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Neuro-emotions

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#1 Healing

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Posted 29 March 2011 - 04:02 PM

For many reasons, our emotions are on a hair-trigger, amplified, and perseverative. We probably don't even know all of what's going on physically yet, but it includes diminished prefrontal lobe executive functions, rebound amygdala, dysregulated HPA, over-active adrenals, etc. The neuro-emotions include -- neuro-fear neuro-anger neuro-guilt neuro-shame neuro-hurt neuro-regret neuro-self-criticism neuro-grudge-holding ...and more! It is very, very confusing to have these intense neuro-emotions and try to remember that they are not what they appear to be. Emotions are compelling. Emotions during recovery from psych meds are even more compelling. Sometimes, the neuro-emotion is really totally artificial. Some of my neuro-fears have been so unlikely to come to pass as to bear no resemblance to reality or to my personal history. But, I think a lot of the time, part of what makes it so confusing is that there is a grain of reality to the neuro-emotion. For example, some situation might make you a bit angry under normal circumstances, but the neuro-anger is huge. This is when it's very difficult to 1) catch it in the first place and notice this is a neuro-emotion, 2) convince ourselves, yes, this is really a neuro-emotion, not a real emotion, 3) contain the emotion, try not to act on it, or channel the energy into something safe and constructive -- like exercise or journaling or building a birdhouse. :) Whenever you're having an intense, disturbing feeling, try to remind yourself that, right now -- even if it does have something to do with reality -- it is largely a neuro-emotion that you wouldn't be feeling if you were fully healed. And you *will* be fully healed. It's happening! Get ready!
1996-97 - Paxil x 9 months, tapered, suffered 8 months withdrawal but didn't know it was withdrawal, so...
1998-2001 - Zoloft, tapered, again unwittingly went into withdrawal, so...
2002-03 - Paxil x 20 months, developed severe headaches, so...
Sep 03 - May 05 - Paxil taper took 20 months, severe physical, moderate psychological symptoms
Sep 03 - Jun 05 - took Prozac to help with Paxil taper - not recommended
Jul 05 to date - post-taper, severe psychological, moderate physical symptoms, improving very slowly

#2 Claudius

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Posted 30 March 2011 - 12:43 AM

Sounds so true about those artificial neuro-emotions! AS I told before I was tormented by those neuro-emotions and acted on them in a defective and dangerous way. The first time I did I know nothing about WD but as I told in another post, last year the traumatic emotions came back and I acted again by seeking contact with my former bully. And this time I DID know about WD and tried myself to force not to act, and severeal times I deleted the angry letter I wrote to him but finally the artifical emotion was stronger than me and I finally pressed the send button... only to bring me into more problems because I knew that the guy would finally take some action too. And he did indeed and probably I will be forced to pay an amount of money... but it could have been even worse. I am now determined again not to rule my actions one time more by WD related emotions. But it is a bit late and a lot of damage has already be done.,.

10 mg Paxil/Seroxat since 2002
several attempts to quit since 2004
Quit c/t again Oktober 2007, in protracted w/d since then
after 3.5 years slight improvement but still on the road

after 6 years pretty much recovered but still some nasty residual sypmtons
We are not lost even though it may feel that way. We are in transition.


#3 Healing

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Posted 30 March 2011 - 07:27 AM

This is a learning process for all of us, Claudius. Now, you have more knowledge and more experience with dealing with neuro-emotions. It will be different from here on out. Maybe try this -- ask yourself and the Universe -- how can the current situation be turned into something even better than I can imagine? Then let the question go for a period of time, and notice anything that pops into your head or that you come across in your daily life that catches your attention. Don't *try* to think it out. Be receptive but alert to inspiration.
1996-97 - Paxil x 9 months, tapered, suffered 8 months withdrawal but didn't know it was withdrawal, so...
1998-2001 - Zoloft, tapered, again unwittingly went into withdrawal, so...
2002-03 - Paxil x 20 months, developed severe headaches, so...
Sep 03 - May 05 - Paxil taper took 20 months, severe physical, moderate psychological symptoms
Sep 03 - Jun 05 - took Prozac to help with Paxil taper - not recommended
Jul 05 to date - post-taper, severe psychological, moderate physical symptoms, improving very slowly

#4 Claudius

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Posted 30 March 2011 - 08:55 AM

Thanx Healing! Ithought I had reached that point already a long time ago but a few months ago I feel in the same trap again... and let my emotions rule again my irresponsible and dangerous actions. I will take your advice.

10 mg Paxil/Seroxat since 2002
several attempts to quit since 2004
Quit c/t again Oktober 2007, in protracted w/d since then
after 3.5 years slight improvement but still on the road

after 6 years pretty much recovered but still some nasty residual sypmtons
We are not lost even though it may feel that way. We are in transition.


#5 Altostrata

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Posted 09 April 2011 - 08:52 AM

For quite a while in withdrawal, neuro-emotion led me to memories where I embarrassed myself, made a fool or myself, or was rejected. I couldn't shake them, I was reliving them intensely over and over. The feeling of shame and worthlessness was awful. I had to make a determined effort, which wasn't always successful, to distract myself from these memories. I kept reminding myself to forgive myself for my mistakes. Then reliving these memories went away. I'm not having this problem anymore (I hope). I presume that some area of my brain was being stimulated by dysregulated neuro-hormones, and now it's recovered.
This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#6 Healing

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Posted 09 April 2011 - 04:45 PM

Yes! This is so common, as you well know. I had some of this, but for me the very worst form of neuro-emotion was terror about "getting in trouble." Sometimes in vaguely realistic ways. Sometimes in really far-fetched ways. Always agonizing. This has gotten so much better. I'm not completely out of the woods yet. And I have flare-ups. It would be nice to understand the mechanism of this more. I suspect it involves an interaction of psychological vulnerabilities with neuro dysregulation. From a Kundalini point of view, it would be said that there is a purging of old trauma going on, and a repair of the mind-brain.
1996-97 - Paxil x 9 months, tapered, suffered 8 months withdrawal but didn't know it was withdrawal, so...
1998-2001 - Zoloft, tapered, again unwittingly went into withdrawal, so...
2002-03 - Paxil x 20 months, developed severe headaches, so...
Sep 03 - May 05 - Paxil taper took 20 months, severe physical, moderate psychological symptoms
Sep 03 - Jun 05 - took Prozac to help with Paxil taper - not recommended
Jul 05 to date - post-taper, severe psychological, moderate physical symptoms, improving very slowly

#7 Altostrata

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Posted 09 April 2011 - 05:21 PM

Yes, it made me realize how much shame has shaped my inner life and feelings about myself. I agree, these intense feelings triggered by neuro-emotion might illuminate what always was there, the most hidden vulnerability, the deepest fear. A person has to be very strong to cope with this and not get overwhelmed.
This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#8 Claudius

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Posted 10 April 2011 - 05:38 AM

Yes, it made me realize how much shame has shaped my inner life and feelings about myself.

I agree, these intense feelings triggered by neuro-emotion might illuminate what always was there, the most hidden vulnerability, the deepest fear. A person has to be very strong to cope with this and not get overwhelmed.

I was overwhelmed too many times with waves of hatred and fear. Which are in a sense the same. But I surely have not been strong enough to keep kyself from acting upon it. I told already in another thread about my stupid actions against my former bully which I had not seen for about 20 years. And that this brought me on the verge of juridical prosecution and going to jail and thereby the complete loss of any chance to lead a normal life again. I hate to say that I must be grateful to the bullyguy for offering me the chance to avoid prosecution because I had no single argument to defend myself. No judge will take the excuse "it was not me but the meds I swallowed more than 3 years ago"... I feel utterly depressed now because all this while my physical WD symptoms are better than before... but somehow I always succeed to create more drama as if some part of me does not want to heal. I try to find out what is really going on here.

10 mg Paxil/Seroxat since 2002
several attempts to quit since 2004
Quit c/t again Oktober 2007, in protracted w/d since then
after 3.5 years slight improvement but still on the road

after 6 years pretty much recovered but still some nasty residual sypmtons
We are not lost even though it may feel that way. We are in transition.


#9 Altostrata

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Posted 10 April 2011 - 09:58 AM

.... I feel utterly depressed now because all this while my physical WD symptoms are better than before... but somehow I always succeed to create more drama as if some part of me does not want to heal. I try to find out what is really going on here.

Please, Claudius, forgive yourself. You were acting under the influence of neuro-emotion. Fortunately, you escaped punishment with a valuable lesson:

Take care of yourself by not creating drama. Think carefully about whether the consequences of your actions will benefit you.

I can say this because I do the same thing!!!

I guess that horrible as this condition is, it does show us where we need to learn to take care of ourselves.

Very glad to hear you can say physical withdrawal symptoms have gotten better.
This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#10 Rhiannon

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 03:33 PM

For quite a while in withdrawal, neuro-emotion led me to memories where I embarrassed myself, made a fool or myself, or was rejected. I couldn't shake them, I was reliving them intensely over and over.

The feeling of shame and worthlessness was awful. I had to make a determined effort, which wasn't always successful, to distract myself from these memories. I kept reminding myself to forgive myself for my mistakes.

Then reliving these memories went away. I'm not having this problem anymore (I hope).

I presume that some area of my brain was being stimulated by dysregulated neuro-hormones, and now it's recovered.


This subject came up in a group of people in benzo w/d and it turned out a lot of us shared this experience. And something else, a sort of sense that our lives had been futile, a sort of obsessive feeling of worthlessness and despair and grief, something we were unable to shake. It's very difficult to describe but everyone who had experienced it recognized it immediately. I decided it needs to have a name--like akathisia has a name--so I call it "dystalgia" because one person said it was like evil nostalgia.

I don't know if this is as intense with AD withdrawal. Or if maybe it's one of those kind of universal symptoms like akathisia that you can get with a variety of psych meds.

I haven't had it for a while, but it does tend to come back when I'm more actively cutting doses and in w/d.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease" as I was told. Long and tragic story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything.

 

Now tapering, ironically (but not surprisingly) healthier and more functional than I ever was during the years on the "meds," even with withdrawal (usually fairly mild at this slow pace).

 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 14 2011:   86 mg Neurontin   144 Lamictal,    5.5 Celexa   0.42 Xanax      1.9 mg Valium

Feb 16 2012:   10 mg Neurontin   115 Lamictal     3.7 Celexa   0.285 Xanax     2.0 Valium

Feb 22 2013:   86 Lamictal    2.05 Celexa       0.23 Xanax      1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

Now:                43                    0.625                 0.0775            1.3

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.


#11 Rhiannon

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 03:40 PM

From a Kundalini point of view, it would be said that there is a purging of old trauma going on, and a repair of the mind-brain.

Well, if that's the case, that's certainly a positive twist on it.

I don't know yet if I would really say this is what's happening with me. Except for the "repair" part. It would be hard to say, because during those decades on psych meds I also did a lot of excruciating work in therapy. Now I am finding that during my holds, when I get to feeling good, I feel better than I ever remember feeling.

But I'm not willing to give the drugs credit for it. Yet.

Then again, during the tapering and long remodeling process that I am undertaking (because I still have several years left) I think it may be useful, as I have said, to think about consciously directing the process when I can, to try to lay down paths and connections of synapses that support me. Hmmm...I will have to think about this more. There may be something to what you say.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease" as I was told. Long and tragic story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything.

 

Now tapering, ironically (but not surprisingly) healthier and more functional than I ever was during the years on the "meds," even with withdrawal (usually fairly mild at this slow pace).

 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 14 2011:   86 mg Neurontin   144 Lamictal,    5.5 Celexa   0.42 Xanax      1.9 mg Valium

Feb 16 2012:   10 mg Neurontin   115 Lamictal     3.7 Celexa   0.285 Xanax     2.0 Valium

Feb 22 2013:   86 Lamictal    2.05 Celexa       0.23 Xanax      1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

Now:                43                    0.625                 0.0775            1.3

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.


#12 Altostrata

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Posted 06 May 2011 - 12:00 PM

Just want to congratulate Healing on coining a very useful term that I predict will go viral:

Neuro-emotion: (n.) Exaggerated emotion as a result of iatrogenic drug reactions, does not indicate relapse or emergence of mental illness.
This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#13 angie007

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Posted 25 May 2011 - 11:49 AM

Thanxs again guys, And i really need to keep re reading this thread,its something iv struggled with most of my taper. Neuro emotion, brilliant, thanxs healing. Rhi, i also have your diagnosis of "dystalgia" too, many days since tapering and wd, i have no experience with benzos, but with antidepressants it was more than enough lol. Neuro;- i will try hard to remember that feelings we get are only dictated by a brain that is not yet healed. Thankyou guys.
Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

#14 angie007

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Posted 26 June 2011 - 06:34 AM

Healing, Thank you so much for this post, I have been reading it over and over the last couple of days, as all of this explains exactly what i have been feeling all weekend, Its a disturbing horrible feeling, and much as i have tried so hard to distract, and go about my weekend, going out shopping, and trying to get back to some normality, i'm sad to say i've had to drag this crap round with me too. Sometimes the feelings of despair and hopelessness really are too much to handle sometimes, and it helped so much to know that others understand this feeling too. I don't know if the fact that my husband has been away all weekend on a stag weekend has driven these feelings or not!!! its not as if i even minded him going to be honest, and i'm glad he enjoyed it really, i'm just so sad that its hard to see others enjoying their lives and getting pleasure from doing the normal things that i cant do right now - hence the worthless, useless feelings maybe??? It got a hold quite bad last night, and i decided as i was alone i would go for a drive in the country to try and distract it, i was driving along with the music on, and i had a sudden urge to " end it all" as there wasn't much left in my life anymore, i pulled over into a layby and cried my eyes out, where the hell did this come from, I DO NOT WANT TO DIE, i want to recover and get my life back at some stage, it scared me that badly, i drove back carefully, parked up and got in the house quickly crying all the way home. I had a shower and holed myself up in my room - where i tried to make sense of what had happened, this is so not me, this evil filthy drug is not gonna get the better of me, its taken enough away from my life already, this is one battle that I HAVE TO WIN somehow. Anyone else felt anything like this too!!!!!
Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

#15 Altostrata

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Posted 26 June 2011 - 08:09 AM

angie, these waves of feeling occur, and then they pass. Try the deep breathing when this happens. Also, instead of holing up in your room, do something pleasant. Pet a dog, look at flowers, phone a friend.
This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#16 angie007

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Posted 26 June 2011 - 09:06 AM

Alto, You mean this line of thinking is common in wd and normal for having come off paxil?? As i really cant see this is me at all, ive never ever had thoughts or thinking like i have since quitting the poison, so it has to be ad wd.
Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

#17 Altostrata

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Posted 26 June 2011 - 09:10 AM

Yes, it's common. That is why Healing calls it neuro-emotion -- the neurology is producing the symptoms, not the "inner you." That meditative breathing we've been talking about helps you wait calmly for the storm to pass.
This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#18 angie007

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Posted 05 August 2011 - 08:27 AM

Neuro emotion x 5 today i tell you all, why??? well i baby sat for my daughter yesterday and last night, the baby is 4 months old, got up at 2am this morning to do the feed, feeling crappy, hubby sat on the end of the bed with his eyes shut, typical men eh, i asked him to put the fan on and he said something to me that i thought was downright uncalled for and disgustingly disrespectful. I continued the feed upset and said nothing, but it played on my mind all day, so after doing my chores around the house, i got ready and went out in my car, i drove and drove 40 miles or so, where there are two towns about 8 miles between them. I sat in the lay by sobbing, neuro hurt, xxxxx tears, anger, grudge holding, u name it, i had it, this really spoilt what could have been a better day!!! i drove home with my head in a mess from it all, feeling anxious, edgy and faint feelings, back home now, but still pretty emotionally - anyone want this pity pot, im getting so sick of it, i hate this feeling - its horrible. Anyone relate??? why do we take these nasty comments to heart and let them hurt us so badly!!!
Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

#19 Phil

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Posted 05 August 2011 - 08:34 AM

Hi Angie, I have no answers but I know how much the smallest of comments can really hurt us during withdrawal. It's almost like our brains won't allow us to "resolve" things and let go of them. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm probably over-reacting, and if I snap at my friend, I will apologize even though it's hard. I think what helps is having someone to talk to like a counsellor about these things, to get them all out of our system. Because if we keep them in we feel even more resentful. Have you tried keeping a diary or journal and writing about how you feel? It might help.
Off Lexapro since 3rd November 2011.

#20 Milkthystle

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Posted 03 October 2011 - 06:48 PM

I've been trying to get off of Zoloft by tapering and I can really relate to the Neuro-emotion thing! I have been SO ANGRY. A little thing will make me mad, then I'm angry and resentfull all day about it. My poor hubby, he's the one that is the target of my anger. Don't worry, no physical fights, I've just be so unpleasant to be around and I know it but I can't seem to control it. It helps to read the info about Neuro emotions. Zoloft has been keeping my feelings mostly stuffed down for 11 years so it makes sense to have feelings. I'm new here and I'm looking for any info on using Prozac to help get off Zoloft, you know the whole half life thing.
Have been taking Zoloft or Prozac since 1999 and began tapering off Zoloft August 1, 2011.

#21 Barbarannamated

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Posted 04 October 2011 - 06:04 PM

Any positive neuro-emotion?? I definitely have been neuro emoting and my husband is still zombied out on Effexor, Wellbutrin, benzos. So, my emotions are intensified and his are nonexistent, at least to me. His lack of emotion or ANY reaction put me over the edge. One day I whipped my Droid phone as the sliding glass door, shattering both. He didn't say a word, just got duct tape and methodically taped the glass up. That was July. My guess is it's still like that. He kept a baseball bat near the bed and, I swear, it was taunting me to smash his car. I told him to move it out of my sight. It was scary. I've never hit anything in my life, but I think w my emotions so intense and his so absent, I felt myself trying to get ANY response. That's when I got in my car and started driving. I've been gone since July and he hasn't asked once where or how I am or tried to call. A text every few weeks asking some inane question. Today it was what kind of fly mask for the horse. Bizarre relationship.
Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

#22 Altostrata

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Posted 05 October 2011 - 02:58 PM

Neuro-emotion is by definition iatrogenic. I guess if you had drug-induced euphoria, you might call that positive, for a while. Bar, very sorry to hear of your ongoing intense problems with your family. It must be very, very hard for you.
This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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#23 Barbarannamated

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Posted 28 December 2011 - 03:21 PM

This subject came up in a group of people in benzo w/d and it turned out a lot of us shared this experience. And something else, a sort of sense that our lives had been futile, a sort of obsessive feeling of worthlessness and despair and grief, something we were unable to shake. It's very difficult to describe but everyone who had experienced it recognized it immediately. I decided it needs to have a name--like akathisia has a name--so I call it "dystalgia" because one person said it was like evil nostalgia.

I haven't had it for a while, but it does tend to come back when I'm more actively cutting doses and in w/d.


Reading back thru Neuroemotion and this post by Rhi struck a chord--
Evil Nostalgia =dystalgia
Also 'neuro-regret' by Healing at top

Feels as if all of the stuff I didn't deal with while on meds is hitting me in the face
The holiday made it much worse

Thanks to Healing„Rhi„Alto and all
Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

#24 blueheron

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Posted 16 April 2012 - 03:05 AM

Exactly what I needed to read after a night of beating myself up with fear over things that are truly not likely to happen. I had no idea it was withdrawal until I found this site.....thank you!
11 Years on Lexapro/Celexa, Tapered Using Wellbutrin, Medication-Free April 2012.

#25 Barbarannamated

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Posted 16 April 2012 - 08:20 AM

I need to read this daily! It all feels so REAL and accurate as it happens. THANK YOU, HEALING!!
Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

#26 Coleen

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 05:45 AM

I was so relieved to read this post! I was going to ask if anyone experienced anger and irritation. It's been so long since I have just been me (although I am still weaning; currently on 37.5 mg Effexor) It's an awful feeling. I find I am also experiencing jealousy, which really bugs me. I was thinking today that antidepressants numb you to a lot of feelings, which makes addressing them easy to defer. How long will it take before my brain heals itself? I really wish people around me understood the severity of withdrawal; these emotions are just so difficult to deal with.
Effexor 75 mg for 3 yrs.
Effexor XR 75 mg for 10 yrs.
Effexor XR 150 mg for 5 years.
Currently at 37.5 and weaning slowly

#27 Barbarannamated

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 06:45 AM

I was so relieved to read this post! I was going to ask if anyone experienced anger and irritation. It's been so long since I have just been me (although I am still weaning; currently on 37.5 mg Effexor) It's an awful feeling. I find I am also experiencing jealousy, which really bugs me. I was thinking today that antidepressants numb you to a lot of feelings, which makes addressing them easy to defer. How long will it take before my brain heals itself? I really wish people around me understood the severity of withdrawal; these emotions are just so difficult to deal with.

Colleen,
Jealousy is very bad for me and compounded because I feel ashamed of feeling jealous. I wasn't content with my life previously, but I was able to be happy for friends without the constant comparison of lives and over things I never wanted anyway! It feels like others' lives have marched forward while mine stood still in the years on drugs. I remind myself it's some form of neuro-emotion, but still distressing.
Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

#28 Coleen

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:26 AM

I sure hope so Barbarannamated- I have always been overly sensitive to criticism as well as feeling unworthy and unlovable, and the jealousy seems to stem from that. Antidepressants somewhat masked those feelings and now here they are again! There are times when I feel like I'm going to snap; then I panic because I think this is a permanent state of being. Thank God I came upon this post- it's something to hold on to when I feel like I'm going under!
Effexor 75 mg for 3 yrs.
Effexor XR 75 mg for 10 yrs.
Effexor XR 150 mg for 5 years.
Currently at 37.5 and weaning slowly

#29 Rhiannon

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 09:29 AM

Yep, this thread is a good one to keep bumped up. Lately having bouts of feeling intense loneliness, in spite of the fact that I'm settling in after two years in my current location and actually making friends and getting out and doing things when I feel well enough. I know the loneliness comes from my childhood (I was abused and felt really alone) and hopefully I can use this in some way for healing. It doesn't help though that I live alone and work a shift that makes it really hard to have a social life. The trickiest thing for me is not acting out when I'm feeling edgy and easily irritated. Especially at work when coworkers do or say irritating things, and when I'm edgy pretty much anything can be irritating, plus I have one coworker who's a real jerk. It's a tiny lab and we're all in each others' faces all the time, can't really get away and hide. Oh well. So far I must be within the bounds of acceptable behavior I guess, I still have the job, which is good because I have no other means of support. Anyway thanks to everyone for your sharing and support.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease" as I was told. Long and tragic story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything.

 

Now tapering, ironically (but not surprisingly) healthier and more functional than I ever was during the years on the "meds," even with withdrawal (usually fairly mild at this slow pace).

 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 14 2011:   86 mg Neurontin   144 Lamictal,    5.5 Celexa   0.42 Xanax      1.9 mg Valium

Feb 16 2012:   10 mg Neurontin   115 Lamictal     3.7 Celexa   0.285 Xanax     2.0 Valium

Feb 22 2013:   86 Lamictal    2.05 Celexa       0.23 Xanax      1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

Now:                43                    0.625                 0.0775            1.3

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.


#30 Barbarannamated

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Posted 22 April 2012 - 08:15 AM

If I'm really alone, is it still neuro- loneliness? Exceptionally rough week with husband neuro-anger directed at me (verbally) and hitting my neuro-everything. Doctor not returning my call for 4 days, then reaming ME out b/c I finally paged him. My 'firstborn' horse going lame. YIKES! Neuro- pity party. :(
Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

#31 Rhiannon

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Posted 30 April 2012 - 12:00 PM

If I'm really alone, is it still neuro- loneliness? Exceptionally rough week with husband neuro-anger directed at me (verbally) and hitting my neuro-everything. Doctor not returning my call for 4 days, then reaming ME out b/c I finally paged him. My 'firstborn' horse going lame. YIKES!
Neuro- pity party. :(

That's the thing for me too--most of my emotions are not unsurprising in the context of my life, they're just so intensified. Plus I don't feel well and strong enough right now to make the changes in my life that would change the conditions that contribute to those emotions.

And I'm not really certain how much, or what, I need to or should do, because frankly I still don't trust my judgment, rightly so. I know that during my long hold spells when I get to feeling pretty well, my judgment is better. So I know it's being affected by withdrawal and I know from past experience that it's drastically affected by the drugs themselves.

So I'm just holding the course, so to speak. And meanwhile time is passing and my remaining years are passing and I'm getting older and having to face that I may never have even the simple things I have always hoped for.

Barb, thank you always for your openness and sharing about your life. You have no idea how much it helps to know I'm not alone in struggling. Your post about envy, above, I really relate to, it's a constant challenge for me. My daughter's getting married this summer and I'm happy for her but struggling with envy that she has a partner and friends and I don't!--My daughter! I feel so much shame about having those feelings.

Thank you all for sharing and being here.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease" as I was told. Long and tragic story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything.

 

Now tapering, ironically (but not surprisingly) healthier and more functional than I ever was during the years on the "meds," even with withdrawal (usually fairly mild at this slow pace).

 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 14 2011:   86 mg Neurontin   144 Lamictal,    5.5 Celexa   0.42 Xanax      1.9 mg Valium

Feb 16 2012:   10 mg Neurontin   115 Lamictal     3.7 Celexa   0.285 Xanax     2.0 Valium

Feb 22 2013:   86 Lamictal    2.05 Celexa       0.23 Xanax      1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

Now:                43                    0.625                 0.0775            1.3

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.


#32 fefesmom

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 07:31 AM

Nikki. Thanks for quoting Healing's comments and for yours. It is so important/vital to remember this. These neuro-emotions can crop up any time, any day and it is good to be protected by these words and information. Sometimes I remember them after the fact but that's better than not at all.FM

#33 Nikki

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 03:13 PM

FM... It is amazing how emotions are so heightened. I have to think before I open my mouth and even realign my thoughts with a non-paranoid approach.

Intro: http://survivinganti...ndown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine


#34 Rhiannon

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 10:17 AM

This thread is so helpful, the same way that Breggin's book Medication Madness has been helpful to me, in understanding and forgiving myself for the things I did while on psych drugs, and learning to trust myself again. I think I experienced similar distortions of emotion while I was ON the meds, not just during withdrawal.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease" as I was told. Long and tragic story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything.

 

Now tapering, ironically (but not surprisingly) healthier and more functional than I ever was during the years on the "meds," even with withdrawal (usually fairly mild at this slow pace).

 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 14 2011:   86 mg Neurontin   144 Lamictal,    5.5 Celexa   0.42 Xanax      1.9 mg Valium

Feb 16 2012:   10 mg Neurontin   115 Lamictal     3.7 Celexa   0.285 Xanax     2.0 Valium

Feb 22 2013:   86 Lamictal    2.05 Celexa       0.23 Xanax      1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

Now:                43                    0.625                 0.0775            1.3

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.


#35 Nikki

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 09:32 AM

Rhi I am going to go to Amazon and check out the book. Hugs Okay Rhi... I just did. Powerful stuff. This morning I called the Nurse Practitioner and explained by Lovely Celexa Symptoms ~ and she is calling in the Liquid Celexa and pills. I spoke to two friends this morning who had taken Celexa and they said it made their anxiety worse. My Neuro-Emotions are hurting me right now. Everything is exacerbated from Anxiety which Celexa was supposted to have helped. Not so. Rhi I keep praying that the tiniest reduction will help me feel better as it did for you and a few others here :) Hugs and more Hugs

Intro: http://survivinganti...ndown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine


#36 Barbarannamated

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 10:39 AM


I agree, these intense feelings triggered by neuro-emotion might illuminate what always was there, the most hidden vulnerability, the deepest fear. A person has to be very strong to cope with this and not get overwhelmed.


This post jumped out at me on my weekly visit to Neuroemotion thread. So many feelings are being dredged up that *must* come from somewhere, buried deep over the years...the small grain of truth that Healing refers to. I want to note it (how can I not when it keeps badgering me?!) because it feels there is meaning in it. The trick is recognizing the truth and separating it from the magnification and distortion.
Rhi, I relate to so much of what you express. I don't have kids, but have felt the envy as my husband's nieces/nephews and my cousins' kids get married and have kids. I've pulled away from most everyone because jealousy is triggered so easily right now. I'm ok with strangers and feel most comfortable 'getting lost in the crowd'. I determined that this past weekend when I took myself to a huge music festival (think Woodstock). I could briefly interact with people at my choosing and engage in superficial conversation or none at all. I did have a few wistful moments of 'oh, to be 20 or 30 or...again'.
Not expressing this well!
Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).





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