Hey, everyone. I thought I'd post this here because the site seems great so far.
I was put on 80 mg of Prozac when I was 19. I'm trying to get off the drug now at 42. The Prozac has had a paradoxical effect on me but I never knew it (it's so obvious now it's beyond doubt) and I was wondering if it's also affected anyone else's around dating and sex. The short version is this:
A. Way too much Prozac caused generalized anxiety/panic/hypervigilance at 19 years old.
B. The anxiety destroyed my self-esteem around women and made made me desperate to prove to myself that women found me attractive
C. I dated/slept with many women that I didn't even find attractive or knew weren't a good match for me all to prove to myself I had value as a person and as a man.
D. I'd be super anxious during the date, then anxiety-free in bed, then anxious again after. When
internet dating came along in the 1990s I went bonkers, like a kid in a candy store.
E. All of this just disappeared when I hit 15 mg of Prozac a few months ago. I've deleted all my dating accounts and just seeing the icons makes me cringe.
Reducing the dose has made me feel like a core part of who I am has been ripped out, but honestly, I'm happy to see it go. I recently went on a date at 15 mg with a woman who I know isn't a good match, and instead of obsessively thinking "It doesn't matter if she's a good match, all that matters is that I get to sleep with her" I found myself thinking, "Why am I on a date with this woman? She's young, blonde, and cute, but so what?"
Has anyone else had their dating/sex lives impacted like this? None of my friends can relate, but they say they are trying to understand. I'm struggling with guilt and shame about some of the things I've done and the damage this has caused to my friendships and relationships, but at least knowing now that it's been caused by the drug has alleviated a lot of it. This has affected my entire adult life, so looking at a woman without wanting to sleep with her to boost my self worth is a totally new experience for me.