☼ Hello. mammaP checking in!

[calithebold]

I agree with mattinsmom. From what you are describing, that sounds like one hell of a few traumas from where I am sitting. For me, the traumas that I have that I know of, I need to deal with in talk therapy. Are you in any kind of therapy at all? If not, is there anyone you could talk to about some of this stuff? I think if it were me, I wouldn't feel like sleeping a wink, even if I really wanted to. Thinking of you!

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Hi mammaP,

 

I am interested in finding more about how you feel about sleep - are you actually reliving past traumas when you attempt to sleep or do you just feel that your inability to fall and stay asleep is due to past trauma surrounding sleep?

 

Last night on NatGeo was a whole program about sleep. I had half an ear tuned to it, wish I had paid better attention. Turns out sleep is more important than I ever realized. Anyway, I had a few thoughts based on what you wrote, not that I have any solutions but a few thoughts on what you might do. I am reading a website right now (too early to tell if it is any good or not) about sleep, I'll let you know if I find anything good. But for now, I am curious: are you feeling like you are afraid to fall asleep? Like you mentioned, that maybe your 'brain' is afraid based on past history but you (as the rational person) aren't?

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

The site I am reading is this: http://www.sleepdisordersguide.com/

 

and it is very interesting. I have started on the topics in the right hand menu.

[clarabella79]

Hi mammaP,

 

Just to let you know I'm thinking of you. I've only read about 25% of this thread so far, but I'm in awe of your strength and resilience in the face of all the things you've been through. You're an inspiration  x

[mammaP]

I agree with mattinsmom. From what you are describing, that sounds like one hell of a few traumas from where I am sitting. For me, the traumas that I have that I know of, I need to deal with in talk therapy. Are you in any kind of therapy at all? If not, is there anyone you could talk to about some of this stuff? I think if it were me, I wouldn't feel like sleeping a wink, even if I really wanted to. Thinking of you!

 

Hi mammaP,

 

Just to let you know I'm thinking of you. I've only read about 25% of this thread so far, but I'm in awe of your strength and resilience in the face of all the things you've been through. You're an inspiration  x

 

Hi mammaP,

 

I am interested in finding more about how you feel about sleep - are you actually reliving past traumas when you attempt to sleep or do you just feel that your inability to fall and stay asleep is due to past trauma surrounding sleep?

 

Last night on NatGeo was a whole program about sleep. I had half an ear tuned to it, wish I had paid better attention. Turns out sleep is more important than I ever realized. Anyway, I had a few thoughts based on what you wrote, not that I have any solutions but a few thoughts on what you might do. I am reading a website right now (too early to tell if it is any good or not) about sleep, I'll let you know if I find anything good. But for now, I am curious: are you feeling like you are afraid to fall asleep? Like you mentioned, that maybe your 'brain' is afraid based on past history but you (as the rational person) aren't?

 

I"m sorry it is cruddy to be you today. Lack of sleep and the weather are two of my worst antagonists.

 

I think your PTSD theory holds a lot of weight. Your conscious mind might logically understand that you are not in danger but your subconscious will still carry the memories and the chemicals (my opinion, not science) until everything is processed and released. I am quite sure you have a bunch going on under the surface. Plus, dreaming is one of the ways that we make order of our lives. No sleep= no dreams=no order.

 

Hang in there. I know you know this, but this is temporary. You'll have another upswing. A window will open.  

Thank you all for your comments and hugs, they mean a lot 

 

To try and explain what I suspect with PTSD, it is right to say that I am not afraid to sleep NOW, I can go to bed and relax 

feeling secure but years ago I was crippled with fear, not just anxiety but real full blown fear. The slightest sound meant

someone was breaking in. I went to bed with weapons, silly things like a pot of pepper to throw at someone. I didn't sleep

until dawn was breaking in summer, in winter it was worse. As soon as darkness fell I was terrified. I wasn't scared of the

dark as such and would have the lights off, I was scared of people. 23 years ago we moved into the county and lived on a

farm. I lived on farms for 20 years and the fear left me, but can't remember when, it must have been gradual. I live in a little

village now, in the countryside and I still feel secure but the slightest thing seems to wake me up. I have periods of complete

insomnia when I just can't fall asleep for days on end but I'm not scared, it is pure insomnia.  Sometimes I get periods when

I can go to sleep ok but don't stay asleep, the slightest thing and I'm awake then can't get off again for hours. I don't feel fear

when I wake up, just wake up, sometimes with a start but I soon realise that there is nothing there. I just wonder if my brain

is still on hyper alert even though I am not, and I don't know how I would deal with that. There is a thread from beyond meds

that made me think of it.  

 

I've had therapy and then more therapy and yet more therapy but not specifically about sleeping. I've been on a sleep restriction

programme but never got to more than 3 hours, then started tapering and the doctor said to wait until I had stabilised before trying

that again. Last night I had an hours sleep, I am at my daughter's and the little one woke me up, I couldn't get back off to sleep and

was awake all night after that. The 2 previous nights I hadn't slept at all so I am feeling pretty gross right now! 

 

My daughter isn't well so I am staying to help out a bit.  She quit her AD again and is in withdrawal.  She isn't accepting that though,

right now it is everyones fault, mine included, it's my fault because I got her to take a small dose when she had reinstated and the

dose was too high and she felt sick. She reduced it and was fine for a while then quit because she was happier than she had been for a

long time. I had to back off and let her get on with it.

 I knew what would happen, but prayed she would get away with it. She hasn't got away with it and is in a state. I don't know how it is

going to go, whether she will reinstate again, or even if it will help, all bets are off now, this is the third time  

 

Today she was suicidal and hubby was upset, she thought about going to the hospital.  I sit here and support people here, but people are here

because they brought themselves here and want help. I've given her links to everything, and she has seen the difference in me but she doesn't

seem to get it and I can't force it. All I can do is sit here and wait for the waves, hoping that she wont go for more meds.  This is like deja vu,

watching myself 20 years ago, when I first went on and off paxil. Many many more drugs, suicide attempts and despair followed and I am 

terrified she is going to end up in the same situation.  She is saying things that I see here every day, the same feelings that our members

are feeling but they are here and we can tell them it will pass.  I don't feel that great myself right now but will stay as long as she needs me.

[Frustrated]

Wow you sure have alot on your plate right now. I have a son on Seroquel and it is causing issues with swollen glands in his throat. There is also a small growth on his thyroid. He is only 14 but he knows the drugs are not good and are causing him problems. He has also put on alot Of weight. I have explained to him that to take him down to 25 mg from 50 will have to be done during the course of a year so he doesn't suffer like I have been. He seems ok with that because he sees what I go through but I haven't started his taper because I cannot seem to get myself together and I wasn't sure if I could deal with any extra stuff right now. I have switched him from the xr to regular Seroquel though. I feel for you. It is hard to deal with our own withdrawls and having a suffering child on top is extra hard. Good luck. My thoughts are with you. Hope she finds healing, you as well.

[LoveandLight]

My thoughts are with you too Mammap, your daughter is sure lucky to have you. And thank you for all the kindness and support on here <3

[simon]

Hi mammaP

I wondered if you could help me resolve a conundrum that keeps bugging me.

When I first came on the forum in September you very kindly replied with some advice; I had gone through a too fast taper of Citalopram and crashed, but during the short 4 weeks off that drug I got a very extreme infection that caused the 2 remaining drugs (lithium and Mirt) to completely wash through my system.

 You said you once had a similar problem.

Do you think (from what you might have gleaned from this forum over the years) that 5 days sudden CT in effect could have been enough in itself to de-stabilise my CNS? My GP,and psyche for that matter, both said that it would have had an effect, but only for a couple of weeks, as I would have got back on it 5 days later. But I have little faith in such judgements.

Im only really interested in this because im now in a position to begin a very slow taper, and im starting with Lithium.

Ive reached a place of stability (after 3 long months) and am looking forward to taking some first tentative steps.

Simon

[mammaP]

Another sleepless night last night and I am feeling really ill with  exhaustion.  I feel like it's the rock bottom that I reach 

and should start sleeping again for short bursts. Hopefully anyway but I remember saying that a few days ago and it

hasn't happened yet. My daughter seems much better today and I noticed that she has taken her AD, but at the full

dose. Hopefully she will be ok, but I've decided not to say anything else about them. I've told her everything I know, 

and last time she asked me what to do then did different so there is no point. I understand why, she has her in laws 

all telling her she needs to go back on and hubby thinks she is bi polar (windows and waves). He can't understand

why she is suicidal one day and ok the next and who can blame him? 

I explained a lot to him and he seemed to understand it, hopefully he does anyway. I am gong to leave my copy of

anatomy of an epidemic next time I am here so they can read it and maybe understand more.  Understanding what

is going on makes such a huge difference to coping with it! 

It is so hard seeing her go through this, all of them, because it affects everyone. I love her so much and don't want

her to suffer for years how I did, and don't want her children suffering because of it like she did when I went through

it. 

 

Now I am going to go to bed and see if sleep comes tonight, I hope so. Goodnight everyone who is going to bed, and 

good morning for those just starting their day. 

[simon]

Hello mammaP

I wasn't sure whether to reply to you in your thread or mine, but thought youre more likely to see it this way.

Thankyou  so much for taking the time and responding to my two questions. Also for doing a search and finding the David Heally articles.

Ive been reading them and of course they don't make pleasant reading! But I suspected that, though Id never considered the possibility that even off the SSRIs, youre still at some degree of risk.

Actually, events may have overtaken things here, as, my daughter seems to be on the point of losing the pregnancy; something has gone amiss anyway and could be natures way of saying no, not this time. Shes only at about 8 weeks I think.

I notice from your above post that you too have family concerns and I hope they resolve for you in time. Its quite hard to give this sort of advice to kids I find, as the reaction can be a little hostile and in my case, as ive only really come across the problems of ADs recently, it may seem to family that 'hes just off on one' as if it were a new craze.

Hope you had a good nights sleep.

Simon

[mammaP]

Hello mammaP

I wasn't sure whether to reply to you in your thread or mine, but thought youre more likely to see it this way.

Thankyou  so much for taking the time and responding to my two questions. Also for doing a search and finding the David Heally articles.

Ive been reading them and of course they don't make pleasant reading! But I suspected that, though Id never considered the possibility that even off the SSRIs, youre still at some degree of risk.

Actually, events may have overtaken things here, as, my daughter seems to be on the point of losing the pregnancy; something has gone amiss anyway and could be natures way of saying no, not this time. Shes only at about 8 weeks I think.

I notice from your above post that you too have family concerns and I hope they resolve for you in time. Its quite hard to give this sort of advice to kids I find, as the reaction can be a little hostile and in my case, as ive only really come across the problems of ADs recently, it may seem to family that 'hes just off on one' as if it were a new craze.

Hope you had a good nights sleep.

Simon

Sorry to hear that Simon, I hope she is ok and didn't lose the baby. My family generally understand about ADs now but it

took them a long time to get it. My daugher got it too a few months ago and asked me what to do, then did as I suggested

and reinstated a small dose then felt better and stabilised. Then she quit again and now will not listen to me. She has

reinstated but at quite a high dose and is suffering the side effects,but at least the withdrawal is a lot better.Hopefully she will be ok. 

I am at home again and hopefully she will call me if she needs me. 

 

I'm feeling pretty rough now, but thankfully slept some last night and napped this afternoon, maybe this will be my 'sleepy time'

when I sleep in bursts of 2 hours day and night, constantly exhausted. It seems to me pattern of recovery, terrible insomnia, followed

by a period of sleeping day and night for a few days before stabilising.  I am feeling dizzy and nauseous, hot then cold. It is 

strange how it seems to go in cycles but at least I can recognise what is happening and know that it is passing, hopefully it

will not be long before I am stable again. 

[tgirl]

Hello Mamap,

How are you doing?

How many beads are you down too?

Sorry to hear about your daughter. You are such a good mom!

Hope you catch some zzzzs tonight!

Thinking of you,

Tgirl

[Meimeiquest]

Oh, MammaP, just caught up on you. What a dramatic life! I am so, so sorry for all the troubles.

 

I answered your questions to the extent of my limited knowledge on the inositol thread.

 

Something that was prescribed for me, you might think about. The Mensah people "believe" in adrenal fatigue to the extent that stress places great demands on the adrenals and they need support. Surely with trauma, pain, and insomnia your adrenals are working hard. Anyway, they put me on vitamin C 1000mg twice daily with meals. For what it's worth. But I am not as sensitive to "stuff" as you are.

 

My mom has had both hips replaced. Had a severe problem with the first, but she is still very glad she did it.

 

I have a daughter who experienced trauma as a baby. It definitely continues to have an effect even as years go by. My heart goes out to you in every way!

[mammaP]

Thanks Meime, I'll look into the inositol and vit c.   I need to take a step back from here for a while,

hopefully not long, but there are things I need to focus on in real life. Hopefully it will not be for long

and I'll be back, I'm not very good at juggling and I've been thrown more balls to juggle than I can

handle right now!  Take care, x

[btdt]

MammaP my heart goes out to you and I know your hands are full just now please take good care of you. 

 

I was reading your sleep pattern and it rang a bell as being very much like what I have with sleep starting with prozac quitting then on effexor quitting... I still have hit and miss times even now that are just like that.  Then I have calm times I always try to find the thing I did to throw my sleep off so I can avoid it but sometimes there is nothing to find or there is something I am reacting to that I don't know about yet. 

There are some who believe that antidepressant drugs cause PTSD all on their own rather than fixing it they are causing it... makes one wonder about all the soldiers coming home with PTSD when they are taking the drugs in the field to keep going under bad circumstances. 

I just thought I would add this as I watched a show on it last wk and how new ways of treating the PTSD are being developed that do not involve drugs.  One group are getting service dogs trained to help them somehow.  

One more thing I would like to say about your daughter sorry she is on these drugs firstly but more importantly when you were saying you did not want to repeat yourself to her about things you had told her... my first thought was how I could not keep information in my head when I was taking antidepressants... it ran out like a stream of water over a hill... more like a water fall it may well be she can't recall what you said to her. I wonder if some point form cheat sheet would be helpful for her...if indeed this is the case. 

I would hate to have you silenced if she needs to hear from you and understand how you don't want to say too much too... however with the risks as high as they are finding out for sure that she still recalls what you said may be important. It is just a thought in my head which may or may not have anything relating to reality I will leave it with you to decide. 

I hope things settle down soon... I wish you and yours peace. 

[Wildflower0214]

Thanks Meime, I'll look into the inositol and vit c. I need to take a step back from here for a while,

hopefully not long, but there are things I need to focus on in real life. Hopefully it will not be for long

and I'll be back, I'm not very good at juggling and I've been thrown more balls to juggle than I can

handle right now! Take care, x

Take care of you. I admire your positivity.

Handling life events in the midst of this is not easy by any means. Peace.

[Petunia]

Thinking of you MammaP, hope things have improved some.  ((hugs))

[EternalOptimist]

Thinking of you MamaP, sending good luck and hoping you're managing your trials and tribulations more smoothly.

[Athena]

Sending you winds of hope MammaP.

I hope both you and your daugther are feeling better, and that you can get some good sleep.

 

Take care,

 

Athena

[btdt]

Checking in hope your well.. no rush back take your time 

peace

[mammaP]

Thank you everyone, I'm feeling much better now. I was in quite a wave and even considered updosing again.

It was about 6 weeks since I dropped to 2 beads and 4 of them have been in a wave. Not a desperate nasty wave 

but it was hard, the insomnia was terrible but I knew it would pass if I could just hang on. The stress took it's 

toll and my daughter was quite ill for a time. I was worried sick because she was so bad with withdrawal and was

suicidal.  Sadly she and hubby don't get that it was withdrawal because it was 3 months after quitting, which means it

is relapse ( bang head wall ! ) They now believe that she has bipolar and reinstating the drug has helped.  I don't know how 

to get through to them but will have to find a way. I have 'anatomy of an epidemic' and will have to try and get them to

read it.  My niece was critically ill too and in intensive care after she stopped taking meds for Addisons disease. She had

an addisonian crisis and it was very worrying. I was trying to support my sister and also my best friend is going through

some major stuff and also suffering with effects from meds and withdrawal, and trying to support her too. 

 

Thankfully I started to get a couple of hours sleep and began to feel better. I had a slight accident at the weekend while

looking after my little grandsons, I stood on a toy car and twisted my bad hip, reached out to greb something and wrenched my

already arthritic shoulder! Both are very sore now and going into spasms but that is nothing, at least my head feels better!

It is strange because I was feeling so low, flat, exhausted, unmotivated and generally yukky. I couldn't imagine any future 

other than this awful groundhog day and wondered what was the point. This was for weeks before the traumas with family.

On Sunday it literally felt like the cloud was breaking up, I could almost feel it happening. I read my thread in success stories

and remembered how I felt when I wrote it. Its not a complete success story but a 'nearly there' one. It seemed like such a long

time ago and I wondered if I would ever feel like that again. Today has been a window day, wide open window. My daughter took

me out for lunch and we mooched around the shops. When I came home I started to smash old cracked china plates to make a

mosaic table top. Only a small table but I can hardly believe that I actually did it, or even felt like doing it. Now I have to find more

old plates to smash because there isn't anywhere near enough to finish the project. I have lots of pretty plates but I couldn't bring

myself to smash up perfectly good ones so need to find some broken ones from somewhere, maybe the charity shops will have

some hidden away. 

 

I had my little grandsons at the weekend for a sleepover and they were a tonic, they always make my heart smile. The 5 year old

and I had this conversation.........

B.... Grandma do you wish you had someone to live with you here.? 

Me...I don't know really, do you think I should have someone to live here? 

B....Yes, I think my daddy should live with you. ( thought: mmmmm, why would he want to send daddy to live with grandma?  )

Me..Why do you think daddy should live with me?

B..... Because everyone has a daddy to live with them but you don't have one so our daddy can come here then you won't be alone.

Me...But if your daddy lives here, he wont be at your house will he? and you wont have your daddy.

B.....Thinks very hard, screws up his little face and said... Oh yeah, well, I know, we will all come and live with you, it will be

really cool and we will do lots of things and you won't be lonely any more.  .  He is so thoughtful bless him. He doesn't know

anyone that doesn't have a daddy at home and I am a mummy / grandma so dont need a mum, but do need a 'dad' or man! 

He can't comprehend living alone and thinks I must get terribly bored and lonely  . 

 

I think I'd better try and catch up, it's suddenly got very busy here with PP closing, what a shock that was! 

[Athena]

That is soooo cute!!! I'm sure your grandson's sensitivity and compassion comes from you!

[btdt]

Wow a lot on your plate and now a window make hay while the sun shines and have a good holiday season sounds like you have some very entertaining children at you knee to make it memorable glad to hear everything is turning around for you.  I like the book by Robert but there are other ones I would suggest before it if I were hoping somebody may get the hint the drug was making them sick... like your drug may be your problem by Breggin... 

lots here too if you want to just send them a link

https://www.google.ca/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=peter%20breggin%20-%20antidepressants%20and%20bipolar

peace 

[mammaP]

Thanks BT, I am a fan of Breggin but don't have any of his books, I have a couple on the tablet but they

wont read them, or any links. They don't have computers or laptops just phones.  I feel that they are 

putting the wall up where the drugs are concerned and think the doctors know best. I have AOAE in paperback

so they might pick it up and look at it hopefully.  

 

I will be spending the holiday with them which will be graet because it is always good to be with the little ones, they

are a tonic for me but none of us actually celebrate christmas so it will just be a relaxing time watching movies and maybe

going to the hills to watch the kids and dog have a romp in the snow/rain/mud  . 

[btdt]

It was worth a shot if there is a library around could pick it up and leave it there... they would at least see it when you called to have them take it back I know it is not easy for you to get around so that was a stupid off the cuff idea... 

I get most of my books from the library so it always comes to mind when I think books I have bought a few but can't afford it any longer. I do like aoae too ... just not as much as the Breggin ones for misdiagnosed bi polar.

 

I just can't remember things if I could I know there is a book that speaks directly to this issue of misdiagnoses of bipolar after ADs... sorry Mamma my brain fails me... 

still wishing you and yours peace

[LoveandLight]

Glad to hear about your window

[Wildflower0214]

Glad the family "emergency" has passed. still wishing for sleep for u!

[mammaP]

Had an ok-ish day yesterday, went out for lunch with my daughter and grandson, then drove home by the

scenic route, an hours drive which was quite nice as the roads were quiet in the countryside.  Went to bed 

about 12.30 when my eyes wouldn't stay open, fell asleep within half an hour and woke up at 7.30!! That

NEVER happens....EVER! I say woke up but wasn't fully awake but half awake and unable to rouse myself 

properly and felt drugged or hungover after a heavy night on the booze only hadn't touched anything stronger

than water. Felt very sick, sweating and shivering, then went dizzy and faint while still laid down. I got up for 

a drink and stayed in bed until 3pm drifting in and out of sleep. Felt ill and like the early withdrawal that is 

debilitating. I went back over yesterday to see if there was anything that could have caused it then it hit me

that I hadn't taken my effexor yesterday evening!  I still find it unbelievable that just 2 tiny beads can cause this.

Not complaining about the sleep though, in fact it has given me hope that when I am finally off this stuff I might

start to sleep 

 

I hate these drugs with a vengeance, and it is makes me so angry that they can still advertise them as the panacea 

for any ailment!  Cigarette advertising has been banned in the UK and shops are not allowed to have them on 

display because of the health risks. Certain drugs have been banned because of the risks yet these poisons are 

being prescribed more and more. I was with friends for dinner and they were talking about someone who is quite ill

and has mobility problems, then said that she had her medication changed and is much calmer than she was. 

She didn't react when one of the kids spent a huge amount of money on computer games, when normally she would

have been very angry, as most people would. I was so so tempted to wade in with what I have learned but they seemed to

think it was a good thing so I said nothing, my daughter was there too and didn't want to annoy her. 

 My daughter is a bit better than she was but seems 'flat' and not quite with it, typical of ADs, when they

block all emotion. Hopefully she will settle down again and taper properly next time she feels like she is ready, although

I think she might be feeling that she needs them for good now.  

 

Thank you to everyone who has commented on my thread and been there for me when I've been in waves. We have shared

highs and lows and gone through a lot together since I came here and I appreciate you all  

[mattinsmom]

Hi

 

It seems you have been on quite the roller coaster. I'm sorry to hear that it has been so rough for you and your daughter. I am glad to hear that you finally got some sleep even though the cause for it wasn't ideal. And, it is nice to think that when the meds are finally gone some normalcy to sleep will return. 

 

I hope that things are in a good place for the holidays and that you enjoy watching the snow/rain/mud romping. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. 

[Wolfhound]

I wanted to stop by and wish a Merry Christmas to you and your family.

w.

[EternalOptimist]

MammaP, what an ordeal you went to the other night. Good that you figured out what it was quickly and can get back on track.

I see that you wrote about driving an hour. Was there a time in withdrawal when you couldn't drive?

Happier, healthier 2015 to you,

[mammaP]

MammaP, what an ordeal you went to the other night. Good that you figured out what it was quickly and can get back on track.

I see that you wrote about driving an hour. Was there a time in withdrawal when you couldn't drive?

Happier, healthier 2015 to you,

I could barely drive at all before I started tapering EO. Withdrawal sucks, the waves are horrific but I never,

ever want to be as sick as I was back then. I was just existing with no real emotion, no desire, no motivation.

Completely and utterly exhausted and in constant pain 24/7.   I could only drive on a 'good' day, maybe once

a week or even less I would go to the surgery or the hospital for appointments. I visited family rarely and didn't 

go anywhere on my own because I was too run down.  I could drive maybe 4 or 5 miles maximum and had to

be taken everywhere. I'm still in pain and still exhausted a lot of the time but it is different. The pain is arthritic 

and insomnia the cause of the exhaustion. I'm a lot better than I was though, and would rather have withdrawal

because I know that will end, whereas the side effects from effexor would have gone on forever because they

told me I needed it for life. The odd thing is that I wasn't that bothered! I had no feelings really and didn't care

about very much. I had my cottage in the country and watched the birds from my bed. Took photos of them and 

just waited for new ones to show up. That was it, I didn't get up much of the time except for the bathroom and 

food!  Then I read the patient leaflet and realised it was the meds. The rest is history 

 

I have been at my daughters over the holiday, we don't celebrate it so it's been nice and quiet just watching

movies and playing with the kids.  Helping out where I can because she hasn't been very well. The boys love 

having grandma to stay for a sleepover    . Today they found a block of ice in the sledge and smashed it up.

Then we brought pieces inside for experiments. One watched it melt and wanted to sit on the sofa with it while

he held a hot water bottle on it to see how fast it disappeared, the other one tried to dry his  ice block with a towel

and was dabbing at it for ages trying to make it dry.  Kept them quiet for a while   . 

[mammaP]

I am having some different symptoms that have been puzzling me and I didn't connect them with withdrawal

but I read someone's thread who had similar . Can't remember whose it was now, I was distracted and had to leave 

the computer.  I can't eat anything spicy, because it feels like I've eaten raw chillies! Some fruit has the same effect,

pineapple especially. I love spicy food but just mild, not very hot. I can't have any of it, my mouth and lips burn and 

turn very red and sore.  I am getting new headaches that have me feeling very nauseous and I have to lie down.

They aren't typical of migraine but are at the base of my skull and very painful. I can't tolerate the cold and am

shivering even with the heating on. Before I couldn't tolerate the heat and had the heating on low!  I also have a

runny nose and sniffing all the time. I get on my own nerves with sniffing so I must surely get on everyone else's

nerves too! My little grandson was following me around the other day and copying my limp, and sniffing! That is 

when I realised how bad it has got. 

 

Sleep has improved ever so slightly but any improvement is good. Yet I am being wakened by loud noises that don't

seem to be there. A telephone ringing, alarm sounding and last night it was very loud insistent hammering on the 

door but it wan't real, none of it is. It isn't psychosis, or anything  weird just my brain when sleeping. I read something

about a syndrome that has this manifestation, I need to look it up and read it again. I know that this is linked to

withdrawal and not sure what to do about it. Haha, that is a silly statement, of course I know what to do....NOTHING!

I'm not sure if it is because things here have been quite full on for me recently, I've been helping out my daughter and

staying there to help with the boys as she hasn't been well. 

I'm on my own usually and it is very quiet so not used to the activity. I do have to be careful that I don't overdo things

but usually I am just exhausted and non functional when I've overdone things but this is different. 

 

Last night when I was woken up I was petrified while I was processing the experience, my heart was beating so fast and 

I couldn't breathe, it was so real. Maybe it was part of a dream. I don't suppose I will ever know but I don't want to be 

nervous about going to sleep when it has just started to improve! 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Petu mentioned in one of her updates about reacting that way to oranges, like they burned her mouth. Could it have been there?

 

This may or may not be true:

 

Over the summer, when I pushed myself to do some new activities at the volunteer job, I experienced it as stressful but needed in a way as it seemed to jump start my recovery. But then my brain reacted with suicidal thoughts and black depression and physically I felt tied to my chair, I felt like I was too scared, defeated to move.

 

Could this be a system experiencing recovery from wd syndrome and reduction in medication (tapering) a the same time?

 

In my case, I don't know if the time I spent purposefully cowering in my chair helped or not. I eventually made myself do something and that new activity, though stressful, brought me up to a newer level of recovery. It is all so confusing, so non-linear.

[mammaP]

Thanks CW, yes I believe it is Petu.  It is so bad that I can't use toothpaste and only mild mouthwash. I

have to use toothpaste for baby teeth because it is the only one I can find without mint which is awful

for my mouth. I have started oil pulling with coconut oil and hope that will make a difference.

 

Yesterday I was invite for a family lunch with my daughters in laws, we are all friends and get on well.

It is a half hour drive away and didn't feel up to it because I had been back at my daughters for a

few days.  I made my excuses and went to my Sunday meeting, as I went to the car I noticed a group

stood on outside the hall and one of them came and invited me to lunch! They were having lunch

together and invited me to join them. I felt very guilty that I had turned down the first invite but as this was

just 5 minutes away I accepted.

I met some new people and some friends were there too so it was nice but the noise was hard on my ears!

It was just voices, lots of them all talking together and that always sets my nerves on edge. Like chalk on

a blackboard or bluebottles buzzing round my head. 

 

I was chatting with 2 ladies and the subject of depression came up. I said that I was coming off my meds 

because they made me very ill. We had a very interesting discussion and one asked if we can get together 

and talk some more because she wants to know more about how I have tapered.  The other told us that

she was given anti depressants after her baby was born but refused to take them It sounds like she was quite 

bad and they had her on suicide watch. But she recovered without taking medication and her gp actually told

her that he thought she was right and needed to get out and find some emotional support from friends. That 

was decades ago, I'm not sure doctors would say that now!  She also told us that depression runs in the family

which is why they gave her the pills, and they also said she would need them for life because it is hereditary  .

Her sister took medication and died because it was too much. I asked if the meds killed her and she said they

must have done but they said she was not metabolising them, not that they were responsible!

 

I knew a girl personally who died 5 years ago and was polydrugged. She went to bed one day and was eating

a biscuit then died. She was over medicated and they said it was accidental overdose. She just took what was

prescribed, loads of different ones. She had effexor and developed 'fibromyalgia' . She went from a very active

young mum to an obese inactive one in no time. Of course other psych meds and diagnoses were added too 

as well as high doses of opiates. It was tragic to see it happen to her, everyone blamed the fibro and some said

she was addicted to the drugs and overdosed but that was speculation an gossip. I know exactly what happened

to her now but 'they' have got away with it again. This is just 2 people I personally of  who died from drugs without 

suicide.

 

It has upset me and I feel very upset and depressed today. Maybe it isn't that but I feel really down and weepy. 

I can't think straight and find it hard to read things. I want to sleep, I went to bed after lunch yesterday and slept

for 2 hours. I feel like I could sleep right now so might go back to bed. My eyes won't stay open and I am blinking 

to try keep them open, my head feels fuzzy and achey. Maybe I am just tired . 

 

I need to do some housework, the place is a mess and I would be mortified if anyone came round, but I don't have

the energy. My bones hurt too, all of them and my hands are stiff and sore typing. I am going to give in and sleep..

will be back later. 

[Wildflower0214]

I know it was weeks ago, but I just read that you slept for almost 7 hours when you missed your dose!!!!

 

That is amazing. Light at the end of the insomnia tunnel for you I believe, once the tapering is done!!!

 

Wooooohooooooo! So happy for you!!!