Geminigirl: Hope for Healing

[primrose]

Hi

 

When I was tapering, I felt at times I would never get off the stuff but I did, two lots of meds.

I'm kinda tapering at the moment, but I do it so slow and over so long a time as to not notice wd symptoms, not to say they won't come, I would just adjust the dose back up and regroup should wds come.

It dead easy to say we will never get off but we do, we just have to be patient. Ive seen a lot of people get off a lot off stuff, and we all get there in the end.

Hang in there.

[geminigirl]

Thank you primrose

 

XOXOXO

[geminigirl]

Hey

 

Havent posted on here for a long time but I've been lurking. Anyways, about 5 months ago I crashed after too fast of a taper. Since then I updosed to my original dose and have been on it for almost 5 months.

 

I still feel weird though because of the crash from 5 months ago if that's believable. Mainly I get headaches and still have some confusion/brain fog as well as sensitivity to bright lights at night. It seems to have gotten a bit better though, at snail pace.

 

I also have been doing intensive therapy which has helped me a lot and it's made me more aware of myself and my emotions. After getting more in touch with myself, I've realized that this drug has affected me negatively, and not just the withdrawal stuff after the crash. I took this drug for intense anxiety and emotional breakdown back in 2010. I think it helped dull my emotions which is good, but now I want to FEEL everything again since I have got a better handle on my emotions. So now I realized that being still on this stuff has made me feel more dulled. Like I can't even fully feel raindrops on my face which I used to love.

 

I want to be off this ****. If I knew how strong this stuff was and how long it takes to get off it, I wouldn't have taken it. I would have rather smoked weed to relax.

 

Anyways. I'm mad that I feel so weird on these meds and emotional numb in a way. I really hope to stabilize totally and start tapering. I am thinking of starting my taper in September, hopefully a year is enough time to stabilize lol. I want to be as stable as possible before tapering. It just takes a lot of patience and also I feel like I am stuck with a weird brain I can't change for the time being. Also these meds I feel have mad me lose lots of neurons cuz i'm A LOT slower than I used to be and can't remember stuff as well. I can't imagine even being in school now cuz my brain is so fuzzy, and everything even feels fuzzy. Before I couldn't tell I was on a drug, but now I can, the more therapy I am doing and improving. BLAH.

 

Hope I will recover and go back to normal self. It just sucks it will take so much time.

 

Support needed :S Thanks guys.....Or just reassurance is needed

[geminigirl]

Anyone ?

[Martina23]

Hello Geminigirl,

 

I do not know if I help you but I know precisely how you feel. When I originally withdrew from Lyrica, I also thought that the withdrawal would take two weeks, this would be hard and then it would go away. No way! My withdrawal takes already 3 months (I had also to reinstate back for sever withdrawal symptoms) and its always going and going and nothing really changes. However my symptoms are much harder than yours. Harm OCD, intrusive thoughts... I know it is hard to be patient (also for me), but maybe then , once you start tapering, it would be much easier when you dont have such strong symptoms. For this, if you have to wait until september, you have to follow your own feeling if you are prepared and steady enough to face withdrawal again, or ask someone more experienced on this forum. I wish you (and I also believe it) that all of your symptoms will suibside over the time, it is only noone from us knows how long it will take. Believe me it is hard for me too.

[geminigirl]

*post and two replies moved from tapering forum

 

Hi,

 

My name is geminigirl. I have an intro on this forum. I had a really bad crash September 2014. I tried to get past celexa way too quickly after 5 years cuz of the stupid doctor. Then I reinstated again after Septmeber 2014, but it was still really hard to get back to how I was before the crash.

 

Things have been a lot better, and slowly things have been better, but this past week I had a hard stressful week, and I had to use my head a lot. It's very important I have to use my head lately. But then today all of a sudden I got a back withdrawal again. My right eye got fuzzy, very bad brain fog and even amnesia. It was horrible. I have a very hard transition right now in life and I just need my head to work.

 

I still feel some withdrawal again and it was about half an hour or so of amnesia, but I just can't believe it's been so long and I still get withdrawal when I get stressed or need to use my brain a lot. It's ******* not right. What an atrocity these stupid ******* doctors did. Some people need to use their brain, it's important. And I feel like mine is **** ed up, even after 6 months after I have been using the same dose.

Edited March 16, 2015 by Petunia
added note

[RubyTuesday]

Hi Geminigirl, boy I sure can relate! I have had all those symptoms and hey, I need my brain too! who knew? I also was originally guided by doc to tweak my own Prozac up and down by a few milligrams every month with my periods, but boy, I have learned since then that that is a very bad idea. much as I hate weighing out the third decimal point on my digital scale, it is preferable to alternating doses ever, and alternating 10 mg at a time is very disturbing to your nervous system. Whatever you do right now, find one dose and stick to it for at least a month and probably much longer after you do all your research and then make your decision about it. try reading in this forum about slow tapers in the tapering section.  best of luck to you I am sending you lots of prayers and hugs

Ruby

[geminigirl]

I was doing fine, the withdrawal was slowly going away, but its like whenever I am stressed or need to study something, the withdrawal comes back badly. I still cant excersize a lot either.

 

I have been taking 20 mg of celexa for 6 months now, everyday, same time. And ******* withdrawal is still not gone. What the ****.

[Petunia]

geminigirl,

 

I moved the topic you started in the tapering section to your introduction thread here because it was related to your situation and not a question about tapering.  Please add information and updates about your changing circumstances, and ask questions here.

 

I'm sorry you've been thrown into a wave, caused by stress, this happens to a lot of people, after months of being ok, an increase in stress can bring back symptoms for a while.  Do the best you can to relieve the stress, take care of yourself and this will pass.

[geminigirl]

Can someone please reassure me? I want this withdrawal to end. Its been 6 months.

 

I need my brain to be normal and not have horrible headaches.

 

I am going through intensive therapy due to severe depression and I need my brain to work to get better.

 

I feel so depressed about this. I need my brain to work.

[LoveandLight]

I'm in the same boat and I'm sorry..I'm 6 months into reinstating from high dose, fast taper and went to 0.

 

It does take a lot of time..and I'm frustrated and upset..I haven't been functioning really for yrs on this crap..had a strong feeling had to get off to get better..went to the doctor and followed his advice..bad idea. I feel bad cos I'm functioning worse than ever (although having windows of better than I've been for yrs).. So I just think what was the point of all that..it's worse than ever..but if I look back..I've had windows...some people are unable to reinstate and have the full brunt of severe WD..and I've had windows so that is a positive..have you had windows?

 

We just need to wait..we are finally getting good advice here as opposed to what the doctor has recommend..we are healing..although it is slow..I'm frustrated too..I thought I was doing the right thing coming off as per the doc advice..

[geminigirl]

Hey loveandlight, thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it. It does help to know im not alone although I hate other suffering through this **** too.

 

Did you try and reinstate after your fast taper? Did it just not work?

[LoveandLight]

I went to 12.5mg after a week at 0...the week was unbelievable..all the mental symptoms and was stumbling about drunk..talking to myself and shouting constantly..so it eased the drunk ness, delerium..but I maybe did not go up enough but feels too late to change that..I tried to updose recently..and went badly..so I don't feel I have an option but just to sit here..I also cut by 5% in January which was too soon as I still wasn't stable..adhenoia had set in and I just felt omg..I have to start my taper and change something right now..but no..I just needed to hold again..

[RubyTuesday]

Although everyone's individual situation regarding doses and time frames is different, I do think that having a setback due to stress even after having stabilized is probably common, I know that sounds right to me. by way of reassurance I would venture to propose that the setback need not take as long to soothe as the original taper or reduction did, even though it feels when you are in it like just as bad or worse.

[geminigirl]

Hey thanks for replies.

 

Loveandlight- I actually was able to mostly stabilize from my huge crash 6 months ago, but not completely, and it doesn't seem to be getting much better. I still have sensitivity to bright lights at night, occasional headaches, occasional brain fog/confusion/memory loss.

 

Also the side effects of the meds are still affecting me including constant fatigue, memory loss/cognitive decline, and emotional numbness.

 

I hate this **** and want to be off! I feel imprisoned by them now.

 

I am wondering, do people think that my memory problems and cognitive decline is a withdrawal symptom, damage from the drug or a side effect? I have noticed my brain just is not as sharp now as it used to be, even 6 months ago and especially before the SSRIS.

 

Have people regained their full selves back after tapering, including their memory and cognition?

[geminigirl]

Still haven't stabilized after 6 months

 

Seems to get better, then worse. Still get bad headaches, sensitivity to light, extreme fatigue.

 

My CNS really did take a hard hit......Trying to hope I do fully recover and that the CNS just takes a while to recover.

 

I haven't even started tapering yet I'm gonna wait another few months to see if I stabilize some more, maybe another 6 months. I want to feel as good as I can before I start tapering.....

 

But ya, once your CNS is injured, it takes so long to recover

 

We need to work together to get this **** off the market. Or at least find more responsible doctors who don't give it out like candy. I hope  my body knows how to recover then I can throw it in the stupid doctors face.

[Fresh]

You got it right Geminigirl ,  once your cns is injured ,  it takes a long time to recover.

 

You might want to go to  www.RxISK.org and file a free report about the side effects you've experienced from celexa.  This is one way we can all help to fight this on a

higher level.

 

I wish you continued healing ,  Fresh

[geminigirl]

Hey guys just wondering if I should start tapering?

 

It's been almost 7 months of stabilizing. I still have a few symptoms left like fatigue, brain fog, weird perception of bright lights. But I think some of it is also the side effects of the meds.

 

Should I wait a bit longer to stabilize or has it been long enough?

 

Thanks

[geminigirl]

Cuz i'm thinking now, like it will take a long time from my cns to heal, and I don't want to wait another 1 or two years before im fully recovered to start tapering. If I taper slowly enough, 5% then my CNS wont notice probably...right? So might as well start tapering now? Cuz what if my cns doesn't go back to normal until like another 2 years, shouldn't I just start tapering now? Cuz its been 7 months since my crash....

[Altostrata]

What are you doing about your sensitivity to light?

[geminigirl]

Not much really. It's gotten better, just feels weird still.

 

It's not that bad...But it's almost like my vision is weirder than it was before, like I can't concentrate on everything or cant see everything but rather just one point. I can see it all but can't seem to perceive it all if that makes sense.

[geminigirl]

Does anybody know if I should start tapering?

 

Thanks

[geminigirl]

Nobody replied...

[SelmaLady]

I don't know all that much about tapering Celexa but you might want to reduce just a very small amount to see how your system reacts---how are you tapering? 

[Flowers]

Not much really. It's gotten better, just feels weird still.

 

It's not that bad...But it's almost like my vision is weirder than it was before, like I can't concentrate on everything or cant see everything but rather just one point. I can see it all but can't seem to perceive it all if that makes sense.

Hi

 

I have replied to you also on my thread. Thanks for writing to me there.

 

I have these visual problems too. Sometimes I feel I can see things moving slightly that aren't and sometimes it feels like I am looking through a net curtain and can't focus properly.

 

Must be the cit withdrawal - too much of a coincidence for us both to have it!

 

I can't advise on when to taper - I am asking myself the same questions. We are all different I guess. Hopefully a mod will give you some advice soon.

 

Flowers xxx

[geminigirl]

Just wondering if I should finally stop tapering. I think the reason I feel crappy too is just the side effects if the meds. I am mostly stabilized but still get headaches and can't Excersize hard, also a bit of brain fog but that's it.

 

If I start tapering will I feel less numb and more alive? I just feel so blah on these meds like a sleepy zombie and I'm sure that's just the side effects. I've been noticing them a lot more lately the more present I've been with myself. I'm doing much better emotionally and don't need to be on this ****.

 

Would my withdrawal symptoms get worse though? I'm planning on tapering only 5% per month.

[geminigirl]

Could someone reply?

[geminigirl]

Anyone?

[brassmonkey]

Hi geminigirl--  It is such a hard question to answer.  I'm going to be evasive and sound like a shrink here.  Do you feel ready to start?  

 

It sounds to me that you are starting to stabilize, it usually takes about this long.  Stabilization is not the absence of symptoms, but rather having the symptoms level out to a steady level, no huge swings up or down.  From the level of frustration I can read in your posts I think it is time to start taking some action.  Tapering at 5% a month sounds like a good place to start.  To my thinking a month is a bit to quick though, as you need to stabilize on each new dose before dropping to the next.  I have had very good success with a six week schedule.  Keep in mind that every time you make a drop there will probably be a flair up of the symptoms, then over the course of several weeks they will settle back down.  As you drop down in dose the emotional numbness should slowly start to melt away as should the headaches.  At least that is the way it happened for me.  It won't happen in a smooth transition, more like two steps forward and one and three quartiers steps back, but the symptoms do improve over time, lots and lots of time.

 

Hope that helps a little.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) 

[geminigirl]

Thanks brass monkey. That helped a lot! Hope your tapering is going well! I think maybe I should wait a bit longer as in still going through intensive emotional therapy, but ya fairly soon I'll start tapering and I'll take your advice of the 6 week tapering instead of monthly.

 

Do you think it makes a difference if I do 5% tapering or 10?

[RubyTuesday]

if I am reading your posts correctly and you have been on the same dose for 7 months then it might be time to start tapering by 5%. if you wait till you are perfect you will wait forever. we are getting off these drugs because we feel bad being on them.

when I do reductions I feel more alive for about 3 days and then the wd hits me and i panic and cry. i have learned the hard way to slow down my tapers and make them smaller. 

the dillemma of it all is that we cannot be ultimately sure if our symptoms are withdrawal, or side effects, or both. Probably both. All psychiatric drugs cause chronic brain impairment. the good news is that is it reversible, but it takes patience.

sending you love and hugs

[Flowers]

Brass Monkey and Ruby Tuesday - I thought you had  good answers to Gemini Girls dilemna. I am waiting to stabilise too after 4 months of same dose. I am convinced that my symptoms are a combination of withdrawal and side effects but i stand to be corrected. I get some relief each evening/night for a couple of hours before I take the next pill!!

 

Soon I am going to have to decide when to start tapering and will be in the same situation as GG. Thanks for your input which is all food for thought.

 

Flowers x

[brassmonkey]

5% should be gentler.  If you're in no hurry I would opt for that.

[geminigirl]

Okay thanks

[geminigirl]

Hey ruby Tuesday and Brass Monkey.

 

I read over the posts again and just wanted to say thanks! I am so glad this is all reversible like ruby Tuesday said. I was getting so worried ill have withdrawal forever just like most people are worried.

 

I want to start tapering soon. Will tapering make me feel more alive or will there be bad withdrawal symptoms too even with a 5 percent drop every 6 weeks.

[geminigirl]

Feeling angry/sad today.

 

I haven't started tapering yet. It's been almost 8 months since I reinstated to original dose after bad crash. I still get headaches and can't exersize. Feeling a bit down regarding that.

 

I want to start tapering soon but worried withdrawal symptoms will be bad and I need my brain and body to be somewhat normal right now because i'm still going through intense emotional therapy

 

Worried as everyone else I won't recovery and will never get my old healthy brain back.

 

There was nothing wrong with me. I never needed this ****. I was always a healthy girl, I just had a difficult childhood. I just needed love, which I found now, but i'm angry that these heartless psychiatrists and doctors gave me poison.

 

Shame on them. In med school they should ask people questions about how kind and caring they are, because I feel like they just hire assholes with degrees.

 

Disgusting pill pushers and heartless money hungry assholes who ruin other people.