WinningThrough: Does it get better?

[WinningThrough]

WT, I guess I was "lucky". The main thing I had was hot flashes, which were of course worse in the summers. Spent a couple of REALLY miserable summers, but never really found anything that helped. (Never really tried too hard!) I never skipped periods like a lot of (most) people. Mainly just a few years of hot flashes and then my periods just stopped. Hope you're able to find something that helps!

Thanks luv. I'm glad your menopause wasn't as awful as it could have been although it sounds like you have a rough go with the hot flashes. The weird thing with mine is my periods stopped two years ago, having been all over the place for a few years before that, and the hot flushes and menopause symptoms are just getting worse, not better. I thought post menopause things would start to get better but they are not. The hot flashes started maybe just over a year before my last period and I had periods of having them from morning to night, every half hour. The interstitial cystitis started about the same time. Before that I'd probably been in peri menopause about 11-12 years. I often had full on night sweats that woke me several times a night, migraine, severe fatigue and shed loads of other stuff. Thing is, I wasn't depressed. I still loved life. All the drug induced mental rubbish and akathisia added to the menopause is making this a big bag of fun. I think I am someone who needs hormones in menopause as it looks like mine aren't going to settle any time soon. Joy!

[luv2knit]

Yes, I'm sure withdrawal is greatly complicating things for you. My periods stopped 14 years ago at age 46. (Family history of early menopause.) It's been so long--and with my current brain fog, I really don't remember... I think by the time my periods stopped, other symptoms did too. (Now that you mention night sweats, I remember I did have those too.)

[chicken]

Winning,

Check out my thread on balancing PH levels.

It may help you with menopausal issues.

It has really helped me a lot.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9242-changing-my-ph-level-this-has-worked-wonders-for-me/

[WinningThrough]

Winning,

Check out my thread on balancing PH levels.

It may help you with menopausal issues.

It has really helped me a lot.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9242-changing-my-ph-level-this-has-worked-wonders-for-me/

Ah, thanks chicken. I'm really glad to hear this is helping you. I read the article and it talks about pineapple juice and lemon juice. Unfortunately pineapple is one of the foods I can't tolerate. When I eat it I get a migraine with visual disturbances. I lose parts of my vision. I can have lemons though so I can maybe just try with the lemons. Thanks again.

[chicken]

 

Winning,

Check out my thread on balancing PH levels.

It may help you with menopausal issues.

It has really helped me a lot.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9242-changing-my-ph-level-this-has-worked-wonders-for-me/

Ah, thanks chicken. I'm really glad to hear this is helping you. I read the article and it talks about pineapple juice and lemon juice. Unfortunately pineapple is one of the foods I can't tolerate. When I eat it I get a migraine with visual disturbances. I lose parts of my vision. I can have lemons though so I can maybe just try with the lemons. Thanks again.

 

Winning,

Check out the food chart here.

http://healthwyze.org/index.php/component/content/article/191-ph-food-chart.html

 

If you cannot tolerate the pineapple and lemon perhaps another food or juice listed may help.

 

For me, I switched from the pineapple/lemon to raw unpasteurized apple cidar vineagar with the mother in it and blackstrap molasses.

I could not find blackstrap molasses in any of my local grocery stores. I had to order it online. This combo worked far better than the pineapple and lemon.

[LoveandLight]

How are you? I think your pm box is full xx

[WinningThrough]

Hi L&L. Thank you for asking after me. Sorry for my silence. I'm taking a break from all the boards. I'm currently doing a neuroplasticity program which requires me not to talk about symptoms or illness but to focus on health and healing instead. It's all about directing the brain to rewire itself. (It's not at all easy to not talk about symptoms and I got very pulled off course by some stress I had to deal with recently and some more stress the last couple of days which pulled me off course again.)

 

It's the hardest thing in the world but I'm learning that I have to out my own oxygen mask on first in order to heal. It's a massive life lesson for me.

 

The more I focus on positive things and the less I focus on negative things, the better things are.

 

I'm in a wave but had a bit of an improvement last weekend.

 

I'm taking magnesium twice a day. It helps a bit with sleep and physical pain. It's got rid of my dermatitis and ringworm. My hot flashes are calmer on it. Those are all minor things compared with the rest but it does help.

 

I'm not doing anything about my hormones at the moment.

 

I'm now 13 months off all drugs.

 

Chicken, thanks for the link on the ph levels.

 

Thinking of you all on here. Keep the faith and keep healing. X

[Pugknows]

Hang on, WT. You are doing great. You are approaching the end of WD. Pretty soon you will be seeing the symptoms drop off, one at a time.

 

Love you, Pug

[WinningThrough]

Thanks Pug, that's a beautiful message and I will take your words and believe them. Take care. I hope you're healing well x

[Wildflower0214]

WT, happy to hear about your improvement. And, taking a break from here for a while can really help. It has helped me in the past.

 

Just curious, what neuroplasticity program are you doing? If you don't mind me asking...

[WinningThrough]

Thanks wildflower. I hope you're coping ok.

 

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to give the name of the program I'm doing on here or not but it's called the DNR system. I'm doing the home based version. X

[Wildflower0214]

Well, I hope it continues to help you!!! Thanks for the info.

 

[LoveandLight]

Well done WT..your an inspiration x

[Wildflower0214]

I just looked it up! So funny, I almost bought that system a few months back.

 

Let us know how it goes.

 

I wish you the very best.

[WinningThrough]

Thanks L&L. I hope you're ok.

 

Interesting that you thought of doing the program wildflower! It's good.

 

I'll update if I get any improvements..especially if the akathisia goes! Still waiting for that to stop and I still have all the dp and the other fun sack of symptoms! One day, one day.

[Pugknows]

Hi Winning,

 

How is the DNR System working? Are you seeing improvement?

 

Wishing you love and healing,

 

Pug

[WinningThrough]

Hi pug. It's early days. The system requires daily practice for at least 6 months. I'm keeping it up.

 

Hope you're coping.

 

This Saturday coming, it will be exactly 2 years since I took the antibiotics that started this nightmare. Wow!

[Pugknows]

Isn't this tragic? We are suffering so needlessly because of doctors and the stupid drugs they know nothing about.

 

Bittersweet anniversary, I know Winning. But we will beat this. We have to.

 

You will heal soon. How many months off are you now? I'm starting month 10.

 

Love you, Pug

[WinningThrough]

We will definitely beat this. Absolutely we will.

 

I'm just over 13 months off everything now.

 

Love you too pug. Keep going. You will get there soon. X

[WinningThrough]

Greetings, SA survivors.

 

I'm doing a program that requires me not to talk about symptoms/change the way I talk about them but every now and then I like to come here and do an update. And I do need to talk about it all sometimes. I hope you're all coping as best you can and surviving the waves.

 

This will probably be pretty long. My updates do tend to be essays!

 

It's just over 2 years now since I took Augmentin, the antibiotics that altered my life as I knew it. 15 August 2013, to be precise. I remember only too well pacing the floors of A&E non stop, not caring who saw me, feeling like I couldn't take another minute of the suffering and retching constantly into a sick bowl. Sorry if that's too graphic! I'd been like that about 18 hours by that stage. Little did I know that things were about to get much worse as psych meds entered the arena.

 

So, onto now. I've just come back from a trip. My boyfriend took me to a seaside town in the UK for a week's break. I had no idea how I was going to do it but we took a trip to Scotland in March and I managed that so I figured I'd do the same thing again. I've learnt two things from this experience:

 

1. I feel better when I'm away from home.

2. When I keep pushing myself repeatedly, it helps and things improve.

 

At the moment, some things are improved, other things are worse.

 

One thing that is an issue at the moment is the all over body pain. It's really pretty bad and quite limiting. Before we went away I was having on and off problems with it. My Achilles on both feet had been very painful when I walked and I had a lot of arm, wrist, neck and shoulder pain. I had also done something to my back and was starting to feel it when I moved. Anyway, our holiday apartment was on a hill overlooking the sea which was a great thing for healing. It helped to be able to look at that view everyday. The downside was that there were 125 steps to get down to the seafront and shops. This of course meant that once you got down, you had to go back up again. There were other longer ways round but all were pretty arduous. My boyfriend is very tall and has very long legs and I have to do two steps to every one of his to keep up which means walking much faster than normal and constantly reminding him that I can't walk as fast as him and need to slow down. So I'm either rushing to try to keep up, he is slowing down constantly or he is charging on ahead and later realising that I am miles behind him. My boyfriend isn't one for sitting in and is highly active. So holidays for him mean being out all day every day and night. Either I go out with him or I stay in and he goes out.

 

I pushed myself to the max. I fought like crazy. I made myself go out every single day, except one, where I stayed in on my own. That one day was harder than all the others. So every single day, we would go down to the seafront and go back up again. The first few days I used the 125 steps and panted, puffed and moaned my way back up. As the week went on, I used the other routes which were still uphill. I also did the trying to keep up with my boyfriend's pace thing. This, unsurprisingly, had a massive impact on my muscles. I am now in massive all over pain. It feels like it's in my bones as well as my muscles. I'm hobbling around and walking like something out of Monsters Inc.

 

I have severe pain in my left flank/hip/back area. Some of it feels like bone pain and some muscle. I'm having a lot of problems turning in bed or getting up from sitting. My legs are stiff and rigid when I walk and my Achilles are very painful. I'm walking very very slowly and in a ridiculous amount of pain. Sometimes if I keep walking, it can ease a bit but sometimes it can get worse. I feel the pain when I sit, too. So, I have massive pain in my neck, shoulders, arms, wrists, hands, back, hip, flank, Achilles, knees and legs. Lying in bed at night is very very painful. I can't get a good position. Sitting is the same. Walking means massive pain, stiffness and hobbling about.

 

My boyfriend thinks it's due to overworking muscles that I hadn't been using from having been housebound for so long. This is partly true but I've never suffered THIS much before from over activity. It's very frustrating because right now, getting out of the house and going to nice places is helping me but it's very hard to do that if I can hardly move! And if every step I take furthers jars my muscles and bones. I don't know whether to keep up some gentle exercise or rest and hope that this will all calm down. When my boyfriend is back at work tomorrow, I will probably not go out anyway.

 

Ok, so that's the body pain bit done. I still have non stop akathisia. That will go one day. It will. Before we went away, a symptom came back that had been gone for a while. It was the sort of akathisia like feeling in my eye and nose and feeling of something being in there all the time. I used to hate it and was very hacked off that it came back. Luckily, though, it was a wave and seems to be gone again. The brain zaps are ever present. 17 months now although they are not anywhere near as bad as they used to be.

 

I had some improvements last week. It reminded me at times of how I was in Scotland back in March. This makes me think that my 'window' then was brought about by what I was doing that week. I was helping my brain chemistry. When we first got away last week, the first day was awful. We were on the seafront and my legs were shaking like crazy. The dp/dr were awful. I couldn't see, I was dizzy, I wanted to run and scream, and all the other usual rubbish. At that stage I could have decided to just stay in the apartment the whole week and rest rather than go out and suffer. I did the opposite. I kept pushing myself out every day and it helped. I've done the same thing with baths. There was a time when it took a week to build up the courage to have a bath and it was absolute torture. Now, after daily training, I have a bath every day. It's not enjoyable but it's not as bad as it was back then. I've also been training myself to watch some films and tv. For a long time, I had to have Friends on in the background non stop. I could never really watch it but I needed it on to cover the silence and for the familiarity and safety of it. I can now semi follow films/tv and get something out of it. It's not like it used to be. I cant enjoy it properly or distract while I do it but it helps a bit and I'm following plot lines and story lines.

 

So last week, we did loads. Went to lots of places. The improvements I had..better vision. My distorted vision is quite a bit better just now. My head has been feeling clearer. The dp has been lower. I've had less terror. Last week, it was easier to get up (well, not in a physical sense because I was in physical agony and locking out all over the place!) and do stuff round the apartment like make tea or do bits of tidying. The depression went down and my mood felt lighter. I could look at nice things with appreciation rather than blood curdling terror. I also felt slightly connected at times. There were definitely times when I enjoyed things a bit. The Saturday just gone, I really felt quite a bit of the old me around and it was great to have her visit. I could actually start dreaming again and started to imagine where I would like to live and the job I'd like to do when recovered.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm still very very far from ok and I wouldn't be able to live my life like that, but if I felt like that continually, this whole thing would be a bit more doable. I also noticed a slight lessening of the akathisia. It was a bit like Scotland where I felt like I could slightly control the intensity of my mind. It's constant work, of course. Unfortunately, when the hot flashes strike, and I'm still getting slammed with them, the akathisia goes through the roof and each flush lasts 5 minutes.

 

Night times are the hardest because my sleep is so disturbed these days. I have multiple wakings. Sometimes I can get a bit more sleep, other times I'm awake for hours. I usually have the 3.30/4 thing and that's when I tend to stay away. If I can sleep for 4 hours without waking up, it's a miracle. I usually wake after an hour or two of sleep. During the day, it's easier to keep occupied but during the night when you're lying awake and wanting to be asleep, it's harder. The constant nighttime hot flashes don't help with that.

 

I'm still pushing on with my program and doing my practice every day. I guess I've been doing it just over 2 months. They say do at least 6 months of daily practice, without fail. Some people take longer than that but people who've done the program have had some great results. I've also read an amazing book called You are the Placebo. It gives me so much hope. I want to start doing the meditation suggested in that book regularly.

 

The biggy is how I will cope and fare now we are back from holiday. My boyfriend returns to work tomorrow and that will be hard. I could really feel a wave coming on last night and I was fighting it with every fibre of my being. I want so hard to be able to stay a little improved. If the body pain would go, at least I could be more active and push myself out of the house more. It will be challenging if the pain prevents me from doing that.

 

I guess I just have to take each day as it comes and keep doing the best I can. Continue to do my program and try to find things that will help my brain to heal.

 

Thinking of everyone on here. I hope the sun will start to shine for you.

[bubble]

Hello Winning!

 

It was very nice to read your update. I would agree with your boyfriend's explanation of your aches. The fact that you never experienced them on the same scale before means that you have never been so inactive for so long.

 

The lessons learnt are very, very interesting. I've also had this experience that pushing myself (gently) makes me feel better. I remember once advising you that. But it seems that when one is in a really bad state and in acute WD that doesn't work.

 

I also came from one week of active holidays but we alternated active with less active days. That's very important for me.

 

I would just rest now and do gentle stretching. I believe this pain will go away over the next few days. This is how joints hurt after they have been inactive...

 

Bubble

[WinningThrough]

Hello Winning!

It was very nice to read your update. I would agree with your boyfriend's explanation of your aches. The fact that you never experienced them on the same scale before means that you have never been so inactive for so long.

The lessons learnt are very, very interesting. I've also had this experience that pushing myself (gently) makes me feel better. I remember once advising you that. But it seems that when one is in a really bad state and in acute WD that doesn't work.

I also came from one week of active holidays but we alternated active with less active days. That's very important for me.

I would just rest now and do gentle stretching. I believe this pain will go away over the next few days. This is how joints hurt after they have been inactive...

Bubble

Hi bubble! Lovely to hear from you. Yes, I think the aches are over exertion.

 

I do remember you advising me. It was good advice.

 

I hope you're doing well :-)

[SelmaLady]

Winning,   thank you so much for posting on my thread---so kind of you and especially with all that you are going thru right now.   But I was so glad to read that at least some of the "disarray" is beginning to get better.  I'm so sorry about the pain you're experiencing and am hoping that this goes away soon for you.

 

As always, I am so amazed at your courage and determination to get thru this time of recovery.  You seem to be getting a good understanding of what helps you to feel better.  I think too that if you are able, to lead as normal a life as possible.  Of course, pushing one's self beyond measure can cause the opposite effect but finding the place where activities "encourage" the brain to function in a more normal way seems to me to be a way of helping the recovery along. 

 

I've just recently been able to watch more tv too, movies, etc.  Previously, I could only have silly game shows on just as a sort of "connection" to reality and a way of causing my racing mind to focus on something rather that catastrophic scenarios. 

 

I still can have akathisia when I am in a particularly bad place and I know how much effort it takes to get through the day.   I know how good it will be when this lifts for you too.  So hoping that will be soon.

 

Thank you for keeping us posted on how you are doing.  I think of you so much and am so glad to see a post from you.   I am so looking forward to following your recovery.

 

xoxoxo

[WinningThrough]

Winning,   thank you so much for posting on my thread---so kind of you and especially with all that you are going thru right now.   But I was so glad to read that at least some of the "disarray" is beginning to get better.  I'm so sorry about the pain you're experiencing and am hoping that this goes away soon for you.

 

As always, I am so amazed at your courage and determination to get thru this time of recovery.  You seem to be getting a good understanding of what helps you to feel better.  I think too that if you are able, to lead as normal a life as possible.  Of course, pushing one's self beyond measure can cause the opposite effect but finding the place where activities "encourage" the brain to function in a more normal way seems to me to be a way of helping the recovery along. 

 

I've just recently been able to watch more tv too, movies, etc.  Previously, I could only have silly game shows on just as a sort of "connection" to reality and a way of causing my racing mind to focus on something rather that catastrophic scenarios. 

 

I still can have akathisia when I am in a particularly bad place and I know how much effort it takes to get through the day.   I know how good it will be when this lifts for you too.  So hoping that will be soon.

 

Thank you for keeping us posted on how you are doing.  I think of you so much and am so glad to see a post from you.   I am so looking forward to following your recovery.

 

xoxoxo

Ah, thanks Selma lady. What a beautiful reply!

 

I'm so glad to hear that you've been able to watch more tv and movies! That's a good step forward.

 

I'm very sorry that you still get bouts of akathisia but it's wonderful that it's mostly gone for you.

 

Thanks again for your lovely message x

[LoveandLight]

Just doing amazing, winning through. You are really brave and courageous xx

[WinningThrough]

Thanks L&L. :-) hope you're coping ok x

[Muddles]

The bravest women I have ever met.

 

I really hope you realise just how strong and amazing you really are. ????

[WinningThrough]

Ah thank you so much muddles. That means so much to me. I think you're strong and amazing too x

[AliG]

 Hi WinningThrough, I so admire your "dogged determination" to push through , no matter what.  I agree with L&L and Muddles, that you seem strong & courageous.   I hope I can bring the same "grace" to this , as you do.  Your description of your boyfriend with his "long legs", and you struggling to keep up made me laugh.   I know what you mean though, as it reminded me of my husband.  He never sits still, and "holidays" are always active. No "lounging around". You have to keep up !!

 

This is why I don't want to travel , at the moment.  I don't feel "up to it", but after reading your story, I wonder if I should just "dive" in , and see how I go .

Anyway, you're inspiring, and I hope  for your continued recovery.   Love & hugs,  Ali.

[WinningThrough]

Ali, thank you for your lovely message. The support from all of you really helps me.

 

I'm not sure what to advise about the holiday, I guess whatever feels right. Sometimes pushing through is too stressful, other times it can help.

 

I hope you're coping ok x

[AliG]

 W. T .   I know what you mean . 

We were thinking of going to "Thailand", but then last night , a "bomb", went off.   I never used to care, because I "wanted to die", but now some "survival instinct", has set in, and I don't know what to make of it !!  

 

 Anyway, take care of yourself,  Love ,  Ali .

[WinningThrough]

W. T .   I know what you mean . 

We were thinking of going to "Thailand", but then last night , a "bomb", went off.   I never used to care, because I "wanted to die", but now some "survival instinct", has set in, and I don't know what to make of it !!  

 

 Anyway, take care of yourself,  Love ,  Ali .

Hi Ali

 

I understand your fear. It's a good sign that the survival instinct has set in. I hope you're doing ok.

[WinningThrough]

Horrific horrific wave. I try soooooooo hard and throw everything I can at my recovery. Last night the agitation was at an all time high and today it's the same. I wish it would do one.

 

I can't help but moan today.

 

Yesterday I made myself go out. It was a super super hot day and I'm very heat intolerant. I had a horrible fainting episode. It lasted quite a long time and I thought I was going to have a stroke or something. I had to lie down in the end and it got better. I was so worried I'd have to go to hospital and get put on drugs but thankfully it didn't come to that.

 

Getting more than a little hacked off with it all now.

[LoveandLight]

((Winning)) this is ludicrous..and this is health care..

 

Your doing amazing xx

[WinningThrough]

Thanks L and L. I really really appreciate your kind messages and support. Thinking of you xx

[ang]

Med free 2014, wow, well done~!   will be a year or so for me.              Damn I didnt know it, but I couldnt sleep, menopause, or pre menopause..why didnt the doctor test my hormone levels?  why didnt he tell me?   Easier to prescribe the wonder pills, that make cure everything!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well according to Merck............ trouble is the side effects are unemployability, marriage breakups, liver and kidney failure, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sudden obesity, inability to exercise, inability to sleep?  wonderful drugs Merck............... best of all is this quote I love from a Merck rep  "get a kid on medication, you got a customer for life"....... and next the drug reps were told, yes, and it is true,   the biggest thing stopping the sale of ADHD drugs, is grandmas,,,,,,,,,, yes, why?  cause son goes to his mother, and says, oh my little johnny has adhd, and the doctor says I need to give him drugs, and the grannie replies...hahah, gosh your were just the same son, and LOOK HOW WONDERFUL YOU TURNED OUT.