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#685 AliG

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 03:33 PM

S.  I thought you would like this quote :

 

" We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

 

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.

 

The goal of life is to have your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature."

 

Joseph Campbell

 

Ali


Many SSRI's &SSNRI's over 20 years . Zoloft - 7 years .  Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and many more - on and off . No tapering. Cold turkey -  Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                            Drug free since May, 2014
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             "Find a place inside where there's joy and the joy will burn out the pain" - Joseph Campbell


#686 Shep

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 03:36 PM

Hi Shep. I didn't sleep but an hour or 2 last night and my response to you and Ali kind of pooped my thinker out. But just stopping by to say i am so pleased with your progress. Take care Shep.

 

Thanks, Marsha. 

 

I hope you see some improvements soon. You deserve it, I know it's been a struggle. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#687 Shep

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 03:38 PM

S.  I thought you would like this quote :

 

" We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

 

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.

 

The goal of life is to have your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature."

 

Joseph Campbell

 

Ali

 

 

Thanks, Ali. I do indeed like this quote. It really adds to my thread. 

 

"The beat of the universe" reminds me of the music of the spheres. Very nice. Thank you.  :)


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#688 Shep

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 04:40 PM

 

Thanks for mentioning this, Andy. The fact that you are so very functional and yet dealing with "large chunks" of memory loss gives me a great deal of hope that I'll get more functional even if some of the memory loss is permanent.

 

This is part of a very interesting subject, Shep, regarding the importance of "memory" to "function."  There are those that would argue that they are distinct and that if you woke up tomorrow with total amnesia, you could still be retrained and move forward in a functional manner.  You would, of course, be a very different person.  The role of memory in making us the distinct "snowflakes" that we are is significant, however, I think it can be overstated.  Sometimes we make the conscious decision to "block" things from our past in order to allow us to move forward.  Sometimes that decision is unconscious and is "made for us."  I think, in your case, your higher function is returning at a very rapid rate (hence the reason for the exercise in rereading your own thread).  Your rate of functional "reboot" is exceeding that of the integration of memory into the process but I believe that portion will return as well.  Some of it may not, but it may well be that the part that does not is a "decision" made deep within.  We tend to think that all memory is "good" memory and that is simply not the case.  

 

Remember that our brains are constantly in protective mode and for someone like you, who has had the ultimate in self-protection (depersonalization) in spades, your brain has already shown the proclivity to take every possible step to protect you.  For those of us who deal with dp/dr, I suspect that the return of memory is a longer, more drawn out process because of this self-protective propensity.

 

Just some thoughts on this very interesting subject.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

 

 

Andy, the part I placed in blue is such an insightful comment. 

 

I've been having these really intense "mystical experiences" for about a year (maybe more or less, I'm not good with time), and I'm wondering how much credence I should give them. I know enough not to give them "voice", as this will get me caught back up in the system (I have a history of psychosis and spiritual crisis). But even at my worst, it wasn't at this intensity.

 

I think what may be happening is the "functional re-boot" as you call it, is indeed, much faster than I'm able to integrate memory. So there's an over-think of the chaos that comes from memory loss. It's like I'm trying to fill in the blanks of memory loss as my cognitive function returns and seeks out a credible narrative. And I just can't remember. 

 

I see these "visuals" - partly rebound visuals from 30 years of antipsychotics and partly dp/dr. The visuals seem to incorporate the mystical, and the dp/dr is reality that is horrifically distorted with plastic faces, buildings that bend and sway, voices that have side-echoes, and walls that seem liquid and empty with shadows disconnected from their source. 30 years of 40 psych drugs seems to have melted parts of my brain. Reality is redacted and the edits are unchecked. Throw in the post-truth news age, and chaos takes the lead role of this surreality play. 

 

So I'm going to be more mindful of the fact that as my cognitive function improves, it will do a seek-out of many of these missing memories. And that will amp up anxiety and fear. I'll be more prone to fixate on things like climate change and spirituality as the cognitive search party goes on maneuvers. And it may even go in search of those memories that I'd like to keep hidden. As you say, not all memories are "good". 

 

Thank you for pointing this out. I'll make sure I have things to do to "change the channel" because these fixations can be disturbing and can spiral. And I could very easily get "caught" back up in the system. 

 

I'll come up with a list of non-drug coping skills to help with this, now that I can re-frame some of my current symptoms in this context. I think I can learn to find peace in a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces. My footing is sound now, so I don't need the full guide map. Also, concentrating on what I do remember that is good can help entertain the mind and keep it away from the search party fixations. 

 

Thanks for the link to the dp manual website on memory loss. I'm intrigued with the concept of "concentration loss" as opposed to "memory loss". 

 

Benzos can cause anterograde amnesia, so it could be a combination of things. Throw in an overactive imagination, too, because I think that plays a part. And maybe it plays the solution, too.

 

Thanks. This is more helpful than I can say.  :)


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#689 Shep

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 05:42 PM

There is also the notion that all memories have cinema quality graphics, surround sound and emotional immersion.  Which is also not the case.  Some people can remember a lot more that others in this manner but it's not the norm. Our expectations to be able to do so are self defeating.

 

The interesting thing is, we've been though all these "life experiences" and they have shaped who we are and how we relate, but we can't remember them.  Yet, if they hadn't happened we wouldn't be who we are.  So the experiences have left their mark. In a way this is good because now that we are more in control of our minds, as we emerge from WD, we can take a more active role in how life is "shaping" us.  As those old experiences show them selves we are now able to call them into question and reexamine them, keep the ones we want and discard the others.  In effect, getting a "second chance" to get it right.  For us, having the past chemically hidden or burned away makes it easier than for others who have a lot more baggage. 

 

In a sense it's a very rapid process (it doesn't seem like it thought because our perspective is different) taking just a few years instead of a life time to happen.  That's where looking back at old post comes in.  The changes from month to month, year to year can be huge, but what we see in the frustration of how long it takes to "get better" on top of the frustration of "things are happening so fast" and "I can't control my thoughts".  Which we have to learn all over again to do because we haven't had control of them in years.

 

I'm starting to ramble so I'll stop.  But I do need to say that your personal growth has been amazing Shep, I'm so excited for you.

 

 

Another great piece of wisdom, Tom. Thank you.

 

The part I placed in blue is really helpful because it ties into the concept of wanting to "create" my new baseline. So I like this re-frame very much because it gives more legitimacy to this want, and that makes it more likely to happen. And connecting this to what Andy wrote about cognitive functioning returning faster than the integration of memory, for now, it's enough just knowing that who I am is there (as you say, if the memories hadn't happened, "we wouldn't be who we are"). 

 

Because I think part of the intense anxiety comes from the fear of the fractured self. But knowing that the self is indeed intact and can hold up under questioning is a powerful take away and releases the mind to concentrate on other things and not spiral into a memory search. Like an infinite loop in a faulty Javascript code, it's exhausting and unwarranted. 

 

And if concentration is the heart of the memory loss (as listed in the link Andy kindly left), then it's best to not tax concentration and let it recover in as much peace as possible.

 

I like what you wrote - those of us with a past that's chemically hidden have the chance to examine and question. And this also plays into the "create" our own baseline quite nicely. 

 

Thanks for your kind words about my personal growth. You and everyone who have left posts on my thread are a good influence and make great company as I go through this journey. 

 

As Ali kindly left on my thread, which sums it all up quite nicely:

 

 

 

S.  I thought you would like this quote :

 

" We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

 

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.

 

The goal of life is to have your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature."

 

Joseph Campbell

 

Ali

 

Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#690 brassmonkey

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Posted 08 January 2017 - 11:49 AM

The teachings of Joseph Campbell are a must read for anyone going through and coming out of WD.


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mg it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking


#691 Shep

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Posted 08 January 2017 - 12:34 PM

This is so true, Tom. 

 

Campbell defined the hero's journey, which is something just about all long-term users of these drugs have to take.

 

This part of that link is important:

 

MEETING WITH THE MENTOR.  The hero comes across a seasoned traveler of the worlds who gives him or her training, equipment, or advice that will help on the journey.  Or the hero reaches within to a source of courage and wisdom.

 

I think the "mentor" for me was this web forum and all of the great people here, and the "source of courage and wisdom" is the non-drug coping skills, especially mindfulness.

 

And this is my favorite part:

 

 RETURN WITH THE ELIXIR.  The hero returns home or continues the journey, bearing some element of the treasure that has the power to transform the world as the hero has been transformed.

 

I'm not exactly sure what this means in the context of psychiatric drug withdrawal, but just knowing it's there, is enough for now. 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#692 lanah

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Posted 09 January 2017 - 05:58 AM

The teachings of Joseph Campbell are a must read for anyone going through and coming out of WD.

What kind of book would you recommend? 


Several ssri's, antipsychotics, opiads and benzo's since 2003.

Flurazepam: rapid taper after 6 weeks usage in beginning of march 2015

Trazodone: rapid taper from 50ms to 0mgs end of july 2015

Current medication:12 mgs seroquel (from 25mgs)


#693 Shep

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Posted 10 January 2017 - 05:15 PM

 

The teachings of Joseph Campbell are a must read for anyone going through and coming out of WD.

What kind of book would you recommend? 

 

 

 

Hi, Lanah.

 

I'm not sure if you're asking Brassmonkey or me, but since it's my thread, I'll give an answer.  :P

 

This is one of Campbell's most popular books: 

 

The Hero with a Thousand Faces - by Joseph Campbell

 

I'm still having trouble reading, so I like to find videos. This is a good one. 

 

Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth 01 The Hero's Adventure - VIDEO

 

There's a ton of other videos out there to explore. Lots of good distractions to get your through withdrawal.  ;)


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#694 Shep

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 03:20 AM

Low-dose aspirin update - stopped using it and "mindfulness" changes

 

Just a quick update for myself that I stopped using the low-dose aspirin for cortisol surges several nights ago. I'm sleeping around 5 hours straight a night now, and since the 6 - 7 hour nights were so sporadic, I felt it wasn't worth risking any possible GI problems with aspirin, even at the 81 mg dose. My stomach still isn't completely healed yet.

 

I used the low-dose aspirin for about a month. And I would say I had good results with it. If my sleep gets really bad again (and I'm sure it will in waves), it's something I would definitely try again.

 

I may look into adding a magnesium supplement next, as that seems like something safe to try, as I'm not doing the epsom baths a lot anymore because it didn't seem to make a difference for sleep, just for muscle pain, which has mostly resolved. Also, I'm not getting the muscle twitches and spasms at night, which is likely why I'm sleeping better overall. 

 

And I fall asleep about 10 - 15 minutes after going to bed, so zero issues with anxiety or intrusive thoughts at night. I rarely even need a guided meditation anymore except because I want to stay in the habit of mindfulness and awareness. 

 

So I'm thinking about changing up my mindfulness practice from a "sleep" form into a "waking" form. I've been using the body scan to help with sleep, but as Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn says, it should be "an invitation to awaken". 

 

So there may be an upcoming shift in my mindfulness practice. I think I could bring in some form of "awakening mindfulness" and combine it with my 10 minute morning light therapy time. 

 

So my goal is to find some guided meditations to listen to while using my light box. 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#695 AliG

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 03:59 AM

Shep . I'm glad you stopped the aspirin.  On another note,  I didn't realize you weren't supplementing with magnesium.

 

I do credit Magnesium to a large extent in softening some of my withdrawal symptoms. I won't say " getting rid of " but just helping in a lot of ways. As you know I keep supplements to a minimum but Magnesium has been a staple throughout this experience . I would agree that you should try it in a small dose to start with.

 

I would keep up with the baths as well as it's 1. relaxing / muscle easing   2. another way of getting the magnesium. Obviously - not all at once but perhaps a part of the routine long term , maybe re- introduced when you get your initial supplemental dose right.

 

" Awakening mindfulness " is awesome if you can manage it. I can't do it too often but I strive for more. I will be interested to know how you go.

 

I might have to get one of these light boxes. :unsure:   


Many SSRI's &SSNRI's over 20 years . Zoloft - 7 years .  Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and many more - on and off . No tapering. Cold turkey -  Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                            Drug free since May, 2014
.
             "Find a place inside where there's joy and the joy will burn out the pain" - Joseph Campbell


#696 catnapt

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 05:42 AM

 

So my goal is to find some guided meditations to listen to while using my light box.

 


 

What light box do you use?

 

on another note, I have been taking magnesium for years for my atrial fibrillation (although I recently learned I was taking the wrong kind and switched to the one recommended for afib; Magnesium taurate)
I found that the heart palpitations definitely lessen with the new magnesium- I take one capsule twice a day.

Maybe it will help you?


1974-2002 many psych meds, all types; longest used drugs include lithium, seroquel, SSRI's zoloft & celexa; many CT's off drugs

2002-2015 on varying doses of lexapro, as  high as 40 mgs, but usually 20mgs

June 2015: tapered too fast to 2.5mgs, then to 2.5mgs every other day Dec 2015:  found SA forum; holding at 2.5mgs 

Early May 2016: jumped off at 2.5mgs, not smart- crashed in late Sept.

Oct 26 2016  reinstated liquid lexapro 0.05ml/day at night, dose +/- til settling on 0.15BID (0.3/day)= windows and waves

Jan 8, 2017 too quick switch to single dose in the morning, 0.3mgs (bad mistake, led to a crash)

Jan 12,2017 added low dose zyprexa for SI, took infrequently as rescue med, last dose Feb.15

Jan 26,2017 lexapro 0.27mg Feb 25 lexapro updose back to 0.3mg due to unrelenting severe insomnia

March 1,2017 insomnia worse, back down to 0.29 to 0.27, to 0.25- improving!! March 17 0.24 April 7 0.21 May7 0.20

March 7, 2017 added low dose lamictal, adjusting dose based on response (currently ~12.5mgs)

Supplements: Magnesium taurate 250mg, chromium, pro-biotic, biotin, glycine 


#697 apace41

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 07:45 AM

Shep,

 

Just a quick update for myself that I stopped using the low-dose aspirin for cortisol surges several nights ago. I'm sleeping around 5 hours straight a night now, and since the 6 - 7 hour nights were so sporadic, I felt it wasn't worth risking any possible GI problems with aspirin, even at the 81 mg dose. My stomach still isn't completely healed yet.

 

I agree with Ali that it's good that you stopped it and have it in your "back pocket" if you need it at a later point.  As someone who does low-dose aspirin therapy for a "non-psychotropic" condition, I tend to view it as rather benign, but it does thin the blood and, over time, can cause issues in some people.  If you don't "need" it -- no reason to use it.  The fact that you are getting 5 hours straight is just awesome given where you were coming from.

 

 

 

And I fall asleep about 10 - 15 minutes after going to bed, so zero issues with anxiety or intrusive thoughts at night. I rarely even need a guided meditation anymore except because I want to stay in the habit of mindfulness and awareness. 

 

Just pausing here to allow a little emphasis on this and the level of healing it indicates.  Your sleep is really getting very close to... dare I say... normal.  This is just huge in your recovery.  As time goes the 5 will naturally stretch to 6 and 7 and you will be fully sleep-healed.   Just awesome.

 

 

 

So there may be an upcoming shift in my mindfulness practice. I think I could bring in some form of "awakening mindfulness" and combine it with my 10 minute morning light therapy time. 

 

Have you looked at the "Insight Timer" app for iPhone, smartphone?   It has a ton of good guided meditations which you can sort in many different ways.  There are a couple which are "morning mindfulness" in nature that might resonate.

 

This is another very positive update, Shep.

 

Very happy to hear this.  I know the dp/dr is still lingering but this is very good.

 

Best,

 

Andy


Started Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg circa 2000; Sx Spring 2012. increased to .5 Clonazapam - no improvement; Started taper of K November 2012 (benzo sites said "taper benzo first"); increased Sert to100mg no improvement; Finished K microtaper in November 2014
Started Sertraline taper from 100mg in December 2014 by reducing to 75mg; Reduced to 62.5mg on January 1, 2015 and 50mg on February 1, 2015; Held at 50mg through April 5 when I got Rx for liquid Sertraline
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet on 10/5

Held through February with no noticeable change

March 2016 attempted to begin taper again but miscalculated into 1 week accidental updose to 32.5mg; dropped back to 25mg for 1 week; tapered to 22.5mg the following week; hit with symptoms and tried to stabilize between 22.5mg and 25mg.  Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy. Was dealing with horrible insomnia which had me sleeping once every other day.  Went back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016.  October 1 cut 4% to 24mg.  November 1 cut 8.3% to 22mg. December 1 cut 9% to 20mg.  Not great but functional. 2/1/17 cut 5% to 19mg.  Taking Spray-on Magnesium, Magnesium supplements, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Co-Q10, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine


#698 MNgal1960

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 08:39 AM

Shep, I have been trying to read the stuff on here especially between you and Andy but my brain just can't get around it. Very frustrating.

 

MN


2005-2006 Rapid taper off of Zoloft. Horrible but survived. Adverse drug reaction to Prozac.

2010-2013 Night panics. All typical sleep aids failed. Diagnosed with complex PTSD.

2013-present: Valium (5mg x 3) prescribed by pro-benzo doctor. Helped me sleep for awhile. Then sleep began to get worse again.

Nov. 2014 Switched doctors. New doctor was anti-benzo but thought a 3-month taper was a slow taper. Failed and reinstated. Added 25mg Seroquel for sleep.

March 2016 Reduced gabapentin by 20% by accident and backed up again. (Was trying to feel less sedated.) Reduced again more slowly to 200+200+300.

October 2016 Liquefied one V tablet. Neuropathy back immediately. Waiting to liquefy another.

November 2016 All 3 tablets now dissolved. I think the windows are getting a little more frequent but they don't last long. Sleep poor.

January 2017 Felt stable enough to try daily microtaper. Started at 3% and inched up to almost 10%. Became very unstable. Terrors back. Neuropathy back.

February 2017 Holding again. Slow improvements.

March 2017 Neuropathy back to tolerable. Making very tiny cuts, about 3%/month.

April 2017 Hold. Lot of stress. Anxiety high and sleep terrible.

May 2017 Trying 1% cuts once/week of the V.


#699 SkyBlue

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 01:35 PM

Hi Shep! 

 

That all sounds really good. Keep up your amazing progress! 

 

I would be happy to talk about magnesium with you (as you may know there is also a forum thread on it). 

I'm pretty much obsessed with it! ! ! ! ;) 

 

It definitely takes a while to see what dosage is best for you, but well worth it.

 

I've discovered Natural Calm powder is super beneficial for me. I take about 325 mg at night, and am experimenting

with adding more through the day. 

In addition to that, I'm using magnesium spray (either homemade or commercially made) to try to up my intake. 

There is also magnesium lotion (I told you I was obsessed!!!) that I put on my legs after a strenuous workout that seems to help with muscles and possibly restless legs.

 

I really hope you try it and it works for you!


Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" in July 2015 from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: March: 0.82 mg Paxil. Jan 1:  .88 mg, baby!! …. August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression likely caused by (then-undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder. 

Rapid "taper" July 2015 and started Zoloft as a "cross-taper". Feb 2016: Found SA!! As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts (Brassmonkey Slide!). 

Now: fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditation, & a new doctor.  I am in recovery from an eating disorder!!!  ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.* 


#700 Shep

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 04:18 AM

Shep . I'm glad you stopped the aspirin.  On another note,  I didn't realize you weren't supplementing with magnesium.

 

I do credit Magnesium to a large extent in softening some of my withdrawal symptoms. I won't say " getting rid of " but just helping in a lot of ways. As you know I keep supplements to a minimum but Magnesium has been a staple throughout this experience . I would agree that you should try it in a small dose to start with.

 

I would keep up with the baths as well as it's 1. relaxing / muscle easing   2. another way of getting the magnesium. Obviously - not all at once but perhaps a part of the routine long term , maybe re- introduced when you get your initial supplemental dose right.

 

" Awakening mindfulness " is awesome if you can manage it. I can't do it too often but I strive for more. I will be interested to know how you go.

 

I might have to get one of these light boxes. :unsure:   

 

 

Thanks for your post, Ali. It means a lot because I know how resistant you are to drugs and even to supplements, so if it's that important to you, then I know I should research and try it. 

 

I'm getting some magnesium in foods such as spinach, dark chocolate, and certain types of fish, but I think I would benefit from a supplement.

 

Yes, I'll definitely let you know how the wakening mindfulness goes. I'm looking forward to experimenting with it and learning. 

 

Yes, if you're interested in trying a light box, it might be worth a go. It's supposed to be good for the winter time. 

 

I was very happy to read your latest update. You're doing great.  :)


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#701 Shep

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 04:22 AM

 

 

So my goal is to find some guided meditations to listen to while using my light box.

 


 

What light box do you use?

 

on another note, I have been taking magnesium for years for my atrial fibrillation (although I recently learned I was taking the wrong kind and switched to the one recommended for afib; Magnesium taurate)
I found that the heart palpitations definitely lessen with the new magnesium- I take one capsule twice a day.

Maybe it will help you?

 

 

 

Hi, Catnapt.

 

I use a SunStation lightbox. It looks like this:

 

http://cdn2.bigcomme...80.1280.jpg?c=2

 

I got it maybe 10 years ago, so it's an older one. 

 

Thanks for the tip on the magnesium. I've been reading over the magnesium thread here on SA and I'm thinking I may try a tiny dose of magnesium glycinate. The article mentions that it may be gentler on the stomach, and that's really my weakest link when it comes to foods and supplements. I'll have to read about the taurate kind, too. I'm glad it's helping you. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. Thanks for your post. 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#702 Shep

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 04:27 AM

Have you looked at the "Insight Timer" app for iPhone, smartphone?   It has a ton of good guided meditations which you can sort in many different ways.  There are a couple which are "morning mindfulness" in nature that might resonate.

 

 

 

Thanks, Andy!

 

I just downloaded it and now my Droid is happy. :)  I'm looking forward to all of the cool meditations in so many different categories. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. Thanks for the tip. 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#703 Shep

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 04:28 AM

Shep, I have been trying to read the stuff on here especially between you and Andy but my brain just can't get around it. Very frustrating.

 

MN

 

Hi, MNgal. The good news is this thread isn't going anywhere and you're welcome to stop by anytime and read and post. 

 

Please come back when you're feeling better.

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#704 Shep

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 04:32 AM

Hi Shep! 

 

That all sounds really good. Keep up your amazing progress! 

 

I would be happy to talk about magnesium with you (as you may know there is also a forum thread on it). 

I'm pretty much obsessed with it! ! ! ! ;)

 

It definitely takes a while to see what dosage is best for you, but well worth it.

 

I've discovered Natural Calm powder is super beneficial for me. I take about 325 mg at night, and am experimenting

with adding more through the day. 

In addition to that, I'm using magnesium spray (either homemade or commercially made) to try to up my intake. 

There is also magnesium lotion (I told you I was obsessed!!!) that I put on my legs after a strenuous workout that seems to help with muscles and possibly restless legs.

 

I really hope you try it and it works for you!

 

 

Thanks, SkyBlue.

 

I appreciate your post very much because I'm just starting my research on magnesium, so it's good to have reports of what is helping others in withdrawal.

 

I hadn't heard of Natural Calm, but I wrote it down.

 

I'm going to stop by this organic store near where I work this evening and talk to them about the different supplements they sell. So now I have a few types of magnesium so I can ask questions. 

 

I hadn't thought about using a spray, but that may actually be easier on the GI system than tablets.

 

I'm glad it's working for you. Thanks for your post. 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#705 MNgal1960

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 05:38 AM

 

Shep, I have been trying to read the stuff on here especially between you and Andy but my brain just can't get around it. Very frustrating.

 

MN

 

Hi, MNgal. The good news is this thread isn't going anywhere and you're welcome to stop by anytime and read and post. 

 

Please come back when you're feeling better.

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 

 

:)


2005-2006 Rapid taper off of Zoloft. Horrible but survived. Adverse drug reaction to Prozac.

2010-2013 Night panics. All typical sleep aids failed. Diagnosed with complex PTSD.

2013-present: Valium (5mg x 3) prescribed by pro-benzo doctor. Helped me sleep for awhile. Then sleep began to get worse again.

Nov. 2014 Switched doctors. New doctor was anti-benzo but thought a 3-month taper was a slow taper. Failed and reinstated. Added 25mg Seroquel for sleep.

March 2016 Reduced gabapentin by 20% by accident and backed up again. (Was trying to feel less sedated.) Reduced again more slowly to 200+200+300.

October 2016 Liquefied one V tablet. Neuropathy back immediately. Waiting to liquefy another.

November 2016 All 3 tablets now dissolved. I think the windows are getting a little more frequent but they don't last long. Sleep poor.

January 2017 Felt stable enough to try daily microtaper. Started at 3% and inched up to almost 10%. Became very unstable. Terrors back. Neuropathy back.

February 2017 Holding again. Slow improvements.

March 2017 Neuropathy back to tolerable. Making very tiny cuts, about 3%/month.

April 2017 Hold. Lot of stress. Anxiety high and sleep terrible.

May 2017 Trying 1% cuts once/week of the V.


#706 Shep

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 01:01 PM

Doing some data entry at work and listening to Dr. Richard Wolff's latest video. He's my favorite Marxian economist.

 

In the first 15 minutes of this video, he explains why the republican congress is trying to dismantle the Affordable Care Act (ACA). 

 

Global Capitalism: Fixing Capitalism v Moving to Another System - VIDEO

 

So it seems that the ACA was subsidized by the wealthy. The medicare extension was paid for by .9% tax on earned income over $200,000 for individual and $250,000 for couples. And there was an additional tax of 3.8% net investment income tax on income from wealth (i.e. stocks and bonds) again for people making over $200,000 individual and $250,000 per couple. 

 

So yeah, the ACA is going to be dismantled so the people who broke the financial system can get, once again, a bail out. And the rich can get yet another tax cut. In fact, millionaires will get 80% of the tax reduction that comes from NOT having the ACA, according to the Center for Budget and Policy Priorities. And who benefits the most? According to that article, "Multi-millionaires would benefit even more.  The top 0.1 percent of filers — those with incomes above $3.8 million (and incomes averaging about $7.5 million) — would receive tax cuts of more than $195,000 apiece on average."

 

And which industry pay CEO's the most? Yes, it's healthcare, according to Wolff's talk. And I went and checked the data. And yep, here it is:

 

If You Want to Be a Rich CEO, Work in Health Care

 

Now the ACA has problems. It has HUGE problems, but I can almost guarantee when it's revamped this way, the benefits will be sent to the top. 

 

Since income inequality is a major part of the problem with our mental health, at least for some of us, this seems relevant. 

 

I was wondering what exactly what was going on, and now I know - it's the corporate coup d'état. And it's only January. . . . 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#707 MNgal1960

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Posted 14 January 2017 - 05:18 PM

Yes, it's very sad. I can't even bring myself to watch the video. :(


2005-2006 Rapid taper off of Zoloft. Horrible but survived. Adverse drug reaction to Prozac.

2010-2013 Night panics. All typical sleep aids failed. Diagnosed with complex PTSD.

2013-present: Valium (5mg x 3) prescribed by pro-benzo doctor. Helped me sleep for awhile. Then sleep began to get worse again.

Nov. 2014 Switched doctors. New doctor was anti-benzo but thought a 3-month taper was a slow taper. Failed and reinstated. Added 25mg Seroquel for sleep.

March 2016 Reduced gabapentin by 20% by accident and backed up again. (Was trying to feel less sedated.) Reduced again more slowly to 200+200+300.

October 2016 Liquefied one V tablet. Neuropathy back immediately. Waiting to liquefy another.

November 2016 All 3 tablets now dissolved. I think the windows are getting a little more frequent but they don't last long. Sleep poor.

January 2017 Felt stable enough to try daily microtaper. Started at 3% and inched up to almost 10%. Became very unstable. Terrors back. Neuropathy back.

February 2017 Holding again. Slow improvements.

March 2017 Neuropathy back to tolerable. Making very tiny cuts, about 3%/month.

April 2017 Hold. Lot of stress. Anxiety high and sleep terrible.

May 2017 Trying 1% cuts once/week of the V.


#708 Shep

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Posted 14 January 2017 - 05:23 PM

I hear you, MNGal. But the good news is they haven't officially done anything yet with the Affordable Care Act. 

 

And there are a LOT of protests going on, so I'm hoping that getting the word out that this is something we need to care about translates into the people being able to affect change. Change that WE need, not corporations. 

 

This country is so backwards. Healthcare isn't a right or a privilege - it's justice, plain and simple. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way, MN. I hope this weekend is better. 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#709 Shep

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Posted 24 January 2017 - 02:48 AM

Update - magnesium 

 

Just a quick note that I added in magnesium, starting at 25 mg and I worked up to 100 mg. So far, my sleep is improving overall, although I did go through a brutal wave of 1.5 - 2 hour nights and am now returning to 5 - 6 hour nights again. 

 

Magnesium actually makes me sleepy, but doesn't keep me asleep all night. 

 

I'm reading about a few supplements that can help with early morning waking, but it's too soon to add anything more. 

 

So far, this has been a good supplement with only a few minor GI issues that have resolved. 

 

I'm going to leave it at this low dose for a few more weeks before increasing or adding another supplement for early morning waking. 

 

Cognitive skills are continuing to improve and sleep is continuing to improve (interrupted by waves). 

 

The only symptom I have that has yet to improve is dp/dr. 

 

But I'm happy for now with improved sleep. 

 

 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#710 Mort81

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 11:10 AM

Hey Shep I was curious about a symptom you may have had. I'm having difficulty breathing and swallowing. I'm pretty sure it's because of an inflamed esophagus but I don't have my scope until hopefully next week. I've never had a symptoms like this. Although I've had gerd before pretty bad. But never affected breathing. Did you have something like this?

Thanks Shep hope you are okay, love casually reading your thread your positivity is uplifting :)
Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th Clonazapam. Currently 0.10mg daily. PPI Dexlant 20-30mg for last 29 months currently at 30mg

#711 Mort81

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 11:58 AM

It feels like when the liquid goes down like a soup or smoothie its like it coats my esophagus and I struggle to breathe. Solid food is slightly better but still not normal..

Also good on you to try magnesium it's been a huge help for me, I slowly worked up to 200 mg and it makes some of my symptoms so much better. Restless legs especially and easier to relax and sleep
Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th Clonazapam. Currently 0.10mg daily. PPI Dexlant 20-30mg for last 29 months currently at 30mg

#712 MNgal1960

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 12:23 PM

Hope your sleep is still getting better, Shep. Sleep is such a gift!


2005-2006 Rapid taper off of Zoloft. Horrible but survived. Adverse drug reaction to Prozac.

2010-2013 Night panics. All typical sleep aids failed. Diagnosed with complex PTSD.

2013-present: Valium (5mg x 3) prescribed by pro-benzo doctor. Helped me sleep for awhile. Then sleep began to get worse again.

Nov. 2014 Switched doctors. New doctor was anti-benzo but thought a 3-month taper was a slow taper. Failed and reinstated. Added 25mg Seroquel for sleep.

March 2016 Reduced gabapentin by 20% by accident and backed up again. (Was trying to feel less sedated.) Reduced again more slowly to 200+200+300.

October 2016 Liquefied one V tablet. Neuropathy back immediately. Waiting to liquefy another.

November 2016 All 3 tablets now dissolved. I think the windows are getting a little more frequent but they don't last long. Sleep poor.

January 2017 Felt stable enough to try daily microtaper. Started at 3% and inched up to almost 10%. Became very unstable. Terrors back. Neuropathy back.

February 2017 Holding again. Slow improvements.

March 2017 Neuropathy back to tolerable. Making very tiny cuts, about 3%/month.

April 2017 Hold. Lot of stress. Anxiety high and sleep terrible.

May 2017 Trying 1% cuts once/week of the V.


#713 Martina23

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 12:54 PM

Shep, I envy you so much that the only thing which you still have to improve is dp/dr.
05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-
symptoms OCD

#714 Shep

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 04:04 AM

Hey Shep I was curious about a symptom you may have had. I'm having difficulty breathing and swallowing. I'm pretty sure it's because of an inflamed esophagus but I don't have my scope until hopefully next week. I've never had a symptoms like this. Although I've had gerd before pretty bad. But never affected breathing. Did you have something like this?

Thanks Shep hope you are okay, love casually reading your thread your positivity is uplifting :)

 

 

I had something called dysphagia, which makes swallowing very, very difficult. For awhile, I went on a mostly liquid diet, relying heavily on liquid smoothies, yogurt, and soups. But it didn't affect breathing.

 

I was going to link you to the thread on swallowing and throat problems, but I see you've already posted there and are getting feedback.

 

I hope you get a good report from your doctor, but it's crime that they think it's connected to anxiety and you need a psychiatrist!  :mad:

 

Hang in there, Mort. The best recourse we have when we're being accused of mental illness is to remain calm, collected, and as informed as possible.  


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#715 Shep

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 04:06 AM

Hope your sleep is still getting better, Shep. Sleep is such a gift!

 

Thanks, MNgal. I appreciate this, yes, sleep is definitely a gift.

 

I'm having good nights and bad nights and they seem to alternate, so I stay busy with my favorite distractions when I can't sleep and sleep when I can. 

 

I hope yours is improving, too. 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#716 Shep

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 04:18 AM

Shep, I envy you so much that the only thing which you still have to improve is dp/dr.

 

Hi, Martina.

 

Yes, I am grateful for the symptoms that have eased. But dp/dr comes with a lot of memory problems, visuals, and disassociation, so it's the most difficult symptom I've had. 

 

It's a "protective" state, as it removes a lot of fear by emotional blunting (depersonalization), but at the same time, it removes the joy of life. 

 

It's hard to remember what life was like before dp/dr, as it was also a side effect of these drugs for 30 years. 

 

I'm hoping to part ways with it at some point. 

 

I hope you are doing well and seeing some of your symptoms resolve, too. 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#717 Mort81

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 12:20 PM

Thanks Shep! Ya mine seems a little bit different, swallowing does seem like a problem but liquids don't help as it feels more of a constricted feeling . I did a liquid diet for 10 days. I'm pretty sure now after a few tests that it's epshogeul spasms which can feel pretty bad but they get weaker as my body tireds so maybe now if im not feeding into it, than it can resolve quickly. Most Doctor's are awful Shep. Biggest nightmare of my life dealing with the ones with no bedside manner. But I've met a few nice ones on the way.
Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th Clonazapam. Currently 0.10mg daily. PPI Dexlant 20-30mg for last 29 months currently at 30mg

#718 Shep

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 01:36 PM

Thanks Shep! Ya mine seems a little bit different, swallowing does seem like a problem but liquids don't help as it feels more of a constricted feeling . I did a liquid diet for 10 days. I'm pretty sure now after a few tests that it's epshogeul spasms which can feel pretty bad but they get weaker as my body tireds so maybe now if im not feeding into it, than it can resolve quickly. Most Doctor's are awful Shep. Biggest nightmare of my life dealing with the ones with no bedside manner. But I've met a few nice ones on the way.

 

I hear you, Mort. This has been an extremely frustrating journey. I do understand the frustration with doctors because it's hard to know who to trust anymore when the experts are the problem.

 

I do think most doctors are honest, and it's really the system that's broken.  

 

I hope your symptoms resolve soon.


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#719 Shep

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 02:06 PM

Update - Reporting on an awesome partial window  :) 

 

I'm having a really great partial window this afternoon. A sudden break from fatigue, which manifests as almost an "awakening" type of moment. 

 

Memory and cognitive function became suddenly enhanced. The head pressure lessened. 

 

I hadn't been listening to as much Mooji lately, as if I didn't need to.  Silly Shep. I should know better.  :rolleyes:

 

But I returned to it yesterday and this morning and I think that may have lead to this window. When I take a break from this kind of meditation, I tend to do worse. 

 

The weather was warm enough this morning to walk to work, and I practiced "tuning in" when I was walking to work, engaging all 6th of my senses into the walk's narrative. I think a walk is like an animal from mythology. It's a living and breathing experience with the trees, birds, and even the graffiti of the city patterning itself into forms and figures. You just have to pay attention and meet them where they are. 

 

I'm not sure if this is a break in dp/dr or simply a further mastery of it as a skillset. I think the latter, though. There seems to be more "added" to it instead of it leaving, like adding shapes, context, and story to shadows and random voices and bringing them into the narrative. 

 

Last night, I walked home and noticed the tunnel vision was much improved. There were lights in the building windows. Even my own building seems vacant during episodes of tunnel vision (it's a very large building with hundreds of residents, so not likely the case). Usually, I can't see the lights. It's like this abandoned fortress that bends and sways inside a state of derealization and the aftershock of my own brain damage. But last night, the lights were visible. The buildings looked solid, not underwater, more real, less mythical. 

 

So there's definitely an expansion of awareness, the inner night-light of the brain turned down due to brain damage and is now periodically coming on, a brief but poignant look into "memory" and "foresight".  

 

I just hope if the light inside my brain starts working, it won't affect the access into my mind, since that's where mindfulness is stored. For now, the visuals are under control and seem to be less of "hallucinatory" quality and more settled into "narrative" and "context". 

 

Sorry for the word salad. It's the best I could do to describe it. 

 

 


Locked up and forced onto drugs as a teenager - misdiagnosed manic depressive.
Developed dependency and stayed on cocktails of drugs for nearly 30 years.

My Intro: Shep's Journey

 

My List of Non-Drug Coping Skills - Non-Drug Coping Toolkit for DP/DR

Last drug cocktail: Seroquel, Halcion, Klonopin, Sonata, Vibrydd, and Dexetrine

After 30 years of polydrug use, completely med free May 22, 2015.

Remaining symptoms: dp/dr with memory problems and insomnia

 

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. 

 

 


#720 Madeleine

Madeleine

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 02:15 PM

Thank you for the positive update. It's uplifting for me and likely for others too.  Much appreciated. 


March 15/2017: 3.75 zyprexa; January 16/2017: 6.25 mg; down from 10 mg December 2016
200 zoloft. Tapering that next.






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