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☼ piscesrising Is it still Lexapro Withdrawal 9 months later?


piscesrising

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My name is Natalie and I've been on an anti depressant of some sort since I was 16, I"m 29. For the first time in my life I got off Lexapro 5.5 months ago after tapering for 3 months. Things seemed a little more manageable after the horrific first few months but the past month or so it has been very bad again and I"m scared. I cry all the time, I have insomnia, I have a hard time working-super tired/anxious/irritable. Sometimes my anxiety is debilitating. Lack of hope or motivation. Lots of fear. My fear is this is either just how I am without them or I was on them for so long my brain needs them to be at least moderately functional and if I don't get back on I will end up on disability or something.

Has anyone experienced this? Does it get better? Does it just take longer? Or am I kidding myself?

It was so hard to get off of them I feel like if I get back on them I will be committed for life, but I also don't want to have to check into a psych ward either :/ lol, funny but not really cause I"m not really kidding :)

 

THANKS!

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Hello piscesrising,

 

I'm sorry to meet you here but I think you're in a good place. Hang in there if you can.

 

I went off Effexor over about 10 weeks and developed many problems including anxiety, sexual dysfunction, food sensitivities, and various other problems. That was 2010 when I stopped Effexor. I have learned tremendously about my true self and this learning has been very, very important to me. I started on Drugs when I was 18 and by 2010 I had been in various institutions and returned to live with my parents. I really didn't know myself at all. It's complicated, I know you know this, because it is hard to tell what is me and what is the drugs.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd think a while before restarting the medication since you took it for so long and you've never gotten a chance to be you yet.

 

A positive in this situation is that you will get to make this decision for yourself. If you are like me, you haven't been able to make as many decisions for yourself as you should have in life.

 

As for your present symptoms, they could definitely be related to your discontinuation of Lexapro. I can't tell you exactly how to quickly remedy them, though the more you participate here and discuss your history and present health issues, the better the posters will be able to relate and possibly share experiences that can help you.

 

One thing I am 100% sure of, however, is that this present extreme distress you are experiencing will not last forever even if it feels like it will.

 

So hang in there and welcome to the forum.

 

Alex

Edited by Altostrata
substituted screen name

"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Natalie--

 

Alex is right, it won't last forever.

 

I would add more emphatically that yes, what you are experiencing is probably due to the brain changes caused by the drugs that you took for so long (and starting before your brain was even fully mature, while it was still developing, and don't get me going on what a crime that is!)

 

Not everyone knows that before the advent of the "AD age" depression was understood to be fairly rare and self-limiting; most people recovered in six months or less and usually they never had another incident, or it was rare. Nowadays, since the widespread pre$cribing of AD$ for everything from "social anxiety" to toothache, it's been redefined as a recurrent disorder. That's because of what you're experiencing right now. Most doctors will define that as a "relapse." We here understand it as much more likely to be a delayed reaction to the use of drugs that screw up your brain chemistry.

 

Sometimes a small reinstatement (much smaller than the dose you were on before) will relieve these withdrawal symptoms, and once things settle down you can then taper off very slowly. Your taper was quite fast, alarmingly so for someone who had been taking the drugs for so many years and started at such a young age, in my opinion.

 

Alto or someone else who knows more than I do about reinstatement protocols will be along here soon and you can discuss it more.

 

You are not permanently broken. Your brain can and will heal and normalize itself. This sometimes takes a couple of years for folks. If you take new psych drugs or go on and off on them or up and down on doses, it will drag the process out, though. (I lost 20 years of my life that way.)

 

I recommend reading Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker for more information about how these drugs can actually do more harm than good for many of us. The works of Peter Breggin are also good, in particular Your Drug May Be Your Problem and Medication Madness. Those are my faves.

 

Good luck. You've come to the right place for support with this.

 

--Rhi

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Thank you both. I was only on 15mg of Lexapro at the time, but maybe I still did go kind of fast considering the normal/highest dose for lexapro is only 20mg.

Sometimes I wonder if this was my 'normal' to begin with, and why I needed to get on meds in the first place, but I don't recall it like this, I was too young to know! It scares me that my brain wasn't full developed, I don't think that is something that I can repair...I'm going to try to stick it out and hopefully be able to keep my job in the mean time lol. Considering I was on them for 13 years, being off of them for 5.5 months isn't that long!

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  • Moderator Emeritus

15 mg. of Lexapro is actually a high dose. Lexapro is an especially strong antidepressant, roughly twice as strong as most others, so 10 mg. is the "normal" dose.

 

I "tapered" off of 10 mg. Lexapro over three and a half months, ending on December 14, 2011, and have gone through nearly seventeen months of withdrawal so far, although I am almost back to normal at this point. The first six months were a horror, the next six months were still pretty rough, and it's only recently that I've begun to feel somewhat like myself again. I'm still easily upset and thrown off-balance and my emotions and creative talents are somewhat blunted, although they're almost all the way back.

 

During recovery, there is a pattern of "windows and waves". Your brain is healing itself from the damage done by antidepressants, but it does so in a rather random and jerky way. Here's a topic devoted to this pattern that may be helpful:

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Recovery

 

You might also want to read my Intro topic which details my journey through Lexapro withdrawal. I think you'll find some comfort there knowing that what you're going through isn't at all unusual. It's painful and frustrating, but it's withdrawal, not you. (Just click on the link in the drug history area of my post).

 

Going back on Lexapro is probably not the answer. In fact, nearly six months out from stopping the drug, you'd stand a good chance of having a bad reaction and having to taper off all over again. You might want to look at our 'Symptoms and self-care' section for tips on non-drug ways to feel better:

 

Symptoms and self-care

 

By the way, your relative youth is in your favor in terms of the time it will take to heal. No one knows how long that will be, but you haven't ruined your brain for good, not by a long shot!

 

Welcome to the forum. The solid information and friendly support here have been a godsend to me these long months.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Thank you so much, I will look into all those things.

My symptoms had me analyzing everything and thinking maybe it's hormonal or adrenal fatigue too and it might contribute, maybe it's all connected.

Has anyone tried Brainwave Optimization treatment?

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Antidepressant withdrawal does wreak havoc with hormones, particularly the adrenal glands, and often hormonal problems can be misdiagnosed as depression. The state of medicine, alas, is still more of an art than a science, much as mainstream medicine and Big Pharma would like us to believe otherwise.

 

My personal opinion is that many physical problems are being diagnosed as depression and dosed up with antidepressants accordingly. My last and very severe depression was the result of taking Lipitor which reduced my overall cholesterol level to 134. There was a well-designed study published in 1990 which concluded that cholesterol levels of less than 160 would result in depression and any number of other ailments. Why did my doctor not know this???

 

I've never heard of Brainwave Optimization treatment. Most of us here have tried any number of expensive cures - exercises, supplements, woo-woo cures - and found that the good old-fashioned standards of healthy diet, exercise, sound sleep, and social activity work best, although they are not at all quick or dramatic.

 

My advice is to save your money and concentrate on learning patience!

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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  • Administrator

Welcome, piscesrising.

 

Reinstatement after such a long time is a toss-up. It could help, it could make you worse.

 

If you decide to try it, you might want to carefully try a tiny amount, such as 1mg. You can get liquid Lexapro. See this topic http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/406-tips-for-tapering-off-lexapro-escitalopram/

 

Have your symptoms lessened since you went off? How have your symptoms changed?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hi pricesrising,

 

In my opinion, over time you will learn how best to give your body what it needs. I take a biological approach, as do many of our posters and moderators. By taking this approach, I look at the human body and imagine the optimal nourishment the body has evolved (or was designed) to handle and put to good use by repairing itself, providing energy, etc.

 

Right now your body is trying to cope with stresses that it doesn't have innate defenses to easily overcome.

 

Over time, I have learned a lot about my body and learned to think in terms of giving myself what I need to be closer to optimal.

 

Unfortunately, I can't tell you how long your distress will last or exactly what to do to make it go away. I do suggest you read throuh the posts on this forum and learn of some of the things that have worked for others and which may help you too.

 

Also, a lot of our members have other health issues, and keep record of some basic health metrics such as their thyroid function, their diabetes risk, and food allergies, for example. Their are many threads relating to these issues. I believe that everything is interrelated and you might be quite twisted up as a result of taking medication for so long, and in areas in which may seem disconnected but are actually quite related, such as digestive health.

 

Good luck,

Alex

"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

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  • 2 weeks later...

I was crying hysterically again tonight for an extended period of time and I was going through my head and thought of no one I would call because I don't even know what I would say. I did text someone, and when they asked what was up with me I stared back at the screen...how do you answer that for the millionth time, it's embarrassing 'well I"m a basket case, I feel incredibly alone and greif stricken and I"m not sure why, remember how I got off my meds I was on for 13 years 5 months ago, well it probablly has something to do with that." Because I'm tired of saying it to people, because they don't understand or think I"m crazy or should be over it or tired of hearing it.

But I do, I feel so lonely and depressed and scared, about the future and that I will never climb out of whatever I am in and therefore simply barely survive but the idea of starting a relationship in the future or anything of the sort sounds impossible, not when I"m like this. And my friends are all in love and got their dream job etc and I don't know what I am doing...I get scared there will not be a light at the end of the tunnel, but if it's always going to be a struggle like this and anxiety up and down and crying and depression etc..well..I can't do that.

I"m sorry for being so emo.

I just remembered this site and I thought well if I can't think of someone to call who gets it I can just write about it on here.

 

My heart goes out to everyone going through similar experiences. <3

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Piscesrising,

 

I'm sorry you are feeling lonely, depressed and scared at the moment. I get it. You don't need to apologize for being emo, that's what this place is for. I'm fairly new here and struggling with the same kinds of issues, protracted withdrawal from A/Ds and other life problems which are made worse by the intense emotions which are one of the symptoms.

 

When we are in this negative emotional state, its easy to look at other people and believe that their lives are perfect, while not being able to see any positives in our own lives. But no relationship or job is perfect and everyone eventually goes through difficult times.

 

If the thought of being in a relationship feels impossible at the moment, then you are probably not ready for being in one and need to learn how to be in a supportive relationship with yourself first. I'm in the same situation. I feel lonely and scared at times, start to think that another relationship would make me feel better, but knowing honestly, that at the moment, I don't have anything to give.

 

The best relationships are when people have learned how to be whole and self-nurturing so that being together is a choice, rather than from dependency and neediness.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

I think you need to write a little bit about your medication and withdrawal history but someone else should be along to help with that.

 

Petu.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Thank you.

I did an initial intro. post a few weeks back, I didn't know where to post new ones, so just did it in the intro site.

5.5 months off lexapro, was on some sort of SSRI for 13 years...

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi picesrising,

 

Please locate your thread with your name and add to it all updates. The Intro section is fairly long so we only allow one thread per member here.

 

Your thread had moved down to page three, I located it and merged your new posts with it.

 

I'm sorry you're struggling :(

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  • 1 month later...

I think I just reply to this versus starting a new post?

I'm just reaching out. I feel hopeless and it scares me. I"m having a really hard time functioning and cry every day, sometimes to the point of throwing up. I feel lonely and burnt out at my job and trying to find a new therapist or get referral to DBT but the system is making it really difficult, almost impossible and it's hard enough for me to pick up the phone let alone try to navigate it. 

I get scared because I feel like I've tried so many things and been struggling for so long that it seems it will always be this way and I can't do this anymore. 

My naturopath has been working with me for 2 years to no avail and she even said she was soo worried about me and told me about a psych ward and said she didn't think she could help me.

Last week we got test results back that showed low estrogen, and oddly enough really high seretonin and dopamine (which isn't a good thing)...low epinepherine too. She didn't even know what to say or do and said she would get back to me. The idea of starting over with ANOTHER doctor etc seems so overwhelming and pointless. 

I'm embarassed to reach out to friends anymore because I have been struggling for so long I feel like they are tired of hearing it or don't know what to do and I don't want to be such a downer. 

I feel like I"m losing my will to keep trying. 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Piscesrising, I hear your despair and recognize it immediately.  This feeling that your life is ruined, that things will remain as they are now forever, is very common during withdrawal.  When we don't see a way out of our struggle it seems pointless to keep trying, but their is a way out and it opens slowly and of its own accord.  Things are terrible now but they will get better, I promise.  I would not worry about your naturopath not being able to help, this doesn't mean that your case is somehow hopeless.  Anti-depressant withdrawal confuses professionals of all sorts, no one's quite sure how to treat it or what they're treating.  It doesn't really matter though because your body will repair itself if you treat it gently.  Some very good advice has been given here in this thread, try to look over it again when things take a bad turn.  As Alto said, reinstatement is always an option, although it's not a sure thing, especially when months have passed.  If you feel that you're on your last legs I would give it a shot with the very low dose of 1 mg that Alto suggested.I've been recommending that people who are struggling and concerned about their recovery take a look at the success stories here:http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/28-recovery-success-stories/I'm so sorry that things are so awful, many of us have been where you are now and have since moved on to better places.  It does get better.  Stay in touch. 

3 Years 150 mgs Effexor

2 month taper down to zero

3 terrible weeks at zero

Back up to 75 mgs

2 months at 75

6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine.

3 month taper back to zero

1 HORRENDOUS week at zero

2 days back up to 37.5

3 days back up to 75

One week at 150 - unable to stabilize.

Back down to 75 mgs

At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012.

 

"It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Just want to echo Narcissus. I have seen so many people go through what you're going through, and at about this length of time out from a too-rapid taper what you're experiencing is not uncommon.

 

If you can hang in there, read the Symptoms and Self-Care section and try to follow the suggestions there, you will get through this time and heal and recover. Please try to resist the urge to take more drugs, at least until you've given it a couple of years for full recovery.

 

As young as you are, your brain has a strong ability to heal and rebalance itself. But that process can be pretty painful.

 

I'm so sorry for your suffering.  Hang in there.  I anticipate you will be feeling much better in less than a year from now.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Thank you, even just writing this last night and putting it out there and being heard, even if just by 2 people helped a little and I'll take a little!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Be happy that you are going through this at 29 and not in your 40's.  It's a lot harder to make new friends, find a job, or find a man in your 40's than in your 30's.  At least in my experience.  The next 10 years of your life are crucial. Focus NOW on getting better. Do everything you can that doesn't involve drugs, to feel better.  When you feel awful, even crying - WRITE in a journal. Express ALL your feelings, and darkest thoughts.  DO NOT reach out to those who have not experienced what you have. They will NEVER understand.  Not your best friend, and not your mother.  That is what my experience has been.  I've lost and/or alienated all my friends and relatives.  It's best not to email or text when you are not in a good mood.  Nothing good ever comes of it.

 

Reach out for help to appropriate sources.  You wouldn't talk to your dentist about your GYN problems, would you? Or to your Gynecologist about your teeth.  Same thing with friends.  Don't talk to them about your mental health issues.  That's what psychologist and psychiatrists are for. Call a free suicide hotline just to chat with a counselor.  Write about your feelings in a journal or here on this website, or maybe a mental health chat line? ( I haven't looked into this, but I'm sure some sites will have it.) 

 

I used to think that my best friends and relatives would love and respect me no matter what, boy was I wrong.  If I knew what I know now, when I was your age...I'm think my life would be different.  But hindsight is 2020, and the most I can offer now, is my experience.

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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  • 1 month later...

I've been feeling so extremely depressed and hopeless but also very tense and anxious and irritable and lonely. I got off of Lexapro about 11 months ago, I was on it for 13 years (or a similar type of SSRI). Recently things have seemed to get worse. I was feeling very alone in the world and then remembered this site. My mind spins about how I will always feel this way, because it's been hard for a long time and I can't remember the last time I had a 'good' day. I've lost many friends not only just because they moved away but because no one wants to be friends with the person who is all doom and gloom or strange or crying. I get tired of reaching out and feel people are tired of me and no one knows what to do, so I stop. I don't see a future for me, I feel like a failure and I don't know how to get out of this cycle and can't imagine in my state being able to work towards goals (figure out what those are first, especially with career/school) etc. I'm 30 years old and it scares me, I feel I might need to get on disability but that frightens me and I'm afraid it's like giving up in my mind, but I am not functioning and am close to losing my job because of melt downs at work and exhaustion and sleeping on floor during lunch and not being able to show up. 

I see a naturopath for years now and she doesn't know how to help me, we have TRIED SO MANY THINGS and I feel like nobody knows what they are doing or cares enough to figure it out. I didn't want to give up hope completely, so I tried supplmenets one last time and had a saliva test done that showed extreme ELEVATED DOPAMINE and high ELEVATED SEROTONIN. Too much of these things is not good and similar to very low and explains the anxiety. Also signs of adrenal fatigue and low estrogen which was strange. And I was called an undermethylator which was their motivation for some of the supplements, to help start methylation. So Saber Science who did the testing creates these mixed powders and creams specifically for you. I took 3 products at once and freaked out because of affects and didn't know what was doing what. I got off everything for a few weeks then started again on one 

Day Powder: Vit C (237 mg), L-Serine (138mg), L-Asparagine (90mg), Magnesium Malate (61mg), L-Citrulline (60mg), L-Taurine (52mg), Inositol (48mg), Vit B6 (30mg)

I take 1/2 tsp 2x a day

They want me to take a night cream with GABA and small amount of 5htp but I rarely use it.

I have also been taking 200mg SAM-e for about 6 days now

There are 2 other products I haven't introduced yet. Does anyone have an opinion or know about these things? I am the annoying patient who asks a ton of questions and calls and emails because it didn't all make sense to me with my test results but the assure me (and I"m not a nuroscientist) 

Bottom line is I"m scared nothing will help and it's such a long road and I"m so tired of trying, trying just so I can be normal and I have high expectations for myself and it's so far from where I am vs where I think I should be and I"m not getting any younger. Sometimes I wonder if I have to just stay on prescription drugs, if this is just my baseline now and I can't get better...but I don't even know if the SSRI's will work on me now. 

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You just broke my heart. I know that it doesn't change anything for you, but you are not alone, because I think of you. I know that I am not there, that I a am stranger to you, but if I was there, and if you would accept it, I would never get tired of you. It is impossible, because I love you. I am here for you. I can do very little in the place and the state I am. Maybe nothing. But, still, if you need something, just ask. I hope I could make you some good in some way.You are not a person who is all doom and gloom, or strange or crying. Maybe this is all what you feel. You are free to feel whatever you feel, even if I wish you felt pleasant things. But in you I see Beauty. I see Highness. I see a Gift. I also see a person in dire need, and it feels me with sadness. You are not a failure. You can't be a failure. You are just who you are, and this is an achievement marvelous enough. Even when you feel low. You are not, never was, and never will be a failure.

I will pray for you.

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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Sooty I don't know anything about your meds or going natural...I posted earlier. Feeling pretty crappy myself. Reading you post helped....maybe this is our "normal" and maybe the people who have walked away aren't worth your friendship... I didn't know before taking my meds that there was an addiction possibility no one told me...imagine. I have a very hard time withs meds. Side effects etc.my husband keeps telling me to go natural..good for you for trying something else besides the chemical cocktail drs just want us to take for the kick backs they receive.... As for your goals. Small steps seem to be the best...good luck to you and thanks for posting it helps knowing I'm not the only strange one out there....just keep swimming

Celebrex. 200 mg. jan 2012

Nerve blocks in neck over 6/7 months 3ccs at a time every 2 weeks

Gabapentin300 mg apr 2012

Lyrica 75 mg. sept 2012

Co topiramate 25 mg apr 2013

Apo trimip 25 mg June 2013

Eltroxin. Apr 2013

Cymbalta apr 2013 60 mg

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I'm in the introduction section...hope you are having a better day! I thank God I found this site it saved me yesterday and I know it will again and again as I get off all the meds.

Celebrex. 200 mg. jan 2012

Nerve blocks in neck over 6/7 months 3ccs at a time every 2 weeks

Gabapentin300 mg apr 2012

Lyrica 75 mg. sept 2012

Co topiramate 25 mg apr 2013

Apo trimip 25 mg June 2013

Eltroxin. Apr 2013

Cymbalta apr 2013 60 mg

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  • 2 years later...

I know this is an old post, but if you are still on the site can you please give us an update of your progress?  I hope you are doing better.  Thank you!

Dec 2014 I tried Zoloft 25mg for one week (adverse reaction - extreme anxiety and felt like I was on an amphetamine). Dr. said to quit cold turkey, so I not only quit Zoloft but also 2 weeks of Xanax .25mg -- extreme dizziness, hyperarousal and anxiety began! On Jan. 29, 2015 my psychiatrist put me on new stuff and this is how my next 2 months and 7 days looked like (I was having the same bad reactions to all of these):Effexor XR 37.5mg (3 days) - throwing up, heart palpations, night tremors/convulsions or something where whole body shakes for a second, Prozac 10mg (15 days), Prozac 20mg (7 days) - internal restlessness, electric current through body/brain (not zaps), agitation, intense fear and could no longer nap at this point (still can't today because of this), Lexapro 5mg (4 days) - same as Prozac, a horror show...extreme internal agitation, Lexapro 7.5mg (2 days), Lexapro 10mg (16 days), Zoloft 12.5mg (3 days)...she said try it again since my blood relative does well on it, Zoloft 25mg (7 days) - same as before and getting worse!! Zoloft 50mg (6 days), Zoloft 25mg (4 days and then came off cold turkey on April 8, 2015). I used Xanax .25mg about 7 times per month through all of this until June 30, 2015 (my last benzo dose). Extreme anxiety, nervous system traumatized, mental akathisia, anger triggered by nothing but the brain totally going off on its own, feeling of a pressurized electric current going through me like my brain and body are trying to explode, stress reaction x10000 to everything, waking in terror lasting all day, fear, very sensitive, brain can't keep up, don't know what to do with myself, feeling like everything is going too fast and I can't keep up, helium head, deep depression like something is ripping out my soul, out of my mind, can hardly drive or be alone, cognitive issues, simple tasks are so complex and straining, feel disturbed because the brain can't process anything right even though your brain tries so hard and it makes you go mad, episodes of deep anguish with a sick toxic poison feeling (like you have some unknown virus).

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Sometimes sending a pm to the person will work better for a response.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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  • 2 months later...

How are things going for you now Piscesrising? I just ran across this as I am looking to a begin a taper in a month or so. I was hoping you found some relief somehow.

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