NewBeginning: my withdrawal story

[Newbeginning]

Is your major symptom tiredness?

 

A quick update on my withdrawal process. I'm completely off sertraline and effexor. Just taking 20mg Prozac. Started taking prozac 20mg every other day 4 days ago and I'm feeling weak and light headed. ....

 

 

It is possible that you can have withdrawal from one drug even though you are taking another. However, the way you've been taking Prozac, you haven't given it a chance to work.

 

You have only just started taking Prozac regularly after going off Effexor and skipping Prozac doses. It may take quite a while for your nervous system to settle down. You can't tell if the Prozac will work yet.

 

Switching to Effexor is unpredictable. Generally, it's best not to jump from drug to drug.

 

It's highly likely nothing will fix you up right away. There are no easy answers to these situations.

 

Thamks Alto. I realize I am in unpredictable territory now and it's very scary. I'm in grad school. I have a major deadline for my dissertation in October, a contract summer job, and a work assignment due in a week. I can't just take a month off to rest and see what happens.

 

I already messed up at school and work several times and blamed it on health problems, and people don't tolerate much more than that.

 

This is why I'm taking some desperate measures and took effexor again yesterday. I gave the 20mg prozac daily a week and it did not seem to be getting better at all. I realize it might have needed longer to stabilize me, but I don't have the priviledge of givinbg it time.

 

I understand from your post that deciding to take effexor again might either help or make things worse. I'm desperate enough to take that risk, because I don't really have an option.

 

I did talk to the dr. He said if 10mg prozac daily or re-instating effexor didn't help, he was going to refer me to get a medical check. We decided on going back to effexor and keeping prozac at 20mg daily for now. He said he wouldn't want to put me back on the "poison" that cauised this in the first place (effexor), but if I wanted to do it, we could try it. He obviously called it "poison" in a figurative sense, but it's still interested he even used that term.

 

In fact, for those of us trying to get rid of the negative effects of these drugs on our nervous systems, they're nothing short of poisons. Antidepressants have been a life saver for me in the past, but they gave me a lot more trouble than they gave me relief.

[Newbeginning]

I forgot to answer your question.My major symptom is feeling ill like Ihave the flu or a mild fever (weak, headach-y, and with general malaise). I could take a nap anytime of day or night, when I usually have a hard time falling asleep. Even stimulants have no effect on me. Pain killers also don't seem to make much difference...

[Lexy]

The symptoms you describe is what I felt at the time from cutting my dose in half.

It took me 6 months to get over the flu like symptoms.

Ibstopped listening to my doctor a long time ago. In fact I tell him what I need. I told him about compounding and switching from immediate to brand XR effexor. All this has helped to get rid of the vertigo and headaches. Although it came with a high price. I endured mood swings and anxiety while switching to XR. Mood swings have lessened but the fatigue never goes away.

 

I would try the 10mg Prozac every day that Alto recommends.

I would also try taking a few beads of effexor every day. When I have missed pills the next day I have suffered from it and the last few times Ive missed a dose I have taken a few beads and major symptoms subsided quickly. Help this helps.

[Altostrata]

Those are classic withdrawal symptoms.

 

Lexy has offered excellent advice, to try a few beads of Effexor CONSISTENTLY with Prozac for a while. I certainly would not add a significant dose of Effexor to either 10mg or 20mg Prozac.

 

Or, if you are taking 10mg Prozac, go up to 15mg Prozac and try that for a week or two before jumping to 20mg Prozac.

 

NB, you cannot rush stabilization of your nervous system. It's quite likely nothing will work fast enough for your schedule. Jumping around on drugs and dosages is not the way to stabilize it. Move carefully. If you continue to irritate your nervous system, you may find yourself in a much worse situation.

 

Please be aware your doctor knows nothing about tapering or withdrawal -- this is quite common -- and any tests probably will be negative.

[Lexy]

I think Alto is right on.  I trust Alto more than any pdoc who do not believe in wds.  

It will take time to stabilize but you will.  Never lose hope.

[Newbeginning]

Thanks Lexy & Alto. I have gotten back to about 20mg effexor (the last dose I took before quitting) and I'm keeping the 20mg prozac for now. Once I'm more stable (in a few weeks), I will try decreasing to 10mg prozac and staying at that dose.

 

I have also learned the lesson and I will firmly ask the dr to prescribe effexor through a compounding pharmacy so I can continue to very gradually decrease the dose. I don't want to try decreasing faster anymore. It's not fair that I have to endure days and days of being sick just because most of his patients can tolerate a quicker taper. I obviously can't and I'm sure at this point he will agree with me on that.

 

The good news is today I think I'm a little better. Still light headed and tired; still get headaches when I think,  but my head feels more clear and my mood is better. I'm really hoping this is a sign that reinstating effexor will help stabilize me.

 

I'm also grateful that, compared to what many of you have endured, my system seems to be adapting better to a faster taper. I have managed 30% decrease every few weeks with little to no problems, especially while cross-tapering. Even when my brain has experienced withdrawal, I have achieved stabilization within a week upon reinstating.

 

I'm not counting on this continuing to happen. I realize our brains get more sensitized every time we put them through withdrawal or through long exposure to these meds.

 

So regardless of this, I plan on a slow taper of 20% every 3-4 weeks from both effexor and 10mg Prozac.

 

Is there any post on how to taper both drugs when you're using prozac to cross-taper?

 

Again, I'm really really grateful for all the advice and support I receive from all of you in this forum. I hope I can contribute to help others too.

[Altostrata]

These are the discussions about switching to Prozac. You didn't read them?

Your doctor is misinformed. Skipping doses of Prozac can cause bad symptoms just like any other antidepressant.

 

Please see this topic http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/759-tips-for-tapering-off-prozac-fluoxetine/

 

Also, 20mg Prozac is a hefty dose to bridge off 75mg Effexor. See http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1463-the-prozac-switch-or-bridging-with-prozac/

 

Taking a combination of a significant dosage of Effexor with Prozac for any length of time is not recommended. The combination can be too stimulating. See discussions of serotonin toxicity.

 

I've been advising against your plans to pour on the meds and speed up the tapering. It's up to you to make your own decisions.

 

I hope you don't mind, I think I've contributed all I can.

[Newbeginning]

Thanks Alto. I apologize. My mind was not very clear when I wrote that. I do recall seeing that information on that link, but I have to go back and review it more slowly.

 

I did understand and appreciate your recommendation. I think you might have misunderstood me though. I don't plan to do fast taper. Quite the opposite. I will ask the dr to prescribe effexor from a compunding pharmacy so I can taper very slowly. I'm at 20 mg effexor now so I don't plan on being completely off of it for 7-10 months, depending on how my body reacts as I taper.

 

I'm not sure yet how to taper from prozac. I need to re-read that thread. I personally would rather not be taking them both. I would like to follow your recommendation and cut down on prozac as much as I can---but I'm also scared of triggering withdrawal symptoms, so I'm trying to be more careful in how I decrease the dose of that too.

 

So no, I have no intention of pouring on more meds or tapering fast. I want to do what I can to prevent future withdrawal

 

I have a question, which maybe is silly for some of you but I've been wondering: doesn't prolonging the taper further induce "dependance" on these meds? I understand that the hypothesis is that a gradual taper allows the body to gradually adapt to functioning with lower doses of the med. However, I wonder if continuing to take the med for long periods of time, especially at higher doses, does not have negative effects too, even if we're decreasing the dose (very slowly)?

[Altostrata]

NB, please include your last 6 months of adventures with Prozac in your signature.

Re-reading your topic for this information (which I don't want to do again), I am struck by your history of jumping around on drugs. My guess is here's where your problem started:

A quick update on my withdrawal process. I'm completely off sertraline and effexor. Just taking 20mg Prozac. Started taking prozac 20mg every other day 4 days ago and I'm feeling weak and light headed.
....

 
 

Thanks Alto. I decreased effexor very slowly over several weeks while on Prozac 20mg. Actually, it's been months decreasing effexor.
 
I only completely got off effexor last week. Then the dr said to wait about 5 days and start taking the Prozac every other day. He said prozac stays in the system more than a day so I probably wouldn't get withdrawal symptoms.
 
The withdrawal is not as severe as before but I do feel tired. I feel like I could lie down all day and just eat, watch tv and sleep. I'm assuming it's withdrawal...

 

Then we started recommending that you be very consistent in your dosing. This was a little over a week ago, for example:
 

 

 

I read the prozac thread you shared. It seems like they are a lot of different opinions on how to cross taper. It's too complicated for me to make sense of when I'm barely alert.
 
Thank you for your help Alto. I appreciate it.

 
The most important thing at the moment is to take your dose every day, our nervous system needs stability if its going to recover.  Please try and work with us, Alto has a lot of of experience, more so than most doctors who know next to nothing about how to come off these drugs safely.
 
If it were me, I would be taking 10mg at the same time every day.  Then holding for 1 - 2 months until I felt better, or as long as it took.  Then I would start a slow taper from that at 10% per month, as is described in the link Alto provided.
 
I know you are feeling bad now, but you could get a lot worse if you don't take care of your nervous system by tapering properly.
 
Stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.

 

 
Thanks Petu. I have to find a way to do that because I have the caps. I'm not sure it is the Prozac though, because I get withdrawal even in the days I take it. It could be the effexor I quit last week. I called the dr to discuss it. Waiting to hear back.
 
In the meantime, I will go back to taking prozac 20mg every day to see if that gets things better. If it does, then at least I know the trigger is cutting down prozac and not quitting effexor.
 
The unpredictability of all this is so challenging. I just lost a job because I could not perform reliably. I still get to feel guilty and inadequate because no one understands how much the withdrawal process can be disruptive. Like today, I'm too weak and lightheaded to do much, other than write her and respond to e-mail...

 

 

 

Please do not skip doses to taper, even though your doctor thinks it's okay. He is wrong. Your prior experience demonstrates that.
 
Also, you need longer to stabilize -- a month or more, depending on your symptoms.
 
If you need a prescription and he won't write it, any doctor can prescribe Prozac.
 
Apathy is a common withdrawal symptom. If it's an adverse effect of Prozac, you might try a slight reduction later.

 
 

....

You have only just started taking Prozac regularly after going off Effexor and skipping Prozac doses. It may take quite a while for your nervous system to settle down. You can't tell if the Prozac will work yet.
 
Switching to Effexor is unpredictable. Generally, it's best not to jump from drug to drug.
 
It's highly likely nothing will fix you up right away. There are no easy answers to these situations.

 

 

The next day, May 24, you add 20mg Effexor. You feel a little better. Do you think this might be because you've given a consistent dosing of Prozac a whole 10 days to work?

 

Adding Effexor probably was unnecessary and has put you at risk for serotonin toxicity. This is not good for your nervous system.
 

It looks to me like you have an inclination to experiment with drugs and jumping around with dosages. This is the source of your problems. We say months, you expect results in days. From what we've seen on this site, it doesn't work this way. Once your nervous system is stressed by withdrawal, consistency is key and changes should be made very carefully.

 

It may take you a while to learn this because, well, you're a newbie. You also have unrealistic expectations of drugs fixing you up. I hope everything goes well for you from here on out.

[Rhiannon]

I agree 100% with what Alto has said. Repeating this quote (my emphasis):

"NB, you cannot rush stabilization of your nervous system. It's quite likely nothing will work fast enough for your schedule. Jumping around on drugs and dosages is not the way to stabilize it. Move carefully. If you continue to irritate your nervous system, you may find yourself in a much worse situation.

 

Please be aware your doctor knows nothing about tapering or withdrawal -- this is quite common -- and any tests probably will be negative. "

 

Gravity is a fact. The earth turns 360 degrees in about 24 hours. And your brain's stabilizing and recovery is something that takes time. No amount of desire or willpower or wishing or personal strength or courage in the world will change that.

 

You keep reacting, changing things as soon as you have a bad day or two or three, jumping around on drugs and dosages, and every time you do that you delay the actual process of stabilizing, which is what has to happen before you can even think about tapering off.

 

We have a LOT of experience here with people in situations very much like, or sometimes exactly like, yours. We aren't making this stuff up.  I've gotten pretty good at spotting who's going to do well and who's going to end up another Anatomy of an Epidemic case history (the sad ending ones, not the happy ending ones). And I speak as one of the sad ones--I'm finally pulling my life out of total tragedy, but I lost 20 years and will never recover financially or vocationally or socially from the loss of those years.

 

You're doing exactly what I did for so many years. I doubt you'll have better results. 

 

Personally I will probably not be posting in your thread any more because I think your prognosis is poor because you don't seem to be listening to what you're being told. If you don't change course, things are not going to go well for you over the long term, and I can't fix that. I'm sorry, but we are all volunteers here and have only so much time to spend, so I'm going to invest my time in people who are listening and whom I might actually be able to help.

[Newbeginning]

Hello,

 

I'm sorry if I came across like I was not listening or valuing your advice. I do appreciate all the help. I panicked when after 9 days of feeling bad, things were not improving, especially after I got "fired" because of not being well. My mental capacity was affected by the withdrawal symptoms too, so I might have not understood everything you said.

 

  For example, I didn't understand at first that Alto was recommending I do not reinitiate effexor, but instead give prozac more time taking it daily. I followed her advice and went back to taking prozac daily at a regular time. I was waiting to be more stable before I followed her second advice of cutting to 10mg. I honestly did not interpret her as saying it was not recommendable to re-add effexor. She might have meant that, but I was confused and misunderstood. 

 

I honestly wish I had the chance to rest for a few months until I'm more stable, but I don't. I will make it a point to taper very slowly from now on. Will update the signature as soon as I feel a little better. Right now it's still hard to think.

 

I apologize if I offended anyone or came across like I don't value your advice or experience. I'm just struggling and confused. I'm sorry.

[Newbeginning]

So, to make sure I understood Alto's last advice, does she recommend I quit effexor and stay at 20mg prozac for at least a month, then taper to 10mg prozac and reduce 10% every month? There's a lot of different opinions in the threads you recommended. Some said reinstatement is a good option. Now I realize I misunderstood and you girls were advicing against it.

 

I know the overall point is to minimize the number of meds, keep stable and taper extremely slow. I got it. Problem is I changed two drugs almost at the same time followind dr advice *before* I heard your advice, and you yourselves told me this is a very tricky situation where there are no clear cut answers. Then I read the thread you suggested and there is also several contradictory opinions on how to do it.

 

Add that to my panic and mental issues from withdrawal, and I think it's understandable I was confused. I honestly did not mean to ask for your advice and disrespectfully disregard it.

 

It's hurt my feelings that now on top of my others stressors, it seems like I'm being rejected here. I'm hoping I can still receive support from forum members

[Winner]

Hi Newbeginning,  I am doing the Prozac switch too.  I found I had to start on 5mg for a few days go to 10mg then 15mg and now I am on 20mg.  It took me two weeks to get to 20mg and I was only tapered over 2 weeks of Aropax.  Yes I still had issues but now 3.5 weeks on I am really stable.  I found each day brought an new w/d symptom but I just kept reminiding myself that it was w/d and that it would be gone soon.  I have used the advice here of stabilising on one thing for a while and letting my system recover.  I think your poor old nervous system is crying out for help.  I tink one type of SSRI would be enough but you need to give it time to work.  I was on these horrid tings for 15 years another few months will not hurt and hopefully I will be able to stay functional while doing my Prozac taper.

 

Be kind to your brain/mind/body.

[Altostrata]

NB, my guess is the Effexor is unnecessary. It doesn't make sense to go back on it and have to taper off it again. That's why you've substituted the Prozac.

 

If you've been taking it only a few days, I would cut the Effexor dose in half for 4 days, then drop it. Stay on the Prozac at 20mg for now, very consistently, it's too late to cut that.

[Newbeginning]

Ok, got it Alto. Will try that.

 

Just to make sure, I had been taking effexor at 75 mg Since January. I actually tried 150mg but could not tolerate it, so I was on 150 mg for several days, then mostly 75-100. A month later I started weaning off of it because it didn't work. From February to May I cut down to 18.5mg and then quit some time in May. A week after that the problems started, but it was hard to tell if it was effexor or prozac because 4 days after quitting effexor the dr told me to start taking prozac every other day, which now I realize was a bad idea.

 

I'm mentioning it because you said I had been taking effexor for a few days and since I have not updated my signature, I wasn't sure I was clear about how long I took effexor.

[Newbeginning]

Hi Newbeginning,  I am doing the Prozac switch too.  I found I had to start on 5mg for a few days go to 10mg then 15mg and now I am on 20mg.  It took me two weeks to get to 20mg and I was only tapered over 2 weeks of Aropax.  Yes I still had issues but now 3.5 weeks on I am really stable.  I found each day brought an new w/d symptom but I just kept reminiding myself that it was w/d and that it would be gone soon.  I have used the advice here of stabilising on one thing for a while and letting my system recover.  I think your poor old nervous system is crying out for help.  I tink one type of SSRI would be enough but you need to give it time to work.  I was on these horrid tings for 15 years another few months will not hurt and hopefully I will be able to stay functional while doing my Prozac taper.

 

Be kind to your brain/mind/body.

 

Hi Winner,

 

Thanks for sharing your experience. I started with 20mg prozac and have been on that dose for more than a month now, so I can't try with a lower dose anymore. Had I known back then that we can taper with a lower dose, I'd have asked the dr to try 10mg for cross-tapering instead. I have to get stable again before I can change that dose.

 

I don't mind waiting months at all, as long as the withdrawal is not so bad that I can't function. When it gets past a week of feeling too sick to function, I start panicking about losing my job, which funds my school.

 

Right now my goal is to be stable again and then stay there for at least a month before tapering very slowly with a compounding pharmacy or liquid prozac. 

 

Best to you

[Lexy]

I only took effexor 150mg for 8 weeks and also could not tolerate the side effects.  I have been trying to taper off since then.

[Newbeginning]

Hi Lexy,

 

Effexor is hard to taper. Are you taking the XR? How are you doing with withdrawal symptoms?

 

How did you get your dr to prescribe a very slow taper schedule?

 

I take the generic of regular effexor and it comes in tablets, not capsules.

[Lexy]

Taking both the generic immediate and effexor xr.  The immediate generic was giving me vertigo and nausea 24/7 even as I had been micro tapering. Now adding the Effexor this has stopped but moods swings and anxiety have come into the picture more often.  

I have become very sensitized to this drug and i dont know how and when I'll be able to get off.  And I only took 150mg  for 8 weeks.

 

I told my doctor all about the wds which he seemed skeptical to believe me. He probably thought I was a hypochondriac.  I just told him I had researched it online and that I would not change to others meds and would slowly taper off it.  

[Newbeginning]

So even though he was skeptical, he's working with you on the slow taper?

 

Sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I also took effexor for a short time. However, I had been on zoloft for more than 1.5 years before that. I presume the zoloft sensitized my system so now I am reacting more strongly to withdrawal from effexor.

 

As a matter of fact, I took effexor years ago and stopped it with no problems after taking it for less than a year. In my case at least, it was the higher dose and the long term use of an SSRI that triggered withdrawal.

 

Once withdrawal starts, there's no going back-at least not in the short term. Maybe after months (years?) of being off the meds, one can tolerate them again. Who knows?

[Newbeginning]

So I'm waiting to feel more stable to try cutting effexor and then getting off effexor. It's too bad I'll have to wait a lot more to cut prozac because I noticed the apathy had gotten better and then returned around 2 weeks after taking prozac (which is when it's supposed to start having an effect).

 

Hanging in here. Will have to rely on the stimulant (nuvigil) to get stuff done. It does not work as good when I'm in bad withdrawal, but since the withdrawal is somewhat better now, I'm hoping it will work some. It's never made things worse. I take it very occassionaly for emergencies. Like now, my work is late again and I have to get it done no matter what.

 

Does anyone else feel that their symptoms get better when they are outdoors or moving vs sitting down or lieing down?? I've noticed this lately and I'm curious what it could be...

[Altostrata]

I am completely confused about what you're doing.

[Newbeginning]

Alto, I'll get off effexor and stay on 20mg prozac for stabilization. I'm just waiting to be more stable before I cut effexor. I'm scared that if I cut it while I have withdrawal it might get worse. Isn't that what you suggested?

[Altostrata]

No, I did not. Please re-read this topic.

 

However, if you feel more comfortable doing it like this -- well, whatever works.

[Newbeginning]

If I understood correctly, you suggested I drop effexor now, but I'm still having some withdrawal. Just the tiredness for now, so it's gotten better. If things continue to evolve the way they have, I should be able to drop effexor in a week or so. Just didn't want to do it while I was still sick. I know the withdrawal is likely from taking prozac every other day, but I didn't want to take any chances.

 

So I'm following what you suggested, but taking it a little more slowly because right now I have some deadlines and can't take a risk of going into withdrawal again.

 

Thanks for bearing with me. I appreciate it. Hope you're well.

[Newbeginning]

Any advice on how to deal with the tiredness? I drink coffee, even took a prescription stimulant (nuvigil) and I'm still falling asleep. Have work to do, was already given an extra week but it's hard to read and summarize complex articles when you're drowsy.

 

The tiredness and some headaches are the only symptoms I have but they're very disruptive. Thanks for sharing

[mammaP]

I don't know if it's the same for you but when I am in a wave of withdrawal I can't

drink coffee because it makes me very drowsy!  I fall asleep with the cup in 

my hand and spill it everywhere, and that is when I am so tired due to insomnia 

that my brain just son't function and I need to be alert. It has the opposite effect 

on me. 

[Newbeginning]

Thanks MammaP. I had not noticed before, but at least today it seems to be having that effect. Even Nuvigil, which is used for narcolepsy and for people who need to be up at night for work (eg, first respondents), is not working.

 

I'm at a loss. Only did the coffee and nuvigil as a desperate measure because I need to work.

 

Oddly enough, going outside sometimes helps. I'm going to try that because at times I think lying down actually makes it worse.

 

I'm lying down on the floor as I type this. Can't sit upright.

 

Thanks for sharing. Take care.

[Newbeginning]

I'm having a hell of a time right now. PMS is bad for me to start with and with withdrawal it's literally driving me crazy.

 

The fatigue was unbearable. Then frustration from not knowing how to explain to employers, let them down-again- and ask for more time to finish work-again. Shame, guilt, powerlessness.

 

More frustration and panic about other deadlines piling up and the unpredictability of this process. One mistake in withdrawal procedure and I'm looking at 1 month of being cognitively dysfunctional.

 

Add that to the general dysfunctionality that comes from extreme apathy, presumably due to chronic SSRI use.

 

Then talked to family, who don't understand. Someone told me that my negative thoughts were keeping me tired and depressed. My mom said if I put some music and start moving it might energize me a little. Nevermind that I took Nuvigil-a prescription stimulant that normally keeps me up 24 hours and it did not work. Nevermind the apathy is so bad, I struggle to brush my teeth and only do it twice a week now (and admitting that makes me feel horrible too,but it's the truth).

 

The frustration, the emotional havoc and added physical tiredness of PMS, the powerlessness and unpredictability of it all, it was just too much. At the end of the day yesterday, all I could think about is how much I wanted to die.

 

I didn't do anything to hurt myself, but I feel like I'm pinned against a wall.

 

Oh and the dr did not send my prescription to the pharmacy, even though the fax request was sent Monday. I had to borrow prozac from a friend.

 

My plan is to wait until PMS is over and then try cutting effexor dose in half. See how I do for a couple of weeks. Then if it's all ok try stopping effexor. I'm scared of doing this, but I was reading that if I stay on effexor and prozac for too long without tapering down effexor I might get hooked on effexor again to where prozac cross-taper might stop working.

 

Whatever I do, I'm risking another month of dysfunction. If only I had some clarity of mind to think of an intelligent mature way to ask my supervisors at school and work to give me the time I need to recover from all this. It's hard to do that when you feel so ashamed, guilty, unworthy, mentally foggy and .....

[Lexy]

Are you to ask for sick leave?

Why don't you ask your doctor to write up a sick leave without letting your job know the exact nature of the condition?

You don't have to disclose your medical illnesses to employers.

[Lexy]

I've noticed I also am affected with lowering when I'm having pms.

[Newbeginning]

Thanks Lexy. I have considered sick leave, but need the money. I wouldn't know how long to take sick leave for. If I take a few weeks, chances are I'll need it again later. It's so unpredictable.

 

I also have another problem: as an international student, immigration regulations require that I stay in school, so I can't take a leave of absence from school without having to return to my country. Something I really don't want to do. I hate moving and is a huge stressor for me.

 

I'm drafting a letter to the program coordinator at my school to see if we can work something out so I stay in school and work but get a lighter load for the next year or so.

 

I'm ashamed to have to admit the problem I'm facing. I'll have to tell more than one supervisor because I have several.

 

Thank you for listening and caring Lexy.

[bubble]

Hello NewBeginning,

 

I've read through your thread since 23 May. I understand that you are in grad school and under a lot of pressure. And pressure, messing up with drugs and withdrawal don't go well together. I'm just speculating based on my own experience but this impetus to meet deadlines even when your body and brain can't catch up probably caused you to take meds in the first place.

 

If there is any good in suffering that withdrawal causes than it is in listening to this very strict and harsh teacher to take a better care of ourselves. And better care always means putting ourselves and our needs first, well before any deadlines.

 

You still haven't learnt the difference between getting better and getting more functional. These two are actually very different. In order to be more functional we have to get better. But if we focus only on being functional, we can't get better.

 

From everything you wrote I just see the need to be functional at the expense of your wellbeing. Alto and Rhi explained you everything so that you wouldn't end up feeling like you are now. Now it's hard to tell what to do except something that always works:listen to your body and do what it says. If it's tired, find a way to create the environment in which it can rest.

 

I know very well this is a lot easier said than done. It requires a profound change of our cognitive and emotional patterns. If not a life saving then definitely a life changing. The fact that you are going to approach your numerous supervisors in an attempt to create the environment your whole body and soul require is an extremely important decision. You have every right to do so.

 

When you have more time and less pressure, I'm sure you will find the time and study how to make this whole process right. Until now it seems you've been making one mistake after the other.

 

I wish you the best of luck in standing up for yourself. It's far from easy but you are doing it. Just remember you owe it to yourself big time. In case others don't like it, it's simply not the right way for you. But most probably there won't be problems.

 

Best,

bubble

[Addax]

Hi NewBeginings.

 

I can't recall where you live, so this may not be applicable.

 

In the United States employers are required to make reasonable accommodations for qualified individuals with disabilities per the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). I'm not completely up to speed on the what requirements need to be met, but it might be worth looking up if you live in the U.S. It doesn't just apply to physical disabilities and may allow you to work and therefore continue to earn an income. I don't know all the ins and outs, but the ADA website and your employer will have the info.

 

There is also the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) in the U.S. Requesting intermittent/reduced leave schedule might be an option so you could work fewer hours. This is temporary, where as the 'reasonable accommodation' is more permanent.

 

Again, I don't know the specifics, so you'll have to check with your employer and look at the website.

 

If your not in the U.S. hopefully similar options are available to you.

[Altostrata]

You may be feeling fatigue from excessive dosing of Prozac plus Effexor. Reducing Effexor may help.

[Newbeginning]

Hello,

 

I want to thank everyone for your input and concern. It means a lot to me.

 

Alto, I began cutting effexor today. I took about 10mg with the 20mg prozac. I'll stay there for a few days to make sure I don't get worse before cutting more/quitting effexor. I was going to wait after my period was over before cutting, just to avoid adding one more stressor to my body, but Alto might be right and keeping effexor with prozac is more of a stressor right now.

 

Addax: I do live in the US but my work is part of my school program. It does not mean I can't request accomodations, but it just works differently. l have to agree with my supervisor on what I can do and how long it will take me. The problem is that they hire you per semester and if they get less work from you than from another student, they might not hire you next year. That reduces potential sources of funding, which are limited to start with.

 

Bubble: you're very wise and I admit I really did not have the wisdom to put my health first this time. Due to recurrent depression and now withdrawal I've let people down so many times that I just don't feel I deserve to ask for accomodations. I've been given so many chances. I also feel guilty because I second guess myself about whether I pushed myself enough. At some point, it's hard to distinguish between the tiredness from withdrawal and the psychological tiredness of seeing onself impotent for so long. I blame myself for not being able to distinguish that all the time--for the days and times I could have pushed and didn't.

 

Yet in spite of all the shame and guilt, being honest and asking for accomodations is the right and the reasonable thing to do. Bubble expressed it very well. The pressure is resulting in more stress and instead of doing more, I'm doing less and taking risks with my health that are making the withdrawal worse.

 

Some of the risks I took were due to ignorance. I was trying to understand the advice on the forum while I was in withdrawal and it took me a while to catch up with the knowledge I needed before I could apply it. Withdrawal affects me mostly cognitively and in my levels of energy so trying to understand anything is a challenge.

 

In the next few  days, I will take a deep breath and write some e-mails to ask everyone involved for accomodations-so I can give my body the time to heal from chronic med use.

 

Thanks again everyone for listening, caring and supporting me.