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Master your Shadow. Master Yourself.


Roads

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Our Shadow is what we do not want to see in ourselves: our violence, our pain, our meaness, etc.Do not be afraid of your Shadow. Master it, for it is necessary to be.Shadow is. You are partly your Shadow. You cannot prevent it from being, it is impossible. You can only letting it be, in awareness or unawareness, you can only use it for your benefit, or suffer from it and make suffer from it. It is a very powerful energy that demands expression. To make its expression useful, to you and the other, which is the same thing because there is no real separation, you have to become aware of it to steer it. You cannot master its existence, you can only master its direction. If you negate it, it will take place in an uncontrolled and harmful way, against yourself and the other, which is the same thing, because separation is an illusion.  You will tackle something, the other, yourself, that is to say something that does not need it. This is why there is a lot of unaware and subtle agressiveness in lots of people. Maybe you do not realise it because you maybe unfortunately think that it is normal. This is why there is even hateful people.The one who masters one's shadow does not tackle anything agaisnt one's will, in unawareness, simply because one does not need it. This is what is the difference between the slave and the master. The slave acts by need and in unawareness, because he is ill-being, by every meaning of the term. The master acts by and in well-being.Many people are in conflict with the other and with life, Many people are in separation, because they are in conflict with themselves. They are separate from themselves. The master has no enemy. One cannot, since one is not separate. Well-being and well-doing, in other words, mastery, lies in completeness of being. In totality, not in separation. This is the key, this is the secret, this is what all is about: "To be, or not to be, that is the question".So, Be. 

 

 

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

This withdrawal experience has definitely been bringing up/out my shadow material for me to deal with.  Just this morning I was re-experiencing fears from when I was 4 years old, something I had forgotten, but which must have been stored in my body/mind somewhere.

 

I've also been letting myself experience some extremes of anger, which I usually don't allow.  At first it was really scary because this emotion is connected to people I love and care about, but experiencing something doesn't mean acting on it, and I have been able to allow it and let it go.  Sometimes this starts out in dreams or nightmares, then I wake up and try and continue processing the feelings while I'm awake.

 

There is nothing pleasant or easy about working with shadow though.  I'm trying to see this as something I didn't ask for, but an opportunity I've been given, so I'm trying to make something positive out of it.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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You did not understand. Be your shadow. ENJOY it. Do not be afraid of doing bad. You cannot, since you cannot enjoy from harming the other. To enjoy, you have to let it be, be proud of it, and let it express itself for your advantage and pleasure. Harming the other does not give advantage nor pleasure. It seems to, but in fact it diminishes yourself. Proof of it is that harmful people are unhappy. So let it be. Be and enjoy.

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Maybe we are talking about different things.  What I've been experiencing has been related to traumatic experiences.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Yes, Shadow often stems from traumas. Hatred, anger, pain, sadness, violence etc do not come out of the blue. Why getting rid of it? If you use it properly, if you are it, then it is so great. Why limiting your enjoyment? Why limiting what you can be? Enjoyment is not pleasure. This is what most people are misled into. Enjoyment is what is called Nirvana, being able to be whatever is, without tension, without resistance, Paradise or Hell, Bliss or Torment, with the same pleasure of just being. This is God: " I am the one who is". (I do not know if it is the proper translation in english, I do not know your bible)It is all about enjoying oneself. I am sorry if it is not what you experienced. I wish you felt good.  

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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  • 3 months later...

Deifying one's self is narcissistic, delusional, even psychotic. Enjoying evil (meanness, hatred, violence) is sociopathic.

insomnia, anxiety, depression- since childhood

lyme disease, dysautonomia, chiari malformation- dx 4/1997

nortriptyline- 75mg since childhood

clonazepam- 3mg since 4/1997

trazodone-100mg since 4/2013, now tapering

rotating antibiotics and antimalarials for lyme disease

midodrine- 10mg for dysautonomia

repeated skull surgeries for chiari malformation

 

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I re-read your posts, and I apologize for thinking you were calling yourself God. My blooper. I do still believe that enjoying evil is sociopathic though. I would also call it evil, but you don't seem to care. Lack of remorse over evil is also sociopathic.

insomnia, anxiety, depression- since childhood

lyme disease, dysautonomia, chiari malformation- dx 4/1997

nortriptyline- 75mg since childhood

clonazepam- 3mg since 4/1997

trazodone-100mg since 4/2013, now tapering

rotating antibiotics and antimalarials for lyme disease

midodrine- 10mg for dysautonomia

repeated skull surgeries for chiari malformation

 

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I thank you for doing justice to my posts. I never called myself God. 

 

I never encouraged evil as a deed, I advocated the enjoyment of it as acceptance of what is, not what to do, and an expression of Self there is no reason to repress if it does not harm anybody.

 

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

Link to comment
  • 3 years later...
On ‎12‎/‎09‎/‎2013 at 0:58 PM, Roads said:

Our Shadow is what we do not want to see in ourselves: our violence, our pain, our meaness, etc. Do not be afraid of your Shadow. Master it, for it is necessary to be. Shadow is. You are partly your Shadow. You cannot prevent it from being, it is impossible. You can only letting it be, in awareness or unawareness, you can only use it for your benefit, or suffer from it and make suffer from it. It is a very powerful energy that demands expression. To make its expression useful, to you and the other, which is the same thing because there is no real separation, you have to become aware of it to steer it. You cannot master its existence, you can only master its direction. If you negate it, it will take place in an uncontrolled and harmful way, against yourself and the other, which is the same thing, because separation is an illusion.  You will tackle something, the other, yourself, that is to say something that does not need it. This is why there is a lot of unaware and subtle agressiveness in lots of people. Maybe you do not realise it because you maybe unfortunately think that it is normal. This is why there is even hateful people. The one who masters one's shadow does not tackle anything agaisnt one's will, in unawareness, simply because one does not need it. This is what is the difference between the slave and the master. The slave acts by need and in unawareness, because he is ill-being, by every meaning of the term. The master acts by and in well-being. Many people are in conflict with the other and with life, Many people are in separation, because they are in conflict with themselves. They are separate from themselves. The master has no enemy. One cannot, since one is not separate. Well-being and well-doing, in other words, mastery, lies in completeness of being. In totality, not in separation. This is the key, this is the secret, this is what all is about: "To be, or not to be, that is the question". So, Be.  

 

 

I find this to be very interesting ,carl young has done work on the shadow[probably written a book ,not sure ] ,I was listening to Allen watts recently ,he was talking about carl young ,he said that carl could be totally at one with himself without judgement .we can take a lot of wisdom from this .I must do more reading on it myself

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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  • 7 months later...

Stumbled across this post... But sparked an instant connection... I am somewhat familiar with the "shadow", as defined in Jungian Psychology. It is a safe place in my scary tornado of a mind... This association and the message behind the "shadow theory" through my deep connection not only from my mother in childhood, but also with music as a coping mechanism. Lyrics for '46&2', TOOL- though just common speculation, is rumored to be written loosely around this "Jungian" shadow theory. Regardless it is a song focused on healing... And one I cherish.

 

UPC

Ativan 1or2mg PRN: 2003 - present 

Paxil up to 60mg: Aug 2005 - Feb 2013

Adderall XR Varied dosages on and off: 1994? - present

Pristiq 100mg: Feb 2013 - Feb 2014

Effexor XR 150mg: Feb 2014 - Jun 2016; then gradual taper. D/C'd in Nov 2017.

Xanax 1mg: PRN 1998 - Jan 2018

Zoloft 200 mg: 2016, Taper then CT Dec 2017 AMA. Destroyed my life. And everyone I love. 

Prozac 5mg daily: JAN 2018 - OCT 2018, CT'D against my will and despite my protests.

 

Current: (NOV 2018) Ativan 1mg prn, Adderall XR 15mg daily, Clonidine 0.1mg twice daily

 

 

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Do you think that maybe rather than mastering, shadow needs to be held in compassion and kindness like an abandoned child turning up on our doorstep?

 

Once upon a time, splitting certain parts off and filling our bag of shadow was a very effective and intelligence survival mechanism. Especially as children when we had to model ourselves in a way that would guarantee caregiver attunement.

 

How do you personally practice integrating the shadow?

 

 

Taper commencing 14/06/18:

  • Going down by 2.5mg per month from 35mg - once 2.5mg is bigger than the recommended 10%, I'll switch to a water solution. 
  • Planning to taper until October and then hold until 2019 - balancing study, work, life and holiday season.

 

Medication / withdrawal history:

  • Tapered July 2016 to October 2016, unsuccessful and reinstated to 30mg (didn't track specifics)
  • Tapered March 2017 to August 2017, was unsuccessful and reinstated to 35mg (didn't track specifics).
  • Current taper - started 1st January 2018 @ 32.5mg and 2.5mg per month until I reach a dose where 2.5 is > 10% of dose.

 

Morning supplements:

B complex, Niagen, COQ10, Black seed oil, Vitamin C, Zinc, Fish Oil, EGCG, Bosweilla Extract, Curcumin (Longvida), Vitamin D, R-ALA, NAC, Ashwagandha (occasionally), Epimedium / Icariin, Resveratol.

 

Evening supplements:

NatureCalm Magnesium, Glycine, Ashwagandha, Reishi, Schisandra, Melatonin.

I also take Phenibut (maximum 3 times weekly at a dose that doesn't build tolerance) and Oleamide when required.

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