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Deep despair, dread, doom, horror


Barbarannamated

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Thanks, West. This could be the hardest day ive had on three months. The apathy, jesus...ur tellin me.

Put on Paxil 20mg for anxiety in 1998. Crapped out fall of 2005. Taken off cold turkey by my Dr.Put on Effexor xr 150mg within a week. Crapped out summer 2012.  Dosage was upped to 225mg.  Symptoms worsened.  Quit smoking and started a slow taper at 10% every 4-5 weeks or so.  At around 25mg started developing ocd like symptoms(intrusive thoughts mainly)Slowed taper down.  Symptoms remain.  Got down to 2mg and quit the Effexor.  I was fine for a few weeks and was hit with a wall of symptoms. (I had started tapering my benzo at this point not knowing I shoulda waited much longer) I then hit with a wall of WD symptoms.  Debilitated.  Reinstated December 30th, 10 beads.  Felt really messed up.  Dropped to 5 beads.  Remaining until stable.

Started Klonopin 1mg once a day during my taper. Summer 2014. (At this time I was at 25mg Effexor) Dropped to .75mg of Klonopin for 3 weeks. Wd symptoms worsened. Klonopin is back to 0.5mg twice daily. Waited for a month and made the mistake of starting a slow taper(what I thought was slow) at 6.25 percent for one week but had insane nightmares. It was too early to try and taper.  I went back to .5mg twice daily but seem to be having interdose wd. Symptoms are Sleep disturbances, depression and weird chest pains. Working my way to .25 mg spread evenly 4 times a day. Gonna stabilize and start a taper after 6 months er so.

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I hate this! I am used to it by now but I hate seeing people have to join this stupid, invisible club. Your sig mentions that you stopped smoking during all this. I actually started again, but now vape nicotine rather than combusting it. I have a powerful habit, and use a nicotine patch as well as vaping. It is the strongest addiction known to science, but I wonder if it might give you some relief. I feel crazy for even saying that, but any port in a storm. Just yell at me if it seems appropriate to yell.

2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:

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WC, guess what?

 

I switched to vaping 5-6 years ago and now I am down to zero nicotine since last summer. And I am hardly using it at all anymore. So some stuff really gets better. I don't really know why I dropped the nic but I did but there were times in wd when I went through a whole lot of liquid. It was just easier to vape it without the nic for some reason.

 

DE, I've had lots of days that were the worst. Have no idea how I managed to survive them.

 

I might go to the library and check out a lot of books. Not that I am going to read them, I don't understand why I cannot read right now. But I can't. Or maybe I'll sit there for a couple of hours and read magazines. Why does that seem like such a hard thing to do?

 

I have lost the thread of being me, I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know if we all go through this. While I don't want to go back to having to claw my way from one moment to the next like last year was, at least it filled up a whole day. I don't dare think about the future.

 

It sure was nice talking to both of you here. I don't have anyone to talk to in real life.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Cymbie, message me any time and I will do the same. Reading did return for me; in fact, i would say that it is the greatest triumph of all, though I did nothing to bring it about and don't mention it often. I guess I have said elsewhere that I started with light humor such as Free Country by George Mahood, and old Mary Lasswell books about funny old ladies who live together and do crazy stuff. But for a lomg time I would look at the first page of a book and blank out. I guess magazines are a good start, though for some reason I don't enjoy Elle as I used to. One friend recommends checking cracked.com (humor) before going to bed every night!

2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:

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Read nearly article on cracked, (love d*ck humor, I'm bad) plus their forums. Cake wrecks, photoshop disasters, bored panda, salon, slate, wired. Vanity Fair back issues, whatever I could sneak from the New Yorker. Last year when I thought I was recovered? Every episode of Air Crash Investigation and Mayday (I know why planes have the designation 'heavy'). I want to be normal and read books again.

 

I'll consider myself recovered when I can relax. I can't ever say I am relaxed. My mind is in a constant whirlwind of angry black bees attacking me. I had even got back into beading again for a bit. I have no idea why I cannot do it again but I can't, can't even look at them. I posted some pictures of the rings I made, somewhere in my thread. I keep thinking I'll make them and take them to the church thrift store. I did that with a bunch of old beads I had but I was a bit put off because they sold them too cheaply. I'll suggest the price next time, I think.

 

How weird, though. Today I thought about a beaded angel I made years ago. It took days and days of painstaking work. Can't remember but I think I gave it away. For a brief second I had an urge to get the beads out. The urge was gone in a flash. It is really that weird. When you have nothing going on in your life you tend to notice every little thing, this self absorption is sick and I hate it. But I still keep having this feeling if I can just define what is going on and what I want my life to look like, that I can get it to go there. But I can't tune the picture in clear enough. that is why I think it is still the effect of the drugs. Not enough upregulated receptors.

 

Sure, message any time and I'll message you too.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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DE, just wanted to chime in again and let you know that it can and will get better, but it takes a long time.  We totally sympathize with how bad you are feeling as we have been there.  Just focus on stabilizing and trying to wait out the worst of it.  Treat each symptom as it comes up as you can.  Nausea = motion sickness meds/Seabands, anxiety=meditation, etc.

 

It totally feels like you are losing your mind and nobody outside of this group believes you.  I am 500% worse off now than life before antidepressant.

1998- Began taking 20 mg. of Paxil for homesickness 2001-CT and crash/hospitalized 1 week for anxiety. Tried quitting, changing to other ADs, gave up. 2014 -Weaned @ 10% every 4 weeks. Latest 5-14 11.7 mg., 6-14 10.5 mg., 8-21 9.5 mg., 9-17 7.7 mg.,10-14 6.9 mg., 11-14 6.2 mg., 12-14 5.6 mg., 1-15 5.0 mg. 2-15 4.5 mg. (miscalculated may actually be 3.3), up-dosed to 3.7 3-17-15. Hydroxyzine HCl 25 mg. as needed (antihistamine) for anxiety.

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You guys made my day and night. This day has been extreme to say the least but u guys put a smile on my face and lately thats rare....i smile but its not real. So ty all for that and thanks for the support.

Put on Paxil 20mg for anxiety in 1998. Crapped out fall of 2005. Taken off cold turkey by my Dr.Put on Effexor xr 150mg within a week. Crapped out summer 2012.  Dosage was upped to 225mg.  Symptoms worsened.  Quit smoking and started a slow taper at 10% every 4-5 weeks or so.  At around 25mg started developing ocd like symptoms(intrusive thoughts mainly)Slowed taper down.  Symptoms remain.  Got down to 2mg and quit the Effexor.  I was fine for a few weeks and was hit with a wall of symptoms. (I had started tapering my benzo at this point not knowing I shoulda waited much longer) I then hit with a wall of WD symptoms.  Debilitated.  Reinstated December 30th, 10 beads.  Felt really messed up.  Dropped to 5 beads.  Remaining until stable.

Started Klonopin 1mg once a day during my taper. Summer 2014. (At this time I was at 25mg Effexor) Dropped to .75mg of Klonopin for 3 weeks. Wd symptoms worsened. Klonopin is back to 0.5mg twice daily. Waited for a month and made the mistake of starting a slow taper(what I thought was slow) at 6.25 percent for one week but had insane nightmares. It was too early to try and taper.  I went back to .5mg twice daily but seem to be having interdose wd. Symptoms are Sleep disturbances, depression and weird chest pains. Working my way to .25 mg spread evenly 4 times a day. Gonna stabilize and start a taper after 6 months er so.

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Im glad we all talked today. All of us. Anytime u guys wanna chat im down. Id give u guys a huge hug if i wasnt half way across the world ;) haha.

Put on Paxil 20mg for anxiety in 1998. Crapped out fall of 2005. Taken off cold turkey by my Dr.Put on Effexor xr 150mg within a week. Crapped out summer 2012.  Dosage was upped to 225mg.  Symptoms worsened.  Quit smoking and started a slow taper at 10% every 4-5 weeks or so.  At around 25mg started developing ocd like symptoms(intrusive thoughts mainly)Slowed taper down.  Symptoms remain.  Got down to 2mg and quit the Effexor.  I was fine for a few weeks and was hit with a wall of symptoms. (I had started tapering my benzo at this point not knowing I shoulda waited much longer) I then hit with a wall of WD symptoms.  Debilitated.  Reinstated December 30th, 10 beads.  Felt really messed up.  Dropped to 5 beads.  Remaining until stable.

Started Klonopin 1mg once a day during my taper. Summer 2014. (At this time I was at 25mg Effexor) Dropped to .75mg of Klonopin for 3 weeks. Wd symptoms worsened. Klonopin is back to 0.5mg twice daily. Waited for a month and made the mistake of starting a slow taper(what I thought was slow) at 6.25 percent for one week but had insane nightmares. It was too early to try and taper.  I went back to .5mg twice daily but seem to be having interdose wd. Symptoms are Sleep disturbances, depression and weird chest pains. Working my way to .25 mg spread evenly 4 times a day. Gonna stabilize and start a taper after 6 months er so.

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Yay for this thread!

 

Cymbalta, once again, you could be me. I do not relax. I used to have a kind of seizure if I even tried to lie down and let my muscles all relax. I always feel alert, like a meerkat. The thought of getting sleepy and wanting going to bed is like the thought of riding on Saturn's rings next week. My new routine is to essentially stay in bed, blurring the lines between night and day and trying not to worry about it.

 

I am being driven nuts by something similar to your beads, sewing and silkscreening. My brain wants to do it but there is no way to make myself. I love the feeling of having made a nice thing--it is a genuine reward. And i think I even like doing the work. I just cannot will myself to do it. Typing, reading, errands, and videos are about it for me.

 

Drum, I hope tomorrow is better for you.

 

AlaskaMom, that was a nice post, and 500% sounds right. Depression would be a luxury right now, like a favorite old quilt.

2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:

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I wish it was just regular depression. Riding on the rings of Saturn sounds about right.

Put on Paxil 20mg for anxiety in 1998. Crapped out fall of 2005. Taken off cold turkey by my Dr.Put on Effexor xr 150mg within a week. Crapped out summer 2012.  Dosage was upped to 225mg.  Symptoms worsened.  Quit smoking and started a slow taper at 10% every 4-5 weeks or so.  At around 25mg started developing ocd like symptoms(intrusive thoughts mainly)Slowed taper down.  Symptoms remain.  Got down to 2mg and quit the Effexor.  I was fine for a few weeks and was hit with a wall of symptoms. (I had started tapering my benzo at this point not knowing I shoulda waited much longer) I then hit with a wall of WD symptoms.  Debilitated.  Reinstated December 30th, 10 beads.  Felt really messed up.  Dropped to 5 beads.  Remaining until stable.

Started Klonopin 1mg once a day during my taper. Summer 2014. (At this time I was at 25mg Effexor) Dropped to .75mg of Klonopin for 3 weeks. Wd symptoms worsened. Klonopin is back to 0.5mg twice daily. Waited for a month and made the mistake of starting a slow taper(what I thought was slow) at 6.25 percent for one week but had insane nightmares. It was too early to try and taper.  I went back to .5mg twice daily but seem to be having interdose wd. Symptoms are Sleep disturbances, depression and weird chest pains. Working my way to .25 mg spread evenly 4 times a day. Gonna stabilize and start a taper after 6 months er so.

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Oh yes, regular depression would be welcome right about now. I read somewhere that 'regular' depression is time limited and usually resolves in 6 months. Have no idea if that is true. But this depression as a result of antidepressant drugs is not the same thing. Not the same thing at all.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Its been insane how we live in a separate world it seems. Normal things that never bothered us do, depression is not depression in our world. So many lil things, big things too that affect us in the most messed up way. Today i bought my first Tibetan singing bowl. Ive been meditating a lot and started using one in mindfulness with my therapist. He suggested when waking with the dread to force myself out of bed and go meditate instantly. So i did. I took today off and went on a search as well. Found a nice bowl in the key of B. I find the low notes really help with finding a peacefulness. I used it tonight but its tough trying to focus on my breathing and use the bowl at the same time. The morning meditation helped me and today, randomly, has been one of my better days. How are you guys doin?

Put on Paxil 20mg for anxiety in 1998. Crapped out fall of 2005. Taken off cold turkey by my Dr.Put on Effexor xr 150mg within a week. Crapped out summer 2012.  Dosage was upped to 225mg.  Symptoms worsened.  Quit smoking and started a slow taper at 10% every 4-5 weeks or so.  At around 25mg started developing ocd like symptoms(intrusive thoughts mainly)Slowed taper down.  Symptoms remain.  Got down to 2mg and quit the Effexor.  I was fine for a few weeks and was hit with a wall of symptoms. (I had started tapering my benzo at this point not knowing I shoulda waited much longer) I then hit with a wall of WD symptoms.  Debilitated.  Reinstated December 30th, 10 beads.  Felt really messed up.  Dropped to 5 beads.  Remaining until stable.

Started Klonopin 1mg once a day during my taper. Summer 2014. (At this time I was at 25mg Effexor) Dropped to .75mg of Klonopin for 3 weeks. Wd symptoms worsened. Klonopin is back to 0.5mg twice daily. Waited for a month and made the mistake of starting a slow taper(what I thought was slow) at 6.25 percent for one week but had insane nightmares. It was too early to try and taper.  I went back to .5mg twice daily but seem to be having interdose wd. Symptoms are Sleep disturbances, depression and weird chest pains. Working my way to .25 mg spread evenly 4 times a day. Gonna stabilize and start a taper after 6 months er so.

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I don't know what the world is like that the rest of you are living in but where I am at is pretty bad. I think I am going to give up trying to explain it anymore.

 

There is no joy in anything. That is the piece that is missing. And I keep feeling oh so guilty because I am convinced it is my fault. That if I would just push hard enough it will come back. But I won't push because I am convinced it will do no good. And it goes around and around, all day long like this. My mind id constantly trying to find something to look forward to , something that would bring joy. I can't turn it off, it just does this all day by itself.

 

I'm done trying.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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I've discovered CW, that dairy makes me depressed..I wonder if it dietary related for you..just a thought..but I sooo relate..I long for the day when I can just go about my day not dragged down with sadness and depressed..

 

I read what you wrote wc about riding on saturns rings..good description of the horror and surreality of WD depression..urgh..

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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Thanks LL but if it is dairy then so be it. I have never had a problem with dairy and I am not going to stop using it now. I can't get any worse than I am now and I do not believe this will go away if I cut out certain foods. This a different hell than last year's. How many more can there be? I don't doubt that living this way, with no hope and no joy and no help from anywhere (because drugs just aren't an option anymore) is a reason why some give up and throw in the towel. When there is no hope, there is no hope. And something in me thinks I should be able to do something about this and I am not doing it.

 

I am no better than the other doom sayers who sometimes post here. I wanted to be better but I am not. So I am getting what I deserve. No one can convince me otherwise.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Yes, I'm feeling pretty hopeless myself and cannot see out..it's awful, isn't it?

 

How do you mean you deserve it?

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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What was your year like after ad before WD hit?

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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I can agree with how u feel, cym. I dont feel the joy or excitement i used to. I might get a taste here or there but its short lived. I lay in bed paralyzed daily. The only thing indo and it takes everything in me is go to work. I think if i didnt id be finished. Even tho im crawling out of my skin when im there. Dont give up. You have a log of people who give a **** about u and know it will get better and I'm one of them. Honestly I think about u daily. Its a disaster to go through this. I dread every single day but i know its inevitable that things have to change. If u need to talk lemme know. Take it easy on urself. Ur gonna be ok. Stay strong cym.

Put on Paxil 20mg for anxiety in 1998. Crapped out fall of 2005. Taken off cold turkey by my Dr.Put on Effexor xr 150mg within a week. Crapped out summer 2012.  Dosage was upped to 225mg.  Symptoms worsened.  Quit smoking and started a slow taper at 10% every 4-5 weeks or so.  At around 25mg started developing ocd like symptoms(intrusive thoughts mainly)Slowed taper down.  Symptoms remain.  Got down to 2mg and quit the Effexor.  I was fine for a few weeks and was hit with a wall of symptoms. (I had started tapering my benzo at this point not knowing I shoulda waited much longer) I then hit with a wall of WD symptoms.  Debilitated.  Reinstated December 30th, 10 beads.  Felt really messed up.  Dropped to 5 beads.  Remaining until stable.

Started Klonopin 1mg once a day during my taper. Summer 2014. (At this time I was at 25mg Effexor) Dropped to .75mg of Klonopin for 3 weeks. Wd symptoms worsened. Klonopin is back to 0.5mg twice daily. Waited for a month and made the mistake of starting a slow taper(what I thought was slow) at 6.25 percent for one week but had insane nightmares. It was too early to try and taper.  I went back to .5mg twice daily but seem to be having interdose wd. Symptoms are Sleep disturbances, depression and weird chest pains. Working my way to .25 mg spread evenly 4 times a day. Gonna stabilize and start a taper after 6 months er so.

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  • 3 months later...

When I cut the Flupentixo dose in half in April I had a symptom that's very difficult to describe. It freaked me out so much and I wanted to go to the hospital, it was so bad.

 

It was the worst feeling in the world. I've never had it before withdrawal. A feeling of internal doom, dread, terror and horror without any logical reason. It was as if my soul is in hell and being tortured. Like being tortured psychologically, emotionally and your soul being in the worst possible condition. I found it unendurable. I have dealt with insane amounts of depression and anxiety in my life, but this felt unendurable and beyond what any human can bear.

 

I'm scared to start tapering in fear of it happening again to me. 

 

Has anyone else experienced this and do you know what it is and how to deal with it?

I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.
Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.
Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.
Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.
Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.
December - things getting even worse.

January - unbearable suffering

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This is a fairly common symptom, especially if you make a 50% drop like you did.  If you do a proper slow taper you shouldn't have trouble with it.  I'm not saying it won't happen again, but with a slow taper it should be a lot easier on you.  And now that you have been through something that bad, you'll know how to handle it and know that it is just a temporary thing and it will go away.  I would like to point out that in April you experienced the "unendurable"  and yet here it is the middle of June and you're still around to ask questions.  So you have "endured" the "unendurable".  I am not trying to down play what you went through, but instead point out that you survived something horrific.  So even if the symptoms are horrific you can make it through.  It is not a good idea to use certain phrases or words like "unendurable" when you think about what you're going through.  This builds a negative mindset and makes everything seem worse than it actually is.  Fear is one of our worst enemies.  I was scared to death when I started my taper.  I had visions of myself sitting in a chair rubbing a worry stone saying over and over "it's only WD, it's only WD".  But it never happened. I felt different from my first drop, and a lot of it was really, really unpleasant, but it did get better, and with time it turned great.  Your brain and your body want to survive, put your trust in them and let them do their job.  Besides you have already endured the unendurable.

 

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Thank you brass

 

You're right. I endured. When I updosed it slowly went away and I don't have it right now. I will taper slowly and hopefully it won't be as bad this time around.

I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.
Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.
Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.
Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.
Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.
December - things getting even worse.

January - unbearable suffering

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When I cut the Flupentixo dose in half in April I had a symptom that's very difficult to describe. It freaked me out so much and I wanted to go to the hospital, it was so bad.

 

It was the worst feeling in the world. I've never had it before withdrawal. A feeling of internal doom, dread, terror and horror without any logical reason. It was as if my soul is in hell and being tortured. Like being tortured psychologically, emotionally and your soul being in the worst possible condition. I found it unendurable. I have dealt with insane amounts of depression and anxiety in my life, but this felt unendurable and beyond what any human can bear.

 

I'm scared to start tapering in fear of it happening again to me. 

 

Has anyone else experienced this and do you know what it is and how to deal with it?

 

I think I sort of understand, it's a symptom associated with depersonalization/derealization or something.  I've totally recovered from that, it took many months, but I did more or less recover. 

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  • 1 year later...
  • Mentor

I have found this one simple thing that helps when I start to have feelings of doom and gloom creep in:

 

I look up! seriously. it is that simple.

 

i feel like I read a study about this online, some time ago, that looking up does indeed combat depressed feelings, but what happened was that I noticed that the longer I am looking down, for any reason (like when I"m sewing) the more dark feelings start to accumulate,

 

so i take breaks to look up.

when I am out walking, instead of always looking at the ground, I will force myself to look up and around.

i have a degree of agoraphobia so this is not always easy for me, that's why i say I force myself to do it.

 

I hope this little tidbit helps someone

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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That's great catnapt! 

 

It took me a few seconds to understand what you wrote,  "Huh, what? <pause> <thinking> Ohhhhhhhh, actually looking up. Shifting where my eyes are looking to something at a higher elevation, higher than my head."

 

Sometimes language expressions are a pain-in-the-behind.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Thanks for sharing Cat. Sometimes the simplest things have so much value .  I like the phrase - " LOOK UP ".  Simple yet elegant.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Did a bit of googling and found this:  happiness-is-looking-up

 

Green font is my emphasis.  TED talk is interesting.

 

"We are what we do

 

Although it might seem an over-simplistic and unrealistic idea, science supports the idea that we can change how we feel by first changing our body language. Embodied cognition is the idea that not only does our mind influence our body, but our body also influences our mind. There is some very interesting research that shows we can increase our feeling of power by simply adopting recognized “power poses“ to influence our brain chemicals as explained in this TED talk by one of the study’s researchers Amy Cuddy."

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • 4 months later...

Hi everyone ,im wondering does anybody else feel the same feelings as myself .

I get this feeling of grief and impending doom in the pit of my chest around my heart. It lasts for days at a time .I had an emotional spiral on Sunday ,I'm wondering if it connected to that .I also can feel my heart skipping a beat at times during this.

 

Im also wondering if its connected to  deep emotional purging coming out from my past but I never get to that point of deep crying and the relief in my system that comes after that, probably cause I'm still on 37.5 venlafaxine I'm thinking.  

 

I'm not overly concerned but I am stuck in a spiral that doesn't seem to let up ,its been happening on and off for months .

 

Any input would be greatly appreciated .

Thanks 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Hi powerback,

The sensations and feelings you describe are quite common as part of withdrawal, but also in people still on medication when the nervous system has become sensitized.

 

Personally I was dealing with these feelings daily, for a long time while I was in the earlier stages of recovery. Now I experience a very mild version of it for a few hours every morning.

 

I also wonder if these extreme emotions are what we have repressed in the past, and are now being released, as you say, like a purging process. I hope this is what's happening because I don't like the idea of walking around the the rest of my life with all this dark, heavy energy trapped inside me. So I'm quite happy to go through this if it means I will eventually be free from it.

 

Here is our other related topic with lots of discussion about extreme emotions during withdrawal: Neuro emotions

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Hi powerback,

The sensations and feelings you describe are quite common as part of withdrawal, but also in people still on medication when the nervous system has become sensitized.

 

Personally I was dealing with these feelings daily, for a long time while I was in the earlier stages of recovery. Now I experience a very mild version of it for a few hours every morning.

 

I also wonder if these extreme emotions are what we have repressed in the past, and are now being released, as you say, like a purging process. I hope this is what's happening because I don't like the idea of walking around the the rest of my life with all this dark, heavy energy trapped inside me. So I'm quite happy to go through this if it means I will eventually be free from it.

 

Here is our other related topic with lots of discussion about extreme emotions during withdrawal: Neuro emotions

HI pentunia thanks for your reply. Repressed emotions must be a factor .

I pushed my self exercising after I wrote that post and it totally relieved it  by 70% I reckon ,I usually exercise every day but for 3 days I didn't do much and I wonder if it builds in my system if not relieved like a pressure valve .

Take care

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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  • 3 months later...

I don’t know what to do. Nobody on here is helping me. I am now off everything but trazadone. I retried prozac and it made me hyper and crazy on a small dose. I’m afraid to take anything because they are all doing that to me. I am supposing I should retry effexor. 

The psychiatrist just wants me to keep trying different drugs. I know if I go to a hospital they will make me very sick. I’ve had it. And my morning anxiety is horrendous. 

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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I feel like I’ve been dumped by the moderators of this group. I get no response. I upped by trazadone last night.My eye is twitching. I’d love to get rid of the trazadone, but now I know I can’t. I’m up to 100 mg. I am afraid to use effexor. I know it will do the same thing. I used 5 beads previously and it made me hyper. My hyperactive reactions to prozac has scared the crap out of me. I never acted like this before. I actually threw my wedding ring down at the ymca and lost it. I tried to punch my husband. I acted like a classically crazy person. 

 

I am so bitter toward the psychiatric community that did this to me in the first place. I’m 67. I was getting along all right until 6 months ago. If I just dump the trazadone what is going to happen to me? I know I can’t do it. 

 

Now, I’m afraid to go back to the psychiatrist. She wants to give me Seroquel. This site has made me feel like I have no options. I can’t go to a psychiatrist because they will overdrug me. I can’t stop the medications because I will have the bad reactions. 

 

There have been several people who have tried to help. But I’m afraid there’s nothing anyone can do. 

 

2001 Remeron , Celexa, prozac a week on lithium. 

2014 went off effexor and trazadone in 3 weeks. 

2014 zoloft (hyper reaction) put on effexor 75 mg. Was stable until 2017 

2017  Trazadone 50 mg (June) Effexor to 113 mg (2 weeks) Effexor 150 mg for a month . Took 75 mg until November. . Lithium 10 days, Lamactil 10 day  aug-nov15 ativan

October : Prozac bridge to get off 75 mg of effexor Used 10 mg of prozac. Stopped prozac 3 wk 

Dec 6, 7 Upped trazadone from 50 to 100 mg Did it for 3 days Stopped it

Dec 7 , Dec 8 Took prozac again 0.1 , 0.1, 0.6 stopped it

Dec 11 and Dec 12 upped it to 100 again

Dec 15 , 16,17 went back to 50 mg of trazadone

December 18 Began 3 beads of effexor  Dec 25 began 5 beads of effexor take 10 mg of omneprazole daily

 

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  • 1 year later...

The symptom that troubles me most is one I don't hear people mention much.  It's a pervasive, non-stop sense of existential doom and dread.  I've had it for three years and it gets worse the lower in my AD dose that I go.  I also had it when I tapered a benzo. I'm tapering Cymbalta very, very slowly but this symptom as well as akathisia, sleep inversion (unable to sleep at night...only in the day), depersonalization and derealization are unremitting.  I've never had a window and these symptoms are so severe that I'm not able to socialize at all and have to stay isolated because of it.  

 

I've not found anything that helps with any of these symptoms.  Does anyone else have this unceasing existential doom and dread?  It's worse when I'm in bed as I lie awake for hours before falling asleep and then sleep only 1 or 2 hours at a time.  When I wake up, I have the immediate doom and dread and sometimes I wonder how long I can keep on like this as it gets only worse despite a very, very slow taper.   I often feel like I'm going insane because of it.  

 

2016-Aug-Prescribed 2 mg Ativan & 10 mg Ambien; Oct-c/o from 20 mg Lexapro to 60 mg Cymbalta; Nov-Dec-Tapered off 10 mg Ambien    

2017-Jan-Feb c/o from 1.75 mg Ativan to 13 mg Valium & begin daily liquid micro taper; May-taper Cymbalta 60 mg to 48 mg with severe withdrawals.  Begin 11 month Cymbalta hold.

2018-Jan 11 completed Valium taper; Apr-Resume Cymbalta taper.  Interval dose progress: Apr 43 mg; May 40 mg; Jul 35 mg; Sep 29 mg; Dec 21 mg; 

2019- Apr 14 mg; Jun 11 mg; Aug 9 mg; Oct 7 mg; Nov 6 mg

2020-Jan 5.2 mg; Feb 4.8 mg; Mar 4.3 mg; Apr 3.9 mg; May 3.5 mg; Jun 3.3 mg; Jul 2.9 mg; Aug 2.7 mg; 28 Sep 2.4 mg/12 beads; 25 Oct 2.2 mg/11 beads; 22 Nov 2.0 mg/10 beads; 20 Dec 1.8 mg/9 beads

2021- 17 Jan 1.6 mg/8 beads; 14 Feb 1.4 mg/7 beads; 18 Mar 1.2 mg/6 beads; 18 Apr 1.0 mg/5 beads; 16 May

0.8 mg/4 beads; 13 Jun 0.6 mg/3 beads; 11 Jul 0.5 mg/2 beads; 8 Aug .03 mg/1 bead; 5 Sep 0 mg.

Brutal, agonizing, slow 4.5 year Cymbalta taper completed as of 5 Sep 2021.  100% psych drug free.  

 

 

 

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Hello, I don't get windows either and I also get that doom and dread. It feels like it's doomsday every second of the day. It has an evil vibe to it. It must be mental akathisia. hope it lessons for you soon! 

Gemma92's signature(now Gem92) (added in by mod mmt 4/23/22)

90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD drug for a few months CT 2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. 
4/22/22- 6.3mg (Tapering between 2 and 3% every 2 weeks). 11/27/2022- 5.4mg 
1/8/23- 5.25mg 1/30/23-5.2mg 2/22/23-5.15mg 3/10/23-5.1mg 4/4/23-5.05mg 4/16/23-5mg

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17 minutes ago, Gemma92 said:

Hello, I don't get windows either and I also get that doom and dread. It feels like it's doomsday every second of the day. It has an evil vibe to it. It must be mental akathisia. hope it lessons for you soon! 

Yes, it's demonic....that's the only way I know how to describe it...it's not of this world.  I'm so sorry you have it, too.  I don't expect it to change for me anytime soon as I've had it for so long and it's getting worse the lower in dose I get.  I'm jealous of people who experience the "windows and waves" process.....I wouldn't know a window if it hit me in the face.  

 

2016-Aug-Prescribed 2 mg Ativan & 10 mg Ambien; Oct-c/o from 20 mg Lexapro to 60 mg Cymbalta; Nov-Dec-Tapered off 10 mg Ambien    

2017-Jan-Feb c/o from 1.75 mg Ativan to 13 mg Valium & begin daily liquid micro taper; May-taper Cymbalta 60 mg to 48 mg with severe withdrawals.  Begin 11 month Cymbalta hold.

2018-Jan 11 completed Valium taper; Apr-Resume Cymbalta taper.  Interval dose progress: Apr 43 mg; May 40 mg; Jul 35 mg; Sep 29 mg; Dec 21 mg; 

2019- Apr 14 mg; Jun 11 mg; Aug 9 mg; Oct 7 mg; Nov 6 mg

2020-Jan 5.2 mg; Feb 4.8 mg; Mar 4.3 mg; Apr 3.9 mg; May 3.5 mg; Jun 3.3 mg; Jul 2.9 mg; Aug 2.7 mg; 28 Sep 2.4 mg/12 beads; 25 Oct 2.2 mg/11 beads; 22 Nov 2.0 mg/10 beads; 20 Dec 1.8 mg/9 beads

2021- 17 Jan 1.6 mg/8 beads; 14 Feb 1.4 mg/7 beads; 18 Mar 1.2 mg/6 beads; 18 Apr 1.0 mg/5 beads; 16 May

0.8 mg/4 beads; 13 Jun 0.6 mg/3 beads; 11 Jul 0.5 mg/2 beads; 8 Aug .03 mg/1 bead; 5 Sep 0 mg.

Brutal, agonizing, slow 4.5 year Cymbalta taper completed as of 5 Sep 2021.  100% psych drug free.  

 

 

 

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3 minutes ago, gardenlady said:

Yes, it's demonic....that's the only way I know how to describe it...it's not of this world.  I'm so sorry you have it, too.  I don't expect it to change for me anytime soon as I've had it for so long and it's getting worse the lower in dose I get.  I'm jealous of people who experience the "windows and waves" process.....I wouldn't know a window if it hit me in the face.  

Yeah, that's the best way to describe it! It's awful!

 

I get jealous too when other people experience windows. I hope we get ours soon! 🙏

Gemma92's signature(now Gem92) (added in by mod mmt 4/23/22)

90s and 2008:Prozac for a year

2016:ADHD drug for a few months CT 2017:Right thyroid removed. 

May-June 2018: Lexapro 10-20mg. July 4th 2018 Lex CT and took Penicillin, Z-pack.

August 2018: 3rd antibiotic and Effexor for 5 days CT. 

September 2018: Lexapro 5mg (CT after month) Ativan 1-.5mg(CT after 2 weeks) and Hydroxyine 50mg (2 weeks) SEVERE REACTIONS AND SEVERE WITHDRAWAL

October 2018: Ashwahganda 2 weeks, Probiotics 2 weeks. Mirt 15mg 6 days CT Oct- Nov 2018: gaba gummies, cbd oil, magnesium. December 2018: Mirt 7.5mg, 15mg, 30mg, Zyprexa 2.5mg, 5mg for 1 week back to 2.5mg. 4th antibiotic used. Hydroxyine. Jan 2019: Mirtazapine 26.5mg. Different brands used when hospitalized. Hydroxyine.

Feb 2019: Mirtazapine 22.5mg, 15mg. Zyprexa 2.5mg CT. Prozac 1 pill, Trazadone 4 pills, Hydroxyine few pills, INJECTED with steroids, antibiotics and pain killers for 2 days. Took high doses of benadryl a few times, few more pain killers

June 2019: Mirt 14.5mg-13.5mg Sept 2019: 13mg, 12mg, sep 25th 11 mg. 
4/22/22- 6.3mg (Tapering between 2 and 3% every 2 weeks). 11/27/2022- 5.4mg 
1/8/23- 5.25mg 1/30/23-5.2mg 2/22/23-5.15mg 3/10/23-5.1mg 4/4/23-5.05mg 4/16/23-5mg

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I am mostly recovered but had the doom feeling and akathisia, both are now long gone. Feel for you both!

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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