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Positiveone: My life story of ups and downs


Positiveone

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Hello to all. I am so happy to have found this forum. I will try to keep my story brief(ish). I'm 53 years old. While going through a terrible divorce at age 42, I experienced severe depression and anxiety. I was placed on lexapro, and when that didn't work, wellbutrin was added. The next few years were full of horrible ups and downs. I was raising 3 kids alone, and I had times of being depressed and anxious, and times of feeling much better. After 4 years of that, a therapist told me to go to a psychiatrist and tell him that she suggested that I might have a type of mood disorder. From there, I was placed on Lamictal and celexa. Life continued on, I would stabilize for a while, then have terrible depression and anxiety again. I was given ambien, and klonopin to take "as needed". I still have to have Ambien every night, but I seldom take the Klonopin now. Maybe once a week or so if I'm having a big meeting coming up. After a while, I would never even stabilize, just felt blah and foggy all the time. I somehow functioned ok during this time, holding down my teaching job, and letting everyone around me believe that I was ok, even though I wasn't. I even managed to get re-married 2 1/2 years ago. This is where the trouble began. We moved away from my hometown, where I had lived for 18 years. Moved away from my church, parents, friends, job, everything familiar to me. It should have been a time of great joy, but all the changes dragged me down pretty low. I started having more anxiety and depression. I went to 2 different psychiatrists. It's so odd to me how different and extreme they can be from each other. The first one took me off of celexa and left me on lamictal, later tried me on Abilify, lithium, and I can't remember what else. I think this caused a near mental breakdown. I remember curling up at night in a ball and crying myself to sleep. My husband was so patient with me, but I guess this had to have been stressful to him; we were newlyweds, after all. It is by the grace of God that I held on to my job those 2 years and did fairly well at it. I went to a 2nd psychiatrist who doubled the lamictal, put me back on the celexa, added Zyprexa, while leaving me on the Klonopin and Ambien. I was a walking ZOMBIE...had to get off the Zyprexa because I would nearly fall asleep driving. Well, last year my husband and I moved back to my hometown, which was wonderful. A new psychiatrist took me off of Zyprexa, and took me off of Lamictal and put me on Trileptal instead, a very small dose...in fact, I am now going to a newer psychiatrist closer to me, and he called it a "beginning dose", but left me on it. So, now I am on 20 mg. Celexa, 225 mg. of Trileptal (i double checked the bottle), 10 mg. of Ambien, and .5 Klonopin (which I seldom take). Now, I am going to a 2nd divorce...another sad story...he was seeing an old girlfriend nearly the entire marriage. Oddly enough, once I got off the Lamictal and was put on Trileptal around this time, I felt better. I am handling the divorce ok. Still having low level depression.

Which leads me to this........I want to begin tapering off my meds. 1)What if my psychiatrist won't work with me on that? I mean, they want to keep people on the drugs, right? 2) Are there supplements, and/or diet changes that would help me? Thank you all so much for listening, and I look forward to the dialogue.

57 year old female...desiring to get healthy, and get off psychiatric drugs. You name it, I've been on it!

Currently on:

Lamictal 150 mg.

Zoloft: 100 mg.

Ambien: 10 mg.

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  • Administrator

Welcome, Pos. Thanks for joining us.

 

Well, you've found there are no standards in psychiatry; treatment is trial-and-error, hit-and-miss; and some psychiatrists go way overboard on polypharmacy.

 

From your history, it's unclear whether any of that medication was effective. It seems that your low moods were caused, quite logically, from unhappy events that took you away from places you felt safe and deterioration of your marriages.

 

It's easy for psychiatry to call very natural emotional reactions to distressful events mental illnesses.

 

Many of us have had difficulty finding doctors who will assist tapering. That is why this site provides a great deal of do-it-yourself information you may discuss with your doctor.

 

It's good news you don't feel the need to take Klonopin. That is a very difficult drug to taper. Why are you taking Ambien? How long have you been taking it?

 

(PS Please break your posts into short paragraphs, they're much easier to read.)

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thank you for your answer, Altostra. Sorry about the long paragraph. I'm not sure, either, what, if anything, has helped me. I have been on SO many different meds, it's hard to tell. I feel ok right now, well, unless you include the exhaustion...

 

I just the need to be healthier, and I am worried about the long-term effects on my health. THAT is something that seems to be seldomly discussed by doctors.

 

I am hoping that my PDOC will aid me in tapering off. I would really like to find a doctor that does that specifically in the Houston, TX area, if anybody knows of one.

 

I am really nervous about getting off, but in the long run, I hope to feel better. After reading on this board, I am thinking it may take me a year or more to safely get off.

 

I take Ambien every night :( I have been taking it on and off for 10 years. Mostly on. I can't sleep without it.

 

I am looking for suggestions on how and where to start. I have 10 weeks off from work (I teach school), and I am thinking maybe this is a good time to start.

 

Thanks so much for the help and support.

Pos

57 year old female...desiring to get healthy, and get off psychiatric drugs. You name it, I've been on it!

Currently on:

Lamictal 150 mg.

Zoloft: 100 mg.

Ambien: 10 mg.

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  • Administrator

If I were you, I'd start with Celexa. The Trileptal and Ambien may enable your sleep, as sleeplessness is a common antidepressant withdrawal symptom.

 

We recommend a trial taper of 10%. Celexa comes in a liquid for handy tapering. See Tips for tapering off Celexa (citalopram)

 

Also see Important topics in the Tapering forum

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thanks for your reply. This is a wonderful place to learn. I have to admit that reading here makes me a little anxious seeing what people are going through in their withdrawals. Also, I remember a couple of times when I went off (while on an antidepressant only) cold turkey and how that felt! Ahhhhh! It was some of the worse depression and anxiety I had ever had. I have to say that I can see that everything I have experienced is because of the drugs. I didn't even need them until my first divorce, which was at 43, so if I was bipolar, shouldn't I have been identified before then?

 

I guess my main focus right now is to find a doctor who will assist me in the tapering off, so I have some calls to make next week. I'm trying to focus more now on healthy eating as well as vitamins and supplements.

 

From my reading here, I think I may have to even consider a longer taper than a year.....

 

Anyways, I am glad to be a part of this bord, and I am hoping to get started soon.

 

So, I guess I will start with the celexa.....

 

My regiment: 225 trileptal, 20 celexa, 10 ambien. ...... .5 klonopin on occasion

 

Thank you all!

57 year old female...desiring to get healthy, and get off psychiatric drugs. You name it, I've been on it!

Currently on:

Lamictal 150 mg.

Zoloft: 100 mg.

Ambien: 10 mg.

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Another observation of mine is that so many doctors changed my meds over night. They would take me off of one antidepressant and just put me on another one the next day. No tapering! No wonder I was crazy! One doctor just up and decided I needed to come off of celexa....just overnight. I couldn't stop crying for 2 weeks!,,,, I finally put myself back on it. I keep thinking of things to add to my original post. Lol

57 year old female...desiring to get healthy, and get off psychiatric drugs. You name it, I've been on it!

Currently on:

Lamictal 150 mg.

Zoloft: 100 mg.

Ambien: 10 mg.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Bipolar disorder is very much overdiagnosed. See How to Recognize a Bad Psychiatrist

 

Few doctors are knowledgeable about gradual tapering. If you find any, please let us know.

 

Any medical doctor can prescribe liquid Celexa for you. Do you have a good relationship with your GP?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hi Positiveone,

 

I don't know how frequently you take the Klonopin (a benzodiazepine) 0.5 mg, but because it has an intermediate half-life of 18-50 hours, you can easily become dependent on it even if you take it 1-2 times a week. 0.5 mg of Klonopin is roughly equivalent to 10 mg of Valium. Be cautious about abruptly discontinuing this drug, it can cause a horrendous and protracted withdrawal in some.

 

Also, it is important to know for the future, that Ambien, a so-called "Z" drug acts in a nearly identical manner as benzodiazepines and can cause the exact same problems of tolerance and withdrawal as benzos. Because Ambien has a very short half-life, it can also cause "interdose withdrawal". Just things to be aware of in the future. :) Hugs, Annej

My Intro
2000-Effexor and Klonopin
April 2011- C/T Adderall, lithium, Seroquel, Lunesta; Pristiq and Klonopin cut by 1/2 due to med-induced "rapid cycling"
May 2011- Pristiq/Lexapro bridge/taper
June, 2011- K cut to 0.5 mg (doctor)
July 18, 2011 - Lexapro done
October 2011- K taper started
Jan, 2012- Off K, Remeron started -bad idea
March 2012- Horrific Tardive Akathisa/TD (Dx: TA versus withdrawal akathisia secondary to K w/d)
May 2012- Reinstatement of K
Current Psych Meds: Klonopin 2 mg + Propanolol 15 mg and titrating up
As of June 2013: TA gone or suppressed - struggling with tolerance to benzos - beta blocker helping

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Alto, yes, I do have a good relationship with my GP, so I believe I will contact him next week if my psychiatrist won't help me. I'm going to see my psychiatrist this week, so I will see.

 

Ann, thanks for the info. I did not know that about the klonopin. I think I'm ok there, though. I can go weeks without taking it now. I have been off of ambien several times. It's just that the darn antidepressant keeps me awake. When I went off, I was wide awake for 2 or 3 nights, then could finally sleep a bit.

 

Thanks!

Pos1

57 year old female...desiring to get healthy, and get off psychiatric drugs. You name it, I've been on it!

Currently on:

Lamictal 150 mg.

Zoloft: 100 mg.

Ambien: 10 mg.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

If your psychiatrist wants to increase any of your drugs, think it over a bit before you agree.

 

It sounds to me like you have sleep problems because of the antidepressant, and maybe depression as a side effect of other medications.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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