jonnyb347 Losing my mind

[jonnyb347]

xanax on and off for a year, then hit bad interdose withdrawals, thought I was dying. learned about benzos and then crossed over to valium at 25mg. 1 1/2 year taper, ending at 1mg. 1 month clean now but just took 4mg last night, and 1 mg klonopin 2 weeks ago. can't deal with the side effects righ tnow, psychosis, insomnia, memory loss, suicidal, depression, anxiety.

 

trying to find a doctor to get back on valium and do a slower taper. my doc won't give me valium anymore and wants to put me on celexa.

 

my life is falling apart and if i can't find a doc to help me and reinstate valium and do a slower taper i dunno.

 

not being able to work, no money, no insurance. basically they don't care about you.

 

I have anemia, 115lbs, bowels have stopped working right, can't eat much food without a reaction. my girlfriend is going to leave me soon, i'm tired.

 

i've called doctors and the benzo doctors listed, none of them even do benzo tapers, i dunno why people keep posting it.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, jonnyb.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

Yes, that benzo list is very old, but it's the only thing available. We've been trying to compile a current list of cognizant doctors, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/988-recommended-doctors-therapists-or-clinics/

 

There are several in Oregon, but Stuart Shipko in Pasadena, CA has the most expertise with benzos.

[bruno2016]

xanax on and off for a year, then hit bad interdose withdrawals, thought I was dying. learned about benzos and then crossed over to valium at 25mg. 1 1/2 year taper, ending at 1mg. 1 month clean now but just took 4mg last night, and 1 mg klonopin 2 weeks ago. can't deal with the side effects righ tnow, psychosis, insomnia, memory loss, suicidal, depression, anxiety.

 

trying to find a doctor to get back on valium and do a slower taper. my doc won't give me valium anymore and wants to put me on celexa.

 

my life is falling apart and if i can't find a doc to help me and reinstate valium and do a slower taper i dunno.

 

not being able to work, no money, no insurance. basically they don't care about you.

 

I have anemia, 115lbs, bowels have stopped working right, can't eat much food without a reaction. my girlfriend is going to leave me soon, i'm tired.

 

i've called doctors and the benzo doctors listed, none of them even do benzo tapers, i dunno why people keep posting it.

 

 

hang in there. I know benzos can be very hard to get off of. How did you feel before you ever started benzos?

[jonnyb347]

 

xanax on and off for a year, then hit bad interdose withdrawals, thought I was dying. learned about benzos and then crossed over to valium at 25mg. 1 1/2 year taper, ending at 1mg. 1 month clean now but just took 4mg last night, and 1 mg klonopin 2 weeks ago. can't deal with the side effects righ tnow, psychosis, insomnia, memory loss, suicidal, depression, anxiety.

 

trying to find a doctor to get back on valium and do a slower taper. my doc won't give me valium anymore and wants to put me on celexa.

 

my life is falling apart and if i can't find a doc to help me and reinstate valium and do a slower taper i dunno.

 

not being able to work, no money, no insurance. basically they don't care about you.

 

I have anemia, 115lbs, bowels have stopped working right, can't eat much food without a reaction. my girlfriend is going to leave me soon, i'm tired.

 

i've called doctors and the benzo doctors listed, none of them even do benzo tapers, i dunno why people keep posting it.

 

 

hang in there. I know benzos can be very hard to get off of. How did you feel before you ever started benzos?

 

I've had anxiety and depression since i was 16 probably, on and off. I used to drink A LOT. After some bad panic attacks they gave me xanax, i hated pills so only took it maybe once every few months. I got sick in april of 2010, diareahh, puking, stomach/abdominal pain. then the anxiety attacks started, took xanax more often, anxiety got worse, more xanax, interdose withdrawals, lost my mind, then valium saved me. i went back to work, i was me again for about a year, once i dropped below 10mg i was back in hell. I took 4mg last night but thats my first dose in about a month or so. I'm never sure if its the benzos, or my candida/parasites underlying medical problems.

 

too sick to work, so no insurance, so i stay sick....yay america!

[Skyler]

I've had anxiety and depression since i was 16 probably, on and off. I used to drink A LOT. After some bad panic attacks they gave me xanax, i hated pills so only took it maybe once every few months. I got sick in april of 2010, diareahh, puking, stomach/abdominal pain. then the anxiety attacks started, took xanax more often, anxiety got worse, more xanax, interdose withdrawals, lost my mind, then valium saved me. i went back to work, i was me again for about a year, once i dropped below 10mg i was back in hell. I took 4mg last night but thats my first dose in about a month or so. I'm never sure if its the benzos, or my candida/parasites underlying medical problems.

 

too sick to work, so no insurance, so i stay sick....yay america!

Hi jonny and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you are having such a dreadful time. Did the withdrawal symptoms seem better after you took klonopin which was closer to the end of your taper, or diazepam yesterday? A lot of people cannot updose benzos when they have been tapering. You were able to do this okay? We have a forum that is for benzo issues, but maybe it would be better for you to stay here for a bit, sort some things out before we go that route, K?

 

There are a fair number of resources in the Portland area.. not so much for benzos, but I'm wondering if you might be able to contact someone who is an activist with drug issues there and get a lead. There is a Facebook page you might want to check out.. BenzoBeware. The owner lives in Portland. She has also been on this site, so you should be able to contact her, but best to try the facebook page first. No promises, but it's worth a shot.

[jonnyb347]

I blacked out when I took the klonopin....I didn't know I can't up dose us it not safe for me?

 

With the Valium I just felt it deep like in my bones but felt it wasn't enough. Felt that sleepiness and tiredness course through my body.

 

I'll look up that Facebook page. My PC dies so I'm using my phone now

 

I dunno what to do about reinstating or how to do that

[Skyler]

learned about benzos and then crossed over to valium at 25mg. 1 1/2 year taper, ending at 1mg. 1 month clean now but just took 4mg last night, and 1 mg klonopin 2 weeks ago. can't deal with the side effects righ tnow, psychosis, insomnia, memory loss, suicidal, depression, anxiety.

 

trying to find a doctor to get back on valium and do a slower taper. my doc won't give me valium anymore and wants to put me on celexa.

 

my life is falling apart and if i can't find a doc to help me and reinstate valium and do a slower taper i dunno.

 

I have anemia, 115lbs, bowels have stopped working right, can't eat much food without a reaction.

 

I blacked out when I took the klonopin....I didn't know I can't up dose us it not safe for me?

 

With the Valium I just felt it deep like in my bones but felt it wasn't enough. Felt that sleepiness and tiredness course through my body.

 

I'll look up that Facebook page. My PC dies so I'm using my phone now

 

I dunno what to do about reinstating or how to do that

You jumped off diazepam at a high dose. I've been tapering from that level for a year. Where did you learn about tapering benzos? I thought you had been on a forum, you taught yourself about cross tapering? How did you decide at what dose to jump off?

 

Reinstating benzos after a month is something of a crap shoot and you are sitting right on the line. That said, were I you, I'd reinstate at 2 mgs. diazepam (don't take klonopin, that dose is much to high for where you are now) and see how you feel. Do you have enough diazepam to last until you find another doc, or do you think the doc you see now would give you a script even though he is resistant? There is no point in reinstating if you are going to run out again in a month or so. Your weight seems to be very low (height?) and I would not think the doc would want you to lose more.

 

Would you open a thread on the benzo sub forum to discuss this further? Thanks

[jonnyb347]

I posted in that sub