squirrel

Derealization or Depersonalization

173 posts in this topic

This is going to be sort of a long story, but bear with me:

 

I had quite severe depersonalization 1) after coming off of duloxetine too quickly, 2) a subsequent adverse reaction to prozac - and also 3) after about 10 months following the prozac I smoked way too much pot accidentally.  All three factors, the withdrawal, the adverse reaction, and then the marijuana all gave me feelings of depersonalization.

 

However, the depersonalization from withdrawal and adverse reaction wasn't too terrible - it wasn't fun by any stretch of the imagination, but at least I was able to cope and survive for the most part.

 

The marijuana + withdrawal + adverse reaction was a different story, however.  Following the marijuana - which I tried to take in order to lessen the misery of withdrawal/adverse reaction - my depersonalization about doubled, maybe tripled.  I wrote about this a lot in my introduction topic - but basically after a LENGTHY panic attack, I was in a different world, and I was not the same person.  I was so incredibly far gone, that it took me about 1 year before I started feeling even sort of like myself again after the pot. 

 

I would often have panic attacks for about 9 months after smoking the pot, and sure enough after each panic attack, I felt depersonalized for a period of time - in the first couple months it was more or less just a constant battle of avoiding panic attacks so I wouldn't become too severely depersonalized and not able to do simple things like drive a car.  After about 6 months, it was avoiding panic attacks so I didn't feel depersonalized for a couple of days afterwards.

 

It's been about 14 months now since I smoked the marijuana, and about 2 years since I last took an SSRI - and I can say that I feel much better.  I still feel disconnected from reality - but time healed me considerably.  I can ALMOST function in the world at this point.  I have also not had a really serious panic attack in a very long time (at least 6 months or so).  Somehow my brain managed to correct itself from a hopelessly psycotic and disconnected state, to one that can almost pass as somewhat normal.  It seems miraculous looking back at just how bad I was and how I can more or less live somewhat comfortably now.

 

I remember another thing that came along with the DP/DR was the numbness and foreign feeling of all of my body parts.  My genitalia were unimportant pieces of skin on my body, my feet and hands and legs, all strange objects that were "apparently" attached to me - and are very important - but I had no idea why they were important or what they did.   I was legitimately worried that I'd accidently chop one of my body parts off or get it crushed under something, or a similar thing - I was THAT disconencted from my body.  I had no hunger, no emotions, nothing -  I was a dead body and a dead mind.  I felt like a foregin person - and I would do terribly odd things, like wander around my school campus and just wander and wander and wander - go into buildings I knew I probably shouldn't be in, etc. 

 

Simultaneously, I had extreme hypersensitivity to things - so not only was I totally disconnected from myself and the world, but I also coudln't really eat anything - and when I did eat something, I would freak out and have a panic attack if I suspected it could make my symptoms worse.  This hypersensitivity was absolute hell.  I cannot possibly fathom anything less comfortable than being constantly worried about what to eat, what not to eat, what not to smell, what not to touch, etc.  I would often eat the exact same thing every single day - usually a pizza, or something else. 

 

I was too messed up to cook my own meals in my own home.  I had absolutely no sense of self soothing - instead, it was best for me to walk around campus, walk around the local shops, get exercise and be out in the world.  Being at home, looking around my apartment, spending too much time by myself was a recipe for a panic attack and unspeakable inner discomfort (akathesia like symptoms). 

 

This all more or less stuck around and didn't go away for the better part of 6-9 months.  But it did get better. There are many many lingering symptoms, most of which are all related to the withdrawal/adverse reaction - less so the marijuana.  The one symptom I still have from the marijuana experience are the trails that I see in the world - like car tires look like odd things - and when cars drive by, I see after images.  I'm also still quite worse cognitively now than I was before the pot experience - and I have less emotions and all sorts of strange nervous sensations, and physical pain in my trigeminal nerve.  These are all very scary - and I don't understand how I managed to get  something like this - I have read that people who do too many hallucinogens can get trails - but not SSRI or marijuana (just smoked it once).

 

I am confident that most of these symptoms will go away with time.

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This is going to be sort of a long story, but bear with me:

 

I had quite severe depersonalization 1) after coming off of duloxetine too quickly, 2) a subsequent adverse reaction to prozac - and also 3) after about 10 months following the prozac I smoked way too much pot accidentally.  All three factors, the withdrawal, the adverse reaction, and then the marijuana all gave me feelings of depersonalization.

 

However, the depersonalization from withdrawal and adverse reaction wasn't too terrible - it wasn't fun by any stretch of the imagination, but at least I was able to cope and survive for the most part.

 

The marijuana + withdrawal + adverse reaction was a different story, however.  Following the marijuana - which I tried to take in order to lessen the misery of withdrawal/adverse reaction - my depersonalization about doubled, maybe tripled.  I wrote about this a lot in my introduction topic - but basically after a LENGTHY panic attack, I was in a different world, and I was not the same person.  I was so incredibly far gone, that it took me about 1 year before I started feeling even sort of like myself again after the pot. 

 

I would often have panic attacks for about 9 months after smoking the pot, and sure enough after each panic attack, I felt depersonalized for a period of time - in the first couple months it was more or less just a constant battle of avoiding panic attacks so I wouldn't become too severely depersonalized and not able to do simple things like drive a car.  After about 6 months, it was avoiding panic attacks so I didn't feel depersonalized for a couple of days afterwards.

 

It's been about 14 months now since I smoked the marijuana, and about 2 years since I last took an SSRI - and I can say that I feel much better.  I still feel disconnected from reality - but time healed me considerably.  I can ALMOST function in the world at this point.  I have also not had a really serious panic attack in a very long time (at least 6 months or so).  Somehow my brain managed to correct itself from a hopelessly psycotic and disconnected state, to one that can almost pass as somewhat normal.  It seems miraculous looking back at just how bad I was and how I can more or less live somewhat comfortably now.

 

I remember another thing that came along with the DP/DR was the numbness and foreign feeling of all of my body parts.  My genitalia were unimportant pieces of skin on my body, my feet and hands and legs, all strange objects that were "apparently" attached to me - and are very important - but I had no idea why they were important or what they did.   I was legitimately worried that I'd accidently chop one of my body parts off or get it crushed under something, or a similar thing - I was THAT disconencted from my body.  I had no hunger, no emotions, nothing -  I was a dead body and a dead mind.  I felt like a foregin person - and I would do terribly odd things, like wander around my school campus and just wander and wander and wander - go into buildings I knew I probably shouldn't be in, etc. 

 

Simultaneously, I had extreme hypersensitivity to things - so not only was I totally disconnected from myself and the world, but I also coudln't really eat anything - and when I did eat something, I would freak out and have a panic attack if I suspected it could make my symptoms worse.  This hypersensitivity was absolute hell.  I cannot possibly fathom anything less comfortable than being constantly worried about what to eat, what not to eat, what not to smell, what not to touch, etc.  I would often eat the exact same thing every single day - usually a pizza, or something else. 

 

I was too messed up to cook my own meals in my own home.  I had absolutely no sense of self soothing - instead, it was best for me to walk around campus, walk around the local shops, get exercise and be out in the world.  Being at home, looking around my apartment, spending too much time by myself was a recipe for a panic attack and unspeakable inner discomfort (akathesia like symptoms). 

 

This all more or less stuck around and didn't go away for the better part of 6-9 months.  But it did get better. There are many many lingering symptoms, most of which are all related to the withdrawal/adverse reaction - less so the marijuana.  The one symptom I still have from the marijuana experience are the trails that I see in the world - like car tires look like odd things - and when cars drive by, I see after images.  I'm also still quite worse cognitively now than I was before the pot experience - and I have less emotions and all sorts of strange nervous sensations, and physical pain in my trigeminal nerve.  These are all very scary - and I don't understand how I managed to get  something like this - I have read that people who do too many hallucinogens can get trails - but not SSRI or marijuana (just smoked it once).

 

I am confident that most of these symptoms will go away with time.

 

Wow, Osk. That is a story! Glad it got better for you! That was one hell of an experience it sounds like.

 

I guess I am lucky in that I have not had the panic attacks. Mine kind of showed up one evening when I felt very weird. Woke up the next morning and everything looked strange. Like I was looking out a glass sphere. I don't have the total disconnect. I am able to function and work for the most part.

I tend to focus on how everything looks strange, which only fuels it more. It has gotten slightly better in that when I go into crowded places, it doesn't go haywire. Is this a feeling you experienced? As if you were looking through a glass sphere?

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It has gotten slightly better in that when I go into crowded places, it doesn't go haywire. Is this a feeling you experienced? As if you were looking through a glass sphere?

 

 

That is a good way of describing it, Horns.  Perhaps a glass sphere filled with water, i.e., there is a lot of distortion at times. 

 

My situation is compounded because I have an eye condition called Central Serous Retinopathy.  It's not dangerous but results in a small blister on the retina that creates a lot of distortion, crooked lines, changes in sizes of objects, slight color disparities.  Enough to drive you a little crazy on its own but when combined with some DP/DR, it creates a constant sensation of things just being "off."

 

Your situation sounds generally familiar.

 

Andy

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This is going to be sort of a long story, but bear with me:

 

I had quite severe depersonalization 1) after coming off of duloxetine too quickly, 2) a subsequent adverse reaction to prozac - and also 3) after about 10 months following the prozac I smoked way too much pot accidentally.  All three factors, the withdrawal, the adverse reaction, and then the marijuana all gave me feelings of depersonalization.

 

However, the depersonalization from withdrawal and adverse reaction wasn't too terrible - it wasn't fun by any stretch of the imagination, but at least I was able to cope and survive for the most part.

 

The marijuana + withdrawal + adverse reaction was a different story, however.  Following the marijuana - which I tried to take in order to lessen the misery of withdrawal/adverse reaction - my depersonalization about doubled, maybe tripled.  I wrote about this a lot in my introduction topic - but basically after a LENGTHY panic attack, I was in a different world, and I was not the same person.  I was so incredibly far gone, that it took me about 1 year before I started feeling even sort of like myself again after the pot. 

 

I would often have panic attacks for about 9 months after smoking the pot, and sure enough after each panic attack, I felt depersonalized for a period of time - in the first couple months it was more or less just a constant battle of avoiding panic attacks so I wouldn't become too severely depersonalized and not able to do simple things like drive a car.  After about 6 months, it was avoiding panic attacks so I didn't feel depersonalized for a couple of days afterwards.

 

It's been about 14 months now since I smoked the marijuana, and about 2 years since I last took an SSRI - and I can say that I feel much better.  I still feel disconnected from reality - but time healed me considerably.  I can ALMOST function in the world at this point.  I have also not had a really serious panic attack in a very long time (at least 6 months or so).  Somehow my brain managed to correct itself from a hopelessly psycotic and disconnected state, to one that can almost pass as somewhat normal.  It seems miraculous looking back at just how bad I was and how I can more or less live somewhat comfortably now.

 

I remember another thing that came along with the DP/DR was the numbness and foreign feeling of all of my body parts.  My genitalia were unimportant pieces of skin on my body, my feet and hands and legs, all strange objects that were "apparently" attached to me - and are very important - but I had no idea why they were important or what they did.   I was legitimately worried that I'd accidently chop one of my body parts off or get it crushed under something, or a similar thing - I was THAT disconencted from my body.  I had no hunger, no emotions, nothing -  I was a dead body and a dead mind.  I felt like a foregin person - and I would do terribly odd things, like wander around my school campus and just wander and wander and wander - go into buildings I knew I probably shouldn't be in, etc. 

 

Simultaneously, I had extreme hypersensitivity to things - so not only was I totally disconnected from myself and the world, but I also coudln't really eat anything - and when I did eat something, I would freak out and have a panic attack if I suspected it could make my symptoms worse.  This hypersensitivity was absolute hell.  I cannot possibly fathom anything less comfortable than being constantly worried about what to eat, what not to eat, what not to smell, what not to touch, etc.  I would often eat the exact same thing every single day - usually a pizza, or something else. 

 

I was too messed up to cook my own meals in my own home.  I had absolutely no sense of self soothing - instead, it was best for me to walk around campus, walk around the local shops, get exercise and be out in the world.  Being at home, looking around my apartment, spending too much time by myself was a recipe for a panic attack and unspeakable inner discomfort (akathesia like symptoms). 

 

This all more or less stuck around and didn't go away for the better part of 6-9 months.  But it did get better. There are many many lingering symptoms, most of which are all related to the withdrawal/adverse reaction - less so the marijuana.  The one symptom I still have from the marijuana experience are the trails that I see in the world - like car tires look like odd things - and when cars drive by, I see after images.  I'm also still quite worse cognitively now than I was before the pot experience - and I have less emotions and all sorts of strange nervous sensations, and physical pain in my trigeminal nerve.  These are all very scary - and I don't understand how I managed to get  something like this - I have read that people who do too many hallucinogens can get trails - but not SSRI or marijuana (just smoked it once).

 

I am confident that most of these symptoms will go away with time.

 

Wow, Osk. That is a story! Glad it got better for you! That was one hell of an experience it sounds like.

 

I guess I am lucky in that I have not had the panic attacks. Mine kind of showed up one evening when I felt very weird. Woke up the next morning and everything looked strange. Like I was looking out a glass sphere. I don't have the total disconnect. I am able to function and work for the most part.

I tend to focus on how everything looks strange, which only fuels it more. It has gotten slightly better in that when I go into crowded places, it doesn't go haywire. Is this a feeling you experienced? As if you were looking through a glass sphere?

 

 

The feeling of looking through a glass sphere was basically the defining characteristic of DP/DR for me.  If you can still function, I'd say your DR is relatively mild. That's not to say it doesn't suck - but I think you're lucky that it's mild - and I also think you'll recover with time - especially if it's caused by the medication.  Your story of feeling a bit off and then waking up the next day is one I've read before.  It's odd how that happens.  You may wish to try looking into some DP resources and doing some of the "emotional" exercises they promote - such as writing as if letters to family members who were abusive - or writing a personal narrative.  If it's just an organic DP/DR, things like this have been shown to be quite effective through anecdotal stories on the web.  It's worth a shot, right?  I personally tried some of these exercises, but got little relief.

 

In my cases, I had that feeling of looking through a moderately thick pane of glass.  In it's most severe stages, the world actually looked like a pastel painting - and I couldn't really see colors very clearly or vibrantly - everything sort of just blended in.  In it's more severe forms I also couldn't see texture at all.  My brain was too numbed out to appreciate any texture in things - e.g., leaves on a small bush, ants walking around, patterns on fabric, rocks, etc.  I had an excruciatingly difficult time focusing on one specific object. 

 

I learned that society functions at a very high level - higher than I realized before.  The ability to read and think and navigate complex rules and regulations is NOT very easy - especially for a tired, stressed out, and overwhelmed brain.  I found it, and still do find it quite difficult to do simple things such as order pizza, order anything, etc.  This is why I can't work - how could I expect to work and be productive If I'm not healed enough to order a sandwich from some 18 year old kid behind a register?  I find it rather tragic that I was once a highly functioning member of society, reduced to not being able to order a cheeseburger for lunch :(  there are few resources or safety nets built into society for folks like us in the USA.

 

I also learned that it's sort of like a positive feedback loop in terms of disability and destitution.  You first get the DP/DR, you can't function, but there's no safety nets, and people have a very biased view towards the mentally ill in this country.  So no matter how highly functioning you were, people start to involutnarily turn a blind eye.  They have their own families to worry about.  I lucky managed to have a fairly good standing in my community, and was well known in certain social circles.  Even so, MOST people did not help me or were able to do much for me.  I'd say that I had more social support than most people because of some of the organizations I belonged to in my area (school, and some 12 step programs in the area).  In spite of all this, people still looked at me in a sort of apprehensive, disgusted way.

 

So after the dp/dr, then comes the scorn of the general public, even some family members, after which  you start to get hard up, desperate, suicidal, etc, then it just snowballs from there.  I'm oftley lucky to have had the support that I did, or my fortunes could have been SIGNIFICANTLY SIGNIFICANTLY worse.  I have significantly more empathy for people who are homeless, disabled, or otherwise non functional in societey now than I ever did before.  I think that's a good thing.  I rarely if ever pass a homeless person now and don't give them some extra cash.  I look through the dirt and broken teeth and raggy clothing, and see what I could have easily been :(  It's very tragic how our society shuns those in the greatest need.  I see a great many homeless individuals with side effects from psycotrophic medications too - most notably tardive diskinesia.  If they have TD, they probably also have tardive psycosis, and dimentia as well.  :(  :( :(

 

 

Just some thoughts.

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for me feels like I'm being suffocated in a thick blanket, always worse at night. Try not to concentrate on it too much. When you have these episodes you will eventually get accustomed to it too some degree. I'm experiencing it right now, I know for a fact if I experienced this before WD I would have freaked out but have learnt what to expect and how to deal with it like this. Don't focus on the symptoms, distract your mind and try to relax.

Hope that helps

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bluebalu86, how have you been?

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~Hello! I found this at dpselfhelp forum, postee by a member named RenZimE who again reposted it from another memeber as descried below. ****TRIGGER WARNING: THERE ARE CURSE WORDS**** Please delete if this thread is not okay, I found it very useful. I didn't mean to offens anyone, I only meant the best for members of SA. Thank you ~

 

--------

 

 

I won't lie, this is a repost of something "Copeful" posted way back in 2007. However I found the information inside completely invaluable and think it should be posted and/or maybe pinned so that people can find the information with ease. Here's hoping it helps many people :] Thank you Copeful.

 

The Holy Grail of Curing DP/DR:

 

I've analyzed and experienced this ******* life consuming blackhole disorder for a longtime since I got it and have found the 10 most important steps in recovery:

 

1) Acceptance

2) Letting go

3) Distraction

4) Tuning focus back on external world(reality) and interact with it

5) Socializing

6) Facing your fears&burried surrows

7) Eating right

8) Sleeping/Exercising

9) Changing your thinking pattern

10) Re-enter reality & Never looking back

 

Seems so easy and simple, in a sense it is and on the other hand it's not, it's hard work.

However it IS infact THE only cure that ANYONE with DPDR has used to recover. there will never be a magic pill, so take my word for it and cure yourself by the end of this year and live life happily ever after in REALITY.

 

 

 

 

Acceptance

 

This one is probably the hardest, one thing is acknowleding and being aware your suffering from DP/DR.

I think anyone who read this book with DP/DR acknowledges the fact they are fuckedup and got DP/DR.

The thing we however don't do is ACCEPT IT.

Infact we refuse it and fight it with all our energy and time.

Accepting seems like defeat like, damn, I'm fucked. But that's not the case.

Accepting means stop fighting it with all ur power, it's the first step in recovery (seems clich�) but it's actually true.

Before you can ACCEPT (again not acknowledge, but ACCEPT the fact that ur DP/DR'ed) you won't recover.

It's also the first step of letting go.

Accepting is not a easy process but it's a quick one. Just say it out loud a few times and really MEAN it:

 

"I accept I got DPDR, and I know I'm not insane, this is a temporary illness and I accept that I got it"

It wants you to give it attention but you got to accept it's pressence and don't give a ****.

It's like the bully who picks on other kids in school, if they fight him/pay him attention, he'll keep coming back. If they ignore him, it won't have the same effect and the bully will leave.

It's kind of the same with Pure O thoughts and DPDR, so accept it and you'll soon be ready to let go of it

 

 

 

 

Letting go

 

This is the next step in the process of recovery, managing to actually let go.

Letting go of the questioning, philosophing, worrying, thinking and wondering "WHAT IF" "COULD IT BE?" "BUT?" etc.

Letting go is different from ignoring, ignoring is forcing yourself not to pay attention which actually means your paying it attention.

Letting go means really letting something go without picking it up 10 minutes later again. I'm guilty of this.

The 3 persons I've interacted most with from dpselfhelp is curedone, ihavemessedupdreams & Fightingdepression, they can testify I had a enourmous amount of trouble with this "letting go" thing.

I couldn't, and I think I've read all the information on every topic there is on the internet, seriously.

Google is no longer my friend, but my enemy.

Letting go is ofcourse a process, it's not something you manage to do while you read these lines just by saying "OK I LET GO OF THIS IRRATIONAL FEARS" and then your cured. It's a process.

You must adopt a I JUST DONT GIVE A **** attitude to these thoughts and lable them as "my mind sending me false information again" and let them go.

In the beginning this is hard but after awhile it becomes easier.

it's the same in treating OCD and it's actually altering the thinking pattern in your mind thus also changing the chemical balance in your brain. This might sound like mind over matter, but it's not mind is matter in you brain and this have been scientifically verifyed and is realy ancient knowledge of buddhists.

Letting go leads to the next topic, distraction, which is essential in letting go, if you just sit around doing nothing, letting go is next to impossible. It's like trying to quit crack addiction while selling it by the kilos.

 

 

 

Distraction

 

It's the most fundamental way of curing Panic disorder, depression, OCD etc.

Distracting is hard, ecspecially when your so not connected with your surrounding environment.

Distraction simply means shifting your focus from DPDR to ANYTHING, I don't care if it's singing

Britney Spears HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME or jumping in the shower with ice cold water on.

Distraction is the key to letting go which is the key to recovery so distraction is a key to the door of both your soul(self) & reality for DP/DR victims

Everytime you find yourself ruminating over some stupid ass philosophical questions GET UP, run around your house 5 times and do 20 pushups.

Throw a bucket of icecold water over your head and clean your room.

Put on a song and sing to it, watch a exciting movie(not a boring one which will lead your mind to think and not follow the movie)

Something / Anything which involves taking the focus from inward internal conflict of mind to the outward external REALity.

This would be the great time to start learning new things, get new hobbies etc.

I can not stress enough how important consistant 24/7 distraction from DPDR is to recover.

It's either that or your doomed, it's simple as that, honestly put.

 

 

 

Tuning focus back on the external world/reality and interact with it

 

Now that your letting go of irrational thoughts, distract yourself from DPDR it's time to enter reality and interact with it again. No more isolation, I bet most of you spend 6+ hours aday on the computer with focus on the screen then another 2 hours on the TV screen and the rest in bed.

How do I guess so right? because I've done it for the past year too.

Isolation is the worst thing, it's proven it leads to solipsism syndrome and derealization states.

NASA is experiencing this and studying ways to defeat it in space travel where astronauts surroundings are very little unchanging and they live in COMPLETELY controlled environment for safety.

Their currently finding ways to combat this by having plants which grow without human intervention, animals and random number generators etc.

 

In your home your in a controlled unchanging environment, which means no surprises, no changes, no challenges & therefore no feeling of reality.

It's when your fantasy/hopes/expectations are proven wrong by reality that you learn to deal and handle reality.

So how do we enter the scary "unknown" without breaking down and killing ourself or going insane?

First we watch this movie(ya'll spiritualist will love this one, but for atheists **** the "God" part and just watch the relaxing and beautiful nature and the encouraging messages)

:

Now realize this is our fear, the beautiful nature and world there is out there for us to explore and experience.

You live rougly if your lucky 75 years. That means most of us 30-50%+ of that time is already up.

Another fact is that we sleep like 1/3 of our life so this means basically we cannot waste it on this stupid retarded disorder and sit alone in a room killing ourselves emotionally, mentally and personally.

 

I suggest starting slow, going outside, if your not in a big city, taking walks in nature will be great grounding experiences, hearing the birds sing, watching rivers floath, the trees swinging in the wind, feeling the fresh air and seeing the biiig biiig world out there which you got absolutely NO control over and is completely real and natural independant of your mind. (this is a fact I trust in after studying the philosopher Ayn Rand)

I know buddhists might disagree, but seriously, the objective world is primary, your consciousness is secondary and a direct result of evolution and natural selection.

It's mother earth, and we are it's children.

Feel the happiness of belonging, theres tons of smells/tastes outside too which will bring back memories and sense of self.

Anyway, staying in the safezone = controlled environment = increased belief in your stupid delusional thoughts(doesn't make them real,nothing ever will, but it'll appear more real, thus make you feel more unreal).

So get out, you need the earthquake of facing the scary uncontrolable REAL world to shake you back to reality.

Try not only observing it passively, instead feel the leafs, throw some rocks in the river, walk and feel the ground beneath you, see the changes in the sky, the surroundings etc.

Also I know humans seem strange to you at the moment, faces appear dead/cartoonish if your severily DR'ed and it seems like people got no mind, there's no persona in them it seems, but look at yourself in the mirror u cannot see ur own mind either.

Their minds DO exist and you'll be able to understand it again once ur back in reality and fully conscious and awake.

Start out small, it's great if you got animals, ecspecially cats as they are so self centered and dont give a **** about you, you can see they got their own mind and do as they please and their cute as hell too.

I've found it easier to connect with animals in DP/DR moments, their so full of life and different and unpredictable from us.

Also try to move around to new places, something unpredictable and new is the greatest way of killing of DP/DR.

It's scary so you don't dare to do it, but it's the only goal your seeking, ironic isn't it?

DO IT seriously.

 

 

Socializing:

 

After you manage to get out of your house and trust reality again and start to see it's realness and randomness and you got no control over it, socializing is the next step and the most important of them all.

You will NEVER EVER realize that people exist by studying evolution, watching experiments and brainscans, you will know it intellectually but not EXPERIENCE AND KNOW IT in reality.

To do so you must socialize, with old friends and new people.

For some strange reason the more familiar the people are in reality more unfamiliar people look when your in the DPDR'ed state of mind.

I guess it got to do with the defense mechanism in your brain shutting off the self and "protecting you", but anyway, this is the most crucial and important step in the world for DPDR'ers, realize there really are others out there.

Your not alone, and this will bring back reality to you in so many ways, and is the greatest distractor of them all.

Socializing will also bring back common sense to you too, slowly but surely this will help you greatly.

Don't talk to them about your DPDR, if they ask whats up just tell them your a little depressed stressed and exhausted, don't go into details about it, when your with others try not to focus on it at all, try to focus on the present and REALITY not your deluded fearful fantasies.

Antisocial behavior and isolation while DPDR'ed is like playing russian roulette with all chambers of the gun loaded. It's straightup suicide.

 

 

 

Facing your fears and burried surrows:

 

The best analogy for this is : your stuck in a endless tunnel you've brought yourself into, every fear that has attacked ur mind that you have tried to fought and ignore has put you deeper into this tunnel. And you see no light at the end, and when you think you do it's a train.

Well ok, lets face that train(fear) then, let it kill you, you must die a few times in this process.

After awhile the train drags your corpse out of the tunnel and you'll rise from the ashes like a pheonix and the fears will no longer affect you and you'll be able to conquer and finally realize and see how irrational and nonexistant the things you feared actually is.

If you fear dying it doesn't mean go to the bathroom and slit your wrist so you can "FACE DEATH".

It simply means say "I dont care if I die", but you got to MEAN it, not just say it.

Death is real and its invetiable, but it's not in the present so don't worry about it.

The other existential philosophical nonesense don't even exist, so facing those is different, here you must either PRETEND their true for awhile until your mind realize it was wrong and you can finally let go or skip that and go straight to the "let go part"...

Let the thoughts occupy the mind, don't pay them attention, acknowledge them, don't agree or disagree, just let them be, starve them to death, everytime you attack them or try to resolve 'em you give 'em a big cheeseburger with fries on your expens(this being your life) so **** that scavanger and let it die out from starvation.

Survival of the fittest. =P

If you've as me gone through traumatic events such as loss of loved ones or other similarly traumatic experiences facing it is a great therapeutic way of recovering.

The last time I felt reality and emotions was encountering my deep burried sorrow of my dad's tragic death which occured right before DPDR and was a big contributer to triggering it I suspect.

Facing it was like unleashing the emotions out of the cage and it was overwhelming but brought me back into my body and reality in a split second, even if it just lasted a few seconds this was the first "hope" for me in months.

A spark of light in the endless maze of dark empty tunnels of DP/DR.

Crying without emotion gives no effect, you need to bring up the emotional cause and unleash it.

Remember your brain has shut this down to protect you from the overwhelming emotions but it doesn't realize the danger is over and you can let it go so you have to remind it and poke on it until it do.

It'll be a hard but crucial process in your road to recovery.

 

 

 

Eating right

 

While studying anxiety disorders and ecspecially Pure O I found that what we eat contribute a whole lot to our situation.

Our brains is basically billions and billions of neurons which are connected through myelin sheets, same as our nervous system is and anxiety / ocd / slightly schizophrenic / tourette syndrome etc. people got damaged and torn up myelin sheets which is the prime cause of this.

Eating right so that these can heal can be a great great contributer to your healing and recovery.

 

I suggest this eating regime:

 

Primrose oil: 2capsules in the morning with breakfast, 2 in the afternoon with dinner, 2 at night with supper. (Must be taken with a protein so it's absorbed up in your system for effect)

Primrose oil is great at rebuilding the myelin sheets and nervous system

 

Fish oil: 1 before sleep

Fish oil is probably the most known natural mental health supplement it has helped heal brain damage, help brain fog, schizophrenia etc. etc.

 

Vitamine complex: 1 pill in the morning

 

Vitamine B complex: 1 pill in the morning (vitamine B has been reported on several OCD forums I've been at as a great supp to lessen the thoughts and mind noise in their heads)

 

Zinc supplement: zinc is great for mental health and health generally, 1 capsule in the morning and one at supper is all that's needed.

 

Flaxseed oil: 1 capsule a day

 

I suspect in very few cases will this eating regime alone eliminate DP/DR(although SOME reports of people changing their intake of food/supps has magically cured their brainfog and dpdr) it will atleast help a great deal.

 

Also eating healthy is good, fruits, vegtables white meat etc, yeah this almost sounds like some sort of training gainweight/lose weight diet but, logically eating the healthiest will make you healthier.

You are what you eat is a fact in physics not just a setence.

Your body reproduces cells every ******* second, give it the best and it'll reward you for it.

After all, ITS YOUR BODY.

 

Avoid these: sugar, cigarettes and coffee

 

Again I'm guilty as charged in all of these, I used to be smoking 20 cigarettes a day and consuming gallons of cocacola (lot of caffeine and sugar).

Everything that ends with INE is negative for you and will make your situation and condition ten times worse, all INE's are stimulants and increase anxiety, pulse and heart rate.

I'm no preacher, but sorry nicotine caffeine amphetamine cocaine heroine is not good for DP/DR.

So if you like me loves cigarettes, this will be the greatest time to quit and when your recovered from DP/DR you'll be so glad you did it and now you got a GOOD reason to.

Another thing is that quitting cigarettes is a goal, it's dicipline, taking control over one of your bad habbits, which in itself is great selfesteem boost it's also a good way to start breaking other habbits like DP/DR thinking, isolation etc.

Plus it will increase your health enormously just the first months, just the first few weeks it'll increase your smell/taste and breathing and lower your chances of heart attack etc.

 

 

 

Sleeping & Exercising:

 

The reason I bring this up is because first:

sleeping pattern is very important in recovering, you must have a routine and sleeping pattern that is stricktly followed in recovery times.

After all sleeping is when your mind body and yourself actually get the chance to rest

I've been close to recovery many times but fuckedup just because of either lack of or over sleeping ONE day and I've completely relapsed.

8 hours is needed, no more, no less. It will also give your life structure and routine and give back sense of contact with reality in some sense, such as concept of time, dates, day/night structure and routines.

Exercising will help you get better sleep and rest, cause if your doing nothing but sitting in a chair all day long reading forums and symptoms and studying for the magic pill or answers to your endless questions your body is basically in a half sleep mode all day long.

Another important thing with exercise is that it'll help you reconnect with your body, you'll use it and thus identify with it more again and fee it as you did PRE-DPDR'ed.

Also getting in better shape physically is proven to help you mentally.

It's also a great distractor and way of reconnecting life, ecspecially if your gaining/losing weight, it'll be a little goal besides recovering and you'll see changes and be happy etc.

There's tons of good reasons why exercise is great but it's almost essential in DPDR to quicker and better recovery I think.

 

 

 

Changing your thinking pattern:

 

This is the biggest and maybe most important part of your recovery (think I've said that about 5 times now, but it's true).

This one goes for PureO/OCD/Panic/Depression too.

The cause of your irrational thoughts and fears lies within your brain chemistry & mind.

So by changing your thinking you'll alter your brain chemistry, this is a well known factor in buddhism called mindfulness.

This will take about a month before you really start noticing that the fears/thoughts aren't as intrusive and VIVID anymore but it'll happen if your consistant.

First realize these thoughts are directly a result of your temporary condition, not braindamage/any truth in the thoughts.

Then you gotta learn to let the thoughts go and refocus on something else, everytime one of these thoughts come, realize its your mind on crack giving you false information and no matter how anxious you become let the thought be, don't fight to ignore it, just let it be, "Be the witness of your thoughts" but don't interact.

Humans got approximatly 64 000 thoughts a day, 90% of them is pure bullsh*t and most are not even consciously aware of most of them.

If these thoughts came to you in your sleep you wouldnt give a damn and just label them as subconscious nonesense dreaming, do the same here, cause it is EXACTLY what it is.

Immediately change your focus outwards and try thinking of something else, something RELEVANT to your life & the present moment and immediately DO something.

This is VERY important in changing your behavior, kind of what CBT is about I guess.

 

 

Re-entering reality and never looking back

 

Getting to the point where you start re-entering reality means getting outside the house daily again, socializing, letting go.

It involves more than just stepping outside your house, it means getting into reality again.

You need to get your hobbies interests back again, cause this is what forms your life.

Anyone can go around as a numb observer of the world, but participating in it is the only way to recover.

This is all subjective experience of the objective reality. The objective reality itself won't give you any meaning. It'll give you inspiration, but it's you subjectively who choose what destiny and path of your life will be.

Now taking something as simple as playing cards means this for you: "moving your hands and picking up some cards with symbols on it and try to get certain cards to win".

Thats your DPDR'ed non meaningful dereality, when your emotions come back it's a GAME again, a game that the purpose is to WIN, and the winning gives you a feeling of luck, happiness and achievement.

Even if it's just something as small as a ******* cardgame.

You've got to let go of the notion that reality will just SHOW IT'S GRAND MEANING AND EXISTANCE to you again, cause it's you who create your OWN experience of reality.

The best way to realize this is maybe by watching a child, he can pick up a branch of a tree and play with it all day long, it's giving him a meaning in his life because he LETS it and is dedicated with it.

Thinking and analyzing why people are as real as you won't make you suddenly EUREKA THEY ARE REAL. No, engaging in social life and activies will do this.

It'll become just as obvious to you that these people are conscious as it is that you are.

Analyzing people while thinking "are they real, do they got minds" etc while looking at someone will do you no good. You need to stop analyzing and rather go out and experience, then it will be revealed and obvious again.

 

 

Once your starting to recover and get out of the thick DPDR fog, you must NOT look back.

Just a little thinking about it in the first period after recovery is like smoking weed again(if this is what induced it for you). It'll bring it back in seconds.

i've had numerous experiences where I've become a little better for a little while then have a little relapse and it has sent me straight back into it fully if not even worse for months.

When your getting out, theres no turning back, for some REALITY just suddenly is there again, and this is a shock.

It's like you've been trapped in this dark tunnel for so long and when your out the bright sun light is a shock on your eyes. in the same sense is reality to you when your realizing it again.

You go from being deluded almost asleep passive observer of what you hope to be reality to suddenly BAM being in it again fulltime, everyone around you is real, NOTHING is under your control, the world is there, existance is there again. Too some this can be overwhelming and frightening at first.

The good news is that it'll take you maybe 1-2-3days to fully be ok with it again and feel normal. After all THAT IS reality you've lived in your whole life. It'll come back to you quick and you'll be so happy and excited, but don't let the excitment ruin the recovery for you.

You need to go slow, but not too slow.

If you have a relapse and feel DR/DP'ed, quickly distract yourself and not let the fear get hold of you, you've been down that road, it leads to more anxiety, more dp dr, more waste of your life.

When I say quickly, I mean like RIGHT AWAY, don't lock urself up for a day or two just to "feel cool" again, do it IMMEDIATELY before it takes over your mind.

It'll be hard, but it's the only way you'll keep recovering...

If you suffer added PANIC DISORDER, I suggest getting some anti-anxiety(not too strong) pills in emergencies, just incase when your out of your home and safezone get a panic attack you can take a pill or two just to calm down and keep distracting yourself.

 

 

 

 

DP/DR do's and don'ts

 

DO's:

 

Participate in life (self explainatory)

Get new hobbies and interests (change is very advantagous to cure this disorder and it'll refocus your mind)

Make new friends (again change factor, plus new friends mean non predictable/controlable events)

Have sex (sex is the most fundamental emotional and instinctive of all human behavior so enganging in it should bring fourt the human in you)

Fall inlove (this is hard while DPDR'ed, but if you manage you'll be cured faster than anyone)

Make music (if your an artist, self expression through music is the best way to spark emotions and unleash your own)

Listen to music (if your NOT an artists listening to others will do the same, music is played on instruments by the creator but plays on the emotions of the listener)

Make art (drawing/painting is another way of self expression so if your good at it, do it, if your not good at it but want to be, pick it up as a new hobbie and learn it)

Express yourself (every person feels the need to EXPRESS themselves, find someone who listens and take a long chat with them, very therapeutic and also connecting, to others and therefore yourself again.

Distract, (already explained)

Make socializing your second nature (explained before)

Stay occupied. (explained)

Party (but without drugs, if you manage alcohol without increasing DP/DR great, it's a good social event and also drinking increases social behavior and let your guard down a bit)

The list is endless....

 

DON'TS:

 

Isolate yourself (staying in the tunnel)

Dwell on DPDR (dwelling is burrying yourself alive)

Think deep thoughts (just increasing your DPDR and anxieties)

Study **** that scares you (it won't lead to anything good, trust me)

Spend more than 1hour on the computer a day(not even on dpselfhelp) (computer is a way of "escaping reality which is the opposite of what we're trying to do)

Letting this disorder take over your life (self explainatory)

Do drugs(yeah it sucks but ECSPECIALLY if your DPDR was drug induced stay the **** away no matter if you recover, you'll kill yourself and never forgive urself if u recover, do drugs and relapse.)

 

 

----------------------------------------

 

 

Some exercises that'll help you on your quest to sense of self and regaining reality:

 

 

 

 

Body scan meditation:

 

This exercise was brought to my attention by a member of dpselfhelp: LostSoul.

It's basically a exercise to reconnect your body and also "the present" according to LostSoul who's managed to temporarily "recover" using this technique a few times.

The trick is however when you manage to enter your body again NOT to get too excited as it will "shoot you up in your mind" again.

 

This is what you do:

 

Lie on your back with your legs uncrossed, your arms at your sides, palms up, and your eyes open or closed, as you wish. Focus on your Breathing, how the air moves in and out of your body. After several deep breaths, as you begin to feel comfortable and relaxed, direct your attention to the toes of your left foot. Tune into any sensations in that part of your body while remaining aware of your Breathing. It often helps to imagine each breath flowing to the spot where you're directing your attention. Focus on your left toes for one to two minutes.

 

Then move your focus to the sole of your left foot and hold it there for a minute or two while continuing to pay attention to your breathing. Follow the same procedure as you move to your left ankle, calf, knees, thigh, hip and so on all around the body. Pay particular attention to the head: the jaw, chin, lips, tongue, roof of the mouth, nostrils, throat, cheeks, eyelids, eyes, eyebrows, forehead, temples and scalp.

 

Do this for 15-30minutes twice a day.

 

 

 

Increasing/training your senses:

 

Again thanks to LostSoul

 

This is a Buddhist technique, used by buddhist munks to train their senses and awareness of their environment.

In the sense of DPDR what this will help is take your inward focus and turn it OUTWARD to the reality again.

 

You do this by taking one sense a week

 

Let's start with the ears:

 

My suggestion is that you spend 30minutes a day this first week going outside somewhere your not disturbed and close your eyes and try to focus your hearing on different things outside.

The greatest spot will either be out in nature or some balcony in the city, try to distinguish and focus on different sounds.

Also listen to music, but not with headphones on as this will feel "isolated", so tune up the speakers and put on some of your favourite music you used to love and try to pay attention to the melody, try to follow it with your ears.

This has a double effect, first increasig your hearing and hopefully spark some memories you have of that specific song/music.

 

Next week take the eyes which might be the worst impairment of DPDR, your visual perception:

 

This one you can do all week actually, but atleast dedicate 30 minutes a day to REALLY do it.

Try watching moving objects, such as cars, flying birds etc, follow them with your eyes intensively.

Another is the in and out focus, place a finger infront of your eye and focus on it, then focus on the "background", by doing this you stimulate the eye muscles.

Also try looking around you all the time, don't just look dead out in the air as your sleep walking or something.

You must really try to focus your vision on the world again.

 

Then it's smelling:

 

Same here, you can do this all day, all week, but atleast spend 30 minutes a day.

Here only your imagination can stop you, try smelling everything, flowers, perfumes, food, aroma's, soap, chemicals, anything that'll stimulate your sense of smell.

A fellow contributer and DP sufferer at DPselfhelp told me she temporarily felt normal again by the smell of burning leafs and aroma therapy.

So maybe it'll also spark some memories and reality recognition in your head.

 

Tasting:

 

Another infinite possibilites, I suggest buying tons of fruits and different food this week.

Taste ANYTHING:P

 

Touching/feeling:

 

Touch everything, try to feel different objects, nature, animals, don't ponder it's diversity, just feel without question.

If you got a girl/boyfriend, feel/touch them a lot to.

Again, you'll have to use your fantasy, but go further than touching yourself ok?;P

 

 

 

"I am" mantra exercise:

 

This was handed to me by my psychiatrist actually it's a very simple exercise.

You basically just sit still and take deep breathes and while inhaling say "here I am" or "i am me" or "here I *your name* am".

Then exhale and feel the air leaving YOU.

The point of this is to locate yourself and body again.

 

 

Looking in the mirror:

 

This "technique" is really just something I've come up with the last few weeks, it's nothing special but i think it might be effective.

Basically it just means looking at your reflection through out the day(not bdd obsessively) but just so you see yourself objectively(cause in DPDR you've lost sense of objective reality and objective thinking)

So seeing yourself objectively over and over again might spark memories etc.

Another thing you can do is care for how you look, try playing "dress up" game or wtf you want.

Get some variation in your looks and take care of it, connect to your ego again.

Also try standing beside a friend/relative or something in a reflection and see that ur just the same, ur not alone, this is hard to "figure out and see" from a first person perspective.

 

Reminiscing:

 

Basically find some photoalbums from your childhood, social events etc.

Look through them and try to remember how it was, try to connect with the event as it was.

Try to spark the memory of it

This is a way you can try to wakeup your SOUL and YOUR relationships with people and the world as it once was.

Staying with friends and talking about the past is probably the best way to connect with memories of your real life, one thing is to sit alone and think about it, but when your with others they'll bring up memories you've forgot and can share them and it hopefully will spark some parts of your memory which is currently out of reach, but it is permanently intergrated into your mind so don't be afraid, it's not lost.

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One more question. Is what I am experiencing actually DR? My emotions are somewhat present but it feels more like WD depression and exhaustion than anything else. My biggest concern is the slight 'glass barrier' in my vision. Is that DR?

 

I feel for some of you who speak of things looking 2d and being totally disconnected. I am lucky enough to be able to perform daily tasks, though it is very very hard because of the brain fatigue. I just keep focusing on the barrier feeling in my vision.

 

This is the last question I will pose on this and then leave my brain to heal on its own. Thank you in advance and much healing to everyone!

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One more question. Is what I am experiencing actually DR? My emotions are somewhat present but it feels more like WD depression and exhaustion than anything else. My biggest concern is the slight 'glass barrier' in my vision. Is that DR?

 

I feel for some of you who speak of things looking 2d and being totally disconnected. I am lucky enough to be able to perform daily tasks, though it is very very hard because of the brain fatigue. I just keep focusing on the barrier feeling in my vision.

 

This is the last question I will pose on this and then leave my brain to heal on its own. Thank you in advance and much healing to everyone!

 

Do you feel any burning, tingling, or numbness in your face or behind your eyes?  How about in your limbs? 

 

My point is that depersonalization is moreso a symptom rather than a specific illness - which means that it can be caused by a number of different factors.  E.g., people with multiple sclerosis may feel depersonalization, due to sclerotic lesions - and so can someone who's perfectly healthy, who has just had a very very traumatizing life experience.

 

One more thing I might add here is that anecdotally (I haven't done the research into the facts, so take this for what you will) - people who present with depersonalization can also experience tingling, numbness, etc, in the extremeties and in the face.  Lowered pain sensitivity, lack of emotions, memory loss, congnitive issues, etc.  They may have never ever taken an SSRI but present with very similar symptoms!  Isn't that interesting?  So what could potentially be happening with SSRI's is that it's inducing a profound classic depersonalization response, which can FEEL like a lot of things going on simultaneously (e.g., it may feel like a neuropathy, but is nothing more than a profoundly well entrenched anxiety/depersonalization response).  I've personally had a couple of windows in my recovery process, very brief, but in these windows many of my symptoms just suddenly started to evaporate over a 10 minute period.  These experiences have lead me to believe that if I can sustain one of these windows of clarity and let my brain heal from the dp/dr, perhaps that's all there is to my suffering.

 

I don't know if this is going to make you feel better about your condition, but these are just some thoughts.

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One more question. Is what I am experiencing actually DR? My emotions are somewhat present but it feels more like WD depression and exhaustion than anything else. My biggest concern is the slight 'glass barrier' in my vision. Is that DR?

 

I feel for some of you who speak of things looking 2d and being totally disconnected. I am lucky enough to be able to perform daily tasks, though it is very very hard because of the brain fatigue. I just keep focusing on the barrier feeling in my vision.

 

This is the last question I will pose on this and then leave my brain to heal on its own. Thank you in advance and much healing to everyone!

Do you feel any burning, tingling, or numbness in your face or behind your eyes? How about in your limbs?

 

My point is that depersonalization is moreso a symptom rather than a specific illness - which means that it can be caused by a number of different factors. E.g., people with multiple sclerosis may feel depersonalization, due to sclerotic lesions - and so can someone who's perfectly healthy, who has just had a very very traumatizing life experience.

 

One more thing I might add here is that anecdotally (I haven't done the research into the facts, so take this for what you will) - people who present with depersonalization can also experience tingling, numbness, etc, in the extremeties and in the face. Lowered pain sensitivity, lack of emotions, memory loss, congnitive issues, etc. They may have never ever taken an SSRI but present with very similar symptoms! Isn't that interesting? So what could potentially be happening with SSRI's is that it's inducing a profound classic depersonalization response, which can FEEL like a lot of things going on simultaneously (e.g., it may feel like a neuropathy, but is nothing more than a profoundly well entrenched anxiety/depersonalization response). I've personally had a couple of windows in my recovery process, very brief, but in these windows many of my symptoms just suddenly started to evaporate over a 10 minute period. These experiences have lead me to believe that if I can sustain one of these windows of clarity and let my brain heal from the dp/dr, perhaps that's all there is to my suffering.

 

I don't know if this is going to make you feel better about your condition, but these are just some thoughts.

Not really any tingling or numbness. My eyes do feel vey dry as if they were going to pop out of socket sometimes. But that fades.

 

I did have a window about 3 weeks ago where my depression and anxiety lifted and for about 2 hours I felt really good, didn't are about the visual DR and it was almost gone for that time being. This making me believe that it's all anxiety based.

 

I do remember that when I started Lexapro, I had this feeling for about 8 weeks and it went away. This leads me to believe it is caused by the drug.

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One more question. Is what I am experiencing actually DR? My emotions are somewhat present but it feels more like WD depression and exhaustion than anything else. My biggest concern is the slight 'glass barrier' in my vision. Is that DR?

 

I feel for some of you who speak of things looking 2d and being totally disconnected. I am lucky enough to be able to perform daily tasks, though it is very very hard because of the brain fatigue. I just keep focusing on the barrier feeling in my vision.

 

This is the last question I will pose on this and then leave my brain to heal on its own. Thank you in advance and much healing to everyone!

Do you feel any burning, tingling, or numbness in your face or behind your eyes? How about in your limbs?

 

My point is that depersonalization is moreso a symptom rather than a specific illness - which means that it can be caused by a number of different factors. E.g., people with multiple sclerosis may feel depersonalization, due to sclerotic lesions - and so can someone who's perfectly healthy, who has just had a very very traumatizing life experience.

 

One more thing I might add here is that anecdotally (I haven't done the research into the facts, so take this for what you will) - people who present with depersonalization can also experience tingling, numbness, etc, in the extremeties and in the face. Lowered pain sensitivity, lack of emotions, memory loss, congnitive issues, etc. They may have never ever taken an SSRI but present with very similar symptoms! Isn't that interesting? So what could potentially be happening with SSRI's is that it's inducing a profound classic depersonalization response, which can FEEL like a lot of things going on simultaneously (e.g., it may feel like a neuropathy, but is nothing more than a profoundly well entrenched anxiety/depersonalization response). I've personally had a couple of windows in my recovery process, very brief, but in these windows many of my symptoms just suddenly started to evaporate over a 10 minute period. These experiences have lead me to believe that if I can sustain one of these windows of clarity and let my brain heal from the dp/dr, perhaps that's all there is to my suffering.

 

I don't know if this is going to make you feel better about your condition, but these are just some thoughts.

Not really any tingling or numbness. My eyes do feel vey dry as if they were going to pop out of socket sometimes. But that fades.

 

I did have a window about 3 weeks ago where my depression and anxiety lifted and for about 2 hours I felt really good, didn't are about the visual DR and it was almost gone for that time being. This making me believe that it's all anxiety based.

 

I do remember that when I started Lexapro, I had this feeling for about 8 weeks and it went away. This leads me to believe it is caused by the drug.

 

 

If you had a window then it's definitely possible that you will get a full recovery.  If you don't have any tingling and numbness that's also a good sign that it's probably not nerve related issues or anything. 

 

Perhaps it is just anxiety.  have you ever looked around the http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/website?  I'd focus HEAVILY on the recovery stories, and see if it helps you understand your symptoms or how to treat them.

 

Some people can recover by doing emotional exercises, writing, and self expression to help with the underlying emotional and anxiety issues.

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One more question. Is what I am experiencing actually DR? My emotions are somewhat present but it feels more like WD depression and exhaustion than anything else. My biggest concern is the slight 'glass barrier' in my vision. Is that DR?

 

I feel for some of you who speak of things looking 2d and being totally disconnected. I am lucky enough to be able to perform daily tasks, though it is very very hard because of the brain fatigue. I just keep focusing on the barrier feeling in my vision.

 

This is the last question I will pose on this and then leave my brain to heal on its own. Thank you in advance and much healing to everyone!

Do you feel any burning, tingling, or numbness in your face or behind your eyes? How about in your limbs?

 

My point is that depersonalization is moreso a symptom rather than a specific illness - which means that it can be caused by a number of different factors. E.g., people with multiple sclerosis may feel depersonalization, due to sclerotic lesions - and so can someone who's perfectly healthy, who has just had a very very traumatizing life experience.

 

One more thing I might add here is that anecdotally (I haven't done the research into the facts, so take this for what you will) - people who present with depersonalization can also experience tingling, numbness, etc, in the extremeties and in the face. Lowered pain sensitivity, lack of emotions, memory loss, congnitive issues, etc. They may have never ever taken an SSRI but present with very similar symptoms! Isn't that interesting? So what could potentially be happening with SSRI's is that it's inducing a profound classic depersonalization response, which can FEEL like a lot of things going on simultaneously (e.g., it may feel like a neuropathy, but is nothing more than a profoundly well entrenched anxiety/depersonalization response). I've personally had a couple of windows in my recovery process, very brief, but in these windows many of my symptoms just suddenly started to evaporate over a 10 minute period. These experiences have lead me to believe that if I can sustain one of these windows of clarity and let my brain heal from the dp/dr, perhaps that's all there is to my suffering.

 

I don't know if this is going to make you feel better about your condition, but these are just some thoughts.

Not really any tingling or numbness. My eyes do feel vey dry as if they were going to pop out of socket sometimes. But that fades.

 

I did have a window about 3 weeks ago where my depression and anxiety lifted and for about 2 hours I felt really good, didn't are about the visual DR and it was almost gone for that time being. This making me believe that it's all anxiety based.

 

I do remember that when I started Lexapro, I had this feeling for about 8 weeks and it went away. This leads me to believe it is caused by the drug.

If you had a window then it's definitely possible that you will get a full recovery. If you don't have any tingling and numbness that's also a good sign that it's probably not nerve related issues or anything.

 

Perhaps it is just anxiety. have you ever looked around the http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/website? I'd focus HEAVILY on the recovery stories, and see if it helps you understand your symptoms or how to treat them.

 

Some people can recover by doing emotional exercises, writing, and self expression to help with the underlying emotional and anxiety issues.

Thanks, Osk. Ill take a look. The sad part is almost all

My anxiety stems from the way my WD symptoms make me feel. Which does seem to be normal.

 

I like you feel like once I can sustain a long window, my dp/dr will heal. Here's to that being sooner rather than later for the both of us.

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Just want to say the Derealization sucks! I've had this for 4 months now starting in month 8 of my WD. So strange how these symptoms come full force after being fine for 6-7 months. I know it will fade one day but it really angers me. Anyway, anyone that has this seen it get better recently?

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Now this symptom is very much reduced. If it was as high as a 10 previously, now its down to between 1 and 3. I still don't like leaving the house, probably because of the bad memories, but the reality is, when I do, its nowhere near as bad as what it used to be like.

 

Four months later, this continues to improve for me. It still hasn't gone completely, and when I'm in a wave, it does go a little higher, but for much of the time I can now function without being aware of it. I would rate it as being between .5 and 2 now.  

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Now this symptom is very much reduced. If it was as high as a 10 previously, now its down to between 1 and 3. I still don't like leaving the house, probably because of the bad memories, but the reality is, when I do, its nowhere near as bad as what it used to be like.

Four months later, this continues to improve for me. It still hasn't gone completely, and when I'm in a wave, it does go a little higher, but for much of the time I can now function without being aware of it. I would rate it as being between .5 and 2 now.

That's great, Petunia. It's great to hear how much it has improved. When did it start for you in WD?

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Its hard to remember, DR developed slowly after my too fast taper off lexapro. Things started looking strange probably between 2 - 4 months off, getting increasingly worse over the next year and then remaining frightening bad for another 2 years, then it slowly started improving.

 

Continual DP didn't start until much later, and even then it would come and go in waves. I remember going through a really difficult time when I was trying to renovate a house to move into. I was having to choose various colors, fabrics, designs and textiles but had no idea what I liked any more. It was like a race against time, trying to put together what our new home would look like, before I disappeared completely. Eighteen months later I had to buy a new car and by then I was gone completely and had no idea how to decide what to get. It was excruciatingly difficult trying to make that kind of decision when I had no preferences beyond needing a functional, reliable, easy to drive car.

 

There were two occasions when I experienced DR prior to withdrawal. The first was after my one and only use of marihuana in my early 20's. My boyfriend at the time convinced me to try it, because he enjoyed it regularly, so I tried a very little. I immediately experienced what I now know to be derealization which lasted the rest of the day and most of the following day.

 

About 2 years later it happened again while trying to shop for groceries. Suddenly, the shelves and products on them started swaying and stretching out of shape, the lighting in the store seemed to change too, everything got a greenish/blue tint and started to feel not real, like as if it were starting to dissolve out of my reality, or as is commonly described, looking through a very thick pane of glass. It escalated into a panic attack because I didn't know what was going on. I thought I was being transported into a parallel universe and wouldn't be able to get back.... or something like that. I hurried out of the store, back to my car, leaving my cart of groceries behind and tried to calm down, I was terrified by what had just happened. I didn't talk to anyone about this and became increasingly more anxious, wondering if it would happen again. I became a bit agoraphobic for a while and wouldn't go grocery shopping alone. But I got over it after a few months when it didn't happen again.

 

Twenty years later, I'm dealing with it again long term, courtesy of withdrawal.

 

DP is something I'm more familiar with, I've often experienced this in times of stress throughout my life and it hasn't ever bothered me because it would only ever last a few moments or a few hours at most, if it was a really stressful event. The difference with depersonalization was that I could recognize it as a normal, temporary reaction to something that was happening.

 

But the way I've been getting DP in withdrawal has been completely different, its been ongoing, unrelenting and at times I've been walking around almost certain that I don't really even exist... not even physically, like I'm a hologram being projected by a machine.

 

I'm choosing to see my ongoing DP from a positive perspective, like the concept of no-self in Buddhism, this has allowed me to relax into it and trust that even though I no longer know who I am, there is someone here taking care of things.

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Ugh! I known have to let this go, but I think that hardest part is trying to understand why this came up 8 months into WD? Most seem to get it right away. I think that's what scares me the most - though being scared is probably making it worse.

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Can you think of anything which happened just prior to this symptom developing, an increase of stress, lifestyle change, a reaction to something - medication, food, surgery?

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Can you think of anything which happened just prior to this symptom developing, an increase of stress, lifestyle change, a reaction to something - medication, food, surgery?

I do remember getting done working out and getting this terrible ruminating thought. Those were a symptom I was dealing with at the time. It lasted for about 5 days and then I was fine. That's how most of my symptoms were the first 6 months. Two days later after feeling fine, bam, it hit me driving home from work and I've had it ever since.

 

I do remember now that I got this when I went on Lexapro for about 8 weeks. It was easy not to care about then because of the med. It went away. I'm 99% sure it's WD related because I've never had it like this before. Either way, I have to accept it and move on and it will fade either way! Thanks Petunia!

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scot, do you know Joe, the author of that blog?

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For me it got so bad I can't even feel my body. I know how world looks and I know what certain objects are for but I can't shake the feeling of it looking so weird. The whole existence doesn't make any sense. I'm desperately digging inside od me to find some old parts but nothing. I just feel like consciousness in this body on this earth. I don't feel anything towards my family and friends.

I question and ruminate about everything. I feel like my perception of time and space is so altered I won't ever come back. I look at people and desperately try to feel what they feel. On the outside i can mimic how they act but on the inside I am an empty shell.

Every second od existing feels like torture to me. I can't see light at the end of the tunnel. My past doesn't belong to me and my future is terryfing.

I am dehumanized and lost. No emotions, no motivation, no love...just endless ruminating inside of me.

The feeling of me living like this for a couple of more days is devastating...I don't even want to talk about years.

 

I'm just a body filled with helplesnes, devastating and somebody's memories.

 

And the worst part is-I'm aware of it, I am living it.

 

 

Sorry for the post, I thought maybe writing could help me..

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Exactly, just an empty shell, without emotions, feelings, motivation...  for me it is now so bad, that i got a permanent blank stare into nothingness.

 

Its simply because of the colapsed / numbed out frontal lobe, where everything that you once was - is destroyed, all connections that you build since you was born.

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This is exactly how i feel. I sometimes feel like im not in my body..

 

Sadly 38 months and counting. Severe DR DP with no let up

 

For me it got so bad I can't even feel my body. I know how world looks and I know what certain objects are for but I can't shake the feeling of it looking so weird. The whole existence doesn't make any sense. I'm desperately digging inside od me to find some old parts but nothing. I just feel like consciousness in this body on this earth. I don't feel anything towards my family and friends.

I question and ruminate about everything. I feel like my perception of time and space is so altered I won't ever come back. I look at people and desperately try to feel what they feel. On the outside i can mimic how they act but on the inside I am an empty shell.

Every second od existing feels like torture to me. I can't see light at the end of the tunnel. My past doesn't belong to me and my future is terryfing.

I am dehumanized and lost. No emotions, no motivation, no love...just endless ruminating inside of me.

The feeling of me living like this for a couple of more days is devastating...I don't even want to talk about years.

I'm just a body filled with helplesnes, devastating and somebody's memories.

And the worst part is-I'm aware of it, I am living it.

Sorry for the post, I thought maybe writing could help me..

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Some music that still gives me some goose bumps, but no feelings at all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfosdtf_QBo#t=30

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Oj7UI0-pw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PDmZnG8KsM

 

I can totally relate to this.  I wish some people that fully or partially recovered would come on here and say "I felt like that, now I feel a full range of emotions".

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Is this DP or DR? I feel like it could be, but am not sure. Maybe it's something else? Maybe it's just part of who I am resurfacing (I've exaggerated and made up a lot in my life)?

 

I find myself questioning everything, whether things are the truth or reality or not. I think it might mix with the brain fog and memory problems, too. I'm questioning if things happened or not in my past, things I haven't questioned before. I'm questioning the present. I'm even questioning if withdrawal is happening or not, even when symptoms are happening I can't seem to believe that this is real and it's not all in my head somehow.

 

It's been causing a lot of anxiety and paranoia for me.

 

Can anyone relate or have any insight on this?

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I feel really dissociation and this is different from depersonlization somehow.

 

Disconnected from myself especially and thoughts aren't sinking in.

 

I've had dp/ dr before and got through it

 

What's going on? ,i'm scared i'm slipping into unconsciousness, i know i'm not supposed to be afraid of the symptom for it to go away but i can't

 

Its like I'm not myself anymore. Usually i can just close my eyes and convince myself that all is in my head but i'm soooo utterly confused

 

I can't do "positive imagery anymore" HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?? imagining things will get better was my salvation and now i can't because i feel awkard, uneasy. Whenever i try to see a better future or a positive image it just doesnt appear or i get scared and stop right in the middle

 

I CAN'T LET GO ANYMORE

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It sounds like part of depersonalization to me. I had DP/DR really badly for about 2 years in earlier withdrawal and relate to what you have written. My thoughts didn't seem like my own, they still don't at times now, but its a lot better. I felt very disconnected from everything which used to feel familiar, including my own family and myself, this is also slowly getting better for me. But I'm in protracted withdrawal and have been for a while, my recovery is slow, I was too late to reinstated after a too fast taper.

 

I also lost my ability to imagine positive things in the future, but would be flooded with frightening images. I had to learn to shut off those kinds of thoughts to avoid further anxiety.

 

Lots of people describe these kinds of symptoms as part of withdrawal. Have a look though our DP/DR topic:

 

Derealization or Depersonalization - Symptoms and self ... *topics merged

 

Your own introduction thread is the best place to ask these kinds of questions. Or add to the existing topic to keep all the information about this symptom in one place. You can find out if we already have a topic by searching.

 

When you reinstate, you will probably start to feel a lot better.

Edited by Petunia
updated

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I CAN'T LET GO ANYMORE

 

Exactly that happened to me, I actually used that same sentence to try to explain it, I think it's part of the emotional flatness that meds cause, I lost the ability to have a lot of feelings, one of them the feeling of relief, of leting go.

 

It is a bit better now, maybe 50% better than last summer when it started for me.

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It sounds like part of depersonalization to me. I had DP/DR really badly for about 2 years in earlier withdrawal and relate to what you have written. My thoughts didn't seem like my own, they still don't at times now, but its a lot better. I felt very disconnected from everything which used to feel familiar, including my own family and myself, this is also slowly getting better for me. But I'm in protracted withdrawal and have been for a while, my recovery is slow, I was too late to reinstated after a too fast taper.

 

I also lost my ability to imagine positive things in the future, but would be flooded with frightening images. I had to learn to shut off those kinds of thoughts to avoid further anxiety.

 

Lots of people describe these kinds of symptoms as part of withdrawal. Have a look though our DP/DR topic:

 

Derealization or Depersonalization - Symptoms and self ...

 

Your own introduction thread is the best place to ask these kinds of questions. Or add to the existing topic to keep all the information about this symptom in one place. You can find out if we already have a topic by searching.

 

When you reinstate, you will probably start to feel a lot better.

 

Hey thanks for your response, its getting so so hard to just do anything, i'm decoming depressed and I'm about to reinstate and I'm so scared I'll stay like this: the negative images are soo vivid its just horrible. Like all the force from what could be positive is suddenly transferred to the negative side.

 

 

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I CAN'T LET GO ANYMORE

 

Exactly that happened to me, I actually used that same sentence to try to explain it, I think it's part of the emotional flatness that meds cause, I lost the ability to have a lot of feelings, one of them the feeling of relief, of leting go.

 

It is a bit better now, maybe 50% better than last summer when it started for me.

 

 

Isn't it just the worse: and noone seems to understand what i'm talking about, they just say "let go" as if i hadn't already thought of that!

 

Of all the symptoms honestly these have got to be the worst

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I don't know if you can relate to this at all..as I've been having a similar struggle with wondering if what I'm experiencing is DP/DR or what.

 

I find myself questioning everything, whether things are the truth or reality or not. I'm questioning if things happened or not in my past, things I haven't questioned before. At times I almost feel like my mind is making thoughts up. I'm questioning the present. I even question withdrawal, even when symptoms are happening I can't seem to believe that this is real and it's not all in my head somehow.

 

I can't let go of anything either. I am so stuck in the past, mostly all of the messed up things I've done and the reality that I can't change over night. It causes me such anxiety, paranoia, and endless rumination.

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Yea i completely get it, like your thoughts are so far and you are too detached to make sense of it all!

 

I suppose you're feeling very confused too right? Because you just don't have that belief that it's withdrwal or anxiety or whater else. 

 

The ruminating thoughts ARE very much dp / dr related though. Because you feel soo detached and everything is dream like you start to question reality and have existential thoughts.

 

How long has this been going on for?

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Hi guys ,  in  this thread on "Derealization or Depersonalization"  members talk about similar experiences.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1766-derealization-or-depersonalization/?hl=derealization *topics merged

 

Hopefor Better , the ruminating (going over and over things in your head) is a common symptom.  Try to use CBT

techniques to recognize that that's what's happening , and to make the decision you're not going to think about that

at the moment.  Most people find when their mind is engaged in an activity , the thoughts aren't there.

Edited by Petunia
updated

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