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Marriages Destroyed by SSRI SNRI - Topix


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#433 TeaBea

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Posted 04 November 2016 - 08:05 AM

Coopergirl....thanks for sharing that.  I can see how it was that way with my husband.  When you don't seem to be able to feel anything, you search out ways to GET a feeling, any feeling.  Maybe it's that we all have those "desires" inside us, but when on SSRIs (or drunk) our inhibitions are lowered and we just don't care if we do them or not.  A "sound" mind is able to keep itself from acting on behaviors it knows are inappropriate.  

 

I don't have any answers for you.  I would think the best thing would be honesty with your boyfriend.  If you give both of you your wings to be free for the moment, it doesn't mean you can't still be together in the future.  I believe that if it's your "destiny" to be with this person, it will still end up that way (together).  Trying to force it only makes things worse, for both of you.  Staying together and struggling will create tensions and other problems that might be as hard to overcome as anything.  

 

Good luck!



#434 Coopergirl1

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Posted 05 November 2016 - 05:01 AM

Thanks Teabea..he knows how I'm feeling and we both know it wasn't always this way..until the pills took over. I'm not willing to risk losing the love of my life before giving myself a chance to get off these pills. You are right about wanting attention because you can't feel it when drugged. Nothing drastic has happened so I think I will keep going on my journey of getting off ssri and stay with the person I know I love.♡
Started Prozac 20 MG March 2014-Sept 2014
New doctor switched me to Lexapro 10 MG and it helped from Sept 2014-Feb 2015 and then I felt the Lexapro wasn't helping as much so he changed the dose to 20 MG and I took that from Feb 2015-July 2015 when I decided to get off pills completely.I had to reinstate as I was feeling so bad and very pressured to go back on pills. My Dr put me on 50 MG zoloft and I took it for about a week..made me feel brain dead. Went down to 25 before I really learned the trouble of fast tapering..finally got a jewelry scale to properly weigh out my pills. Looking to just feel OK. Unsure where to go next.

#435 MattUK

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Posted 05 November 2016 - 05:21 AM

Your very lucky
I only wish I had realised how bad things were or how much I had been affected before it was too late

I only hope someday or someday my partner wants me back ...... I can only dream tho
http://survivinganti...re/#entry257333

20yrs on and off many ADs last stretch was 8-10yrs on fluoxetine 40mg daily
Cold turkey since December 2015 after a traumatic event in my wife's life
Depersonalisation episodes
Depression
Panic attacks
Anxiety
Diazepam Propranolol 40mg x3 daily for 2 months tried tapering made me ill so cold turkey
Now loosing everyone that ever mattered to me

I don't know who or what I am no more ....... or even if I want to be

#436 mylifeisback

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Posted 05 November 2016 - 07:00 AM

Coopergirl1, I would say hang in their and get off of the pills and see how you feel then. You are not in your right state of mind while the drugs are still in your system. Let your boyfriend know how you feel and what you are struggling with. Beven honest with him and yourself.you know and understand what is going on and that is a blessing that some people will never have because they just can't see it

#437 Coopergirl1

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Posted 05 November 2016 - 07:21 AM

Thanks MLIB! I agree completely. We both recognize what is going on. Our research on these drugs fall into exact place with my symptoms and I can't thank everyone on here enough for the support. Slow and steady wins the race♡
Started Prozac 20 MG March 2014-Sept 2014
New doctor switched me to Lexapro 10 MG and it helped from Sept 2014-Feb 2015 and then I felt the Lexapro wasn't helping as much so he changed the dose to 20 MG and I took that from Feb 2015-July 2015 when I decided to get off pills completely.I had to reinstate as I was feeling so bad and very pressured to go back on pills. My Dr put me on 50 MG zoloft and I took it for about a week..made me feel brain dead. Went down to 25 before I really learned the trouble of fast tapering..finally got a jewelry scale to properly weigh out my pills. Looking to just feel OK. Unsure where to go next.

#438 scallywag

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Posted 05 November 2016 - 08:43 AM

Coopergirl, remember withdrawal symptoms can occur well after the drug has left your body. Symptoms are not the result of the drug being present they are the result of the drug was once present at a certain level and that level has changed. Your CNS (central nervous system) is restoring itself to a new lower level or the absence of medication, renovations so to speak.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results
Cymbalta (brand name), 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 20 mg to 7 mg in 2016, taper details in this post;
2017: 6.3 (58 beads) Feb. 1; 5.6 mg (52) Feb. 22; 5.4 mg (50) Mar. 15;
Current dose: 5.1 mg (47 beads) 2017-Mar-25
+ Supplements: fish oil (1500 mg EPA/500 mg DHA), Vitamins: D3, K2, C; Minerals: Mg, Se, Cr, I, V
scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet


#439 kaydb

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Posted 07 November 2016 - 09:26 AM

Coopergirl, I remember reading the article you referenced about the dopamine and how much sense it made to me with behaviors I saw my husband participating in. He was seeking attention from other sources (whether it be online or in person). He says nothing physical ever happened, but admits some of his behavior was inappropriate. I think in your case and his case, being able to recognize and self reflect now somewhat is a huge step. In our case he never said he lost feelings for me, he always claimed he loved me and that our relationship was the most important thing to him. However, he was coming to me with the idea of wanting an open marriage and wanted to sleep with other people (he was searching for new connections). At that time, even though he was saying the words I love you, I could tell something had changed. It's only been 2 months since he's been off the prozac, but I'm definitely starting to see more and more of his actually personality shine through.

As long as you and your boyfriend are on the same page, I think you will be just fine. As long as he realizes it may take awhile for you to get back to your "normal" and he realizes it might be hard road. Just keep being open and honest with each other, that has helped us. 


Supporting my husband

-He was prescribed 40mg fluoxetine in May 2016

-He began experiencing mania & other negative side effects in June 

-I did not realize what was happening until August

-Doctor recommended coming off the medication and he did a fast taper (we didn't know any better)

-30 days off the medication was Sept 20 2016

-So far no withdrawal symptoms that he or I have noticed

-Still noticing some changes in his behavior that haven't gone back to "normal" 


#440 Coopergirl1

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Posted 07 November 2016 - 11:23 AM

He knows how I feel 100% and is like hey don't worry we will get back to us we just need you off these pills. That's what I'm doing. Tapering and someday I know I'll be me again. I'm so sorry you have had to go through a rough time. You are a wonderful person for sticking by your husband. He was never wanting these things while not drugged right? I feel so different
Started Prozac 20 MG March 2014-Sept 2014
New doctor switched me to Lexapro 10 MG and it helped from Sept 2014-Feb 2015 and then I felt the Lexapro wasn't helping as much so he changed the dose to 20 MG and I took that from Feb 2015-July 2015 when I decided to get off pills completely.I had to reinstate as I was feeling so bad and very pressured to go back on pills. My Dr put me on 50 MG zoloft and I took it for about a week..made me feel brain dead. Went down to 25 before I really learned the trouble of fast tapering..finally got a jewelry scale to properly weigh out my pills. Looking to just feel OK. Unsure where to go next.

#441 kaydb

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Posted 07 November 2016 - 11:31 AM

Coopergirl, no he never showed any signs of infidelity or anything like that before. I 100% trusted him and had no doubts about him or our relationship at all. That's why it's so hard to comprehend, but I just keep reminding myself that he'll get back to normal and at least we are both working towards the same goal.

It sounds like you have a supportive spouse as well, which is good! Where are you at now on your taper? Are you off medication completely? I was trying to tell from your signature, it sounds like you're still working on tapering off?


Supporting my husband

-He was prescribed 40mg fluoxetine in May 2016

-He began experiencing mania & other negative side effects in June 

-I did not realize what was happening until August

-Doctor recommended coming off the medication and he did a fast taper (we didn't know any better)

-30 days off the medication was Sept 20 2016

-So far no withdrawal symptoms that he or I have noticed

-Still noticing some changes in his behavior that haven't gone back to "normal" 


#442 Coopergirl1

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Posted 07 November 2016 - 12:07 PM

I am still tapering off I have about 6 months left! In the long run it is not that long at all!
Started Prozac 20 MG March 2014-Sept 2014
New doctor switched me to Lexapro 10 MG and it helped from Sept 2014-Feb 2015 and then I felt the Lexapro wasn't helping as much so he changed the dose to 20 MG and I took that from Feb 2015-July 2015 when I decided to get off pills completely.I had to reinstate as I was feeling so bad and very pressured to go back on pills. My Dr put me on 50 MG zoloft and I took it for about a week..made me feel brain dead. Went down to 25 before I really learned the trouble of fast tapering..finally got a jewelry scale to properly weigh out my pills. Looking to just feel OK. Unsure where to go next.

#443 mylifeisback

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Posted 08 November 2016 - 09:31 AM

Kaydb, your story is like mine but my husband did have sex with others. I knew he had changed but didn't put it together. He also never stopped loving me and always told me that he loved me. I know how I feel about all this and what it has done to me but I bet he has done a lot worse to him. It truly takes a strong marriage to make it through.

#444 MattUK

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Posted 11 November 2016 - 03:23 AM

Coopergirl been off them since December/January and now I want off the anxiety and panic pills NOW the gp wants me to taper them and to go back on ADs he has also re referred me to psychology but that may take months

I'm just so sick off all this crap that I'm tempted to just give up on everything even if it means living on the streets it's got to be better than where I am now
http://survivinganti...re/#entry257333

20yrs on and off many ADs last stretch was 8-10yrs on fluoxetine 40mg daily
Cold turkey since December 2015 after a traumatic event in my wife's life
Depersonalisation episodes
Depression
Panic attacks
Anxiety
Diazepam Propranolol 40mg x3 daily for 2 months tried tapering made me ill so cold turkey
Now loosing everyone that ever mattered to me

I don't know who or what I am no more ....... or even if I want to be

#445 hereinWI

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Posted 18 November 2016 - 11:07 AM

I am new here. Married to my wife for almost seven years now.

 

I knew she took effexor xr when we got married but I had no idea that she was on 225 mg a day with prescriptions being filled by her general practitioner. After reading quite a bit here and elsewhere it is a common occurrence apparently. First couple of years we were married everything was relatively normal. I gained two wonderful kids in the marriage and 5 years ago we had own own child with another that followed just a couple of years ago.

 

My wife has always been what I say is just "her being her" great mom, brilliant at her job, etc but she has always had a complete inability to keep any kind of disciplined schedule. She would work until exhaustion and would spend any free moment sleeping or she would stay up late at night with insomnia online shopping or posting on facebook.

 

Resentment over what I thought was her lack of ownership of being part of a household has caused both of us to break away from each other on an emotional level although at times I thought we were definitely doing better. 

 

we both agree that things started falling apart after the birth of our first child and slowly we began to erode as a loving couple. I am not without faults in this. I have not cheated or done anything on an individual level that would destroy a marriage but I have definitely put up walls because of these last set of years. 

 

Starting last October my wife started going out drinking a lot more than she ever had. She did not have a physical affair but she did tell me she was having an emotional one with someone who had taken my place when it came to going out etc (mind you I still had no idea of what effexor was really all about)

 

There's plenty more in between then and now, but when I got to the end of my rope just 3 weeks ago I was directed to take a very long and hard look at effexor. It was then that I started doing research and reading blogs about side effects and other concerns (the possibility of bi-polarism) that I got incredibly scared. Take the physical side effects experienced on Effexor and its a list of things I've had my wife complain about. Heightened emotional/psych side effects are also present. For a few of these you're supposed to call your doctor immediately and when I mentioned this she brushed it off. I know that her closest friend had no idea that she was on Effexor. When she told me last week she was already self weening it only got me more concerned because she was dropping 75mg at a time without even talking to even her GP. 

 

Is there one specific thing that woke your you or your loved one up to the real danger of this drug? I've dealt with it this long and it may not make a lot of sense but the anger and resentment I feel has been replaced by trying to figure out how to get her to see a psychiatrist or more qualified profession MD without destroying the marriage.

 

Just typing this out has helped me.

 

Thanks



#446 MattUK

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Posted 18 November 2016 - 11:48 AM

Well my marriage is over so all I'll say is if you don't want to end up in my situation take her to the gp and tell him
http://survivinganti...re/#entry257333

20yrs on and off many ADs last stretch was 8-10yrs on fluoxetine 40mg daily
Cold turkey since December 2015 after a traumatic event in my wife's life
Depersonalisation episodes
Depression
Panic attacks
Anxiety
Diazepam Propranolol 40mg x3 daily for 2 months tried tapering made me ill so cold turkey
Now loosing everyone that ever mattered to me

I don't know who or what I am no more ....... or even if I want to be

#447 sadandconfused

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Posted 19 November 2016 - 05:43 AM

I feel very similar to many people on here. I feel like Lexapro Withdrawl has ruined my life. I started taking 10 mg of Lexapro August 2015 and about a month on them I met the most amazing man. I was so ridiculously head over heels in love with him. I loved him so so much. Nine months on the pills I didn't think I needed them anymore and stupidly quit cold turkey. I woke up a few weeks later feeling like all my love for him was gone. Without any warning, or anything. That was 4 months ago and it's just getting worse. I too have had thoughts about having feelings for other guys but I think it's part of my intrusive/obsessive thoughts. I literally feel like my life is over. I cannot eat, I have no motivation, I just wanna sleep this away. 5 months ago I was the happiest, luckiest girl in the world who couldn't wait to marry the love of my life. The whole nine months with him could not have been a lie :( I just want this to be over. And from what I hear is time is the only thing that will heal this
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.
Reinstated 5 mg of Lexapro November 2016. I took 5 mg for 3 months and now I'm tapering 10% every month.

#448 TeaBea

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Posted 19 November 2016 - 08:36 AM

HereinWI:   Does the increased drinking coincide with the start of her self-taper?  If she's been on it as long, and as high a dose, as it sounds, she really needs a long, slow taper to keep from experiencing more problems (and unless you get a doctor who knows this, you won't get any help there).  My husband was able to take larger drops early on, but it got MUCH more difficult as it went on.  Withdrawal difficulties might make her want (or need) to go back up on the med unless she's totally committed to getting off it.  

 

My husband also experienced "bi-polar" at different points--looking back, he was awfully manic for a few months at the start of Effexor, and towards the end when he had a dose increase, and again at different points in his withdrawal.  He never told his doctor (thank goodness, or he'd be on other meds!).  I don't see how that can be properly diagnosed while ON a psych med (or going on or off one).  

 

How did you know to take a look at Effexor?  Glad you found some answers, but sorry you have to be here.  Good luck to you both.  Just remember, this "condition" she finds herself in is not of her making.  Of course, that doesn't make it any easier for you to deal with, but I don't think she would've chosen to be this way could she but have a choice in the matter.  I know my husband wouldn't have chosen it. It takes a lot of patience to watch them deal with this and a lot of tongue-biting.  



#449 hereinWI

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Posted 19 November 2016 - 01:03 PM

Tea thanks for answering. She has not increased drinking she was just doonga lot more of it last year. She has repeatedly talked about how she needs to leave this marriage and the kids will have to deal with the fallout.

Was directed onto the Effexor trail by my mother who looked into it when I mentioned marriage problems and my wife swinging from up to down. I never knew before then what this drug could be doing to her. She basically spent the last set of months purposely staying away or coming home late from get together or work she was doing to get an idea of what it was like not to have kids 24/7.

She is fully confident in her judgement that the drug has nothing to do with her behavior over the last year. Her doctor never called me back after I called in a panic last week after a neurologist I know said she's got get off this stuff immediately.

4 kids and a marriage in the balance.

#450 sadandconfused

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Posted 29 November 2016 - 09:16 AM

Can anyone tell me honestly if they got their feelings back and how long it took? I fell madly in love with my boyfriend while on lexapro. I loved him more than I ever thought I could love something. And then I quit lexapro 10 mg cold turkey and a month later I felt nothing. It's been almost 5 months and I can't help but get discouraged. I reinstated 5 mg lexapro so I'm praying that will help but I just don't know. He's tired of waiting, but I think I still have a ways to go. I cannot feel anything :( has anyone fallen in love on pills and felt like you fell out of love during withdrawal? I can't take it anymore :(
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.
Reinstated 5 mg of Lexapro November 2016. I took 5 mg for 3 months and now I'm tapering 10% every month.

#451 Konjo

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Posted 01 December 2016 - 05:45 AM

Can anyone tell me honestly if they got their feelings back and how long it took? I fell madly in love with my boyfriend while on lexapro. I loved him more than I ever thought I could love something. And then I quit lexapro 10 mg cold turkey and a month later I felt nothing. It's been almost 5 months and I can't help but get discouraged. I reinstated 5 mg lexapro so I'm praying that will help but I just don't know. He's tired of waiting, but I think I still have a ways to go. I cannot feel anything :( has anyone fallen in love on pills and felt like you fell out of love during withdrawal? I can't take it anymore :(

 

Sadandconfused. Some years ago I collected online stories of SSRI users that lost their feelings toward their spouses. Here is a link:

 

https://drive.google...HdUluN2sAidGfzg
 



#452 MattUK

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Posted 02 December 2016 - 03:21 PM

I feel the odd one out here I've not lost the love for my wife but she has for me ..... and I was the one on the pills but even tho I hadn't lost the love I couldn't find the words or show her how much she meant or means and wanted other sexual things that has pushed her away

Sadnconfused

That's one impressive list ..... sad but impressive
http://survivinganti...re/#entry257333

20yrs on and off many ADs last stretch was 8-10yrs on fluoxetine 40mg daily
Cold turkey since December 2015 after a traumatic event in my wife's life
Depersonalisation episodes
Depression
Panic attacks
Anxiety
Diazepam Propranolol 40mg x3 daily for 2 months tried tapering made me ill so cold turkey
Now loosing everyone that ever mattered to me

I don't know who or what I am no more ....... or even if I want to be

#453 btdt

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Posted 02 December 2016 - 04:27 PM

 

Can anyone tell me honestly if they got their feelings back and how long it took? I fell madly in love with my boyfriend while on lexapro. I loved him more than I ever thought I could love something. And then I quit lexapro 10 mg cold turkey and a month later I felt nothing. It's been almost 5 months and I can't help but get discouraged. I reinstated 5 mg lexapro so I'm praying that will help but I just don't know. He's tired of waiting, but I think I still have a ways to go. I cannot feel anything :( has anyone fallen in love on pills and felt like you fell out of love during withdrawal? I can't take it anymore :(

 

Sadandconfused. Some years ago I collected online stories of SSRI users that lost their feelings toward their spouses. Here is a link:

 

https://drive.google...HdUluN2sAidGfzg
 

 

I found one of my old posts on your list

 

"

 

Former SSRI user - btd

Mississauga, Canada

 

If she stays off the drugs she will heal in spite of herself and in spite of admitting the drugs had any part in her choices. I would not be surprised to see this early on but she may take a look once she is down the road some and see it differently. For some reason people are strongly resistant to thinking a drug could affect them so strongly. Nobody wants to believe we have been controlled so well by a drug it messes with who we are as human being and our free will which we have been lead to believe is a human right innately out of reach of manipulation. Sadly this is exactly my experience with these drugs. There is some part of me yet that wants to believe it is not possible even tho I know better... I don't want it to be true. Even tho the evidence it clear in illegal as well as legal drugs we all resist it. Those of us changed the most even seem to resist the idea the most. Sadly even when we crash and burn we want to still believe it was our own doing. Pride? Sense of self? I can't quite figure out what the bases of the resistance is but I do know it is strong... almost life or death. Ego maybe tho I don't understand the term that well. At the end of the day it is a big hurdle to get beyond but once it is crossed there is a new respect for everything human.... for the parts of us that are suppose to be sacred ground but aren't. A new fear too of where we are headed as a species. Some have known this for eons the ones that pull the string the rest of us have never been to the table on this issue as we were basically unaware not affected in huge numbers(illegal drug addicts were a minority but that is changing now)... now that these legal variety of this type of drugs is playing such a huge roll in the development of our world.

 

I wonder how long it will take for this issue to come to the table of the general population. The 2004 hearing attempted to address some of these issues the suicide in kids from these drugs... that was 30 years after the fact of knowing about it... so maybe in another 30 years this issue will come to the table and be up for discussion.

 

In one of the books I read Breggin Healy not sure which they talked about the 30 year timeline of a drug being on the market for the truth to become known. It is called after market research. Docotors are paid to put people on these drugs and report back.. and no they don't tell you they are doing this and making extra money of the report they make.

But when a drug changes your consciousness to the level these ones do that your unaware of a change... or an effect... how long does that take to get to the light of day... when the actual people taking the drug are unaware of the effect? Could it be never?

I think it possible for this effect to never get to the light of day and the very sad thing is that condemns How many other people to go thru this. NOW THAT BOTHERS ME. Yet I have no real power to do much about it.

 

When the effect of the drug can go unknown like this and the people taking the drug are resistant to the facts ... healing is so long... if ever... is it possible.. this could go on forever? With the folks like your seeing the difference more than the ones taking the drug is this the avenue that must play a part to bring this to light? maybe the only way"

 

It is odd to read something I wrote years ago when I was truly struggling with these issues... tho it has some spelling mistakes ect it is still as true today as the day I wrote it. 

 

Now I have multiple chemical sensitivities something that came up years ago smells made me sick.. when I first stopped taking effexor at the time I thought it was part of withdrawal after I learned there was withdrawal... that was a secret I discovered about 10 years ago. 

 

What I find odd is I was given prozac in 89 or 90 for a wk or 2 and went nuts and stopped... after I stopped I seemed to be sick and tired all the time... eventually getting dx with chronic fatigue/ fibromyalgia... at the time I did not join the dots but now I think it had something to do with the prozac. 

Ps I was given the prozac to treat pain in my leg I was not crazy or depressed or any of those things we think prozac treats. I became all those things we think prozac treats after taking prozac for a couple of wks... I have come to learn I had a serious adverse reaction and withdrawal with drug on a couple of years till I ended up in a pain clinic with a huge sleep disorder to add to my pain crazy fatigue. 

I know this is a bit around the horn in the telling but bare with me... I recently was dx with the multiple chemical sensitivity which for me brings a movement disorder... when I was at the environmental medicine clinic getting my diagnosis I picked up a pamphlet ... about fibro chronic fatigue a Dr Joseph E Huggins diagnositic treatment model and consultant states these disorders are treated by fixing the serotonin receptors... so there is that.... seems he thinks serotonin breaks them.... 

 

now the real ass kicker... 

a new book out 12000 canaries can't be wrong not exactly new but new to me.... people with mcs are now called canaries like canaries that die in the coal  mine cause there is too much gas in the mine.... now he says fibro chronic fatigue and multiple chemical sensitivities are the same thing at varying stages.... 

 

so here I am 9 years off the drugs and this is my new dx.. what a bag of ****... I was drugged for 18 years so don't everybody panic thinking you or your loved one is going to get all this there is supposedly some genetic contributor too... not able to detox drugs as well as other or something... 

 

I just thought I would tell you all... 

 

if you or your loved one start having problems with smells making them sick get to the mcs sites and learn how to avoid and detox... 

 

it has been a long time a life time.. 

wishing you all peace


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivinganti...ng-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)


#454 btdt

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Posted 02 December 2016 - 04:31 PM

You know I would feel bad if anyone did not know the basics if smells start to bother you get some good vit C and take it morning and night... that is a start throw out the bounce use vinegar to rinse your clothes throw our all things that smell ... then look at SA for posts on mcs... I made some they contain links

peace


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivinganti...ng-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)


#455 Marsha

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Posted 02 December 2016 - 08:02 PM

There has only been one one time in my life that I have felt the tremendous weight of the grief that I am experiencing now. I have avoided this topic up until now because I did not want to face the reality of it. I do believe I may die of a broken heart. I cannot even allow my husband of 36 years to wrap his loving arms around me and comfort me. My precious love for him is gone. We have been through many trials and faced them with a three fold cord, but this, no this is more than I can bear. I can find no solice.
Hashimotos 1988 started on levothyroxine. .1994-2012 all the different kinds of antidepressants. 1997 xanax 1.5 klonopin 2006. Geodon started 2003 160 mgs. Many neuroleptics. Seems like l have been on everything. gabapentin 1800 mg 2013 librium 75 mg then 60mg 5/15 Tapered trazodone from October 2014 450 mgs to march 2015 0 mgs. Geodon reduced from 80 mg 8/2014 to 0 12/19/15. switched to 3 mgs of clonazepam 11/15. 12/16 2 mg clonazepam. Currently 1.88 mg clonazepam 845 mg gabapentin. 88 mcg levothyroxine 10 mcg liothyronine. Tapered prevacid 8/16 after 6 six years use. Supplements:D3 2000 iu. Digestive enzymes, probiotic. No gluten, sugar, dairy. Eating nutrient dense foods to promote healing. Gentle daily walks in the fresh air.

#456 Marsha

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Posted 03 December 2016 - 06:18 AM

I am not giving up. I know I will feel love for my husband again soon.
Hashimotos 1988 started on levothyroxine. .1994-2012 all the different kinds of antidepressants. 1997 xanax 1.5 klonopin 2006. Geodon started 2003 160 mgs. Many neuroleptics. Seems like l have been on everything. gabapentin 1800 mg 2013 librium 75 mg then 60mg 5/15 Tapered trazodone from October 2014 450 mgs to march 2015 0 mgs. Geodon reduced from 80 mg 8/2014 to 0 12/19/15. switched to 3 mgs of clonazepam 11/15. 12/16 2 mg clonazepam. Currently 1.88 mg clonazepam 845 mg gabapentin. 88 mcg levothyroxine 10 mcg liothyronine. Tapered prevacid 8/16 after 6 six years use. Supplements:D3 2000 iu. Digestive enzymes, probiotic. No gluten, sugar, dairy. Eating nutrient dense foods to promote healing. Gentle daily walks in the fresh air.

#457 sadandconfused

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Posted 03 December 2016 - 06:04 PM

Thank all of you so much for your replies. I think a large part of my problem was quitting cold turkey. Life was going so well and I just didn't think I needed pills anymore and just quit taking them after 9 months of 10 mg everyday. I lost feelings after about a month of quitting. It's like I woke up one morning and my life had completely changed. I know most people have lost feelings from the lexapro but I've heard the same thing can happen during withdrawl so I pray that this will get better. I suffered through 4 painful months of feeling nothing and then I started getting random unwanted thoughts and obsessions about other guys and I became suicidal. I went to bed several nights in a row praying to not wake up. So I went to my doctor and reinstated 5 mg of lexapro. I did not want to get back on them at all but I felt like I had no other choice. I'm going to taper off very slow after a few weeks and pray to God that I get my feelings for my boyfriend back. We moved in together about 3 months before the loss of feelings and I've never been happier. The fact that I can't feel anything now kills me. I'm so sorry to all the couples who have been on either side of this. It's awful. Out of all the hardships we experience in this life, I had never in a million years thought I'd lose feelings for someone I loved so dearly. I hope every single one of us gets better.
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.
Reinstated 5 mg of Lexapro November 2016. I took 5 mg for 3 months and now I'm tapering 10% every month.

#458 Mermaid17

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Posted 15 December 2016 - 06:28 AM

Right now my husband of 10 years and the love of my life is initiating the process of ending a marriage within weeks of us having our third baby. He upped his prescription of Lexapro in the spring to avoid electroconvulsive therapy and has not been the same since. He waited until the baby was born to tell me he no longer had feelings for me. I am convinced he is experiencing side effects from the Lexapro that have made it impossible for him to stay in love with me. Can anyone offer any help? Any hope? I actually suspect that this is been brewing within him since he stopped going off his antidepressants with any consistency about five years ago. But he was able to hang in there in this marriage until the spring when he went on this high dose of Lexapro.

Has anyone had a similar experience and managed to realize what was happening prior to coming off the medication causing the problem to begin with? Right now he refuses to consider changing his medication. He is bipolar depressive and incredibly probe to catatonic depression. The ECT is the only thing that has ever given him any long-term stability.

#459 sadandconfused

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 01:51 PM

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. I definitely think this could be related to the Lexapro. From everything I've read, I do think he will realize the medication is causing this, I just think it may take some time. He will realize he is not himself. Lexapro is such a strong medication and I'm dealing with awful withdrawl right now including not being able to feel love for my amazing boyfriend. I know it's been just awful, but I know I will feel love again, just like your husband will for you but he needs to taper off the meds. I know it's easier said than done but I have a link that might be helpful that shares tons of stories about relationships and marriages having problems because of this awful drug. If he sees all the effects and heartache it's caused people and proof of it, maybe he will consider tapering. Best of luck to you. <3
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.
Reinstated 5 mg of Lexapro November 2016. I took 5 mg for 3 months and now I'm tapering 10% every month.

#460 sadandconfused

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 01:53 PM

.
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.
Reinstated 5 mg of Lexapro November 2016. I took 5 mg for 3 months and now I'm tapering 10% every month.

#461 Mermaid17

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 05:10 PM

Thank you for that sad and confused. Can you send the link? I feel like I found just about every support group or online resources related to this issue but I'd love for this to be something new. Every time I find something new it affirms my instincts. He has been on this dose of Lexapro for approximately eight months now. Is that enough time to realize he's not himself?

#462 sadandconfused

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Posted 17 December 2016 - 05:13 AM

You're very welcome. I don't know why it's not letting me post the link directly but if you scroll about 8 messages up its highlighted in blue. It helped me realize how bad these pills actually are. And yes 8 months is definitely long enough for them to cause some kind of personality change or for his feelings to be dulled. Also if he does consider tapering, just please try and tell him to NOT quit cold turkey. I stopped cold turkey 6 months ago and It's been very tough. I cannot wait to feel love for my boyfriend again. <\3 I really hope your husband will consider tapering after reading these stories. Best of luck to you <3
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.
Reinstated 5 mg of Lexapro November 2016. I took 5 mg for 3 months and now I'm tapering 10% every month.

#463 Dawood

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Posted 31 January 2017 - 03:41 PM

Hi to all,

 
First post here as a new member. Thank goodness for the internet and all-seeing power of Google which brought me here! I finally feel like I am not imagining things and am not alone in having these medications almost end a decade plus long marriage, while I witness how they have changed my wife. It is currently severely on the rocks, no matter what I try to do.
 
Just reading your comments, the support given and experiences has already made me feel so much stronger and convinced of what is happening.
 
An overview of my situation - sorry for the length but thought it best to be specific:
 
We have been married over 12 years now, and have 2 boys aged 3 1/2 and 2. We knew each other long-distance for about 5 years prior to marriage, and spoke every day multiple times. My wife is from a background of childhood trauma (domestic violence and emotional abuse) but only (finally!) went to a counsellor after our second child was born. She suffered Postnatal depression after the first, but I was working from home so helped her a lot with that by essentially being the primary carer of the baby for an extended period. With the second, I was working full-time away from home so not around as much though provided primary care oround work. She had severe PND with the second, so went to counselling. They placed her on medication for the first time ever: 100 mg of Eleva (Zolof), which she was on for about a year, but was very lethargic from it. She has always been a fitness fanatic, so they changed her to 50 mg of Pristiq (Effexor) 6 months ago as it did not have the same lethargic effect. It allowed her to get back into her training, which we both thought was great.
 
Well, since that approximate 6 month period, the following has happened:
 
- I don't love you anymore / I've not loved you for years / I've never loved you
- We're more like flatmates / brother and sister than lovers and partners
- I need space to find myself and be free
- We don't have anything in common
- I want to separate / divorce
- She 'developed a crush' / or actually cheated on me with a male friend she was helping train as a personal trainer (evidence suggests it may have been more than just a crush)
- Osscilations between wanting to separate and not for utilitarian reasons (not feelings)
- Seeing me completely break down in front of her and our children, and literally feeling nothing, nor react at all
- She has gone from wearing her heart on her sleeve to being absolutely flat and uncaring towards me, often times being really derisive and rude/argumentative
 
Even prior to that, there was definitely emotional blunting taking place on the Eleva.
 
Just to give some background: Both of us had to struggle for many years for her family to accept her choice to get to know and marry me, and even after our marriage faced a lot of family stigma which we hard to work past together. It was a conscious decision and uphill battle from both of us to make a go of things and build a life together, which we were finally getting happy with. We bought a house a year before our first son came along, and decided we wanted another child.
 
Everyone who has known us in the last 12 years considered us a great match ('perfect for each other') and so on, and a really strong, stable couple. Yes, we had arguments and issues flared from time to time as they do in marriage (and especially when someone has unresolved childhood trauma), but by and large, we were inseperable from each other. I've done nothing but completely support my wife in any and all aspects of her life, e.g. when she decided that she no longer liked her job and wanted to change career to her childhood dream. This entailed an almost 50% wage cut, but we worked hard to allow her to succeed in this.
 
Now, just to give some other information: she did admit to cheating on me once way back in 2008, but was extremely remorseful, devastated and shocked by her action. Basically, from what I can tell, she had been played by a seasoned player, who took advantage of her naivity (she is from a very socially conservative family) and her need for validation (self esteem issues due to emotional abuse growing up). She is from a religious family, so it is completely out of character and something she knows is morally wrong.
 
However, this time, I noticed her behaviour change suddenly around 5 months ago and immediately called her out on it. How she dressed, spending an inordinate amount of time on her phone, going out a lot more 'with her sister' than usual, and so on. I asked her flat out 'Are you cheating on me?' (as I said I would after last time), and her immediate response was 'I think we need to separate.' That was in late October. She had absolutely no feelings at all regarding the situation, and definitely no remorse or empathy as to what I was going through. She went back to watching Netflix whilst I was numb, in shock, and then had a breakdown.
 
A little while after that, she told me that her counsellor was telling her that she needed 'space' to rediscover herself and find out who she is now, and so on.
 
By December, we had agreed to take the week off work before Christmas to spend together fully as both kids were in childcare. We had planned a number of activities during that time. But on the 19th, the first day of our leave, I dropped the kids off and rushed home to prepare to for our trip out. As soon as I had walked in the door, she sat me down and said 'Listen, we need to talk. You need to move out as we are separating.' Cold as ice. No empathy or understanding, or emotional investment.
 
I spent that week looking for apartments, and moved out on December 28. That night - the first night I have slept on my own without at least my eldest son beside me co-sleeping in 3 years - was like being in solitary confinement, or hell. The next day I was also on my own, and had a complete breakdown, panic attack etc. She called me on the phone when I said I was having a breakdown and asked me to come over. But there was no empathy or understanding at all. Just cold, and she knew that seeing the kids would help me.
 
She and our boys spent New Year's Eve at my apartment as you could see the fireworks from there, but besides that was cold as ice towards me still.
 
A marriage counsellor suggested that she could still have 'space' whilst we lived together in the same house, so I am now in the process of moving back in, as I've been spending most of my time there anyway with the kids.
 
She has moments where she says things, e.g. 'I've always said you're such a great father' and so on, but she does not want any physical contact at all, nor any 'imtimacy'. In her mind you can still have sex without being intimate in any way. And it seems completely reasonable to her.
 
It's a very convoluted and difficult situation, but since reading the accounts of you all, it has given me hope.
 
I have broached the subject with her and she has told me that she wants to come off the medication anyway, so discussed with her prescribing psych and is going through a weaning process starting this week.
 
I am really hopefuly that there will be some noticeable change in a few months from now, and that it has not been a permanent change. She is willing to 'try' it, but is not entirely convinced that it's the medication that is the cause of her change of feelings; this is even though so many of the narratives I shared with her mirror ours so closely.
 
Apologies once again for the length of my (first ever) post, but I just wanted to say thank you to you all again and wish you all the very best.
 
Dawood

My wife's medication and withdrawal process:

-----------------------------

 

July-December 2015 (approx):     Eleva (Zoloft) 50 mg

January-July 2016 (approx):         Eleva (Zoloft) 100 mg

July 2016-February 2017:              Pristiq (desvenlafaxine) 50 mg

 

Introductory post: http://tinyurl.com/gqwpglf


#464 dewayne76

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 08:36 PM

I'm sorry to see you here. I rarely come back, for some reason I logged on tonight just before going to bed. I have a story here, called "Dewayne's Story" or something like that. My best advice? Run. I'm sorry, but after searching with rose colored glasses and having high hopes of seeing more successful turn around stories than "bad endings" I have decided, the absolute best thing for someone in your situation, is to accept that your best friend, your mate, your lover, your partner, is no longer the same PERSON.... they are absolutely, 100% someone else now. 

It's like quicksand, (you know that stuff we saw on tv as kids and thought we were going to face a tragic end one day to it?) the more you fight, the worse it gets. I'm not only talking about fighting with your ex, but I'm talking about fighting with yourself! You know, the one between what you think you want to do and what you should do. Accept it, pack it up, and move on. Rough, short and ever so bitter-sweet. The faster you grieve, the faster you get over it, the faster you move on, the sooner you can find peace and happiness once again. 

I am willing to bed, that if truth be known, less than 5% of stories end happy... and even then, most of them are hellacious fights that you probably wouldn't want to go through if knowing how rough it would be prior to engaging. It's not a cold heart I say this with, even if that seems to be the case in your perspective, however, it is only knowledge and experience that drives this. I wish you well, I truly do. I wish things would turn out great for you and will keep positive thoughts on it... but it is what it is. This is not a flu, this is not a bell ache, this is not something that's going to get better with any sort of short time. We're talking years... YEARS! to get over and completely move on... once that is acknowledged, you can start on the right path. 

Get well, get healthy and stay focused... don't lose sight of things. Keep your hobbies, if you don't have one, find one. Keep occupied and keep VOICING OUTLOUD (not just mentally / internally, say it out loud while facing the mirror every single time you brush your teeth or whatever)... say "It's time to move on. It's time for my next chapter to begin". 

Good luck to you... but trust me, move on. See, if you do, and take this preemptive strike... IF SOMETHING DOES turn around with your partner, it'll be better, there will be a stronger you there, instead of a broken human being needing pieces glued back together... ask Humpty Dumpty, it's better to be whole. 

Take care. 



#465 Lee2367

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Posted 27 March 2017 - 05:28 AM

Well I am a husband that has a wife that was in lexapro 10 mg for about 5 months. She began taking it in November 2015. She never told me she went to a Dr for her depression and anxiety and that she started taking the medication. By the way I am a registered nurse. I noticed a change in November immediately, my birthday is in November and my wife always remembered my birthday. We have been together for 18 years. When my birthday had arrived she did not get me a gift or tell me happy birthday. I was shocked and blown away. This is unlike her. My wife is a caring and very honest person, I repeat honest.

Well during the month of December I noticed she got very irritable at times and would get angry. She was normally mellow person and never lashed out. I figured she was just stressed about her job so I just felt I should let her vent. During the end of December she quite her job saying she had enough and quite without having a job already lined up. Her job was a bit stressful anyways but she had been their for years. I figured she I'll be supportive and be their for her.

January came and my wife was not working. Days past and she began to go on walks early in the morning that lasted 1-2 hours maybe more. I figured she was trying to start a healthy life style. She would go like 3 times a week then it increased to 5-6 days a week. She also started going out with her friends more which she rarely did. She seemed like she was happy and I felt like hey she's working out and going out she's enjoying life more know but I felt somewhat distant from her. I figured if she's happy then I'm happy and won't stress it.

Well a few months went by and in April I went to work and as I was leaving work she called me and said she was somewhere and not to ask where and that our children, 2 boys, where with her mothers. I get off work at 11 pm. So I was like ok, went and got my kids and went home still very concerned about her but she had always been a good wife so I did it worry. The following day she told me she had went out on a date and gotten drunk and stayed at a hotel with some guy. I was furious, stunned and shocked. She told me she was not in love with me anymore and wanted to separated.

We separated, meanwhile I was still in shock wondering what was going on. I mean we had disagreements like any married couple but I didn't think it was that serious. I didn't want to uproot my kids so they remains in our home and we did nesting with our kids. I stayed with them on certain days as did she. When I was not with them I stayed at my mothers and she got an apartment 50 miles away close to where the guy she cheated on me with.

Over the next few months I became very discouraged wonder what was going on. I felt like I was part of some movie. I knew something was wrong with my wife so I did some digging and found out that she started taking lexapro and by this time she was on 20 mg and that she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety . I was so upset. Something so serious and she refused to share the information with me, especially with me being a RN.

I began doing research and found this website along with others. I was blown away. They didn't teach me anything about this in nursing school. I was shocked. I eventually convinced her to get off the mess and she did. She said she felt different but didn't want to say anything. Oh she found a job in late April also.

So I eventually learned that she was on dating websites when she was out of work and taking with random men for hours when she went out for walks in the Morning. Their where at least 5-7 different men she was talking to and having sex with. My heart was being torn apart. Even thought she was of the meds she was still acting strange. She started neglecting our children and her family also and this started in April. My children started to feel it also. Their grades started to slip and they started acting out. Her family just said she was going through a hard time with the separation. I tried to tell her family but they just wrote me off.

Around September I got tired of trying to wait for her to come around to her normal self and began to start my own life with my children. I began to sell our house, separate anything that was joint and started to fill for full custody for my boys. I decided to work in myself also. I was going to the gym, I stopped smoking, and started going to therapy. Things started to look up for me. Oh my wife throughout this time was apparently after getting off lexapro slipping back to a more depressed and anxious state. She started going into debt.

One day I gave her one last shot before going through my separation phase with her, I wanted my family whole so I invited her to go to a therapy session with me. She did and it's now October. She stared taking a different SSRI in late September, Zoloft 100mg because she her depression and anxiety came back with a force. She began coming back around and was more like herself even though she was takin Zoloft for a few weeks.

We eventually got back together. We are in the same home, our children are much better and their grades are A's and B's. They are not acting out anymore. We are still in therapy couples and individual. Their is more information and things that happens through this crisis but to much to tell.

It's march 2017 and we are doing well. But I still have some concerns. I wonder if her being on Zoloft will affect her in the near future. It makes me a bit nervous. Will she ever get off it but it seems to work so far but she is still not the person she use to be. Her past actions still plague me, and I want to know what was she thinking and what to what extent did her uninhibited actions take her. She hates taking about it and she says some thing she doesn't remember.

I am happy currently but I have questions and concerns still. I have good and bad days. She hates for me to bring it up though. Am I wrong to want to talk about it. Am I wrong to express to her how I was hurt. Am I wrong to want to tell her how upset I am with her actions . Am I wrong to want her to eventually stop taking Zoloft. I honestly don't know . I like having a therapist also but it would be nice to get some input and be able to vent to others in the same situation. Thanks.

#466 TeaBea

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Posted 27 March 2017 - 09:13 AM

Hi Lee.  First off, I'm so sorry you have to be here at all, but glad you know you're not alone in going through something like this.  

 

It IS hard to trust anyone after something like that.  And, if meds were involved in it, and she's STILL on a med, I think it's only natural to worry about it happening again.  My husband was on Effexor for 6+ years before I figured out it was the meds that had changed him.  He's almost off (VERY slow taper; from high dose of 187.5 mg down to approx. 9 mg), and he mostly changed back to his original self.  However, his HIGH anxiety is also back, and it's getting harder for him to cope at work.  I feel badly for him, and know that it might come down to another med, but I'm TERRIFIED of that.  I worry that it could make him worse than he was before.  As far as I know, his indiscretions were just "inappropriate behavior" (but there is a time period where I have no idea of his activities), total apathy towards me, and turning into an alcoholic who couldn't tell when he was getting a buzz any longer.  Eight years of that was enough.  

 

I read somewhere that the mind doesn't like incomplete "pictures".  It wants a complete picture to file away.  An event (such as infidelity) where you only have a few pieces of the puzzle aren't easily dealt with by the mind that seeks to know all the answers so it can be filed away.  There are a few things that happened which my mind routinely trots out to analyze.  I imagine all kinds of scenarios, but because I don't know the real one, I can't fit that puzzle neatly together.  I toss it back inside the box until the next time something comes up that reminds me of it, and there I go, dragging it back out to dwell on.  It's mentally exhausting.  Maybe your therapist can help you with this?  I think it's only natural.  I desperately just want to talk to my husband about some things. Yes it might be hard for him, but it was no picnic for me while sh*t was happening.  I think if we had a safe way of communicating where he could understand my need to KNOW some things maybe he wouldn't think I'm just looking to make him feel bad.  

 

It's a two-way street.  I wish our spouses could see that we hurt, too.  We need to be able to talk about it.  After all, we endured a lot because of their behavior, even if it was the fault of meds and not their conscious decision to be that way.  They should understand how lucky they are to have us in their corners!  

 

So, NO, you're not wrong to want to talk about it.  It's natural.  It's how every other spouse would feel.  However, imagine her position.  She's probably ashamed of what she did.  If she's still on meds, maybe they keep her from realizing (or being able to care) the full extent of what she did.  Hubby said that while on meds, he never considered anything he did as "bad" or inappropriate.  If he did, he said he couldn't muster the desire to care one way or the other.  There were certain conversations we had when he was still under Effexor's influence where it was like arguing with a 2-yr-old.  I could not reason with him.  I didn't understand it then but can now.  It's like I could literally hold the truth about something in my hands out in front of me, and he could look me in the eye and deny its existence.  And he could believe himself.  Weird, and scary.  

 

When the medicated spouse is feeling overwhelmed with it all, it's probably best not to add to their misery with your own.  I so want mine to care, but I do realize how miserable his is sometimes, and if I want our marriage to work, how can I make him worse, you know?  I know that just 3 years ago I'd have killed to be in the position I am today with him, so whenever I get upset with all the suppressed hurt, I remind myself of that.  

 

I think the ideal setting (for me, anyway) would be to have a mediator and for us to both talk and get things off our chests.  Hubby feels, though, that it would just be for piling-on him.  To tell him all the ways he's "failed", etc.  I guess in a way, it is what I want.  I don't know how to word it any differently.  

 

I see you are in couple's therapy.  Can you try to get to this point via that kind of session?  How it would help if you could tell her so  she knew what you'd gone through, too?  How you won't stand for that again, so if you want to save your family, SHE also needs to put forth some "forgiveness".  Remind her that your anger/hurt over what you've had to go through with her actions is no different than her anger when you bring up touchy subjects.  It all needs to be dealt with and not swept under the rug.  That little pile of dirt grows and grows, and before long it takes up the whole room.  

 

So I'm curious--did you not know your wife was anxious or depressed leading up to being prescribed the meds?  Of course, it's something many people hide (like myself), but did she really need meds?  These meds are way over-prescribed, especially for mild cases.  The potential for harm, in my book, makes it not worth it.  How quickly did she taper the Lexapro?  Maybe her depression/anxiety that necessitated Zoloft was "just" withdrawal from Lexapro.  

 

Good luck to you both!

Tea