Vandy: 41 days off Cymbalta, trying to stop Clonazepam

[Vandy]

Not sure why I'm posting this, the hopelessness of my situation has all but overwhelmed me. I am unable to get out of bed most days now, don’t leave my apartment even to take a walk, don’t have the strength to call a friend, make a decision, open my mail, brush my teeth, take a shower, it goes on, I feel like treading water would be pointless.

 

I had trouble with depression and anxiety before I took Cymbalta, but this is a level I can't seem to "reason" my way out of, and every time I try to think or act or do anything, my heart begins to pound frantically at times my BP climbs by 20 or 30 points and I end up in a shaking lump of pain.

 

I guess my question is, are these symptoms so severe because my body is still recovering from Cymbalta? Is my heart exploding because my body is physically addicted to Clonazepam? Should I be reducing the dose?

 

Are these often random fits of “fight or flight” mode, which even happen when I’m lying in bed watching a “happy” movie permanent? Is the total inability to formulate a plan of action or train of thought part of who I am now? It is an untenable situation.

 

For example, the fact my daughter has to move over the next two weeks and I have to rent a truck and bring furniture to her is………… okay, here it comes, flushing to the face, hands shaking, tightness in my windpipe, coldness in my chest, dizzy… OMG how am I going to even “act” normal enough to pick up the truck let alone drive it?

 

Now I have to sit still for a while, stare into space and tell my body to relax. OMG, let’s not forget my crazy landlady, she won’t speak with me, she just opens the door to my floor of the house and leaves nasty notes. She’s a retired Freudian psycho-analyst (aka medical doctor), she hates men, thinks women are stupid and her handwriting is eligible at best.

 

I think she is a bit of a psychopath (I doubt she even knows how to spell empathy) with Alzheimer’s and she scares the crap out of me. I can’t believe I am writing this. This post is going to be highly disorganized, as I get up and pace around my tiny apartment, the attic of a southern Bavarian style house and look out into the clouds that have enclosed my world for several days between each thought.

 

Now the german shepherds are barking their brains out and my heart is pounding. Once the panic starts, the pain begins to build. It works the other way too. My brain seems paralyzed, there are times when there is a lot of brain activity but very little comes of it except panic and confusion and, in the end, not thinking seems to be easier and more viable.

 

I know I need help, but I don’t know who or what or how, I see no solution, I won’t take any more drugs, I’m on medicare so that’s my only option, so there is no point. My friends and family are clueless and my daughter’s depression makes my situation even more insane. I have to support her, help her, be there for her, but the reserve I’m drawing on is nearly empty.

 

No, this is not who I was. A year ago last Friday I broke my neck. Drove myself to the hospital the next day, refused surgery, got a cervical collar and drove from Tampa to Red Hook, NY to see her graduate from college then up to NH to recuperate. I then drove down to VA, got this apartment and moved my stuff from FL then drove up to NH. I did have strength, why can’t I find it now? Why am I so afraid? Where did I go?

Edited May 20, 2013 by tezza
Added paragraph breaks for readability. Added name to topic.

[tezza]

Welcome to the forum, Vandy. I'm sorry for your struggles. You came off Cymbalta super fast according to our guidelines.

 

You might try taking 5mg of Cymbalta, stabilize and taper much more slowly AFTER you stabilize. You may need to go up or down a little but that might be a good place to start and see how you feel after four or five days.

 

A couple of links that will help you:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2693-how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/283-tips-for-tapering-off-cymbalta-duloxetine/

 

You don't need to begin a taper of a benzo until you get stabilized from the Cymbalta tapering. It may be cushioning the withdrawals.

 

Are you sleeping well?

[mammaP]

Hi Vandy, you are not alone how you are feeling, this site is

filled with people who can relate to how you feel so you have come

to the right place. I'm sorry you are in so much pain and I wish I

could take everyones pain away.

 

I can't offer you any advice, I'm new here myself but learning lots.

You will get excellent advice and heaps of empathy here, it is an

amazing group to be part of and there's a wealth of knowledge to be

accessed.

 

You say you broke your neck last year, that must have been horrendous

for you and to drive right after to see your daughter graduate shows

what a devoted dad you are! I do know that the body can go into shock

following a trauma and you can do things that should be impossible.

My son walked on a broken leg! Adrenalin is pumping and that could be

why you were able to make that journey so try not to berate yourself

because you did it then but can't now. Be kind to yourself.

Someone will be along soon who can help with the info you need.

 

MammaP

 

Tezza arrived while I was typing, I said it would be soon!

[Vandy]

Perhaps I tapered too quickly, went from 20mgs every other day to 0mg on April 9th, but nothing would make me take it again. Will stop trying to wean off Clz at least till I get my daughter moved, it's just even at the dose I have been given (2mg a day in .5mg increments)is not really helping anymore except I am sleeping, perhaps the only reason I have any will at all.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Vandy.

 

I beg of you, please consider opening the Cymbalta capsule and taking a few beads. You are suffering from severe withdrawal syndrome. This can last a very long time.

[Vandy]

Just can't go backwards. There are too many factors, too many possibilities to make ingesting even minute poisons like Cymbalta viable ever again. My brain is damaged enough.

 

There is still that little voice, get up Linda, you are wallowing, just move, try to dance to this song. Perhaps tomorrow the voice will be stronger than the despair, but I know I've said that for two weeks now...

[Altostrata]

You're not wallowing. Please stop punishing yourself. You are suffering severe withdrawal symptoms and even a few beads might relieve them.

[mammaP]

Oh my, I've made heaps of mistakes today, my brain is mush! I said you are a devoted dad

and you are a mum I'm sorry, I don't know where I got the idea from that you were a man!

I hope you can somehow find some relief. Please think about what Alto is suggesting,

she really knows her stuff but you know your own body!