Support and my story
Posted 27 March 2017 - 05:32 AM
Well during the month of December I noticed she got very irritable at times and would get angry. She was normally mellow person and never lashed out. I figured she was just stressed about her job so I just felt I should let her vent. During the end of December she quite her job saying she had enough and quite without having a job already lined up. Her job was a bit stressful anyways but she had been their for years. I figured she I'll be supportive and be their for her.
January came and my wife was not working. Days past and she began to go on walks early in the morning that lasted 1-2 hours maybe more. I figured she was trying to start a healthy life style. She would go like 3 times a week then it increased to 5-6 days a week. She also started going out with her friends more which she rarely did. She seemed like she was happy and I felt like hey she's working out and going out she's enjoying life more know but I felt somewhat distant from her. I figured if she's happy then I'm happy and won't stress it.
Well a few months went by and in April I went to work and as I was leaving work she called me and said she was somewhere and not to ask where and that our children, 2 boys, where with her mothers. I get off work at 11 pm. So I was like ok, went and got my kids and went home still very concerned about her but she had always been a good wife so I did it worry. The following day she told me she had went out on a date and gotten drunk and stayed at a hotel with some guy. I was furious, stunned and shocked. She told me she was not in love with me anymore and wanted to separated.
We separated, meanwhile I was still in shock wondering what was going on. I mean we had disagreements like any married couple but I didn't think it was that serious. I didn't want to uproot my kids so they remains in our home and we did nesting with our kids. I stayed with them on certain days as did she. When I was not with them I stayed at my mothers and she got an apartment 50 miles away close to where the guy she cheated on me with.
Over the next few months I became very discouraged wonder what was going on. I felt like I was part of some movie. I knew something was wrong with my wife so I did some digging and found out that she started taking lexapro and by this time she was on 20 mg and that she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety . I was so upset. Something so serious and she refused to share the information with me, especially with me being a RN.
I began doing research and found this website along with others. I was blown away. They didn't teach me anything about this in nursing school. I was shocked. I eventually convinced her to get off the mess and she did. She said she felt different but didn't want to say anything. Oh she found a job in late April also.
So I eventually learned that she was on dating websites when she was out of work and taking with random men for hours when she went out for walks in the Morning. Their where at least 5-7 different men she was talking to and having sex with. My heart was being torn apart. Even thought she was of the meds she was still acting strange. She started neglecting our children and her family also and this started in April. My children started to feel it also. Their grades started to slip and they started acting out. Her family just said she was going through a hard time with the separation. I tried to tell her family but they just wrote me off.
Around September I got tired of trying to wait for her to come around to her normal self and began to start my own life with my children. I began to sell our house, separate anything that was joint and started to fill for full custody for my boys. I decided to work in myself also. I was going to the gym, I stopped smoking, and started going to therapy. Things started to look up for me. Oh my wife throughout this time was apparently after getting off lexapro slipping back to a more depressed and anxious state. She started going into debt.
One day I gave her one last shot before going through my separation phase with her, I wanted my family whole so I invited her to go to a therapy session with me. She did and it's now October. She stared taking a different SSRI in late September, Zoloft 100mg because she her depression and anxiety came back with a force. She began coming back around and was more like herself even though she was takin Zoloft for a few weeks.
We eventually got back together. We are in the same home, our children are much better and their grades are A's and B's. They are not acting out anymore. We are still in therapy couples and individual. Their is more information and things that happens through this crisis but to much to tell.
It's march 2017 and we are doing well. But I still have some concerns. I wonder if her being on Zoloft will affect her in the near future. It makes me a bit nervous. Will she ever get off it but it seems to work so far but she is still not the person she use to be. Her past actions still plague me, and I want to know what was she thinking and what to what extent did her uninhibited actions take her. She hates taking about it and she says some thing she doesn't remember.
I am happy currently but I have questions and concerns still. I have good and bad days. She hates for me to bring it up though. Am I wrong to want to talk about it. Am I wrong to express to her how I was hurt. Am I wrong to want to tell her how upset I am with her actions . Am I wrong to want her to eventually stop taking Zoloft. I honestly don't know . I like having a therapist also but it would be nice to get some input and be able to vent to others in the same situation. Thanks.
Posted 27 March 2017 - 08:07 AM
Yes, your wife is very honest. Of course you are very hurt and that is unfortunate that she cheated on you. Something I have never had experience with in my longest marriage ever......now divorced. I can't imagine the pain for you both now. (((())))) Others have, here, on the relationship site, and maybe that is the people you are looking for support from. Did the Lexapro cause all her infidelity? Something to consider for sure. And.......
1. she never told you back in 2015 that she sought care for depression and anxiety, then went on Lexapro and never told you. Maybe that's something she would talk about with you? I'm a nurse too......mostly pediatric and more of course but I always appreciated other professional help with my child.........seems I remember that I was taught in grad school to be cautious when treating your own.........oooh, many do and certainly I give input when it's wanted.........just something to think about. Anyway.......could it have been situational stuff causing her anxiety and depression?
2. it does sound like she fairly "cold turkeyed" off her Lexapro so yes, to be considered are withdrawal symptoms now......as that takes time to heal and as a Lexapro withdrawal survivor myself it can be fairly brutal. Did you want to learn more about withdrawal.........it's all here, hopefully someone with link ability will come on and help you navigate. Oh, on the plus side, her usage wasn't a prolonged one......that might be in her favor.
3. on the Zoloft now.......would she come and read or possibly read Robert Whitaker's "Anatomy of an Epidemic". Is she willing? Also to find non drug therapies to help with her symptoms and consider a safe(harm reduction) tapering sort of reduction, one that her prescriber may not be fully familiar with.
Personally, I think yes, you are okay to bring "it" up.......perhaps with others who have gone through the same rather than with her as she just doesn't want to talk about it. I am only guessing here but keep in mind her hurt and pain and upset with herself.......possibly intensified with withdrawal "neuroemotions". In a perfect scenario you guys would both want to fully support each other through this all........perfection is rare though........but remain hopeful.........in time. Patience.
I really wish you both, and your family, the best.........stay open. It sounds so very painful for you right now. Vent away. More hugs for both of you really............ Perhaps you might consider that instead of your old relationship totally being back as you saw it then, and her(being exactly the old self you want her to be) then........that now you have the opportunity to form a much better one and grow together?
Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.
AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once?, Gabapentin........probably more. Ask me?......I probably was on it. Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.
10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary). I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.
5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)
12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever!
3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today. 11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine 12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! optimistic
Omega3's,EPA +DHA= approx. 1200/day. Magnesium citrate orally,diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn. Vit. C and E. B12, melatonin 3mcg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually. Trace mineral drops. L-lysine. L-methylfolate=300 mcg. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way. Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.