LexAnger: tapering or no tapering, generic vs. name brand lexapro

[manymoretodays]

I think it's probably W/D........your symptoms........ 

 

I'm wondering what the more experienced here think.  It's just that at one point in my W/D journey someone pointed out to me that drug reactions(and I presume you are talking about side effects of the Lex........in my case it was in reference to my Trileptal)..........were not to be considered anymore.  And somehow........after a time that helped........for me.......to look at most all of my symptoms as W/D related. 

 

........and Wow.........I am now just past 2 years out from coming off Lexapro!!!!!!  Wahoo! 

 

Do you see a general practitioner at all?  One thought that comes to mind is to perhaps get your renal function checked........blood tests is usually the first thing.........the swollen eyelids..........hmmm, don't really know.........  You have come a long way though LexAnger.

 

best,

 

mmt

[grandmaD]

Hi LA, just thought I'd drop in, say hi and give you a hug!  I appreciate you have been there for me encouraging me along all the time, and want to cheer you on also!  You are a great support to myself and others and deserve a good break!  Did your itchies go away or improve?  I find they come and go but over time have got less and less and the prickles!  Remember when I had them so bad for weeks!!  Not had them for months.  Sorry about the other issues, swollen eyelids, but cannot say I have experienced that one.  It is always good to make sure it isn't something else - like conjuctiveitis, etc.  Also the dry mouth and lips - well I have experienced that all along, worse at night in bed, so I sip on water throughout the night.  Keep on turtling on girl!

[AmyK]

Lex, I had a swollen eye lid when I started the drug. It was a side effect for me.

Wd in more of control sounds good. I am sorry this is so hard for you. I wish you could feel some relief by holding your dose for maybe two weeks, but you know your body best and how it reacts. Take care, my friend.

[LexAnger]

My dear SA friends, thanks you all so very much holding me up when I'm down every while in this long journey! I appreciate the opportunity knowing so many strong souls and making precious friendship during this unique experience!

 

Manymoretodays, thank you for sharing your thoughts about checking out kidney. I gave it a serious thought after seeing your post almost made a quick appointment, soon after the swollen got lots less so I'm holding for the test. The symptom comes and goes in days and hours, then can disappear completely so I am guessing it's just another side effect from either WD or reaction, surely caused by the drug not my kidney. I hope you are recoevered as much as possible being 2 years off leaxopro!

 

GrandMaD, you always makes me feel being cared with warmth and comfort! My itchiness was short lived, probably only showed for two days. I seems whenever I got a new symptoms I would feel a bit carried over. It was very annoying although not as torturous as the pain. I'm glad you haven't had it for months! The dry mouth is really on lips, I don't feel thirsty, and drinking to pans of eater doesn't help at all. Weird symptoms these drugs can cause! Majority of my symptoms are always more in day time especially morning.

 

Hey, Amy, you are so right, I feel much better overall when Reaction is less apeven WD is in control. I'm doing 1% cut every 3 days the past few days has been fairly good, or WDnormal.

 

FSL, I'm so sorry you were hit by insomnia at 2+mg. I have been sleeping too much these years and haven't seen one morning for a long time (the only and only good effect of Lexapro for me) The insomnia just showed up lately since 1.4 mg, usually just 1-2 hours woke up middle of the night, then I can go back to sleep to make a total of 7+ hours, and this happened only on the day after each cut ( 1% holding 3 days). It's a tough one by itself as it can impact everything else. I had insomnia before MEDs for many years or most of my adult life, so I'm kind of anticipating this coming back once I'm at lower doses and after getting off. Do you want to try a smaller but more frequent cut to see if it helps? I'm glad those didn't last long for you. These drugs changed our normal function in almost every part and every way, now it's leaving, the original function has to be reactivated before we feel normal.

 

You are so right, we all will make it to the out, and get ourselves back.

 

Hugs to all!

Love

[LexAnger]

Also a quick clarification about my last update,

 

If I was in an ocean thrown by waves up and down without anything to hold on, I feel I'm now standing on the ground near the beach with little waves rushing above my feet or legs, but I'm still standing.

 

With my brain back to work, and much lessened DR, I gained lot confidence back and am feeling surviving.

[AmyK]

Soon you will lie and just relax on that beach, enjoying the sun and the smooth breeze from the sea. Hugs!

[grandmaD]

What a beautiful picture AmyK!  We can all look forward to doing this hopefully someday!

 

LA I love your analogy, as it so difficult to describe how we are at times, not to mention it is different day to day and even hour to hour!  It is one thing to be swamped trying to keep your head above water but those times help us appreciate the times we are standing with the water washing around our feet, as you say!

 

Yes, it is crazy, so many weird symptoms come and go.  I have the itchies back today around my ribcage.  I don't normally get them there, so it is unusual, but it has to be part of w/d.  My hips ache painfully one day and okay the next, so I've got used to that now - mostly!  Last week it last days and days so I began to worry!  I sure don't understand how it can make your bones ache or make your skin itch!

[LexAnger]

I borrowed the analogy from Scottly. I am copying the whole thing from his thread below:

 

============================================

I wanted to say on my comment on the analogy of the waves with withdrawal..

it feels like the waves are getting lower and lower - a LOT like the beach... at first you're adrift in open water - no land, no ocean floor to see, rudderless... directionless.

as the withdrawal takes place, you get DRAGGED towards the shoreline, - slowly - so slow it looks worse... the waters churn, you go under a few times...

and sometimes you get dragged over sharp coral beneath the water...

You look and "is that land I can see???? or a mirage?"

 

I've been back and forth with the waves and even TIDE so much...

and the last few weeks, it feels as if my feet have finally found the sand underneath and I'm starting to stand up and get closer and closer to the beach...

And SAME as the beach - the waves turn into BREAKERS closer to the shore - this represents the 2-5mg dosage of Lexapro to me.

 

The waves are still lapping at my feet and legs, but I can see the end goal.

I feel like I'll recover fully from this.

===================================

[LexAnger]

Need another update as the chapter changed again

 

So I'm back to surviving mode again around the time I reached 1.2mg. Lots severe symptoms changing day to day and hour to hour, swollen head, needling pain, left head/body numb and paralyzed feeling, brain non functional, confusion, fatigue, short breathless, inner restless or feeling like bursting out, and others. Seems mainly from WD. But still had to cut every couple days otherwise the severe hangover/come like feeling makes it impossible to do any work.

 

This thing manipulates your thinking ridiculously, as I was sincerely thinking I was surviving the whole ordeal just one week ago, now also sincerely feeling it will never end and hopeless.

 

So exhausted to even try to think of what is what, after years up and down thousand times.

 

Today's mood: keep going while going through a hell-- something I read from someone's signature in the forum.

 

Hope the next update is a different ME talking, and soon

[AmyK]

Oh Lex. I know the feeling. It's so extremely frustrating and disheartening.

Just know it can and it will change. Is it totally impossible to hold for a week? Maybe that could ease some of the symptoms? Can you take some time off?

I am walking side by side with you. You are not alone. It will get better.

Hugs!

[LexAnger]

Dear Amy, you are always there for me! Appreciate the very needed hugs!

I was like this about 4 weeks ago, so made plan for a 3 week off work to ride it out. It turned out I was WD normal right before the vacation started and it lasted for 2 weeks then the last week of the vacation changed into a dread again. Today is my first day back to work.

 

It doesn't seem anything else matter much except for the dosing change.

Many many times I thought to holder longer, but every time I decided to continue cutting as the DR and coma like feeling can be very severe and dread.

 

Everyday I'm in constant debating if hold or drop, and how much to drop.

 

How are you? I haven't heard about your progress lately. Are things improving nicely? I am so hopeful for you.

 

Hugs,

Lex,

[AmyK]

Ok I see. Just hang in there, Lex. You are almost off. Hopefully you will feel so much better once you are totally off.

I am ok, have been feeling quite good the last week. My sliver of the pill is so tiny now that I am tempted to make a bigger cut. But I dont know if I dare.

Hugs again!

[LexAnger]

Dear SFL,

 

Your kindest words and care are so dear and calming! Thank you my friend!

 

I'm in huge confusion today after holding 4 days (usually 3 days max) from the last drop of 3.3%. The first day after the cut was featured with overall sickness, short breath, fatigue, second day with intolerable needling pain all over, brain non functional, and the third day with this huge confusion while physical symptoms subsided.

 

It seems regardless how strong I try to hold, the drug always overpowers me and beat me up.

 

Bed ridden all these days, sending a few emails, and doing some online training in bed with huge effort.

 

I hope you are travelling fine.

Lex

[LexAnger]

So happy for you dear Amy! You have been extremely careful trimming the evil pill over these years, and I admire your patience and stength getting to where you are now. I am so sure the reward time to get your full life and freedom back is right at the corner!!!

 

I do hope once I get through the 1mg mark, WD will be easier and I can move faster to handle the drug toxicity better. But I learned not try to predict anything as I always have been out thrown by surprises. So amazing, someone in this world ever created these monsters to destroy and tourture a human being in such a magnitude.

 

I'd better stop here until some positive energy flares back.

 

All the best to you, and keep the good days stay and more to come!

 

Lex

[Happy2Heal]

hi just dropping by to give you a gentle hug

[LexAnger]

So kind f you Cat! Your gentle hug is well received and hugs back to you too!

Hope the 0.2 mg les reinstate continue working well for you!

 

Lex

[grandmaD]

This thing manipulates your thinking ridiculously, as I was sincerely thinking I was surviving the whole ordeal just one week ago, now also sincerely feeling it will never end and hopeless.

 

So exhausted to even try to think of what is what, after years up and down thousand times.

 

I was thinking we hadn't heard from you for a while and I was hoping because you were still doing fine!  I'm sorry to hear this, and can relate totally.  No matter how many years of going through this, I still never get used to the rotten process!  It is so discouraging and yes, you feel like it can never change, but you did see some improvement, so you know it can come again.  Praying for you and hugs x

[LexAnger]

GrandmaD, that's so true! Regardless how much you try for so long, it seems the worse is endless. This is so far the worst crisis allover, I'm losing the whole ground again. Even I know I won't do it, but started thinking to take something or anything to just be functional.

[LexAnger]

Oh, dear FSL, my friend, your words are God sent! Sharing you experience and thoughts gives me hope and comfort!

I'm having the suicidal thoughts right this moment. I usually put my symptoms in three categories, physical, mental and pshycalogical. For, Many years my major suffering is on the physical side, mental was added on since the drug reaction, I rarely had pshycalogical symptoms except for occasional restlessness or anxiety. I'm having all three today with many severe symptoms in each.

 

For years I have been struggling in between WD and Reaction, and why I tapered rather fast this year. So I know I have no option to go back up, at least this evil drug, lexapro.

 

I would try to believe things will change, for better some how.

 

I will try to hold longer now see if I can ride out the drug reaction to get some relief.

 

You don't need to worry about the lower dose. My case is different from most others in that I could not go slow. There are many others, like reachforthestar, LexFree, scottly999, they all did well passing through the low doses with no moor minimal issues. As a matter of fact, they all feeling much better after 1 mg mark. I'm an unfortunate outliner.

 

Wish you all the best luck in your current taper plan, and big hugs,

Lex

[grandmaD]

Hugs again today Lex!  My thoughts and prayers are also for you during this struggle.  One thing you can be sure of is that the suicidal thoughts are coming as a result of the w/d and not you.  It is very weird, and I found that out when I noticed I would be like that one day and the very next day i could get up and think it was a beautiful day.  That sudden change really woke me up and made me realised it was chemically induced. 

 

All we want is some relief, some comfort and for me I try and get that from my teapot and a sit outside in the sun with my cuppa.  Hope you find something to get you through this.  It is wonderful that we can come alongside each other and hold each other's hands a this point!  much love, x

[LexAnger]

Tearing day for me! So thankful to have people like you GrandmaD in my life! I often think that everyone going through this battle is a hero only unrecognized by the majority population. And you are one of he strongest among all! I really admire you!

 

Still feeling thrilled about the good two days for you!

Here I also got good news to add to the cheer! I started feeling a lot better since sunset, which is also the start of my dosing time ( 4pm through midnight to finish ).

 

Most days for all these years, I always feel better in evening, doesn't matter what time I take the dose. Often time, I am a total different person in evening especially after 2 hours in gym after dinner. The past couple days were so bad constantly breaking the daily pattern. But today I got the good evening back again! Its the 4th day since the last cut, and my regular day to cut again but I decided to hold instead. I feel the recent misery is most probably due to the recent super fast reduction.

 

Do you have a similar daily pattern? I heard lots ppl feel this way due to morning cortisol hikes.

 

Hugs hugs hugs, for the small victory from both of us!

 

Lex

[LexAnger]

Oh, talked too fast, right after the last post, got reaction to the last two drops for the day again with severe DR, coma like feeling plus heart pounding, and short breath,

 

Oh well, speechless.

[AmyK]

This is so hard, Lex. I just hope you can have a good night's sleep and that tomorrow will be better. Sending healing thoughts.

[brassmonkey]

(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

[LexAnger]

Each time I am in a terror like this, I would think of everyone here going to through the same journey, and how strong each is to gain freedom and life back. Deep respect to all!

 

I am sure I couldn't have made it to toady without having everyone's company, encouragement, sympath, understanding.

 

Very grateful to alto to have this platform for us to be able to unite.

[Happy2Heal]

 

Very grateful to alto to have this platform for us to be able to unite.

 

 

me too, me too.

we will get thru this. I hope you are starting to enter another window soon, even if it's a wee one

 

Your strength and courage are helping me to get thru this, and I am sure it is helping others too

 

(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

[LexAnger]

Thank you Catnapt for stopping by and the encouragement! Very much needed in this deep, dark and painful wave.

[LexAnger]

Just add on to the last update

 

6th day since the last cut

 

Still in the worst wave ever, severe symptoms physical, mental, plus the new pshycalogical ones, depression every morning upon waking up. Tons needling pain ( like millions long needles constantly poking into the very core of the brain ), head pressure, brain dead, short breathless, confusion and left body weakness / paralyzed feeling. With each domoniting one time or the other.

 

So far the drug reaction is tolerable with this longer hold ( usually hold 3 days each 1-2%cut). Will continue hold as long as the reaction allows.

 

Been feeling regretting a lot lately about ever starting the effort of withdrawal from this evil. Would rather just stay on it if I could go back. Sorry to say this, but want to add it to the journal. It can be just thinking due to the tourture.

[AmyK]

I am so sorry you feel so bad, Lex. You will come out of this. You will feel better. You have come so far, and dont have much left.

Just hang in there. It will change. It has before. Good of you to try to hold.

Sending healing thougts and hugs.

[LexAnger]

Thank you for the comforting words, my dear friend!

Never thought. I could be in such a soul and body shaking status. Only hope the longer hold can ease the wreaked system. 10% rule a must, and wishful it's true the below 1 mg is much easier like everyone told.

 

Your great achievement is encouraging!

 

Hugs,

Lex

[LexAnger]

Update

 

I consider the severity and variety of the symptoms I got since 1.2mg was very close to CT off.  

 

reasons can be both too fast/frequent cut in the past months (down from 3.2-1.2 in 8.5 months) and reaching the most tough dosage (read many having critical difficulties ~ 1.25mg Lexapro (or ~2.5 paxil etc.).

 

today is the 8th days since the last cut (12 mg to 11.5mg in 2 consecutive cuts within 6 days) and feeling the mental and pshyc symptoms are starting to lingering off, and with mainly the heart-shaking physical pains (tension headache, needling pain, left body aches etc.)

 

been dreaming more the past few days which usually is a sign of less drug side effects.

 

re-read the slowness of slow taper which was my original rule in 2014 to finish the 4mg in 7 years, but fast tapered this year due to a sudden and severe drug reaction.  

 

re-adjusted mindset as of today after this horrifying experience, will consider the super slow taper again. Somehow I feel the average healing time for similar cases are 6-7 years all together regardless slow or fast off the drug completely, and really I wont be able to survive another CT experience like the recent one. Fingers crossed the drug reaction wont get back too quickly.

 

Plan would very likely change as always but how I think right this moment.

 

hope all are doing ok.

[AmyK]

Oh Lex. Try to hold some more days if you can. Your last experience sounds awful. The severity of these drugs makes me feel sick.

Breathe and remember you will come out of this. You will feel better soon. Things will change.

Just hold on.

 

A warm hug.

Amy

[scallywag]

Fingers-crossed and intentions set for you, Lex.

[LexAnger]

Thank you Scallywag for your kind support!

I hope you take more time taking care of yourself too while working so hard to help others!

 

Much respect and admiration!

Lex

[LexAnger]

Dear Amy, I will continue hanging in. There is simply no other options.

You are very right, the one sure feature of this thing is change, although the change to worse often makes us hopeless, but the same time it also gives hope for the change for better.

 

Seriously I feel the amount of time needed for a brain to heal after many years artificial and consistent manipulation by these drugs is longer than the popular belief say, 2-4 years including the taper.

 

Your taper schedule is optimal in my view to allow the right time for the brain to heal and not too much time to delay the freedom.

 

I have great faith in you soon complete success!

 

Love,

Lex

[AliG]

Lex.  You have come so far. This is indeed a learning experience for all of us and you have shown patience and strength. I hope you have a lessening of symptoms and can continue on to your ultimate goal of being free from Lexapro. I know you will.

Hugs,

Ali