aberdeen

☼ Aberdeen's recovery from Effexor and now a Paxil taper

381 posts in this topic

I have been feeling much better today, I had less morning anxiety and only a few spells of DR. I actually felt close to happiness a few times, as i always do in the few days of my cycle between period and the next round of PMS. I have to vent a bit about teh format here on SA (sorry)...but I hate how fast my journal sinks down...even if i left my journal for a week or more on PP it was still on page 1 or maybe the top of page 2. Is it because there are more people here? I feel pressured to write more in case I lose my journal,lol.

My daughter seems happier about school. She is healing from a cough/cold that must have been adding to it all for her, and Ive been giving her kefir for several days in a row, taking a break for a few days. Whatever it is, Im happy to see her back to her own self, thank God. I will be watching to see what triggers cause the free floating anxiety, should it ever come back. It was so strange and hard to see her being different like that...not her at all.

8 days post drop....time will tell how it continues. I wasnt feeling the best when I dropped, have to remember that for reference.

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I'm so glad to hear you had a better day! I'm also very happy to hear your daughter is feeling better as well.

 

Yes, there are definitely a lot of people here. I think you can follow your own journal if you hit the top right button "Follow this topic." Then when you want to find your journal you can click your name at the very top right and then click "Content I follow" and it will bring up all the threads you're subscribed to.

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Aberdeen that's great about your daughter!  And you feeling 'close to happiness'.   Woot!

 

Your daughter might just be recovering her gut flora.  She's young and healthy and with the kefir etc - it just might be happening fast - whatever - it's good to see an improvement.  :)

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^^ What she said

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I have been feeling much better today, I had less morning anxiety and only a few spells of DR. I actually felt close to happiness a few times, as i always do in the few days of my cycle between period and the next round of PMS. I have to vent a bit about teh format here on SA (sorry)...but I hate how fast my journal sinks down...even if i left my journal for a week or more on PP it was still on page 1 or maybe the top of page 2. Is it because there are more people here? I feel pressured to write more in case I lose my journal,lol.

My daughter seems happier about school. She is healing from a cough/cold that must have been adding to it all for her, and Ive been giving her kefir for several days in a row, taking a break for a few days. Whatever it is, Im happy to see her back to her own self, thank God. I will be watching to see what triggers cause the free floating anxiety, should it ever come back. It was so strange and hard to see her being different like that...not her at all.

8 days post drop....time will tell how it continues. I wasnt feeling the best when I dropped, have to remember that for reference.

Glad you stuck with the kefir instead of trying out different probiotics!!

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I'm so glad to hear you had a better day! I'm also very happy to hear your daughter is feeling better as well.

 

Yes, there are definitely a lot of people here. I think you can follow your own journal if you hit the top right button "Follow this topic." Then when you want to find your journal you can click your name at the very top right and then click "Content I follow" and it will bring up all the threads you're subscribed to.

I learn something new everyday! Lol

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Thanks guys! I started the kefir while she was on them, and gave iit sporadically after but then really ramped it up last week. I don't doubt for a second that it has helped, as well as digging out some school anxiety and making some changes there.

 

So...if I folloow a thread does that mean I get emails everytime its updated? I don't want that.

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Aberdeen - when you click the 'Follow this topic' box, UNclick the 'Receive notification instantly'.  That will stop you getting emails. 

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I'm so glad she's doing better, scary stuff.  Also glad you're back from the Land of DP, that sounds as good as my Island of Anhedonia.

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17 days since my drop. I passed through the 2 week post drop stage fairly unscathed!! I

will definately do my next drop at 5 weeks. I have no idea why some drops are harder...maybe the brain is just on its own schedule playing catch up. I will go down to 1.3mg next. My typical pattern is nearly constant anhedonia (not ambition, no joyful memory reveries, no real desire to persue hobbies and interests, in fact interests dont even come to mind, i dont have the focus or interest to read a book, music has minimal effect, its just a flat place. Not even bad...just flat.) I get about 2 days a month between days 14 and 16 or so, of my monthly cycle, so around ovulation, where this lifts for a short while and it is amazing. in those moments I can clearly see how thick the veil is that covers that part of me. Then there's the hideous anger and resentment that engulfs me for two weeks before my period, where everything is irritating if not enraging. So this pattern is my "norm". In waves, there will be morning anxiety, depression, DR, and fear...always at varying levels and for who knows how long. This last wave was about 3 weeks. Im back to my norm. I have been this way for about 2 years now, once my really bad waves bean to subside. I hope all the time for this anhedonia to leave, i could easily live with the DR waves...but this has to go. For something so subtle, its actually quite pervasive and awful! I aim to be off this drug by fall, and hopefully then I will start to see a bigger change in this.

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And my daughter is 100% back to herself. What she went through was very odd for her, and if she ever has to take an AB again, i will know to watch for that. It would definately seem that getting those probiotics into her really helped!

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Were the probiotics in the kefir?  Did you make the kefir? Or was this a supplement to help her?  I am finishing a round, and struggling, maybe it will help???

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The probiotics are in the kefir, yes. I make it anyway just for the sake of it being full of vitamins and healthy....but did give my daughter a lot of it following her AB course. You can buy kefir in the store (its like yogurt) but I hear the probiotic content is much higher in homemade. To make it yourself you need a "starter"...it looks like a blob of cauliflower and its called "grains" even though its not grainy or made from grain or anything like grain at all,lol. I got my little blob from a woman at a health food store who makes her own kefir. The blob grows slowly, weird I know, so you can toss the extra or give to your pets. Anyway you keep the blob in milk ( a tablespoon sized blob will culture a one cup measure of milk), drain the milk off once a day and put it in a smoothie (or drink it plain if you dont mind that it tastes sour, like sour cream or plain yogurt). Then put a new fresh cup of milk on your blob and set aside for the next day. I definately think it helps, esp after using AB's. i did a lot of reading about depleted gut flora and it can really affect our moods!

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That sounds gross! I realized my Shakeology has pro and prebiotics so I have been trying that. I am intrigued by this blob and may have to visit my health food store too!

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That sounds gross! I realized my Shakeology has pro and prebiotics so I have been trying that. I am intrigued by this blob and may have to visit my health food store too!

Blob - LoL

I don't think you can actually buy your grains (blob) at the store. Aberdeen got hers from a lady who works at the health food store. Just ask around about kefir grains and I bet someone will have some extra. You can also Google it. I know a woman in the USA called Donna Schwenke has a website called cultured food life. She will actually ship her extra grains to you if you live in the USA. read her website too. You can learn all about kefir. A lot of valuable information.

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Yes I shoudl clarify the woman at the health food store grows her own at home, and brought me some extra "blobs": on the side, for free....but ya definately read about this, its pretty neat!

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So< its been just over 4 weeks since my last drop and nothing out of the usual happened. I am now nearing the end of my period and seeing the anger and low feelings improving. I have nothing new to report, anhedonia and PMS...my biggest complaints. I wake up feeling crappy too...DR, or slightly anxious...but nothing huge lately..in over a month now. Keep going. Maybe drop again next week.

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Happy to hear that it's uneventful!  :)

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Sounds good, Aberdeen! You are almost there. :-)

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Hello Aberdeen!

 

I am so glad that your WD is following its course with nothing out of the "ordinary"... I have the PMS too (which I never had before AD withdrawal) starting 10 days before my periods and I just hate it (my boyfriend too  ;) ). I found that doing yoga helps a little bit though. I have an account with some online yoga, so I can do it everyday at home, and choose which one of the hundreds of videos soothes me best for the day without having to go out in the -20 degrees.

 

For your journal, don't worry it won't disappear! :) When you click on your name at the top of the page you can find "my content" and there is your journal!

 

Take care, lots of love and hope your way!

 

Athena xx

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Thanks guys! I am now ready to taper on Tuesday it will have been 5 weeks. Athena I dont envy you tapering two drugs together, but you're doing really well! I am entering my post period stage...where I will have a bit of relief from anhedonia for a day or so, usually a few hours, over several days. This tells me the anhedonia is affected by my hormones, and not sure what, if anything can be done about that. I knowwalking would be nice, but its too cold and snowy and I just want to hibernate. The exact opposite of what I should be doing.

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Hi Aberdeen,

 

Just read your journal and I'm so happy to hear that your last cut has gone well!

 

Sunflower

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Hey Aberdeen,

 

Well I won't say it's a nice and quiet road, but I'll get there one day! ^_^ As we all will. Hope you are enjoying your post period stage, I'm entering my pre-period, with all the fun that comes with! :P

Try not to be too hard on yourself for not going walk outside, it has been such a crazy winter around here! And you're already working so hard!

 

Take care,

 

Athena xx

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There are hormone creams, progesterone etc. You never know....might help.

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Coldturkmama have you ever tried them? I am scared of anything hormonal...!

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me too...scared to try anything that will change my chemistry at all. I am almost a week into my drop to 1.3mg and its going ok, I dont normally feel anxiety and DR until about 2-2.5 weeks after i taper. Im around day 14 of my cycle and feeling pms creep in again...anger, impatience, heavy anhedonia...its getting old. I'm also tired of being cold! I have no desire to be outdoors in this type of cold, standing outside while my dogs play for a few minutes is long enough!!

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Feeling highly irritable and ready to find the negative and explode about everything...with a bit more anxiety in the CNS sense...noise sensitivity. Its not that noises cause me anxiety, they cause a flare of anger. If the dog barks suddenly or the kids are fighting (like they have been all weekend), if my husband yells too loud for me, even the phone and quiet sounds like a dog licking or a tap dripping.....it makes me instantly angry. I need a soundproof room where no one can find me. Its been 13 days since the drop and its usually between 1 and 2 weeks post that i feel it so its likely that plus PMS. Screw it all!!!  :angry:

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Throw a nice case of Cabin Fever on top of it, I can see why you want to hide away.  At least you have identified the pattern so you know it will get better in a few days.  Watch out for the triggers and keep changing the channel.  I've been noticing that here at the lower doses the symptoms are taking longer to resolve themselves, but they finally do and I get to feel better for a few days before I drop again.  Maybe it's time to start planning your garden for this spring, mustangwoman says she has 48 tomato sets started in her house for when the weather breaks.  It would be a way got get your hands dirty.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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I am like this too during the two weeks before my period - add in withdrawal and I am a scary, shrieking mess.  It's best if I can hide away in my bedroom away from everyone, but it's not always possible.  And it always seems like everyone forgets why we are so irritable! Wish we could post a sign on the door warning everyone and be alone until it is over.  Hoping you feel better :-)  Praying you get a respite.  I swear sometimes I am going to murder someone for chewing too loudly, breathing on me when I sleep, or crinkling food wrappers too loudly....

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Guess I'm due to drop again. I had a bad spell this time last year, and the spring break with the kids off was rough on me. I think I'll drop next week, after the break is over instead. I have a long drive coming up, and I feel resentful instead of excited, thats not good. Hopefully I'll feel more into the visit as I go...its a good friend of mine that lives about 6-7 hours driving away and I never see her. I know we'll have fun once there, just dreading the preparations.

Dealing with this long lived anhedonia. I wish I could read a good novel, or get into movies like I used to, pursue my hobbies without forcing myself and then not even enjoying it. Im so tired of this. Why do I get little flickers of a break, only to have the blanket fall over me again. If my brain can do normal...why cant it just stay normal? This is getting old. Otherwise I havent really had too bad of a month. Anger and irritable, anhedonic, but little to no anxiety or depression. Sometimes I feel like I healed and this is it, and that the brain forgot to keep healing the anhedonia and angry stuff. But I want that gone too, I want to be pleasant and capable of warm/real emotions again, on a continual basis, like i was before i ever took these pills. 

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Nice to see your update as it's been a while. Anhedonia sucks! That is a big one for me too, I look outside and see a world that is moving without me. I get those little blips of wanting to do something and then just falls away and gone. I have heard it will go but it is the last to go. Hang in there you're doing great!

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That's how it felt when mine started to break up.  Little bursts of feelings hat lasted a few minutes to a couple of hours, then back into the pit of nothingness.  For me the good times got progressively longer and the bad ones slowly less intense.  Hopefully you can look out the window and watch the scenery during your drive and enjoy it a bit.  I'm so glad you had a good month, I can really see that you're improving from the sounds of your posts.

 

((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

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I hear you on Spring Break.  It's hard even while homeschooling as having no structure with the expectation of sleeping in, lazing around, and relaxing makes my kids into spoiled brats!  Glad you can go visit your friend!  Those times are so precious in withdrawal as it takes so much effort to maintain or seek out friendship.  You are an encouragement to me with your real life situations and even having your little windows like Brassmonkey does.  It can happen and get better.  Enjoy your visit!

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Wow, you are at such a low dose now, that's brilliant!  I am quite envious, I'm still stuck at 3.4mg.  It's funny how the symptoms change in different dose ranges.  As I've got lower it's been more depression rather than the anxiety I had previously.  So I think the anhedonia you've been experiencing will be just another phase like that, which will pass eventually.  I'm finding the same thing as you - when I have something I have to do I feel a sense of dread and nervousness beforehand, but once I get started I'm okay, and afterwards I wonder why I felt so bad before.  I've suffered with a lot of hormonal stuff too, and found vitex capsules really helped.  I stopped taking them for a while but restarted them recently when all the weird tearfulness, etc. came back in force.  Of course, individual responses to supplements vary.

 

BTW, to see your own threads, i.e. the ones you started, click on My Content, and then on the left click on Only Topics.  This should make it much easier to find your journal.

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Thanks guys! Songbird i had a phase where my wd symptoms were more depression than anxiety also, in fact that was last year around now, and i was just dipping below 4mg at that stage. Perhaps you are right.

The trip went well, I did manage to enjoy it and the level of wd I was at, which was quite tolerable stayed level for the trip and afterwards also! I was able to enjoy the visit more than last year, I think the anhedonia is slightly milder nowadays, but always present. I have faith it will pass.

I dropped to 1.2mg on the 23rd of march, with very few side effects so far. Getting there!

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Great job Aberdeen, you sound like you may be turning the corner with the anhedonia.

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