☼ Cookson: citalopram cold turkey - help a kind sir in his hour of need!

[Cookson]

My stats:
Male
Age 19
Green eyes
Good body
6ft tall
Tall handsome looking for love, passion.
Well endowed. Basically I've got a giant...whoopsss, wrong forum! Forgive me! Shame because I have got a massive....problem! 
 
Hi all! How are my fellow ssri buddies who are/were going toe to toe with these drugs?
I'm new and here, and am here to talk about my withdrawal, Representing the many of us who have been lied too, deliberately forced, left in denial and lost are own true self to oblivion. For those of us who are pushing on forwards redeeming our full potential becoming the strongest version of our self. Because all of this is just experience really isn't it? We took these medications as a result of how we were feeling, a by-product of the demons we battle with inside us. Life tests us, these walls and road blocks that are put in front of us mould us. They make or break us. It is our choice if we choose to slide backwards or push on through.
 
Anyhow! Enough of the dramatic, pretentious, opening introductory literature rubbish! Of which I am compensating for my tiny brain, But of which I hope some will find enlightening. I am no uneducated peasant Ill have you know my good sir!
 
I do ramble don't I?! haha
 
Anyway, I've had an underlying mood disorder, or mental illness...what ever you want to call it for as long as I can possibly remember. Bad anxity, OCD and deppression, cue violins and sympathetic music! But funnily enough I was convinced I hadn't. Up until last year I was sure that my problems were biological, Or perhaps a tad In denial when I look back! Even with the fact that both my parents and sister are on ssri of one sort or another who lack the emotional capacity of a butter knife and are practically robots... I respectively refuse to became chemically lobotomized and join your robo-cult! Anyways I dropped out of college down to extreme tiredness and lack of ability to think etc.. and turned to alcohol. More wine squire! vida did flowww! Unfortunately like pringles once you pop you cant stop! This didn't help obviously and promised myself that I would find out what was truly wrong with me. I went down the medical route. Unfortunately being a Brit unlike our trans atlantic cousins, with your 'medical insurance' and 'healthcare viewed as a consumer product' ensuring the patients health is treated optimally! Over here Its different. Although the healthcare is national and public for all, it is socialist in nature- I succeeded In avoiding the word communist their. I did this to avoid America breaking ties with our country ending are special relationship forever to associate us with extreme evil! Yes well here its here all about the functionality of the patient and spent over a thousand pounds going private to several doctors getting blood tests all under the sun to try and discover that mystery illness!
The last doctor I went to admitted that biologically I was fine, which was ruled out that I had something psychology wrong with me and gave me the ssri citalopram 20mg as casually as that. How dare you! I have nether been more insulted In my entire life I Cried! How dare you give me the stigma of a mental illness! Not even an evaluation! This is immoral! inhuman! unethical! I shall not being subjected to this! I demand I see your doctors degree! Call the guards! Off with his head! Obviously that never happened. I simply got my meds and left. After taking them for 6 weeks with all manner of side effects that I won't go into now I stopped them. ended It. finished it. Because I didn't like who I was becoming... Because I didn't want to have to take a drug to escape reality instead of dealing with it myself! Redemption come within ma brothers!
So I stopped cold turkey... Because I couldn't get any more tablets? Because I just didn't want anymore of this poison in my body? Or because I'm becoming a full time bad man? I don't know! haha
I've been off for 5 weeks! cue applause!  
My withdrawl!
1st week vertigo, dizziness, headaches! mood swings!
2nd week, just dizziness and depression
3rd week improvement!
4th improvement!
5th week which Is what I'm In now!
I've noticed I'm getting a lot of brain fog? Like It takes me longer to say what I wanted to say? Cognitively impaired and my short term memory is suffering! Very annoying and affecting my work! Any advice would be much appreciated on how to approach this thank you everyone for reading much love to you all and best of wishes!
 
Ps. Big pharma you are a rotten cancer criminal organisation! Your deadly pills ravage the western world like a plague stealing the lives of people! You should all be shot at dawn!
 
 
 
 

[Cookson]

Please help me! Want my old self back!

[Petunia]

Hi Cookson,
 
Welcome and thank you for writing such an entertaining introduction post
 
But seriously, I'm sorry you are still feeling unwell.
 
You took citalopram 20mg for 6 weeks, then stopped cold turkey and have been off them for 5 weeks.  From what you wrote, it seems that the majority of your symptoms occurred during the first 2 weeks off, and you have been getting progressively better, with there now being some remaining brain fog.
 
Have you been experiencing brain fog for the entire 5 weeks, or just during this last week?
 
You could reinstate a small amount of citalopram, stabilize on that and then begin a taper, but if it were me, I would give it a couple more weeks, you were only on them a very short time and quite possibly are about to be reacquainted with your old self very soon.
 
Maybe look at a few lifestyle improvements like diet, exercise and making sure you are getting enough quality sleep.
 
I'm sure other members will have some more ideas or suggestions to help you decide what to do.
 
Petu.

[Cookson]

Hey petu! no problems my aussie cobber! How's the weather down under?

 

Thanks for your concern. And yes that's all correct. And yes when I think of it, the brain fog did exist when I stopped. Just I was perhaps incapable of comprehending it down to...brain fog! haha but joking aside It has got better, wouldn't have this fluidity to wright I suppose!

 

I'm very 'Anti' anti depressants and would not really want to reinstate the drug. Drugging, electro shock compulsive therapy and other barbaric treatments of mainstream psychiatry is bad science put into practise and must be replaced! End the tyranny!

 

However If I were to reinstate what would you recommend?

 

Another symptom that I am experiencing that I forgot to say is that I've been getting slight tremors in my arms and legs, like shivers. But I'm not cold! It is obviously a back room conspiracy between big pharma and clothes stores to increase the sales of their wooly coats! How dare they!

 

Thanks for reading my flamboyant rubbish with mildly sinister undertones! Good day!

 

Must do this more often! expression of the soul is therapeutic!  

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Cookson.

 

Very sorry you got caught in the old trap.

 

If your symptoms are getting worse, I would take a very small amount, such as 2mg citalopram, stabilize, and taper properly from there.

 

See http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2023-tips-for-tapering-off-celexa-citalopram/

[Cookson]

Hi Altostrata!

 

Yeah I got caught out!

 

Luckily wasn't on them for that long! 

 

Will give it another week and keep updating this! And if symptoms persist, will try what you suggested!  

[Cookson]

Okay had my first fit today... Very scary :/

 

Am at a bit of a loss of what to do.

 

Anyone?

[Altostrata]

What do you mean by a fit?

[Cookson]

All over body spasm. Had no idea what had happened until I heard my sister screaming at me.

 

Have felt so dizzy and sick all day :/

[mammaP]

Hi Cookson, thank you for joining us, you made me smile with your colourful intro  .

I'm sorry you got drawn into the AD scene at your age and hope you can leave it behind 

without too many problems. Your 'fit' experience doesn't sound very pleasant, it must have been quite

scary for you and your sister! I hope it was a one-off, you can do without that! 

[Cookson]

Hi mammaP

 

Yeah, Wasn't exactly convenient LOL

 

Was more upset about spilling my coke!

 

Definitely something wrong with me, my priorities seem a bit warped haha

[Cookson]

Might as well update this thing!

 

Feeling better now, a LOT less twitchy and jittery.

 

Also the dizziness has got better. Just still a bit warm

 

Thank you for every ones concerns! Means a lot! Espially when family have no idea why your experiencing this.  

[Tulalip]

Hi Cookson

 

Your very funny!

 

I see that you and me were on the anti depressants for similar short periods of time and went the cold turkey route of coming off.

 

Sorry about the fit you experienced. Hope your feeling better now

[sarahewhe]

Your intro made me giggle... so, you may be going through a hellacious experience, but at least you can laugh and make others laugh with you! 

 

Hang in there. Be kind to yourself and take good care of yourself. 

I also want to applaud you for looking into these medicines and coming up with a plan to get off before you got too hooked. I was 18 when I got on, am 30 now, and it's a real struggle. I really do feel like I lost a portion of my life to the meds, since psychiatrist after psychiatrist told me it's not a problem to be on these meds super long-term, that the symptoms couldn't possibly last forever, that withdrawal syndrome isn't real, etc. Such a shame. 

 

I hope your crappy w/d symptoms start to go away soon.... taking fish oil and eating lots of omega-3 fats and lean proteins has been really helpful for me, something to consider if you aren't eating a lot of that kind of thing yourself. 

[Cookson]

Hi Sarahewhe

 

Sorry to hear that. We put all are faith and trust into are psychiatrist's and It is appalling apparent how uneducated they are on this!

 

I know for a fact if I went back to my doctor about my withdrawal symptoms he would say your original symptoms of depression have returned and with a 'tisk' tisk' give me another ssri and shown the door.

 

Struggling to think what we did in are pasts lives to deserve this?!  

 

Yes am keeping my diet in check!

[Cookson]

Hi again everyone

 

Have been discussing this with a member but everyone has been so helpful and supportive which is what I need right now so will post away.

 

Basically I took ecstasy 5 days ago and must have had a big impact on my nervous system due to the twitches, shakes and fit I experienced.

 

I hate myself for doing It and know It will have delayed my recovery.

Its just that over the last few days I have lost my pleasure for life.

My will, my drive and above all my heart seem to feel dampened.

 

I would really love some reassurance and support that things are going to be OK.

 

Also My dad is taking Ciatopram 20mg but I found out 10 years ago he was on them for 2 years-quit cold turkey, fine after 6 weeks he said and didn't take them again unto 3 years later when his sister died.

 

So hopefully this withdrawal wont be to serve all prolonged.

 

Thanks again to everyone for being so helpful and giving me all this advice-really happy I found you guys! 

[Cookson]

I've also noticed my dreams are coming back-more frequent and vivid. Good sign that I'm recovering?

[Cookson]

I see that my confession of taking mdma has left me in the eyes of some members that my actions are 'distasteful'?

[Rhiannon]

Hey Cookson, I wouldn't worry too much about being judged for trying Ecstasy. We have all kinds of people here and some of us have done all kinds of drugs and some haven't.  At your age it's certainly not unusual. People might be unsure what to say as far as how to help or advise, though. And sometimes people just get busy. It's an Internet forum, nobody's paid to be here, so some days there are tons of posts and replies, and then you can go for a long time and nobody drops by. It's not necessarily anything personal.

 

I don't think I need to tell you that right now while your CNS is destabilized and recovering from the SSRI probably it's not a great idea to perturb it further by throwing other strong chemicals into the mix. Obviously it didn't work out well for you. 

 

I think the chances of you recovering fully within three to six months are quite excellent, as long as you don't do anything stupid.

 

Take care of your brain. You have a lot of years left, during which you will want to use it. :-)

[Cookson]

I have experienced this ever since my late teens.

 

A typical day for me Ill wake up feeling exhausted, down and brain foggy at 7:30 to go to my soul destroying job to hit the train line getting crushed joining the zombies dressed in grey.

From 9-5 I'm wishing it away, watching the clock so slow that it might stop. 

 

Feeling major fatigue set in between 3 and 5.

 

And then from 8pm onwards, I have a major surge of energy and happiness, like I've broken free.

Its as if the clouds have opened up, my brain is operating at 110% I'm completely wired and on the ball with absolute focus. 

My neurons are firing at full capacity and the creative juices are flowing. 

I'm euphoric-completely ecstatic about life and how beautiful it is.

I conjure up vivid fantasies of how fantastic my life will be-wishing I could feel like this forever.

Such a great feeling of wellness in my body.

I end up struggling to sleep until about 12. 

 

And then the cycle continues, I wake up the next morning back to reality. I reflect on last night which feels as distant as a faint dream to how I feel now. Back to working my life away just to live but I'm not living.

 

I wright this now at 12:51 which is my 'peak' time.

 

I often see myself as having two personalities- an insecure, unhappy broken version. And the ubber happy, confident off the stage, feeling good in my own skin version of me. 

 

Does anyone else experience this?

 

 

 

 

[Cookson]

Hi Rhi, thanks for the feedback.

 

Yes indeed!

[alexjuice]

Yes,I have this.  I take manganese supplements which helps me w/ the adrenaline burst at night... and those help me a bit with night time stimulation.

 

good luck

[Cookson]

Is this adrenaline that's causing It? 

 

Talk about an inconvenient time of release

 

Thank you

[alexjuice]

It might be or might not be. I get symptomatic relief w/ manganese supplements which I bought at the grocery store. Manganese is a needed mineral and is unlikely to be harmful as a supplement so it's worth a try. If you try it and aren't sure if it is helping then stop taking it. If it will help you then you will definitely notice that you feel appreciably more calm.

 

good luck

[Cookson]

Okay thanks for the suggestion, Will try get hold of some

[alexjuice]

Yea, the other thing that I take are activated charcoal capsules which you get at Walgreens or the London equivalent... I am certainly better able to get to bed and also fall back to sleep. I'd try that and see if it helps. Good luck

[Meimeiquest]

Cookson, How do you feel on your days off? Maybe you just hate your job? Or feeling bad at the beginning of the day can be a symptom of depression?

[Cookson]

I will generally be exhausted on my days off and will just sleep in.

 

Yes I suppose I do. All work no play I've got to break free! But theirs brown letters on my doorstep that strongly disagree :/

 

Most likely.

[Cookson]

Been working out how long I've been on/off the citalopram.

Unfortunately I was on them for slightly longer then I had thought, 7 weeks. 

However have been citalopram free for over 7 weeks now

[Cookson]

Purchased some manganese yesterday.

Have found It to be very calming and sedating-all I need to unwind before bedtime thanks for the suggestion alex. 

 

Just as an observation-I am currently experiencing brain fog which I know was WD induced.

However, I experienced this side effect the entire 7 weeks I was taking citalopram-to a worse extent even. 

 

My question is could anything be drawn from this of why this happened?

Could this I mean I have a higher sensitivity towards the brain fog/mental numbing of anti depressants and therefore, susceptible to a prolonged WD?  

[Altostrata]

manganese or magnesium???

[Cookson]

manganese, Alto

[Cookson]

Have been experiencing a jitteriness feeling today. Like as if I need to stretch.

Had this exact same side effect when first started taking the citalopram.

Also, my hearing has been playing up, Some sought of odd noise like a ZZZzzzzzzz

 

Could anything be drawn from this?

[Altostrata]

The zzzzz sounds like tinnitus, a withdrawal symptom. The jitteriness sounds like a wave.

 

How did you decide to take a manganese supplement, may I ask?

[Cookson]

What do you mean by a 'wave'? a sign I'm recovering I hope!

 

The jitteriness has come in conjunction with an uplift In mood which is a pleasant surprise to how 'flat' I've been feeling. 

 

Of course! Just tablet form.

[Altostrata]

Oh, I meant why did you decide to take manganese?