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Another Failed Relationship


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#1 Henry

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Posted 21 April 2017 - 04:18 AM

Hi all

 

I have been reading these forums for a couple of months now but have been scared to post in case my partner (ex partner) sees it. Its probably unlikely but who knows.

 

I have been with my girlfriend for 10 years, never lived together but were both happy with the arrangement. We have never really had any significant fights or disagreements, at worst a few hours of the cold shoulder treatment after a minor tiff over something trivial.

 

October 2016 she seemed to be getting a little distant both with ehr text and email communication and in person. I questioned it but she said it was nothing. After a couple of weeks of me feeling this I again questioned her, she broke down in tears and said she had been having panic attacks and awful thoughts about me, her family and about harming herself etc. She said it wasn't me and she didnt want to lose me. So, she makes an appointment to see the GP, had to wait a couple of weeks, during which time she was very distant and clearly not herself.  the doctor prescribed 50mg of Zoloft and sent her on her way. A couple of weeks later still feeling pretty down, she return to the doctor who increased the Zoloft to 100mg. After a week or so, things started improving, she came out her shell, her text messages to me were more loving and like her old self and she thanked me for being there for her and told me how much she loved me. I let her know that I will always be there for her and that I would be lost without her.

 

A few weeks later it was Christmas and we had a wonderful time together with family, hers and mine. It was like it always had been. I asked her how she was getting on with the medication and she said fine but she was having some side effects, particularly sleep problems and profuse sweating in bed. She went back to the doctor who gave her checklist of side effects and asked her to complete it and return it on her next visit. We did it together.

 

A few weeks later passed and again I asked how she was feeling on the meds and she said that she had no feelings at all and that she was happy that she wasn't having panic attacks and wasn't anxious, nor was she getting road rage or being short tempered with her family like she always was. She thought it was great. It was noticeable to me that she had lost feelings, even watching heartbreaking films wouldn't raise a tear whereas pre-meds she would cry at the slightest of things in movies. Thankfully that lack of feeling hadn't extended to me.........or had it.

 

Her next visit to the doctor, she told him of the side effects she was experiencing and gave the checklist back. So he reduced her dosage back down to 50mg and also prescribed Effexor, he told her that if the side effects had cleared in two weeks then to stop the Zoloft for a week and then go on to Effexor. 

 

The next two weeks on the reduced dose I hardly heard from her, when I did, it was short and blunt. The more I asked questions, the more she seemed to distance herself.This resulted in her wanting a break the day before she was stopping the Zoloft for a week.

 

I havent seen or heard from her since. I know that she switched to Effexor around the end of February and took them for around 4 weeks. She then reduced her dose to half on her own authority and then a week later stopped them completely. I know this from her family who are obviously very concerned about her but don't really now what to do, they are afraid that the more they question her, the more she will isolate herself. her parents have said they dont believe there is anybody other men in her life and that she appears to be staying home alone most of the time.

 

Obviously there is a lot of history between us and there is probably a lot of details that I have missed out but I dont want to write a book. 

 

Long story short, we were very very much in love, I know she loved me, even a few weeks before she wanted a break, she was talking about the future and planning vacations and buying me gifts and wanting to buy me more gifts etc and then WHAM! I do understand the change would have been gradual but it seems like it was overnight. Much like everybody else who has gone through this, I am totally heartbroken and confused. thank god for this forum.

 

She has now been cold turkey for just over two weeks. Is there any hope that she can come back, not just to me but to herself? she was such a lovely lady and now seems totally different.


Edited by ChessieCat, 21 April 2017 - 01:53 PM.
Removed GF's name


#2 Konjo

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Posted 22 April 2017 - 02:04 AM

Hi Henry,

 

I'm very sorry to read that you are another victims of these devilish drugs. 

I had such situation 4 years ago and imho right now you have almost zero influence how this situation will develop. There is only one good info - she is off the meds. Right now you should focus on yourself. Stay sane, healthy and wait....

 

If you have any questions feel free to ask here or PM me.

 

Best



#3 Henry

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Posted 22 April 2017 - 03:46 AM

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and reply Konjo I really appreciate it.

Yes it's good that she is off the meds. She was only on them a total of 4 months, off for a couple of weeks. From what I have read though even short term use can have lasting effects, especially when going CT. From what I can gather there is no correlation between length of use/ withdrawal times / getting feelings back.

Only time will tell but it is truly heartbreaking.

A friend If mine has just been speaking to somebody who is also on an ssri and just ended a 20 year marriage. She said she feels great and the pills have opened up her eyes to what she really wants. Her doctor has suggested she comes off the pills but she wants to stay on them because they make her feel that she is living the life she really wants.

Terrifying

#4 Konjo

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Posted 22 April 2017 - 05:03 AM

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and reply Konjo I really appreciate it.

Yes it's good that she is off the meds. She was only on them a total of 4 months, off for a couple of weeks. From what I have read though even short term use can have lasting effects, especially when going CT. From what I can gather there is no correlation between length of use/ withdrawal times / getting feelings back.

Only time will tell but it is truly heartbreaking.

A friend If mine has just been speaking to somebody who is also on an ssri and just ended a 20 year marriage. She said she feels great and the pills have opened up her eyes to what she really wants. Her doctor has suggested she comes off the pills but she wants to stay on them because they make her feel that she is living the life she really wants.

Terrifying

 

Yes Henry, That time 4 years ago was the hardest part of my life. I guess that even death of loved one could be easier to handle than such situation. I was really down, terrified, uncertain and despaired. 

 

Reading so many similar stories I didn't find any pattern of returning love. In my case ex was only few months on Lexapro (never reached max dose) and tapered it in a month. Also after reading online stories I heard similar ones in the real life. One coworker, one coworker-friends, one met during music festival (all of them in Poland) and one in US when I met a guy sitting at the pier of the local lake looking at sunset. I slowly begun a conversation with him and his story was about Xanax & Celexa and his girlfriend that suddenly broke with him.

 

Such stories are about people (ssri users) of very different background - some had troubles in childhood and others were grown in perfect families. Some atheist and others very religious Christians and Muslims. My ex was a newcomer Buddhist and in my case long hours practicing meditation helped me not to went crazy....



#5 Henry

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Posted 22 April 2017 - 08:15 AM

I just hope that some of them memories come back. The lovely holidays we had, the ones we were planning. How much fun we had together, the love she had for me.

But I worry that even if they do come back she will be too stubborn or embarrassed to make contact. She is very stubborn anyway.

#6 Henry

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Posted 23 April 2017 - 02:06 AM

I wonder if it's possible that she thinks I don't care at all? I mean she initiated the break and 6 weeks later it was her birthday. I didn't even send a card because I didn't want to be rejected again. 4 weeks later and the break seems permanent after her parents returned some of my belongings.

I just wonder if I've made her feel unloved or if contacting her would have pushed her further away!

#7 Konjo

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Posted 24 April 2017 - 06:48 AM

I wonder if it's possible that she thinks I don't care at all? I mean she initiated the break and 6 weeks later it was her birthday. I didn't even send a card because I didn't want to be rejected again. 4 weeks later and the break seems permanent after her parents returned some of my belongings.

I just wonder if I've made her feel unloved or if contacting her would have pushed her further away!

 

IMHO. The aswer is: nobody knows. Withdrawal is a roller--coaster ride. 

 

I tried to give my ex more space - she started to met a a new guy, When I tried to be supportive - she accused me of controlling behavior. 

 

I guess that in  you are in slighty better situation than  I was 4 years ago -- You don't live together with her and that means that one minute she can behave like her old-self and another minute she can turn into self-centered, cold alien. Withdrawal can mean anger as well - I had to hide bigger knives because I was affraid of ex anger outbursts....