Jackson Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 I am still struggling very bad, and the past few months have been extremely turbulent for me. My mental state is changing every day, and my perception and mind is so unstable. I do not know how to deal with this situation much longer, I would think that I would gradually get better over the years, but I keep fluctuating between bad and very bad. I battle suicidal thoughts almost daily. And then some days, it is more stable, and my outlook is better, and I feel I can cope. But it doesn't last very long at a time, before I am thrown into despair. My mind is such a big mess, I don't know what to do anymore, or where I am in this process. Am I even near the end? or just in the beginning of this hell? How do I even know, when this is not linear at all, and the trends and fluctuations in my symptoms doesn't make sense. I am Confused 24/7, I don't think clearly, I can't handle information very well, and I don't have the concentration or relaxation to distract myself all of the time. So I've decided to start trying out as many alternative methods I can afford, before deciding if I wanna give up this life of suffering, and this seemingly futile struggle to recover. First one I am going to try will be Reflexology. Basically someone who is massaging/applying pressure on specific points in the feet. Supposedly, this should be a good way to help the nervous system recover, but I am of course always skeptical of these alternative methods, due to the pseudo/non-scientific foundations that the treatment is based upon. The only thing I have to lose is the money and mental energy required to find and commit to treatment (which both are very sparse), but at least there are no real indication that the treatment can cause any harm. Anyone have experience or input with Zone Therapy, to treat nervous system and brain damage? Suffered a severe adverse reaction to the tricyclic drug Nortriptyline in October 2008, which completely wrecked my brain and my nervous system. I am currently in my 38th month of recovery, with many symptoms still present, and with no improvement in quality of life, which is still nonexistant. The damage is so severe, that I fear I've been permanently disabled. I struggle to get outside as often as I can (still only for short periods of time), but I am still very much a vegetable mentally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stan Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 I am still struggling very bad, but I keep fluctuating between bad and very bad. I battle suicidal thoughts almost daily. And then some days, it is more stable, and my outlook is better, and I feel I can cope. Anyone have experience or input with Zone Therapy, to treat nervous system and brain damage? hello Jackson, fluctuating between bad and very bad some days, it is more stable this is the recovery until a day, very subtle, you see that in one symptom, you do no more go as deep as usual, then after up and down, you see another symptom which do not go as deep as usually it was, and so on only time works, the rest maybe , but so little little; i am in these little things which give finally hope for anxiety 12 years paxil - cold turkey 1,5 month - switch celexa 1 year taper; total 13 years on brain meds 67 years old - 9 years med free in protracted withdrawal rigidity standing and walking, dryness gougerot-szoegren, sleep deteriorate, function as have a lack of nerves, improving have been very little Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Altostrata Posted December 23, 2011 Administrator Share Posted December 23, 2011 If it's gentle, I can see how caring treatment might help. Caring touch can calm our nervous systems down. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 I am still struggling very bad, but I keep fluctuating between bad and very bad. I battle suicidal thoughts almost daily. And then some days, it is more stable, and my outlook is better, and I feel I can cope. Anyone have experience or input with Zone Therapy, to treat nervous system and brain damage? hello Jackson, fluctuating between bad and very bad some days, it is more stable this is the recovery until a day, very subtle, you see that in one symptom, you do no more go as deep as usual, then after up and down, you see another symptom which do not go as deep as usually it was, and so on only time works, the rest maybe , but so little little; i am in these little things which give finally hope The difficult thing for me, is that I have no real baseline. I don't know how far I am in recovery, and how far I have left. I feel like I am trapped in the middle of the ocean, at night, with no life vest, struggling not to drown. I haven't felt emotion in around 5 years. I have no personality. My memory is blasted, so no identity either. No energy. No motivation or drive. Very low mental activity. It seems like my soul is gone. It's christmas now, but it is going to be the 5th christmas in a row that I spend in my room, because I am unable to do anything else. I just want a small hint, that I am going to feel normal again, and be able to experience life. I have yet to experience a window of any sort. It's like every day I wake up to a blank mind, full of painful inflammation. I'm like a snail with it's antennas cut off. If it's gentle, I can see how caring treatment might help. Caring touch can calm our nervous systems down. I am going to start with Zone therapy, and then move on to Energy Healing next. And after that, probably homeopathy or something. I figured that even if it's just placebo, I don't care at all, as long as I get better. Just finding a practicioner and setting up a time is proving to be difficult for me. Everything involving decisions of any kind seems to be such a massive task for my current brain. I feel completely mentally handicapped. At 38 months out, this scares me. I should have gotten a lot better by now, but I simply am not. The pressure of seeing my life and my youth pass by me, and being powerless to change it, is also causing me a lot of added stress. Suffered a severe adverse reaction to the tricyclic drug Nortriptyline in October 2008, which completely wrecked my brain and my nervous system. I am currently in my 38th month of recovery, with many symptoms still present, and with no improvement in quality of life, which is still nonexistant. The damage is so severe, that I fear I've been permanently disabled. I struggle to get outside as often as I can (still only for short periods of time), but I am still very much a vegetable mentally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
compsports Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Jackson, I have no advice to give you but my heart goes out to you. I have felt extreme despair from lack of sleep but it it is definitely not comparable to your situation. Actually, I lied, I did want to mention one thing. If you can muster any energy at all, it would be very helpful to keep a log as you go through these therapies to see what works and what doesn't. In our states, it is very easy to forget from minute to minute as I am sure you are well aware. Keeping a log enabled me to see that whether I went to bed with congestion or not, my sleep quality was still lousy and I feel that was the key to my seeking a consult with the sleep medicine specialist. By the way, you claim you have no personality or soul. But yet, I see it in your writings. You have some of the best writing skills I have seen. Many hugs to you. Comp Sports PS - I have found an outlining software program to be helpful in dealing with feelings of being overwhelmed. I will write down an idea and then flush it out in notes. I am not consistent in using it because of my sleep issues but it definitely helps. Drug cocktail 1995 - 2010 Started taper of Adderall, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, and Doxepin in 2006 Finished taper on June 10, 2010 Temazepam on a PRN basis approximately twice a month - 2014 to 2016 Beginning in 2017 - Consumption increased to about two times per week April 2017 - Increased to taking it full time for insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Altostrata Posted December 24, 2011 Administrator Share Posted December 24, 2011 Jackson, you are describing what many of us have felt. The sense of being overwhelmed by everyday tasks that seem too complicated, the lack of a sense of motivation or reward, not knowing what to expect and not being able to plan. It's a real existential challenge. The only way to proceed is one foot in front of the other, one day or even hour at a time. We're there with you. Don't give up. 1 This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbarannamated Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Jackson I also know that inability to make plans or follow thru and it feeds on itself horribly despite the knowledge that it's drug-related I was never a creative type and wonder if you may be more cognizant of your lack of appreciation for music because you do have a strong tie to music and dance I've always liked music but am noticing a meaning that I never picked up on before Kelly Clarkson's Because ofYou brought me to tears the other day even though I had heard it many times before It was cathartic to FEEL Hang in Jackson I agree that your writing displays a depth that few people can ever convey Barb Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 I have now had 3 treatments at a skilled reflexologist, and my results have been pretty positive so far. Nothing miraculous, but I will wait with passing final judgement until I've had a 2 or 3 more sessions in February. So an update will be coming soon, with more details of my experience Suffered a severe adverse reaction to the tricyclic drug Nortriptyline in October 2008, which completely wrecked my brain and my nervous system. I am currently in my 38th month of recovery, with many symptoms still present, and with no improvement in quality of life, which is still nonexistant. The damage is so severe, that I fear I've been permanently disabled. I struggle to get outside as often as I can (still only for short periods of time), but I am still very much a vegetable mentally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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