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Neuroemotions


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Sometimes I am angry at the windows because they feel like false friends, they always disappear. It is so tiring dealing with the change. Acceptance doesn't come so easy when you're going through your nth transition from window to wave. 

 

This right here - what you wrote, Kittygiggles - hits the nail on the head for me. I have been in a protracted anxiety wave of over a week now. But about 4 nights ago, something strange started to happen. After neuro-anxiety to the max all day, around 8pm I feel almost normal. Then it happens the next day. And the next. 

 

But it was a false friend who did not show up last night, In fact, last night I got an anxiety surge at the end of the night. There had been no change in my routine. BUT... my wife did ask if I would do a favor for her the next day (now today) that filled me with dread because it contained many triggers (change in my routine, an addition to my commute, and the potential to encounter a family member who might ask me questions I don't want to answer).

 

(For the full explanation of that, and some relationship questions, see my post at http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14533-what-do-you-do-when-they-dont-understand/#entry281679 ).

 

Anyway, I doubt my false friend named Window will be showing up tonight after I actually do the favor...

 

I need to remind myself to breath right now,

 

SJ

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

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I am new here, my name is Jodawoda. Neuro-emotion is a word I have not heard before, but I definitely understand the meaning. I am barely able to cope right now with primal feelings of rejection, helplessness and powerlessness. Oh yeah, add paranoid to the list as well. 

 

I don't know whether to go up or down of off meds (again) at this point. This feels a lot like a living hell and I have always considered myself to be a grown ass strong woman who can pretty much handle anything. 

Effexor xr 225 mg daily for about 20 years

 

Ability 10mg daily for about 5 years 

 

Seroquel in various doses at bedtime for about 10 years 

 

Have been off Ability for about 4 years now

Still take small dose Seroquel at bedtime (50mg) 

 

Several months ago finished a very gradual taper over 18 months to eventually being completely off of Effexor ---

Significant destabilization for a couple months to the point where I felt no choice but to resume the Effexor.....

Initially felt better right away after resuming with a small dose 37.5mg but then eventually had to keep increasing the dose to get better stabilization to where I am now, back to 225 mg daily.  And unstable with serious mood lability and rage (no history of anger problems).  

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  • 2 weeks later...

Why does it seem that all of the neuro-emotions we get in withdrawal are bad? Why don't we get neuro-happiness, and neuro-confidence?

 

Yeah, I know - that's mostly a rhetorical question. I know it has to do with the down-regulation of serotonin and norepinephrine. But I just wonder why, if our systems are in such a state of flux, we don't get the occasional up-regulation? I'm not talking so much like a window. I mean more like a goid neuro-induced emotion.

 

SJ

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

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SJ, you make me smile as I read this!!! Why? It seems I just asked our Lord this. I was feeling desperately sorry for myself and I said, why, why can't these neuro emotions be happy, good emotions??? I feel your question deep within. It sure would be nice wouldn't it!!!!

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Hi everyone, hope there is a ton of healing taking place for you. Haven't wrote on here in awhile but I do read and keep reading your helpful posts. I have to ask this question, in withdrawal do you think we can wrongly hear something or misinterpret something? My mind is coming up with a conversation that took place about 1.5 years ago and is now trying to replay it and remember details and because I can't remember them all it's making me so anxious. Any thoughts please. Thank you

Started Prozac 20 MG March 2014-Sept 2014

New doctor switched me to Lexapro 10 MG and it helped from Sept 2014-Feb 2015 and then I felt the Lexapro wasn't helping as much so he changed the dose to 20 MG and I took that from Feb 2015-July 2015 when I decided to get off pills completely.I had to reinstate as I was feeling so bad and very pressured to go back on pills. My Dr put me on 50 MG zoloft and I took it for about a week..made me feel brain dead. Went down to 25 before I really learned the trouble of fast tapering..finally got a jewelry scale to properly weigh out my pills. Looking to just feel OK. Unsure where to go next.

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Don’t do this coopergirl. You’re just looking for a stick to hit yourself with. A mind set against itself will come up with interpretations that always justify the anxious state you’re in. It’s like an evil cooperation between mind and body. Don’t fall for it. Feel the anxiety, don’t analyze it.

Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety.

My paroxetine story from then on:

 

2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg

jan 2016 30mg

may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!)

dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand)

jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10%

...

Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 

5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg

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Thank you soooo much MIT!! I know you are so right it only feeds it

Started Prozac 20 MG March 2014-Sept 2014

New doctor switched me to Lexapro 10 MG and it helped from Sept 2014-Feb 2015 and then I felt the Lexapro wasn't helping as much so he changed the dose to 20 MG and I took that from Feb 2015-July 2015 when I decided to get off pills completely.I had to reinstate as I was feeling so bad and very pressured to go back on pills. My Dr put me on 50 MG zoloft and I took it for about a week..made me feel brain dead. Went down to 25 before I really learned the trouble of fast tapering..finally got a jewelry scale to properly weigh out my pills. Looking to just feel OK. Unsure where to go next.

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  • 1 month later...

Anybody ever get a neuro-hyper or neuro-manic?

 

I had my usual morning anxiety, a crying jag too, but now I am suddenly very upbeat to the point of thinking I am getting a bit hyper or manic?

 

Could it be that I'm just hitting a window and am not used to having energy and good thoughts? Or could this be a trick of the mind as it moves into some new phase of recovery?

 

SJ

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Have any of you had a feeling/state of afraid of being alone (like living/being home alone)? I'm not sure how to describe it - it's very scary, maybe it's a form of anxiety/depression?

2016 ~may-june: 25mg valdoxan

2017 ~may: stopped cold turkey

currently going through withdrawal (blurry vision, sensitivity to light, bouts of nausea, headaches)

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6 hours ago, marx said:

Have any of you had a feeling/state of afraid of being alone (like living/being home alone)? I'm not sure how to describe it - it's very scary, maybe it's a form of anxiety/depression?

 

Hi Marx -

 

This is rather common during withdrawal recovery. It's part of the anxiety, yes. The best way to combat it - other than going to find some people to be around, which is the best way - is to occupy yourself with whatever you can to help pass the time. I read a lot, or binge on Netflix. My suggestion is that whatever you chose to distract yourself, make it something that does not increase anxiety. Stay away from action shows, intense dramas, sad movies or books. Chose upbeat things.

 

Hang in there.

 

SJ

Main thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14472-shakeyjerr-say-hello/

History: Prozac & Lithium from 1999 to 2003. Ended up back on after 4 months because taking a beta-blocker caused immediate depression (just 2 doses - turned out I didn't even need it; I had no other withdrawal symptoms - I might have ended up med and withdrawal-free otherwise :(). - Switched to Effexor (75mg 3/day) and Seroquel (50mg 3/day) in 2010. - Did a self-taper during 2016. - Developed Discontinuation Syndrome 02/17.

Supplements: Magnesium-Glycinate 400mg split into 4 100mg doses throughout the day. Vitamin C 500mg - once per day. Fish Oil 1360 mg (950 mg Active Omega-3) - twice per day.

I'm not a doctor. I use the internet, experience, and trial & error. Seek medical advice if necessary.

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  • 2 weeks later...

This is so very terrible for me. My worst neuro-emotions have to be neuro-guilt, neuro-self-criticism, and neuro-fear.

 

I feel guilt for every little thing I do - I mean everything!! I can't do anything pleasurable because I'm constantly afraid I'm sinning and the Lord is angry at me. Even the simplest of things make me feel guilty. I stay tensed up trying to figure out if I'm doing anything right.

 

I criticize myself all the time without realizing it. I even go very far with it. I complain about being born, my life is a waste, I have no purpose, everything is ending for me, and much more!

 

The fear is the worst because I'm always afraid the world is ending and I'll be left here before I had a chance to live. It is SO terrible! Every little thing is an indicator that time is up and I'm thrown into a state of terror and can't find a way out. It takes a whole lot of effort on my part to pick myself back up again.

 

This is complicated by my extreme derealization and depersonalization. I can't find a way to reach to people because I'm in my own world of horrors and I'm very stuck trying to figure it all out myself.

(Took Respiradone, Strattera, Celexa, Lexapro, and Pristiq prior to these.)

These were all taken over the course of approximately 10 years

10/7/15 - Fluvoxamine Maleate 100 MG

7/26/16 - Amphetamine Salts 10 MG

10/5/16 - Olanzapine-Fluoxetine 6-25 MG

11/1/16 - Olanzapine 2.5 MG AND Fluoxetine HCL 10 MG

11/08/16 - Amantadine 100 MG AND Aripiprazole 5 MG

11/22/16 - Trazodone 50 MG

12/1/16 - Aripiprazole 5 MG *LAST DOSE - COLD-TURKEYED*

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Hi pearlsky ,my heart bleeds reading this, do you believe this is withdrawal [please don't] ,it cant be your normal state of mind surely [not a judgement ] ,I've always had a terrible destructive self critic and I'm learning to practise some serious self compassion in this withdrawl ,I'm getting better at noticing it and when to calm it down and basically switch the channel in my mind .

Edited by scallywag
deleted quote of immediately previous post for readability

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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I've had these fears for a while, but they've become much worse in withdrawal to the point of feeling real. They're slowly getting better, but I still have major episodes involved with them.

 

I had people telling me how to live my life up until now, so this is really the first time ever I'm doing something for myself. It feels good, but it gets very, very hard.

(Took Respiradone, Strattera, Celexa, Lexapro, and Pristiq prior to these.)

These were all taken over the course of approximately 10 years

10/7/15 - Fluvoxamine Maleate 100 MG

7/26/16 - Amphetamine Salts 10 MG

10/5/16 - Olanzapine-Fluoxetine 6-25 MG

11/1/16 - Olanzapine 2.5 MG AND Fluoxetine HCL 10 MG

11/08/16 - Amantadine 100 MG AND Aripiprazole 5 MG

11/22/16 - Trazodone 50 MG

12/1/16 - Aripiprazole 5 MG *LAST DOSE - COLD-TURKEYED*

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28 minutes ago, Pearlsky said:

I've had these fears for a while, but they've become much worse in withdrawal to the point of feeling real. They're slowly getting better, but I still have major episodes involved with them.

 

I had people telling me how to live my life up until now, so this is really the first time ever I'm doing something for myself. It feels good, but it gets very, very hard.

so if there worse in withdrawl ,that tells you its withdrawl,thats a good thing,it tells us its the drugs and not you ,please believe that.

its  hard to get used to a new way ,even if it is a good thing for us ,but if we decide we want off drugs forever ,we have to learn new ways and then that leads to understanding and learning about ourselves .

keep practicing witnessing the thought and letting it pass on through your mind ,I'm getting better at it myself .

it takes loads of time but worth it .

people i know watch soap operas[nothing wrong with them ] ,i read and learn new ways to live and cope with feelings and emotions .we have to sacrifice the time else were to learn new things .

the main thing is our thoughts don't become actions .

Take great care.

PB

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, powerback said:

Hi pearlsky ,my heart bleeds reading this, do you believe this is withdrawal [please don't] ,it cant be your normal state of mind surely [not a judgement ] ,I've always had a terrible destructive self critic and I'm learning to practise some serious self compassion in this withdrawl ,I'm getting better at noticing it and when to calm it down and basically switch the channel in my mind .

I meant please do :huh:

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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On 20/02/2015 at 1:55 AM, indigo said:

Appreciated reading this thread this morning. Since swtiching from capsules to liquid prozac I've noticed dips of "neuro-emotion" are more sudden and shorter in duration.

Sometimes I'll wake up thinking I'm wasting my life, comparing myself to others who seem happy, creative and competent. Thoughts cycling that  I'm a damaged person.

I'm a failure. That I'll never get off this drug, That I won't able to survive if I lose my partner or when my old dog dies etc .

Then a few hours later I'll feel fine. Look around at my life, my creative work, thankful I have a loving partner who is healthy, that my old animals are happy and well,

that I'm so much more myself  and more creative than I was when on 20 mg of prozac.

Whenever I'm in a  dark dip it seems totally real, and any other way of looking at my life is delusional.

However, I'm learning to ride out the dips, keeping my day as undemanding and gentle as possible. 

And every dip I survive gives me confidence I'll survive the next one on my way off this drug.

Wow!!

This is me!

 

I'm into my 4th month off Lexapro totally.. and those thought processes you said.. that ugly ruminating is where I keep slipping into!!!  Exactly that... The comparing, the endless worry about every bad outcome..  and how real it seems.. almost as if I've been fooling myself to have thought differently !

 

The way these drugs can literally change your thoughts and beliefs is incredible and a bit scary.

 

How are you progressing since you wrote this a while ago??

2008 (approx) Lexapro 10mg.  2009 attempted cold turkey 5mg for 2 weeks - crash and burn.  2009 back on 10mg.

2012 - pooped out - but didn't know.   2014 - poop-out got worse.  2014 sept 20mg, 2014 oct 15mg, 2014 nov 10mg

2014 dec 7.5mg,  2014 dec 23rd crashed.  Dec 24th 10mg - trying to stabilize

2015 Jan Stabilized as much as thought I would, 2015 Jan 9mg, 2015 Late Feb, 8mg, 2015 late Mar 7mg.  22nd May 6.3mg

2015 small "slide" down to 6mg.  19th June 5mg. 15th Aug 4.5mg - slid down to 4mg.  Sept 20th 3.8mg.

2015 gradual decrease between Oct and Nov 10th to 3mg:  Dec between 3-2mg.  2016 Jan15th 2mg  Feb: 1.8mg, somewhere got to 1.6mg.

2016 Feb 25th crashed!  Not sure if sick or WD, back to 2mg.

2016 During March - gradual decrease to 1.8mg, then 1.5mg.  April 19th 1mg

2016 June 8th 0.8mg   July 1st 0.6mg:  Sept 0.4mg (long hold)

2017 Jan 0.2mg

2017 May 0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YAY

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On 23/07/2017 at 1:42 AM, marx said:

Have any of you had a feeling/state of afraid of being alone (like living/being home alone)? I'm not sure how to describe it - it's very scary, maybe it's a form of anxiety/depression?

Hi marx.

Yes i get that exact feeling too...  i had it creeping up on me gradually in my taper, very very gradually.  It has hit me very hard now.  Intense fear and anxiety related to it.

I never ever remember feeling anything like it before meds or withdrawal.  Maybe a mild tingle of anxiety.

What is making mine much more complex is that im dealing with the passing of both my parents.   Dad 5 years ago.. and mum 5 months ago... right in the end of my taper.  So its all feeding off itself.

Im 3-4 months into being completely off lexapro after a 2.5 year taper.  I didnt expect to be in the state i am.. i mustve tapered too fast and it all caught up with me.  I didnt have tpo ,any issues in my taper.

 

However the reason part of my mind, when i push it hard tells me that the fear is neuro emotion and wd based.  Its quite a primal fear really.

I think as we feel sinking feeling of cortisol or adrenaline our mind manufactures its worst case scenario to justify the intense emotional response.

 

It must be withdrawal.

 

I find using ACT tecniques to sprt of breathe into and around it and expand around it.  Stopping struggling wigh it seems to bring a littls relief. 

 

Easier said than done.

 

I got the instructions from the book the happiness trap.

 

Hope this puts some perspective on it.

Im still very much in full withdrawal with crazy emotions.

 

2008 (approx) Lexapro 10mg.  2009 attempted cold turkey 5mg for 2 weeks - crash and burn.  2009 back on 10mg.

2012 - pooped out - but didn't know.   2014 - poop-out got worse.  2014 sept 20mg, 2014 oct 15mg, 2014 nov 10mg

2014 dec 7.5mg,  2014 dec 23rd crashed.  Dec 24th 10mg - trying to stabilize

2015 Jan Stabilized as much as thought I would, 2015 Jan 9mg, 2015 Late Feb, 8mg, 2015 late Mar 7mg.  22nd May 6.3mg

2015 small "slide" down to 6mg.  19th June 5mg. 15th Aug 4.5mg - slid down to 4mg.  Sept 20th 3.8mg.

2015 gradual decrease between Oct and Nov 10th to 3mg:  Dec between 3-2mg.  2016 Jan15th 2mg  Feb: 1.8mg, somewhere got to 1.6mg.

2016 Feb 25th crashed!  Not sure if sick or WD, back to 2mg.

2016 During March - gradual decrease to 1.8mg, then 1.5mg.  April 19th 1mg

2016 June 8th 0.8mg   July 1st 0.6mg:  Sept 0.4mg (long hold)

2017 Jan 0.2mg

2017 May 0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YAY

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  • 1 month later...

This post is very helpfull to me,  because it makes me understand myself much better. And because of that I remember the old me better. Its important to remember and honour to old me.

When I was 15 years old i had a kundalini rising. It was a wake up call from what I had been my whole life, a person who always did what others told me to do and never loved anyone. I was a very scared child because my mother was always very worried. In december 2010 i got locked in a psychiatric hospital. I was there for almost a half year, they felt they could do nothing to help me. Then I got locked in again i august 2011 and got the strongest antipsuchotic drug there is, Cisordinol, its not allowed in the US. I was a zombie for one year, my psychologist said I had got a prefrontal lobotomy, that I had PTSD and the the only thing worse was war torture. My parents did nothing else than bullying me with the things i couldn´t. For a couple of years, I did nothing. I mourned over my life who I had lost and time flew as it does to those who had lost their sence of time. In december 2014 I was close to death because of the drugs. From around march 2015 things started to turn the right way for me, my near death experience was a wake up call for me, I was filled with love and accept and I met my boyfriend. I was also at a psychiatric hospital again from january 2015 to september 2015. When I got out I thought that now was my life starting to go the right way for me. I stopped with the medication from one day to another and it was the worst mistake I ever made. I was in withdrawal and I started to forget and it just continued to be worse and it still does. Along with that I got locked in again from january 2016 to may 2016. I had no other choise than to take medication otherwise they would let me do nothing. The place where I live now forces me to take medication, otherwise I cant live there and I have nowhere else to live. I had left my first boyfriend despite i still loves him and believes that we one day can be together again but I felt that he didnt understood what I was going through. I have a new friend/ boyfriend who I feel understands my feelings and that it is okay to be sad and frustrated. Whenever my mom is visiting me I just wanna vomit and thats one of my main problems. Please write to me if you find me interesting or you have experienced something similar to me.

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Wow, this thread gives me

so much clarity. I'm in a nasty deep dark wave this week, and have noticed my anger getting worse and the self loathing and helplessness, I feel like the waves are getting worse as the windows slowly grow longer, my last window was 2

weeks, has anyone noticed this? Longer windows equal deeper waves? I wonder if it is just the heeling of one neuro happening? I read earlier on in the thread about someone who was getting suicidal thoughts who didn't want to die...that's me this week, I'm going through this hell to heal not die, so why th thoughts?!

Prescribed Zoloft for PND approx June 2011

 

April 2017 - began 4 week taper to zero

100mg  reduced to 75mg week 1

75mg to 50mg week 2

50 down to 25mg week 3

25 down to zero week 4

 

August 2017 - 25mg prednisone prescribed for sinusitis (quit cold turkey after 7 days after increased withdrawal symptoms) 

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Hi LFRainbows,

 

This thread helped me a lot too. I have had some 'neuro-depression' where suicidal thoughts have invaded me and it terrifies me because I have no desire to stop living; on the contrary, I think the fact that we are all here demonstrates a great will to live. As for waves hitting harder as windows grow broader, I felt something similar to this, where my tolerance to waves might have been lower because I was so used to longer windows. Perhaps that is the case for you?

 

I take daily notes of my symptoms and I am careful to discern the core features of a wave (usually neuro-irritability, headaches, dizziness, and so on) from its impact on me: my desire to sleep it off, the anxiety and terror it causes, the depressive aspects of it and so on. This way I can tell if a wave is worse intrinsically or whether it just feels worse because I am tolerating it less well. What often causes me the most distress is the transition from a window to a wave and vice versa. This fluctuation, no matter how frequent, is jarring because it is iatrogenic and can make me doubt everything, so I have to expend energy noting it and reminding myself what it truly is and how I have no choice other than to accept it. 

 

I can usually tolerate a moderate (not severe) but consistent wave. I think it is the stability that can develop in my life from consistent symptoms that really makes me feel hopeful. 

 

I hope I made sense, I'm a little tired right now! 

 

2012: 2 weeks of paroxetine, I cannot recall the dose. Strong side effects, stopped cold turkey, had intense, horrible withdrawal thereafter

2012 to 2016: Fluoxetine 40mg daily, sometimes 20mg daily, a couple of bad tapers under doctor's advisement, increasingly bad withdrawal symptoms with each major dose change

Oct 2016 to June 2017: 10-month reinstatement of 20mg fluoxetine daily to stabilize. A very difficult period but withdrawal gradually improved

July 2017: At 20mg (100%), started a linear tapering regimen using water titration (20mg fluoxetine into 300ml of water).

June 2019: Currently at 0.200mg (1.00%). I have many symptoms, most I attribute to fluoxetine, some to withdrawal, and the rest to hypothyroidism. Continuing to reduce anyway.

July 2019: Jumped from 0.066mg (0.33%) to 0.000mg (0.00%); I'm now free of the poison.

 

My introduction thread: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/14226-kittygiggles-generic-prozac-fluoxetine-stabilization/

 

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Hi Kittygiggles,

I just wanted to say that I found what you wrote to be quite helpful.  I am experiencing what I think is neuro-anxiety over something that should not be causing me near the distress that it is.  I also recently started going into a wave after being in a window for a few days and would agree it makes the waves that much more difficult to deal with.  I was starting to believe I had finally stabilized, so the return of sleeplessness and anxiety is crushing.

Zoloft 50 mg Fall 2003-October 2016

I went up to 150 mg for several months during the winter of 2016 after going through a tough time trying to stabilize.

Lexapro 5 mg and then 10 mg October 2016-December 2016

Paxil December 2016 to present.  Started at 10 mg went up to 20 mg for three weeks and started reducing by 5mg every 2 weeks per doctors orders.  Got down to 7.5 mg and ran into trouble, found this website and updosed to 10 mg.

 9mg paroxetine June 18-6.5 mg in am 2.5 mg pm.  

July 20 began switch to Citalopram-9 mg Paxil and 5 mg citalopram

July 24-7.5mg paroxetine and 7.5mg Citalopram 

July 27-5mg paroxetine and 10 citalopram 

July 30-2.5 paroxetine and 10 of Citalopram 

August 2-2mg paroxetine and 10mg Citalopram, dropped paroxetine Aug. 3

August 8 increased to 15 mg citalopram

Take 1mg lorazepam as needed and 3mg melatonin at night.

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  • Altostrata changed the title to Neuro-emotions
  • 5 months later...

Not sure if this is the right page but hoping

It has been over 2 yrs since Ive gotten off all anti depressants, anti anxiety meds and sleeping pills, oh yea and oxycodone.  Im still having spells of total rage for any small thing!   Real bad!  Im afraid I'll hurt someone or myself in extreme anger..  Please advice and help!!!!!!  Since Ive gotten off all drugs Ive lost my chihuahua that Ive had for 15yrs, she died of old age, Then a month later, the end of Nov 2018 I lost my mom, I was her caregiver for 8yrs.  Then my son I was living with to share expenses decided he wanted to move in with his  pregnant girlfriend and her Mom, so I have lost my room mate son.   And because of that Ive lost my apartment cause I cannot afford it alone.  Now found my car cannot be fixed, its unfixable with my income.   Im afraid of my reactions if anything else comes up!  Just having pure rage!!

 

Started on ad's in the mid 90's.  

Amitriptyline , prozac , Wellbutrin, 'zoloft, effexor, trazodone,   remeron, Paxil, cymbalta 

xanax, buspar, lyrica, gabapentin, sam e, 5htp, L tryptophan, There were other ad's but I cant remember them all. 

Ambien, lunesta, cyclobenzaprine,

levothyroxine

Last ad was  Paxil, 60 mg.  I did a 6mt tapor, 

Only meds at this time is the levothyroxine, fish oil, folic acid, and unisom 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I was wondering if anyone had experienced akathisia. I've had it for 2 years. I don't know if it could be permanent. Does anyone know if it could reduce or improve if I reduce the abilify. 

Medication history:

2002-2004 olanzapine, 2.5

2003-2004- 10 olanzapine,

~2005-2007 quetiapine, 300mg

2006- zopiclone, 2 weeks, 2007 - 2013= abilify,

2013-2016- tapering abilify :blink:  

 

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  • Altostrata changed the title to Neuro-emotions
  • 1 month later...

I still have it after 31 months.

08/13 - 01/14
Olanzapine, petril MD (Clonazepam ), Dicorate ER (divalproex). Soza 10 (Zolpidem)

02/14 - 05/14
Flunil ​20mg , Divaa OD 250 mg(divalproex), Amisulpride 50mg (1-0-2), zolfresh 5 mg , Quetiapine
05/14 - 08/14 Venlafaxine 75 xr ( 1-0-1), zapiz 0.25
10/14 Zaptra 12.5mg , Oxetol xr 150mg (0-0-1)
11/14 - 08/15
Paris CR 25 (paroxetine) , Oxetol xr 600 mg (0-0-1), nitrest 5mg , Quetiapine for a month.
09/15-11 Venlafaxine XR 75 ( 1-0-1), Mirtazipine 15, Respiredal 0.5, Lamitor 25, zillion 10.
12/15-02/16 Off Meds (C.T)

03/16-Mid April Sertraline, Aripropazole, Quetiapine, Etizolam.

After that : CT and on OTC supplements (Roadback), now on Ayurveda
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  • 1 month later...

This is a very good thread indeed.Am learning how to try & deflect the feelings when they arise...I have been sitting with them & letting them wash over me...but the Neuro shame & regret is so so horrible!Its like one thought pops up,then others follow it.Change the channel I am trying to implement!But when those waves hit,it’s like everything your learning gets washed away!

I wish everybody a safe & healing journey.May your windows be longer & your waves milder 💕

First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg.

 

 

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On 1/1/2017 at 7:40 PM, Dez said:

I've been having suicidal feelings, not really thoughts, and was wondering if it's some other emotion and I'm confused? Like hopelessness? Is this a Neuro emotion too?

 

Been struggling with it for a few days now and it's very scary. I'd like to find ways to ease the feeling but am unsure of what to do.

how are you now? did you get over this? 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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On 9/29/2017 at 1:46 PM, lookingforrainbows said:

Wow, this thread gives me

so much clarity. I'm in a nasty deep dark wave this week, and have noticed my anger getting worse and the self loathing and helplessness, I feel like the waves are getting worse as the windows slowly grow longer, my last window was 2

weeks, has anyone noticed this? Longer windows equal deeper waves? I wonder if it is just the heeling of one neuro happening? I read earlier on in the thread about someone who was getting suicidal thoughts who didn't want to die...that's me this week, I'm going through this hell to heal not die, so why th thoughts?!

this is what i'm feeling right now - the closer together my windows are getting, the more intense the waves in between. is this a common pattern? someone please tell me this is because my brain is healing??? i've never felt suicidal before in my life until i went into withdrawals. this feeling of doom is new to me. all my life i've been such an optimistic person, always thinking things will turn out just fine, but still stopping the prozac i just fear the worse outcome for everything and the feeling is getting worse as time marches on. 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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2 hours ago, thecowisback said:

how are you now? did you get over this? 

Yes, this has definitely passed for the most part. Every now and then a wave will come by and I'll feel terrible, but it's never as bad as it was. It's improved so, so much!

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

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2 hours ago, thecowisback said:

this is what i'm feeling right now - the closer together my windows are getting, the more intense the waves in between. is this a common pattern? someone please tell me this is because my brain is healing??? i've never felt suicidal before in my life until i went into withdrawals. this feeling of doom is new to me. all my life i've been such an optimistic person, always thinking things will turn out just fine, but still stopping the prozac i just fear the worse outcome for everything and the feeling is getting worse as time marches on. 

I've also experienced this. I get longer windows but more intense waves. Maybe it feels intense because the windows feel better, so there's a strong contrast? It's also possible this is just what happens in healing. The brain is working on so many different areas that other areas need a break. You can't solve a puzzle in one go, you have to try different spots and pieces first.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

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  • 4 weeks later...

So glad to learn about "neuro-emotions"!  I have massive amounts of shame which magically disappear and then reappear. It's so bizarre how I can be completely convinced that I should be embarrassed about my entire life, and then a few hours later, I feel the exact opposite. I'm rarely angry, so when little spikes of anger surfaced, I knew those were from some source other than myself. But I'm a big fan of shaming myself on a regular basis, so that one caught off-guard.

 

Maybe withdrawal puts a big, fat, hot, sweaty spotlight on the aspects of your personality that most need fixing? Anyone else find that to be true?

2002 -- 2006: a little Xanax, clonazepam, Prozac, and Celexa, but mostly Zoloft.

2008 -- restarted 50mg Zoloft. 

2014 -- Increased to 75mg Zoloft,

2015 -- increased to 100 mg Zoloft,

March 2016 -- increased to 125 mg Zoloft

March 2017 -- increased to 150 mg Zoloft. 

April 2017: began taper. Reduced by about 10% every two weeks, until I hit 3 mg, then jumped off. Taper ended in April 2018. 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

AAF-  Acknowledge, Accept, Float

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotional anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

( written by brassmonkey April 2017)

Edited by manymoretodays
citation

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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  • 1 month later...

Hi everyone, 

hope everyone is doing okay. I've been researching a lot about neuro emotions and I know that a lot of times they can be real emotions that are extremely heightened during withdrawal but I was also wondering if they can be completely artificial and go away over time after withdrawal? I'm having a lot of irritational intense fears and dark thoughts and I'm just really hoping these will be completely gone one day and only be a withdrawal symptom. 

 

Thanks in advance 

End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.

Quit cold turkey in June 2016.

Reinstated 5 mg of Lexapro November 2016. I took 5 mg for 3 months and I tapered 10% every month with a few holds in between. I made the drop to 0 September 2018 and I've been completely off meds for a month. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Today was so angry with my neighbour that I've pushed her into the lift and  pressed the button to take to the basement with her dog! Talking about the neuro-anger. Such behaviour has never happened in my entire life and so unlike me! 

Need to be on guard!

 

 

Current Meds: Levothyrox 50mcg; Suppliments: Vit D,Vit B6, Magnesium

2014 21 Oct 2015 Nov  Lexapro  -   5mg including the taperring off but not slow enough

2015 Zoloft 25mg  Nov  9 days ; 25 May 14 days of 25 mg
2016 27 Oct - 29 Oct 18 Lexapro   5-6.5 mg  slow taper down to 1mg or less  

2018  Nov- 2020 Jul - Free of All psychotropes 

2020 Jul - 2022 Jan Ixprim 37.5mg 1 to 3 times/ daily; Jul 20 - jul 21 Tramadol 50mg x 3 tappered off slowly

2021  Clinical Trial of Therapeutic Cannabis Apr - May

2020  Gabapentin 10 Aug 500 mg; Sep 600mg; Oct 700mg: Dec 800- 900mg.

2021  Gabapentin Jan 900mg; 28 Jun 800mg; 14 Aug 700mg; 28 Aug 600mg; 9 Sep 500mg; 23 Sep 400mg; 9 Oct 300mg; 29 Oct 270mg; 4 Nov 250mg; 14 Nov 200mg; 22 Nov 170mg; 8 Dec 200mg;

2022 Gabapentin 3 Jan 300mg; 24 Feb 200mg; 23 Mar 180; 4 Apr 168mg; 12 Apr 150mg; 23 Avr 135mg; 1 May 100mg;

9May 90mg; 6 Jun - 4 Sep 80mg down to 50mg; 5 Sep 100mg; 22 Oct 80mg taper down to 20mg 28 Dec

2021 - 2023 Amitriptyline 1 Jul 1mg titrated to 6 mg  on 27 Sep; 20 Oct 7mg; From 28 April tappered slowly to 9 Jun 6mg; 28 Jul 5.5mg; 31 Aug 5mg; 6 Sep 4mg; 21 Sep 3mg; 3 Oct 2mg; 18 Oct 1.5mg; 1 Nov 1mg; 15 Nov 0.75mg; 29 Nov 05mg, 11 Dec - stopped it; 19 Dec 0.3mg reinstated; 3 Jan 0.25mg; 8 Jan "jumped off"

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On 10/20/2018 at 4:10 AM, Femme47 said:

Today was so angry ...

 

I've gotten the anger also! Mine is mostly neuro fear and sadness. Seriously the most intense kind I've ever felt and hope to never feel again once all this is over. I cannot believe my thoughts half the time! Which makes me really hope it's not the real me but they feel so real! 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
reduced quote

End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.

Quit cold turkey in June 2016.

Reinstated 5 mg of Lexapro November 2016. I took 5 mg for 3 months and I tapered 10% every month with a few holds in between. I made the drop to 0 September 2018 and I've been completely off meds for a month. 

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On 10/20/2018 at 2:04 PM, sadandconfused said:

 

I've gotten the anger also! ...

 

Yes, I really feel for you. I do not feel particularly sad (probably anger takes care of that) but fearful/anxious yes! I am also wondering if these are the original symptoms or the withdrawal. Though, shoveling elderly ladies in the lift is definitely not in my caracter! Drugs or not I need to find a healthy appropriate way to address it because it's "here "...but it's difficult..

 

Edited by ChessieCat
reduced quote

Current Meds: Levothyrox 50mcg; Suppliments: Vit D,Vit B6, Magnesium

2014 21 Oct 2015 Nov  Lexapro  -   5mg including the taperring off but not slow enough

2015 Zoloft 25mg  Nov  9 days ; 25 May 14 days of 25 mg
2016 27 Oct - 29 Oct 18 Lexapro   5-6.5 mg  slow taper down to 1mg or less  

2018  Nov- 2020 Jul - Free of All psychotropes 

2020 Jul - 2022 Jan Ixprim 37.5mg 1 to 3 times/ daily; Jul 20 - jul 21 Tramadol 50mg x 3 tappered off slowly

2021  Clinical Trial of Therapeutic Cannabis Apr - May

2020  Gabapentin 10 Aug 500 mg; Sep 600mg; Oct 700mg: Dec 800- 900mg.

2021  Gabapentin Jan 900mg; 28 Jun 800mg; 14 Aug 700mg; 28 Aug 600mg; 9 Sep 500mg; 23 Sep 400mg; 9 Oct 300mg; 29 Oct 270mg; 4 Nov 250mg; 14 Nov 200mg; 22 Nov 170mg; 8 Dec 200mg;

2022 Gabapentin 3 Jan 300mg; 24 Feb 200mg; 23 Mar 180; 4 Apr 168mg; 12 Apr 150mg; 23 Avr 135mg; 1 May 100mg;

9May 90mg; 6 Jun - 4 Sep 80mg down to 50mg; 5 Sep 100mg; 22 Oct 80mg taper down to 20mg 28 Dec

2021 - 2023 Amitriptyline 1 Jul 1mg titrated to 6 mg  on 27 Sep; 20 Oct 7mg; From 28 April tappered slowly to 9 Jun 6mg; 28 Jul 5.5mg; 31 Aug 5mg; 6 Sep 4mg; 21 Sep 3mg; 3 Oct 2mg; 18 Oct 1.5mg; 1 Nov 1mg; 15 Nov 0.75mg; 29 Nov 05mg, 11 Dec - stopped it; 19 Dec 0.3mg reinstated; 3 Jan 0.25mg; 8 Jan "jumped off"

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Yes it's incredibly difficult! I really do think it's part of this withdrawal but I hate how hard it is to tell what's real and what's not. I have heard that our thoughts are not "ours" during withdrawal but I'm not sure how long that applies to. Also, I feel like certain people "trigger" my anxiety more than others. I know it sounds strange but they're are certain people that make me wanna punch a window just from hearing them talk too much and I HATE that I feel that way 

End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.

Quit cold turkey in June 2016.

Reinstated 5 mg of Lexapro November 2016. I took 5 mg for 3 months and I tapered 10% every month with a few holds in between. I made the drop to 0 September 2018 and I've been completely off meds for a month. 

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