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☼ Petunia: Recovering from 13 years of antidepressant use.


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#73 cymbaltawithdrawal5600

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Posted 28 July 2013 - 04:11 AM

Knitting and crocheting (and needlepoint and painting and drawing and beading and and and) are 'mindful' distractions in the sense that they give the 'mind' that is ruminating and in chaos (such as mine was after the the the dog peed on the bed) something else to chew on while I try to hold my work life together. I still think and 'ruminate' all the while I am doing it but the task of completing the row and starting the next somehow keeps my thoughts from spiraling into despair.

 

I picked knitting because it is not as easy for me as crochet is, crochet is easier and I need a small bit of mental tension, not something too automatic and 'mindless', to keep my thoughts in check. And I can't follow a complex pattern right now (so that's why a boring scarf). I was intrigued about the 'inner adventure' comment and hunted upthread to find it's source. The chaotic feelings and thoughts I was having when I wrote that are already a dim memory. That's the 'stuff' of our mysterious 'recovery' journey. It happens while we are doing something else.

 

 

I thought about knitting, but don't you have to juggle two long, stick things with that?

 

I think I'm safer starting with one shorter weapon :unsure:

 

ROFL ROFL ROFL


What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivinganti...ion/#entry50878

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

#74 basildev

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Posted 28 July 2013 - 01:47 PM

I thought about knitting, but don't you have to juggle two long, stick things with that?

 

I think I'm safer starting with one shorter weapon  :unsure:

 

I second that ROFL!!!

 

Interesting that cw says crochet is easier - I think knitting is easier but I think that's because I was taught to knit and crochet when I was a kid, but I picked up knitting later on in life. So I've done more knitting that crocheting in my time. But I enjoy both, and you should stick at it Petu because it really is a nice thing to do.

 

I can't explain the sense of calm it gives me to just knit row after row....


July 2001 prescribed 20mg citalopram for depression;
On and off meds from 2003-2006.
February 2006 back on 20mg citalopram and stayed on it until my last attempt at tapering in September 2011.
By far the worst withdrawal symptoms ever. Reinstated to 20mg citalopram
October 2012 - found this forum!
Nov 2012 to Feb 2013 did 10% taper, got doen to 11mg - was going great until stressful situation. Cortisol levels hit the roof, hideous insomnia forced me to updose to 20mg.
March 2016 - close to 100% back to normal!



****** I am not a medical practitioner, any advice I give comes from my own experience or reading and is only my perspective ******


#75 goldensun

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Posted 28 July 2013 - 03:44 PM

Hi Petu

You have made wonderful progress so far, and being able to see it in black and white makes it more obvious. This is particularly helpful, especially when you still feel like !#%$#!!! most of the time. I understand you are wanting to feel "well" again, especially after such a long period of time. I think that you are a champion to have done so well, for so long. I wish you the best and hope you see improvements everyday, even if they are small. I


Started Avanza for post natal depression in 2002
Sept 2011 withdrew over a 3 month period
January 2012 crashed badly and had to reinstate at 30m
June 2012 to Dec 2012 made several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw
February 2013 have been reducing on liquid avanza by 0.5 mg a week or fortnightly
Currently at 23.5mg
29/07/13 - 22mg, whoo hoo - 1/4 of the way there
10/08/13 - 21mg
01/11/13 - 21.9mg

Have had around 12-14 Ambien since start of December 2012

Have been taking Propranolol since 6 December 2012 6 tablets a day

Had 1 dose of Seroquel 1 January 2013


#76 Petunia

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Posted 29 July 2013 - 03:15 AM

.... I understand you are wanting to feel "well" again, especially after such a long period of time. I think that you are a champion to have done so well, for so long. I wish you the best and hope you see improvements everyday, even if they are small.

 

Thankyou goldensun,

you are right about how the length of time makes this healing process so difficult to accept.  I've never let anything keep me down for so long, have always managed to figure out a way to get over difficulties and move on....fast.  The lesson here seems to be that I can't fix everything.  I'm learning, slowly and painfully how to let go of my illusion of control.

 

The great crochet adventure contines..... I learned how to do a single and a half double and then got so engrossed, before I knew what had happened, there was a lumpy blue square hanging off the hook. :)


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#77 Petunia

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Posted 30 July 2013 - 01:51 AM

I had a really weird day today.

 

Started out better than usual, I woke up just before 8am without overwhelming internal trembling, which was good because I was supposed to be driving my daughter to the train station, but when I got up, she was gone.  She had woken up early and had got the bus.  I don't deal well with sudden changes of plans these days and having a teenage daughter means I get lots of practice at it, not good for my stress levels though.

 

I didn't know what to do next, I had been planning to go straight from the train station to the grocery store.  Then the trembling and temperature fluctuations started.  I tried to be grateful that I no longer had to go out, but I knew I was kidding myself, I want to be grateful that my symptoms have stopped so that I *can* go out comfortably.

 

I made some camomile tea and got back into my warm bed, turned on my laptop and mindlessly harvested some virtual crops. 

 

I can't remember what order things happened in next, but I was listening to an audio book, crocheting, having horrible neuro-emotions and then I got a completely new symptom.  I don't know what its called, but my upper body and shoulders started to feel like they were under pressure, sort of pulsating, then it went down into my arms too.  It was very unpleasant and I wondered if the book or crocheting had caused it.  So I stopped both of those.

 

When it gets bad like this, all I can really do is give into it, lay down and just let my body do its thing, stop struggling and pay attention to what's actually going on.  I can't remember much about the next few hours but around 2pm I suddenly found myself putting on layers of clothes, fur lined ugg boots and heading out the door for a walk.  A bit later, back at home, I was contentedly journalling when my dad showed up.  I've always had a 'difficult' relationship with my Father, my family is quite dysfunctional and he has added to the general dysfunction by being extremely controlling, but emotionally withdrawn.  My Mom has dealt with this her whole life by alternating between playing the devoted, submissive role and then when the stress got too much, sort of exploding at him and letting months of resentment flood out.  Then there would be several weeks of silence as they refused to talk to each other.

 

My parents are both in their 80's now.  My Mom comes over on Wednesday and Sunday afternoons.  She fits this in between going to the gym, grocery shopping, the casino and church.  One of her reasons for setting up this visiting schedule with me is to 'help me', so that I will have someone to talk to on a regular basis.  But quite a bit of her visit is often spent with her complaining about my Father and telling me how she has been 'handling him'.

 

This is where it gets weird.  Just lately she has been telling me how much more bossy and controlling he has become, and that he took over her tablets, got them all organized and instructed her what to take and how to take it, then kept reminding her, asking her if she had remembered to take them.  Of course she found this very annoying, but decided to handle it by humoring him and pretending that she was getting confused and was grateful for his help.

 

So now, my dad is worried that my mom is losing her mind and is getting forgetful.  He was telling me the whole story of her medications from his perspective.  Its like a script from one of those insane sit coms. 

 

To be honest, I think its my dad who is becoming forgetful, but he projects his imperfections on other people, he's always been like that. IDK, they're probably both as bad as each other and being stuck in the middle like this puts me in a very strange head space.  In some ways, I'm glad I'm going through this withdrawal and find it hard to get out of the house much or I would probably be caught up in the weirdness much more than I am.

 

Anyway, writing about it has helped, I feel slightly less strange now.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#78 Petunia

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 03:48 AM

A few days ago, someone gave me some coconut oil to try.  I've been cooking with it and stirring a teaspoon of it in with my oatmeal.  Its too early to say if its making a difference with my symptoms, but it smells wonderful and I find myself craving it, wanting to eat more oatmeal just for the coconut smell/taste.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#79 alex

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 03:49 PM

COCO-LOCO!! :)


4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 


#80 Narcissus

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 07:16 PM

A few days ago, someone gave me some coconut oil to try.  I've been cooking with it and stirring a teaspoon of it in with my oatmeal.  Its too early to say if its making a difference with my symptoms, but it smells wonderful and I find myself craving it, wanting to eat more oatmeal just for the coconut smell/taste.

 

If you ever eat eggs in the morning try using coconut oil in the pan instead of butter or whatever, delicious. One of my mother's friends swears that coconut oil helped her recover from something, though I forget what.  Anyway, it can't hurt.


3 Years 150 mgs Effexor
2 month taper down to zero
3 terrible weeks at zero
Back up to 75 mgs
2 months at 75
6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine.
3 month taper back to zero
1 HORRENDOUS week at zero
2 days back up to 37.5
3 days back up to 75
One week at 150 - unable to stabilize.
Back down to 75 mgs
At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012.

"It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche

#81 Petunia

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Posted 01 August 2013 - 09:50 PM

Ok, thanks I will try that.

 

My Dad has gone nuts about this stuff, he spreads it on bread instead of butter and puts some in his coffee.  Apparently its good for certain thyroid problems and Alzheimers. 


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#82 Petunia

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Posted 02 August 2013 - 09:32 PM

On Thursday I surprised myself, I was laughing at cat videos, yesterday I felt some of my old enthusiasm come back, for a little while anyway.  The inner shaking/trembling has reduced, since taking a very small dose of inderal for a few mornings.  I only took it for about 3 mornings I think, but the trembling has decreased and doesn't last as long through the day.

 

But this morning I've woken up to a bad wave of anxiety.  The feelings of terror and panic were back.  Senses exaggerated, I was feeling sounds again.  I started thinking about the circumstances of my life, comparing them to how they used to be.  Then I found myself thinking about the future and got completely overwhelmed, seeing nothing but my life getting worse due to not getting any better than I am now and not being able to make the changes I need to make.

 

I just read the thread on anhedonia, apathy etc and realized I've had that going on for a long time too, it alternates with anxiety and being overly concerned about other people.  I wish I could find a balance.

 

I went into the kitchen to make some camomile tea and started washing a pan that my daughter had left in the sink, while the kettle boiled.  I noticed that I was happy to be washing it, but then I got a sudden surge of heat race through me and started sweating, felt dizzy, like I needed to sit down.  I was so miserable, I can't even stand at the sink and wash a pan and be happy for a few seconds.

 

I just want all these symptoms to stop, and when they slow down for a few days, then come back even worse, its so disheartening.  I wish I could cry about it, but I can't seem to do that any more either.

 

My neighbor has just started cutting his grass.  His wife died from cancer 4 weeks ago, he is still working, going for walks, cutting his lawn.  It makes me feel so ashamed, I can hardly get out of bed some days and just the thought of having to go to a job sends me into a panic.

 

Now I'm wondering if this is something I've done or changed to cause this wave.  Was it the inderal I took at the beginning of the week?  Is it the coconut oil?  I increased my omega 3 caps by one, two days ago, was it that?

 

I sat outside in the sun for a while, that didn't help, made me feel worse actually.  I came in and made more tea and sat on my bed, holding the warm cup in my hands, just feeling it, telling myself that I was safe.  Then I calmed down a bit.

 

My Dad is having bypass surgery in 3 weeks.  I need to be stronger in order to support him and my Mom through this.  Why can't I make myself behave like the person I want to be?

 

I know I'll feel better later in the day, but this morning has been a shock.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#83 basildev

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Posted 03 August 2013 - 12:13 AM

I'm so sorry to see you suffering Petu.

 

My heart goes out to you.

 

It really IS disheartening feeling better for a while and then feeling even worse isn't it? We all understand that here.

 

I often play the 'what did I do to cause this' game in my head when I'm in a wave. It's one I never win(:

 

I hope you feel better soon. {{{{hugs}}}}


July 2001 prescribed 20mg citalopram for depression;
On and off meds from 2003-2006.
February 2006 back on 20mg citalopram and stayed on it until my last attempt at tapering in September 2011.
By far the worst withdrawal symptoms ever. Reinstated to 20mg citalopram
October 2012 - found this forum!
Nov 2012 to Feb 2013 did 10% taper, got doen to 11mg - was going great until stressful situation. Cortisol levels hit the roof, hideous insomnia forced me to updose to 20mg.
March 2016 - close to 100% back to normal!



****** I am not a medical practitioner, any advice I give comes from my own experience or reading and is only my perspective ******


#84 Petunia

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Posted 03 August 2013 - 12:50 AM

Thank you Basildev,

Its funny how it helps, knowing someone else understands, not that I want anyone else to have to experience this.

 

.......this strangest, perplexing and most frustrating condition one could imagine :huh:

 

As bad as I was feeling this morning, this afternoon has surprised me.  After dropping my daughter at work, I found myself heading to the mall.  I thought I might be going there to grab some of the yummy, Chinese take-out that goes out at half price this time of day, but no, I walked straight past that.

 

I wandered into the pet shop, worried that I might find myself buying a puppy, but no, I walked back out of there.

 

It was the oddest sensation, to be walking around, quite relaxed, not having a clue where I was going, then suddenly finding myself browsing through racks of shirts in a discount clothing store.  Shopping for clothes was the last thing I wanted to be doing.  I've basically been living in the same several items of clothing for the past year, just because its too complicated to figure anything else out.  I used to have a huge wardrobe and loved mixing and matching and accessorizing, but that all died with my brain, about 2 years ago.

 

Anyway, here I was in B & L, picking out complimentary tops and pants in what I figured was my size and heading to the fitting rooms.  I hate trying on clothes, even when I'm not withdrawing, this didn't make the slightest bit of sense to me.  This morning I was a shaking ball of panic, feeling like leaving the house was as dangerous as stepping off the edge of a cliff and here I was trying on discount clothing in a busy Saturday afternoon mall.  Then I lined up at the checkout and actually bought some of the stuff.  Why?  I have no idea, I don't go anywhere to wear it.  I even came home, cut off the tags and hung it up in my closet.

 

I wonder if it was the 2 squirts of Bach flower remedy I sprayed under my tongue just before I left the house :unsure:

 

Whatever it was, its worn off now because I just got a text message from my Mum, saying they are staying with my cousin an extra day and I started imagining all kinds of irrational, paranoid things about what that actually meant.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#85 cymbaltawithdrawal5600

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Posted 03 August 2013 - 05:04 AM

 

This morning I was a shaking ball of panic, feeling like leaving the house was as dangerous as stepping off the edge of a cliff and here I was trying on discount clothing in a busy Saturday afternoon mall.

 

{Darn those windows and waves! How can they change so rapidly like that? From morning to afternoon? Gimme a break!}

 

I sure hope you keep writing about your experiences, I am hanging on to every word.


What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivinganti...ion/#entry50878

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

#86 Petunia

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Posted 08 August 2013 - 08:18 PM

I'm in a bad way at the moment.  Seems to have been getting worse every morning for the last few days.  Worse part about it is I can't seem to communicate properly.  Having a hard time understanding what I'm reading too.

 

Incredible anxiety and nausea, lasting well into the afternoon and my short term memory has vanished again.  Overwhelming, racing thoughts about all kinds of irrelevant stuff keep flowing through my mind, random memories from my past.

 

My daughter's friend came over last night.  She is going on Prozac.  She says its a last resort, she knows its bad and has heard a lot of negative things, but she feels like she has no choice.  She can't afford any more counseling, and it hasn't helped all that much anyway.  I did my best to discourage her, told her about what I've been through, gave her my dialectical behavior therapy work book, but she is still going to try it.

 

She moved out of a difficult family situation, in with her boyfriend and his family, but that situation to me sounds even worse.  He is unmedicated diagnosed bi-polar with anger issues.  She cant be at the house unless he is home, and so often she is without a place to go.  She says that because they both have emotional issues, they trigger each other.  So she has decided to take meds to numb her own emotions so that she doesn't trigger him as much.  The sad part is that she is so smart, was in college, but her life is slowly falling apart through one bad decision after another, but I can't see any easy solutions,  there just isn't the right kind of affordable support available.

 

I'm feeling so hopeless.  Can't seem to help myself, can't help anyone else.  Humanity falling apart all around me.

 

I'm going to leave off the coconut oil for a while, I have been feeling worse since I started using it.

 

Don't even want to post this, seems completely pointless...... oh well.

 

 


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#87 cymbaltawithdrawal5600

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Posted 09 August 2013 - 06:50 AM

Sweetie, please hang in there. Please?


What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivinganti...ion/#entry50878

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

#88 Petunia

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Posted 09 August 2013 - 07:15 PM

Thanks, I am.  Hanging on, hanging in, keeping going.  Staying alive.

 

When it gets this bad, I doubt that all I have going on is withdrawal.  Piece by painful piece, everything I believed about myself and about life seems to be dissolving.  While I sleep, my dreams and nightmares strip away my security and I wake suddenly in a cold sweat, knowing that every nightmare is a reality for someone at some time and that makes it a reality for me.

 

I woke up this morning thinking about homeless people and dogs and how they are treated in our society.  For the majority of my adult life I've been concerned about issues related to equality and justice, but not like its 'hitting' me now.  Its suddenly become very personal for some reason.

 

I don't watch TV, or read newspapers and haven't since withdrawal became bad, but I get enough reality from the world around me and the internet and I've become so sensitive, everything I hear or read feels like its happening to me.  There's no escape any more.  I used to be able to have a drink or watch some mind numbing TV show or get engrossed in a game, but I can't do those things any more.  I guess the years of medication was taking the edge off reality too.

 

I'm still having a hard time writing, putting my experience into words, not even sure why I'm trying, but it feels like I need some kind of connection with people who possibly understand.

 

My mum stopped by yesterday afternoon.  I was holed up in my bedroom because my house was full of teenagers doing what teenagers do and I couldn't face the intense energy of it all.  My daughter answered the door, my mum didn't want to come in, she was just dropping off an enchilada.  I wasn't even sure what an enchilada was.  I don't know why she did that or why she thinks I need one.  It irritated me, then I felt bad for feeling irritated.  Its not her fault that her basic method of solving every problem is to feed it, lack of food was a real problem in her childhood.

 

I remember as a child, when I was sick, at home, in bed.  I longed for her to just come into my room and sit with me.  But she was always so busy..... cleaning, cooking, racing around.  She would bring me food, come and check on me, but wasn't capable of just being with me for a while, it was like..... fix me and run.

 

I can't really expect anyone to just be with me now, so I'm trying to be with myself, but now my 'self' or the self I used to know is disappearing, I'm losing my ability to keep myself company and its getting very scary, I've never felt so alone.

 

Last night I accidentally watched a youtube video of a spiritual teacher who sometimes makes sense to me, but other times falls into the trap of describing something like as if that then becomes a 'prescription' of it.  Someone was having a problem with their experience of life and he said.  Just be like a pair of eyeballs, floating in space, with no brain attached.  She asked him 'how'.  But there was no answer.  There is a brain and thoughts and feelings are racing around, for whatever reason, there is no controlling it.

 

The sun is heading towards another magnetic pole shift, apparently it happens every 11 years, magnetically or energetically it effects the whole solar system.  So I'm wondering, am I feeling this in my sensitized state?  I get so desperate to understand so then I get a sense of control where there seems to be none.  I used to feel comforted, just knowing that I had a bottle of Xanax in my fridge.  I rarely took them, when I was on a regular dose of Lexapro, but just having them there made me feel like no matter how bad things got, I would be able to cope because I could take one to calm me down so I could get through the situation.  But now I've got nothing to fall back on because nothing works any more.

 

No more words are coming now, well, nothing which makes any sense, so I guess I will press the post button.

 

 


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#89 cymbaltawithdrawal5600

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Posted 10 August 2013 - 03:41 AM

 

When it gets this bad, I doubt that all I have going on is withdrawal.  Piece by painful piece, everything I believed about myself and about life seems to be dissolving.

 

I believe (based on my experiences and reading about the experiences of others) that all facets of our 'self' experience withdrawal. Our thoughts, our dream life while sleeping, our 'personality', our spirituality, ALL of us (down to our toenails) experiences the change from a 'medicated' state to a 'it's ME with no meds' state which we here term 'withdrawal'.

 

As I read people's posts I see the desperate need to 'get it over with' already because we absolutely hate it. I think the term itself is absolutely perfect because you can put all of the confusing thoughts, feelings (and weird physical sensations if you have them) in the box called 'withdrawal' and stop 'worrying' about them, stop taking them personally and just do whatever you have to do to get through the days to a place where you look around and say "Life is Good".

 

Posting your thoughts on SA is a way of putting your stuff in the 'withdrawal' box. You have these feelings and thoughts, you choose words to describe them, you type a post till you get to the part where

 

 

No more words are coming now

 

You stop. Then you hit post. And you do it over and over and over again, several times a day if needed. It worked for me when I was in the exact same place your words describe. Staying off medication is a goal for me, so I do whatever it takes to get through the days. Including eating junk food and not taking supplements. But that is just me. I do whatever seems to 'work' at the time.

 

Does a box of ice cream know we call it 'junk food'? In it's essence, it is just food. I bet not every person on the planet calls it 'junk'.


What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivinganti...ion/#entry50878

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

#90 Petunia

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Posted 14 August 2013 - 01:01 AM

I think I'm coming out of this wave.  I'm posting something, that's evidence.  This has been a bad one, a scary one, been hanging on in the dark with my light completely extinguished.  Still having problems forming sentences, figuring out what I want to write, but there seems to be a point now in trying.

 

My dysfunctional mind is flapping around as usual, telling me it was caused by the coconut oil or increasing fish oil or accidentally exposing myself to some kind of toxin I'm not even aware of.  I'm sure none of that's true.  Ok, I'm not sure, but now I seem to be a bit more stable again, my brain must be functioning slightly better and it seems more likely I was just in a typical wave, caused by nothing apart from the usual pattern of recovery and re-wiring.

 

I miss the coconut oil in my oatmeal.  That was one of the few almost pleasures I had left, now I'm scared to try it again because coming out of this wave has coincided with stopping coconut oil and going into it happened soon after I started using it.

 

I hope the abandoned members of PP find their way here or somewhere else.  I'm struggling to understand how a decision like that could have been made, with no warning.  There's a saying, something about power coming with responsibility.  I'm going to shut up about it now.  :(


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#91 Petunia

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Posted 14 August 2013 - 09:29 PM

I did some more of my crocheting yesterday.  My blue square has now turned into a blue 'long thing'.  I learned several stitches and I'm doing the biggest one so it grows fastest, but I can only do it for about 10 minutes and I get tired.  Its like my brain can't focus any longer and I feel I need to put it away to 'rest'.  Is this normal or a withdrawal effect.

 

Today I finished doing my daughter's tax return and sent the claim online.  I've been dreading doing it, then once I started, I dreaded having to go back to it.  I was like in a state of semi-panic through the whole process, finding it hard to focus on reading all that 'stuff'.  I actually skipped a lot of it and relied on getting the warnings at the end that I hadn't done some parts.  I've done this 3 years in a row for her.  The first time I wasn't in withdrawal and I remember it being a kind of fun challenge.  Last year was difficult, but this years seems like it was the worst, although I got it done a lot faster this time.

 

Anyway, its done now and I'm suffering from the increased stress with stomach pains and muscle tension. Arms and shoulders are trembling. :(


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#92 goldensun

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Posted 14 August 2013 - 10:53 PM

Hi Petu

 

Good for you for having doing the tax return. Mine are usually late, and that is even when the accountant does it. I'm going to attempt to do my own this year, but it certainly won't be doing it online, that is way too adventurous for me.

 

You should be very proud of your blue "long thing". I think it is great to try something new and challenge your brain. I used to be so creative as a child, but I somehow lost that trait as I got older. The thought of doing anything mildly creative sends me running these days. I think it is because I am so bored, because I don't have the motivation to try something new. I don't think I have ever been so toxically bored as I am now. I know I can't push myself to do things and I don't feel like connecting with people, so it all becomes monotonous and the same thing everyday - exist and not really "live" and go through the motions and get up and do the same the next day - big sigh!!

 

I am really happy to hear that you are coming out of your last wave. I wish you well and hope that you continue to improve.

 

Goldensun


Started Avanza for post natal depression in 2002
Sept 2011 withdrew over a 3 month period
January 2012 crashed badly and had to reinstate at 30m
June 2012 to Dec 2012 made several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw
February 2013 have been reducing on liquid avanza by 0.5 mg a week or fortnightly
Currently at 23.5mg
29/07/13 - 22mg, whoo hoo - 1/4 of the way there
10/08/13 - 21mg
01/11/13 - 21.9mg

Have had around 12-14 Ambien since start of December 2012

Have been taking Propranolol since 6 December 2012 6 tablets a day

Had 1 dose of Seroquel 1 January 2013


#93 Petunia

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Posted 15 August 2013 - 07:31 PM

Thanks Goldensun,

 

.....but this morning was a bad one and now I'm not sure I'm coming out of the wave.  I woke up suddenly, not sure what time, and I was flooded with overwhelming sensations of anxiety, as bad as ever.  It was like being frozen in terror, then the dreadful thoughts started.  I did my best to focus on my breathing, telling myself that they were just thoughts and harmless sensations, but it went on for hours.

 

I have to go out now, and I'm not sure how I'm going to manage, the situation around me is a bit stressful this morning.  My waves and windows seem to correlate with what's going on in my life, if I can get a couple of peaceful, predictable days, then I start to feel better, but life around me doesn't stay predictable for long.

 

I'm so sad that this has been going on so long, I can no longer be the person I want to be.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#94 goldensun

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 01:13 AM

Hi Petu

I so sorry that you are having a bad day today. I hope you feel better real soon.

 

Goldensun


Started Avanza for post natal depression in 2002
Sept 2011 withdrew over a 3 month period
January 2012 crashed badly and had to reinstate at 30m
June 2012 to Dec 2012 made several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw
February 2013 have been reducing on liquid avanza by 0.5 mg a week or fortnightly
Currently at 23.5mg
29/07/13 - 22mg, whoo hoo - 1/4 of the way there
10/08/13 - 21mg
01/11/13 - 21.9mg

Have had around 12-14 Ambien since start of December 2012

Have been taking Propranolol since 6 December 2012 6 tablets a day

Had 1 dose of Seroquel 1 January 2013


#95 alex

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 12:09 PM

 

I'm so sad that this has been going on so long, I can no longer be the person I want to be.

 

Hi Petu; I am sorry for you, for me, and for everybody in this situation.

But I MUST admit it gets better.I am a living example of this.

Despite my deep fears about this condition, I am getting SLOWLY better.

I don't think that we will be the same person after we get through this tunnel anymore.

In my case, I am glad b/c I was a inmature,insecure, weak individual.The old Alex lead me to take AD.

We say in spanish:"lo que no te mata te hace màs fuerte" "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

I used to be wreckless, and take many things  for granted...not anymore.

 

You are in early w/d Petu.Hang on,take care of yourself, and things will be slowly improving.


4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 


#96 Petunia

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 06:57 PM

Thanks Alex,

I also believe that saying about going through difficult times makes us stronger.

 

I keep forgetting that I've only been off ALL medication for about 3 months.  I quit regular Lexapro in the middle of 2010, crashed at the end of 2011 and have been suffering badly ever since, that's been almost 2 years of CNS instability.

 

During most of that time, I was also dealing with a lot of situational stress, and have been for the best part of the last 7 years.  Before that I was in an abusive marriage.  Its only been the last year that my life has settled down comparatively, but now I'm extremely sensitive to even the smallest stressors.

 

I know I'm going to heal from the medication, but I get scared that I'm going to be left with PTSD from all the trauma in my life, plus the added trauma of withdrawal.

 

I must be improving though, because 6 months ago, I didn't even care, just wanted my life to be over so I could get some relief, I was so tired of struggling through life.  But now, at times, I do want to get better and try and find some happiness and peace in life, rather than out of life.

 

I need to learn how to live for myself, rather than be here just to fill the needs of other people.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#97 Petunia

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Posted 18 August 2013 - 05:05 AM

I just ordered some Seriphos, having it shipped to Australia.  Trying to do something about this morning cortisol, today was worse than ever.  I woke up suddenly about 6am and basically couldn't move for about 3 hours.  Every movement, breath and thought sent waves of heat, trembling and extreme dread/terror through me.

 

At first I tried just laying still, focusing on my breath.  But thoughts, words and images kept coming into my mind.  Even benign thoughts sent my body into a turmoil.  So I silently chanted to myself 'let go', with every breath, it was the only way I managed to stay sane, I had to keep this up for about 2 hours, sort of like forced meditation.

 

Eventually it subsided slightly, enough for me to actually get up and go to the bathroom.  But that movement then sent more waves of trembling through me.  There was nausea and dizziness and trembling and sweating, going hot and cold with huge waves of emotion. 

 

I had to take my daughter to work at 11am and hoped it would calm down a bit in time for that.  By 10:30 it was slightly better, enough so that I could drive the car.

 

About 1:30 in the afternoon, I suddenly started to feel significantly better, so I went to the local grocery store to find something for dinner.  Now its just gone 8:30pm  and I'm feeling fairly normal, so I'm planning to get up early in the morning, go for a nice walk and then cut the grass in my front garden.

 

Then I might.........

 

But tomorrow morning will arrive and it will be exactly the same as this morning and every morning for the last 20 months.

 

My dad is having bypass surgery on Wednesday.  When I thought about it this morning, the levels of fear and worry about it made me feel like passing out.  But thinking about it right now, there is hardly any emotion at all, just a kind of calm, faith that he will be in good hands and get through it and be much healthier after.

 

I'm like totally different people from morning to night.  In the morning, its like I wake up possessed by a demon, or several of them.  As the day progresses, one by one they fall off, then eventually, I'm me again.  Then I go back to sleep at night and they all climb back in while I'm not watching.  :angry:

 

So I ordered some Seriphos.  I"ve tried so many different supplements and formulas and herbs and foods, none of them have helped significantly, most have made it worse in one way or another.

 

Maybe this one will work, or at least help.  I'm not sure how much more of this I can endure.

 

The anxiety I used to feel before going on these medications was nothing......NOTHING, compared to this.  If/when I recover from this, I can't imagine being scared of anything normal.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#98 Nikki

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Posted 18 August 2013 - 05:58 AM

Petu when I read your introduction this morning it was like reading my own.  Hit home.  Many similarities.  Sensitive person, marriage, and mostly all the other things.

 

For many years I too have what you described above "the morning to night plight".  I am in it now.

 

I think the worst part of getting off drugs is the emotional aspect.  I am finding it helpful to run things by my daughter as a gauge of sorts, so I don't get worked up over something that I should probably let go of.

 

Feel foryou


Intro: http://survivinganti...ndown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine


#99 alex

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Posted 18 August 2013 - 09:44 AM

Hi Petu; the transition from being awake-asleep, asleep-awake can be tricky in w/d.

I know how you feel.It has gotten better for me;it it is a wax and wane thing, but with an overall improvement, no doubt.

I have been taking Seriphos for several months now.I am doing much better especially regarding anxiety.This includes insomnia.I still have very broken sleep, but the dread, too hot feelings have subsided and I can go back to sleep quite easily.

Is it Seriphos? time? both? I don't know, but I'm better.

Don't expect any miracles with the supplement, give it time.

Start with 100mgs 4hrs before sleep.


4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 


#100 Petunia

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Posted 18 August 2013 - 06:02 PM

I think the worst part of getting off drugs is the emotional aspect.  I am finding it helpful to run things by my daughter as a gauge of sorts, so I don't get worked up over something that I should probably let go of.

 

 

 

:)  I seem to be the opposite, I'm continually asking my daughter if its actually cold in the house or just me.  Usually its just me because I'm shaking so much I think I'm cold.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#101 Petunia

Petunia

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Posted 18 August 2013 - 06:05 PM

Start with 100mgs 4hrs before sleep.

 

Thanks Alex,

I have read different information about how to take it, I wasn't sure what to do.  But I will try this way first.

 

Do you still just take 100mg per day?


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#102 alex

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 01:05 PM

 

 

Do you still just take 100mg per day?

 

Yes,maybe I'm gonna start trying 200mgs but you have to be carefull, because PS can cause insomnia, especially with doses higher than 300mg


4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 


#103 Petunia

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Posted 24 August 2013 - 02:33 AM

My Seriphos arrived yesterday :)

 

I wrote about my initial experience of them at the end of this thread here:

http://survivinganti...dosage/?p=61000

 

They seem to be helping, but I need to get the dose right.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#104 Rhiannon

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Posted 24 August 2013 - 07:47 AM

Oh Petu, I hate cortisol mornings too, and mine are not nearly as bad as yours! I'm sorry. Please do keep us posted about the Seriphos. I bought a couple of bottles but only tried it once and had a really bad day (probably not due to the Seriphos though).  I'm very curious to hear how it works for you.


Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease" as I was told. Long and tragic story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything.

 

Now tapering, ironically (but not surprisingly) healthier and more functional than I ever was during the years on the "meds," even with withdrawal (usually fairly mild at this slow pace).

 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 14 2011:   86 mg Neurontin   144 Lamictal,    5.5 Celexa   0.42 Xanax      1.9 mg Valium

Feb 16 2012:   10 mg Neurontin   115 Lamictal     3.7 Celexa   0.285 Xanax     2.0 Valium

Feb 22 2013:   86 Lamictal    2.05 Celexa       0.23 Xanax      1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

Now:                43                    0.625                 0.0775            1.3

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.


#105 alex

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Posted 24 August 2013 - 09:09 AM

My Seriphos arrived yesterday :)

 

I wrote about my initial experience of them at the end of this thread here:

http://survivinganti...dosage/?p=61000

 

They seem to be helping, but I need to get the dose right.

 

Why don't you start with 100mg at bed time?

I repeat, it may take some time.

 Wish you luck.


4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 


#106 Petunia

Petunia

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  • LocationAU

Posted 27 August 2013 - 01:21 AM

I'm still experimenting with the Seriphos.  So far I've tried taking 1, 2 and 3 at a time.  Taking 2 at around about 10:30pm seems to be about right for me.  When I took 1 at night, I still woke up a lot, but not with hot flashes and sweating.  Last night I took 2, fell asleep about 11:30 and didn't wake up until 5:30.  Then I took 2 more and went back to sleep until 8am.

 

But it seems they are not helping much with the morning cortisol.  Even on the morning I took 3 of them.  I suppose they are helping in as much as I'm able to play a few games and read and watch videos in the morning, but not comfortably because even with the seriphos, I'm continually going hot and cold, shaking and sweating, but they seem to do something to allow me to distract from it, on the morning I took 3 of them, I felt strange, like I was in a bit of a trance, hyper-focused on what I was doing.

 

I also think that since I've been taking them, the cortisol goes down slightly earlier in the day, around 12 - 1pm rather than 2 - 3pm.

 

I'm feeling disappointed that they haven't been a 'miracle cure', I couldn't help hoping that they would be.  But I think they are helping and I probably need to take them consistently for a few weeks to be certain.

 

I will probably stick with 2 at night and 2 in the morning for now.

 

The waves of dread and negative emotion whenever I do anything, are remaining minimal now and have been for about a week, but I don't think that's related to the Seriphos.  A couple of times while grocery shopping today, I felt the beginnings of panic, because I had a rather long list, but it went away and I was able to get everything.  But when I was finished, with everything put away, I was very tired.

 

A few months ago, I really didn't want to be alive.  I could see nothing positive in my future and most of my present moments were extremely uncomfortable and I wasn't sure it was ever going to change.  Every morning I woke up into a version of hell, similar to the previous day.

 

I still can't see anything positive in my future.  Nothing has any appeal, I'm still sort of hanging on for other people, hoping that one day I'm going to have some energy, motivation and enthusiasm for something more than just doing what I need to do to get through the day and take care of my minimal responsibilities.

 

For me, this isn't just medication withdrawal, its turned into a major existential crisis, or a 'dark night of the soul'.  The person I used to be just doesn't seem to exist any more, I have no idea what I've been doing all these years, can't relate to that person any more, like as if I was just playing some kind of role.  Maybe this is more of a withdrawal effect and I'm seeing more into it, but it really feels like something has died and I'm waiting for something completely new to come out of this.

 

My whole perspective of life and people has changed.  I don't see the world the same way.  There is no more mystery and wonder.  This is a metaphor for what its like:

 

I was in a huge, exotic, exciting building, with lots of locked doors, some of them I had opened and explored and had various experiences.  There were a few doors which remain locked, then suddenly the last few locked doors were flung open and I saw inside the rooms, they were completely empty and I realized that there were no more mysteries.... this is as good as it gets, there is never going to be another hidden promise behind a locked door.....if that makes any sense.

 

I'm struggling to find reasons to do things now....and yet sometimes I find myself doing things which I never would have done before.  I bought a new pizza pan, one with holes in.  I don't know why I bought it because I can't imagine ever eating a pizza again, I can't imagine eating anything ever again, until I actually get hungry. It makes grocery shopping difficult at the time, because if I'm not actually hungry, then I just don't see the point in buying anything, I have to force myself to actually buy what I have on the list. Before, I would have taken the pan out of its packaging, given it a quick wash and put it away, but I spent ages getting the stubborn little sticker off the bottom of it...perfectly, so there wasn't a trace of it left.  I didn't know why I was doing it, it didn't matter if it had stayed on the pan.

 

Anyway, I'm rambling, so I will stop.

 

 

 

 


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#107 Rhiannon

Rhiannon

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Posted 27 August 2013 - 03:27 AM

Petu, so much of what you describe sounds familiar, from the various writings I've read over the years by other people going through the same kinds of changes.

 

I really think this is withdrawal, and you're going to get yourself back. You'll be changed by the experience, but you will be you.


Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease" as I was told. Long and tragic story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything.

 

Now tapering, ironically (but not surprisingly) healthier and more functional than I ever was during the years on the "meds," even with withdrawal (usually fairly mild at this slow pace).

 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 14 2011:   86 mg Neurontin   144 Lamictal,    5.5 Celexa   0.42 Xanax      1.9 mg Valium

Feb 16 2012:   10 mg Neurontin   115 Lamictal     3.7 Celexa   0.285 Xanax     2.0 Valium

Feb 22 2013:   86 Lamictal    2.05 Celexa       0.23 Xanax      1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

Now:                43                    0.625                 0.0775            1.3

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.


#108 Petunia

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Posted 27 August 2013 - 05:18 PM

Petu, so much of what you describe sounds familiar, from the various writings I've read over the years by other people going through the same kinds of changes.

 

I really think this is withdrawal, and you're going to get yourself back. You'll be changed by the experience, but you will be you.

 

Thank you Rhi, 

 

Do you know of anyone who has felt like this and then has fully recovered and regained their sense of themselves?  If you could point me in the direction of a success story that I could read, maybe that would help.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes