☼ Maybe

[Punarbhava]

Thanks again Pun

My main "mood" problem is that I have never had any big problems with my health before taking the pills. So feeling bad is bringing me down rather quickly. I guess my postings seem sniveling and self-pitying a lot of the time, but that's just the way I can release some of the stress.

 

Believe me, we all understand how devastating it is to have one's health taken away. It's a life-altering event (as you know) and one that we just can't fully embrace. It's natural to experience self-pity. Believe me, I have many such moments and will continue to have.

 

Grieving one's loss of health is part of psychological and emotional healing and many times, it occurs in spurts. Then we pick ourselves up for awhile, put on a brave face.......try to keep moving forward with hope, but, as you know, our resilience starts to wear thin the longer this goes on..........and thus, we will lapse into grieving mode again.

 

This is the most difficult battle we will likely ever have to endure since, when the CNS and brain are assaulted, all systems start to malfunction. This whole journey takes a very serious psychological toll but we must do all we can to infuse this time with hope and inspiration so we can keep moving forward.........to make it to the finish line.

 

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and to all of us. It is completely unfair to the max. but we must do all that we can to keep our spirit alive during this process.

 

And I am very glad to hear that:

"BTW, I'm now 2 years and 16 days AD free, have come out of a bad and lengthy wave a couple of weeks ago and I'm feeling the best that I've felt since this whole unbelievable nightmare began."

 

I hope that your cns and body stay on the course and the worst is now behind you!

 

Thank you so very much for your well wishes Maybe! I hope things improve on a more linear fashion from this point forward. I wish you the same. We WILL MAKE IT! Healing is happening and it's only a matter of time before we can breathe easier and have the confidence that the worse is behind us.

 

Hang in there. You've come this far and you've done an incredible job. Just need to hold on for a bit longer to reap the rewards.

 

Incredible Healing to You!

 

 

Punar

 

[Razzle]

I agree with Neuro that pushing may get us into trouble. In fact my original non-drug breakdown was from pushing.

 

I just consulted a doctor that specialized in brain rehabilitation and was told to increase my aerobic exercise. I have done strenuous exercise all my life so it seemed like a worthwhile recommendation.

 

I started riding my bike this past 6 weeks at about 3 miles a day and now up to 10 miles of pretty fast riding. I think it is making me worse. As I look at the physiology of exercise it is stress and it releases stress chemicals - and we know what stress does to a sensitized nervous system.

 

Anytime we have to move outside a comfort zone it is stress provoking - it is just that I have such a tiny (or almost non-existent) comfort zone

[Maybe]

The first experience, that really brought me to my knees more often than I would have thought possible. But yes, we will make it. That is the only direction

 

Today is a rather good day, at least better than the last week. Still feel weird and slightly derealized, but it's ok. Took a slow and short walk in the afternoon and everything went fine. I will try to keep that up and go for about 15 minutes every morning.

[Maybe]

Hey Punar,

 

no, not always while I try to go to sleep. I do not even know when they appear, totally random and only lasting some seconds while I keep my eyes closed.

But overall I mostly get an increase in symptoms when I lay down to sleep, but even before I drift off. Right after I lay down, things start to get worse or weird. Very seldom during the day, mostly in the evening.

Maybe this is some kind of anxiety reaction? Real wd (besides my initial adverse reaction) started with the brain zaps when I wanted to sleep as far as i can remember. Maybe my brain remembers that horror when I lay down...

[Altostrata]

no, not always while I try to go to sleep. I do not even know when they appear, totally random and only lasting some seconds while I keep my eyes closed....

This sounds like the normal optic nerve stuff.

 

But overall I mostly get an increase in symptoms when I lay down to sleep, but even before I drift off. Right after I lay down, things start to get worse or weird....

 

I have a bad period when I lay down and start to relax, too. I'll start to get sleepy, then that goes away and I get hot and wakeful. It seems like that needs to wear off for about an hour before I can start to sleep again.

 

I interpret this as a paradoxical reaction to the relaxation of sleep, which sets off my alerting system. This has been going on for quite a while. It's a very, very dilute form of the sleep panic and awful insomnia I had earlier in withdrawal syndrome.

[Maybe]

Yes, same here. But my sleep is actually quite fine. I can even sleep up to 9 hours on the weekends (seldom though), but get my 7 to 8 hours on the average. But I had bad sleep problems in the beginning of wd for some weeks and then again in "phase 2" after around 4 months till I went to the hospital.

 

I really wonder how much of all these symptoms is really psychological because of the wd trauma...

[Altostrata]

Withdrawal trauma? How could that train our bodies to fear sleep???

 

It does sound like perhaps you've developed a habit of anxiety about small things that could be normal.

 

Maybe, it sounds like you are definitely on the mend. Despite some difficulties, you're sleeping well.

 

Let's celebrate that!

[Maybe]

Ah, I thank you for your optimism. Problem is, I have slept well for the past 12 months

 

I have two major symptoms left that really keep me from living a normal life again. Weird feelings in the back of my head and neck and the terrible movement sensitivity (dizziness). Slight movements with my chair are instantly noticed by my nerves and stopping the car as well. It sometimes feels terrible.

 

The rest of the symptoms is endurable, but those two can let me feel like my body is falling apart...

[Maybe]

Just need to vent a bit.

 

Had a really bad evening yesterday. When I lay down, my whole nervous system and skin began to burn, I got stomach pains and bad neck feelings. The past 2 weeks overall have been rather bad, I just wonder why there can be such bad days inbetween even close to 22 months out. I felt like my body is breaking apart yesterday.

 

I think that I still have too much stress for my cns to heal. I will try to cut down my working hours by 50%.

[Maybe]

Great. I will be working 4 hours a day in August and September. I hope this will give me a more stressless time and room for major improvement.

 

Had an appointment yesterday with a neurologist due to concentration and memory problems (had them also before wd) and he said that all my symptoms are very likely psychomatic in nature. Yeah, of course

[Punarbhava]

Great. I will be working 4 hours a day in August and September. I hope this will give me a more stressless time and room for major improvement.

 

It has had to have been tough on you working full-time throughout WD. I'm glad to hear that your will have a milder work schedule in the coming months. Less stress is indeed beneficial to recvoery!

 

Had an appointment yesterday with a neurologist due to concentration and memory problems (had them also before wd) and he said that all my symptoms are very likely psychomatic in nature. Yeah, of course

 

 

I'm starting to get a massive headache from shaking my head too many times, in disbelief, regarding the utter ignorance of "so-called" medical professionals. All this head shaking is interfering with my recovery. (LOL).

 

 

Hang in there Maybe. You're making it! Someday this will be a distant memory.

 

 

Punar

[angie007]

Hey Maybe,

 

How are you doing my friend???

You know, looking back at the start of this thread, my word, what a way you have come!!!!1

You may not feel that you have, but, the change in what and how you write these days is so

different, i can feel that you are recovering brilliantly and your going to be just fine -

maybe, even sooner than you think.

All the best to you buddy, and stay in touch and keep us updated on your progress.

 

Pun:-

I am so sorry for taking what you had written to Maybe out of context, and i understand completely, i mean no offence to anyone, and im so sick of whinging and whining, that i lose track of any improvements i have made in my desperation to be well again.

Yes i am 7 weeks off this poison, and some things have gotten better, wether they have gone away for good - who knows, but for now i am having a little relief, although its far from easy yet!!!! like i said somethings have gotten easier only to be replaced by others that i haven't experienced before.

Yes i did an extremely slow taper, whilst suffering tremendously all the way down, and i think its that length of time and horrific symptoms that has drained me

of positivity, this just feels like its been going on forever, instead of just the start - guess that's what happens in tolerance wd though.

Apart from the excruciating lower back pain which started in tapering, so has to be linked to wd - the worst right now for me, is the mental, DEAR GOD, if only that would go away i would cope loads better - maybe in time GOD willing, and i know you will understand this all of you here, its unnnerving and scary to be having all these intrusive horrible thoughts invade my mind, which upset me greatly.

 

On a positive note, I am pushing myself to just be and try to let go - i know this is wd, ive never been this sort of person before, heck, i never had anxiety before either lol, somedays i can cope very well with that now and i never thought i would ever be able to say that either.

I go out, i go shopping, i drive my car - my life is far from how i would like it to be, as i still spend far too much time on my own, and finding distractions hard, as i dont know what interests me anymore, but im doing my very best to try and integrate back into "normal" life again, its not easy, but doable sometimes.

I will continue to keep putting one foot in front of the other and push through this the best way i know how, and trust!! that one day all of this will become a very bad nightmare that none of us wish to remember.

Pun;-

I hang on to every word i read here and pray to GOD that tapering as i did will pay off in the long run.

Thank you for your kind words, they are very much appreciated.

[Maybe]

Here I am 22 months off the pills.

 

Remaining symptoms in comparison to the previous months:

 

- Tinnitus (same)

- Movement sensitivity (a bit worse)

- IBS sometimes resulting in a kind of body dizziness (overall improved)

- Dizziness (same)

- Weird leg feelings (same)

- Weird head and neck feelings and headaches (same)

- General feeling not normal yet, sometimes I feel ill, but have no illness (same)

- Unable to exercise, too much arousal for the cns, only slow walking is possible (same)

 

As always, symptoms come and go as they like and of course become worse with too much stress

 

To be honest, I have no clue how it feels to be normal again. I wonder if I can recognize it if it happens...

[Maybe]

And another really bad weekend again. I cannot understand this anymore. How could I have NO symptoms 12 months ago for 2 or 3 weeks and then, after doing the acupuncture (NO symptoms right before it) I had maybe 2 or 3 fine days since then??

I am sorry to bring it up again and again, but the acupuncture must have harmed my cns in a bad way. Before doing it, my symptoms often felt much more psychological whereas now they are much more physical. Pain in my calfs and heat/pain in my neck and back of the head. And I did not have any gastro problems (besides the initial 3 days after the 4th pill) until the 14th month or so. Even those started AFTER the acupuncture. I really feel damaged. So many took the meds for months and years. I only took 4 pills and am still not better overall. What am I doing wrong??

 

I am really having a bad again...

[stan]

hi Maybe

 

You have to give more time to heal, symptoms have to diminish with time, you cannot stabilize in this state

adverse reaction seems to be as hard as cold turkey for many testimonies

[Maybe]

Hello Stan,

 

It is just weird that others who had an adverse reaction, seem to have had a much more sever wd experience in the beginning but often healed much faster than me. I on the contrary had a hard initial wd, but it got much better around the 6 months mark and then being much worse after acupuncture at around the 10th month until now. This makes no sense...

[Altostrata]

You're not doing anything wrong, Maybe. Each of our nervous systems is different.

 

Some people find they become sensitive to certain foods at different stages of withdrawal. Perhaps you've become sensitive to something you eat frequently? Perhaps adjusting your diet can help the gastro issues?

 

For a while, I couldn't eat spicy foods, but now I can.

[Maybe]

I am going to have a food sensitivities test next week. Around 270 different ingredients will be tested. I am also going to test several other things like my gastro system and blood works etc. It is so hard to tell what might be wd and what not.

 

I also have some kind of pain since 5 or 6 days (varying strongly in intensity, but never too bad right now) around my larynx.I am afraid that I might have some infection and need to take antibiotics. I hope this is also wd and nothing will be found...

[Maybe]

Short question:

Do you think it was a mistake to stop the pills abruptly even when I had an adverse reaction to it? Should I have taken them a bit longer, slowly reducing the 10mg?

[summer]

No, I think you did the correct thing! That's what I would have done. But, there is no point in even thinking about that now... it will just make you miserable and feel worse.

 

Think about today... and perhaps go for a short walk in the sunshine.

[Maybe]

Thanks Summer

 

I am starting a 2 week holiday this weekend and am going to relax a lot and walk every day. Hope this will help me recover.

[Maybe]

Had a weird experience last night. I woke up 1,5 hours after going to bed feeling a really scary derealisation and began to get very anxious. I somehow could calm myself and the derealisation got better. I went to bed again quickly and in the morning it was gone. I think that my body/brain has a lot of anxiety symptoms, because I believe that this surely was one.

(had that some months ago, but then the body felt weird, not the "brain")

 

Withdrawl is so weird in all areas.....unbelievable.

 

Another question. When I have fully recovered, and I hope I will, what do I have to avoid besides those horrible ads and benzos? Is there anything else I should never take in my life, because I had a bad reaction to an ad? Antibiotics for example?

[Altostrata]

Good for you, dealing with that symptom. That must have been very frightening.

 

Can you describe that feeling of derealization?

 

In my opinion, Maybe, if your system is sensitized, you should minimize any drugs that are neuroactive, such as painkillers and antihistamines.

 

If you are hypersensitive, you might get a reaction to antibiotics, but the benefits of eradicating an infection may outweigh the risks. I personally would take an antibiotic.

[Maybe]

So you think the system will always be sensitised from now on?

 

The feeling was.....as if the reality was wrong, different. Somehow "phased", as if I did not receive every single information, but only every "second". Very hard to describe.

[Altostrata]

I don't know if your system will be sensitized from now on. My guess it will lessen as time goes on. You'll be able to tell.

[angie007]

hey maybe,

 

Just popped by and noticed your having a hard time, so sorry to hear that buddy,

but you know, believe it or not, you did exactly the right thing when you stopped the lex,

and no!!!!! you did not need to taper, not after 4 daYS use, you should never spend longer

tapering than you were on the drug = 4 days, how on earth could you taper from that.

 

Im glad you have a 2 week holiday and i hope you spend that time wisely lol, resting up , walking

and being kind to yourself, it will all aid the healing process, and know that your amongst

friends who understand, and try your best to believe that others recover from this, so why should we be any different.

(((((hugs))))))) Really hope you feel better soon, and you know, that this will indeed pass.

[Maybe]

Hey Angie,

 

feeling better again right now <g>

It is really weird for my symptoms change rather quickly. I can be down in the abyss one day and then on an ok level the next day. I guess it is all related to stress currently. My system seems to be effected very quickly...

[Nadia]

 

Your fear is highly unlikely to pan out as you describe. The vast majority of people are doing SO MUCH BETTER by the two year mark. As long as you remain drug, alcohol, herb and supplement free you have every reason to believe that you are only a matter of a few months away from turning the corner.

 

And you can argue that point with me if you wish (LOL) (just joking with you BTW).......but I've seen thousands of people come and go from various AD and benzo forums and I can attest that what I have relayed above is NOT wishful thinking, not my opinion, nor my attempt to give you false hope. Rather, it's pretty much a given and a near guarantee.

 

Take care and hang in there. You truly are closer to recovery than you think. Do not gauge your progress by how you feel at this time. It's not an accurate representation of where you will be a few months from now.

 

BTW, sorry it's taken a bit of time to get back to you but I was in and out of town for a short while and then had a life stressor to contend with which prevented me from reading so many posts.

 

Punar

 

Punar, thank you so much for those words. I too was freaking out at hearing years and years of this hell were ahead of me. That can be a downside of us sharing our experiences... that we might feed off each other in a negative way. What I have been looking for is success stories and have found very few... it makes sense that once someone feels better they stop posting. So it's good to hear they exist. THANK YOU.

[Punarbhava]

You're not doing anything wrong, Maybe. Each of our nervous systems is different.

 

Some people find they become sensitive to certain foods at different stages of withdrawal. Perhaps you've become sensitive to something you eat frequently? Perhaps adjusting your diet can help the gastro issues?

 

For a while, I couldn't eat spicy foods, but now I can.

 

 

Maybe.....

 

I very much support Alto's post (bold print above). She's so right about this. I've seen this on so many WD forums, not to mention, personal experience.

 

Food sensitivities developed at different stages of WD. And the sensitivities kept changing for me. Old sensitivities left but were replaced by new sensitivities.

 

At this stage of WD I can safely say that I don't have many food sensitivities remaining however, I have developed a chemical sensitivity (only ONE) that started a few months ago and continues. With that said, I have every confidence that this latest development WILL ease up at some point.

 

 

Your current food reactions will likely remit within a few months.

 

 

Punar

[Punarbhava]

Punar, thank you so much for those words. I too was freaking out at hearing years and years of this hell were ahead of me. That can be a downside of us sharing our experiences... that we might feed off each other in a negative way. What I have been looking for is success stories and have found very few... it makes sense that once someone feels better they stop posting. So it's good to hear they exist. THANK YOU.

_____________________________________

 

 

 

Hi Nadia....

 

Thank you for your appreciative post. I'm very glad to hear that you found some comfort in reading my message to Maybe.

 

 

BTW, there are even larger numbers of people who heal BEFORE the two year mark. You could very well be in that group Nadia. Many people heal at 9 months or 1 year off, even when they have C/T'd. Another common time-frame is the 18 month mark.

 

 

Those of us who take two years or longer are in the unfortunate minority group.

 

 

there's no way to predict the healing rate for any given individual. Whatever the case, you WILL heal if you stay the course and refrain from ingesting any psychocative substances (including herbs) that can confuse and disrupt the receptors.

 

 

They will remember their way back to normal functioning......they have their own biological wisdom and I believe we need to respect and trust that wisdom and thus, not interfere with it.

 

 

Much More Beautiful Healing to You Nadia,

 

 

Punar

[Maybe]

I should get my test results next week, so I can adjust my diet. Looking forward to it. But currently my digestive system is at least kinda quiet. Not too loud noises or bloating. I guess that is a good sign. But today I am dizzy and have med headaches. The symptoms really change from day to day...very weird.

[Nadia]

 

Hi Nadia....

 

Thank you for your appreciative post. I'm very glad to hear that you found some comfort in reading my message to Maybe.

 

 

BTW, there are even larger numbers of people who heal BEFORE the two year mark. You could very well be in that group Nadia. Many people heal at 9 months or 1 year off, even when they have C/T'd. Another common time-frame is the 18 month mark.

 

 

Those of us who take two years or longer are in the unfortunate minority group.

 

 

there's no way to predict the healing rate for any given individual. Whatever the case, you WILL heal if you stay the course and refrain from ingesting any psychocative substances (including herbs) that can confuse and disrupt the receptors.

 

 

They will remember their way back to normal functioning......they have their own biological wisdom and I believe we need to respect and trust that wisdom and thus, not interfere with it.

 

 

Much More Beautiful Healing to You Nadia,

 

 

Punar

 

Punar... your words mean so much to me, I really needed to hear that! Much more beautiful healing to all of us.

 

Maybe, looking forward to find out what they suggest for your diet.

[Maybe]

And here we go, test results just came in.

 

I am not going to post all my reactions (would have to look up too many words ), but one area needs definitely to be avoided: Milk products. My body shows a strong reaction to nearly every milk product that is on the market. Unbelievable. I have to avoid chesse, milk and even kefir

Medium reactions to many cereal and flesh sorts. Wonder if this all is due to wd. But to know this, surely will help to settle my cns. Reactions aren't calming I guess

[Punarbhava]

And here we go, test results just came in.

 

I am not going to post all my reactions (would have to look up too many words ), but one area needs definitely to be avoided: Milk products. My body shows a strong reaction to nearly every milk product that is on the market. Unbelievable. I have to avoid chesse, milk and even kefir

Medium reactions to many cereal and flesh sorts. Wonder if this all is due to wd. But to know this, surely will help to settle my cns. Reactions aren't calming I guess

 

 

Maybe........

 

 

did the report state that you had "Lactose Intolerance"? I had this problem for years before any psyche drug use or WD. Many people develop this in early adult life despite being able to tolerate dairy products during childhood.

 

However, with that said, WD can provoke sensitivities (as we know) that one never had previously.

 

There is a product called "Lactaid" (Lactase digestive enzyme) that you can take to off-set the lactose intolerance. BTW, this product really does work OR you can just refrain from eating all dairy products.

 

You can google this subject to find out more.

 

 

Punar

[Punarbhava]

 

 

Punar... your words mean so much to me, I really needed to hear that! Much more beautiful healing to all of us.

 

 

 

Nadia......

 

your appreciate words have equal meaning to me. So I sincerely thank you!

 

 

Punar

[Maybe]

Hey Punar,

 

it seems that I do not have a lactose intolerance, because I can drink mare's milk without a reaction (the only milk product with not reaction) and it has lactose as well. So that does not seem to be the problem. Kinda weird though..