☼ meistersinger

[tezza]

And I wonder why I am on psych medicine? I did the dishes this morning at 4 AM, right after my brother got up. As soon as he sees me leaving my room, he starts dropping the F-bombs left and right. I was tempted to tell him what he could do with himself, but I'd be out the door. He raised all hell because I didn't fold the dish towel and hang it up properly. He threw the teaspoon he used to stir his coffee on to the counter. Of course, I said nothing and washed it anyway. Why am I always everbody's scapegoat?

 

 

Sounds like your brother should be on Meds,lol. He must be very unhappy with himself and,seems to me, he takes it out on you, unfortunately. I'm so sorry you have to deal with such a stressful situation ( living with him) while withdrawing. Sadly, his bitterness will ultimately make him physically ill, at some point. {{{hugs}}}}

 

Love,

 

Tezza

[meistersinger]

<br />

<br />And I wonder why I am on psych medicine? I did the dishes this morning at 4 AM, right after my brother got up.  As soon as he sees me leaving my room, he starts dropping the F-bombs left and right.  I was tempted to tell him what he could do with himself, but I'd be out the door.  He raised all hell because I didn't fold the dish towel and hang it up properly.  He threw the teaspoon he used to stir his coffee on to the counter.  Of course, I said nothing and washed it anyway.  Why am I always everbody's scapegoat?<br />

<br />Have you shared the problem with your OVR counselor. You need to work on this in counseling, and put your name in for housing wherever there is a list.<br /><br />Sadly, your brother learned to scapegoat you from your parents. They, and now he deals with his stress by blaming someone else, this being you. Really sorry you are getting dissed like you are, it's miserable to put it mildly.<br />

<br /><br /><br />

OVR already know I have issues with him, and my therapist knows we don't exactly get along. As for housing, I'm still waiting.

I'd call my other brothers for a place to live, except the youngest definitely has no room in his house (not even a basement, which I would gladly live in), and the other brother and his wife are holier-than-thou.

 

Add to the fact my current living situation, his dog got out of the house this morning when I went to take out the trash. I managed to get her on the back porch, but she refused to come in the house. I finally gave up, and she was on the back porch most of the morning. I just left her in about 2 hours ago, and she has been back in his room ever since. Knowing him, I'll probably catch hell for her getting out after he left for work. After he put his bloodhound down 3 weeks ago, I told him I didn't think it would be a good idea to get another dog. His response was with the f-bomb, and this is MY house, I'll do what I damn well please. Any wonder I always was jealous of the dogs we've had over the last 21 years? They always got better treatment than I did.

[Altostrata]

Take the needle out of the syringe, if it is possible, or get another 1mL syringe from the pharmacy without a needle.

[Skyler]

Meister, your therapist, and to some extent, the OVR counselor should let you vent every time they are seeing you. This is what I was trying to get at... how long are the sessions with your therapist. Does he have time to give you adequate support, reinforce the need to control your temper (I realize this is VERY difficult, not to say much back.. not so far from the dysfuntional pattern your parents taught, but this would be with an eye to a time you can get out of there). And you need someone to keep up to date on the status of your hosing applications? How long ARE the wait times, did you put an application in?, etc.

 

Do get a 1 cc syringe as Alto suggests?

[meistersinger]

<br />Meister, your therapist, and to some extent, the OVR counselor should let you vent every time they are seeing you.  This is what I was trying to get at... how long are the sessions with your therapist.  Does he have time to give you adequate support, reinforce the need to control your temper (I realize this is VERY difficult, not to say much back.. not so far from the dysfuntional pattern your parents taught, but this would be with an eye to a time you can get out of there).  And you need someone to keep up to date on the status of your hosing applications? How long ARE the wait times, did you put an application in?, etc.<br /><br />Do get a 1 cc syringe as Alto suggests?<br />

<br /><br /><br />

 

I've only had one encounter with OVR so far, and this will only be the third encounter with my therapist. As of now, there is no funding in PA for housing. The local housing authority has a 5 year backlog for section 8. Gov. Corbett is more interested in how much money he can get from Big Oil and Big Pharma than he is with those of us with mental and developmental issues.

 

As for the dysfunction, the brother that is executor of mom's estate never fails to throw it in my face that I was mom' s favorite, and the brother I live with was dad's favorite. When he was a kid, I remember how much of a liar he was. I remember all too well how many time how I got suckered into something he did, and I ended up getting the blame. He usually hits with the rejoinder, I'm just saying, whenever he starts in. He still feels I'm just lazy, when I don't bother applying for ANY job. He doesn't have to live with, nor care to understand what I go through, as with everyone else in this family, he's always right, and I'm always wrong. He just also as much a perfectionist as I am, but will sign off on a job, letting management take the blame for shoddy workmanship, something I can not and will not do. I know the statement I'm going to hear when I tell him, if I even bother, about being on the autism spectrum: I'm a f****** liar, and not, in his words, a "retard", like my niece and nephew. No amount of education will convince him. He even as told me to my face that he hopes I'll be denied SSDI, as he'll laugh and throw it back in my face with unmitigated glee.

 

As for the syringe, once I find a pair of pliers, I'll try pulling out the wire. Otherwise, I'll need a prescription gor an oral syringe.

[Brandy]

Hi, meistersinger. I've been reading your story with great interest, and learning a lot. You are incredibly eloquent. Clearly a very talented man!

 

I hope you can find a situation where you can get away from that "toxic" brother as soon as possible. It sounds like he has a lot of "issues." I hope someday he can work through his issues, but you're dealing with your own problems right now and need to be away from him as much as possible, I think.

 

What he said about hoping you'll be denied SSDI (and many other things you mention) is just sick, and I suspect his remarks say more about him than about you.

 

I look forward to reading your thread more carefully as soon as time permits, but I do want to mention that oral syringes should be available without prescription. If you're on a liquid medication pharmacies will often give you one at no charge, though you'd probably need to ask for one that's smaller and more finely calibrated (for precise measurements involved in minute dose changes) than what is normally used for oral medications. There's an excellent sticky about this here, or Alto can tell you exactly what kind you need. They can also be purchased online.

[meistersinger]

<br />Hi, meistersinger.  I've been reading your story with great interest, and learning a lot.  You are incredibly eloquent.  Clearly a very talented man!<br /><br />I hope you can find a situation where you can get away from that "toxic" brother as soon as possible.  It sounds like he has a lot of "issues."  I hope someday he can work through his issues, but you're dealing with your own problems right now and need to be away from him as much as possible, I think.<br /><br />What he said about hoping you'll be denied SSDI (and many other things you mention) is just sick, and I suspect his remarks say more about him than about you.<br /><br />I look forward to reading your thread more carefully as soon as time permits, but I do want to mention that oral syringes should be available without prescription.  If you're on a liquid medication pharmacies will often give you one at no charge, though you'd probably need to ask for one that's smaller and more finely calibrated (for precise measurements involved in minute dose changes) than what is normally used for oral medications.  There's an excellent sticky about this here, or Alto can tell you exactly what kind you need.  They can also be purchased online.<br />

<br /><br /><br />

 

That was a different brother that told me that, although the brother I live with would probably say the same thing.

 

As for the a/d, Viibryd does not come as a liquid, afaik. I found out it was water-soluble. I made by own suspension 20m, water to 10mg tablet.

 

If you were to meet me in person, you'd find out real quick, I don't say much, unless you get me on something in my area of expertise. When I do talk, I have a tendency to be LOUD. I always thought it was of my vocal training, I found out almost 2 months ago it is Asperger's. Any wonder I have problems trying to find work, when I can find it.

[Altostrata]

You don't need a prescription for a needleless syringe. Just ask a pharmacist for one. Compounding pharmacies are more likely to have a range of oral syringes.

[Skyler]

Alto is right.. you do not need a script. And if you need pliers, use one of the oral syringes from the pharmacy??

 

Brandy, good to see you here. Meister is most appreciative of our 'chat' and support. (M.. hope you don't mind my comment??)

[meistersinger]

<br />Alto is right.. you do not need a script. And if you need pliers, use one of the oral syringes from the pharmacy??<br /><br />Brandy, good to see you here.  <img src='http://survivingantidepressants.org/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> Meister is most appreciative of our 'chat' and support. (M.. hope you don't mind my comment??)<br />

<br /><br /><br />

I don't mind at all. It's better than putting up my family and the local rednecks.

[meistersinger]

I had another session with my therapist this morning.  He did comment I was sounding and looking better than when I first started to meet with him, with which I replied that's is what I was needing all along, since most people tend not to give me the time of day.  I mention about my issues with insomnia, and how I've been sleeping during the day, as having my brother around has been causing me all sorts of anxiety and panic at night.  I did mention I was trying to get off Viibryd, and mentioned the harm reduction guide from the Icarus project.  I mentioned the research about chemical imbalance in the brain being refuted, but body chemistry imbalance due to diabetes having a lot to do with my issues with low mood, to which he replied yes, that would make sense, since who knows what happens with diabetes.  He did send an email off to my psychiatrist asking advice on me taking melatonin to get my circadian rhythm back in sync. I'll find out what the psychiatrist says on Friday.  <br /><br />The therapist asked about how my meeting went with OVR.  I told him that meeting was pretty much intake,as the counselor at OVR got my paperwork from behavioral health, but couln't figure out who I was until I showed up for my appointment.  The gave me the ODOT questionnaire to fill out, and told me to call back at the beginning of August, once they had my files in order.  I also told how i scored on that survey.  I scored highest in music, then library science, then IT which was no surprise in that order.  He asked how my SSDI application was going, and I told him it's still waiting to hear back on a hearing date.  He asked if I send any of the paperwork he gave me from our past sessions to my attorney.  I told him my attorney's paralegal gets a little annoyed when I do that, though they'll be requesting that information in the future.  Last time I checked Social Security's website, my case hasn't been put on the docket.<br /><br />He then asked how well I was eating.  I replied I'm lucky if I get one meal a day.  He asked what I was eating and drinking.  I said I've been stitching to haddock, chicken, and extra lean beef, with ham and pork chops on occasion. As for drinking, primarily milk, water, as well as grape and cherry juice.<br /><br />While I felt good when I left his office, I fire up my email and get this message from my brother:<br /><br />If you can get your ass out of bed the countertop needs cleaned there's mouse s*** all over it make sure you get it all not your typical response of I got it the best I could b*******. Also the weeds need pulled or cut out back around where you park especially on the east side at the fence. Looks like the forsythia bush needs trimmed again to. Also when we're you planning on getting your albums out from the cabinet in the living room. <br /><br />

 

I forwarded that email to my therapist. He responded back that gardening may help to relax me, but was also concerned about the tone of that email.

 

Any wonder I'm a wreck?  Any wonder I don't talk?  His dog gets better treatment than I do.  To him, I'm nothing more than a lazy fat sack of s***.  I don't dare ask my other brothers, as the moly response I'll get is he owns the house, suck it up or live on the street.  If I try to tell him how I'm feeling, I just get told it always an excuse with me, just admit you're a lazy fat sack of s*** bum and drop dead.

[tezza]

I'm so sorry MS. I really wish you didn't have to deal with that situation. Just bear in mind, " a bird never flies so high, without someday having to come down". {{{hugs}}}

 

Love and well wishes,

 

Tessa

[meistersinger]

I have an appointment with the psychiatrist this afternoon. God only knows what's going to happen, as my anxiety right now is through the roof. My brother is probably going to raise hell because I. Kept my fat ass in bed all day again. Wouldn't you if anxiety kept you up all night? I'm so sick of walking on eggshells. I'm sick of having no support from my family. I'm sick of all the platitudes. I'M JUST SICK!

[Altostrata]

ms, is it possible that through your church, you can find a room somewhere else to live in, in exchange for chores? Living with your brother is not a healthy situation.

 

Also try this and other advocacy organizations:

http://www.naa-pa.org/

http://www.autismlink.com/locations/view/39

http://autismcentralpa.org/

 

If they can't help you, ask if they know of someone who can. Keep asking.

 

You need an advocate and peer support, if available.

[meistersinger]

<br />ms, is it possible that through your church, you can find a room somewhere else to live in, in exchange for chores? Living with your brother is not a healthy situation.<br /><br />Also try this and other advocacy organizations: <br /><a href='http://www.naa-pa.org/' class='bbc_url' title='External link' rel='nofollow external'>http://www.naa-pa.org/</a> <br /><a href='http://www.autismlink.com/locations/view/39' class='bbc_url' title='External link' rel='nofollow external'>http://www.autismlin...cations/view/39</a><br /><a href='http://autismcentralpa.org/' class='bbc_url' title='External link' rel='nofollow external'>http://autismcentralpa.org/</a><br /><br />If they can't help you, ask if they know of someone who can. Keep asking.<br /><br />You need an advocate and peer support, if available.<br />

<br /><br /><br />

 

I've already been that route, especially for housing. There is no funding for adult autism services in PA. I've tried several groups, and come up with the same answer each time. I have a psychiatrists appointment this afternoon. I'll see what he says.

[Altostrata]

Don't look for funding, look for advocacy. You need a room in exchange for chores. There may be a kind elderly person who needs someone just like you to help around the house.

[Skyler]

MS.. would the minister of your church be instrumental in setting you up with someone, either in the congregation or community who would advocate for you?

[Altostrata]

First, I would ask the minister if he knows of anyone with a spare room in exchange for chores. If not, I'd ask him if there's someone in the congregation who can help you by making phone calls and giving you support.

 

The autism groups are more likely to have people who know what advocacy means.

[meistersinger]

I'll ask the assistant pastor on Sunday. The senior pastor is on sabbatical. They normally refer me to Lutheran social services. I'll be calling OVR back on Wednesday, since they are still trying to gather my paperwork.

 

I just got back from the psychiatrist. I unloaded on him regarding the situation at home and he agrees with my therapist. I also let him know again why I was wanting off the meds (with diabetes, who know how screwed up my metabolism is.). I also asked if he was familiar with the Icarus project's harm reduction guide, which he was not. I told him it was on the Internet if he wants to look. I let him know what problems I had with Prozac, Effexor, Celexa (although he questioned the weight gain and elevated blood sugars. I referred him to my GP on how my numbers have gotten better.) He wanted to put me on tramadol, which I said no, thanks. He said it is a sleeping pill, but I'm here I don't want to take the chance of addiction. He whips out hid iPhone to check the PDR regarding interactions with my meds and melatonin. He says let's try the melatonin. I bought the 3mg tablets at the store, and will try half a tablet and see if that helps.

[meistersinger]

I did not make it to church yesterday, as I have been having panic attacks most of the morning.  I did contact one of the autism groups regarding advocacy.<br /><br />I am beginning to wonder about the brother I live with, if he doesn't have a depression issue himself, as he turned quite passive over the weekend.  I also can not read him on the mood he is in most of the time. He didn't say a word to me when I helped clean up after his trimming the hedges and weeds in the back yard.  He didn't say anything about me doing the dishes.  He did bring home a six-pack of Samuel Adams beer (I don't like alcoholic beverages), and he has been putting down iced tea and coffee by the gallons.<br /><br />We shall see what today brings...

 

My youngest brother stopped by for some reason. His wife is making curtains for the bay window in the front room. He asked me briefly about cable modem standards, since he is ready to drop Verizon DSL and phone for Comcast, as Verizon can never seem to fix the problems with his phone line and dsl service. I told him, check with the local Comcast office, as they may or may not have the current network equipment installed in the area.

 

As for the melatonin, I'm still having the panic attacks at 2:00am in the morning. I reduced my dose of Viibryd down to 4.49 ml from 4.5 ml, so I wonder if this might be causing the panic attacks?

[tezza]

Hi MS,

 

I sure hope things start looking better for you real soon.

 

I feel so isolated and lonely, so I'm sure it's rough going for you. {{{hugs}}}

 

Love,

 

Tezza

[meistersinger]

So far today:

 

Did the dishes

 

Did a load of bath towels

 

Brought the trash cans and recycle bin back in the yard

 

Cleaned the toilet

 

Left his dog out to do her business

 

I've been up since 6:30 AM, after falling back to sleep at 4:30 AM.

[Altostrata]

Yes, your early-morning panic attacks may be because of the reduction in Viibryd.

 

My suggestion of an advocate was for someone to help you with bureaucracy and to help you find a room in exchange for chores. No matter what your brother's mood, it seems to me you need to get away from him.

[meistersinger]

Things have calmed down right now with my brother considerably.  I have written to groups listed, and they do not do advocacy.  PA disability rights center's web site is being redone, and have not been able to find an email address to contact them.<br /><br />As for my brother, if I didn't think he'd tear my head off, I'd be telling him to cut down both the coffee and sweet iced tea, as well as the cigarettes.<br /><br />As for the church, the majority of the elderly are residents at either The Lutheran Home at Sprenkle Drive or at the Kelly Drive Campus.  The assistant pastor referred me to Lutheran Social Services, who referred me to the community Progress Council, who referred me to the county housing authority, who can't do anything because I have no funds coming in.<br /><br />Right now, I'm having adrenaline dumps left and right.  My therapist recommended to my psychiatrist that I take melatonin to restore my sleep patterns.  That only worked for 1 day.  I'm still having anxiety attacks at 2:00am in the morning.  The tablets I bought are the vegetarian formula, 3 mg per tablet.  I've tried 1 tablet, and have had headaches and being wired all day.  I tried a half tablet, and still get headaches.  I'll try a quarter tablet tonight, and if that doesn't work, I give up.<br /><br />I did start looking at the employment websites again.  Unfortunately, not much there holds my fancy, since those jobs require excellent or superior inter personal communications skills. Any wonder i could never understand why I never made money delivering pizza.  My spiel was hello, that will be $x.xx, thank you.   Any wonder the employment rate for those of us on the autism spectrum is anywhere from 80-100% ? Any wonder I'm down and disgusted?

[meistersinger]

<br />Alto is right.. you do not need a script. And if you need pliers, use one of the oral syringes from the pharmacy??<br /><br />Brandy, good to see you here.  <img src='http://survivingantidepressants.org/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> Meister is most appreciative of our 'chat' and support. (M.. hope you don't mind my comment??)<br />

<br /><br /><br />

I did find a graduated oral syringe at a different pharmacy, but it is graded in .2 ml increments.

[Skyler]

<br />Alto is right.. you do not need a script. And if you need pliers, use one of the oral syringes from the pharmacy??<br /><br />Brandy, good to see you here.  <img src='http://survivingantidepressants.org/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> Meister is most appreciative of our 'chat' and support. (M.. hope you don't mind my comment??)<br />

<br /><br /><br />

I did find a graduated oral syringe at a different pharmacy, but it is graded in .2 ml increments.

 

I have gotten them around my neck of the woods at Walgreens, CVS, and Stop and Shop pharmacies. Hereabouts they go in .1 increments, and each of those are in 5 .02 mls. I know you are very specific, but can't help but wonder if you meant to put .02 instead of .2mls? (Glad to see you pushing along with this.. )

[meistersinger]

<br />

<br />

<br />Alto is right.. you do not need a script. And if you need pliers, use one of the oral syringes from the pharmacy??<br /><br />Brandy, good to see you here.  <img src='http://survivingantidepressants.org/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='<img src='http://survivingantidepressants.org/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />' /> Meister is most appreciative of our 'chat' and support. (M.. hope you don't mind my comment??)<br />

<br /><br /><br /><br />I did find a graduated oral syringe at a different pharmacy, but it is graded in .2 ml increments.<br />

<br />I have gotten them around my neck of the woods at Walgreens, CVS, and Stop and Shop pharmacies. Hereabouts they go in .1 increments, and each of those are in 5 .02 mls.  I know you are very specific, but can't help but wonder if you meant to put .02 instead of .2mls? (Glad to see you pushing along with this..  <img src='http://survivingantidepressants.org/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />)<br />

<br /><br /><br />

There are 5 hash marks between each milliliter calibration, hence .2 ml.

Now if I could get some sleep... Melatonin has done nothing but put my anxiety levels through the roof. First night I took 1/2 tablet, I was ok, but still was up at 2:00 in the morning and slept most of the afternoon, due to a migraine. Second night, I took a full 3 mg tablet, and it sent me through the roof. I felt the cortisol dumping on me 5 times at 2:30 this morning. It also didn't help that I ramen noodle soup or supper last night. I had 2 packets and wanted to finish them off. I should have known the boullion packets would really do me in, no thanks to the sodium. Funny thing, those boullion packets set me off, but I have no problems with Old Bay Seasoning, which has even more sodium. (For those of you who don't know, Old Bay Seasoning is commonly found around Baltimore to season steamed crab, steamed shrimp, chicken and hamburg. It has a very distinct taste and odor.)

[Skyler]

There are 5 hash marks between each milliliter calibration, hence .2 ml.

Now if I could get some sleep... Melatonin has done nothing but put my anxiety levels through the roof. First night I took 1/2 tablet, I was ok, but still was up at 2:00 in the morning and slept most of the afternoon, due to a migraine. Second night, I took a full 3 mg tablet, and it sent me through the roof. I felt the cortisol dumping on me 5 times at 2:30 this morning. It also didn't help that I ramen noodle soup or supper last night. I had 2 packets and wanted to finish them off. I should have known the boullion packets would really do me in, no thanks to the sodium. Funny thing, those boullion packets set me off, but I have no problems with Old Bay Seasoning, which has even more sodium. (For those of you who don't know, Old Bay Seasoning is commonly found around Baltimore to season steamed crab, steamed shrimp, chicken and hamburg. It has a very distinct taste and odor.)

 

Hi.. I think they might be .02 for each. 1 mL for the syringe, and .1 for each of 10 smaller, then .02 to separate those. You did good.

 

Melatonin does not work for me, mostly makes me feel strange. Alto says to try cautiously and increase the dose slowly. There is a post floating around somewhere.. don't know if you have seen it. Hope you feel better as the day progresses.

[meistersinger]

<br />

<br />There are 5 hash marks between each milliliter calibration, hence .2 ml.<br />Now if I could get some sleep...  Melatonin has done nothing but put my anxiety levels through the roof.  First night I took 1/2 tablet, I was ok, but still was up at 2:00 in the morning and slept most of the afternoon, due to a migraine.  Second night, I took a full 3 mg tablet, and it sent me through the roof.  I felt the cortisol dumping on me 5 times at 2:30 this morning.  It also didn't help that I ramen noodle soup or supper last night.  I had 2 packets and wanted to finish them off.  I should have known the boullion packets would really do me in, no thanks to the sodium.  Funny thing, those boullion packets set me off, but I have no problems with Old Bay Seasoning, which has even more sodium. (For those of you who don't know, Old Bay Seasoning is commonly found around Baltimore to season steamed crab, steamed shrimp, chicken and hamburg.  It has a very distinct taste and odor.)<br />

<br />Hi.. I think they might be .02 for each. 1 mL for the syringe, and .1 for each of 10 smaller, then .02 to separate those.  You did good.<br /><br />Melatonin does not work for me, mostly makes me feel strange. Alto says to try cautiously and increase the dose slowly. There is a post floating around somewhere.. don't know if you have seen it.  Hope you feel better as the day progresses.<br />

<br /><br /><br />

I found the article. Now that I have a pill cutter and can cut them in quarters, I'll see what happens.

[Altostrata]

ms, here's info on melatonin: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/

 

Many people respond to .33mg. You may have been taking too much.

 

Does finding a room elsewhere in exchange for chores appeal to you?

[meistersinger]

it is now official: i have been told to vacate by Sept 11. i said something to the assistant pastor of my church. she will put the word out (i hope) for a room in exchange for chores in the congregation. i also talked to the organist. his daughter-in-law is a supervisor for group homes for one of the human services agencies here in York County. unfortunately, it is only for the intellectually disabled, which i am not.

i said something to my youngest brother. his response was pretty much so sad too bad. he said you know this was coming, get up and find work (anything for money). as for social security disability, don't count on it is his opinion. i told him i made the mistake of buying an ipad. he comes back, you know you shouldn't be buying toys when you have no money (as if i didn't know that already). He is here you know the brother you're living with has enough on his mind, now with a hefty mortgage, a hefty car payment, etc. i realize that. however, i come to the point that trying to find a job is fruitless, as it stands. every job i attempt to apply for, i end up going through one of those damned online application, with no way of contacting a hiring manager, since the so-called h.r. decisions are made out of town and out of state. I have a call in to my caseworker at vocational rehab, as of last monday. she still has not returned my call. i'll try to call her again this week and see what happens.

as to where i am at right now, i have not slept well for the past 3 nights. as soon as my brother leaves for work, i have multiple meltdowns. i am probably going to have to contact county mh/mr and see what kind of assistance they can provide. otherwise, i'm screwed. i might as well be in jail or the lockdown ward in the psych unit at the hospital.

[Skyler]

it is now official: i have been told to vacate by Sept 11. i said something to the assistant pastor of my church. she will put the word out (i hope) for a room in exchange for chores in the congregation. i might as well be in jail or the lockdown ward in the psych unit at the hospital. I have a call in to my caseworker at vocational rehab, as of last monday. she still has not returned my call. i'll try to call her again this week and see what happens.

 

Hi meister.. I'm so sorry to read this. Dreadful. Let us know what you hear from your church and the office of Voc Rehab (OVR). Hopefully now that you have had a final from your brother(s) you will be in line for more immediate help. It sounds like a contact thru the church is your best option. I don't think anyone could sleep thru all this.. ~S

[Barbarannamated]

MS,

I sent you a PM, but wanted to alert you to this thread I opened. I hope we can brainstorm on this topic that probably impacts many people.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2793-housing-alternatives-shared-housing/#entry29463

B

[meistersinger]

I had psychological testing done this past Friday. The diagnostician seemed to be a nice enough man. We talked briefly, and found out one of his relatives attended the same university aand was also a music major. i asked the disgnostician his relative's name. He gave the name. While it sounded familiar, I asked what instrument he played. Turns out, he plays trumpet. I asqked what year his relative graduated. He was not sure. I mentioned a few names of faculty that are currentlynteaching in the department, as well department chairpersons, which he did not recognize. The only name the diagnostician recognized was the director of contemprqry music at church, who is a locally known jazz percussionist, who graduated 3 years after me. He did indicate to me, like my therapist, the only confidence I get is as a musician, which is the only thing I ever really wanted to be.

Anyhow, he started with the Weschler Adult Intelligence Scale. I was doing quite well with that battery of tests until we get to visual intelligence. I told him right then and there I am not a visual thinker. I'll take verbal analogies anyday. Anyhow, like I predicted, I did not do well with visual intelligence.

After that battery of tests, he moved onto the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule, module 4, which is for autistic people that are verbal. While taking that battery, he asked questions regarding my parents. I mention that life was not exactly good at home, considering both parents came from dysfunctional families. I let him know that I had few close friends, even to this day, due to the slicing and dicing dad would to me in front of my friends, and mom would slice and dice my friends. I let him know how much dad made out as a jackass, and never let me forget it. To his customers, since he worked for the same company for 35 years, like his father, he was tind to as fault. When he fell off the milk truck in 1979, and his customers found out he was not coming back, every last customer of his quit that service. When he transferred to the connivence store division of that company, all his old customers showed up for the grand opening of his store. When he died 26 years ago, every last one of his customers showed up for the funeral. I still cry over that. Any wonder I get in a low mood and start spending money hand over fist each year, no matter how hard i try not to.

No matter how badly he hassled me, he was still my dad and i still grieve after all this time. It's doubly worse, now that mom is gone and I really have no one in the family to speak with, since the blowup regarding mom's estate. The only thing i ever hear is grow up, get over it, get out of my house and don't come back.

The diagnostician said when he writes the report, he will write in a way that disability will be recommended. He will also send it out to MHMR as well as vocational rehab. I told him I would appreciate it. Unfortunately, it is the administrative law judge that decides whether I get disability, and I have no idea who that is going to be. My immediate worry right now is finding another place to live. I asked the assistant pastor this morning, and she has not heard anything yet. I got a call back from my caseworker at vocational rehab this pst fridasy, but was not home due to the testing. Another acquaintence at church is supposed to show up sometime this week to repair the ceiling in my former bedroom, and possibly find out where the water is coming in and see if he can repair it. Then I am on the street, possibly for good, unless someone in the family relents and lets me stay her or with them, someone from my church will let me stay, or MHMR can get me in a domicle situation with the elderly, who I identified more with than my own peers.

[Skyler]

The diagnostician said when he writes the report, he will write in a way that disability will be recommended. He will also send it out to MHMR as well as vocational rehab. I told him I would appreciate it. Unfortunately, it is the administrative law judge that decides whether I get disability, and I have no idea who that is going to be. My immediate worry right now is finding another place to live. I asked the assistant pastor this morning, and she has not heard anything yet. I got a call back from my caseworker at vocational rehab this pst fridasy, but was not home due to the testing. Another acquaintence at church is supposed to show up sometime this week to repair the ceiling in my former bedroom, and possibly find out where the water is coming in and see if he can repair it. Then I am on the street, possibly for good, unless someone in the family relents and lets me stay her or with them, someone from my church will let me stay, or MHMR can get me in a domicle situation with the elderly, who I identified more with than my own peers.

 

Don't knock the report from the diagnostician. Every report in your favor is a step forward. And administrative law judges are not necessarily the enemy, a lot of them are compassionate folks.

 

I'm glad to hear the assistant pastor is looking for you.. I don't know what will come.. but if the worst does happen (you have alot of people pulling for you, and someone in your family may well cave). In the very worst case scenario, you are NOT on the street for good. Once you get a check you will have an income, not generous, but enough for some sort of lodgings. And M.. I think you will get disability. Sadly, the housing crisis may help..

 

Meister.. I'm so very sorry you are having to go thru all this. ~S

[Altostrata]

meister, you might also go to the other churches in your town and ask the ministers if anyone can give you a room in exchange for chores.

 

You can ask the pastor and assistant pastor of your own church to vouch for you.