Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

Anyone come to religion late in life?


cymbaltawithdrawal5600

Recommended Posts

  • Member

A lot of the reading I do mentions that people who have faith and belong to a religion (or church, I guess) seem to have, I don't know, some resilience against the ups and downs of life. My early 'religious' upbringing left me with very conflicted feelings. My dad certainly wasn't religious but we were dragged to a church on holidays (I think 'United Methodist'). Then in my growing up years we went to the church of my grandparents, an Eastern Orthodox one. I should say we (my sister and I) dropped off at the church by my mom. There was some mysterious reason why she wouldn't attend and I don't want to ask her about it. I was married in that church but stopped going in my adult years.

 

I have always been extremely uncomfortable around people who try to 'save' me and I don't know why. My intellect tells me that nothing changes when I am 'saved' or say I am, and how do I know?  I do not understand God or spirit or whatever grand designer is behind the scenes. I thought I had found an answer when I joined a church in California started by one of Terry Cole-Whittaker's disciples, but that ultimately fell apart and I think I got lost in a lot of spiritual mumbo-jumbo. (Mods delete that if I wrote something inappropriate.)

 

I think about visiting churches but sometimes I feel as though they want to clutch at me and make me believe something I can't. (Hey, I said I was conflicted!)

 

I spent years in AA believing in a 'Power Greater than Myself' and I think I believe in God but I feel alone and lost. I know people who have faith feel that sometimes but they they ultimately have faith to pull them through.

 

Has anyone else had these feelings or questions?

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

Link to comment
  • Member

A few have stopped by to read, that's great. I am basically wondering how much lack of the 'structure' or practise of a religion, ANY organized church-going, has been a contributing factor in my tendency to be depressed. A poster here mentioned 'finding a ministry' which I interpreted as their way of making a unique contribution to the community. I guess I will just have to see for myself. I met a man today at a place where I decided to volunteer again, it's at the local chamber of commerce. There were no visitors there today so we sat and talked. Don't know how we got to subjects but he asked me if I believed in reincarnation and he said that many with problems such as mine got help from regressing. Ah, don't want to go there anymore as that wasn't an answer in my case. Neither was a lot of other stuff I tried (especially in my California years). He's 92, very with it, I had him pegged at 70's tops. He goes to a church with a lot of young people, loves the singing and music, and he said to find a place where I feel at home and just try it out. I tried my friend's church several years ago, went several times and just didn't ever like it. It was big, the 'band' was noisy and it felt so alien. She has been 'saved' and she loves her life. Please don't think me uncharitable when I mention that she recently told me she can't ever conceive of going off her AD's. I am definitely not anti-med but I'll be the first one there to support someone's decision if they decide to stop. So if her 'saving' grace and meds have her in a good place, I'm all for her.

 

I, on the other hand, don't feel saved but I am feeling better at days end.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I went to sunday school as a child, there were 8 of us and when my eldest sister was old enough

she would lead us all to the little chapel for sunday school. It struck a chord with me and I took it to heart.

I drank in anything I learned at that age and loved books so was happy to go, but some things just did not

make sense to me and my logical brain. One of those things was that God takes to heaven those who die.

I must have been around 8 at the time and my friends dog had died. She was distraught and said she hated 

god for taking her dog and her Nan. It just did not make sense to me at all and I remember quietly telling her

that it was more likely the devil that took them because god isn't like that!  I got a bit carried away with my own 

thoughts and was quite vocal about them, lol.  In the end my mum stopped us from going because they were 

a 'bad influence' on me. I eventually turned away from the concept of god, because what the church teaches

still did not make sense to me, 

When I was in my mid 20's I bumped into a cousin I had been close to when I was a child, she had moved back

into the area with her family and had joined Jehovah's witnesses. We soon regained the closeness but I was

extremely concerned about her joining this weird religion. She hadn't changed though and was still the person I 

grew up with and eventually I tackled her about this weird cult she was involved with. 

 

Everything I had thought when I was a child, I put to her and to my astonishment she agreed with me!

 

Anyway, to cut a long story short what she told me made lots of sense, I didn't manage to prise her away

but found a lot of answers myself and eventually became a witness myself!

 

Fast forward to the present, I no longer attend meetings, but listen in on  a telephone link and 

it brings me a lot of comfort. I close my eyes and I am there with everyone in my mind. 

Hopefully I will beat this and be back there and part of it all again. That is my goal.

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

Link to comment
  • Member

Oh, mammaP!

 

So glad you found something that helps you!

 

All I know about the JW is what I have read and feeling very uncomfortable about them. It feels odd to say that but at this stage in the game I don't know what I don't know. Some of what religions publish about themselves (not yours in particular) seem to be along the lines of the 'angry God' thing. I have to admit I am looking for comfort.

 

Thanks so much for sharing your experience with me, it is the experience I am curious about, how it may affect people when they search it out.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

Link to comment
  • Member

This may not be a very good topic, but that's ok. I may just post in here for a while till I get tired of talking to myself, get myself talked out or get shown the door. All are ok by me.

 

In AA they used to tell me don't worry if you can't take all of the God talk, just take what you need and leave the rest for later. And I fully realize not all 'practice' their religion perfectly. How much of the God talk have I misinterpreted or is really off the mark? You know those sign boards in front of churches, there is one across the street where I live. It says: 'Fear of God is the Beginning of Wisdom'. I have a great deal of fear already. No way do I consider myself wise. Can I partake of the structure and community of churching without believing the beliefs? I will find out soon. I'm going church shopping.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

Link to comment

CW,

I grew up in Eastern Orthodox church also...still have no idea what they believe since services were all in Ukrainian. In past 20 years, i've had a few negative experiences with various nondenominational churches and women's groups in SoCal, so I can't contribute much positive to this topic. I was searching ~ and very vulnerable ~ so the experiences left a bad taste in my mouth. I consider myself spiritual, but not religious.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

Link to comment
  • Member

Barb,

 

I am just so glad you contributed!!!!! I am wanting to hear of the experiences of others if they have gone (or are contemplating or tried and found good or wanting) into these areas of 'life'.

 

I can't believe it - we're sisters!! My Eastern Orthodox was Romanian. Most of it was in that language but the sermon was always heavily accented English. I liked the music, the icons on the walls, the rhythm of the service, the 'production part' (I can't think of a word right now).

 

I am going to come back later and see if I can remember what I was going to say about what I have been thinking and more on what your note brought to mind. I have just enough time to shower up and get to that thrift shop's church, now that all of the animals are fed and I have peeked into mom's room to see that she is still breathing.......

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

Link to comment
  • Member

I made it to the church, they were in the singing part and it was just like the 'saved' friend's service. Computer graphics projecting song words on a screen, a band in front. Stand up singing, sit down singing. Probably the same contemporary Christian songs. Christian symbols on the wall, a few candles, a lily plant, a cross done in mosaic ceramic pieces. Upholstered auditorium chairs. Preacher is female, maybe 40's and her voice (when raised in emphasis) grated on my ears. There is something I hear in that sort of preaching which rings of a God made and acting as a human, telling us what he does and doesn't want for us, I can't wrap my head around that as it confounds my head. I read too much into it and it raises so many questions that I had to kick my monkey brain in the foot really hard to shut it up.

 

During the beginning of the service, a man to the side of the stage became ill (oh no! the guy getting chemo). Eventually the EMT's came and he was taken out. A band man played and sang, the loudness of his bass amped guitar was a bit too much but I was able to stay. Drop a donation in box at door. Saw many people I knew from my area. Last song was the one from Mike @lcorn's church long ago 'Let It Begin With Me'. Memories there.

 

Barb and others here who went to our same type of churches may be the only ones (and maybe Catholics?) who may be able to understand it when I say it feels alien. I am not looking to recreate the church of my past but something more like 'church'.

 

I may try the Catholic one or one of the other more traditional ones. Writing this out as I have may not be a good idea and if the mods think it wise, delete this post. I tried to keep it as general as I could yet still give the flavor of the experience. The unstructuredness of 'being a spiritual' person is chafing me with it's freedom.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

Link to comment
  • Member

Thanks for letting me talk this out. Been knitting and thinking and visiting my pet charges and just trying to keep going and it came to me that a contemporary Christian church is not the place for me right now. I am craving some kind of structure and 'community' and the one thing I learned today is that I am no longer ashamed and afraid of meeting people as much as I used to be. I have a lot to give now, even on my bad days, and I can can let people give to me too. If they want to give me advice, I can listen to them and let them tell their stories. If they are hurting I can offer support without trying to fix them.

 

This is today and I think its a good start in finding a different way to live. I feel like I am still whistling in the dark but the day is going on and I am not in that franticIamhurtingbad place (I can go there in a NY minute if I want) or I can just let things keep playing out.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

Link to comment

I can totally relate to all you're saying. I very much appreciate your honesty in these posts and know that you're not alone. It took me some time to find a place I was comfortable. I grew up attending a Baptist church but never felt "home" there so I stopped attending as a young adult. After years of not attending any type of religious service and then many trial runs with different denominations I finally felt most comfortable in a United Methodist church.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I love reading your musings cw. I am so looking forward to the time when I can go back and be a part of

the congregation again. It is so long since I've been there in the middle of it and most of my friends have moved away.

I get visits and am looked after for which I am grateful but looking forward to being back there. 

 

It is far removed from the theatricals of many religions and I especially love the conventions, thousands of people and

not a policeman to be seen. The sense of peace is incredible.  :)

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

Link to comment
  • Member

Rose, how sweet! Your info says this this is your first post. You are so welcome here. I see you don't have an 'intro' thread listed yet (nor a sig with anything you might have going on that is special to this community), I am sure you'll do that soon and tell us about yourself. We love having you. If you are not sure of what I am talking about, if you find this thread again, I am sure there will be a note from a mod ready to help you figure it out.

 

I have not a clue how my particular 'search for meaning' will play out and thanks mammaP for your comment. I so desperately want to have the mods delete my stuff after I have written it sometimes because I think it doesn't 'fit' here.

 

There are a LOT of churches in this geographical area of land surrounded by water. I think I may try them all. I might invent a term for myself, like 'serial congregationalist'. I somehow think I am not the only one who has ever thought of doing such a thing but I have this need inside me to talk about my experience too. And hear what others have to say.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Serial congregationalist, I like it!  Don't delete anything, it's in the right place and makes for interesting reading.

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

Link to comment
  • Member

Thanks mammaP,

 

Sometimes I have to talk these things out and here seems to be the only place where I am able to get a handle on what I am thinking. It has to have something to do with the possibility of feedback and new insights on topics I am struggling with.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

There's nothing at all inappropriate about discussing your spiritual questions and needs here.  Proselytizing, no, but discussion is fine. 

 

I'm Christian, and one of the first things I noticed when I joined this forum was that the great majority of members were NOT believers, and I wondered if there was a correlation between depression and agnosticism or aetheism.  I still wonder.  Had I not had strong faith, I think I might have just offed myself in early withdrawal.  It was a great comfort to reassure myself that God was in charge and that everything would be all right eventually. (I must add that I've learned a lot from the experience as well, mostly greater compassion and patience, although there's still some growing room there.  Maybe that was His whole point.)

 

I don't care for the nondenominational, contemporary churches either.  I was brought up Lutheran, but have been a member of a Baptist church for the past eight or so years.  It seemed liked a good fit at first, a real Christian family, but either they've changed or I have, and I'm probably going to try a Lutheran church again.  In this area, they seem to be the only churches that reach out to the poor and homeless.  The Baptist church I attended had what I call arms-length ministries: making up stationery kits for women prisoners, but never actually visiting anyone in prison, et cetera.  I miss the Lutheran liturgy as well.  There's something about the formality of the service that I find reverent and moving.

 

I really have my doubts about Christians who rely on antidepressants rather than God.  I know I was certainly carefree while on Lexapro, but it was faith based on being numb from a chemical, not a reasoned and practiced kind of faith.  There was one person I knew at the Baptist church whom I had envied because of her apparent childlike faith.  You guessed it--she'd been on Prozac for years and turned out to be one of the most fearful and selfish people I've ever met.  IMO, a person's faith can't be tested if they're too numbed out to be upset by anything.  A lot of my spiritual growth has occurred during times of trouble and misery.

 

As for "The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom", that's a quote from the Bible--Proverbs, I think--not some screwy idea of that particular church, and "fear" means deep respect and awe, not terror.

 

Unfortunately, finding a church that's a good fit takes some serious shopping around, especially if you attend several times which I think is a good idea if the church holds any promise at all.  But keep trying.  Finding a genuine church family is a joy.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

Link to comment
  • Member

Now why couldn't I have said it the way you did - you laid my whole thing out so succinctly! You have given a clearer voice to what I was struggling with.

 

 

As for "The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom", that's a quote from the Bible--Proverbs, I think--not some screwy idea of that particular church, and "fear" means deep respect and awe, not terror.

 

Yeah, I know that NOW (the awe thing) but as a kid all I knew was FEAR. The whole angry God thing. I left and never went back to the idea of 'religion'. That's why the New Age church I found years ago was a comfort till I got side-tracked into some of the 'other' new age concepts.

 

I am all for my friend having her meds AND the church if that's how she's able to cope with life. I can't question anything about that, including her belief that it is the church that is helping her emotional state. But if it ever 'jumps the track' on her, I'm here for her.

 

 

I miss the Lutheran liturgy as well.  There's something about the formality of the service that I find reverent and moving.

 

Yup, that is really what is missing in my churching experience so far. I see the churching as a way to rekindle an experience of the 'Divine' or some such thing. I am too much in my head, I'd like to be more in my 'heart' and spirit.

 

Thanks Jemima.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Jemima says it so very well!

 

God is love! That's in the Bible too. God loves everyone and is no respecter of persons.

 

I hope you can find a church where you feel safe and loved. You will know you are in the right place when you feel an inner peace.

Link to comment
  • Member

Thanks Tezza. I'd like to find a place where my mind can be still and I can feel 'inner peace'. I am just not able to find what I am seeking from my chair.......

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

Link to comment
  • 2 months later...

I'm new here and I just tumbled across this topic. it appeals to me.

I think it's a very true statement to say that depression can be the result of an absence of spiritualism, and absence of Divinity, and absence of ritual in one's life. I can't believe I'm even saying this because I am only coming to religion very late in life, and I don't have a religion yet I'm just beginning to respect the idea. Clearly I'm seeking a religion because it was only three years ago that my psychotherapist had his own mental breakdown and in so doing shattered my lifelong faith in psychiatry and psychotherapy. He got worse and I got worse under his care. It put me in a crisis.

 

My thinking was broadened greatly by this lecture: http://www.maps.org/conference/ps13bobjesse/

I attended this lecture in Oakland in April of this year and it changed my mind about religion.

 

He argues that we need to change our definition of religion. I hope you benefit from it like I did.

14 years on Paxil 5mg (prescribed as an antidote for CFS symptoms (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome)

It worked great for bringing me back to life, and I got over the CFS.

Never could quit Paxil.

Tried it in 30 days, too abrupt, unsupervised.

Had One Bad Year on nothing at all,  (figured I needed to tough it out)

couldn't stand it any longer after a year.

Got back on Lexapro this time, 2.5mg 

That's worked for the last 3 years,

Would like to be free of it,

so am planning a taper. 

Link to comment

I think it's a very true statement to say that depression can be the result of an absence of spiritualism, and absence of Divinity, and absence of ritual in one's life.

 

This is interesting, and maybe because I never embraced any religion I felt pretty alone and unsupported during several periods of my life. Actually I have missed the rituals and faith of a religion and felt this in particular when I view people praying together and exhibit religious rituals, especially in the eastern religions.

But... giving support and confidence to people still does not make a religion true. There are many religions, even many versions of the same religion, and so many more died-out religions from the past.

I am sure the old Egyptions had lots of conforting rituals and got great support from their fellow believers. But nowadays, nobody still believes in or worships Amon-Ra, Ptah, Hathor or Isis, to mention a few of otheir Gods.

I think each religion has its period in time and place where it flourishes but not all of these religions can be true, so it is safer to assume that all of them are wrong.  Also most, if not all religions are incompatible with evolution principles, which are a proven theory.

 

And that still makes me feel like a floating soul, with no real meaning in life. I have embraced the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, who does not speak about a God, but has introduced the concept of the "Now".

Also he states that while life itself has no meaning, this does not mean that you cannot give a meaning to your life! Many people, though calling themselvesd religous, have a hard time to live the life they would like to. I try to learn as much as I can, and we all on this site are -depite our suffering - the lucky ones who have found out about the cheating and corruption of medicine, in particular psychiatry.

10 mg Paxil/Seroxat since 2002
several attempts to quit since 2004
Quit c/t again Oktober 2007, in protracted w/d since then
after 3.5 years slight improvement but still on the road

after 6 years pretty much recovered but still some nasty residual sypmtons
after 8.5 years working again on a 90% base and basically functioning normally again!

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

To the best of my knowledge, the theory of evolution remains a theory.  Darwin himself said that unless "The Missing Link" was found, his theory was worthless.  And The Missing Link has never been found. There are a lot of intelligent people who seem to think or assume that evolution has been proven, but I think we'll discover one day that they were mistaken. I find the idea that this amazing, complex universe just *happened* even more astonishing than that it was created by an intelligent being. Just looking closely at a blade of grass and considering what it took to make it boggles the mind.

 

Christianity is the one religion that has stood the test of time and remained predominant since its inception over two thousand years ago. For those who care to study it well enough to understand, it is not only emotionally sustaining, it makes a great deal of sense.

 

However, since my last post, I visited a Lutheran church and also studied up some, only to find that the church wasn't welcoming at all and that Martin Luther had some ideas that are definitely not biblical, so my search goes on.  I looked into an Eastern Orthodox church and got completely spooked by the ikons and the beliefs about salvation which apparently have little to do with repentance and receiving Christ as savior. And so I continue shopping.  Perhaps another Baptist church.

 

Despite the imperfection of churches, my faith remains strong and it has been the mainstay of my ongoing recovery from antidepressant withdrawal. I think a problem that a lot of non-believers have is simply accepting that God is so big and vastly more intelligent than us that we simply cannot comprehend Him. Rather than try to do that, I find his presence in many small things from day to day from that blade of grass to a near-miss car accident to a Bible verse that perfectly fills a need of the moment. He is there, of that I am sure.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

Link to comment

Jemima,

 

Your reaction to Eastern Orthodoxy sums up my childhood religious experience :( Thanks. That was oddly validating.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I'm glad I didn't offend you, Barb. I go to a sewing group at an Orthodox church and I was considering attending a service until I looked up the church's website and saw what the sanctuary looked like - ikons everywhere!  I'm glad I saw that photo first or I might have started into the church and run out screaming. I've since discovered that many of the Orthodox beliefs and practices were put in place shortly after Christ's death and resurrection so that there was no Bible to go by at the time.  They made up a lot of things as they went, including beliefs of their own priests and elders, which are not mentioned anywhere in the Protestant Bible.  Too far out for me. :o

 

And BTW, I've always thought it was a shame that your parents took you to services that you couldn't possibly understand.  I drifted away from the church for many years beginning in college, but the foundation was there and I knew where to turn when I felt the need.  How I wish you had had that, too.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

Link to comment

As much as I struggle, and as many difficult-to-understand things there are in it, and in life, I find the Bible is such a powerful thing in my life. Churches and Christians can and do disappoint, but the word of God is such a precious fixed point to me.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

Link to comment

Thank you, Jemima. It's all I knew from birth until young adulthood but, even at very young age, I knew Eastern Orthodoxy was very wrong for me. Who knows how my life may have been different with a stronger (and not bizarre) spiritual foundation.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

Link to comment

To the best of my knowledge, the theory of evolution remains a theory.  Darwin himself said that unless "The Missing Link" was found, his theory was worthless.  And The Missing Link has never been found. There are a lot of intelligent people who seem to think or assume that evolution has been proven, but I think we'll discover one day that they were mistaken. I find the idea that this amazing, complex universe just *happened* even more astonishing than that it was created by an intelligent being. Just looking closely at a blade of grass and considering what it took to make it boggles the mind.

 

 

Well on this point we cannot disagree more, but this website is probably not the place to discuss these issues, in particular because people sometimes can feel embarrassed pretty easily hen their religion is critizised.

I am a firm believer in evolution ,which is in my opinion not a theoriy anymore but a proven science, I read many of the books of Richard Dawkins and find them making lots of sense.

Evolution not only occurs with living creatures, but also with ideas. Things/ideas that "work" somehow may persist and survive, were others do not.

In this sense, even the raised awareness of the dangers of medicine can be seen as an evolutionary step in our thinking.

And the raise of more and more good online support sites, starting with PP (with originally was a good support site), followed by SA and some others is for me also an example of evolution in action. The good ideas persist and expand, the bad ones will die out.

 

Where one can mention that what is a bad idea/concept for the one can be a good idea for the other. The current system of psychiatry with their pills is certainly a very good concept for the psychiatrists and Big PHarma. But for the victims of psychiatriy and pills it is very bad. So the concept can last for a long time because some group benefits from it and has profit by leaving it intact. Same thing with evolution.

 

On the other side, I have respect for people who got confidence and direction from their religion, and sometimes I feel a bit sad I am not part of any because I am too scientifically oriented for those things...

10 mg Paxil/Seroxat since 2002
several attempts to quit since 2004
Quit c/t again Oktober 2007, in protracted w/d since then
after 3.5 years slight improvement but still on the road

after 6 years pretty much recovered but still some nasty residual sypmtons
after 8.5 years working again on a 90% base and basically functioning normally again!

 

Link to comment

Claudius, I so respect your ideas, and certainly natural selection exists in biology and philosophy, but since you express a bit of regret, I will say that the man who oversaw the mapping of the human genome converted to Christianity during the process.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

Link to comment

Claudius, I so respect your ideas, and certainly natural selection exists in biology and philosophy, but since you express a bit of regret, I will say that the man who oversaw the mapping of the human genome converted to Christianity during the process.

 

That is very interesting, even I have a couple of good friends which have, just like me, a scientific education but are convinced Christians. Of course this leaves us with some nice discussions when having a drink or more... :)

I studies most major religions but just cannot believe in God. However, after this whole ordealI do believe in the Devil and his name is Paxil! Or GSK...

At the same  time, I believe that spiritual development is certainly possible without the concept of a creator.

And that is the path this ordeal has led me. I will be shocked forever about the disgusting practuces of Big Pharma but better know how eveil it is it than still trusting the system.

10 mg Paxil/Seroxat since 2002
several attempts to quit since 2004
Quit c/t again Oktober 2007, in protracted w/d since then
after 3.5 years slight improvement but still on the road

after 6 years pretty much recovered but still some nasty residual sypmtons
after 8.5 years working again on a 90% base and basically functioning normally again!

 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

"I think it's a very true statement to say that depression can be the result of an absence of spiritualism, and absence of Divinity, and absence of ritual in one's life."

 

"At the same  time, I believe that spiritual development is certainly possible without the concept of a creator."

 

Two quotes from two different posters above moved me to reply in this way to this always interesting question about religion.  To the first statement, Siddahartha, a.k.a., the Buddah, was a prince who was filled with deep sorrow and at the age of 29 renounced his rich, royal life to seek answers to why people suffer.  He could not stand being happy and healthy and rich while he knew others suffered.  So he left the palace and went into what was known back then in India, natural religion.  He renounced all earthly things except for food and went into the woods to find meaning.

 

In this day and age, in our western society, this would be considered extremely crazy!  He would be diagnosed with some kind of depression disorder and be drugged.  His family was certainly not happy that he left, but allowed him to follow his heart.  But that was back in like 563 AD or something.  And we all know how happy the Buddah ended up being.  He became Happiness.  He found his enlightenment.

 

So a church or formal religion is not necessary to have a feeling of religion or spirituality.  If a church, or any place of worship, is a place of fellowship, that is a good reason to belong to one I suppose.  

 

To the second quote about the creator, I can also say that Buddhism does not have a concept of creator, but of something bigger than the body experience we are having.  I like to feel there is a creator who I can converse with when I go within.  

 

I have learned a lot from reading Emmett Fox.  What he did for me was to explain about the symbology of the Bible.  That ultimately what the Bible is saying, like many other religious texts, is about understanding that we are spiritual beings in a material world.  When the word, "river," for instance is used in the Bible, when it is mentioned about "crossing over the river," Emmett Fox says that means crossing over into a high state of consciousness. "Jerusalem," is a state of very high consciousness, not just a physical place on the map.

 

I think the hard dogma of some religions can cause the feeling of separation among peoples.  That is the hard knock against organized religion, the biggest complaint that it gets.  Also, that it can instill fear, when it should be about Love.

 

But I say, whatever brings us comfort is what is right for us.  I am a spiritual seeker and when some Truth comes my way, I feel it deep inside.  If it brings me Peace, then I am glad for it's presence.  I do not feel I need to belong to any one religious philosophy, but dip into what resonates.

 

I just started here on SA.  If you want to know my story, here it is:    http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5118-equanimity-asking-for-help-for-unrelenting-vertigo-due-to-withdrawal/

 

I am very grateful to SA and all of you who post here.

 

Equanimity

1977-2001 Valium 5mg. PRN (and later years I PRNed too much)., 2001 Prozac, but changed quickly to Paxil for 6 months, then tapered over 8 weeks.

2002 Klonopin 1 mg., Celexa 30 mg. had "manic" response (was labeled bi-polar) so Neurontin was added after trying Depakote, Geodon, Risperadal, Zyprexa.

2003 Trileptal was added and Neurontin discontinued. Hair fell out and Trileptal was discontinued.,

2004 Now 6 mg. Klonopin, Lexapro 20 mg. (instead of Celexa) Lamictal 125 mg. instead of Trileptal.

2009 Now 3 mg. Klonopin reduced from 6 mg. after swallowing all the pills and lived to tell about it. Wellbutrin was added, then Rozerem 8 mg. and stayed on Lexapro 20 mg. and Lamictal at 100 mg. (Seroquel and Effexor were tried, but quickly discontinued.)

2011 Successfully tapered from Klonopin 3 mg. to 2 mg. that year in .25 mg. increments.

2012 Successfully tapered off Wellbutrin and discontinued Rozerem replacing it with melatonin. Tapered another 1/2 mg. of Klonopin.

2013 Tapered off Lexapro 10 mg. in January and February, tapered down to 75 mg. of Lamictal in February. Went to a holistic clinic for a month in March and tapered 1 1/2 mg. off Klonopin to 0 by March 13th. Finished Lexapro taper of 10 mg. during the spring and then the last 75 mg. of Lamictal in the summer. All done by July 21st 2013.  Withdrawal symptoms (both physical and emotional) up the ying-yang.  

10/22/13 Right now am suffering from unrelenting vertigo, crying spells, some anxiety.  Definite periods of hope and homeostasis. 

 

My introductory post:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5118-equanimity-asking-for-help-for-unrelenting-vertigo-due-to-withdrawal/

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

     

Link to comment

Excellent scene last night on TV show, Blue Bloods. Catholic priest in Brooklyn, NY, who counseled many police after 911.... in talking to current Police Comissioner, said he no longer feels needed.... that "spiritual crises have been replaced by 'chemical imbalances' and religious counseling replaced by pills...". (Paraphrasing).

 

I'm so used to hearing chemical imbalance and pills as cures on TV today, it was a welcome surprise to hear from a different perspective how medication has rendered the clergy obsolete (in this scenario).

 

This was fiction, but I suspect it's based on truth.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

Link to comment

I think I've always been religious but thought I wasn't. I took many positions that in retrospect were nothing but religious. Among these that I was depressed/anxious and that medicine could cure this if I took my medicine and participated in the talk therapy or rehab. The entire structure, in retrospect, looks like an evolutionary machine designed to advance the interests of the care givers including their sense of altruism and that the shrinks and therapists (and many other of the noble cast) are 100% unaware that they are working in their own interest. In fact the basic tenet of their religion is the denial of self-interest and the status elevation of those who work selflessly particularly those whose work involves lifting of a victim group such as mentally ill or retarded people or any of dozen of the victim groups. (The victim groups are also constanting re-arranging themselves so one's status and raise/fall based on the trendiness of their client base.)

 

In any case, not to go on, the humanistic services is a new cult and has yet to show its worth on the evolutionary stage. In fact because it is new, or novel, it is very likely untrustworthy for this reason. The best approach I have decided is to accept an old religion which has proved itself. Christianity makes good sense to me.

 

So I have returned to Christianity after a long walk in the desert and I hope to become far less material in the future and closer to Godliness.

"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

Link to comment

Cymbalta this morning I was going to return to my post on a Letter To God and I will. There are many ways to perceive a Higher Power and I envy people who have a very distinct and firm picture in their minds of that.

 

I chose to believe in something greater than myself.  My picture in my mind from growing up Catholic is a Biblical pic of Jesue and God.  Sometimes it's nature, and sometimes when I read Wayne Dyer books and similar books I can see it as the Universe, but most the Biblical image.

 

I pray and I pray alot.  t helps me to feel that I am taking action to help myself or another.  It is a lot less complicated for me this way rather  than trying to determine or figure it all out.

 

Over to Letter To God by me:)

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

Link to comment
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy