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(Long past) trauma might seriously exacerbate your complaints


hippopotamus

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and with the internet support via skype etc is a very real possibility..still it's very hard to find appropriate people and not everyone can afford it either... we all do the best we can...I give info freely so that people can decide what they need...I don't pretend to know what is appropriate for anyone but myself. and professionals shouldn't either. (that said I was once upon a time a professional)

Hi Gia,

Could you please talk a little more about what type of therapy might be more harmful than good while going through withdrawal.  Lately I find that seeing my therapist, just stirs up old painful memories and triggers intense emotions which may just be neuro-emotions. I'm not really sure what to tell her. I told her about the concept of neuro-emotion yesterday, and she talked to me about the fact that I might have to go back on meds, especially if there's evidence of illness prior to meds.  My nervous system is so beat-up that while I need my therapist's support, I don't want to keep agitating my nerves and making things worse for me.   

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Lilu,

 

There are some therapists that argue revisiting old traumas in detail can be counterproductive.  For example, Babette Rothschild argues that PTSD is a problem of memory in that your nervous system doesnt remember that the traumatic event is in the past, is over, is not a threat in the here and now.  With this failure of memory, our nervous system reacts as if the danger is still immanent and is easily triggered into defense mechanisms of fight, flight, freeze.  Engaging the details brings the past into the here and now and as such further cements the memory problem.  The message we have to give our nervous system is that the trauma is over.  She says we should develop an epilogue.  Here are a short video of the epilogue idea.  It is covered in her book 8 keys to safe trauma recovery. 

 

http://8keys.webs.com/apps/videos/videos/show/16231105-key-2-1-you-made-it

 

I actually think that withdrawal can create physiological reactions and bodily sensations that themselves trigger trauma responses on the part of the nervous system -  so withdrawal triggers trauma which stresses our nervous system which further triggers a trauma respose etc .... so there is a dynamic reaction/feedback loop between withdrawal and a bodily memory/response to past trauma.

 

When that happens you are exhausted from withdrawal insomnia and wired from your trauma related state of hypervigilence. 

 

I don't have evidence for this in the form of research studies.   This is where I have got to in trying to make sense of my own experience.   I have managed to work past this point by engaging with trauma with a counsellor I trust, who doesn't push me to relive stuff, making sense of it through my own reading, doing an epilogue and reminding myself its over.

 

I only engage very difficult material when I think its safe and necessary to do so.  

 

Hope this helps

 

D

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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  • 5 months later...

*continuance of my story of my emergence out of trauma* By now, I dont need the cd anymore to get in touch with traumatic stuff. Somehow my mind and body have learned how to connect to traumatic stuff if there is some stuff that needs to be processed and somehow they have also learned how to do this without terrible anxiety coming along with it. But I dont know if I would have developed this ability without the use of the cd. I think I used the cd somewhere about 40 times.. Also, if I hadnt been giving tools in hand to start to work through my trauma's on my own, I think therapy would have lasted endlessly. Having had a traumatized childhood, there's just an incredible amount of **** that needs to be dealt with. Working through the trauma's really is a journey towards myself, towards the unburdened, free and beautiful person I was always meant to be. Every time I go through some stuff and integrate it, it feels like *I* am expanding. I regain parts of myself.... I regain the ability, the room, to be spontaneous, to experience child-like joy, to be immersed in feelings of wonder. I regain playfulness, laughter, connection and love. This is one of the greatest gifts I could have ever been given.

 

Hi Hippo, I see this is an older topic, but it was mentioned in another topic I was reading so I came to have a look. Do you have the name of that CD you refer to? I was curious to know more about it. Obviously it was very helpful to you. I recently had my very own trauma release experience and it was quite liberating. Just came about as if my psyche took over much like a pimple coming to a head. No counseling, no prior reading of this forum, but when I came upon this topic, I went "ah HA!" I realized I had gotten in touch with a hot spot and connected it with my present reactions. A couple childhood experiences came to my recall and provided good insight as to why I respond the way I do in certain situations. I'm excited! It was a big step, more than I can convey with words. 

 

You mentioned above in post #37 " Every time I go through some stuff and integrate it, it feels like *I* am expanding. I regain parts of myself.... I regain the ability, the room, to be spontaneous, to experience child-like joy, to be immersed in feelings of wonder. I regain playfulness, laughter, connection and love. This is one of the greatest gifts I could have ever been given. "

 

That really resonated with me, and was what I felt after my recent moment of truth. The couple days following it were characterized by a calm which had been full of unabated anxiety and fear, so I know it was a real release and time of growth. New neurons being formed! So thanks for starting this topic.

Read my intro here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7569-chia1214-tapering-lamotrigine-maybe-clonazapam-later/#entry110043

1975 Hospitalized and first exposure to psych. drugs age 13-15 Haldol, Tofranil, Cogentin, Thorazine. On and off numerous AD’s & AP’s no records until 2000

2000 Celexa, Clonazepam 1mg – never exceeded 1 mg except occasional emergency use

2004 Lamictal (Lamotrigine), Effexor, recall add-on trials of Lexapro, Prozac, Wellbutrin during this time also

2007 Lithium added, switch Effexor to Pristiq, still on Lamictal (Lamotrigine) Clonazepam. Some cold turkey quits of everything over the years. No knowledge of WD

2011 Lithuim Gabapentin Lunestra, Lamictal (Lamotrigine), Clonazepam

2012 Taken off all but Lamictal (Lamotrigine), Clonazepam, began Zyprexa

2013 Abilify replaced Zyprexa (high lipids) added Wellbutrin, Prozac, Adderall

2014 Discontinued Abilify, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Adderall, added Latuda, Quetiapine, then stopped those.

December 2014 Found SA Began slow taper of the only remaining two drugs I'm taking

Clonazepam 0 mg Benzo free as of May 30, 2017

Lamotrigine 0 mg as of Jan 7, 2018   

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  • 3 months later...

I can really relate to the vicious circle of trauma exacerbating withdrawal that impacts on trauma ...Trust seems to be a key way out of this. I struggle to trust. I struggle to trust that my trauma is in the past, that I can place my wellbeing in the hands of others,and that I won't some day decide to give up on life, How do you build trust in yourself and your capacity to trust others?

I feel the exact same way. I couldn't have articulated it any better. Trust scares the living crap out of me. I've never had anyone that I could trust completely.... And I don't even know how to start.

 

The most hurtful thing is that this has negatively affected my faith, which is the one thing I know can help me without harm. I can't even trust God because I don't know how to even let Him love me.

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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