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☼ Petunia: recovering from 13 years of antidepressant use


Petunia

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I want to write something about what's going on with me at the moment, but its difficult to put into words, its not exactly a wave, but its certainly not a window.

 

I stopped taking omega 3 about a week ago because I thought they may be too activating, I'd read several posts from people who can't tolerate it.  Soon after I left it off, I did notice a subtle decrease in my morning to afternoon physical symptoms, including shaking, vibrations, heat surges, waves of neuro-emotions, bad memories and negative thoughts.

 

Its possible it could be an coincidence or even a reverse placebo effect though.

 

But along with the decrease of some symptoms, there's been an increase in nausea, dizziness, loss of appetite, agoraphobia and DP/DR.  I keep asking myself "what's wrong with me, its obvious that some things have improved and yet I feel worse".  Its like as symptoms are decreasing, I'm becoming more sensitive to what remains.  The fog is clearing out and I'm coming face to face with the reality of this experience of life - the inner and the outer.  The clearer it gets, the more overwhelming it feels.  The urge to run back to drugs is strong, but I can't, because they no longer work for me.

 

I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place, poised on this eternal moment, with nowhere to run.

 

This morning I realized I hadn't left the house in 3 days and was starting to not even care.  That scared me, so I sort of panicked and took my very DP/DR self out to the local grocery store to buy what was on the quickly growing shopping list.

 

It was awful, several times I got the urge to leave it all there and come home.  My stomach was churning, like there was a lead weight in there rolling around and around.  It was classic DR, feeling like I was walking around in a glass bubble, not being able to relate properly to everything around me.

 

I got everything I needed and came home and put it all away.  I'm glad I went because it reinforced my knowing that this is something I can't change by changing my behavior.  I often get the idea that I have to 'challenge' my fear and that's the way I will get rid of it, but it really makes no difference what I do or don't do or think or don't think.

 

I managed to eat a piece of toast about an hour ago, it usually takes until about midday until my stomach settles down enough for me to eat, I took one omega 3 and my magnesium, will stick with that for now.

 

It was really hot yesterday, suddenly, like as if Summer suddenly hit in an instant, stormy too, deep rumblings all day, but no rain.  I felt each clap of thunder in the pit of my stomach like the warning growl of a distant lion.

 

 

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place, poised on this eternal moment, with nowhere to run.

 

This strongly resonated with me as I read your story. It is like I am feeling 'too much reality' and it is uncomfortable, I want to find something, anything, to distract myself and nothing is working or for very long. I am still here, things are the way they are and I feel panicky that this is all there is. Why is so hard to just 'be' without anything added to that? I have been feeling more anxious since starting regular meditation, not less. All the airy fairy ideas I had about reaching some mystical state of 'enlightenment' have vanished but my mind still jumps to some 'future' place when things will be 'better'.

 

I can't even tell if I am depressed or not. If I am it does not feel like it did from years back. I certainly have no motivation. The only good thing is that yesterday is the first day in about 3 weeks (I don't really remember) that I didn't burst into tears and crave someone to comfort me. I took 3 short walks yesterday, the rest of the time I was on my bed. I have gotten the first cold I can remember having in years. Last night I thought about telling my friend to give my phone number to a friend of hers I met when we all went on a walk one day. She had told me later that he wanted it and I told her no because she had told me he was 'lonely' and I did not want to deal with another person's loneliness. I distracted myself with visions of back rubs, conversation, long walks. Some moments later I could see it for what it was, distraction by imagining a future. I either do that or bemoan the past or feel stuck in the present.

 

I feel for you Petu, I do not have any answers. I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing and since that is so, I surely cannot offer anyone any advice.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Petu (and CW). The only advice I can offer is to take it easy on yourself. You're right, it really doesn't help to force yourself to do certain things that you're not comfortable doing.

 

I remember being in the grocery store and all I could think about was how bad I didn't want to be there. I was very miserable, i couldn't put anything in the buggy. DH had been doing all the shopping and insisted I go with that time because he was planning a Thanksgiving dinner. I helped all I could but he did most of it, I wasn't much help, at all.

 

Just do what you're comfortable doing and be proud of yourself for that.

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I am sorry Petu;I know exactly how you feel.

Tezza is right about taking it easy.

Have faith Petu, it gets better, very slowly, unfortunatelly. but surely.

I've been there, believe me.

You are doing it great.

 

Love and Hugs, A.

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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I can relate to what you're saying about how some symptoms fade but others take their place...sort of windows and waves overlapping at the same time. And sometimes more subtle, and sometimes really in-your-face intense.

 

And sometimes if we push ourselves a bit to get out and do things it makes things better, and other times it's no better at all, and other times it makes things worse.

 

I'm sorry. It's so hard.

 

It really will get better with time and self-care. Hang in there.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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I can relate to what you're saying about how some symptoms fade but others take their place...sort of windows and waves overlapping at the same time. And sometimes more subtle, and sometimes really in-your-face intense.

 

I can too.  I don't think there's any getting used to the erratic pattern of withdrawal, it's terribly cruel.  

 

 

I often get the idea that I have to 'challenge' my fear and that's the way I will get rid of it, but it really makes no difference what I do or don't do or think or don't think.

 

 

I wonder about this.  There seems to be a second tier to the pain of withdrawal, which is all the ruminating about it, the rejection of it.  I think because of how irregular and dissociative withdrawal is it's very difficult not to obsessively think about it.  For instance, when things get rough I quickly become anxious about being anxious, in pain about the idea of being in further pain.  This seems to make everything exponentially more difficult, and I'm not sure if it's inevitable or not.  Sometimes I feel that it is, certainly.  Other times I'm not as sure.  I definitely think that "challening" withdrawal  does nothing good though, as you say.  

 

Anyway, I'm deeply sorry that you're struggling so much.  You've been a comfort to me during rough patches, and I really hope that things start to feel less difficult soon.  I think it's good to remember that when things are bad our ability to reflect is poisoned, our observations about our progress are not reliable.  This doesn't mean don't reflect, it just means try to keep a little distance I suppose.  Easier said than done, since yesterday I was sure I was back at square one.  Sigh.

 

Feel better, friend, we're with you to the end of this thing.

3 Years 150 mgs Effexor

2 month taper down to zero

3 terrible weeks at zero

Back up to 75 mgs

2 months at 75

6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine.

3 month taper back to zero

1 HORRENDOUS week at zero

2 days back up to 37.5

3 days back up to 75

One week at 150 - unable to stabilize.

Back down to 75 mgs

At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012.

 

"It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche

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Thanks everyone for your comments.

 

:)  I finally figured out how to do a MultiQuote, the learning part of my brain must be starting to work again.

 

This morning I woke up and all the old original symptoms were back - internal shaking, hot and cold flashes, not as intense as they were at first, but enough to notice and so that seems to confirm the fact that I'm having a bad reaction to omega 3's, so I haven't taken any today and this afternoon, those particular symptoms have stopped.

 

I guess I will know for certain in the morning.

 

..... It is like I am feeling 'too much reality' and it is uncomfortable, I want to find something, anything, to distract myself and nothing is working or for very long. I am still here, things are the way they are and I feel panicky that this is all there is. Why is so hard to just 'be' without anything added to that? I have been feeling more anxious since starting regular meditation, not less.

 

.....The only good thing is that yesterday is the first day in about 3 weeks (I don't really remember) that I didn't burst into tears and crave someone to comfort me.

 

....I distracted myself with visions of back rubs, conversation, long walks. Some moments later I could see it for what it was, distraction by imagining a future. I either do that or bemoan the past or feel stuck in the present.

 

...... I do not have any answers. I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing and since that is so, I surely cannot offer anyone any advice.

 

 

"Too much reality"  That's what life is now, the drugs took the edge off it. 

 

Before the medication, for me it was, in order of appearance - food, compulsive self improvement (appearance), sex, alcohol, self improvement (personal growth), searching the world for a soul mate.  Enter Zoloft, and for a while, there was no edge, and before long, there wasn't even much of a middle either, I think that's the point when the 'depression' hit.  From the outside, it must have looked like the medication was 'working', because I started 'taking risks', stepping out into the world in a new way, stepping out of my own boundaries and into a life which wasn't mine.  Not solving the problems and creating a new, functional life, but following the examples around me and 'acting out', in order to get back some feelings, to stop the deadness from swallowing me. 

 

I think I always did have problems dealing with reality, much too overwhelming most of the time, what other people seemed drawn to, was often too much for me, so medication chopped the head off my sensitivity and the result was that I ended up feeling like the walking dead and adjusted my life accordingly by turning up the heat until I could feel stuff again.

 

The fog has mostly cleared away now and I'm looking back at the shattered remains of a life I had very little control in creating.  Most of the time, I thought I knew what I was doing, but now, in hindsight its perfectly obvious I had no idea how to do this life stuff.  No one taught me and I never managed to figure it out by myself.

 

But in spite of stumbling along blindly, jumping from one mess to the next, I always believed that 'the answer', that one magical ingredient or clue or accomplishment, to make everything ok, was just around the corner.  Perhaps that's why the idea of a medication to cure a chemical imbalance was such an appealing idea, it fit in perfectly with my fantasy.

 

But that didn't work and now its just me and reality again, eyes wide open now, and because of that, nothing is working for me either.  I watch the old games my mind tries to play, catching them faster and faster.....meditation does that.  Self insight does it too.  Something I've read, and heard, is that you get to a point, like a place where the road becomes a bridge and if you keep going across the bridge, once you have crossed that part, the bridge crumbles and you can never go back.

 

I think taking medication was my attempt at going back over that bridge.

 

I know what you mean CW about not feeling qualified to offer anyone advice.  I've never felt more certain of my inability to actually know the truth about anything as I do right now.  But in a weird way, its a relief.  I can offer a perspective, point toward a potential solution or just keep quiet, knowing that there are as many versions of truth as there are beings in existence.

 

 

I can relate to what you're saying about how some symptoms fade but others take their place...sort of windows and waves overlapping at the same time. And sometimes more subtle, and sometimes really in-your-face intense.

 

And sometimes if we push ourselves a bit to get out and do things it makes things better, and other times it's no better at all, and other times it makes things worse.

 

I'm sorry. It's so hard.

 

 

..... and what makes it even more confusing, is in the middle of all this cold, hard, awfulness, if I stop struggling and just breathe, I gently float down into a soft cloud of knowing that I'm exactly where I need to be right now....... how crazy is that?  Who needs to be in the throes of protracted anti-depressant withdrawal?

 

Feel better, friend, we're with you to the end of this thing.

 

Thanks Narcissus, I never could have dreamed that one day I would be relying on the support of a diverse group of people across the world, who I'm never going to meet in person, in order to survive an ordeal caused by medicine and my family doctor, people we should  be able to trust.

 

For me, something good is coming out of this.  Its restoring my faith in the goodness of human nature, showing me that there are people in the world who will take the time and effort to try and help others, when they are getting absolutely nothing in return.

 

I seem to be learning to trust again.

 

 

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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, I never could have dreamed that one day I would be relying on the support of a diverse group of people across the world, who I'm never going to meet in person, in order to survive an ordeal caused by medicine.....

 

For me, something good is coming out of this.  Its restoring my faith in the goodness of human nature, showing me that there are people in the world who will take the time and effort to try and help others, when they are getting absolutely nothing in return.

 

I seem to be learning to trust again.

 

My feeling is absolutely the same.

I am having a rough time here in tropical paradise...

 

 My love and support to you ALL.

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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..... and what makes it even more confusing, is in the middle of all this cold, hard, awfulness, if I stop struggling and just breathe, I gently float down into a soft cloud of knowing that I'm exactly where I need to be right now....... how crazy is that?  Who needs to be in the throes of protracted anti-depressant withdrawal?

 

:lol:

 

I know exactly what you mean.  Strange indeed.

3 Years 150 mgs Effexor

2 month taper down to zero

3 terrible weeks at zero

Back up to 75 mgs

2 months at 75

6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine.

3 month taper back to zero

1 HORRENDOUS week at zero

2 days back up to 37.5

3 days back up to 75

One week at 150 - unable to stabilize.

Back down to 75 mgs

At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012.

 

"It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche

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Had a bad day yesterday.  It started late Sunday actually when I noticed some intense waves of neuro-emotions, which rarely happens late in the day.  Then I started getting allergy like symptoms, sneezing, blocked sinuses etc.

 

Yesterday I woke up with an inflamed eye, headache, nausea, diarrhea and increased anxiety which lasted all day.  Today isn't much better, anxiety, racing thoughts, increased sensitivity.

 

Previously, for the last week, I'd been feeling increasingly better and having some moments of enthusiasm and motivation. I'd had 3 successful walks in a row and had been spontaneously going out to do various chores quite happily with little to no anxiety and I had been eating more raw and unprocessed foods.

 

I don't know if this is a 'normal' wave, something totally unrelated or my body sending me some kind of warning because I was 'thinking' about going raw vegan :mellow:

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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It sounds to me like you caught some sort of bug or are having an allergic reaction to something in the air.  Check out Cymbalatawithdrawal5600 Introduction. She is having trouble with a swollen eye, too.  

 

I had trouble with swelling and extreme puffiness around the eye when I was first going through withdrawal, which happened to be about this time two years ago.  I looked like some kind of hideous, partially-hatched creature from outer space for a few days.  I don't know what that was, but I do know SSRIs such as Lexapro mess with the mucous membranes and this is likely what causes the tinnitus that so many of us have.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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  Check out Cymbalatawithdrawal5600 Introduction. She is having trouble with a swollen eye, too.  

 

 

....the weird thing is, I knew this, because I had read her thread, then I got the very same thing.

 

I've developed a method for figuring out if symptoms are withdrawal related, or something else.  (for me anyway)

 

I've had so many weird and wonderful physical symptoms coming and going over the last couple of years, in all parts of my body, but in general, none of the random physical things last longer than 2 days, usually they last about 36 hours and then stop as quickly as they started.

 

The strangest thing I've had is with my teeth, some of them were actually moving, my jaw was hurting and my bite went out of alignment, but in two days it all stopped and my bite was back to normal.  It happened about about 6 months later, but this one only lasted about 18 hours.

 

When I was 17, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, I was in hospital for 2 weeks and was told I may never walk again.  It had started in my left wrist and spread to my knees.  I had so many tests, but they really didn't know what was going on.  I came out of hospital in a wheel chair with an uncertain prognosis.  My Mum took me to an iridologist who put me on a cleansing diet.

 

The RA completely went away and never came back.

 

About a month ago I got exactly the same kind of pain in my left wrist as I'd had back then, it lasted about 18 hours and then was gone.

 

My eye felt quite a bit better when I first woke up this morning and now, right on schedule, its been about 18 hours, its completely better, no redness, soreness or discharge at all.  Yesterday morning it was glued shut.

 

I just wish the anxiety type symptoms would behave the same way.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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I must have stopped checking the website before you wrote about this yesterday:

 

 

...the weird thing is, I knew this, because I had read her thread, then I got the very same thing.

 

How weird! But mine isn't inflamed nor is there any discharge, it is just swollen, the whole area around my eye socket. You mean this could be a withdrawal symptom? For the life of me I cannot think of what could be the physical cause. Like someone punched me in the eye but there is no bruising. I am glad you mentioned your other mysterious symptoms, Petu.

 

The only thing I can think back on is that my friend gave me a comforter and I used it that night assuming it was washed and clean. It would have been touching my face on that side because that's my favorite side for laying. I'll have to wash my sheets and pillowcase and see if it starts to subside. Could be I developed an allergy to her laundry soap. The doctor said it was probably an allergy too and gave me no treatment.

 

I had one other weird thing happen the evening I started the EFT tapping. I lay on my left side to sleep. My right shoulder started shaking uncontrollably. The more I tried to relax it, the more it shook. I fell asleep just as it was calming down. I thought I had read somewhere in your thread here about some kind of shaking you had, Petu, but I couldn't find it. Is this what energy movement feels like?

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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I had one other weird thing happen the evening I started the EFT tapping. I lay on my left side to sleep. My right shoulder started shaking uncontrollably. The more I tried to relax it, the more it shook. I fell asleep just as it was calming down. I thought I had read somewhere in your thread here about some kind of shaking you had, Petu, but I couldn't find it. Is this what energy movement feels like?

 

I'm not sure what energy movement is supposed to feel like, but I've just started to allow/work with, what I'm hoping is a trauma releasing method, and relaxing does seem to increase the shaking.

 

EFT never really did much for me, but it sounds like it may have got some energy moving in your body, or it could have been completely unrelated. 

 

The way I'm thinking about it now is that if part of my body wants to shake or tremor, I'm going to do everything I can to let it, hoping its releasing stored trauma.  I'm so tired of going through all this withdrawal/healing, whatever it is.

 

Have a look at this thread:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3655-long-pasttraumatization-might-seriously-exacerbate-your-complaints/

 

There is a post early on by GiaK with a link to one of her blog entries related to trauma release, some of which involve tremors.  The last post (at the moment) is mine, I've included a link to a play list of videos about TRE (trauma release exercises), so you can see what they look like.

 

I don't think your swollen eye sounds like a withdrawal symptom, more like an allergic reaction to something, but honestly, I don't know, if it doesn't get better soon, perhaps you should go back to your doctor.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Hi Petu,

 

I read everything I could find on TRE and viewed the videos. Since people with 'emotional problems' are encouraged to work with a trained facilitator, I am going to be smart for once and leave it (and the eft) alone for now. But please post your results. I am struggling with my first bout of what must be wd symptoms, this is worse than what occurred earlier in the summer. High tension and anxiety, very frightening thoughts. Who's to say that anything really caused it, I look back and see things were kinda going downhill after I had that massage and started crying a lot. I couldn't seem to integrate meditation in with my emotions, they persistently stayed separate.

 

I hope you are doing well!

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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I read everything I could find on TRE and viewed the videos. Since people with 'emotional problems' are encouraged to work with a trained facilitator, I am going to be smart for once and leave it (and the eft) alone for now.

 

This is probably a good idea, seeing as you're already struggling with increased anxiety and other symptoms now.  I would rather be working with someone who knows what they are doing, but that's just not possible for me at the moment.  I'm also very hesitant to try new things, because I'm so extremely sensitive to any little change, maybe that's why I haven't listened to the CD yet.

 

But the neurogenic tremors seem to be happening by themselves, when I let them, and so far, nothing bad has happened, in fact, I usually feel calmer and more relaxed after they have happened.

 

I'm in another wave, wasn't sure, but I am.  Akathesia was back today, so I paced up and down outside for a while, grateful that I have a back fence again, it was hot out there, so I didn't last long.  Anxiety had reached terror proportions about an hour ago and I was laying on my bed trying to follow something I had read on beyondmeds by Robert Augustus Masters here.

 

This is so very difficult, after having a week where I seemed to be improving daily.  I was even talking about it, saying "I seem to be getting better".  Hope came back and it was so nice to be able to walk around a park and not be filled with dread..... three times.

 

What happened?  Nothing more than the ongoing windows and waves I suppose, but my control freak mind is going crazy, screaming all kinds of suggestions at me, 'sugar' seems to be the culprit this time.  It was those two little cakes I ate on Sunday and then the tiny bit of icecream last night.

 

Realistically, its not as bad as it has been, when at my worst.  The sweating and hot/cold flashes haven't returned.  I'm still getting some relief in the evening and I'm still sleeping well.

 

But the fear/dread, when it gets bad, like it has been again lately, takes me to the edge of sanity, over and over.  I would think I would get used to it by now, but each time, its like its new and a shock and I have to try and figure out how to deal with it from scratch.  Its like each time it arises, my memory of the last time is wiped out, I can't seem to learn how to cope with this.  I get scared that the learning part of my brain is broken, or gets re-broken every time I go through these waves of panic.

 

Now I'm calming down again, higher brain functions coming back online I guess, but at the time, there is nothing going on up there apart from confusion, wild, illogical thoughts and no clue about how to survive for the next moment without going insane.  I wish I could cry, that would probably help, but it feels like years of suppressed grief are in a huge, frozen lump, they wont move.

 

Years of being on medication and then forcing myself to stay strong for my daughter through the he11 years might have broken my ability to cry.

 

I used to cry a lot, I cried my way through the first few years of my marriage, then one day I noticed something about my (ex) husband, he seemed to get a strange look of satisfaction on his face once I broke down and cried when we had been arguing.  One day he told me that he used to intentionally start arguments with his Mom and try and make her cry.  I put two and two together and realized that my husband 'enjoyed' hurting people.  I vowed never to let him see me cry again, I guess the meds helped with that.

 

I hope this wave passes soon, I hate the way they cast a dark shadow over life, giving everything a negative hue.  I'm sorry to be writing such a negative post, but this is the reality of withdrawal sometimes, steps forward and steps back.

 

It didn't help much that I just got a phone call from my mum, I told her yesterday that I had been feeling bad again and today she asked me what I thought had caused it.  So for the millionth time I had to explain *sigh*....... depressing conversation about Christmas.

 

I'm going to stop writing now, my miserableness seems to be feeding itself.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Petu,

 

It is amazing that you have been able to put into words exactly what I have been feeling. My thoughts are chaotic and I am trembling inside.And afraid I am losing my mind. I am imagining all sorts of stuff that could happen and I have no inner resources to cope. Like you, thank goodness I have been able to sleep but I awoke early and had too many thoughts that I got up and turned on my computer. Things look pretty bleak right now. I hope we both get through this, I don't know how to get any relief from being myself.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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....so, its been a week exactly since I woke up on a Monday morning in extreme anxiety. Now I seem to have swung to what feels like its opposite, but probably isn't. In a way it was a relief to not be in extreme panic while laying in bed after I woke up, but not really because I wasn't feeling anything, I had died (again) no brain function going on, just a vague, heavy nausea pulling at my gut.

 

I needed to get up, go check with my daughter about transport arrangements for her exam today, find out if she was feeling better after her possible reaction to some not so fresh seafood yesterday.  But I didn't seem to be caring, so that threw me into an instant panic and got me up.

 

But once everything was sorted out, I sunk right back down.  After reading a few posts on another site with some advice given to someone who was experiencing depression, I decided to follow it myself and force myself to do something.  Apparently this person had made themselves go for a walk and then started to feel better after about 10 minutes.

 

But I did more than just go for a walk, I loaded the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen, took out the garbage, swept up outside and then went for a walk.  But I remained a zombie, even the walk was awful, none of the dread and horror of several months ago, but I was like a thick, gluey blob of nothing, merged with the earth, not even aware of anything, even now, I can hardly relate or remember anything about it.  I didn't start to feel better after 10 minutes.

 

I just re-read the 'Anhedonia, Apathy and Demotivation' topic.  This sentence by Druid jumped out at me:  "It's like a depression but not depression in that nothing i can do seems to impact it in any way. It's like the ultimate chemically induced depression."

 

My bore is getting fixed on Wednesday, and I don't care.  A few weeks ago I was mentally planning sections of the garden, but now.... well, I don't have to detail what A,A and D feels like, that topic does a good job of it and I don't have the energy or motivation right now to add to it.

 

OMG! I just looked at the clock, its almost 2pm, it felt like about 11am, now I'm losing my sense of time.

 

Gratitude is supposed to help, lets try that:

 

I'm glad its not hot today.  I'm grateful the headache I've had all week is gone.... no, that's not working, I'm criticizing myself for not being grateful for the 'right' things, related to the health and happiness of other people.

 

I think I will go now, hopefully this wave will pass soon and if I don't eat any more icecream or chocolate, perhaps I can avoid another dramatic swing like this one has been.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear Petu,

 

i will not attempt any words of comfort.I can only say it's another beautiful peace of writing so clearly depicting that almost ungraspable horror of emptiness.

 

it reminded me of a poem I wrote at 18 while studying and sliding into depression for the first time,without knowing what it was.

 

This is a clumsy attempt of its English translation:

 

I stood up from the table of empty promises

and went to pay a visit,empty handed,empty.

 

I was going after birds that were gray,disappearing into grayness.

 

I was walking like this for long

with noiseless flocks above my head

 

until distances started pressing me

with the harshness of unspoken words

 

and this hurt me so much

that I went back.

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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You are a brave and good human being Petu.

You are doing the right things.

Hang in there, it "will" get better.

 

You are in my thoughts.

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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Petu, your writing is so beautiful. thank you.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Dear Petu,i will not attempt any words of comfort.I can only say it's another beautiful peace of writing so clearly depicting that almost ungraspable horror of emptiness.it reminded me of a poem I wrote at 18 while studying and sliding into depression for the first time,without knowing what it was.This is a clumsy attempt of its English translation:I stood up from the table of empty promisesand went to pay a visit,empty handed,empty.I was going after birds that were gray,disappearing into grayness.I was walking like this for longwith noiseless flocks above my headuntil distances started pressing mewith the harshness of unspoken wordsand this hurt me so muchthat I went back.

thank you Bubble, beautiful.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Thank you,Rhi.I actually enjoy reading posts of people here becuase they so clearly put into words emotions and sensations which are so hard to pin down.

 

Petu's read like a novel and is so powerful.

 

I hope Petu will forgive me for using her journal to bemoan my destiny,so to say:before being put on AD I used to deal with my emotions by writing poems.Not sure my subsequent inability to be creatively in touch with my emotions is due to AD but it may well be...I lost access to my emotions,they got numb...

 

Lot of artists created most powerful works as sublimation of suffering.Petu,not only is your helping many of us here priceless, but your writing is also great.so there is value in suffering as one poet said.

 

I only wish this thought could relieve it for you...

 

While trying to find a book for my friend coping with milder depression but with the "help" of prozac following the family tradition I came across one that I felt I had to buy and warmly recommend:oliver burkeman,the antidote,happiness for people who can't stand positive thinking.Very readable,enjoyable and enlightening mixture of journalist reporting,psychology,philosophy,religion...spiced with British humour...

 

Waiting to hear from you dear Petu,with any updates...

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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Thank you Bubble, Alex and Rhi for your latest comments and support, being heard, by non-judgmental others really does help.

 

I hope Petu will forgive me for using her journal to bemoan my destiny,so to say:before being put on AD I used to deal with my emotions by writing poems.Not sure my subsequent inability to be creatively in touch with my emotions is due to AD but it may well be...I lost access to my emotions,they got numb...  

 

You can bemoan in my journal all you want Bubble :)

 

I also used to write a lot of poetry, like you, to deal with my emotions.  I have to admit that looking back at some of what I wrote during my teenage years is a bit embarrassing.

 

The poetry writing for me slowed down and stopped at some time during my 20's, but I kept journalling.  Even the journalling slowed down and stopped during my years on ADs.

 

The drugs definitely blocked access to my deeper emotions, and now, withdrawal seems to block the ability to transform a felt experience into a form of communication, keeping it stuck, unable to be released.  But slowly, in fits and starts, that seems to be changing.

 

I used to design and make art clocks, from scratch, I taught myself how to paint  using oils and acrylics, that now seems like a life belonging to someone else.

 

Today has been difficult, swinging wildly most of the morning between anxiety and depression, tried to block it out by sleeping for a while, but instead of sleep, my brain produced weird, distorted thoughts and images.

 

Eventually my brain started to cooperate and I began to feel slightly closer to normal, happened about 2pm today I think.  I was standing in the kitchen, waiting for toast to pop up, thinking how puzzling this all is, wondering if perhaps I have a brain tumor and how I would know if I had.

 

Wouldn't a brain tumor create different symptoms depending on where it was located?  Surely a brain tumor would create consistent symptoms, not ones that arrived every morning with the sun and disappear later in the day.

 

I don't think I have a brain tumor :unsure:

 

I woke up in the middle of the night from a vivid, symbolic dream which seemed highly significant, the details have faded now but it was something to do with my sister, ceramic hearts with holes in and trying to find the entrance to a building.  My sister and I used to be very close, but now ... its different, it feels like there's no real connection any more. But I'm unable to feel connected with anything now. I miss what we used to have, but I'm grateful for the times when we were close.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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I too used to write poetry and lost the ability due to psych drugs and withdrawal. So many of use have lost our creativity due to these drugs. 

 

However, Petu, you are still quite a good writer and so eloquent. I hope you'll write stories or books someday, I would like to read them.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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withdrawal seems to block the ability to transform a felt experience into a form of communication, keeping it stuck, unable to be released. 

 

!!!!

 

I felt a huge pang of recognition when I read this.  I've been feeling profoundly "stopped up" recently, far more so than I have ever felt in my life.  Extremely daunting now are situations in which I know I will have to describe my experiences to someone.  I've always talked easily (perhaps even too easily, indulgently) about my own experience, but now it seems to take a massive effort to describe anything internal at all.  I feel a kind of inner strain and terrible weariness whenever I anticipate having to explain myself.  What the hell is this?  Do you have any ideas, Petu?

 

Sorry to splurge all over your thread here, but this has been an ongoing problem for me and I haven't heard anyone else touch on it so directly.

3 Years 150 mgs Effexor

2 month taper down to zero

3 terrible weeks at zero

Back up to 75 mgs

2 months at 75

6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine.

3 month taper back to zero

1 HORRENDOUS week at zero

2 days back up to 37.5

3 days back up to 75

One week at 150 - unable to stabilize.

Back down to 75 mgs

At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012.

 

"It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche

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  I feel a kind of inner strain and terrible weariness whenever I anticipate having to explain myself.  What the hell is this?  Do you have any ideas, Petu?

Sorry to splurge all over your thread here, but this has been an ongoing problem for me and I haven't heard anyone else touch on it so directly.

 

 

I don't know, I might be able to come up with a few theories though.  Maybe something to do with the effect of going through such a horrendous and uncommon experience not only changes our perception of the nature of reality in some ways, but makes it impossible to share this new version with people who haven't been through it. 

 

After a while, getting a lot of blank looks and complete misinterpretations of what we are trying to convey, just makes it seem hardly worth the energy of trying (again).

 

I don't think everyone is changed so profoundly through the experience of medication withdrawal, but for some people it seems to act as a catalyst for deeper transformation and that can make it difficult to continue to relate to the 'old' circumstances, environment, people around us who remain the same.

 

Another theory might be something about chemically suppressed emotions (energy) slowly being released through withdrawal, but becoming trapped in the body because of 'blockages' of some kind...... habit/karma/something to do with chakras?

 

Perhaps its just something simple, like a destabilized nervous system has us continually in a low level of fight/flight/freeze response and that turns off the part of our brain responsible for those higher functions of processing subtle experience and communication.

 

Its ok about the splurging :)

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Just to document:

 

I took one Seriphos at 6am this morning.  No significant difference in symptoms by 10:30, but now, just after noon, I'm feeling more relaxed than at this time yesterday.

 

The problem last time I took them was that I was taking them at different times and in different amounts, trying to work out how best to take them.  I eventually found that they were keeping me awake at night, but it could have been because I was taking too much, or at the wrong times.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Petu, how much Seriphos were you taking at bed time?

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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Alex,

I never took it at bed time because my high cortisol problem is between about 7am and 3pm.  From all the things I read, I learned that you have to take it at times of high cortisol.  But it seems that it takes a few hours to start working.

 

Taking one capsule yesterday at 6am helped a bit.  By noon I was feeling more relaxed than I normally do at that time, and I had no problems falling asleep at night, which is the problem I had with it before.  I felt better than I usually do in the evening, and I usually feel pretty good in the evenings anyway.

 

Last night I woke up briefly at 2am and took one capsule.  I thought that by 6am it should be working well and I would wake up without the huge cortisol surge I usually get.  I still got it, but it was decreased in intensity.  Waking up is usually such a shock to my system that its like I'm jolted awake suddenly in the throes of a panic attack every morning.  Waking up this morning was much smoother.  There was still anxiety, some temperature fluctuations and racing, disturbing thoughts, but not as bad as it normally is.

 

Now its mid-morning and it feels like any effects of the 2am dose have worn off and I'm not feeling too bad, I've had much worse mornings, but I can't go out and do my chores yet, I guess I'm feeling the way I usually do at this time of the day when its not a particularly bad day.   I avoided a few hours of terror and dread though, so that was good.

 

I think that if I could take a capsule at 2am and then another one at 6am, that might work best for me.  Last time I tried to take it, I think I was taking too much and too late in the day.  Its effects may have been wearing off around bedtime and then I would get a small rebound cortisol effect which was just enough to keep me from feeling tired, so I wasn't going to bed.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment

Hello Petu; unfortunately, you are in early w/d.

I know the feelings of dread and terror, because I've been there.But now, they are gone;Waves today have gotten a lot milder, an uncomfortable feeling of anxiety and depression but not the edgy feeling anymore.

You will get better too;just stay on the course, be gentle to yourself, try not to withdraw too much, and you will slowly noticing how things start improving; it is an amazing feeling.

If Seriphos is working ok at am hrs. is fine;keep it that way.

We have to explore and try what is best for us in this battle.

 

Hugs and love to you,A.

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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Petu I'm sorry you have been suffering badly, you are always here with support and wisdom even when

you are in the pits yourself. I hope this wave is soon over for you and the window opens wide. 

Mamma hugs on their way. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Thanks Alex and Mamma,

Today has been a better day.

 

......but yesterday was strange, something happened and my old fighting spirit suddenly returned late in the day.

 

I think I spent most of the day yesterday rebounding from the Seriphos I took too early at 2:30am.  But just before 4pm, I suddenly felt slightly better and decided to go for a walk, went into the bathroom to wash my hands and the sink was blocked, so was the bath.  It had got blocked earlier in the week and I had fixed it with some vigorous plunging with one of those rubber suction things on the end of a stick, now it was worse than ever and it was leaking inside the cabinet.  This is a new renovation, just over a year old, so its very frustrating.

 

I went for my walk anyway, but didn't enjoy it at all, I was angry and anxious.  The more I walked, the angrier I got.  I sat down on the steps of a lookout tower.  A young couple walked by and went up the steps, they were happy and laughing, young, carefree.  I got even angrier, I was never that happy and carefree even when I was that age.

 

In that moment, it seemed like my whole life had been one long struggle and now, here I was, the best of it over, alone, suffering, spending the weekend by myself with nothing but blocked plumbing.  The thought of dealing with a plumber filled me with horror, trying to get a trades person to come out and fix anything, here at the moment is a nightmare.  I'm still waiting for my bore to get fixed.  Trades people are in very short supply here, they all have too much work, never know when they can get to you, make appointments they don't keep and never call to let you know anything.  My neighbor is going through exactly the same thing with his bore, it broke the same day mine did.

 

Anyway, I got very angry, the anger got bigger than the anxiety and I decided to try and fix my plumbing problem myself.  I went and did some grocery shopping and picked up all kinds of drain cleaners and some duct tape.  Came home and started various experiments with pipes and outlets, inside the house and out, to figure out exactly where the problem was.  It was outside, just below ground level, so I opened up the drain cover and started digging around in there.

 

I can't believe what I did, I stuck my bare hand down into a dark, water filled pipe, not having a clue what was down there, images of a big rat, biting off my fingers came into my mind, but I didn't stop.  Got out a few handfuls of my daughters hair, a couple of Q-tips and something I couldn't identify.  I wanted to dig down even deeper into that pipe, see what else I could find, but by then, the rat image had grown into too much of a possibility, which was annoying.  So I stopped and poured a whole bottle of drain cleaner down instead.

 

The instructions had said to leave it 15 minutes and then flush with lots of cold water. So I left it 2 hours and then flushed, then I poured another half bottle down, waited another 2 hours........ in the mean time I had attacked the leak under the sink with the duct tape, actually unscrewed some of the pipes under there to get a good seal with the tape.... it seemed to work.  The drains are running freely now too.

 

But that's not the only anger inspired thing I did last night.  In between drain cleaner one and two, I was thinking about my problem of my bedroom being too light, too early in the morning, I have vertical blinds, but they don't block out all the light and the window is quite big, lots of light comes in starting about 5am.  I've been thinking about having block out curtains fitted, or an outside shutter put over the whole window, but didn't want to do it if it didn't make much difference and as I mentioned before, not really wanting to deal with trades people if I can avoid it.

 

I've been using an eye mask to sleep in, but its getting warmer here now, and its been getting a bit uncomfortable.  The thought of temporarily covering the window with aluminum foil appealed to me as a quick fix, but since going into withdrawal, my confidence at being able to do anything even remotely creative or difficult has been non-existent.  But suddenly, about 6pm, it seemed doable, so I did it.  I covered most of the glass, but left a small part so I can look out if I need to, and so that I can open the window.

 

It was lovely to wake up this morning to a very low level of light, so much more relaxing, I had taken the Seriphos at 4:30am, so that must have helped, would have been nicely kicking in around about the time I woke up.

 

After I finished doing the window, I showered, washed my hair and did some washing, then I made some healthy wraps with fresh spinach and salsa for dinner.  I did more last night than I've done in a month and don't feel any the worse for it today.

 

I just realized something, I used my window to cover my window :)

 

 

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • Member

What an amazing story, I was gripped by it the entire time. I especially loved the last line. I admire your strength so much because mine has fled me. I send hugs!

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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That's brilliant Petu, you channelled your anger and used it in a positive way, how good is that?

I think I'll try that next time I get angry! I love that phrase you 'used my window to cover my window'

 

:)

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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I have said it before; you are a brave, courageous person Petu.

Stay the course; you'll get there eventualy.

 

From "the steaming jungles of Central America" a big hug for you, A.

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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