WinningThrough: Does it get better?

[WinningThrough]

Hi. I'm a new member. I've been completely stuffed up by psych drugs and am seeking support. I'm afraid this post is a bit long!

 

Last September, I was put on citalopram 20mg. This is the first time in my life I have ever taken any psych drugs. I am 49. I was suffering from anxiety and depression. I got so much worse on the citalopram. I developed akathisia (although I didn't know this at the time) and still have it. It's been really severe and I don't really know how I've kept going.

 

After about 5.5 weeks of hell and feeling so much worse than I did before the tablets, I decided to come off them. My doctor told me to go to 10mg for 2 weeks and then stop. I did this but decided to go to about 5mg and then stop. I was referred to a psychiatrist who said that 5mg was such a minute dose that I may as well just stop. So I did. I was on 5mg about a week. When I stopped, many of the side effects went away but the akathisia got even worse.

 

During my time on citalporam I was prescribed diazepam 2mg to help with any startup anxiety I may experience. Startup anxiety is the biggest understatement I have ever heard! I only took about 2mg once a week. It did absolutely nothing. It was upped to 4mg. It took a 4mg dose about once or twice a week. It hardly did anything. Just allowed my 5 hours sleep instead of the 2 hours I got on citalopram.

 

I also had zopiclone 7.5mg in that time. I only took about 5 tablets in 5 weeks.

 

I was only off the citalopram about a week and had no chance to heal when I was put on another SSRI (yuck)..sertraline 50mg and seroquel 50mg to 'augment' the antidepressant. I can't remember whether I took any diazepam during that time..I don't think I did.

 

I got worse. It was dreadful. The akathisia and constant terror of everything were terrible and I was shaking so much along with other hideous symptoms. This post is really long anyway so I can't go into details! My quetiapine dose was upped to 100mg. Felt worse.

 

I ended up in a psychiatric hospital with my 'agitated depression' (which I now know was akathisia) and guess what? Yep. My doses were upped. Sertraline 100mg and quetiapine 150mg. I was given lorazepam 1mg on the first evening and it was amazing. It really helped me (it's one of the treatments for akathisia). I was allowed .5mg for a further two nights (but this was before sleeping so the benefits were gone the next day). After this, on no benzo and higher doses of the meds, I was going nuts. I eventually got out of hospital and begged to be helped off the meds. Of course, the answer was no. My 'condition' could get 'worse'.

 

I've gradually weaned myself off both meds. I dropped to 50mg of sertraline early January. My psychiatrist didn't want me off the sertraline but did tell me how to wean off quetiapine. He said go to 100mg for two weeks, 50 for 2 weeks, 25 for 2 weeks and then stop. I did this and have been off something like 5 weeks. I got withdrawals like really bad tummy problems, irregular heartbeat, itchy skin and twitching. That all stopped. I took myself off the sertrlaine as doctors were clearly not going to help me. I went from 50 mg (which I'd been on about 6 weeks, I think) to 25mg for 2 weeks to 25mg every other day for about 10 days then stopped. It may have been too fast but I feel better off it despite all the added withdrawal symptoms.

 

I was allowed lorazepam outside of hospital. I take 1mg occasionally when I can't stand all this and it helps enormously. The most I've ever had is one 1mg tablet twice a week. Generally I've had 1mg either once a week or once a fortnight since Xmas.

 

Sorry about this long history. I thought it may help to get all the facts in. It's hard to know what drug is doing what. All I know is that ssris have been and still are utter hell for me. I hope one day I can get my life back.

 

At this stage I've been off sertraline for 3 weeks. Since then I've been getting brain zaps all day every day, I'm utterly exhausted, I have really bad sinus problems, I keep getting massive pressure behind my left eye, I'm getting sweats (but no temperature), crying spells, occasional bouts of anger. This on top of my existing akathisia, feeling like my legs aren't attached to my body, the list goes on.

 

I've started cutting out sugar, dairy and gluten. I've started taking magnesium tablets and omega fish oil capsules. I'm drinking lots of water. I find the occasional solpadeine tablet helps me. I'm trying to believe I will get better. I'm also trying not to take any lorazepam. Since withdrawing from my meds I fall asleep if I take it. I'm trying so hard to get well.

 

It's only 3 weeks since I've got off the meds and I've been on and off several things since last September so I guess I can't expect an easy ride. I just wonder, is this all normal and is there any hope it will all get better? Has anyone else had and recovered from akathisia? Are my withdrawal symptoms very typical at this stage? Thanks and here's to your recovery.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, WinningThrough.

 

I'm very sorry for all you've gone through. Yes, as you know now, your doctors were completely wrong.

 

There is a small group of people for whom serotonergics are entirely unsuited. These people react very badly within taking a few pills. It sounds like you might be one of these people.

 

Are you also off Seroquel? How did you go off that?

[Rhiannon]

Next time a doctor tells you 5 or 3 or 1 mg is a small dose, show them the charts in this study:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6036-why-taper-paper-demonstrates-importance-of-gradual-change-in-plasma-concentration/

 

I'm thinking of getting one tattooed on my arm...

 

;-)

[Wolfhound]

Hi WinningTrough, nice name. I must say I am feeling pretty down now and I was not able to post much last days but I had to write something when having read your story.

I feel so sorry for you.

We have definitely much in common, see my history in signature.

I would like to be optimist, but I am 4 months after the cold turkey and even I have been on grugs for 3 months only, still going trough a nasty withdrawal.

However I do hope you case will be milder and I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Take care

W.

[Rhiannon]

This is tricky since you're so sensitive to the drugs, but I'm concerned about delayed withdrawal symptoms. It's not uncommon for people to feel better at first but then to get hit pretty hard a few months down the line.  And you're not doing so great even right now it sounds like, as far as withdrawal.

 

I'm going to toss out there, just to consider, maybe reinstating a very, very small dose to help forestall that crash. I'm talking about something like 2 mg of sertraline.

 

I find that the side effects of meds are much less at very small doses and the risk/benefit tradeoff, as far as helping to take the edge off the worst of withdrawal, can be beneficial.

 

Something to think about anyway. 

[WinningThrough]

Hi everyone. Thank you is much for your kind replies.

 

Altostrata, I am off the seroquel. I was on 150mg, top dose, then went to 100mg for 2 weeks, 50mg for 2 weeks, 25mg for 2 weeks then stopped.

 

Wolfhound, I'm so sorry about what you've been through. I read your signature.

 

Rhi, thanks for your advice. Perhaps I will try that very low dose. Not sure how to cut my remaining 50mg tablets down to 2mg doses! My doctor will probably think I'm crazy if I ask for a really low dose!

 

Thanks, all, for being there. These have been the worst 6.5 months of my life. I've felt suicidal every single day and don't get any windows of relief.

[mammaP]

Citalopram/celexa is available in a liquid, or you can make your own liquid from

tablets and use an oral syringe to measure the dose. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2022-making-a-celexa-solution-yourself

 

Reinstating a tiny dose can make a huge difference! 

[Altostrata]

WT, that's a fairly fast schedule of going off Seroquel. You may be suffering a withdrawal reaction from that as well.

 

It's hard to say what to do. I can understand your reluctance to take either drug again. But reinstatement of a very small amount of citalopram is a way to test the waters. You can back off quickly if it does not help.

[WinningThrough]

Hi mamma P. Thanks for your message. You mentioned the liquid cilalptram..sertraline was the last ssri I was on. I came off citalopram last November. I came off sertraline 3 weeks ago. My final taper was 35mg every other day (50mg is the lowest 'therapeutic' dose). I only have 3 50mg tablets left.

 

Alostrata, thanks for all your help. I didn't realise that was a fast seroquel taper. I did what the psychiatrist said..100mg for 2 weeks, 50mg for 2 weeks, 35mg for 2 weeks and then off. But then he was one of the people who said I wasn't getting drug side effects!!! I did get quite a few withdrawal symptoms from the seroquel..itchy skin, irregular heartbeat, really bad tummy problems and twitching. That all stopped. I was only on the drug just over 2 months before I started tapering. I hadn't considered that I was still getting withdrawal from that on top of the sertraline withdrawal.

 

The idea of going back on any of the drugs now I'm off them makes me sick to the stomach as I had a horrific time on them.

 

I wonder sometimes whether the benzos have any impact withdrawal wise. I had diazepam as and when needed for a couple of months on and off, 4mg, and just had one or two doses a week. I've had lorazepam, 1mg, on an as required basis since Christmas. Twice during that time I had 1mg two days in a row which enabled me to have two nice weekends. Generally I have it twice a week, once a week or once a fortnight. I haven't had any for just over a week. I wonder if it's possible to get withdrawals from benzos even when you only have them occasionally.

 

It's all so confusing!!! I wish someone would wave a magic wand and fix us all!

[mammaP]

Sorry Winning,  my mistake.  Sertralene (zoloft) is also available as a liquid., 

Here is the read for tapering sertralene. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1441-tips-for-tapering-off-zoloft-sertraline/

 

And one that deals with reinstating and why it is worth doing. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3079-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

Benzos cause rebound anxiety in between doses. I am not actually experienced with benzos but someone else

will tell be able to tell you if they are helping or hindering your withdrawal.

 

Not one of us has ever wanted to reinstate after being so ill on meds but sometimes withdrawal can be much worse .

The chance of reinstatement working diminishes with time. Many of our members have been hit by worsening 

withdrawal after a few months off and have been unable to reinstate.  I came off effexor too fast and suffered 

withdrawal symptoms, reinstated just 5 beads (1mg) and felt better within days. It took several months to stabilise 

and I had some waves of withdrawal but they didn't last. 

 

It would help us if you could put your recent drugs history in your sig line, what you took, doses and when you 

decreased/stopped,  it is a lot of drugs and changes to remember but it will help us enormously. 

Here is how to do that. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/ 

[WinningThrough]

Thanks mammap and absolutely no need whatsoever to apologise. It was very kind of you to answer me and help me. I do appreciate it.

 

I've just posted on wolfhounds thread. She, like me, has akathisia and having read her posts (sorry wolfhound for talking about you as if you weren't there!) and her experience sounds very similar to mine. I will look into the sertraline taper link.

 

The withdrawal is less bad than the drug reactions even though it's bad!! As if severe unrelenting akathisia isnt enough, I have to get withdrawals too even tho I've been medicated only a short time. Hey ho! (Sorry for moaning).

 

I will do a signature. I filled in my drugs history when I joined but for some reason it's not showing up.

[WinningThrough]

Me again! Sorry for the self obsession. I want to start looking at the other threads too and seeing if I can be of any help rather than banging on about myself!

 

Just wondering about the reinstatement..wondering if it's safe for me as I'm so incredibly sensitive to meds. I've only put a very cut down version of my story so far, but a little more on wolfhound's thread.

 

On both ssris, as a reaction rather than withdrawals, I got (warning, it's not pretty and apologies)

 

Feeling suicidal every second of every day, no matter what I did.

Begging to die

Screaming

Pacing and banging the walls

Internal terror (which I now know is akathisia)

Inability to sit still

Writhing, squirming and moving my legs all the time

Inability to be comfortable in ANY position

Feelings of terror beyond anything I've ever experienced (every second of every day)

Inability to function

Stomach churning with every thought, negative or positive

Severe akathisia (all of the above)

Two bouts of sudden and horrible elation on citalopram accompanied by the inability to think of anything at all for more than 4 seconds

A suicide attempt (on sertraline startup)

Memory problems

Inability to think properly

Squeezed thoughts

Yellow bruises all over my legs

Shaking like crazy

Racing heart (over 100 bpm)

Internal leg shaking

Feeling like my legs don't belong to my body

Loss of sensation in my bladder

Numbness and buzzing in my left arm

(The above two happened on citalopram so it's hard to say whether sertraline continued it or not)

Inability to cry

Myoclonic jerks

Swollen eyelids (on citalooram)

Other things .. The list goes on

 

Since coming off the drugs, the bladder and numb arm returned to normal. The yellow bruises went. The heart rate went back to 60. The myoclonic jerks went. The akathisia isn't as bad as it was.

 

4 evenings in the last week, my mood has improved and I've actually thought of some things I can do in the future.

 

Withdrawal wise, from seroquel:

 

Irregular heartbeat (.didn't last long)

Terrible tummy problems

Twitching

Itchy skin

All the above went

 

Withdrawal from sertraline

 

Brain zaps (a little better today)

Sweats

Exhaustion like never before

Crying spells (at least I CAN cry now)

Sinus problems (improving)

Pressure behind eye (improving)

Continuation of akathisia but a bit less extreme

 

Given the severe reactions I experienced on both ssris, I am absolutely terrified to go back on them! The withdrawal is tough but better than the reactions. I don't know how I'm going to find a doctor to take me seriously enough to prescribe really low doses of sertraline or believe me about withdrawals.

 

Sorry if this sounds negative! Just thought I'd give you a list of some of the hideous reactions I've had to ssris that weren't withdrawal symptoms. It's so hard to know if I should reinstate at low doses given my extreme sensitivity to brain drugs.

 

Thanks for being there and listening. I'm really, really grateful.

[Wolfhound]

WT,

no need to apologise because of talking about me!

I am so sorry when reading about your experience here. I would like to offer a piece of advice, alas, I don´t think I am entitled to.

I haven´t reinstated personally. It was because I was in hospital and it was a forced cold-turkey and the doctors would not have allowed me to reinstate a small amount. This is the first reason, however, even if I was at home, I am not sure I would have the internal strength to reinstate just because I was so miserable on the drugs with incessant homicidal and suicidal urges...well the problem is that I have these in the withdrawal as well, but there are hours when it is disappearing so it is actually a bit better! If I can talk about my(our) condition as better when it is so miserable!

I see you are British so sorry for the possible mistakes. And sorry all for using the french apostrophy, I know native speakers hate it but I simply cannot find the english one here.

WT, I would be happy to help you but I don´t know how. Maybe just writing can help, many people helped me through writing here...sharing our feelings when we are so low...don´t hesitate to do it when you feel like it...I am thinking of you.

[Awake]

I know we're all individuals & different things will work differently for us. I'm amazed though that there aren't more readily made resources for coming OFF of these toxic meds!! I am struggling so much with weaning off of trazodone (prescribed to me for sleep) at the last stages of it. It was challenging (but not this rough) at the higher dose stages of my weaning. Am now -- and have been for about a monhth -- on 1/4 of a 50 mg tablet & am taking an herbal sleep tincture along w/ many other healthy sleeping habits & am feeling SO toxic on this amount (terrible anxiety, despair & rage "side" effects!) .... yet, am not sleeping consistently enough (which is SO taxing!!!) , that I feel wary of completely going off (even though i desperately want this poison out of me.

[WinningThrough]

Hi Wolfhound. Thank you for your lovely message. I hadn't noticed the French apostrophe and it doesn't bother me in the slightest! You have no need to apologise! I am so very sorry for the torture you are enduring. I was so moved by your story. I am really glad you are getting windows of relief. That's brilliant! It gives me hope too. Keep going! You will get there.

 

Awake, you are having a very rough time and my thoughts are with you. I too wish there was something in place to help us all. Maybe one day there will be.

 

Let's all keep believing and imagining a future free of symptoms and drugs.

[Rhiannon]

A couple of things.

 

First: I can certainly understand why you're terrified to consider reinstating. If the withdrawal you're experiencing now were the only concern, I would certainly not even consider advising it.

 

The reason we're all talking about it is that usually the worst of withdrawal from ADs is NOT what you get immediately after, but the delayed effects which come later (usually around three to six months out, after the person thinks they're out of the woods because the acute symptoms have settled down) and which tend to be more of the emotional ones (anxiety, suicidality, depression, desperation) and can be very agonizing. 

 

I'm just thinking maybe you can forestall the worst of that with a very small reinstatement now.

 

The bad effects of the drugs (particularly the stimulating ones) seem to be proportionally much less at very small doses, yet those small doses can make a big difference in taking the edge off the worst of withdrawal and forestalling the "fall off the cliff" experiences.

 

And these little reinstatements are more likely to be successful when done early.

 

However, I can certainly understand your reluctance, and the choice is absolutely yours and we all respect that. I just want to make sure you have full information on which to make that decision, since you aren't going to get it from doctors or pharmaceutical companie$.

 

Another thing to keep in mind is that you can try taking just 1 mg or 2 mg and if you get a bad reaction you can quit right away. If you find that the 2 mg or so gives some improvement of your acute withdrawal and you don't get the bad reactions you've had to the high doses, then that's a good sign that it will help smooth the rest of the process.

 

I think the only way to know is to try it, though, and I totally get why you don't want to. I do appreciate and respect your concern; I agree, you're someone who should never take an AD again, and probably no other psych meds either.

 

 

The second thing I wanted to address was your question regarding the benzos. Valium in particular has such a long half-life and then such long-half-life metabolites that taking 4 mg twice a week could cause some dependence/adaptation to develop even in someone who wasn't going through any other neurochemical changes.

 

Since the benzos were mixed in with a lot of other neurochemical chaos that was happening at the time, it's hard to say exactly how your brain adapted to their contribution to the mix, but I suspect that every med you've taken has contributed its own special flavor to the lovely banquet of fun you're enjoying now. With the kind of usage you describe, though, I don't think there's anything to be done about the benzo part--no need for reinstatement, for example--other than continuing to be careful to use them, if at all, only sparingly. It sounds like you have a handle on that.

 

So, those are my thoughts. 

[Rhiannon]

Oh, and every time I see your thread's title I want to say: Yes, it does get better! Eventually. Sometimes there are some "worse" times first. But so far I've never met anyone for whom it did not, eventually, get better, although in rare cases the time frame can be pretty long.

[WinningThrough]

Thank you Rhi. I daren't go to my doctor about this. I don't want to do anything to risk getting sectioned (they said it was a risk if I got worse after stopping my anti depressants) and I just can't see my doctor prescribing me a low dose. Because i attempted suicide last year, i feel the doctors have a very watchful eye on me and i can't risk being hospitalised again or forced on more meds. I have a pill cutter and could try chopping up a pill. Out of interest..when people crash, have they found that the antidepressants worked for them when they were on them? Do people who have terrible reactions to the meds before withdrawal get these crashes too?

 

Thank you again. I haven't read your story yet but I will.

 

Take care.

[Rhiannon]

Oh yes, I understand about how they are after a suicide attempt! Been there. Their concern would be nice if not for the fact that their "solutions" are what caused the suicidality in the first place, if not for the fact the very people being so solicitous and controlling are the very ignoramuses who caused you to get that sick in the first place! I can definitely relate to wanting to stay away from doctors. They can be dangerous. I'm very cautious around them.

 

Is there any chance you could just ask to "go back on" your AD, just to get your prescription extended? Is there a context in which you could make that sound persuasive? Some context that validates and works with their beliefs and the paradigm they're operating in. Like, the AD's are good things and you have realized the error of your ways and you need to take sertraline again. Or something.

 

Once you have a supply of meds, you can control the dosage yourself, even if you don't have a cooperative doctor.

 

I make my own liquid suspensions of my meds. It's not that hard to do. There's discussion of it in the Tapering section. I don't know if it can be done with sertraline, but that information should be in the tapering Zoloft thread. 

 

If you can't dissolve your tablet, you might be able to work with it "dry" using a milligram scale. There's discussion of that in the Tapering section as well.

 

It's best to measure it carefully one way or the other (with liquid or with a scale) rather than try to just "eyeball" the amount. You get too much variation in dose that way, and especially for you, you need to be able to control your dose closely.

[Rhiannon]

I don't have a large enough body of data to reliably answer your questions about the relationship between having bad reactions to a med and having bad withdrawal, overall, in any kind of statistical way.  

 

But I can say that I have worked with people who have had bad reactions to meds who then struggle with bad reactions to the withdrawal as well.  To some extent almost everyone has to balance the bad effects of the meds versus the bad effects of withdrawal, but in cases like yours it's even more challenging and particularly tragic. Although, as I say, the side effects of the meds, particularly the stimulating ones, do seem to be proportionally less of a problem at very small doses.

 

I guess if what you're asking is, do people who have bad reactions to ADs and should never have taken them to begin with have some kind of immunity to withdrawal, I would have to say that I have not seen evidence of that personally. However, people who aren't having withdrawal problems don't usually show up here on this forum, so they may be out there and I just never meet them.  I pretty much only meet the ones who are struggling.

[WinningThrough]

Thanks Rhi. You've been brilliant. I need to get reading the tapering section. I have 3 50 mg tablets left which could make a lot of 2mg doses!

[WinningThrough]

By the way, Rhi, if the 2mg helps, how long should I take it for?

[Wolfhound]

WT, I think you can always try this small dose. I could not and maybe I wouldn´t have had the courage considering the akathisia.

I think Rhi understands withdrawal very well. I am maybe someone whose body works the opposite, I have had the worst emotional symptoms immediately after the C/T, the more I am into the withdrawal the more I get the physical ones. I wish the emotional symptoms faded away with it.

Thinking of you. I read your wonderful post on my thread but haven´t had the strength to answer yet. Thank you. W.

[Altostrata]

The brain zaps etc. are typical of antidepressant withdrawal syndrome. It's best not to prolong those symptoms. What you might do -- and I know you don't want to -- is go back on a very, very small amount of Zoloft, such as 2mg, which might stop them. If this works, you would stay on that tiny dosage for at least a month and then carefully taper by tiny amounts off that.

 

Zoloft comes in a liquid for titration. Other tips on titrating Zoloft: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1441-tips-for-tapering-off-zoloft-sertraline/

[WinningThrough]

Hi all. Hope you're all coping ok.

 

I'm having a go at tapering..don't know if I'm doing it right! I've only just got around to doing it because I was trying to decide what to do for the best and it's taken me this long to have the wherewithal to do it. I'm now almost 4 weeks off the sertraline.

 

I crushed up 24mg of sertraline. I measured 24ml of water and mixed everything together. Then I used my syringe to draw 2ml of the solution. Does that sound right? Does that equal 2mg?

 

It tasted absolutely disgusting! And they say 2mg is a minute dose. Hmmm ....

 

I will try this dose for a few days and see what happens. It's hard to imagine being any worse than I am!

[Altostrata]

Yes, that would be 2mg. You might want to keep a shot of fruit juice handy as a chaser.

[WinningThrough]

Just wanted to say thank you, altostrata, and everyone else here. I've taken 2mg of sertraline for a couple of days so we'll see. Sending thoughts to everyone.

[WinningThrough]

Oh dear. After reinstating at 2mg, I'm running into problems. I'm feeling a little less tired and I haven't had as many brain zaps today, but I can feel the adrenaline starting to rush around my legs and those hideous, indescribable feelings within that are part of akathisia are intensifying. The akathisia has always been by far the worst thing and the reinstatement seems to be aggravating it. Plus I'm starting to get chest tightness which I got when I went I went on both ssris. That had gone away. I can't win!! I have a feeling that my recovery is not going to be straightforward! Well, at least I tried. I will have to stop.

 

SSRIs and me are a match made in hell!

 

Propranolol is the next thing for me to try. That and huge dollops of patience and strength!!

[Altostrata]

Very sorry, yes, you and SSRIs don't get along.

 

Don't push it, this is not a good result.

[Rhiannon]

Oh, I'm so sorry. Well, you tried it, so now you know.

 

We'll be here to hold your hand--there's lots of support for you here. Keep us posted as you go.

[WinningThrough]

Thank you both :-) Still a little undecided as I got out of bed this morning without my head zapping all over the place and my eye feels a bit better. Legs a bit calmer this morning and chest ok so far. Maybe I will take one more 2mg dose and see how I go. It seems to be a case of deciding which set of symptoms I'd rather put up with! I've read that propronalol can be great for benzo withdrawal so maybe it can help ssri withdrawal too.

 

Just taken a lorazepam..first in two weeks. Seeing a friend today who I haven't seen for ages and I want to have a good day. I flipping deserve one!!

 

Hoping you're ok. I intend to read your stories. Great knowing that you're here. I am so determined to beat this

[Rhiannon]

Hope you had a good day.

 

I suppose you could try 1 mg...? No reason why not. Just pay close attention to your reactions.

[WinningThrough]

Thanks Rhi. I took 2mg again yesterday. My brain zaps are vastly improved. I'm amazed at how much difference that small amount has made. Also I'm less tired and my eye is quite a bit better, so far. The clicking and popping in my eye and head are better too. I could try 1mg and see if that works as the less ssri I take, the better!

 

The black feelings in my head continue to this day. Had those since first going on ssris and they've never gone. I live for the day when I feel happy again as I was before ssris. Everything I do still feels like climbing Everest.

 

I took a lorazepam yesterday, first time in 2 weeks. Although it helped a bit, it wasn't nearly as effective as it's been in the past.

[Rhiannon]

The lorazepam being less effective is probably because you've developed tolerance to it--your brain has adapted itself to it, so it doesn't disrupt your GABA functioning as much as it did when you first took it. (The disruption in GABA functioning is what produces the calming effect.) That goes hand in hand with developing dependence/addiction. So it's possible that benzo dependence is contributing to your withdrawal now.

 

I would be very, very cautious with benzo use now, because if you're developing dependence, then when you don't take the benzos you're going to have some withdrawal, which will be hard to sort out since it will just feel mixed in with your other withdrawal.

 

It's just tricky with those danged benzos. They're tricky enough when people have never taken any other psych meds before and aren't already in the neurochemical chaos of withdrawal from other drugs. I can't tell you what's causing what, because it's impossible to sort out for certain, but in my own experience tapering multiple drugs at the same time, the effect of benzo withdrawal definitely compounds the other withdrawal, for me anyway

 

I'd try to just stay away from the danged things, or if you do have to take them, then taper them down after.

[WinningThrough]

Thanks Rhi! You've been brilliant. I've made the decision today not to take any more lorazepam because that's just compounding my problems in the long run. I had a really bad day today and I'm not surprised considering I took 1.5mg of lorazepam yesterday. Cried for about 4 hours and the crippling exhaustion is back.

 

I'm so glad the brain zaps have gone. I mean..gone!! That has to be down to reinstating at 2mg on the sertraline. So far my eye is still improved..if it gets worse I think I will be blaming the lorazepam! I'm going to look at a taper plan for the sertraline. It's so good not to be constantly zapped on top of everything else!!

 

Take care bad thank you x

[WinningThrough]

I mean 'and' not 'bad'. My iPad has a mind of its own!!