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jfrank17


jfrank17

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Checking in. I had 2 really good days and decent rest from Mon-Thurs and then had a setback with a difficult night last night with some anxiety difficulties remaining today. Feeling some fear that my moods will never smooth out without meds. Obviously "fearing the worst" there but sometimes it's almost harder after having good days to have a difficult one again.

 

Wishing everyone a peaceful weekend.

 

Hi jfrank.. having good days followed by bad is really difficult. I just went thru a spate of that, and it's hard not to give the bad days sway. When the good days first started (I have tinnitus that is fading.. slowly), they were worse than none at all, because each wave took the gains out to sea, tossed them mercilessly. But it is worth it to hang in there, the moods will even out and you will be glad you did.

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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Hi jfrank.. having good days followed by bad is really difficult. I just went thru a spate of that, and it's hard not to give the bad days sway. When the good days first started (I have tinnitus that is fading.. slowly), they were worse than none at all, because each wave took the gains out to sea, tossed them mercilessly. But it is worth it to hang in there, the moods will even out and you will be glad you did.

 

Thank you so much for your message of understanding and hope. It means so much to me and makes me feel a little stronger :).

Self-tapered off Effexor after being on for 9 years around 2001

Medication-free until 2006

In 2006 went through divorce and placed on Celexa 20 mg and p.r.n. clonazepam

Stayed on 20 mg until 2011 when began cutting in half and taking 10 mg (Didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms)

Began to plan to come off in spring/summer 2012, continuing 10 mg Jan/Feb.

Tapered to 5 mg March/April (about 1 week mild withdrawal symptoms).

Tapered to sliver of tablet, estimated 2-2.5 mg in (1-2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms progressively diminishing and then stopping)

May 18, 2012: Stopped Celexa.

July 5, 2012: Reinstated Celexa at 5 mg.

July 13, 2012: Increased Celexa to 10 mg.

August 30, 2012: Increased Celexa 15 mg.

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jfrank...

 

How are you doing? Are you taking the liquid Celexa and if so at what dose?

 

Have a great weekend. I too am looking for some sound sleep.

 

:D

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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I hadn't restarted it yet.. but I have now. I had a bout of recurrent panic attacks one after another Saturday until I was a shattered being and fled to my parents' place out in the country to stay the night and just get around some people for awhile. I then reinstated citalopram at 5 mg and within a few hours felt stabilized without the raw nerve feeling I have suffered for a month.

 

I'm not really sure when I will take my next step. At this point I feel like I need some time to heal from the trauma of the past 4 weeks and just live for awhile. I will begin tapering again, slower, when I feel ready. I am thinking maybe the next month off from thinking about it and just taking 5 mg.

 

Thank you again for your support everyone.

Self-tapered off Effexor after being on for 9 years around 2001

Medication-free until 2006

In 2006 went through divorce and placed on Celexa 20 mg and p.r.n. clonazepam

Stayed on 20 mg until 2011 when began cutting in half and taking 10 mg (Didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms)

Began to plan to come off in spring/summer 2012, continuing 10 mg Jan/Feb.

Tapered to 5 mg March/April (about 1 week mild withdrawal symptoms).

Tapered to sliver of tablet, estimated 2-2.5 mg in (1-2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms progressively diminishing and then stopping)

May 18, 2012: Stopped Celexa.

July 5, 2012: Reinstated Celexa at 5 mg.

July 13, 2012: Increased Celexa to 10 mg.

August 30, 2012: Increased Celexa 15 mg.

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I am thinking maybe the next month off from thinking about it and just taking 5 mg.

Thank you again for your support everyone.

 

Good decision.. take at least a month off, two would be better, take as long as you need and listen to your body. When you taper again, don't reduce faster than 10% a month off the previous dose. Be kind to yourself, eh?

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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I am thinking maybe the next month off from thinking about it and just taking 5 mg.

Thank you again for your support everyone.

 

Good decision.. take at least a month off, two would be better, take as long as you need and listen to your body. When you taper again, don't reduce faster than 10% a month off the previous dose. Be kind to yourself, eh?

 

Thank you, will definitely do that. It was just so hard to give up on the idea of being done with it. But I could see that ultimately I was on a path that was destroying my mental health and it wasn't worth that.

Self-tapered off Effexor after being on for 9 years around 2001

Medication-free until 2006

In 2006 went through divorce and placed on Celexa 20 mg and p.r.n. clonazepam

Stayed on 20 mg until 2011 when began cutting in half and taking 10 mg (Didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms)

Began to plan to come off in spring/summer 2012, continuing 10 mg Jan/Feb.

Tapered to 5 mg March/April (about 1 week mild withdrawal symptoms).

Tapered to sliver of tablet, estimated 2-2.5 mg in (1-2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms progressively diminishing and then stopping)

May 18, 2012: Stopped Celexa.

July 5, 2012: Reinstated Celexa at 5 mg.

July 13, 2012: Increased Celexa to 10 mg.

August 30, 2012: Increased Celexa 15 mg.

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  • Administrator

Very good to hear your withdrawal symptoms have eased, jfrank.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I really feared I might have waited too long, letting the panic cycle and get me to a point where I would have to go back to a full 20 mg again to get restabilized, but so far I feel a significant amount of relief after taking 5 mg Saturday and today, and I haven't even caught up on my sleep yet. Just seems very telling about just how much withdrawal was causing me to suffer. I was having so many doubts how much was W/D and how much was me.

Self-tapered off Effexor after being on for 9 years around 2001

Medication-free until 2006

In 2006 went through divorce and placed on Celexa 20 mg and p.r.n. clonazepam

Stayed on 20 mg until 2011 when began cutting in half and taking 10 mg (Didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms)

Began to plan to come off in spring/summer 2012, continuing 10 mg Jan/Feb.

Tapered to 5 mg March/April (about 1 week mild withdrawal symptoms).

Tapered to sliver of tablet, estimated 2-2.5 mg in (1-2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms progressively diminishing and then stopping)

May 18, 2012: Stopped Celexa.

July 5, 2012: Reinstated Celexa at 5 mg.

July 13, 2012: Increased Celexa to 10 mg.

August 30, 2012: Increased Celexa 15 mg.

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Good news :)

 

Give yourself time before tapering again. JF even if you had to increase it up to 10, it's still half of the original dose which is terrific.

 

Glad you are feeling better.

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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I feel really down today and so washed up/exhausted feeling. I feel really empty emotionally too. Is this normal, from having so much intense stress for so long? I feel a bit scared that even with reinstating I won't come back to myself but it has only been a couple days. Just hoping for some encouragement.

Self-tapered off Effexor after being on for 9 years around 2001

Medication-free until 2006

In 2006 went through divorce and placed on Celexa 20 mg and p.r.n. clonazepam

Stayed on 20 mg until 2011 when began cutting in half and taking 10 mg (Didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms)

Began to plan to come off in spring/summer 2012, continuing 10 mg Jan/Feb.

Tapered to 5 mg March/April (about 1 week mild withdrawal symptoms).

Tapered to sliver of tablet, estimated 2-2.5 mg in (1-2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms progressively diminishing and then stopping)

May 18, 2012: Stopped Celexa.

July 5, 2012: Reinstated Celexa at 5 mg.

July 13, 2012: Increased Celexa to 10 mg.

August 30, 2012: Increased Celexa 15 mg.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I feel really down today and so washed up/exhausted feeling. I feel really empty emotionally too. Is this normal, from having so much intense stress for so long? I feel a bit scared that even with reinstating I won't come back to myself but it has only been a couple days. Just hoping for some encouragement.

 

Stress, whether from withdrawal or RL events will wear you out equally fast. While it's not possible to know if reinstating will take away all withdrawal related symptoms, it does help for many if not most, and usually there is an adjustment period. I surely hope you feel better soon.~S Posted Image

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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Jfrank,

 

I'm right there with you. TheBobbi (new)

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2462-severe-100-anhedonia-with-no-winows-waves-or-anxiety/page__pid__24656#entry24656 and Anniej also mentioned new onset fatigue/exhaustion.

 

When this first hit me at about 6 months post Pristiq taper, I slept day and night. It felt like my body needed it. I *theorize* that years of drugs helped me power through on autopilot, not listening to my body as it was stressed. I've compared it to drugs that break a fever but don't address the underlying infection (or pain meds masking pain and allowing further injury). Just my hypothesis!

 

My husband asked why I was sleeping so much and I heard myself say "I'm EVOLVING, leave me alone!" Not sure where that came from, although the concept of healing and neurogenesis makes sense to me. :)

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Jfrank,

 

You made a great point that I hadn't thought of: the high energy of early withdrawal/taper characterized by anxiety/akathisia/emotion possibly leading to a burnout or exhaustion phase. During the first part, I could have easily been diagnosed as manic/bipolar with emotional outbursts, little sleep, a constant "revving" during autonomic dumping (I believe).

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • Administrator

Good point, jf and Barb.

 

Cortisol is energizing as well as neuro-anxiety and neuro-depression-making. You may well be experiencing a letdown as cortisol stimulation (thankfully) eases.

 

Some people also find that citalopram makes them fatigued or drowsy. Was that your experience when you first started it?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I think when I first started it I did feel some drowsiness/dullness. I thought about that and it's upsetting that starting on 5 mg would be like starting the drug over. Would that mean that my brain was starting to function more normally without it and that I am reestablishing an altered neuro function? I can't believe how far I have fallen in my mental state in the past month and am beside myself with wanting to feel myself again. I just feel so exhausted and so very down today. A lot of fear that I've somehow altered something "for good" in my brain functioning.

Self-tapered off Effexor after being on for 9 years around 2001

Medication-free until 2006

In 2006 went through divorce and placed on Celexa 20 mg and p.r.n. clonazepam

Stayed on 20 mg until 2011 when began cutting in half and taking 10 mg (Didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms)

Began to plan to come off in spring/summer 2012, continuing 10 mg Jan/Feb.

Tapered to 5 mg March/April (about 1 week mild withdrawal symptoms).

Tapered to sliver of tablet, estimated 2-2.5 mg in (1-2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms progressively diminishing and then stopping)

May 18, 2012: Stopped Celexa.

July 5, 2012: Reinstated Celexa at 5 mg.

July 13, 2012: Increased Celexa to 10 mg.

August 30, 2012: Increased Celexa 15 mg.

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  • Administrator

Your nervous system has to readjust to the reintroduction of the medication.

 

Don't worry about setting your brain back. Withdrawal symptoms showed it was very unhappy with the lack of the drug.

 

You will be able to stabilize and taper more slowly. You'll eventually achieve your goal.

 

Please try to stay calm and positive, expect you're going to be all right.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thank you for your posts. I just am frightened by how out of control I feel. I have never quite felt this trapped in my own head before and it's terrifying (even when I was first prescribed meds). I want to be stable again, more than anything else.

Self-tapered off Effexor after being on for 9 years around 2001

Medication-free until 2006

In 2006 went through divorce and placed on Celexa 20 mg and p.r.n. clonazepam

Stayed on 20 mg until 2011 when began cutting in half and taking 10 mg (Didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms)

Began to plan to come off in spring/summer 2012, continuing 10 mg Jan/Feb.

Tapered to 5 mg March/April (about 1 week mild withdrawal symptoms).

Tapered to sliver of tablet, estimated 2-2.5 mg in (1-2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms progressively diminishing and then stopping)

May 18, 2012: Stopped Celexa.

July 5, 2012: Reinstated Celexa at 5 mg.

July 13, 2012: Increased Celexa to 10 mg.

August 30, 2012: Increased Celexa 15 mg.

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jf...

 

 

After the cortisol/adrenaline bangs, we feel like we ran a Marathon. You are depleted and your body/mind need a good rest. Give yourself permission to rest.

 

When I reinstated Celexa it took a week to get back to normal and I wasn't off of it like you were.

 

As I said earlier, you may want to increase it again. If you do, just stay there and recover.

 

We all seem to go thru a bout of feeling like we failed. Not so. I can't stand the phrase "failed attempt at tapering." I stopped saying that to myself.

 

You are in transition right now. I like the term "transition" much better ;)

 

Keep us posted....

 

Nikki

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

Link to comment

Thank you for your posts. I just am frightened by how out of control I feel. I have never quite felt this trapped in my own head before and it's terrifying (even when I was first prescribed meds). I want to be stable again, more than anything else.

 

Jf,

How do you experience "out of control" and stuck in your head? That sounds like it may be depersonalization and/or derealization. Most unnerving and disorienting feelings for me - like being in a bubble. It will ease up. Here's a thread about it.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1292-depersonalization/page__fromsearch__1

 

Try to do deep breathing. We tend to shallow (chest) breathe when stressed.

 

You will be thankful that you're doing a slower taper.

 

Hugs!

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Jfrank,

 

I totally get it. I have been having 2 weeks if h

Everything was ok. And then it wasn't.

 

Med History

11/2009- 50 mg Zoloft (1st ad ever) in combo w/.50 xanax for 2 weeks then use xanax as needed (1st benzo ever)

9 days on Zoloft, I was awake for 9 days straight C/T Zoloft

11/2009- trazadone to sleep for 2 weeks c/t Trazadone

12/2009 start 10 mg Lexapro w/ Xanax as needed

5/2010-3 week taper off lexapro

9/2010? back to Lexapro 10 mg after 5 or 6 weeks c/t leapro

12/2010-10mg paxil

5/2011-6 week paxil taper

8/2011 5mg lexapro

last lexapro pill January 7 2012

all this as per doc orders Thanks Doc!

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Sorry

 

2 weeks of hell. I wanted to give up yesterday. My head has so much pressure, it feels like its going to explode. I'm dizzy and nothing feels real. I can't concentrate. My vision is all screwy.

But then I remembered so.ething. someone said , if you did not have these symptoms before medication, it has to be the meds it withdrawal from.

 

I am trying to get out of this wave. I feel like I could die right now. But I won't. I will try. Keep pushing. Stay strong.

Everything was ok. And then it wasn't.

 

Med History

11/2009- 50 mg Zoloft (1st ad ever) in combo w/.50 xanax for 2 weeks then use xanax as needed (1st benzo ever)

9 days on Zoloft, I was awake for 9 days straight C/T Zoloft

11/2009- trazadone to sleep for 2 weeks c/t Trazadone

12/2009 start 10 mg Lexapro w/ Xanax as needed

5/2010-3 week taper off lexapro

9/2010? back to Lexapro 10 mg after 5 or 6 weeks c/t leapro

12/2010-10mg paxil

5/2011-6 week paxil taper

8/2011 5mg lexapro

last lexapro pill January 7 2012

all this as per doc orders Thanks Doc!

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Sorry

 

2 weeks of hell. I wanted to give up yesterday. My head has so much pressure, it feels like its going to explode. I'm dizzy and nothing feels real. I can't concentrate. My vision is all screwy.

But then I remembered so.ething. someone said , if you did not have these symptoms before medication, it has to be the meds it withdrawal from.

 

I am trying to get out of this wave. I feel like I could die right now. But I won't. I will try. Keep pushing. Stay strong.

 

Hi ajn, sorry to hear you are having so many withdrawal symptoms, and good going for realizing that is what they are. Thing about waves is that sometimes before the start to ebb, they are at full height. I'm hoping you start to feel better soon. Keep posting so we can give you support. All the best, Schuyler Posted Image

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's been some time since I've been here. I think for awhile I needed to completely flee from reading and talking about withdrawal. It's been a huge roller coaster, but here is what has gone on with me the past couple weeks.

 

I had reinstated the citalopram at 5 mg. But 2-3 days in, I started having horrible adverse effects that I didn't even have when I first started the med. I had extreme anhedonia, anorexia, lethargy, and a smothered brain feeling that sent me into paroxysms of sobbing panic. I couldn't eat at all. It was physically hard to swallow, and after forcing some food down I threw it back up. I went from a weight of 135 to 130 in 4 days. After 4 days of that, I stopped the med again. Anything else was better than what I was dealing with. Within a few days after that, the side effects eased. I lost the smothered brain feeling, the lethargy, and was able to eat a bit again. The brain zaps never really came back, except for a mild head sensation with noise at night or when tired.

 

It hasn't been a happily ever after, however. Not yet. I still have the waves of anxiety and sometimes panic attacks. I get so scared still that I will never feel emotionally even again. I don't know at this point if it is still withdrawal or if I have simply slipped into a panic/fear cycle/habit as described in Claire Weeks' book and that I just need some time to recover. I do know that the fear of not being able to "make it" off the med is one I have to push back a lot. Especially after the adverse effect of when I took it again, it's just a difficult thing to keep my fears in check over.

 

So that's about where I am right now. It's still a roller coaster but I keep trying to hold onto hope that I will attain a steadier peace of mind with more time.

Self-tapered off Effexor after being on for 9 years around 2001

Medication-free until 2006

In 2006 went through divorce and placed on Celexa 20 mg and p.r.n. clonazepam

Stayed on 20 mg until 2011 when began cutting in half and taking 10 mg (Didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms)

Began to plan to come off in spring/summer 2012, continuing 10 mg Jan/Feb.

Tapered to 5 mg March/April (about 1 week mild withdrawal symptoms).

Tapered to sliver of tablet, estimated 2-2.5 mg in (1-2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms progressively diminishing and then stopping)

May 18, 2012: Stopped Celexa.

July 5, 2012: Reinstated Celexa at 5 mg.

July 13, 2012: Increased Celexa to 10 mg.

August 30, 2012: Increased Celexa 15 mg.

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  • Administrator

You might try 1-2mg if those withdrawal symptoms persist.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

I guess I still feel so unsure if the anxiety/panic problems are still withdrawal or from sensitization over the past few weeks. When I read the descriptions and explanations in Claire Weekes' book, everything is described there perfectly. The patterns, the thought processes, the cause/effect cycle of it. She even talks about noise sensitivity and odd noises in the head when going to sleep. I seem stuck in a rut of indecision and insecurity whether what is going on now is me or still withdrawal. I guess it's an answer no one can really say with complete surety.

Self-tapered off Effexor after being on for 9 years around 2001

Medication-free until 2006

In 2006 went through divorce and placed on Celexa 20 mg and p.r.n. clonazepam

Stayed on 20 mg until 2011 when began cutting in half and taking 10 mg (Didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms)

Began to plan to come off in spring/summer 2012, continuing 10 mg Jan/Feb.

Tapered to 5 mg March/April (about 1 week mild withdrawal symptoms).

Tapered to sliver of tablet, estimated 2-2.5 mg in (1-2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms progressively diminishing and then stopping)

May 18, 2012: Stopped Celexa.

July 5, 2012: Reinstated Celexa at 5 mg.

July 13, 2012: Increased Celexa to 10 mg.

August 30, 2012: Increased Celexa 15 mg.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I guess I still feel so unsure if the anxiety/panic problems are still withdrawal or from sensitization over the past few weeks. When I read the descriptions and explanations in Claire Weekes' book, everything is described there perfectly. The patterns, the thought processes, the cause/effect cycle of it. She even talks about noise sensitivity and odd noises in the head when going to sleep. I seem stuck in a rut of indecision and insecurity whether what is going on now is me or still withdrawal. I guess it's an answer no one can really say with complete surety.

 

Frank, I'm going to answer with my benzo hat on (same cortisol issues). I coined the term benzo 'bell'. This because when agitation hit, it was sort of like standing inside a bell with my ordinary anxiety in tow, and having someone hit the bell.. {{{{{{[bONG}}}}}} All the usual was amplified. The anxiety was all me, meaning the contents of the fears were what I have experienced, but the amplitude was ratcheted way up. There is no simple line between what is withdrawal and what is ourselves, only the volume of our subjective experience is wayyy louder than normal.

 

Hope this helps some.. ~S

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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Schuyler,

 

Thank you, that does make sense. I think I have even come to that conclusion before but somehow it went out the window at some point and I started second-guessing and debating within myself. Sometimes I get so frustrated, sometimes so utterly discouraged, and other times I feel a peaceful confidence that things will be fine. I just wish I could find that last one more often.

 

Your reply really helped settle my agitated thoughts for right now. I deeply appreciate it.

Self-tapered off Effexor after being on for 9 years around 2001

Medication-free until 2006

In 2006 went through divorce and placed on Celexa 20 mg and p.r.n. clonazepam

Stayed on 20 mg until 2011 when began cutting in half and taking 10 mg (Didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms)

Began to plan to come off in spring/summer 2012, continuing 10 mg Jan/Feb.

Tapered to 5 mg March/April (about 1 week mild withdrawal symptoms).

Tapered to sliver of tablet, estimated 2-2.5 mg in (1-2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms progressively diminishing and then stopping)

May 18, 2012: Stopped Celexa.

July 5, 2012: Reinstated Celexa at 5 mg.

July 13, 2012: Increased Celexa to 10 mg.

August 30, 2012: Increased Celexa 15 mg.

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Other times I feel a peaceful confidence that things will be fine. I just wish I could find that last one more often.

 

Try to focus on the real anxiety, and let the rest go. Meditation can help with this, just try a twist, so instead of letting all your anxiety go, let the part that is alien/cortisol enhanced pass by. Then imagine yourself hugging the anxiety that is you.. nurture, accept, don't fight it.

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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Other times I feel a peaceful confidence that things will be fine. I just wish I could find that last one more often.

 

Try to focus on the real anxiety, and let the rest go. Meditation can help with this, just try a twist, so instead of letting all your anxiety go, let the part that is alien/cortisol enhanced pass by. Then imagine yourself hugging the anxiety that is you.. nurture, accept, don't fight it.

 

I have to keep reminding myself over and over to not fight and accept. Sometimes having someone else say it reinforces it more in my mind again. Thank you so much for your advice and support.

Self-tapered off Effexor after being on for 9 years around 2001

Medication-free until 2006

In 2006 went through divorce and placed on Celexa 20 mg and p.r.n. clonazepam

Stayed on 20 mg until 2011 when began cutting in half and taking 10 mg (Didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms)

Began to plan to come off in spring/summer 2012, continuing 10 mg Jan/Feb.

Tapered to 5 mg March/April (about 1 week mild withdrawal symptoms).

Tapered to sliver of tablet, estimated 2-2.5 mg in (1-2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms progressively diminishing and then stopping)

May 18, 2012: Stopped Celexa.

July 5, 2012: Reinstated Celexa at 5 mg.

July 13, 2012: Increased Celexa to 10 mg.

August 30, 2012: Increased Celexa 15 mg.

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Excellent bell description, Schuyler!

 

I also like "alien anxiety". It truly can feel like something has taken over control.

 

I also try to remember that my drug filters/mufflers have been removed after years of cocooning my senses. Everything is intensified. I think of a baby horse being born, standing on those wobbly legs, looking around n thinking "THIS is what ive been hearing from inside my mama. Put me baaack!!" Insert animal of choice. Horse is the only being ive witnessed entering the world :)

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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I guess I still feel so unsure if the anxiety/panic problems are still withdrawal or from sensitization over the past few weeks. When I read the descriptions and explanations in Claire Weekes' book, everything is described there perfectly. The patterns, the thought processes, the cause/effect cycle of it. She even talks about noise sensitivity and odd noises in the head when going to sleep. I seem stuck in a rut of indecision and insecurity whether what is going on now is me or still withdrawal. I guess it's an answer no one can really say with complete surety.

 

Considering that you've been off Celexa less than two weeks, I think you can safely assume that what you're experiencing is *all* withdrawal, not something that's going to stay with you forever. (I know it's easy to slip into that kind of thinking since I just did so myself regarding sleeping abnormally long hours.)

 

I'm a little more than six months out from stopping Lexapro, and I still have spells of anxiety and self-blame which I know are irrational and not a permanent part of my personality, but they sure feel that way when they're happening. The feelings aren't as strong as they were a month ago or the month before that, et cetera, so I expect they will eventually fade.

 

One very strong feature of withdrawal is impatience. We want to get this over with ASAP, but there is no known way to rush the process. Just hang in there. You will feel a lot better eventually, just not as soon as you want.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Jfrank,

I didnt realize you were so fresh off of Celexa. I echo what Jemima said. At the point you are, I had no idea that all that was going on with me was withdrawal - I thought I had surely lost my mind! Once I found this site and read everyone's accounts, the picture came into focus: the insomnia, early morning panics, anxiety, DP/DR. I never had brain zaps, so thought I'd escaped. I was on alot of meds for what turned out to start as endocrine problem, so don't take my story as anything "average"!

 

I just wanted to offer encouragement that anything weird you are feeling is due to your ENTIRE body adapting to the multiple effects of drug. The perceptual disturbances are most disconcerting because everything feels tweaked, not *right* and that creates an internal uncertainty, an ungrounding of sorts, that lends to alot of questioning and lack of confidence in who or what is real. Not unlike an LSD/hallucinogen trip from what I understand (never tried). I believe the mechanism is similar.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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I've been off of it since May 18 except for 4 days when I took 5 mg and had side effects that made me decide against it. I really don't consider those 4 days of 5 mg to have been fully on it again, as I had no brain zaps etc by stopping it again like I did on my initial stopping. I'm not sure that small amount of time could have readjusted my neuro system though it might have had some effect. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I had the high anxiety flares/panic over the few weeks before reinstating and that has not changed during or after the few days I took 5 mg.

 

I read this thread over on an anxiety forum that made me really see and understand how my stress levels got ratcheted up over the past 6 weeks and probably why any little thing is pushing me over into panic so often: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?9288-How-i-got-past-the-worst-anxiety-had-to-offer-My-philosophy

 

It's a lot of what I have already read, but the wording in a way where it just clicked more. I typed out a long journal entry of how my stress level rose during the weeks of dealing with withdrawal symptoms that were uncomfortable and physically limiting, and how it caused me to begin losing pleasure in normal things, and made normally small stresses seem huge. It seems so much more understandable now about why I can't seem to deal with any stressor at all.

 

I thank you all so much for your support. I hope someday I can help someone else as much as you all have helped me.

Self-tapered off Effexor after being on for 9 years around 2001

Medication-free until 2006

In 2006 went through divorce and placed on Celexa 20 mg and p.r.n. clonazepam

Stayed on 20 mg until 2011 when began cutting in half and taking 10 mg (Didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms)

Began to plan to come off in spring/summer 2012, continuing 10 mg Jan/Feb.

Tapered to 5 mg March/April (about 1 week mild withdrawal symptoms).

Tapered to sliver of tablet, estimated 2-2.5 mg in (1-2 weeks of withdrawal symptoms progressively diminishing and then stopping)

May 18, 2012: Stopped Celexa.

July 5, 2012: Reinstated Celexa at 5 mg.

July 13, 2012: Increased Celexa to 10 mg.

August 30, 2012: Increased Celexa 15 mg.

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I found this part very interesting:

 

"Your body is looking for the danger that it feels but it cant find it and keeps looking..."

 

Yes! There was a sense of imminent danger of unknown origin just waiting to jump out at me. The body and mind keep scanning.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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I've been off of it since May 18 except for 4 days when I took 5 mg and had side effects that made me decide against it. I really don't consider those 4 days of 5 mg to have been fully on it again, as I had no brain zaps etc by stopping it again like I did on my initial stopping. I'm not sure that small amount of time could have readjusted my neuro system though it might have had some effect. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I had the high anxiety flares/panic over the few weeks before reinstating and that has not changed during or after the few days I took 5 mg.

 

Even discounting the four days you reinstated, that still makes your journey through withdrawal a matter of roughly six weeks so far after being on the drug approximately six years. That's not long enough for the brain to heal and the symptoms you're having are very likely all due to withdrawal. As you read other member's stories, I think you'll see this.

 

I was on Remeron and Pristiq for four and five months respectively and then ten months on Lexapro including a too-fast taper. The first three to four months of withdrawal were sheer hell.

 

Here's a forum post where neuro-emotions are discussed that you might find helpful:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/137-neuro-emotion/

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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jf17...

 

If it is any consolation, I had a post last week about this. Schyuler asked me to separate the real stuff from the wd stuff. At that time I was trapped inside my head where the anxiety (whatever it is - probably both) can't be divided.

 

I can and have really struggled with this. Like you, when I talk to someone close, and here on the site I can see the difference until I go into another tailspin.

 

The Bell was great Schyuler and thank you for reminding me about the two sets of anxiety......

 

Hugs

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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