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☼ Petunia: Recovering from 13 years of antidepressant use.


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#1333 ravijaua

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Posted 28 September 2016 - 08:09 PM

Dear Petunia,

I hope your windows turn into permanent states.

Ravi


Update 12232016

Zoloft  2004. Effexor 2004-2006. Paxil 20 mg for 2006-2010. Ct 2010, bad effects back on, stable by 2011.  Poopout June 2015. Added Zoloft 1.2 mg , increased up to 25 mg stable for a while, then stopped.

Sep 2016 paxil 16.2 mg alone(295 mg pill weight). Started tapering 11/14/2016.

Took off 1 mg pill weight(total pill weight of 20 mg = 365 mg and 16 mg is 295 mg). Went down 1 mg per week of pill weight so down to 291 mg by end of November. Starting getting anxiety issues starting since 12/10/2016. Hoping that a faster taper will help.

12/14/2016 - 15.95 mg (291 mg pill weight)

12/16/2016 -  15.83 mg (289 mg pill weight)

12/23/2016 -  15.67 (286 mg pill weight)


#1334 Petunia

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Posted 27 October 2016 - 10:34 PM

Wow! I think its been over a month since I logged on here. I never thought the day would come where this site was no longer my daily source of comfort, validation and survival.

 

I guess I'm due for an update.

 

I'm not recovered, but I'm feeling a lot better than I was at the beginning of the year. The worst is over now, I'm sure of it. Unfortunately, its taken the best part of 5 years for me to get to this point and I don't think I will be able to declare full recovery until some time next year at the rate this is going, but I'm happy to be out of the darkest part of the woods.

 

To summarize: I stopped taking lexapro via a two month taper at the end of 2010, after being on anti-depressants for about 13 years. Initial withdrawal lasted about 6 weeks. Then I was reasonably well for about 3 months, until strange new symptoms started to arise. I had no clue at the time what was going on, but I was going into delayed, protracted withdrawal.

 

I progressively got worse through 2011 - 2013. All the time I was trying to manage my increasing symptoms with various medications and supplements. I acquired a new diagnosis and tried various new medications, but everything made symptoms worse. By early 2013 I was suicidal. I was losing weight frighteningly fast, my hair was falling out, I wasn't sleeping properly, I was living in a state of terror through most of the day. Nothing in my brain or body was working right and I didn't know why.

 

Finding this site in May 2013 probably saved my life. So its now been about 3 1/2 years I've been completely drug free and living a very simple, quiet, clean lifestyle. I've been a prisoner in my own room, unable to go out and do things because everything has felt overstimulating to my nervous system.

 

But thankfully, I'm closer to normal now. My baseline state feels like I'm at about 75% recovered on an average day.

 

I wrote a long list of symptoms early in this thread, so I'm not going to go through it and say what has gone. Its easier now to say what remains.

 

I still wake too early with a sense of urgency and hyper-arousal. But I can no longer call it terror. On some days it almost feels like excitement, but my body is still reacting abnormally in the mornings and doesn't start calming down until some time passes. But these days its unpleasant rather than being unbearable.

 

I still have some temperature dysregulation issues, random nerve pains that come and go, head, neck and shoulder pain which gets triggered by physical type stress... but all very bearable now.

 

I still have intermittant blurry vision, some dizziness, cognitive and memory issues and I still get overwhelmed easily by noise and chaotic environments. But its not the nightmare it was. I still get mild DP/DR, but its about 10% of what it was when I was at my worst.

 

I'm still experiencing neuro-emotions and mood swings through the day, but they are mild now. My own emotions have returned, and they are feeling overwhelming at times, its taking some getting used to... but I like them. I like being able to experience true depth of emotion again, to feel life flowing through this body like its supposed to. I didn't realize how numb I had become being on those pills... like only being half alive all the time.

 

I still have tinnitus in the middle of my head and right ear.... that's about it I think.

 

The cycles of dread, terror and depression have stopped. I'm no longer living in a constant nightmare. I'm back at baseline after a recent wave, followed by a 2 week window and I'm happy to have reached this level of recovery, even though its taken so long.

 

I'm going to be saying that it took me 7 years to recover from 13 years of antidepressant use.... the next year is going to be easy after what I've been through and survived.

 

For anyone reading this, at the beginning of their recovery, don't be concerned. Most people don't take this long to recover. But for me I think it was the combination of long term use, ongoing, long term stress, which continued for another 2 years, menopause, lack of social support and a significant spiritual shift..... it all hit me at the same time.

 

Wishing everyone a happy holiday season if I don't get back here for a while.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#1335 Bruin

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Posted 28 October 2016 - 12:34 AM

Wonderful Petunia.....Iam so happy for you after the long and brave fight. Inspirational ...May your recovery continue apace.


Anti Depressants for  25 years. Valium between 2006 to 7 tapered off over a month without too bad withdrawals.

For last 15 years 150 mg of Effexor and 30 mg of Mirtazapine. Occasional short term benzo use without habituation.

March 2015 stopped Effexor after rapid taper. 6 weeks. 

One month fluoxetine June 2015...stopped CT July 2015.

October 2013 to December 2015 Zopiclone 15 mg at night,

Dec 2015 to Early March 2016 Lyrica 75 mg at night. 

Stopped too quickly as  adverse side effects.

January to May 2016 tapered Zopiclone to 7.5mg 

Crossed over to Valium and now ..March 28th 2017 Benzo Free.

Also on 30 mg Mirtazapine and holding until have finished Benzo taper.

IN protracted WD from Effexor.

 


#1336 Junglechicken

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Posted 28 October 2016 - 01:07 AM

There is hope for us all.

Wonderful news Petu, you made it through to the "other side", from the darkness to light.

Your courage, patience and faith got you there.

Hugs,
JC

<p>Feb 2014 -Cipralex/Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms disappeared over a few days. Have been on this dose ever since and am experiencing "windows" and "waves". Nov 15th 2016 Re-started Therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT. Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 4th Jan 2017. Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment starts - anti-Candida diet starts as diagnosis of Candida Related Complex (CRC). 24 March 2017 DETOX (3 weeks) started for anti-Candida to help "re-set" my gut. April 2017 "Genova Testing 3 day stool sampling" Comprehensive Analysis.  Gut Cleanse - 6 weeks.  Plan to re-start taper (liquid Cipralex/Escitalopram) when feel ready.


#1337 apace41

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Posted 28 October 2016 - 08:12 AM

Petu,

 

Your message is one of hope for all of us.  I know how low you were at the depths and seeing you with the confidence that you are past the worse is truly wonderful.

 

Keep enjoying and come visit us when you can.  Your words are always valued even though I understand why you are around less these days.

 

Best,

 

Andy


Started Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg circa 2000; Sx Spring 2012. increased to .5 Clonazapam - no improvement; Started taper of K November 2012 (benzo sites said "taper benzo first"); increased Sert to100mg no improvement; Finished K microtaper in November 2014
Started Sertraline taper from 100mg in December 2014 by reducing to 75mg; Reduced to 62.5mg on January 1, 2015 and 50mg on February 1, 2015; Held at 50mg through April 5 when I got Rx for liquid Sertraline
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet on 10/5

Held through February with no noticeable change

March 2016 attempted to begin taper again but miscalculated into 1 week accidental updose to 32.5mg; dropped back to 25mg for 1 week; tapered to 22.5mg the following week; hit with symptoms and tried to stabilize between 22.5mg and 25mg.  Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy. Was dealing with horrible insomnia which had me sleeping once every other day.  Went back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016.  October 1 cut 4% to 24mg.  November 1 cut 8.3% to 22mg. December 1 cut 9% to 20mg.  Not great but functional. 2/1/17 cut 5% to 19mg.  Taking Spray-on Magnesium, Magnesium supplements, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Co-Q10, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine


#1338 elbee

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Posted 28 October 2016 - 05:16 PM

Thanks for the update, Petunia, and great to hear you are in a better place! 75% sounds pretty damn good :)


1990 (age 20, in college) - First major panic attacks (diagnosis, PD, GAD, Depression). Prescribed 100 mg sertraline, 2.5 mg lorazepam. Tried to reduce meds several times but essentially took these meds for about 25 years.
Summer of 2014 - Quit drinking alcohol and 3.5 month taper off all meds under doc supervision. October 2014 - Return of severe panic attacks, with 8-month "SSRI/Benzo chase" to try and stabilize. June 2015 - Found a drug "reinstatement" (more drugs than I had ever been on) that stopped the panic attacks, but was left with severe anxiety, depression, and numerous side effects: 150 mg sertraline (Z=Zoloft), 15 mg mirtazapine (R=Remeron), 2 mg clonazepam (K=Klonopin)

-- Begin new taper -- 12/11/16: Z=100 mg, R=6 mg, K=1 mg, 11/13/16: Z=100 mg, R=7.5 mg, K=1 mg, Z=100 mg, R=7.5 mg, K=1.5 mg, 9/1/16: Z=112.5 mg, R=7.5 mg, K=1.5 mg, 7/27/16: Z=125 mg, R=7.5 mg, K=1.5 mg, 5/1/16: Z=135 mg, R=7.5 mg, K=1.5 mg, 4/10/16: Z=150 mg, R=7.5 mg, K=1.5 mg, 3/1/16: Z=150 mg, R=7.5 mg, K=2.0 mg

My introduction thread.


#1339 btdt

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Posted 30 October 2016 - 10:21 AM

"For anyone reading this, at the beginning of their recovery, don't be concerned. Most people don't take this long" 

 

I am not sure why Petu but this line if evoking an emotional response from me... I am just not sure of the emotion... I look at the avatar faces and can't decide which emotion I am feeling... hysterical maybe but grinning to at the number of times I have written the exact same sentence. Not sure I will sort myself out on my own time as I tend to not type and think too well these days. 

 

I just wanted to say it takes as long as it takes... I guess and we don't always have to spare people our pain do we ... or the length of out pain ... I am not here too much of late maybe that is a good thing.  Bad attitude and all that... 

 

It just seems at some point the scale tips... maybe after five years maybe after 8 who knows it may be different for each of us... but at some date does it go from 

 

this won't happen to you cause I have to care for you cause I know how horrid the early days are and how little you know or have to support your early healing.... 

 

to 

 

FIVE years... are you fing kidding me you have earned the right to rage.. go have at it five years is too long for anything not rewarding not paying and not fun... 

 

I know this is likely out of line... it is just me today... still 

 

I wish you all peace long timers and newbies.... 

 

peace all B

 

For anyone reading this, at the beginning of their recovery, don't be concerned. Most people don't take this long


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivinganti...ng-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)


#1340 LexAnger

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Posted 30 October 2016 - 08:18 PM

Great update Patunia!
Your strength and patience are inspiring! I'm so happy for you that you are at the WDnormal!
I believe you will see lots more improvement and can't wait to hearing more great news from you!
<p>2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg, first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, slight improvement with pain2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR2016 Feb., started fast taper for the drug toxicity caused by the one dose of 4.2mg, dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, sliding Down to 0.13mg by 2/13, then 0.07mg since 2/18, 0.06mg 2/20-3/17, 0.13mg 3/18

#1341 grandmaD

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Posted 31 October 2016 - 11:17 PM

 I never thought the day would come where this site was no longer my daily source of comfort, validation and survival.

This is good news!  You must be starting to live your life again!

I'm not recovered, but I'm feeling a lot better than I was at the beginning of the year. The worst is over now, I'm sure of it. Unfortunately, its taken the best part of 5 years for me to get to this point and I don't think I will be able to declare full recovery until some time next year at the rate this is going, but I'm happy to be out of the darkest part of the woods.

I sure hope this continues to be the case!  I hope it just keeps getting better and better!

To summarize: I stopped taking lexapro via a two month taper at the end of 2010, after being on anti-depressants for about 13 years. Initial withdrawal lasted about 6 weeks. Then I was reasonably well for about 3 months, until strange new symptoms started to arise. I had no clue at the time what was going on, but I was going into delayed, protracted withdrawal.

Sounds like my story!

I progressively got worse through 2011 - 2013.

I find this comforting because this has been my experience also.  I thought I would improve as I tapered but after my tapering began in 2011 I found that each year got progressively worse with 2014 being the worst.

,Unable to go out and do things because everything has felt overstimulating to my nervous system.

Yep, can relate to that.

I still wake too early with a sense of urgency and hyper-arousal. But I can no longer call it terror. On some days it almost feels like excitement, but my body is still reacting abnormally in the mornings and doesn't start calming down until some time passes. But these days its unpleasant rather than being unbearable.

I found this interesting as this is exactly my problem also.  I cannot tell if it is anxiety, stress, fear or excitement, but it sure isn't pleasant and there's no getting back to sleep.

I still have some temperature dysregulation issues, random nerve pains that come and go, head, neck and shoulder pain which gets triggered by physical type stress... but all very bearable now.

The temperature issue is intereresting also that you still have that and I experience that and the other pains also which is a big issue at the moment.

 My own emotions have returned, and they are feeling overwhelming at times, its taking some getting used to... but I like them. I like being able to experience true depth of emotion again, to feel life flowing through this body like its supposed to. I didn't realize how numb I had become being on those pills... like only being half alive all the time.

Does this mean we haave to learn all over again to deal with negative emotions like anger and so on?  I guess we never realised how numb we were/are, your right there.

I still have tinnitus in the middle of my head and right ear.

I still have this also and at present is quite high at times and irritating

I'm going to be saying that it took me 7 years to recover from 13 years of antidepressant use.... the next year is going to be easy after what I've been through and survived.

Well, there is hope for me yet! 

Wishing everyone a happy holiday season if I don't get back here for a while.

I hope we hear from you before then!  Please keep us updated, even if it is to say you are the same or even better, which is what I hope will be the case!


1995                20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  2000-2004 - Years of tapering and up-dosing (fast) (resultant suffering)

2004-2007       Daily 20mg

2008                Switching to Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg (worst year ever for w/d by far, plus gall surgery-developed arrythmia

2015                2.5% taper.  4.4mg - 4.0mg (gall surgery/anaesthetic continued to make things even worse)

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5 (finally imp. from gall surgery)

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;


#1342 AliG

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Posted 01 November 2016 - 09:33 AM

Petunia. I'm so very happy that the tide is starting to turn for you and that you are starting to see some light and hope at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Your patience is hopefully being rewarded with some healing and recovery. You deserve this and I hope you continue to make progress in leaps and bounds in the coming months.

Much love,

Ali 


Many SSRI's &SSNRI's over 20 years . Zoloft - 7 years .  Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and many more - on and off . No tapering. Cold turkey -  Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                            Drug free since May, 2014
.
             "Find a place inside where there's joy and the joy will burn out the pain" - Joseph Campbell


#1343 grandmaD

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Posted 01 November 2016 - 03:49 PM

HI Petunia - again!  I was just wondering how your sleep patterns are now?  Also if you experienced long periods (like months) with fatigue, lethargy and tiredness?  How are your energy levels now?


1995                20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  2000-2004 - Years of tapering and up-dosing (fast) (resultant suffering)

2004-2007       Daily 20mg

2008                Switching to Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg (worst year ever for w/d by far, plus gall surgery-developed arrythmia

2015                2.5% taper.  4.4mg - 4.0mg (gall surgery/anaesthetic continued to make things even worse)

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5 (finally imp. from gall surgery)

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;


#1344 Purplestars22

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Posted 01 November 2016 - 09:20 PM

It's so great reading your update Petunia! Amazing that you are 75% healed. Your story gives me hope that I will heal too. It's only going to get better for you from now on congrats! Ps22
Celexa 20mg 2008-2012 for Social Anxiety
Failed attempt to stop reinstated
1 year taper skipping doses
Celexa free 12/2013
1/2014-5/2014 took 5 htp every other day
Failed Reinstatement 5mg of Celexa on 12/2014 for 5 days only

#1345 Altostrata

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Posted 06 November 2016 - 12:49 PM

Petu, so happy to hear you're doing better. It's been a long, long road.

 

I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol



to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

#1346 Flowers

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Posted 08 November 2016 - 02:27 PM

What a wonderful update Petunia!

 

What a long road to recovery you have been on but at last you are seeing such a great improvement. I am thrilled for you and hope we hear more good news in your next update.

 

xxx Flowers


15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM
MAY 2014   Increased to 40mgs
SEPT-NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10mgs as per Dr's instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations
 Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.
DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes, limbs, muscle pain, fluct. temp,weakness,depression,anxiety,nausea,giddy,
Walking like I am drunk.
DEC 2014 Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.
DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.
DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. Haven't taken any BROMAZEPAM for 2 weeks +.
APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.
JAN 2016 CIT:Started taper. Reducing by 5%. 28.5mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs. FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit.

#1347 dalsaan

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Posted 13 November 2016 - 02:20 PM

Hi Petu

So happy things have turned for you. This has been a hard journey for you but you have been amazing in it. I admire your courage -to keep putting one foot after another, to maintain hope, to put your experience to good use moderating here and now to let go of SA as a daily survival tool.

I'm proud of you, I'm happy for you and I wish you the best from here on

D xx
Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.
Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.
Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.
Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.
Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).
Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

>My intro post is here - http://survivinganti...ic/2250-dalsaan

#1348 Petunia

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Posted 07 December 2016 - 11:58 PM

Wow! I came back to write a little update and I have my sun symbol, such a nice surprise, I guess I really am recovering, thanks Alto.

 

.... and everyone else who has commented.

 

I will definitely write a success story when I feel ready, in fact I found myself composing the first few paragraphs in my head the other day while I was on my way out somewhere.

 

But, I'm in a little bit of a wave at the moment, perhaps that's what has brought me back here now. But its more of a ripple compared to what they used to be like.

 

If it wasn't for the accompanying watered down version of the morning horrors, I might mistake these current symptoms for something completely unrelated to withdrawal and take myself to the doctor to be checked for something more serious.

 

But jaw pain, breathing problems, fatigue and throat issues coincided with a return of morning anxiety/dread, so I know its a wave.

 

But I've had a wonderful few months of feeling better than normal, where I've been able to appreciate life in a way I've never experienced before, so I'm not complaining at all. I know the sun will be back again soon.

 

:)


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#1349 brassmonkey

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Posted 08 December 2016 - 12:38 AM

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mg it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2016

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking


#1350 apace41

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Posted 08 December 2016 - 05:38 AM

Wow! I came back to write a little update and I have my sun symbol, such a nice surprise, I guess I really am recovering, thanks Alto.

 

.... and everyone else who has commented.

 

I will definitely write a success story when I feel ready, in fact I found myself composing the first few paragraphs in my head the other day while I was on my way out somewhere.

 

But, I'm in a little bit of a wave at the moment, perhaps that's what has brought me back here now. But its more of a ripple compared to what they used to be like.

 

If it wasn't for the accompanying watered down version of the morning horrors, I might mistake these current symptoms for something completely unrelated to withdrawal and take myself to the doctor to be checked for something more serious.

 

But jaw pain, breathing problems, fatigue and throat issues coincided with a return of morning anxiety/dread, so I know its a wave.

 

But I've had a wonderful few months of feeling better than normal, where I've been able to appreciate life in a way I've never experienced before, so I'm not complaining at all. I know the sun will be back again soon.

 

:)

 

 

In a lot of ways, Petu, this is even better than a super upbeat everything is awesome post because it shows where you REALLY are and that you are REALLY healing!

 

So happy you are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Best,

 

Andy


Started Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg circa 2000; Sx Spring 2012. increased to .5 Clonazapam - no improvement; Started taper of K November 2012 (benzo sites said "taper benzo first"); increased Sert to100mg no improvement; Finished K microtaper in November 2014
Started Sertraline taper from 100mg in December 2014 by reducing to 75mg; Reduced to 62.5mg on January 1, 2015 and 50mg on February 1, 2015; Held at 50mg through April 5 when I got Rx for liquid Sertraline
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet on 10/5

Held through February with no noticeable change

March 2016 attempted to begin taper again but miscalculated into 1 week accidental updose to 32.5mg; dropped back to 25mg for 1 week; tapered to 22.5mg the following week; hit with symptoms and tried to stabilize between 22.5mg and 25mg.  Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy. Was dealing with horrible insomnia which had me sleeping once every other day.  Went back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016.  October 1 cut 4% to 24mg.  November 1 cut 8.3% to 22mg. December 1 cut 9% to 20mg.  Not great but functional. 2/1/17 cut 5% to 19mg.  Taking Spray-on Magnesium, Magnesium supplements, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Co-Q10, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine


#1351 bromor

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Posted 08 December 2016 - 01:54 PM

I was SO happy to read this.  There is always hope & our bodies are made to heal (even if it IS way longer than we would like!).

 

Hope you have a wonderful holiday season.


On Zoloft for 10 years (50 mg) for GAD & panic attacks

Weaned off fall of 2013, terrible set back in Feb '14 back on 100 mg & trazadone to sleep.

Did CT off of Zoloft in May 2014 - bad decision!

Back on 50 mg Zoloft & Xanax as needed (was upped to 75 mg by doctor in Feb 2015)

Started to wean off of Zoloft in April 2015 ~ totally off Zoloft in Oct 2015 and now am on Buspar 11.25 mg to help with physical symptoms.

I was on a 50 mg pill & 25 mg pill - I cut the 25 mg pill in half (12.5) and took that with the 50 for 6 weeks - 1st week June 2015

 50 mg for another 6 weeks. 25 mg in half and the 50 mg in half (37.5), 25 mg mid Sept for about 2 weeks.,1/2 of the 25 mg last week of Sept/1st week of Oct then off.

Update** 9 mg Zoloft reinstated early Nov 15, along with 1.5 mg Buspar daily. On .50 of Buspar & 9 mg of Zoloft. Oct '16 - off of Buspar, Nov '16 - down to 7.5 mg Zoloft. March'17 - 4 mg Zoloft.

I also take magnesium, L theanine, Gaba Calm, L Glutamine, Vit B complex(for methyl issues), Liver & Gall bladder support, Vit K, Zinc, Whole Food Vit C & Cod Liver Oil. DARE & the bible are the tools I use to help navigate this withdrawal process.

 

 


#1352 LexAnger

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Posted 08 December 2016 - 07:28 PM

So happy to hear this!
Hug hugs hugs,
<p>2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain; Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg, first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg, slight improvement with pain2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR2016 Feb., started fast taper for the drug toxicity caused by the one dose of 4.2mg, dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, sliding Down to 0.13mg by 2/13, then 0.07mg since 2/18, 0.06mg 2/20-3/17, 0.13mg 3/18

#1353 Petunia

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Posted 24 December 2016 - 03:09 AM

:)  I thought it would be a good idea to log in and write a bit of a holiday update. Thanks for all the comments and support guys, I'm glad my recovery is giving some of you hope.

 

I'm still having some wavy periods and I've just got over a bout of bronchitis, which was added stress and probably caused the last little wave. I can honestly call them 'little' waves now, as opposed to tsunamis.

 

I've been in a stressful situation over the last few weeks, but I'm not sure if the added stress caused the wave, or the wave has made the situation feel more stressful than it actually is. I'm still feeling like my 'normal' emotions are stronger than they should be and I'm struggling with them at times. But life in general is so much better now. This will be the first Christmas since withdrawal started that I actually want to leave the house and go visit my family.

 

Last week I spent some time with relatives who are visiting from the UK, who I haven't seen in years. They have visited several times while I've been sick and I haven't been able to see them... but its great to finally be able to socialize again and feel comfortable.

 

I'm still exercise intolerant and have to be careful not to over-exert myself. But so many of my symptoms have gone away completely and even the tinnitus has reduced to a degree that I hardly notice it any more. Its still there, but it doesn't bother me at all now, I'm just not as sensitive.

 

When in a wave, the morning doom/dread feeling is like a shadow of what it was in the worst times. And when I'm not in a wave, its gone completely and I wake up enthusiastic about the day.

 

Sleep is pretty much back to normal now and I'm able to nap during the day again. When in a wave, I wake from daytime naps feeling a bit toxic and weird, but they are refreshing. When I'm not in a wave, daytime naps are completely wonderful again. I'm able to appreciate the simple things now.... like naps, sitting in the sun and enjoying a cool breeze..... I can relax again... its such a blessing and every day now feels like a gift.

 

Wishing everyone a good holiday season and continuing recovery.

reindeer-antlers-smiley-emoticon.gif


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#1354 Jncs

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Posted 24 December 2016 - 06:25 AM

Hi Petunia,

SO glad to hear your optimistic update. You are an inspiration to me and my husband (btw, he is much better.)
Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Good Health in the New Year! :)
Nov 2013 - Insomnia. xanax, slept well 5 days. Insomnia returned. Lexapro, benzos (xanax or lexotan). Agitation starts. Jan 2014 - See Dr A, given Mirtazapine, slept better. Quetiapine, Lorazepam. Agitation, low mood, nervous, short yelling. Jul 14 - See Dr M. Mirtazapine. Sodium Valproate, Valdoxan, Sulpiride, Tianeptine, Effexor, Lyrica, Venlafaxine. Nov 14 - Mirt. Olanzapine 5mg. Dec 14 - Agitation worsens, morning yelling. Addicted to benzos. Warded for ECT. Jan 2015 - almost 90% recovered but only for 1 month, milder agitation and yelling returns. Apr 15 - Agitation returns, stop supplements. consulted TCM, took the wrong advice, stopped all meds. Hysterical yelling all day. May 15 - Mirt15mg (night), Olan 15mg, add Vortioxetine 10mg every am. Chlorpromazine 25mg 3x daily. June 15 - V Bad agitation, loud yelling AM to night. Addicted to benzos. warded for uni ECT. after 1 week, mild agitation and morning yelling returns. 4/8/15 - Mirt, Olan, Vort. Trifluoperazine 1mg 3x (replace Chlorpromazine). 18/8/15 - Olan 10mg, Vort 10mg am, Trifluoperazine 1mg 3x. Prozac 10mg (am). Mirt 7.5mg. 24/8/15 - Olan 10mg, Vort 10mg (AM), Trifluoperazine 3mg, Prozac 20mg (AM). Mirt11.25mg (Nite). 6/9/15 - Ditto, Prozac down to 15mg. V Bad am agitation and loud yelling. See Dr G, PART 1 TAPERING. 14/9/15 - ditto, Prozac 10mg.17 Sept - ditto, Trifluoperazine 1mg. Stop antihistamine Promethazine. 23 Sept - Trifluoperazine 1/2 mg. 28 Sept - Trif 1/4mg daily.1/10/15- Stop Trifluoperazine.2/10/15- Olanzapine 10mg, Vortioxetine 10mg, Prozac 5mg, Mirtazapine 12.8mg. 9 Oct - ditto. Prozac 2.5mg. Some good days, milder yelling. 16/10/15 - ditto. Stop Prozac. Yelling caused by restless agitation fr 7am - noon. 23/10/15 - Olan 9.5mg. up at 6am, takes AM walk daily to distract restless yelling. 31/10/15 - Olan 9mg. 6/11/15 - Yelling more aggressive and lasts longer for the week. Reinstate Olan to 9.2mg. Vort 10mg, Mirt 12.8mg. Hols 26/11 - 8/12/15, mild yellings 5/12 days, most days gd mood. 30/11/15 - Olan 9mg. 5/12/15 - Olan 8.8mg. AM agitation yellings 5/7 days. 10/12/15 Olan 8.4mg (Am 3.8mg, Nite 4.6mg, Vort 10mg, Mirt 12.8mg. 20/12/15 Mirt 12mg, Olan 8.4mg, Vort 10mg. AM yellings. Jan 2016 - see Dr L, up Mirt 30mg, Olan 10mg, stop Vort. zzz loud yelling 4pm. withdrawn. Feb 16 - See Dr D, adv to start tapering Olan. Yelling and agitation till late PM. Nervous, afraid to go outdoor. Mar 16 - Milder yelling on some days/mornings. Still nervous. 29/3/16- less nervous, more willing to go out. AM agitation, short yellings. 2/6/16 Shorter sleep, up by 6am. 1/8/16 - More good days. No yelling since mid Sept. milder AM agitation. (Hols 29/11-10/12, no agitation!). Dec 2016 - Agitation eased on most AM.
Feb 2016
- Olanzapine 10mg, Vortioxetine 5mg, Mirtazapine 15mg
<p>
Olanzapine - 13/2/16 7.5mg, 29/3 6.25mg, 2/5 5mg, 2/6 4.75mg, 2/8 4.4mg, 20/8 3.75mg, 18/9 2.5mg, 17/10 1.875mg, 5/12 1.64mg, 22/12 1.5mg
Vortioxetine - 23/12/16 3.85mg,
Supps: Fish oil 3000mg, magnesium 200mg, Vit C 1000mg, probiotics. Antihistamine ad hoc days.

#1355 direstraits

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Posted 24 December 2016 - 09:25 AM

this is so inspiring to read!....at a time we need it....so happy for you!

 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,Petunia.  xo


went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.also levothyroxine for hypothyroid.


#1356 Flowers

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Posted 24 December 2016 - 11:18 AM

Wonderful to read especially  after all you have been through!

 

Merry Christmas!

 

xxxx


15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM
MAY 2014   Increased to 40mgs
SEPT-NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10mgs as per Dr's instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations
 Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.
DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes, limbs, muscle pain, fluct. temp,weakness,depression,anxiety,nausea,giddy,
Walking like I am drunk.
DEC 2014 Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.
DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.
DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. Haven't taken any BROMAZEPAM for 2 weeks +.
APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.
JAN 2016 CIT:Started taper. Reducing by 5%. 28.5mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs. FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit.

#1357 Bruin

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Posted 24 December 2016 - 01:01 PM

So good to read Petunia.....Merry Christmas and may 2017 be a great year of continued healing.

 

All the Best 

 

Bruin


Anti Depressants for  25 years. Valium between 2006 to 7 tapered off over a month without too bad withdrawals.

For last 15 years 150 mg of Effexor and 30 mg of Mirtazapine. Occasional short term benzo use without habituation.

March 2015 stopped Effexor after rapid taper. 6 weeks. 

One month fluoxetine June 2015...stopped CT July 2015.

October 2013 to December 2015 Zopiclone 15 mg at night,

Dec 2015 to Early March 2016 Lyrica 75 mg at night. 

Stopped too quickly as  adverse side effects.

January to May 2016 tapered Zopiclone to 7.5mg 

Crossed over to Valium and now ..March 28th 2017 Benzo Free.

Also on 30 mg Mirtazapine and holding until have finished Benzo taper.

IN protracted WD from Effexor.

 


#1358 apace41

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Posted 25 December 2016 - 11:03 AM

So great to hear this, Petu!

 

You are definitely on the way to being fully healed and back to a normal life.

 

So happy for you!

 

Happy Holidays!

 

Best,

 

Andy


Started Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg circa 2000; Sx Spring 2012. increased to .5 Clonazapam - no improvement; Started taper of K November 2012 (benzo sites said "taper benzo first"); increased Sert to100mg no improvement; Finished K microtaper in November 2014
Started Sertraline taper from 100mg in December 2014 by reducing to 75mg; Reduced to 62.5mg on January 1, 2015 and 50mg on February 1, 2015; Held at 50mg through April 5 when I got Rx for liquid Sertraline
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet on 10/5

Held through February with no noticeable change

March 2016 attempted to begin taper again but miscalculated into 1 week accidental updose to 32.5mg; dropped back to 25mg for 1 week; tapered to 22.5mg the following week; hit with symptoms and tried to stabilize between 22.5mg and 25mg.  Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy. Was dealing with horrible insomnia which had me sleeping once every other day.  Went back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016.  October 1 cut 4% to 24mg.  November 1 cut 8.3% to 22mg. December 1 cut 9% to 20mg.  Not great but functional. 2/1/17 cut 5% to 19mg.  Taking Spray-on Magnesium, Magnesium supplements, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Co-Q10, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine


#1359 grandmaD

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Posted 26 December 2016 - 04:43 PM

Awesome - I'm putting your post on the fridge for inspiration!


1995                20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  2000-2004 - Years of tapering and up-dosing (fast) (resultant suffering)

2004-2007       Daily 20mg

2008                Switching to Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg (worst year ever for w/d by far, plus gall surgery-developed arrythmia

2015                2.5% taper.  4.4mg - 4.0mg (gall surgery/anaesthetic continued to make things even worse)

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5 (finally imp. from gall surgery)

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;


#1360 Rain

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Posted 27 December 2016 - 12:09 AM

Nice to hear you are getting much better! 

 

Have a nice holiday!


2006 October Zoloft 50mg for anxiety. After 1.5 years stopped gradually in one month. Then relapsed after 4-5 months took back for 5 years then up dosed to 100mg 1 year.

2013 March Lexapro 10mg for 18 months to 2015 September.

2015 September increased to 20mg for 7 weeks but getting worse: heart beating to 125bpm, no appetite, nausea, hands trembling and extremely worsening anxiety, restless.

2015 3rd November dropped back to 10mg directly, heart beating reduced during the first month, heart beating calmed down on the 2nd month.

Since 2016 Still bad anxiety (obsessive negative thinking) , stomach upset, slightly depressed(since W/D always a bit depressed...), first 4 months constently no windows

After 4 months, up and down... 10th month, big horrible wave hit, (now known as Akathisia symptoms). Lasts 2 months, started lessening a lot. 

2016 11th November taper to 9mg, was good for 1.5 week, then Akathisia hit again for 4-5 days then good windows for a while. This keeps for 1 month.

2016 20th December akathisia started again with new intense restless legs symptom and insomnia symptom. Better after 2 weeks, then up and down. 

2017 8th Feburary Symptoms worsening, for recent 5 days almost 7/24, unbearable, usually much worse after taking, to 4 hours after taking, severe heart palp up to 135bpm. 

2017 3rd March Taper to 8.8mg for experiment. Fast taper start: 10th-8.6mg, 12th-8.2mg, 17th-8.0mg (Sleeping much better, heart rate dropped). 22rd-7.7mg (missed a dose, symptoms worsening). 27th-7.4mg.

April 2nd- 6.9mg (WD start), 19th-6.5mg.

 


#1361 WinningThrough

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Posted 27 December 2016 - 04:38 AM

So, so glad you're starting to feel better Petu!
The only way out is through.

Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia
Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn
Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg
End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg
End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg
End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn
April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014
29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever
29 June 2014 - med free

#1362 btdt

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Posted 27 December 2016 - 11:42 AM

Happy New Year Petu maybe this is your year.


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivinganti...ng-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)


#1363 Petunia

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 10:39 PM

Thanks for the support and holiday wishes. I'm so happy my recovery is giving some of you hope and inspiration. When I was going through the worst of it, I desperately clung onto descriptions of symptoms reducing or ending, needing the evidence that recovery is possible so that I could have some hope. But from my gloomy, withdrawal tinted  perspective, I was convinced that recovery wouldn't happen for me, that I was going to be the exception, and would be doomed to suffer for the rest of my miserable life but I still needed that little bit of hope to get me through each difficult day.

 

I remember numerous times, reading an inspiring post about some improvements which had happened and being filled with hope while reading. But then instantly, the doomy, hopeless feelings would return. It took a long time before a positive, optimistic outlook actually stuck around for more than  few seconds.

 

I'm still in the same wave as when I last posted, but managed to have a nice Christmas, not that I did anything special. Just being able to feel ok and even happy at times made it seem like the best Christmas ever.

 

The last couple of mornings have been quite bad and I had to resort to breathing exercises today in order to calm myself down. I think this spike in a minor wave may have been caused by eating spicy, Indian food for dinner two nights in a row.

 

I'm also caught up in a moderately stressful situation, which I don't want. It seemed like a good idea at the time and now I've got some responsibilities that I don't want to just walk away from, so I'm dealing with it for now.

 

I can't figure out if its the wave causing the situation to feel overwhelming or if the situation is something I really need to get out of. Its supposed to be fun and enjoyable, not something I need to be doing, so its rather puzzling to me.

 

I'm having emotional reactions, both good and bad which feel overwhelming and way off the scale of what would be considered normal for the situation. I don't know if this stress is bad for my recovery or if I should just stick with it and let my nervous system continue adapting and finding its proper balance.

 

A lot of the emotional reactions I'm having seem to be linked to past trauma and a bad experience I went through, but are being triggered and released by the events of this current situation.  I just don't know if I should stick with it and let it run its course, or find a way out to reduce the stress.

 

At times it feels like my own personal history is being re-written symbolically through this new endeavor but now, I have some control and choices, which is quite different from what much of my life has seemed like in reality. It feels like there's something here in this situation I need to learn or work through, in order to be able to let go of something from my past.

 

If I could sum up my life so far in one sentence it would be something like.... born into a situation with the odds stacked against me, fighting to survive every day and unable to escape from the inner and outer chaos to find peace.

 

My inner chaos has climbed off the scale the last few years while going through withdrawal, but it was only when I stopped fighting it, that I was able to find some peace and start to recover. The way I'm understanding it now is that a chaotic self was created as a reflection of the outer chaos which surrounded me as I was growing up. Its never felt good and so I've been fighting with this self the whole time, fighting with my own created reality. Letting go of the fight and accepting the chaos of me has allowed the fullness of this chaotic self to slowly come into the light to dissolve naturally.

 

Now I find myself symbolically fighting with a reflected aspect of this old chaotic self.... something out there in the real world. The old me is hanging on by a thread by creating a symbolic form of itself 'out there' and inviting me to fight with it, thus continuing its existence through our ongoing conflict.  Yes, I think that's what this is. All I have to do is let go, stop fighting and be done with it. Whatever remains here when the struggle ends, will be the authentic me I suppose.

 

Sounds simple now :)


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#1364 bubble

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 11:01 PM

This is just beautiful Petunia!

The story of your recovery is the best holiday present for me. I've been following your progress since I came here over 3 years ago. Even in the darkest moments you just endured and although you thought you would be an exception on one level you just went on, even without hope sometimes.

I miss your stories and often thinking about you imagining what it is like for you in your reality with the recovered you... To stop fighting is so hard because it's so counter intuitive but yes, it makes things happen :)

Big hugs

(I'm also doing much better than this time last year when I also doubted and couldn't believe something like that would be possible again...)

Current: Xanax 0.625 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 3.9 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 (19 yrs)
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000.-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax: 0.4 mg every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax

9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.​5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2 Lex, 5 Feb 4.1 Lex

24 Mar 4 mg Lex, 10 Apr 3.9 mg Lex

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 


#1365 DizzyGirl

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 06:25 AM

Dear Petunia I habe just read through your whole thread. What can I say ? You are an inspiring woman. I really hope when you are 100% recovered that you will come back and write a success story, because you have a wonderful way to describe everything and one sucess story more will help so many people. I have copied some of your sentences and sent it to ppl that are recovering from antidepressants and need some hope.

💟💟💟

Cold turkeyed Paxil in May 2012  :ph34r:

 

Finally recovered / see success story :)


#1366 Petunia

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 01:14 AM

I logged in to post an update and realized this will be my first for 2017. When I made my introduction cry for help, back in 2013 I never dreamed that 4 years later I would be writing on the same thread, still on the same recovery path which began 3 years prior to that.

 

But here I am, miraculously still alive, still struggling through some days, but in general seeing life now as a gift that I wasn't able to appreciate before. Each day is precious, even the crappy ones. This horrendous experience has taught me the true meaning of hell and now that the worst is over, every day feels kind of wonderful by comparison, even when my emotions are too intense and I'm in physical pain and I have to wait a few hours before I can do something I need to do... I'm happy I survived and grateful I get a second chance.

 

Right now, I'm not sure if I'm still in an extended wave or if this is my real 'withdrawal normal' and I was in an extended window for a few months.  I'm hoping this is a wave and it will be the last one. Its not so bad, probably about 25% of the awfulness of my worst times. But I still hate waking up in the morning to waves of fear and doomy, gloomy feelings, which hang around until midday. Last week they were lifting late afternoon, today they went away at 12:30, so I felt comfortable to go out and do a few chores earlier than I expected.

 

Yesterday I walked to the park, I haven't done that in a while, not without my pokemon hunting phone in hand anyway. But yesterday I felt inspired to absorb some nature free from technology and I'm glad I did because I was remembering how bad it had felt previously, being nothing but a vibrating mass of fear fueled bundle of DP/DR, wondering if I'm ever going to feel ok ever again.

 

But yesterday I felt ok.... what I was seeing with my eyes made sense. Colors are starting to appear rich and full with depth and meaning again. I was looking at the water in the lake and suddenly realized that it was was a beautiful, deep green, like a heavy velvet curtain draped across the land. I could feel the color, taste it and for a few moments it was me, there was no separation. I used to have experiences like this often, before zoloft and lexapro and now, my connection with life is coming back.

 

While I was feeling much better the second half of last year, I took on a few responsibilities, but now I'm struggling with them. Its not anything serious, and supposed to be fun, but I'm feeling the pressure of it as stress. Other people are involved and I'm wondering if I should pass my responsibilities to someone else. Hopefully this is a wave, on its way out.

 

Well, that's my update. 

 

I'm so glad you are feeling better too bubble.

 

.... and DizzyGirl, thank you for letting me know what I write is helpful, it gives the whole ordeal some meaning. If what I've gone through can help someone else, then it wasn't just pointless, miserable suffering for nothing... which is what it felt like most of the time.

 

Oh! I almost forgot the main thing I wanted to write about.....sleep.  Its completely back to normal. I go to sleep easily between 10 and 11 and sleep through the whole night without waking. My dreams are back to normal, mostly pleasant or neutral, with occasional weirdness- the normal kind you sometime have in dreams, and I wake up after sleeping for a solid 7 - 8 hours.

 

Supplements: all I take now is 200mg of Mag Citrate at night and 2000mg of Vitamin C twice a day. I'm also taking turmeric as a natural anti-inflammatory, but still not sure if its actually doing anything helpful. It doesn't seem to hurt though. 


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#1367 Shep

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 04:42 AM

But yesterday I felt inspired to absorb some nature free from technology and I'm glad I did because I was remembering how bad it had felt previously, being nothing but a vibrating mass of fear fueled bundle of DP/DR, wondering if I'm ever going to feel ok ever again.

 

But yesterday I felt ok.... what I was seeing with my eyes made sense. Colors are starting to appear rich and full with depth and meaning again. I was looking at the water in the lake and suddenly realized that it was was a beautiful, deep green, like a heavy velvet curtain draped across the land. I could feel the color, taste it and for a few moments it was me, there was no separation. I used to have experiences like this often, before zoloft and lexapro and now, my connection with life is coming back.

 

 

 

Wow, this is such a beautiful post, Petunia. Thank you for writing it. 

 

I also have severe dp/dr, so I can relate to the struggle. This is so beautiful to read.  :)


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#1368 btdt

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Posted 20 January 2017 - 02:16 PM

A toast to second chances... wishing you peace Petu thanks for the beautiful update... it was inspiring. 


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivinganti...ng-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)