mammaP

☼ Hello. mammaP checking in!

1,253 posts in this topic

After my last post, I had a little window which was about a day, maybe 2 then the insomnia was full on again.  The dizziness and nausea were back along with it.  If only I could crack the insomnia life would be much better, or maybe I am putting too much on it and life would be no different!  A couple of weeks back I bought some night nurse, its for flu symptoms and had an anti histamine, decongestant and paracetamol. I remember having it many years ago and it knocked me out so in desperation I bought a bottle. I didn't touch it for days because I was scared in case of reaction but eventually took a quarter dose. It didnt help with anything until the next morning when I became hungover and slept for 3 hours! All next day was fuzzy and hungover so I haven't tried it since.  The dizziness got better though so maybe it was in my ears after all, I also did some exercises that help clear the eustachion tubes and something worked because it has been much better since.  Still very little sleep though and I dont know how long I can go on like this. 

 

I went for my appointment with the consultant and decided to go for the knee op after he showed me my x rays and explained everything again. I then had my pre op assessment straight after I saw him, and got my date for 15 June.  When I got home I was exhausted and in pain everywhere so started to doubt my decision. 

He doesn't have my records so doesn't know that my spine is also arthritic, neck, shoulders, hands and feet too.I still feel ok in my head which is great, but completely exhausted and in pain most of the time.  My son and grandaughter have been with me this weekend and we went out for lunch yesterday. I couldn't settle last night for the pain and have been tired and sore all day today. I had all these plans for when I was off the drugs. Right now I dont feel much withdrawal, but feel physically ill.  Utterly exhausted and in pain. When I was at the hospital I had my pre op checks and the nurse said that I was very fit and healthy because of the check boxes for diabetes, asthma etc were clear and ecg, bp tests were normal. I should feel better but feel like I'm overwhelmed. I keep thinking that I dont know why it is like this but really I do. 22 years of polydrugging cant be undone just like that, it;s going to take a long time and being off the effexor is the start. Then there is still the tramadol, just a low dose but we all know that even low doses are detrimental. 

 

Enough now, I'm going to stop whining and be positive, I've been well enough to go out with my family and it has been great having them here. So it has cost me in terms of energy and pain but no pain no gain! It is better than before, and tomorrow my son goes home. Then I can recover before the wee boys are back to visit grandma. My glass is half full, my glass is half full, rinse and repeat! 

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Whine if you like I want to too... really I have pain and it is wearing it keeps me up makes life rough enough I don't know if it is on the same lever as yours but it sure disrupts my life. I so get where your coming from. I keep thinking I should be use to it but I am not there is not getting use to it.  I take parts of T3 to keep it down but the doc is stingy and I am out... get this Mamma to day I had a mirgraine it lingered the entire day since I did not have any t3 I opened a capsule of forinal codein and barbotol concoction I generally have for emergency really bad i am dying migrains I have not taken a full capsule in a long time. 

Today after taking just some of it I felt so good... but it may not be just being rid of pain it may be whatever else is in there... this is turning into my update and I did not intend that but on pain ... makes such a difference to life everything is better when the pain eases.  

I keep thinking about that book I started to read where they stopped pain with their minds ...for real I want it. called the Brains way of Healing a Canadian author if you interested.  I hate to see you get desperate I have to be desperate too... I wish there was a better way... I guess that is all I have to say..Pain will keep me awake when the other crap doesn't I get it and maybe it is in part pain keeping you up.. that is what I was thinking. 

I wish you peace and sleep. 

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Things have been better recently, have been sleeping more than usual, still nowhere near enough but it is keeping the desperation at bay. Oh, just remembered I took down the blackout blind! I was wanting to sleep and kind of half asleep, not sure if I was drifting off or waking up when it was dark all the time. I too down the blind and now I am more awake in the mornings and the 'hungover' feeling is clearing sooner than it did before, probably because of the morning sun on the window.  I've been pretty stable for 2 weeks and been going out socialising, a friend picks me up and we go to visit some elderly ladies who are housebound. Also had a lot of visitors lately, my son and grandaughter came to stay, my sister came another day and I hadn't seen any of them for 2 years. The little ones have been too so it's been busy for me.

 

A few days ago I was feeling ill and very down, exhausted from all the activity, which for anyone else would have been normal stuff after working full time but for me is a lot! I felt tired and emotional, wanted to stop the world and get off the ride thank you. It has always been that way for me, as long as I can remember. Full on and living life to the max then crash and burn. Would throw myself into my work or whatever was going on at the time then suddenly be unable to get myself out of bed or to work. As a result I went from one job to another, worked hard then quit because I couldn't function any more. After some time off suddenly I was back up and off to another job, or project. I wish I could just keep going and be reliable, just to know that I could make promises and know I would be able to fulfill them would be good. Maybe one day.....

 

Monday is my knee replacement operation, which will take some time to recover from, and my landlord has given me notice to quit because they need their house back! I have 2 months to get somewhere else. That was the very day that I felt at rock bottom, the last thing I need right now but I will survive, I have several offers of places to stay if needed which is nice but not the same as my own place. I'm a bit old for sofa surfing!  Thankfully because I am retired there are more options for social housing, so we will see what is on offer there. 

 

At the hospital I will be very careful what drugs I will have, I thought I was careful last time but had an interaction and was ill with it so will be extra vigilant this time!   I need to pack my bag as I'm going tomorrow, very nervous it's come round so fast! I'll be taking my lappy this time so  watch this space  :)

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Good luck Mamma I will be watching this space :) 

It sucks you have to move again but I am happy there are other places available to you.  I sure hope this one goes off without any hitches they should know you now from last time.  I hope a family member is close by to remind them of the drugs your not allowed to have... you know I keep thinking of a medical alert a place to put all the drug I react to in case I can't talk... I need to do that one day soon. 

 

Hopefully this will be the surgery that turns things around and gets you not only pain free but mobile in a way you life. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 

Wishing you peace

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Oh MP,

 

I hope your surgery goes really well and it will be very interesting to see, after all the recovery is behind you, if your need for pain med lessens.

 

My gosh, what a tale your journey has been (and that sucks about having to move again so soon, what is the matter with people anyway? Wanting their house back? For what, living in? Sheesh, make up your mind already! JK of course....)

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I hope your knee replacement surgery goes well MammaP, I'll be thinking of you on Monday...I just know you'll be healed in no time.

 

So sorry to hear about your living situation...not fair, or timely for that matter. I hope you find something to your liking quickly. And one day soon you WILL be able to keep going and fulfill those promises you make.

 

Thank you again for all you do on this site. Your wisdom and insight is comforting. Wishing you a speedy recovery and much stability.

 

((((((((hugs for healing))))))))

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Sat waiting patiently like a patient patient,just as a patient patient should. ;) Seen doctors and all are lovely, only one didn't quite get my sensitivities but has promised I can have whatever I want when I want it. I just have to ask. They've prescribed lots of different drugs so I can choose which to have according to pain levels. It is just a shame that I have had to check for interactions myself!

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Sending love and blessings for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery MmammP.

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Sending a big hug

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hoping all goes well for you & you recover quickly! (((hugs)))

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I'm sending you 'fast recovery' vibes. Hope all goes well!

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Sat waiting patiently like a patient patient,just as a patient patient should. ;) Seen doctors and all are lovely, only one didn't quite get my sensitivities but has promised I can have whatever I want when I want it. I just have to ask. They've prescribed lots of different drugs so I can choose which to have according to pain levels. It is just a shame that I have had to check for interactions myself!

I know that today is the day and wish we had talked about this before now.. but suspect you know from last time and have a solid plan going in.  I trust you do. While it is a dray to have to check for interactions it is better to able to check than to have the reactions like we did repeatedly in the past.  Hail the internet! :) 

I am thinking of you today Mamma saying prayer for you and your doctors and other aids... wishing you peace and hugs 

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Thinking of you dear mamma.

You will be fine.You are strong.

 

Hugs. ;)

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Thinking of you MammaP and hope you're being good to yourself and healing. Many, many ((((((hugs)))))) to you.

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Just checking too soon I guess take you time rest up I hope everything went well and is still going well think I will say a prayer for you now since I am here.  done.. 

peace.. :)

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(((HUG)))

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Thank you everyone, I've been out of it and not up to very much the last week! The surgery went well and recovery was ok as far as post op goes. Very painful with the usual drug stuff but they pretty much let me have what I wanted, except for some of the nurses who were mostly excellent but a couple decided that they knew better than anyone and messed things up. I had to assert myself and I don't like doing that. Came home on Friday, they would rather I stayed another day but I had a run in with the night nurse who messed up my morning drugs and I thought I would be better at home where I could take what I wanted when I wanted it! I had codeine and oral morphine liquid for pain and cyclizine injections for sickness. The nurse decided that I would have tablets for sickness instead of injections, and cut the morphine liquid which had meant only 2 doses of codeine each day.  This meant I was very sick and my stomach reacted badly. I was discharged without the cyclizine so haven't  had any pain relief since day 4, except the one tramadol capsule that I take just to avoid withdrawal. I think I've done ok really, and discovered why I stopped codeine and was switched to tram years ago, it is very hard on my poor tummy which is still struggling  :unsure:.  Not sure if it has been worth it yet, it's still very painful and weak, knees are harder to recover fro than hips, even partial ones it seems!  I am being very spoilt with friends from the congregation coming in every day and bringing what I need. They also took me to see about housing and picked me up from the hospital. 

 

It still feels very lonely though, once people go it's just me and the pain. and have been considering going to my daughters for a while, but it's hard to cope with all the stairs there. I've been very depressed the last couple of days but know it will pass. I couldn't take the tramadol with the codeine so missed 4 doses and it is an SNRI so there will be some withdrawal going on.  Right now I wish I'd postponed when I learned I was being evicted, still have time but cant get my mind on to anything I am so exhausted. I can't think straight. The landlord is having work done on the house and the painter is very talkative but I don't feel like talking I just want to sleep. Now there is a blessing, I am getting some sleep!! Very sporadic but several naps through the day and night which is an improvement! Who would have thought it? 

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I am glad it is over and your home at least.  It seems the universe is being a bit of a dickhead right now painters having to move in recovery... I know you have overcome worse and will handle this too... I just wish you did not have to.  At least your sleeping... if he is not painting your bedroom it is all doable. I am glad your home in my mind your safer at home than in hosp. Thanks for the update try not to worry about anything right now things have a way of working out when they really have to. 

I wish you peace

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I'm glad your able to sleep.

 

I'm sorry you feel lonely though..feeling lonely is horrible.

 

Wishing you more and more recovery xxx

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MammaP, glad to hear your surgery went well and that you're home, healing and resting...yeah! you're getting naps and good sleep! I'm sending you healing vibes for a speedy recovery and a great big (((((hug))))). From what I can tell you are very brave and very strong. I know you'll be back to your routine in no time, despite this unplanned move you have coming up.

 

It's good your friends from the congregation have been helping you. You're right though, when you have lots of folks around after surgery then everyone suddenly leaves there's a void. And pain, loneliness and depression don't go together so well. Can your daughter come to you (you don't have to answer that, just a thought)?

 

So I hope you're getting some refreshing sleep right now. Take good care of yourself mammaP...wishing you peace of mind, good physical health and many, many blessings.

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Haven't been in for a week! I went to my daughter's for a few days, I needed to be around people but found it hard to be around them. Ironic isn't it, makes no sense whatsoever! A friend was here a week ago and I was talking to her and crying. I was so, so down and felt so tired and ill, then felt bad for being negative. 

I still haven't a clue where I'm going to live, and have the enormous task of packing everything (again)! I feel so rotten and can't figure what it is. I've had surgery twice in less than 4 months and can't take pain killers. I know the drugs messed me up the first time and wasn't long over that when I went for the next op. Then being told I am being evicted has made it all so much worse. I have a cupboard full of pills and potions and can't take any of them but keep looking at them and wondering if this or that will help. Typing this out though and I am telling myself that this will pass and it takes time to recover from trauma. See, I can do positive ;)

 

My head hurts, my leg hurts, neck hurts, back hurts and shoulders hurt. I get one comfy and it sets something else off. I'm not coping very well right now and I'm sorry I haven't been here for you all.  I was going to pour out everything but my eyes hurt now with looking at the screen, so will go for a warm mag bath and go to bed.  I miss being here, you are my pals but I haven't been able to do much of anything on the computer, or anything at all, I dont know where the days have gone! 

 

I will be back, hopefully very soon. 

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Haven't been in for a week! I went to my daughter's for a few days, I needed to be around people but found it hard to be around them. Ironic isn't it, makes no sense whatsoever! A friend was here a week ago and I was talking to her and crying. I was so, so down and felt so tired and ill, then felt bad for being negative. 

I still haven't a clue where I'm going to live, and have the enormous task of packing everything (again)! I feel so rotten and can't figure what it is. I've had surgery twice in less than 4 months and can't take pain killers. I know the drugs messed me up the first time and wasn't long over that when I went for the next op. Then being told I am being evicted has made it all so much worse. I have a cupboard full of pills and potions and can't take any of them but keep looking at them and wondering if this or that will help. Typing this out though and I am telling myself that this will pass and it takes time to recover from trauma. See, I can do positive ;)

 

My head hurts, my leg hurts, neck hurts, back hurts and shoulders hurt. I get one comfy and it sets something else off. I'm not coping very well right now and I'm sorry I haven't been here for you all.  I was going to pour out everything but my eyes hurt now with looking at the screen, so will go for a warm mag bath and go to bed.  I miss being here, you are my pals but I haven't been able to do much of anything on the computer, or anything at all, I dont know where the days have gone! 

 

I will be back, hopefully very soon. 

 

I think it's very impressive that you've been able to handle as many surgeries as you have.  I think I'd be brain dead for over a year if the doctors put me under general anesthesia - it's a massive tax on the body to undergo that sort of experience and your successful recuperation from surgeries is  a testament to how healthy you are.

 

As for having a cabinet full of pills...I'm not sure if I'd personally want to even fill a prescription and give the pharmaceutical company any more money.  I've gotten prescriptions from doctors, but they always remain unfilled.  I'm sure you get like 5 prescriptions after each surgery, so it's easy to imagine how you might accumulate a LOT of pills.  I personally threw away most of my pills.  With a hypersensitive nervous system I didn't feel like there was any good having that poison in the house.

 

Why do you keep them?

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Sending big (((((hugs)))))  I wish there was more I could do to help. We all miss you, but I'm sure you will be feeling better soon, as osk wrote, you have a lot of strength.

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We do miss you here Mamma but we are smart enough to know you need this time to heal.. we are waiting patiently.  I am sorry your feeling like crap just now I so understand how tricky surgery is when your one of us.  I know you know best how to do this I trust your gut...and your experience it will see you thru.  I hope your getting some help around the house and with meals ect. The stress of having to move is weighing on you now I have this small thing I do when things start closing in I go into denial.. yep it helps. Just forget about it for now as there is nothing you can do about it anyway when your not well... so let go and let God if you believe in God if not just let go and we will all pray for the right place for you. 

Please do not be afraid to ask for help of any and everyone who offers and even those who don't say I need a new place to live I have to move I need help .. could you bring me a meal and get the mail ect whatever you need I am sure your loved ones are on it.. I hope they are. 

Please don't worry not rest quietly as peacefully as you can and heal. 

with love to you Mamma 

I wish you peace and healing 

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Thank you guys, feeling wiped out today after a totally sleepless night. My pal is coming to do the chores for me, she is being amazing, and later I'm going to my daughter's for the night so she can take me to the hospital for physio tomorrow morning.  

 

 

 

Haven't been in for a week! I went to my daughter's for a few days, I needed to be around people but found it hard to be around them. Ironic isn't it, makes no sense whatsoever! A friend was here a week ago and I was talking to her and crying. I was so, so down and felt so tired and ill, then felt bad for being negative. 

I still haven't a clue where I'm going to live, and have the enormous task of packing everything (again)! I feel so rotten and can't figure what it is. I've had surgery twice in less than 4 months and can't take pain killers. I know the drugs messed me up the first time and wasn't long over that when I went for the next op. Then being told I am being evicted has made it all so much worse. I have a cupboard full of pills and potions and can't take any of them but keep looking at them and wondering if this or that will help. Typing this out though and I am telling myself that this will pass and it takes time to recover from trauma. See, I can do positive ;)

 

My head hurts, my leg hurts, neck hurts, back hurts and shoulders hurt. I get one comfy and it sets something else off. I'm not coping very well right now and I'm sorry I haven't been here for you all.  I was going to pour out everything but my eyes hurt now with looking at the screen, so will go for a warm mag bath and go to bed.  I miss being here, you are my pals but I haven't been able to do much of anything on the computer, or anything at all, I dont know where the days have gone! 

 

I will be back, hopefully very soon. 

 

I think it's very impressive that you've been able to handle as many surgeries as you have.  I think I'd be brain dead for over a year if the doctors put me under general anesthesia - it's a massive tax on the body to undergo that sort of experience and your successful recuperation from surgeries is  a testament to how healthy you are.

 

As for having a cabinet full of pills...I'm not sure if I'd personally want to even fill a prescription and give the pharmaceutical company any more money.  I've gotten prescriptions from doctors, but they always remain unfilled.  I'm sure you get like 5 prescriptions after each surgery, so it's easy to imagine how you might accumulate a LOT of pills.  I personally threw away most of my pills.  With a hypersensitive nervous system I didn't feel like there was any good having that poison in the house.

 

Why do you keep them?

 

They aren't pharmaceutical's they are supplements, lol. I hate drugs and will not touch them but have a couple of simple over the counter ones that family use if they have headaches etc.  I didn't have general for the surgeries, I had spinal and nerve blocks for these 2 and minimal drugs. I came home with some pain killers and blood thinners that went straight in the bin but have a multitude of supplements that I've tried and will probably try again at some point when I am not so sensitive.  I counted up and have had 14 major surgeries, 10 of them in the last 15 years with some of them life saving.  I think my body has had enough, if I hadn't been in so much pain and unable to take painkillers I wouldn't have had these last 2.  No more now, I've had enough! 

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I just want to say hi MammaP and I hope you have been able to get some sleep since your last post. So glad you have a good pal to do chores and a great daughter.

 

I'm sending healing vibes to you and a great big (((((Hug))))) too.

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I just want to say hi MammaP and I hope you have been able to get some sleep since your last post. So glad you have a good pal to do chores and a great daughter.

 

I'm sending healing vibes to you and a great big (((((Hug))))) too.

Thank you Adagioo. It's been a horrid week, my twisted body is trying to adjust and the pain is worse than it was before, but hopefully that will pass. And to top it after 4 months off effexor was hit by a wave of withdrawal. Brain zaps, shivers, SI, the lot so it's been a pretty horrendous few days. Today has been a bit better and hopefully the wave will be subsiding.  I hate not being supportive here but I'm really struggling to keep going and can't focus on anything.  I'm going to try and catch up a bit before I go to bed. 

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Ooh no sorry mammap you have been hit by WD! Hope the wave is indeed subsiding. And I'm sorry your in pain.

 

Don't worry about thinking you've not been supportive on here, you given so much support already to last years! :) x

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MammaP you have been so supportive for so long to so many, now it's our turn to support you.

 

I hope the pain eases and the withdrawal wave subsides. Right now it's time for you to take care of you so you can heal. I also hope this time next week you can say it's been a good week and the horrors are behind you for good. XOXO

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Hang in there Mamma, I'm riding this one with you,and it's not good here either.......

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Oh mamma, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I hope yout can recover soon from this.

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Hello MammaP,

 

I disappeared into a cave, and as I come out blinking into the light, I see that you've had ANOTHER surgery!  Egads!

 

I hope you are well on the way to recovery, and finding sleep waiting for you every day at the end of the day.

 

{{{{Mamma Hugs}}}}

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Sorry to hear what you've been going through with the surgery, your living situation and withdrawal symptoms. Sending positive thoughts your way.

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Oh, mammaP, my good friend, virtual hugs coming your way with speedy healing wishes.

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hi, mammap ... i think i've seen you posting in other threads over the last couple of weeks, so hope you're back to feeling a bit better.  i just recently had a hip surgery and have gotten off crutches after 6 weeks of hell. will never take my legs for granted again!

 

sending you hugz and peace.

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Just wanted to drop you a note MammaP to say I hope you are feeling much, much better. Sending you healing vibes and ((((hugs)))).

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