nicolantana

Dealing with the lost years and moving forward

13 posts in this topic

Hey guys,

 

There may be another thread along this line so feel free to join if necessary.

The title of the post speaks for itself.

 

I'm only 9 months into hell. Five months on meds, four off. I have severe anhedonia. pretty lifeless but in control of the situation.

I'm 29 years old. It pains me that my life is on hold for the forseeable future.

 

I know alot of the answers are straighforward here, we grieve, we feel the hurt and move forwards with renewed energy.

But just like to hear from the community on this..

 

Much love,

 

Nick

Share this post


Link to post

I have to believe that the lost years will be redeemed, Nick. I have a strong faith in God (though I have to ashamedly admit to some wavering and doubts during some of the hard waves of withdrawal), and He promises to redeem the lost days. I do not know what that will look like for me, my wife, and my children - or when it will happen - but it will.

 

SJ

Share this post


Link to post

Hi Nick,

 

This is my second time feeling like I have lost years. The first time I had two small children and the medications turned me into a zombie. I don't remember much from that time, I call them my lost five years. I did grieve them at first but now I don't think about them much. Once I was through them and back into life I found that I was enjoying life so much that I didn't have time to worry about or even think about what I had missed. I'm hoping that this time will be the same and that once I recover from the w/d and taper off the meds I am still on I will still have a lot of life left and I will just go out and enjoy it. I'm doing the grieving right now so that should be done by the time I'm better too. I'm almost 51 by the way and still feel that there is a lot that life has to offer once I'm healed. I also have a lot to offer life. I think these experiences help us to be more compassionate and empathetic with other people.

 

Hugs and healing.

Share this post


Link to post

I've had the same thoughts after my six years of ssri use. I lost lots of memories and moments. But I stay excited about the years to come. I'm 37 and done with the drugs, acceptance and time I believe are the keys!!

Share this post


Link to post

This is my first post in this area of threads of sa.

I've been wanting to mention this very topic but didnt know where and didnt really want to mention it in my intro.

 

Just recently i have  also been brokenhearted at the lost years.

In particular i am outraged at the sporting years stolen from me by GSK.

 

As i look back the time i stopped playing representative sport or club sport or social sport was the virtually the day i started popping pills from the doctor. I now believe that was not a coincidence. Basically 15.5 years of sport stolen from me. All  my passions affections desires simply vapourized.

 

At 5.5 yrs off the drug ...almost one year ago today I decided i would join a club again and start again. The withdrawal was so disabling i couldnt have done it any sooner.

 

It was humbling and embarrassing. I persevered ..it was a slow process.

It was more the occasion than any ability i decided to enter the World Masters Games 2017.

It is the first time in over 15 years i have played in any tournament or competition. I wasnt expecting a lot just to turn up.

I will never get those lost years back but i have a new challenge and its to make the most of those years i do have left. Stay calm and master it. It could so easily have been so much better however i am happy considering my GSK handicap to come away with a silver. Sport: Prefer not to say.

 

My compromised cns is currently struggling coping with what i lost when it should be rejoicing in what i accomplished. But i guess thats human nature anyway.

 

I post this as an encouragement to not give up but see it as not second best but a second chance because many don't even come through this alive.

 

nz11

Stay calm and master it.

post-2559-0-19459900-1493438978.jpg

Share this post


Link to post

NZ, 

 

Congratulations on getting back into your sport and winning a silver. I'm so glad you have been able to get back into it. 

 

I agree that we all struggle with what we have lost and for many. like me, are still losing. It is hard not to think about it in a negative way. It is so good to hear the positive uplifting and successful stories of others that have made it or are making it to the other side and finding life is still good.

 

Hugs

T

Share this post


Link to post

Way to go nz! You rock!

Share this post


Link to post

It's a hard one.

 

I'm in my 50's now.  So - there would be many years which would be a blur, anyway.

 

How well do I want to remember that mountain, that concert, that picnic with friends?

 

Of course I do - but it seems like, over time, the important stuff sticks or comes back.  Or enough stuff sticks and comes back that I still feel like a person.

 

I don't know that there's a tipping point - if you have 100 memories are you less alive than the person with 1000?  Memories do make up what we are, but they are also faulty, tinged, with a bias towards the "bad" memories.  It's a survival mechanism - remember - don't touch that hot stove!

 

I do know this, I am a better person now, after, off the drugs, than I was before them.  It's easy to see.  I am able to see other people more clearly, recognize their feelings and compassion for them.  That would not have been possible when I was younger.

 

Well done on the sports NZ!

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks for the different answers guys! very positive and uplifting. This is all stuff I knew, but it's crucial to have it reinforced!

Share this post


Link to post

This is my first post in this area of threads of sa.

I've been wanting to mention this very topic but didnt know where and didnt really want to mention it in my intro.

 

Just recently i have  also been brokenhearted at the lost years.

In particular i am outraged at the sporting years stolen from me by GSK.

 

As i look back the time i stopped playing representative sport or club sport or social sport was the virtually the day i started popping pills from the doctor. I now believe that was not a coincidence. Basically 15.5 years of sport stolen from me. All  my passions affections desires simply vapourized.

 

At 5.5 yrs off the drug ...almost one year ago today I decided i would join a club again and start again. The withdrawal was so disabling i couldnt have done it any sooner.

 

It was humbling and embarrassing. I persevered ..it was a slow process.

It was more the occasion than any ability i decided to enter the World Masters Games 2017.

It is the first time in over 15 years i have played in any tournament or competition. I wasnt expecting a lot just to turn up.

I will never get those lost years back but i have a new challenge and its to make the most of those years i do have left. Stay calm and master it. It could so easily have been so much better however i am happy considering my GSK handicap to come away with a silver. Sport: Prefer not to say.

 

My compromised cns is currently struggling coping with what i lost when it should be rejoicing in what i accomplished. But i guess thats human nature anyway.

 

I post this as an encouragement to not give up but see it as not second best but a second chance because many don't even come through this alive.

 

nz11

Stay calm and master it.

 

 

I'm proud of of you NZ!

 

 

It's a hard one.

 

I'm in my 50's now.  So - there would be many years which would be a blur, anyway.

 

How well do I want to remember that mountain, that concert, that picnic with friends?

 

Of course I do - but it seems like, over time, the important stuff sticks or comes back.  Or enough stuff sticks and comes back that I still feel like a person.

 

I don't know that there's a tipping point - if you have 100 memories are you less alive than the person with 1000?  Memories do make up what we are, but they are also faulty, tinged, with a bias towards the "bad" memories.  It's a survival mechanism - remember - don't touch that hot stove!

 

I do know this, I am a better person now, after, off the drugs, than I was before them.  It's easy to see.  I am able to see other people more clearly, recognize their feelings and compassion for them.  That would not have been possible when I was younger.

 

Well done on the sports NZ!

 

THIS!

 

So much warmth and wisdom in your words, Jan.  Very honest and real.

Share this post


Link to post

I'm struggling so much with this right now. I've missed so many big things like weddings, the birth of my friend's children, vacations and good times that I should have been there for but also just working, driving, exercising, going to Celtics games, feeling like myself! This has been four and a half years of Hell because of Klonopin and I can't let go of the anger that this all could have been avoided if a doctor had done his job. I'm 31 and still on 2.5 mg's of Klonopin and feeling so hopeless. I can't deal with the social isolation and being sedentary anymore.

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks for the encouraging kind words.

Share this post


Link to post

I'm struggling so much with this right now. I've missed so many big things like weddings, the birth of my friend's children, vacations and good times that I should have been there for but also just working, driving, exercising, going to Celtics games, feeling like myself! This has been four and a half years of Hell because of Klonopin and I can't let go of the anger that this all could have been avoided if a doctor had done his job. I'm 31 and still on 2.5 mg's of Klonopin and feeling so hopeless. I can't deal with the social isolation and being sedentary anymore.

You have many great years ahead of you, Fuzzy! You just keep working the slow taper, and you will get free of the meds. Focus on what you can do when as you heal. Hope in the future can be a great motivator!

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now