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Anhedonia, apathy, demotivation, emotional numbness


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#73 Iggy131313

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Posted 13 January 2013 - 03:15 PM

hOW WONDERFUL, I know you are a long way out and I know you still struggle with your sleep but how wonderful not to have anxiety like that, I hope I get to remember one day what it feels like NOT to have anxiety all day everyday, I know 6 months is not a lonf time in these terms but it feels like it.
damaged by citalopram - severe suffering for 3 years now...no improvement

akathsiia, pgad, dp/dr, terror, and so SO many more daily

severly disabled and lost everything

#74 anhedonia

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 02:15 PM

The only thing I want to do in my life is watch old Star Trek and Stargate episodes.

LOL... that's EXACTLY what I'm doing. All I do is watch Stargate episodes.


I had intense free-floating anxiety. Not so much akathisia.

I had depersonalization for quite a while and that gradually went away. One day I realized I was present.

The emotional anesthesia gradually lifted. I can't recall if there were windows because the changes were so subtle.

I can't say I still have anhedonia. My emotions still seem a little muffled.

How long did it take you to feel some sort of emotion? For me, it's been 5 years, and I haven't felt a single emotion. Pretty damn depressing.

#75 Barbarannamated

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 02:20 PM

The free-floating anxiety is awful. Relieved to hear it given a name and also that it lessened. For me, it's closely related to dread / impending doom. Do we have a thread on free-floating anxiety? Gilmore Girls reruns for me. It's the only place i feel at home and with *family*.
Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

#76 Altostrata

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Posted 16 January 2013 - 10:09 AM

It took a few years for the depersonalization to go away, then my emotions started coming back.
This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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#77 anhedonia

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Posted 05 February 2013 - 09:04 PM

I'm literally starting to lose hope in recovering... I mean, it honestly feels like it's never going to end. Everything is literally colorless... everything is grey, the passion for life is literally gone. I have no dreams/goals/passions anymore... everything is meaningless to me, oh, and I lost my personality completely (+ my sense of humor). I don't want to say bring the morale down or anything, but let's be realistic, is it even possible to recover from such a thing? In my opinion, I don't think so... it seems like permanent brain damage to me... the brain is a very delicate organ (is it an organ? lol I don't even know, but you know what I mean) and people think that the brain will recover no problem, it's just a matter of time... etc. I only took an SSRI for 4 to 5 months (and it was a low dose) and I ended up like this... so yeah, I guess I have the worst luck ever, and I'm going to suffer for the rest of my life. All I do is wake up, eat, watch movies and sleep... I no longer have a life... that's something I used to have. I died in 2009. I tried contacting Charly G., but he didn't reply to my message... I don't know why, though. I just asked him if he experienced this anhedonia (can't enjoy anything) and emotional anesthesia... but no reply.


Edited by Altostrata, 10 September 2013 - 08:34 AM.
name changed for privacy


#78 Altostrata

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Posted 06 February 2013 - 10:52 AM

Charly is available on Facebook. Be patient, it can take quite a while for the emotional anesthesia to fade. For me, it was about 3 years (I was also experiencing depersonalization for that time).
This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#79 Iggy131313

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Posted 06 February 2013 - 01:27 PM

Anhedonia, from the posts I have read you are unsure if you took the prozac in 2009 or 2010? I dont understand how it can be 5 years? even if you took it in Jan 2009 it can only be 4 years? Dont get me wrong, 4 years is too long to feel like this and I really feel for you and all of us who are suffering this horrible symptom (yes I have it too, and cannot FEEL the love I know I have for my own 4 year old son) Do you remember exactly when you took the meds, what year and what month? Maybe if your unsure you should ask your GP?
damaged by citalopram - severe suffering for 3 years now...no improvement

akathsiia, pgad, dp/dr, terror, and so SO many more daily

severly disabled and lost everything

#80 Iggy131313

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Posted 06 February 2013 - 01:29 PM

Charly doesnt really want to be involved with ssri victims anymore, as Alto said he has moved on with his life now, he did spend many years helping to support ssri victims but at some point he has to move on, but YES he did have severe anhedonia and emotional anaesthia, and his feelings did return to him, but it was the last thing to come, as Alto said earlier in the thread....I think he said something like Its only now (at 6/7 years) that I am becoming whole again and its more than I ever could have expected
damaged by citalopram - severe suffering for 3 years now...no improvement

akathsiia, pgad, dp/dr, terror, and so SO many more daily

severly disabled and lost everything

#81 anhedonia

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 01:19 AM

Charly is available on Facebook.

Be patient, it can take quite a while for the emotional anesthesia to fade. For me, it was about 3 years (I was also experiencing depersonalization for that time).

I know I have to be patient, but it's beyond depressing knowing that time is passing by... I'm about turn 20, yet I never, ever leave my house, because I don't see the point to leave at all... because why bother if you don't enjoy anything, and everything seems pointless, know what I mean? My birthday is coming up, and I don't even want to celebrate it... I'm completely dead inside.

You see, I worry that this will be permanent, because I took this drug when I was 15/16 years old... and even though it wasn't for long, I feel like because I took this drug when I was still developing, that it screwed me up permanently.


Anhedonia, from the posts I have read you are unsure if you took the prozac in 2009 or 2010?

I dont understand how it can be 5 years? even if you took it in Jan 2009 it can only be 4 years? Dont get me wrong, 4 years is too long to feel like this and I really feel for you and all of us who are suffering this horrible symptom (yes I have it too, and cannot FEEL the love I know I have for my own 4 year old son)

Do you remember exactly when you took the meds, what year and what month? Maybe if your unsure you should ask your GP?

It was in 2009, around March I believe... I took it for 4 or 5 months... somewhere between 2.5 mg to 10 mg of Prozac... this is making me so miserable. I'll try to find out exactly how long, and how much I took in a few days.

How long did you take it and how much (mg)? I'm sorry to hear that you and other people are suffering from this HORRIBLE condition.


Charly doesnt really want to be involved with ssri victims anymore, as Alto said he has moved on with his life now, he did spend many years helping to support ssri victims but at some point he has to move on, but YES he did have severe anhedonia and emotional anaesthia, and his feelings did return to him, but it was the last thing to come, as Alto said earlier in the thread....I think he said something like

Its only now (at 6/7 years) that I am becoming whole again and its more than I ever could have expected

I don't blame him at all... I just wanted to know if he experienced this emotional anesthesia/anhedonia... because he mentioned about the horrific physical symptoms he experienced, but nothing about emotions or feelings.

Good to hear that there's some hope left... maybe. I tempted to try stimulants, but at the same time, I honestly don't want to rely on drugs... it feels like it will never end.

#82 Altostrata

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 11:10 AM

This is truly a situation where you have to "fake it until you make it." Get out of the house as a therapeutic effort. Look around you and enjoy what you can. Take photos of anything that you even slightly like or find interesting. Do some walking. All of these things help your brain to re-pattern itself. Put effort into helping it and it will help you.
This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#83 Outshined

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Posted 07 February 2013 - 11:27 AM

While I was on SSRI/SNRI, I didn't care about nothing. Like, literally nothing. I spent all my days playing videogames: it was the only thing that forced me to not think about the unfillable void that I had inside. And that was for more than ten damn years.

As soon I stopped those drugs, emotions come back all at once. Maybe even too strong :) But that's fine. I prefer to be "debilitated" (like I feel I am now after withdrawal) but at least I can feel. I can care.

So, well, there's hope for everyone, that's what I was trying to say. :D
From 2001 to 2010, I took almost continuosly a host of different SSRIs , including Prozac, Celexa and Paxil, plus various benzodiazepines and Bupropion for a limited period of time.

From July 2010 to April 2012 >> Duloxetine, dose ranging from 60mg to 120mg.

From August 2012 to September 2012 >> reinstated 30 mg of Duloxetine

From September 2012 until present days >> Valproic Acid/Sodium Valproate, dose ranging from 300mg to 1000mg. Now I'm on 400mg. I've also taken Amisulpride (50mg) for 9 days and Abilify (10ml) only once.

#84 anhedonia

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Posted 08 February 2013 - 01:55 AM

While I was on SSRI/SNRI, I didn't care about nothing. Like, literally nothing. I spent all my days playing videogames: it was the only thing that forced me to not think about the unfillable void that I had inside. And that was for more than ten damn years.

As soon I stopped those drugs, emotions come back all at once. Maybe even too strong :) But that's fine. I prefer to be "debilitated" (like I feel I am now after withdrawal) but at least I can feel. I can care.

So, well, there's hope for everyone, that's what I was trying to say. :D

Very good to hear you have recovered, but at what age did you start taking these mind altering drugs? I just hope I'm not one of the unlucky one's, because I took it at a very young age... and it hasn't improved a single bit... at all. :(


@ Altostrata - I try... I seriously do... but nothing matters. Everything looks lifeless... I try to go outside and do stuff, go for walks, whatever... but it never helps. That's why I literally feel completely hopeless.

I'm just praying and hoping I can recover, because I honestly won't want to live the rest of my life like this... I'd rather die than live like this for the rest of my life... because what's the point of living if you're completely dead inside?

#85 Outshined

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Posted 08 February 2013 - 08:42 AM

Very good to hear you have recovered, but at what age did you start taking these mind altering drugs? I just hope I'm not one of the unlucky one's, because I took it at a very young age... and it hasn't improved a single bit... at all. :(


I was 18. I took them (for some times, many of them at once) without stopping for more than ten years. They altered me so much that I didn't feel the difference anymore: I thought that it was simply a matter of personality, of character.

Are you still on them or did you completely taper off?
From 2001 to 2010, I took almost continuosly a host of different SSRIs , including Prozac, Celexa and Paxil, plus various benzodiazepines and Bupropion for a limited period of time.

From July 2010 to April 2012 >> Duloxetine, dose ranging from 60mg to 120mg.

From August 2012 to September 2012 >> reinstated 30 mg of Duloxetine

From September 2012 until present days >> Valproic Acid/Sodium Valproate, dose ranging from 300mg to 1000mg. Now I'm on 400mg. I've also taken Amisulpride (50mg) for 9 days and Abilify (10ml) only once.

#86 anhedonia

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Posted 09 February 2013 - 01:50 AM


Very good to hear you have recovered, but at what age did you start taking these mind altering drugs? I just hope I'm not one of the unlucky one's, because I took it at a very young age... and it hasn't improved a single bit... at all. :(


I was 18. I took them (for some times, many of them at once) without stopping for more than ten years. They altered me so much that I didn't feel the difference anymore: I thought that it was simply a matter of personality, of character.

Are you still on them or did you completely taper off?

I stopped taking them cold turkey somewhere around July/August of 2009... I took them around March (2009), I believe. No sign of improvement... I don't think it'll get better. Looks like I'll be living in my room for the next 60 years of my life. -_-

It's 2013, and I haven't recovered... looks like it's permanent... let's be real. Heh, it was awesome to be alive for a very short 15/16 years.

I guess asking to be human again is too much too ask for in this short life...

#87 Joose

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Posted 10 February 2013 - 02:44 AM

Hi I too am going through something similar. It is hard to tell, very hard, but I think I might be a bit better than when it started 2 yeas ago, when I was pregnant. It seems very slow indeed though. There are times (many) when I think i'll never get better but then there are very occasional tiny windows of hope which I really try to hold on to. You might find this thread useful on the depression forums: http://www.depressio...ve-experiences/ It looks like a few people are going to try the anti depressant Parnate to try to combat some of these symptoms (there is a post within this thread about how it can make you feel more). I too am going to try it. It comes with potentially quite serious side effects though, so you have to watch your diet while you are taking it. There is also this article about the potentially numbing effects of anti psychotics that some people might find interesting: http://www.mentalhea...uk.com/acta.pdf I am currently coming off my antipsychotic medication to see if that will help with the numbing. Take care Joose

#88 anhedonia

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Posted 10 February 2013 - 10:48 AM

Hi

I too am going through something similar. It is hard to tell, very hard, but I think I might be a bit better than when it started 2 yeas ago, when I was pregnant. It seems very slow indeed though. There are times (many) when I think i'll never get better but then there are very occasional tiny windows of hope which I really try to hold on to.

You might find this thread useful on the depression forums:

http://www.depressio...ve-experiences/

It looks like a few people are going to try the anti depressant Parnate to try to combat some of these symptoms (there is a post within this thread about how it can make you feel more). I too am going to try it. It comes with potentially quite serious side effects though, so you have to watch your diet while you are taking it.

There is also this article about the potentially numbing effects of anti psychotics that some people might find interesting:

http://www.mentalhea...uk.com/acta.pdf

I am currently coming off my antipsychotic medication to see if that will help with the numbing.

Take care

Joose

When did you start taking anti-psychotics? There's no doubt in my mind that the anti-psychotics could have taken your humanity away from you... I'm 110% sure. I didn't this person very well, but I've seen him a few times... he only took ONE anti-psychotic pill, made him go crazy, and then he said he lost the ability to feel emotions....

It's criminal that these drugs are legal...

If anyone has read this thread "Lost all my humanity, thanks bupropion" this PERFECTLY describes me... it's far worst than not feeling emotions... the guy literally describes what I'm going through... as he said, everything is a non-experience.

I don't want anyone to think I want them to feel sorry (that's stupid, I just want ME back) it's so bad, I don't have the ability to care about getting better... I mean, I literally feel DESTROYED. I honestly can't relate to humans anymore... I can't even have a conversation with someone... I have nothing to say to anyone... literally.

And day-by-day, I'm losing my sanity. Doctors are brainless/clueless... they are the one's who prescribe these soul destroying drugs like they are candy.

I don't know, but if it honestly doesn't get better in the next 2 years, I'll have no choice but to end this living nightmare.... how can life go from what it use to (you know, how every normal human experiences), to THIS RARE FORM OF HELL? Yeah, there's no hope for me.

#89 Iggy131313

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Posted 10 February 2013 - 11:59 AM

Just to let you know that the guy who made that post on the other site, recovered,
damaged by citalopram - severe suffering for 3 years now...no improvement

akathsiia, pgad, dp/dr, terror, and so SO many more daily

severly disabled and lost everything

#90 Altostrata

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Posted 10 February 2013 - 04:14 PM

Hi

I too am going through something similar. It is hard to tell, very hard, but I think I might be a bit better than when it started 2 yeas ago, when I was pregnant. It seems very slow indeed though. There are times (many) when I think i'll never get better but then there are very occasional tiny windows of hope which I really try to hold on to.

You might find this thread useful on the depression forums:

http://www.depressio...ve-experiences/

It looks like a few people are going to try the anti depressant Parnate to try to combat some of these symptoms (there is a post within this thread about how it can make you feel more). I too am going to try it. It comes with potentially quite serious side effects though, so you have to watch your diet while you are taking it.

There is also this article about the potentially numbing effects of anti psychotics that some people might find interesting:

http://www.mentalhea...uk.com/acta.pdf

I am currently coming off my antipsychotic medication to see if that will help with the numbing.

Take care

Joose

Joose, if you're on an antipsychotic, that could indeed cause emotional numbing.

We haven't seen any antidepressant that reliably fixes withdrawal syndrome.

Psychiatric drugs interfere with the factory settings that allow you to grow emotionally. Looking for a magic pill to fix the adverse effects of another magic pill -- that pattern alone is a recipe for continuing disappointment.

If you are tapering off a psychiatric drug, please start a topic for yourself in the Intro forum and introduce yourself to the community.
This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#91 Joose

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 02:37 AM

Anhedonia - I started taking the anti psychotic drugs two years ago. This co-incided with a breakdown. It is therefore difficult for me to know whether it is the breakdown or the anti psychotics which are responsible for my emotional numbing. I guess i'll find out when i'm fully off them. I really don't know what good they have been doing me, that's for sure. Altostrata - I know that it is a huge potential for disappointment, but i'm pretty desperate. Having read lots of reports about how Parnate has made people feel more emotional, I thought I could at least give it a go.

#92 anhedonia

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 06:13 AM

Anhedonia -

I started taking the anti psychotic drugs two years ago. This co-incided with a breakdown. It is therefore difficult for me to know whether it is the breakdown or the anti psychotics which are responsible for my emotional numbing. I guess i'll find out when i'm fully off them.

I really don't know what good they have been doing me, that's for sure.

Altostrata -

I know that it is a huge potential for disappointment, but i'm pretty desperate. Having read lots of reports about how Parnate has made people feel more emotional, I thought I could at least give it a go.

Well, it seems like most people who experience anhedonia is because they've taken a mind altering drug (anti psychotics/anti depressants) etc... no doubt that these "medications" are soul destroying pills... I can't say "for sure" that it's a result of taking anti psychotics... but I believe it is.

Honestly, please taper them off... I hope you recovery from this, because no one deserves to go through this rare form of hell.
---

As for me, I'm not sure what to do anymore... keep waiting while laying down in my bed, try more mind altering drugs, or stop the suffering and just blow my brains out already. I've been living through this hell for 4 years, and it's obvious it doesn't get better. Not a single window of relief.... I've been completely dead since 2009.

For me, it's so bad, that I don't even remember the last time I even showered. I literally feel destroyed... I know I'm being delusional to wait and "hope" that I can recover... but I'm a realist, and in reality, when you get fucked like this, there's no way you'll ever be the same person.

So I'll just lay in bed for the next 60 years, or decide that this suffering is enough, and just blow my brains out.... because I literally have nothing to live for (realistically).

#93 Joose

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 07:11 AM

I am really sorry that things are so bad for you. Only those of us who have been through something similar can truly understand. Are you on any medication?

#94 Outshined

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 07:12 AM

I stopped taking them cold turkey somewhere around July/August of 2009... I took them around March (2009), I believe. No sign of improvement... I don't think it'll get better. Looks like I'll be living in my room for the next 60 years of my life. -_-

It's 2013, and I haven't recovered... looks like it's permanent... let's be real. Heh, it was awesome to be alive for a very short 15/16 years.

I guess asking to be human again is too much too ask for in this short life...

I'm afraid to hear that. I was lucky enough that my emotional numbness disappeared as soon as I stopped. I had quite the contrary reaction, as I said: the emotions sometimes are just uncontrollable and so anxiety, fear and even paranoia chime in.

I didn't tell my story to be pitied, but to show you that if I recovered (and trust me, I'm far from being a strong person, neither physically nor emotionally), anyone can :).

But...There's a huge but. I had an invaluable support from my family and my friends. They literally kept me alive. They pulled me out from my own room despite my conscious efforts to be sealed in. I don't know your personal situation, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that you won't improve an inch if you remain alone. It will become a self-perpetuating circle.
From 2001 to 2010, I took almost continuosly a host of different SSRIs , including Prozac, Celexa and Paxil, plus various benzodiazepines and Bupropion for a limited period of time.

From July 2010 to April 2012 >> Duloxetine, dose ranging from 60mg to 120mg.

From August 2012 to September 2012 >> reinstated 30 mg of Duloxetine

From September 2012 until present days >> Valproic Acid/Sodium Valproate, dose ranging from 300mg to 1000mg. Now I'm on 400mg. I've also taken Amisulpride (50mg) for 9 days and Abilify (10ml) only once.

#95 Joose

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 08:21 AM

Anhedonia I am sorry for asking about medication. I have just looked at your older posts that say that you used to be on some.

#96 anhedonia

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Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:18 PM


I stopped taking them cold turkey somewhere around July/August of 2009... I took them around March (2009), I believe. No sign of improvement... I don't think it'll get better. Looks like I'll be living in my room for the next 60 years of my life. -_-

It's 2013, and I haven't recovered... looks like it's permanent... let's be real. Heh, it was awesome to be alive for a very short 15/16 years.

I guess asking to be human again is too much too ask for in this short life...

I'm afraid to hear that. I was lucky enough that my emotional numbness disappeared as soon as I stopped. I had quite the contrary reaction, as I said: the emotions sometimes are just uncontrollable and so anxiety, fear and even paranoia chime in.

I didn't tell my story to be pitied, but to show you that if I recovered (and trust me, I'm far from being a strong person, neither physically nor emotionally), anyone can :).

But...There's a huge but. I had an invaluable support from my family and my friends. They literally kept me alive. They pulled me out from my own room despite my conscious efforts to be sealed in. I don't know your personal situation, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that you won't improve an inch if you remain alone. It will become a self-perpetuating circle.

You don't understand, I can physically force myself to do things, but I don't see the point of doing anything anymore. I can go outside, and do stuff... but I can't enjoy it... I just can't. Before, I could... but now, I can't, because I'm completely DEAD inside.

It doesn't matter if I'm with people or not... nothing changes, and it honestly doesn't make a difference (I don't mean to come off as being mean, this is not my intention). Actually, if I try to go out... I feel worst psychologically, because I know I'm supposed to enjoy doing stuff... like talking to friends or hanging out with them... but I can't... and I just feel like going home and never go out ever again.

Everything is a non-experience. There's a guy named Devoid on Paxil Progress (type in: "lost all my humanity, thanks bupropion") and he PERFECTLY describes the state I am in. The fact he even did it is BEYOND mind blowing... because I don't have the ability to experience this rare form of hell... I mean, I didn't think it was even possible to explain this living nightmare in words.

Apparently, he recovered by taking thyroid/adrenal supplements... I'm trying Licorice Root right now, but I honestly don't expect anything to happen. I'll be getting a full body ultrasound/MRI this summer, so I'm hoping they can fix me at this point... if that's even possible.

I don't trust American/Canadian doctors at all... pretty much most of them only write prescriptions without solving the problem... they don't use their brains whatsoever... but how can you use your brain when you have none? Most of these doctors are clueless... and I can't believe I trusted one in the first place, but I guess it's too late now.

At this point, I hope I can recover, but it seems like that's not a possibility...


Anhedonia

I am sorry for asking about medication. I have just looked at your older posts that say that you used to be on some.

I took Prozac for 4-5 months... and it was a LOW dose... LOL, what boggles my mind is the fact people take this **** for 2+ years and end up recovering... that's honestly something I don't understand.

But yeah, get off that crap... I hope you recover, I really do... no one deserves to experience this horrific nightmare.
--

Anyways, I hope I don't come off as "poor me, I have it worst" but I think I honestly am. I can't even function... and I'm scared to talk to people... I have social anxiety now (never had this before)... I literally can't make a conversation with someone, because I honestly don't know what to say... my mind is blank.

I think this is something far worst than emotional numbing/anhedonia... I guess you can call it "chemical lobotomy" (which to me, means complete destruction of a person). When I say I'm not human anymore, I really am not.

I don't know about other people, but I don't think recovery is possible for me. Not because I don't want too (because trust me, I would be the happiest person in the world to feel some sort of emotion) but I just don't think it's possible. I'm completely dead inside.

#97 Joose

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Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:52 AM

I'm not religious, but i'll pray for you anyway x

#98 anhedonia

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Posted 13 February 2013 - 07:08 AM

I'm not religious, but i'll pray for you anyway x

I use to be religious, but trust me, if I learned anything going through this living nightmare, there really is no God... only fool's believe in an imaginary man who created the world, lol. With all the terrible things that happen in this world (kids dying of cancer, people dying everyday from starvation) there is no God...

But if there is a small chance that there actually is a "creator", then this "creator" is a sick, and evil piece of ****.

#99 Outshined

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Posted 13 February 2013 - 04:00 PM

You don't understand, I can physically force myself to do things, but I don't see the point of doing anything anymore. I can go outside, and do stuff... but I can't enjoy it... I just can't. Before, I could... but now, I can't, because I'm completely DEAD inside.

It doesn't matter if I'm with people or not... nothing changes, and it honestly doesn't make a difference (I don't mean to come off as being mean, this is not my intention). Actually, if I try to go out... I feel worst psychologically, because I know I'm supposed to enjoy doing stuff... like talking to friends or hanging out with them... but I can't... and I just feel like going home and never go out ever again.

Everything is a non-experience. There's a guy named Devoid on Paxil Progress (type in: "lost all my humanity, thanks bupropion") and he PERFECTLY describes the state I am in. The fact he even did it is BEYOND mind blowing... because I don't have the ability to experience this rare form of hell... I mean, I didn't think it was even possible to explain this living nightmare in words.

Apparently, he recovered by taking thyroid/adrenal supplements... I'm trying Licorice Root right now, but I honestly don't expect anything to happen. I'll be getting a full body ultrasound/MRI this summer, so I'm hoping they can fix me at this point... if that's even possible.

I don't trust American/Canadian doctors at all... pretty much most of them only write prescriptions without solving the problem... they don't use their brains whatsoever... but how can you use your brain when you have none? Most of these doctors are clueless... and I can't believe I trusted one in the first place, but I guess it's too late now.

At this point, I hope I can recover, but it seems like that's not a possibility...


Trust me, I DO understand. I felt the same things that you felt and used the same words that you used to describe them.

You will recover. It will take time (but you're still very young and you have plenty of it) and patience, and a lot of suffering, but eventually you'll wake up one day and you'll know that something has changed, and that you can put everything in perspective.

One thing, though: don't rely on some sort of "magic pill". I sincerely hope that the MRI can be useful to you, but probably it won't be enough in any case. You will still need the effort. Is it sad, frustrating and flat out unfair? You can bet on it. Are you to blame? Not at all. We were all put on this boat against our will and the best that we can do is to row back home.
From 2001 to 2010, I took almost continuosly a host of different SSRIs , including Prozac, Celexa and Paxil, plus various benzodiazepines and Bupropion for a limited period of time.

From July 2010 to April 2012 >> Duloxetine, dose ranging from 60mg to 120mg.

From August 2012 to September 2012 >> reinstated 30 mg of Duloxetine

From September 2012 until present days >> Valproic Acid/Sodium Valproate, dose ranging from 300mg to 1000mg. Now I'm on 400mg. I've also taken Amisulpride (50mg) for 9 days and Abilify (10ml) only once.

#100 Altostrata

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Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:52 AM

I completely understand the feeling of emotional anesthesia and demotivation. It does get better. Be very cautious about interfering with adrenal function. Paradoxically, emotional anesthesia is probably a function of the adrenals working well and producing the anxiety hormone cortisol, like they've been instructed to do by the brain. Most withdrawal symptoms are due to this. The adrenals don't need additional stimulation, and they don't need slowing down -- they govern other very important body functions. It's best to leave them alone. It's possible that fellow recovered from time passing, and the adrenal supplements were coincidental.
This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#101 Barbarannamated

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Posted 18 February 2013 - 12:19 PM

Is painful BOREDOM a flipside of this constellation of symptoms? I don't have any less going on than before discontinuing, but I notice the vacuum FAR more. Difficulty concentrating on TV, books, etc.
Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

#102 Christiana

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 06:59 PM

I feel like my brain has been raped, my soul has been destroyed, and my spirit has been taken away.  

 

I have to literally force myself to get anything done, which is a daily struggle, just to meet my basic needs.

 

It will soon be 4 years, since I've been in protracted withdrawal.

 

I sure wish I knew how to make it go away or at least when it's going to go away.

 

My heart goes out to each and every one that is feeling the same way.

 

It's an absolutely awful way to live!


Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

#103 Altostrata

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Posted 07 June 2013 - 08:13 AM

One foot in front of the other, Christiana. I went through this, too. It does get better.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#104 Finn

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Posted 07 June 2013 - 09:47 AM

Christiana, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please, take care and trust it will get better.


Tapering Zoloft, Dec 2014

Started Lamictal

Re-started Zoloft mid-Oct 2014, 25-50mg

Stopped Zoloft end of Sept 2014

Started Zoloft July 2014, 50mg

Stopped Prozac from 3mg May 2014

Stopped Effexor Dec '13 Started 10mg Prozac

Reinstated Effexor 15mg on Nov 2013

Stopped from 21mg on Oct 2013
Effexor 112.5mg, since Dec 2012


#105 Christiana

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Posted 16 June 2013 - 09:45 PM

Alto - the end of this month will be 4 years since my withdrawal started.  How long did it take for this symptom to improve alot for you? I keep hoping and praying it will resolve for me before too much longer, but I can't even see any light at the end of the tunnel yet.

One foot in front of the other, Christiana. I went through this, too. It does get better.


Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

#106 Christiana

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Posted 16 June 2013 - 09:47 PM

Finn,

 

Thank you.  Did you have this? Or do you still have it? How long have you been in withdrawal? I'll soon be entering my 5th year and I don't have any windows with this yet.

 

Christiana, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please, take care and trust it will get better.


Jun-Jul '09 (approx 7 wks) - 5mg/day Lexapro (drug rep samples) given by family dr for long, unended, very stressful divorce

Each dose taken makes sicker, think it's just body adjusting, have no clue it's severe adverse reaction at time

Aug '09 - pharmacy gets dr rx for, insurance won't pay, I can't afford, dr changes to Celexa, decline to take, cold turkey, necessary blessing in disguise, in hindsight at least

Gradually feel some better over 1-2 wks, 3rd wk horrific withdrawal symptoms start & build, see doctor & start researching internet about what's happening, figure it out, 60-70+ severe, frightening, & debilitating symptoms emerge, realize nothing can do to feel better easily or quickly, feel like & think I'm dying, reach point where doctor gets home healthcare & have to call friend to stay with & take care of, friend abandons about 1 yr & lose home healthcare

1st yr symptoms extremely severe, 2nd yr just somewhat better, now into 3rd yr symptoms don't seem much better, still causing horrible suffering, wax & wane in severity, sometimes almost as severe as when started, practically homebound, mostly bedbound, very hard completing simple tasks, symptoms definitely much worse 7-10 days/mo around menstrual cycle

Have lost vehicle & home, plus loved cat & dog had for long time, was homeless several months last winter, lived out of car, living in undesirable gov't subsidized housing now causing many troubles, have no medical & very little rx insurance, disability check & food stamps aren't enough to provide basic needs, lack any reliable personal support anymore, very isolated & all alone, have many pressing stressful things must be done, can barely or unable to complete without help don't have, even ones to help situation some, don't even have finances to get urgent necessary needed help required to help situation & self, social services is frequently visiting now, fear being polydrugged, losing everything, put into nursing home, hope & pray someone will help to keep from happening, don't know what else to do, still way to sick to return to work & college, believe I will recover, in the meantime tho have no answers except to plead for help, hope & pray someone, anyone, who truly cares does soon

In 32nd mo now still very bad SSRI protracted withdrawal, have only seen few signs of healing since 2nd yr passed, somehow manage to keep fighting, afraid time is running out for best tho & situation only going to get worse trying to survive on own if don't get help from someone

This pretty much summarizes what 49 little round white pills (if I recall correctly) have done to my life & future for now, my before & after life are drastically opposite now, both my situation & self, if only I'd known their potential, a little bit too late now tho huh?.?.?...hindsight really is 20/20 isn't it?.?.?...

I pray God blesses and helps each and every one of us, here and elsewhere, going through this nightmare. Amen, amen, amen.

#107 dazygirl

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Posted 02 July 2013 - 04:31 PM

I see that this is an old post to reply to but I relate completely! I hope I can get part of if not all of my former self and feelings and emotions back. I remember my old self laughing a lot at everything...before depression diagnoses and antidepressants. My life is in stuck mode. I lost an important relationship due to what I think might be a detached feeling from people I supposedly love. Stopped having a drive for life, sense of humor, and no chance of getting excited about anything. Just kind of dead inside. I hate it. and also, a lot of obsessive compulsive thoughts. Thank you for sharing all of you. I see I am not alone. I am tapering off of cymbalta at the moment from 60 to 30, but was prescribed 10 mg. of prozac for the taper temporarily. I wonder how I'll feel when I stop with the prozac. scared. dazygirl


prozac many years

effexor cr a year?

cymbalta 60.mg  2-3 years

cymbalta 30mg. for  9 days. 9th day june 23rd 2013

started fluoxetine 10mg on day 8 of cymbalta 30mg. june 22nd 2013

risperidone 1mg. for 2-3 years

clonazepam 1mg. per day for 2-3 years

alpralozam as needed 1 year


#108 dazygirl

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Posted 02 July 2013 - 04:44 PM

I apologize. This is not an old post I responded to. I don't know how to use the site properly. I'm so sorry that people are suffering so much as we are. I thought I was the only one.


prozac many years

effexor cr a year?

cymbalta 60.mg  2-3 years

cymbalta 30mg. for  9 days. 9th day june 23rd 2013

started fluoxetine 10mg on day 8 of cymbalta 30mg. june 22nd 2013

risperidone 1mg. for 2-3 years

clonazepam 1mg. per day for 2-3 years

alpralozam as needed 1 year