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archonome: I was ''free'' from 2011 to 2016. practically cured from PAWS


archonome

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Hey guys.

i want to offer you some encouragement as well as share my story.

 

 

My past:

 

Tried a variety of antidepressants for 6 years, I don't remember them all except ending with Wellbutrin and effexor(max dose).

I was also addicted to benzos, I remember

taking ON A DAILY basis: 

6g of xanax +

drinking 1 Liter of 8% beer a day

+ smoking 3g of MJ.

 

So you can imagine how much I was really screwed up.  I ended it all cold turkey, broke in an appartment struggling to pay my bills.

Looking back today, I realise how brave and strong I must've been. By all accounts, I should be dead if I am to believe that

alcohol withdrawal and benzo withdrawal together could kill you. ( I did not know at the time).

 

I was back to "normal" which meant having anxiety, etc.

 

 

Now:

 

Been taking celexa 20 mg for 3 months only after a tragedy made me resort to it.

I do regret it now as I realise it's not worth not feeling motivated to do anything.

It's like it took the excitement out of my life. I can think about stuff I want to do but they just don't excite me as they should.

 

I've taken 15mg for past 2 weeks. Now, i'm down at 10mg about 3 days ago.

I feel fine except being tired and not motivated to do any tasks (funny thing is I've felt like this on celexa anyway, nothing changed).

I know the boards recommend a very slow taper but since I've been on only 3 months. I don't want to spend 3 months tapering

which would basically make it 6 months on this drug, and much longer impact on my brain.

I've done cold turkey before on FAR worse as you can tell.

 

 

 

Anyway, just want to share and get your thoughts as well.

 

 

Thanks everyone. If my past is any hope to you guys, I am telling you... You will return back to normal.

You might not be cured of anxiety, etc  but you will definitely enjoy feeling SOBER.

Edited by scallywag
tags

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

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  • Administrator

Welcome, archonome.

 

You might hold at 10mg for a few weeks to see how the reductions affected you. The side effects of fatigue and emotional anesthesia might lighten, and that would be good.

 

These supplements can nurture your nervous system:
 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

Be sure to get at least a half-hour of gentle exercise per day.

 

Please read this for background:

 

Tips for tapering off Celexa (citalopram)

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 8 months later...

Arch we would love to hear from you ...any update?

Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen

We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. 

URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting  for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing.

http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651   

Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos.

Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you

Recovering paxil addict

None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. 

This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! 

  "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped."  Dr Mosher. Me too! 

Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015

I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015

Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017

 

 

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to archonome: 7 years off. Back on 3 months ago (mistake)
  • 5 years later...

Check my signature it will resume the saga.

I had a major life event in 2016. It made me psychologically sick. 

Depression came in FULL force. I had actually never had depression.

The medications were always about my dehabilitating anxiety.

But by 2016, I was depressed. Looking back it was ENTIRELY based on a relationship.

But I was physically ill so I was desperate... I went back on effexor. etc

 

I quit in december but like a fool I did it cold turkey. I wasnt thinking straight as I was

basically under my weed addiction 24/7. I dont think anyone smoked as much...

I mean 1 lbs of flower per month was consumed...I was a mess. I didnt know what to do.

I was just glad I had kicked the ssri. I had bought a cardio machine and I was running

on it...to run from my symptoms. I really abused it...I had 2 months clean from weed and

approx 5 months clean from effexor. I was managing well...then my cardio machine broke!

Instantly, I lost all the daily endorphins. It sent my brain out of whack almost immediately.

During those 2 months detoxing from weed...I felt my crankiness, exhaustion, not being able to

handle stress, shakiness...all return to me...BAM. I couldnt deal with it. I was shocked.

So in my insanity, I thought ''Hey! I was at least managing while on weed. Im dying right now. screw all this''....

 

So I went on a binge for 2-3 weeks...my mood elevated alot after that...artificially.

Well I've cut weed again. Now im back to feeling almost identical to how I was right when the cardio machine broke.

 

I hope I didnt break any rules. I read them but you never know there's so many threads. I could have easily missed.

I just wanted to share my journey here. I hope you don mind. 

It's been 6 or 7 months since I took my last dosage of effexor. I tapered it by removing beads but I did it at a rapid pace(3-4 months max). 

 

My cns is destabilized from the massive amounts of THC abuse(I was smoking so much but I was not getting any of the hallucinations you should get from those massive dosages.... That tells you how ''fried'' my brain was or how much adaptations it made) + then you also factor in the effexor withdrawals which itself is no joke).

   

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

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Oh yes: may I add the current situation:

 

Unsurprisingly. I feel irritated. I cannot handle stress. For example, dealing with getting a refund on an item right now. It feels like Im about to cry from frustration constantly. I just feel like too immature to deal with stress. 

My anxiety is not bad at all (if I dont leave the house).  If i do go out and interact with people, I will come back home and I cannot ''turn off''. Like my thoughts or intrusive thoughts will hound me until I reset(from sleep).

I avoid all situations atm. I wish I could go back to work but...Im stuck in a call center. As you can imagine, the worst possible scenario(getting bullied by angry clients, gasslighted by managers, ''its always your fault'' no matter what clients request , etc). So i basically stuck... I don't want to have a mental breakdown. I dont want to quit another job because of this. Im lucky to even have family...or Id be homeless...

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

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  • Altostrata changed the title to archonome: I was ''free'' from 2011 to 2016. practically cured from PAWS
  • Administrator

Hello, @archonome

 

I merged your new posts with your existing Introduction. Thanks for updating us, we haven't heard from you since 2017!

 

You had recovered from antidepressant withdrawal syndrome but now have cannabis withdrawal syndrome?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Based off my symptoms, its ssri and/or Thc  . Its very familiar to the protracted paws I experienced between 2011-2012 . Probably both.  Same problematic symptoms as before. 

I was never depressed but this one incident caused me trauma I couldnt get over.  Now that im off

ssri and weed im still depressed but its my brain. I dont have anything serious bothering me.

I never actually had depression before until that 1 traumatic event which I am completely over now.

But I get all the neuro emotions, waves and patterns. Right now I might feel okay for a few hours but bam i will wake up after a bad nights sleep at its as if I stopped ssris a week ago. Thats the best I can describe it.

Intrusive thoughts, ocd tendencies(thoughts)  . I try to avoid going outside in order to not trigger

the never ending sprial where I am too agitated to go to sleep. Its like my CNS cannot handle the sensory

overload going outside etc

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

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  • Administrator

We don't provide peer counseling for cannabis withdrawal. It's possible your nervous system was already sensitized from going off Effexor and the cannabis overuse caused it to become unstable. As with Effexor withdrawal, recovery is slow and frustrating over months, not weeks.

 

Many people find these to be helpful:

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

You might try a low dose of one at a time to see what it does for you.

 

From what month to what month were you recovered from Effexor withdrawal, before this mishap with cannabis?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I was on effexor years ago and stopped for 5-6 years.

Last time I recovered, in my opinion(looking back now), it took approx 1-2 years.

Was I fully cured? probably not at all... but there was a MASSIVE difference.

I was on SSRI the first time from 2005 to 2010ish. 

Then I was off them all from 2011 to approx 2017.

 

Then the major life event happened. My fiance backstabbed me and I found out she was seeing someone else the entire time we were together. That completely ruined my life...I even lost my job because of it. So I got back on ssri on approx 2017 up to end of November/Begin of december 2022.  I got off them because well.. they didn't really help anymore...I just knew there was more negative than any pluses. If anything, i was only taking them to avoid this massive protracted ''withdrawals'' from SSRIs which doctors

always tell me ''dont exist''....But I know better.

 

I was on weed from 2019 to Feb2023.  Then didnt smoke for 2 months(until May).

Relapsed for 2-3 weeks on weed...quit again on May 24th.

I for sure have 6-7 months completely zero Effexor since december 2022.

 

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

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Ok. Im not at m worst at the moment. Of course, i have to avoid triggers completely.

Filling up job applicatons and not hearing back doesnt help... I got no choice to unfortunately.

But thats part of my longterm depression... I think ive only heard from 3 employers in the last year...

Thats not going to change so...I got to live with this.

 

So far, I am fine until I bump into triggers like this. Such as knowing full well racism discrimination

is something that plagued all my job applications. Of course, I cannot move or do a thing about it

because I cant get hired in the first place! Im trying to find remote work as going outside 

is a huge trigger for me right now.  Just feels like I cannot handle any disapointments at the moment or even a call to customer service to fix an issue on the phone will completely flip my day/mood. 

I know for sure this has alot to do with being ''in a dark fog'' if that makes sense. I dont plan on

ever going back on SSRI ever again...Id rather kill myself to be honest. 

They didnt make anything better...it always just gradually...makes me aloof to everything and

it's not like they made me fool good either way. Funny enough, I feel BETTER about myself right now being off of them!  I do know for sure my central nervous system is out of whack as I could handle

disapointments before I quit the SSRI. They didnt affect me LIKE THIS. Right now, if I even drink coffee

I get a HUGE mood change that follows a few hours after.  They instantly sorta cure my motivation problems and make me enjoy doing leisurely things but I pay with HELL a few hours later.  

Same for exercise, if I push myself even slightly too much, my mood will dip EXTREMELY hard later.

I can control it all as long as I basically dont have to interact with people too much as it stresses me out to be in public with too many people around. its like i get sensory overload and I cant shut my brain after that.

I dont know if that all makes sense.

 

Anyway thats my update for now.  Thank you for listening. I thank you for the community

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

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I had coffee for the 1st time yesterday during the day which

gave me a MASSIVE boost. It completely transforms my apathy

to motivation.... but it always wrecks my mood afterwards without fail.

I also made the mistake of eating 3 slices of pizza right before bed.

 

Why im telling you this?

I paid the price because I only slept 4-6 hours...woke up this morning

and im feeling lethargic but once I wake I cannot go back to sleep no matter

how tired. For me its normal to wake up and be anxious feeling in my GUT.

That ALWAYS existed before I took the SSRIs...thats about the ony benefit I get from them.

They remove that morning dread by 90%.  Well I dont have the cushion anymore but

Ill gladly take it knowing I got rid of the medications...

 

Back to the subject. As usual, whenever I dont sleep well for 1 night,

my withdrawal symptoms PEAK. Right now its pretty bad. My brain is VERY foggy. Im very lethargic and my mood is unstable id say. Like things can make me sad real quick (if that makes sense). But because

I can stay home...for now. Nothing disheartening can push me to the edge

of feeling horrible. I hope that makes sense to someone. 

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

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  • Administrator

It sounds like your system is still sensitized from withdrawal and you need to treat it much more gently. See 

 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

It sounds like your system is still sensitized from withdrawal and you need to treat it much more gently. See 

 

Thank you so much. You give me hope. 

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

Link to comment

Today, I had a trigger(conflict). I try to avoid going out unless its absolutely necessary errands etc.  I took trash few hours early...well new neighbor complained about it. I felt like I couldn't argue over it but I felt like as usual I get walked over.   People are bringing their trash out it's sunday but when I do it , he sees and thinks he can say something about it!(older fellow). Anyhow, it troubled me the rest of the day. I couldnt push it aside unfortunately. I eventually 2-3 hours later, I decided . no im not going to live under this. I went to bring the trash out and another next door neighbor brought his trash out also at the same time(seeing me reminded him).

Anyhow, seeing him and many others already(trash already out) showed me I have a problem dealing with conflict like this. It's either I want to rip the persons head off or keep quiet, theres no in between. Whole body gets shaky and nervous, its unbearable. This is EXACTLY what I meant , in my earlier posts that my CNS cannot handle any conflicts atm...which is why I dont like to leave the house much...I cant defend myself from abuse or simply everyday hickups that would be mundane for others.  Nothing worse than feeling self-esteem damaged and you cant do anything about it...which damages your self esteem more and people who are excessive think they can have another on one you in the future. Physically, it's like my mind cannot let go what happened until I reset which is usually if I sleep...then wake up its a new day. But yet again, who wants to avoid everything in life? Atm I got no choice.  Part of it is also my lifelong anxiety disorder which was main reason for going on ssris...it's not like they actually worked either. I couldnt deal with conflict ON them either. But actually, I remember sometime in 2015 when I was ssri free, I was MUCH better at dealing with conflict, my CNS wasn't shaking, I had better control.  Funny enough, it might be hard to believe, but I am 100% sure of the following: when I started taking SSRI in 2017, my ability to deal with panic attacks got WORSE. I started feeling this "shakiness" when having conflict IMMEDIATELY come back when I re-instated the SSRI after years of being off.   The only other time I had this was ..you guessed it...when I am "withdrawing" from SSRIs...  this is the point where I am at now.  Hopefully, someday(years), I can achieve that "state" where the shakiness was gone...

Edited by archonome
correcting errors

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

Link to comment

probably was the worst day so far today in 6 months. Derealization almost feels like I got ptsd or something...

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Try to stay calm, and don't blame yourself.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate you.

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

Link to comment

symptoms are abit more dormant since time has passed. Still feel horrible off course lol. Avoiding possible triggers which is probably main reason. One bad situatinon and depersonalization or derealization will occurr again with never ending loop of negatieve thoughts. Only sleep and days of distance from those events can restore.  Still in same place just no at heigtened levels of the bad. If that makes any sense.

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

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  • Administrator

It can take months to recover from withdrawal syndrome.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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oh yeah. no doubt !   Last time i quit for a long time, it took  close to 2 years for it generally be over(from memory). I'm only at 7th month atm from ssri and few weeks for thc. I expect probably another 1-1.5year.

 

Good news , the ''wave''(or window) not sure which is the correct term is dissipating a little bit. LIke there's still 50% of it still there but it's def gone down from its peak. Gotta avoid the triggers or go through that again. So it took 6 days to heal from that ''flare''.  But it could be flared on June 21(job interview) depending on the trigger. But so im grateful...until then lol. But thank God i feel the ocd'ness is dropped immensely. It's night and day  to have i felt 6 days ago.  

 

Documenting it all so I can re-read it in the months ahead so I can come back when things get awful to remind myself how after each brutal period...i seemed to recover. Sorta like little reminders.  Plus, to see(hopefully) a trend...even if a very minor one...long-term of the overall symptoms if they are going down...then I could use that(again) as motivation to continue. Added benefit, maybe someone can read it and not feel so alone in their own journey. They can maybe recognize themselves and see hope because I'm not special. If I did it, you can do it for sure. Hopefully much faster than me even!! 

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

Link to comment

update:  Good and bad 

I was depressed by life circumstances. Sending out applications. I've sent out approx 100 in last 2 weeks. I've barely heard of one. Another one contacted me(agency) but ghosted me. I think I've sent 150 in april, I heard back from a single one. It's been depressing...all my years of school, debt was for nothing basically. Threw my life away... 

 

Anyhow, good news. I for sure 100% feel there's progress on the physical side of long-term withdrawal/adjustment of CNS. I don't know how to put my fingers on it but I believe in general. The auditory hallucinations and the flaring of symptoms(from the situational trigger of sunday before last) has dissipated totally, hence the symptoms with it are gone.  I'm ONLY left with the depression which I can't do anything about its associated with my life... It's going to be a permanent feature. I went back to school in order to ''fix it'' and yet i still ended up in the exact same situation as 15 years ago... I got cancelled out of  life. It's permanent miniimum wage for me or call-centers where they treat you inhumanely on the customer side and the micromanager's side(not somewhere you want to be if you have depression or anxiety in the first place).

 

Anyhow. Yesterday I decided to sleep during the day... I slept from 4-10... I could not go back to sleep until 4am. I had some quietapine(anti-psychotic), which I kept for major panic attack(emergency only) but I told myself I would never use it UNLESS something happened on the job(in the future) that could get me fired unless i deal with the symptoms quick.... Well, last night , I made the mistake of taking an extremely small fraction of a pill to force myself to sleep.... it worked but I woke up and I feel groggy and depressed. It definitely didn't help. So I kinda regret that.  It also makes me wonder if I screwed up my progress for resetting my brain to factory setting. Probably so... lesson learned. I'm considering throwing it away. I worry that it does more harm than good such as makes me more unstable mood-wise the following days. Like it can send the CNS out of whack. I don't want that. The only way to avoid it is to never take basically.

 

 

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

Link to comment

So I finally made the decision to throw out the Quietiapine. Although i've only taken a ''sliver'' of the 25mg pill(like a tiny scrape of the 25mg pill.  Probably like  5mg or so)  only TWICE in the past 6 months.

But I really really don't want to hamper my brain recovering as I know it's a dopamine drug and I've taken that pretty often when I had it before(prescribed as ''Needed''). I never took it everyday. Yet I know that I still did take it for like 3-4 years as needed so for sure it has made changes to my brain as well.  Brain is too elastic. I'm sure taking 1 or twice would ''reset'' my neural pathways pretty quick. It's just how the brain works. It can remember addiction really fast and bring you back where you once were. For example, someone who's been addicted to nicotine, I know for a fact that if I smoked cigarettes for a few days...I will become addict again just as I was before..chain smoking etc.  I want my brain to go back to factory settings.  Thankfully, I stopped myself now before I made it a habit of using each time i get a crisis...I truly want my brain's journey to get as close to ''default factory setting''  as possible. 

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

Link to comment

Hi you might like to try EFT Tapping and also the self-help Inner Bonding process, and/or learning about boundaries, setting boundaries in a healthy way for self care. When you are furious that indicates you didn't set a boundary you needed. Maybe this is helpful these have helped me. Just pressiing the face points for the eft helps calm me a bit. It's not a miracle cure. 

Aug.22.2019 20mg | July.4.2019 20.5mg | May.16.2019 22mg | Mar.28.2019 23.5mg | Feb.7.2019 25mg | Dec.20.2018 26.5mg | Nov.1.2018 28.5mg | Sept.13.2018 30.5mg | July.26.2018 32mg | June.7.2018 33.5mg | Apr.19.2018 35.14mg | Mar.1.2018 37mg | Jan.11.2018 39mg | Nov.2.2017 41mg. | Sept.21.2017 stepping down to 43mg. Aug.10.17 45mg. | June 1.17 47mg.| Apr.20.17 50mg | Feb.12.17 53mg  | Jan.1.17 56mg | Nov.9.16 59mg | Sept.1.16 62mg | June 16 .16 65mg.  May 21 2016 Stepped down to Venlafaxine 70mg. 

April 22 2016 switched from Venlafaxine XR 75mg to: different brand, Venlafaxine non-extended release 75mg. Been taking Effexor XR 75mg. many years. Tried reducing last year, began having bad side effects. 

Link to comment
7 hours ago, Kay said:

Hi you might like to try EFT Tapping and also the self-help Inner Bonding process, and/or learning about boundaries, setting boundaries in a healthy way for self care. When you are furious that indicates you didn't set a boundary you needed. Maybe this is helpful these have helped me. Just pressiing the face points for the eft helps calm me a bit. It's not a miracle cure. 

hey thanks alot for even taking the time write that for me. I will check into right now. 

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

Link to comment
8 hours ago, Kay said:

Hi you might like to try EFT Tapping and also the self-help Inner Bonding process, and/or learning about boundaries, setting boundaries in a healthy way for self care. When you are furious that indicates you didn't set a boundary you needed. Maybe this is helpful these have helped me. Just pressiing the face points for the eft helps calm me a bit. It's not a miracle cure. 

 

Found this. Reading up on it 

https://www.innerbonding.com/IBWeb/downloads/free_courses/Free_Course.pdf

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

Link to comment

That's terrific Archonome I hope it's helpful.

Aug.22.2019 20mg | July.4.2019 20.5mg | May.16.2019 22mg | Mar.28.2019 23.5mg | Feb.7.2019 25mg | Dec.20.2018 26.5mg | Nov.1.2018 28.5mg | Sept.13.2018 30.5mg | July.26.2018 32mg | June.7.2018 33.5mg | Apr.19.2018 35.14mg | Mar.1.2018 37mg | Jan.11.2018 39mg | Nov.2.2017 41mg. | Sept.21.2017 stepping down to 43mg. Aug.10.17 45mg. | June 1.17 47mg.| Apr.20.17 50mg | Feb.12.17 53mg  | Jan.1.17 56mg | Nov.9.16 59mg | Sept.1.16 62mg | June 16 .16 65mg.  May 21 2016 Stepped down to Venlafaxine 70mg. 

April 22 2016 switched from Venlafaxine XR 75mg to: different brand, Venlafaxine non-extended release 75mg. Been taking Effexor XR 75mg. many years. Tried reducing last year, began having bad side effects. 

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Kay said:

That's terrific Archonome I hope it's helpful.

Thank you so much!!

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

Link to comment

Anxiety is at an all time low but I don't have any triggers. Still I can't minimize this.

It reminds me how I was before I took the ssri which made my panic MUCH worse. 

Its so strange how taking those drugs made me more ''shakier'' than ever as soon as I took them again.

Right now, alot of that shakiness during bad moments is lessened. That

alone is a reason to never take them again for my anxiety problems. 

The feeling in the gut in the morning, that was the only thing it solved.

 

Apart from that, I have the low mood. Depression from life circumstances of course.

But nothing catastrophic. Again, if I was forced to be homeless, I am sure it would

all my symptoms would be 100% worse. Still have a lifeline for now so Im a-okay.

Life sucks. Other than that.  Only way is to learn to live differently and tolerate it differently somehow(in the mind).

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

Link to comment

Well back to ''all conditions must be perfect or suffer CNS withdrawal-type syndrome''. It sucks.

So I started re-doing cardio again (skipping rope for 30 mins yesterday)... that caused

my sleep to basically be unrestful. Couldn't fall asleep until very late and then when i did sleep

it wasn't full hours...maybe 4-5 hours... woke up my clothes were drenched in sweat.

Doesn't help that household AC can't be shut off by room...so im extremely cold but it can't turn it off

or others upstairs will suffer the heat. Result? I have a  constant migraine since yesterday but of course

it got worse today...  Then you add the PTSD trigger I had earlier today which re-activated all my symptoms basically. At this moment , my eyes are ''red-ish'' and I got a big headache... worst of all I'm on my nerves atm. I'm in a horrible mood(low mood), I can feel auditory hallucinations, I am extremely sensitive to sound again, etc

In other words, gonna live like this until the next ''reset'' which is going to be the next time

I can actually fall asleep ''perfectly'' if I don't well...it's going to be another day of these effects.

Crappy day because of it. constant migraine. Sensitivity to sound and people. etc

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

Link to comment

Headache is still with me. Had an interview with a company i previously worked for at the same office. The temp agency's interviewer was incredibly bossy. it was a contrast to a previous interviwer. Then I find out it's exactly at the same location that I worked for before but another role. This gave me really really bad vibes. When I worked there, the manager was bullying me to quit 10 years ago. She was just mean and nasty for me for no reason. I remember being there working and applying for other roles and HR showed up at her desk and I could hear them laughing that I even applied to that job. All those disgusting memories came back. It sucks. The only call back I receive and it's THAT place. Anyway back to the subject. Alot of my symptoms have returned. I don't know if this headache is the air-conditioning(probably is) but I also feel horrible like the PAWS returned. Not a good period lol.

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

Link to comment
  • 8 months later...

Its been a long time. I fell back to smoking weed few times since but nothing too extended(2-3 weeks at a time and then 60-90days off). Anyhow, last quit was Jan 21. So exactly 2 months.

It's been MUCH longer than that off any SSRIs.

 

Anyhow. I think its been since december 2022 for effexor.  I really don't feel any better. I am extremely anxiety prone. I had another job interview today. I could feel myself trembling. Other than that, pretty strong depression-like symptoms. Brain fog big time. Depersonalisation and feeling ''dizzy'' whenever I anticipate another job interview or thought of running errands.  Barely sleeping and waking up every 2-3 hours.  I think I can only manage 4-5 hours max per night in total then I wake up from nightmares. Oh the nightmares! They returned with a vengence each time I quit weed or ssri. The nightmares are exhausting...so much so I wake up totally troubled. Like I am already defeated and Im overwhelmed by life-itself waiting for me....Then I feel sleepy and lethargic all day. Like a constant brain fog and pressure around my skull. Sure I did remove coffee so maybe that's partly why im even more drowsy atm(went from 3-4 cups per day to none). It feels like I'm living in a perpetual semi-nightmare. But the worst is the anxiety every morning upon waking up. Feel like a zombie. Finally the worst of all this? The depression. I feel sad and overwhelmed by it. But, I dont wanna go back on any ssri to combat this. Its never really worked long-term. They work abit until they dont and they change your personality too much...you start doing/behaving ways you otherwise wouldn't. Im glad im off but the symptoms are still here. I dont know what else to call this but...PAWS.

So 15 months without ssri

2006-2010: various ssri. settled on effexor max dosage + addicted 2-4mg xanax + alcohol everyday

2011: Cold turkey EVERYTHING.

2011-2016  Completely sober. No ssri. nothing. no alchol. no weed

2016: Major life event. Began taking celexa for 3 months.

2017-2022december: Effexor max dosage 

         *note 2019-2022  , thc everyday 80-100mg oils

         *note 2022-2023Feb,  1lbs of MJ flower per month, 1oz per day almost

*quit effexor cold turkey(dec 2022) and quit thc cold turkey in feb 2023

-did cardio EVERYDAY 2-3x per day then cardio machine broke...

  instantly crashed, depression etc....I ran back to THC from may 4 to may 24...

-Cold turkeyd weed on May 24th after that 3 week binge. Came to my senses.

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