Shep

☼ Shep's journey

909 posts in this topic

Hi. I'm Shep and I'm coming off almost 30 years of taking various drugs to treat bipolar type 1 starting at the age of 17.

 

I think my bipolar mania is treatment induced by AD's and stimulants. Last AD was March 2013. Taken off Vibrydd cold turkey after severe akathisia, agitated depression, and being suicidal. Previously was on Welbutrin and various older tricyclics.

 

Currently suffering from Klonopin withdrawal and trying to get off of Seroquel.

 

Been on over 30 types of pysch drugs. Started off on older AD's, AP's, benzos, and lithium and moved onto SSRI's, mood stabilizers and atypical AP's.

 

Klonopin withdrawal is very hard and I think I hit tolerance after coming off an AD last year.

 

Right now my only medication is 6.25 mg of Seroquel to help me go to sleep. I'm 46 years old and trying to hold onto my current job after going through nearly a year of unemployment after losing a job during AD withdrawal (I was suicidal at work and lost my job).

 

Hoping to find guidance and help here.

 

Thank you.

 

Shep

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Hi Shep

 

Welcome to SA. I love your avatar!

 

What has been your taper history with the Seroquel? And when you say you feel like crap, what does that look like foe you? Is this feeling recent or longstanding? Anything specifically you would like to ask?

 

Dalsaan

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Hi, dalsaan.

 

I love your avatar, too. 

 

I have severe depersonalization / derealization (dp/dr). I've had it off and on for 30 years due to my meds. It got worse last year after the SSRI cold turkey. Since I came off Klonopin in June after just a 10 week taper, I've been trapped in my own world. I had hallucinations during both the SSRI cold turkey and the Klono withdrawal. Those have eased up a bit.

 

The dp/dr makes buildings and furniture look "odd" and "wrong". People on the subway look "plastic". My voice seems to drift from far away and voices on the phone really scare me. I have trouble recognizing what's real.

 

For 3 months after withdrawing from Klonopin, I couldn't recognize myself in the mirror and my hands and feet still feel really disconnected.

 

I'm afraid I may lose my job because of this. I also have really bad insomnia, but that's probably from the Klonopin withdrawal.

 

I've been on AP's for 30 years and I'm trying to get off of Seroquel. I started tapering from 100 mg last year and am down to 6.25 mg. 

 

My questions are:

 

1. Does anyone else suffer from dp/dr from withdrawing from these kinds of medications? My pdoc told me it's not the meds.

 

2. Every time I dropped the Seroquel completely, I get really bad rebound insomnia and my skin feels like it's on fire or starts to itch and feel like insects are crawling on me. I know this is an AD forum, but I'm hoping to learn more about how to come off of Seroquel because I know folks also use this for depression and sleep.

 

Thank you for responding. I hope you don't think I'm completely insane. 

 

Shep

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Hi Shep,

Welcome from me too.  Congratulations for getting as far as you have with coming off meds, you have done well.  None of what you wrote sounds like insanity, whatever that is.  It looks like you have been having drug side effects and withdrawal symptoms from tapering off medications too fast.  How did you taper off the SSRI's last year?  What dose of Klonopin were you on and how long were you on it? 

 

We suggest reducing by no more than 10% of the current dose every 4 weeks, this reduces the risk of withdrawal symptoms arising.  Please read through this which will explain why:

  

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?  (The general philosophy of gradual tapering)

 

We also recommend only tapering one drug at a time and it sounds like you were reducing Klonopin and Seroquel at the same time.

 

I've been experiencing DP/DR since quitting Lexapro too fast in 2010.  I didn't know it had a name or that it could be caused by drug withdrawal until finding this site and starting to learn more.  I have a lot of other symptoms too, but DP/DR has been one of the more disturbing ones, its getting better over time though.

 

We have a topic about it here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1766-derealizationdepersonalization/

 

It can be difficult to taper from a low dose of Seroquel because of the rebound insomnia as you have experienced.  Here is our thread for tapering off Seroquel:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1707-tips-for-tapering-off-seroquel-quetiapine/

 

If you could add a few more details to your signature about when and how you tapered from your various medications, what doses you were on etc, that would be helpful.  You may need to hold off on your Seroquel taper for now and let your nervous system settle down and stabilize from your previous withdrawal.  Perhaps a small updose might help with the insomnia for now until you stabilize more.  Then when you are feeling better, perhaps in several months, you could continue with a slower taper.

 

Here is the link to our symptoms and self care section, you may find some useful ideas to help manage symptoms as you recover.  Especially read the topics pinned at the top.

 

I'm glad you found us, you will find a lot of friendly help and support here.

 

Petu.

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Thanks for the links, Petu. I'll check out the Seroquel section.

 

I lost a lot of cognitive function when I came off Klonopin. My pdoc, a complete moron, pulled me off of Vibrydd cold turkey last year and then told me to reduce my 2 mg of Klonopin by .25 mg every two weeks and then I could just stop the Seroquel at 25 mg.

 

I think he was trying to kill me. I can't remember much at all about the past two years. I'm stuck in the present moment in a state of dp/dr in a one-room apartment that I leave and enter a world that I don't recognize.

 

WTF?! Is this withdrawal or am I completely mad? It was bound to happen after 30 years.

 

Should I reinstate everything?

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I'm tapering off of Seroquel. On a long hold at 6.25 mg until next spring.

 

Main problems are insomnia and dp/dr and memory problems.

 

Has anyone been on antipsychotics for 30 years and was able to come off them?

 

My AP history:

 

Stellazine  and mellaril - 1985 through early '90's

Triavil - 90's until 2006

Ambilify - a few months in 2006

Seroquel - 2006 - current

 

Hallucinations are infrequent now. If I could go to sleep on my own, I think I could stop. When I don't take it I have insomnia and burning skin.

 

It's really hard to taper by cutting a 25 mg pill, but I don't have the money for a pdoc right now and my insurance is really bad, so I'm hoping to find a better taper method.

 

Thank you.

 

Shep

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Welcome, Shep.

 

I moved your post here, so it would get lost in the Tapering forum.

 

You have the right idea, holding at 6.25mg Seroquel until spring. Give your nervous system a chance to settle down.

 

After all the drugs, you might have these symptoms for quite a while, as your nervous system adjusts. What we see is that they very, very gradually alleviate. Be patient, take care of yourself, nurture your body with good food and habits, and it will repair itself.

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Thank you for your kind words, Altostrata.

 

My cognitive skills were declining so I had to come off the medications.

 

Do you know of anyone who's come off the bipolar cocktail after 30 years? I was hoping to find out if this is even possible.

 

Thank you.

 

Shep

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It doesn't sound like you were on "the" bipolar cocktail. It sounds like you have a long history of going off and on all kinds of psychiatric drugs.

 

Some people here have the same kind of history.

 

This means you need to be extra careful about drug changes. You may need to go very slowly. At the least, you can minimize your drug burden.

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Shep, you might check out the website Beyond Meds. Gianna was on quite a few meds over quite a long period of time.

 

I was on ADs and benzos and a few other things over about 20 years. You can see my taper story in my sig line.

 

It's possible to come off psych meds after a long time, but the people who do the best with that generally taper much more slowly than you have. I agree, your psych is clueless about going on and off meds and I would not take his advice about them if I were you; find somebody who has at least half a clue.

 

You have a lot of recovering to do from the Klonopin withdrawal and the AD cold turkey and your overall long term history and overall coming off meds too fast. I think you can recover, but it's going to take a few years. Definitely don't reduce the Seroquel any further. Read in our Tapering section, I think there's probably a thread for Seroquel, and read about how to make a liquid out of your tablets. You can make your own suspension and maintain your dosage.

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Shep, you might check out the website Beyond Meds. Gianna was on quite a few meds over quite a long period of time.

 

I was on ADs and benzos and a few other things over about 20 years. You can see my taper story in my sig line.

 

It's possible to come off psych meds after a long time, but the people who do the best with that generally taper much more slowly than you have. I agree, your psych is clueless about going on and off meds and I would not take his advice about them if I were you; find somebody who has at least half a clue.

 

You have a lot of recovering to do from the Klonopin withdrawal and the AD cold turkey and your overall long term history and overall coming off meds too fast. I think you can recover, but it's going to take a few years. Definitely don't reduce the Seroquel any further. Read in our Tapering section, I think there's probably a thread for Seroquel, and read about how to make a liquid out of your tablets. You can make your own suspension and maintain your dosage.

 

Thanks, Rhi. I'll check out Beyond Meds.

 

I'm only sleeping a couple of hours a night and dragging myself to work. I don't see a good end to this especially if it's going to take years to recover. Broke and in debt and avoiding all doctors. Rather seek advice from peers. Coming off via suspension sounds good. If I'd known about this two years ago, my life would be completely different. 

 

Do you know if Seroquel can be suspended in water or in milk?

 

 

Thanks.

 

Shep

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Shep, you might check out the website Beyond Meds. Gianna was on quite a few meds over quite a long period of time.

 

I was on ADs and benzos and a few other things over about 20 years. You can see my taper story in my sig line.

 

It's possible to come off psych meds after a long time, but the people who do the best with that generally taper much more slowly than you have. I agree, your psych is clueless about going on and off meds and I would not take his advice about them if I were you; find somebody who has at least half a clue.

 

You have a lot of recovering to do from the Klonopin withdrawal and the AD cold turkey and your overall long term history and overall coming off meds too fast. I think you can recover, but it's going to take a few years. Definitely don't reduce the Seroquel any further. Read in our Tapering section, I think there's probably a thread for Seroquel, and read about how to make a liquid out of your tablets. You can make your own suspension and maintain your dosage.

 

Thanks, Rhi. I'll check out Beyond Meds.

 

I'm only sleeping a couple of hours a night and dragging myself to work. I don't see a good end to this especially if it's going to take years to recover. Broke and in debt and avoiding all doctors. Rather seek advice from peers. Coming off via suspension sounds good. If I'd known about this two years ago, my life would be completely different. 

 

Do you know if Seroquel can be suspended in water or in milk?

 

 

Thanks.

 

Shep

 

 

Oh, the end can be good, it's the getting there that's tricky. I could tell you it's going to be fast and easy, if that's what you want to hear, but I'd rather not lie. I really do think it's possible to come off meds after most of a lifetime on them, but "possible" and "easy" are two very different things.

 

Just don't try to take it all on right now. For now, just take it one day at a time. Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

 

When you're feeling ready, I'd recommend you get hold of a copy of Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker. You might like his book Mad In America too. They're both very good.

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Hi Shep,

 

I found the answer for you here. It seems you can. Just scroll a bit down the thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1707-tips-for-tapering-off-seroquel-quetiapine/

 

(you can always search things that interest you by googling surviving antidepresants and the term you want to check).

 

take care

 

Bubble

 

 

Thanks, Bubble. It looks like using a digital scale or doing a liquid compound will be the way to go.

 

Think I'll stick with the 6.25 mg through the winter because it helps me get to sleep.

 

Thanks for everyone's help. Very much appreciated.

 

Shep

Edited by JanCarol
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Hi.

 

I'm interested in reading about the psychiatric survivors movement. Does anyone have any reading suggestions? 

 

Not sure if this is the right place to post this question. Please let me know.

 

Thank you.

 

Shep

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You might want to read MadinAmerica.com

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You might want to read MadinAmerica.com

 

Hi, Altostrata.

 

Yes, I check out that site every day. I also read information on Dr. David Healy's site, as well as Dr. Peter Breggin.

 

I also read Whitaker's book "Anatomy of an Epidemic" and Healy's book "Pharmeggedon" although my cognitive decline makes it hard to understand. 

 

I'm currently reading Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's book "The Body Keeps the Score". It has the diagnoses in there that have been left out of the DSM because the DSM is written by people paid by the pharmaceutical companies, if I'm understanding this correctly. 

 

Are there any threads on this site where people are discussing this? Also, are we permitted to take an anti-psychiatry viewpoint on this site? I've been on other sites and gotten in trouble for it. I just want to talk to other people who were misdiagnosed and drugged inappropriately. 

 

As my memory improves (it's already much better than when I came off of Klonopin and Halcion), I wish to engage in dialogue. What happened to me has happened to thousands of other people and it's not right at all. I appreciate this website very much and don't want to speak inappropriately.

 

Thank you.

 

Shep

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Please visit the Media forum and the Events, Controversies forum here.

 

I don't know what "anti-psychiatry" means. If you've been injured by psychiatry, you can hardly be expected to recommend it.

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Please visit the Media forum and the Events, Controversies forum here.

 

I don't know what "anti-psychiatry" means. If you've been injured by psychiatry, you can hardly be expected to recommend it.

 

Hi, Altostrata.

 

Thank you. I will check out those areas of the forum.

 

No, I can't recommend psychiatry. This is true.

 

Take care.

 

Shep

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I'm going to try to keep up with my progress here, if that's okay. I'm currently taking 12.5 mg of Seroquel.

 

I was prescribed the below list of drugs over the past 30 years, starting when I was 17. These are the drugs I can remember being on. I used to take 3 - 5 different drugs a day.

 

Antidepressants
 
Tofranil
Desyrel
Pamelor
Prozac
Remeron
Wellbutrin
Zoloft
Vibryyd

 

Benzodiazipines
 
Ativan
Xanax
Klonopin
Halcion
 
Antipsychotics
 
Stelazine
Perphenazine
Mellaril
Triavil
Ambilify
Seroquel
 
Z-Drugs
 
Ambien
Lunesta
Sonata
 
Anti-convulsants and Miscellaneous Psych Drugs
 
Lithium
Busbar
Lamictal
Valproic Acid
Tegretol
Trileptal
Neurontin
 
Stimulants
 
Provigil
Nuvigil
Dexetrine

 

These are the meds that concern me the most:

 

Benzodiazepines - I spent 30 years on various benzos. Stopped taking Klonopin and Halcion in June and I have no memory of the past several years. Still have cognitive difficulties and insomnia.

 

Antipsychotics - stayed on low doses for 30 years. Have severe depersonalization and periodic visual hallucinations. Still taking a small amount of Seroquel for sleep.

 

Antidepressants - caused mania but that seems to be gone now. Been off of all AD's for 21 months. I had severe akathisia and became very suicidal for several months. Still have periodic episodes of akathisia that scare me very much.

 

I'll try and update as I progress off my last medication, Seroquel.

 

Thank you for your help. I hope to be able to participate more as my cognitive functioning improves.

 

Be well.

 

Shep

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Quick update:

 

Doing well and experiencing some springtime hypomania, but that's okay. I'm using exercise to get rid of the energy.

 

Still have significant dp/dr but the cog fog is decreasing.

 

I've been off of AD's for over 2 years, so I'm hoping not to become manic this year.

 

I'm holding at 12.5 mg Seroquel and getting anywhere from 2 - 7 hours of sleep at night. I'm still experiencing rebound insomnia from the Halcion cold turkey and the Klonopin taper ending last June. But the insomnia is slowly getting better. 

 

I really think it's possible to come off of various bipolar cocktails after 30 years and live to tell about it.  :)

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Good to hear, Shep. Please let us know how you're doing.

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Good to hear, Shep. Please let us know how you're doing.

 

Thank you, Altostrata.

 

I'm doing okay. 

 

Thinking about coming off the Seroquel this summer, but waiting until the insomnia improves.

 

This is definitely taking a LOT longer than I thought.

 

The website is very, very helpful.

 

 

Shep

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I dropped the Seroquel. After being in a long hold at 6.25 mg, I dropped it last night.

 

Slept about 3.5 hours, very poor quality. But I slept on my own.

 

I just lost my apartment and moved into a large urban low-income housing complex on Wednesday, so the fact that I slept at all is amazing.

 

Just happy to finally be free from psychiatry after 30 brutal years of poly-drugging.

 

Whoever thinks this is quality medical care is a sadist.

 

And my memory is doing much better now that I'm 11 months off of benzos and more than 2 years off of AD's.

 

Ashton recommends using AD's for benzo withdrawal but I'm really glad I didn't. They told me I should on Benzo Buddies, but I figured out that's what most of their protracted members are doing, so I didn't do it.  I really think a lot of the protracted benzo members aren't really in protracted benzo withdrawal - they've either hit tolerance on an AD or they're currently tapering their "helper meds" way too quickly. Just my opinion, though, and my opinion is definitely NOT appreciated on benzo web sites.

 

I think the way I did it - AD first, benzo second, and AP last was the way to go. At least it was for me.

 

I'm still working 40 hours a week, but the pay is really low so finances are still a struggle. I found a really cheap apartment, so just learning how to live with lots of noise, crime, and second cigarette smoke will be a struggle until my cognitive skills improve enough that I can get a better job and a better apartment.

 

I haven't posted much because of cognitive problems, but I hope to be able to soon.

 

I'm very, very optimistic about my future now and wanted to share this positive post. You CAN come off these drugs and be okay. 

 

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Yay! Shep. I'm soo pleased to read your post. Absolutely great.

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Thanks, LoveandLIght!

 

My new DSM diagnosis is V15.81 - Noncompliance With Treatment  :D

 

Gotta love psychiatry! They think of everything!

 

I prefer the diagnosis - "healed"! Well, almost. Still have a ways to go, but it looks like situation stress from a period of unemployment followed by under employment is factoring in as more problematic.

 

At least for now, but I'm planning on making my come back this year.  B)

 

 

 

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Did you come off the AD cold turkey?

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Lol, Shep. Fantastic!

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Did you come off the AD cold turkey?

 

Yes, the last AD was a cold turkey. It was Viibryd and even though it was diagnosed as a mixed episode, I really think it was a reaction to the medication. 

 

Sorry, this is way more than you asked, LoveandLight, but while I'm in a cog fog window, I'm going to write this out.

 

My first AD in 1985 was Tofranil (the old Imipromine tricyclic) which sent me a very mild state of mania at 17. I was an abused kid, but I was told that trauma causes a chemical imbalance, and they told me I had manic depression. Prozac came out a couple of years later, and when I took it at 19, I entered into a state of psychosis, homelessness, and horrific dp/dr which landed me in a state institution for several months. Lots and lots of drugs, particularly antipsychotics. 

 

I was then switched back to the older tricyclics, lithium, low-dose antipsychotics, and benzos. Sorry, I'm being repetitive - my drug history is already here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7419-sheps-journey/?p=113897

 

I stabilized with a few changes and tries with stimulants and various moodstabilizers for a really long time. Went back to college and received a couple of degrees.

 

But when I hit my early 40's, I started to crash into depression. Or so I thought. I think I hit tolerance on Wellbutrin back in 2008.

 

My imbecile psychiatrist convinced me to try a slew of SSRI's and switched up the Trileptal, a mood stabilizer, for Seroquel, an antipsychotic. I didn't know at the time, but my psychiatrist was being paid by Eli Lilly as a speaker but after researching this on Propublica, I now know.  Just a FYI, always check your doc on this website - https://projects.propublica.org/docdollars/

 

After just a few days on Vibrydd, the dp/dr was so bad, I didn't recognize myself or my world. I was experiencing severe akthisthia (I now know that was misdiagnosed as mania). I quit a very well-paying job as a technical writer in the accounting field, followed by unemployment for close to a year (wiped out my savings and I still have student loan debt), and I landed a bookkeeping job.

 

I knew I couldn't take AD's at that point and I switched to (evidently) another imbecile psychiatrist who tried to up my Seroquel to the schizophrenia range and told me that the 2 mg of Klonopin weren't causing my depression, dp/dr, or severe memory problems. But my gut reactions were starting to come through and I knew something was horrifically wrong with these drugs.

 

A few months later, I saw this online - Klonopin has connections to Alzheimer's -  http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/benzodiazepine-use-may-raise-risk-alzheimers-disease-201409107397

 

And I read Robert Whitaker's "Anatomy of an Epidemic". Even through the cog fog, I understood the implications of staying on these medications long term - cognitive decline, decompensation, and early death.  

 

At that point, I'm thinking, WTF??? Why aren't doctors noticing they're killing their patients?

 

I'd already been off the Vibrydd cold turkey for a little over a year. And then I made very rash and dangerous 50% cuts to come off the Klonopin. This made the memory problems and dp/dr much, much worse, but in the haze, I honestly didn't realize what I was doing.

 

And neither did my doctor.

 

I cannot over state how dangerous this is for patients and how angry I am at psychiatry for effing up their profession this badly.

 

At the age of 47, I feel like I'm just starting to come out of a long, confusing journey through hell made much, much worse by psychiatry.

 

And that's my story of surviving psychiatry.

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Great story, Shep.

 

Would you say you feel better now than when you joined last November? What has improved?

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Great story, Shep.

 

Would you say you feel better now than when you joined last November? What has improved?

 

That's a really good question, Alto.

 

I do feel better in a way because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Also, all that I've lost through this hasn't broken me which makes me really believe I was mis-diagnosed 30 years ago.

 

That being said, there's a hell of a lot of rage because I've been severely drugged for 30 years for no effing reason. And I don't know how to process that right now.

 

For specific symptoms, let me give a list:

 

dp/dr - still very, very severe. I'm using mindfulness and really trying to "connect" but it's difficult. Still feel like I'm walking around inside of my own corpse.

 

depression - periodically, it's bad, but the lethargy is much, much less and I'm able to work out again - that's HUGE for me.

 

insomnia - still severe - sleeping about 2 - 5 hours a night, but I know that part of it is my housing situation

 

cognitive functioning - this is getting much, much better. I'm still impaired, but it's nothing like when I jumped off of Halcion and Klonopin last year

 

jaw and tooth pain - much, much better. Still wearing my night guard but my jaw isn't locking up like it used to.

 

vertigo - much, much better

 

floor and wall tilting - I don't get this sensation of moving walls and floors except in waves

 

hallucinations - the audio ones are completely gone except in waves, the visual ones come and go, but they don't set off alarms like they used to

 

Do you know how long it will take for the Seroquel withdrawal to last? I was on the 100 mg or less dose for years (I refused to up it to 600 mg when my pdoc told me to last year because I was afraid of getting diabetes), so it's just been acting on histimine receptors.

 

I stayed at 12.5 mg for months and then at 6.25 mg for several more months.

 

With this gradual a taper, do you think the withdrawal will be lengthy? 

 

This site is so incredibly helpful. 

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It's impossible to say, Shep. You've been on and off drugs for a long time, your nervous system has to settle down from all the uproar, Seroquel being only the last.

 

It's very, very good that you have seen improvement. You have an excellent attitude, too, despite the anger. I would be angry myself. One way to channel this is to help others in a similar situation.

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An update:

 

I'm sleeping about 3 - 6 hours a night without any medication and I don't use supplements. Just a high-protein snack before bed usually does the trick. 

 

I fall asleep within 15 minutes of going to bed, which I never thought would be possible without medication. I wake up usually because of nightmares and / or noise (I'm still living in a low-income, inner-city housing project and there's lots of noise from the neighbors). I use noise-cancelling headphones and I found a free White Noise app for my phone which helps a lot. 

 

I had several weeks of insomnia caused by PTSD flashbacks from when I was six years old and the sexual and physical abuse started. I did a lot of journaling in third person, which seemed to help. I was able to go into third person and put some distance between myself and what happened.

 

Seems like the flashbacks were caused by the fact that my body is no longer as numb. Not sure how to explain that, but maybe it has something to do with the body / mind connection. When I came off the SSRI cold turkey more than two years ago, it was like I was completely separated from my own self. Again, not sure how to explain this. And then I came off long-term z-drug and benzo use last year, and I couldn't even feel my clothes. My own reflection was unrecognizable for most of last year.  But now the numbness is wearing off and I can recognize my reflection. Dr. Aston writes about some of this in her benzo withdrawal manual, so I'm confident this is just the withdrawal and will go away. 

 

This week, the nightmares and flashbacks weren't as bad, so I'm more at peace. 

 

If anyone is dealing with trauma, I recommend the book "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. He gives ways of healing from trauma that don't involve medication. Reading books like this are very helpful, although it's really hard to read with cog fog.

 

I have a lot of lethargy and fatigue, especially after work. I have a long subway commute which is very disorienting with dp/dr. But I have absolutely no depression. It's a "chemical" fatigue, but my mood is hopeful. I'm very positive about recovery and the future. I really want to find a better job by next year and move out of this housing project. I also want to adopt a kitten from the shelter when I get a better job and apartment. So these kinds of dreams are really helping me heal. 

 

The symptoms that are remaining that are the most worrisome are:

 

  • Memory problems
  • Fatigue
  • Emotional blunting, symptoms seem kind of like Autism. Really hard to talk to people and express my thoughts. I also have a schizoid personality diagnosis, so maybe that's just me - I don't want to blame everything on withdrawal, although having started taking these drugs so young, I'm not sure what my personality really is. I'm mostly just emotionally flat lined and I don't have a lot of social skills. I've lived alone my whole life except for when hospitalized, so I don't know if coming off these drugs will help with this or not. I hope it does because it's been a very lonely and isolated life so far. I think I was medication compliant for so long because the drugs made me not care about any of this.
  • Really blurry vision
  • Dp/dr - I had this before the medications, so it may just be something I'll need to learn to accept
  • Flashbacks and nightmares - less intense now, but still frightening. I used to take benzos to cope, but now I'm using guided meditations and keeping a journal

Thanks for everyone's help and reassurance. I read much more than I post here. The information provided here on all of the different medications and ways of coping through withdrawal are very, very helpful.

 

Thank you,

 

Shep

 

 

 

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Thank you Shep for sharing your story. You have certainly had a rough ride. I'm hoping for a continued recovery for you. I do believe your dreams can come true.

 

I have to say that your wish to buy a kitten is one that is close to my heart. My cats have helped so much when I'm not feeling great. I am lucky to have human companions (a husband and children) but the companionship of an animal can be life changing in a positive way. Keep working towards your goals and I'm sure you will bringing home your baby soon. Let us know when you do. I'll look forward to sharing your joy.

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Thank you for letting us know how you are doing, Shep.

 

It sounds like you are very slowly healing. You gained some remarkable insights through that re-experience of trauma. Thank you for sharing that with the community.

 

Are you able to work with a therapist at all? You might find it productive now.

 

Are you able to find a social group, such as a group that plays games through Meetup? This may give you more confidence socially.

 

You sound like you've found a lot of strength, too. I wish you a better job, kittens, and all good things!

 

Please continue to post updates, I am sure you will continue to heal.

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Thank you Shep for sharing your story. You have certainly had a rough ride. I'm hoping for a continued recovery for you. I do believe your dreams can come true.

 

I have to say that your wish to buy a kitten is one that is close to my heart. My cats have helped so much when I'm not feeling great. I am lucky to have human companions (a husband and children) but the companionship of an animal can be life changing in a positive way. Keep working towards your goals and I'm sure you will bringing home your baby soon. Let us know when you do. I'll look forward to sharing your joy.

 

 

Thank you, Aliwill. I'm really looking forward to one day having a pet again. They're lots of company but you don't have to keep up a conversation.

 

I hope you're doing okay with your taper.

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