Lizzy: I need help

[Lizzy]

hi all, today is day 7 of reinstatement of effexor 37.5mgs and i feel so hopeless right now. i am so very very tired of being mentally unwell? i have spent the day in bed today,hiding from the world and gripped with anxiety and constant ruminating thoughts of the past? i am finding my body is fatigued so much but my mind doesnt want to stop and this is distressing me and i dont know why it keeps on going over and over my past? the suicidal thoughts have definitly died down since reinstating,but i am still very depressed and anxious and have had some mild akathasia as well? i guess its a slight improvement as last wednesday , i was hysterical and seriously suicidal to the point i actually thought it might happen? i was meant to go grocery shopping today but i am so afraid to even do that right now, i have become so afraid of the world outside which has been building for a while now while i was in withdrawal? i am afraid i am never going to be well ever again and i dont know why? why cant i just get better and be well and have a life. also i dont know how you are supposed to update your signature when its all ready at 12 lines, and you cant put any more in? i am struggling to do that right now. liz

[peng]

Hi LIz,

Fingers crossed you will get some improvement in mood in, say, 5 to 8 days.  Med takes time to kick in.

Yes, signature thing can be irritating when you are as down as this.

Just edit out stuff you think may not be too important just now.  Write the text in long lines, e.g.

"2015-switch to Pristiq 50mg. Stopped after 12 days. 2015-6 weeks later-50mg Zoloft-stopped Zoloft after 1 day, reinstated Effexor 37.5mg 3 days then up to 75mg f/one wk." 

 

Not how we would lay out a serious report (I too found it difficult after the habits of decades), but conveys the info to the mods and others.

No one on here is going to jump on you for abbreviating things at the moment.

 

Best wishes - many folks will be thinking of you.

[Lizzy]

Hello again everyone, I have not posted for along time for two reasons, 1/ I have been too distressed after reinstating to come on the site and look at anything to do with withdrawal and 2/ I didn't want to be judged for reinstating. It has been very hard for me to accept that I had to go back on the Effexor and that the withdrawal failed. It has now been 10 weeks since I reinstated it and I am still struggling with my decision to do so? because I want me back, the me without Effexor and I hate this drug ( I hate all Psych drugs).Effexor has taken so much from me and even now after going back on it, I can feel it in me and I don't want it anymore. I went back on it to stop the withdrawals,the worst of it being the suicidal thoughts and urges and it has stopped that, but I am left with a whole body fatigue, heavy depression, agitation, obssevive compulsions and thinking,rumination and rapid thoughts( like my mind is playing ping pong), apathy, confusion and a total lost feeling. A lot of this is usually how Effexor makes me feel, except the fatigue, normally  it gives me excessive energy and revs me up but not this time, which i guess is good as i always felt like I was on illegal speed? 

So, here I am. I keep on having moments now where I remember me! The me before Effexor, the me I know I really am and It brings up such despair and fear because I don't know if I can ever get me back? I feel like my soul is trapped beneath a dark,smothering fog of toxic drugs, wanting desperately to be free but being unable to escape it? I know who I am and I know now what Effexor does to me and has done to me, like all the psych drugs do, they smother you. I have not lost all hope, just most of it, withdrawal will do that to you! I believe I tapered too fast for me and that adding Prozac, was a bad idea, as it just complicated symptoms and side effects and ended up doing my head in at the end,being on two drugs and trying to cope with what was causing what? I learnt that you need to make Tapering as simple as humanly possible? and adding another Psychoactive chemical to the mix, is anything but that! and my mind, body and soul definetly doesn't need anymore toxic drugs in it. So again, here I am , holding on to hope, holding on to that " I remember me" and looking for the Light, within and without. Lizxxx

[Madeleine]

Aw lizzy. You are not alone, lots of us have reinstated.  don't feel bad about it. 

[peng]

Sure, Lizzy, you are on a platform of sorts now, and in time you will regain the will to resume the fight and wean yourself further off the beast many of us know of.

[Quest]

On 2017-06-13 at 1:07 AM, Lizzy said:

Hi karen, ive just realized the dates in my updated signature are wrong ,instead of april 25, 26 and 27th it should say May! which means i ve been back on 5mgs of prozac for 2 and 1/2 weeks only. i know you cant perform a miracle, but ive been bed ridden all day and nearly all week and i am frightened as all day today my mind was thinking of ways to end this pain, and i honestly cant do another day of this, let alone another week or another month. i know this is withdrawal,and  im not the only one but that makes me feel like more of a failure as i cant cope with this withdrawal any longer. ive been lying here today, so distressed and so worried that if i reinstate the effexor, it could very well make me worse,which would end up killing me, because then i have no hope left,cant reinstate the effexor cannot live in this state ,any longer. amen

How are you Lizzy?  I am fairly new here but I feel the same way.  How did you make out with your reinstatement?