success ☼ Coldturkmama: Paxil 14 years, cold turkey, protracted withdrawal

[direstraits]

Hi,ctm

thanks for posting on my thread.

can you tell me what your symptoms are now...thanks

take care,ds

xx

[coldturkmama]

10 hours ago, AliG said:

CTM. We are on a similar time-frame and I understand your angst. For me, I really just want to be done with all of this right NOW. Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way. Much more patience and acceptance is needed yet before we get to the finish line.   

That is so true. Time is a real healer as well as diet and activity.

i have some very frustrating days/hours and just want it over too. 

 

[coldturkmama]

10 hours ago, direstraits said:

Hi,ctm

thanks for posting on my thread.

can you tell me what your symptoms are now...thanks

take care,ds

xx

 

Symptoms now in a window is what I'd call very very mild anxiety depending on life situations- so almost normal.

In a wave (which can be a few hours a day or many days in a row usually depending on my cycle) I can have everything from Paxil flu like symptoms, major anxiety, inability to relax, brain fog, insomnia, feel on the verge of a panic attack but rarely actually have one, overwhelmed feeling, low stress tolerance, brain zaps, tight head like it's in a vice,  body aches and pains, ruminating thoughts, and I'm sure I'm forgetting some.  :/

 

[DMV64]

Wow! Your wave description is exactly how I feel!!

[coldturkmama]

41 minutes ago, DMV64 said:

Wow! Your wave description is exactly how I feel!!

Pretty crappy hey?? Hugs 💕

[direstraits]

thanks for your reply,Ctm

I have most of these same symptoms except brain zaps and tight head...I have burning lower legs and feet, back,head,hands,blurry left eye,light sensitivity..

it's a crazy ride,eh?

hang in there,ds

[coldturkmama]

8 hours ago, direstraits said:

thanks for your reply,Ctm

I have most of these same symptoms except brain zaps and tight head...I have burning lower legs and feet, back,head,hands,blurry left eye,light sensitivity..

it's a crazy ride,eh?

hang in there,ds

How long have you been off??

[direstraits]

17 hours ago, coldturkmama said:

How long have you been off??

3 years and4 months except for a brief reinstatement in Oct. 2014.

[coldturkmama]

9 hours ago, direstraits said:

3 years and4 months except for a brief reinstatement in Oct. 2014.

 

So not too far behind me. Were you on it long? 

[direstraits]

about 6 months, but was on and off several ADs for 20 years before that( in my sig.)

[coldturkmama]

10 hours ago, direstraits said:

about 6 months, but was on and off several ADs for 20 years before that( in my sig.)

 

 

Signatures dont show on my phone fot some teason. :/

ah yes, many years of saris is hard for sure. Paxil was my only drug.

[coldturkmama]

On 2017-09-18 at 11:18 AM, direstraits said:

about 6 months, but was on and off several ADs for 20 years before that( in my sig.)

 

 

Signatures dont show on my phone fot some teason. :/

ah yes, many years of saris is hard for sure. Paxil was my only drug.

 

 

 

 

having a hard day but I'm just days away from my period so I'm sure that has something to do with it all. It's kinda funny that when I am having what I THINK is a not so great day and then I get slammed with a SUPER bad day it puts it all in to perspective....:/

 

[coldturkmama]

Almost four years out...tomorrow is my cold turkey Anniversary! 

I have been feeling pretty good for the past week as far as emotions go- although not perfect but pretty close. 

Physically im having the fake UTI symptoms reallllllly intensely which sucks! 

Id rather physical issues though, that's for sure. 

I have found it hard to be vulnerable here and write how it really has been over the past few years. I think it's because I've always been a very positive person, always wanting to look on the bright side and see the good in things etc 

but you know what?? There's nothing good about WD at all. 

If I had the last four years to do over, I'd come here for more support instead of trying to struggle through it alone. 

I hope you are all doing well. 💕

[coldturkmama]

Happy four years FREE to me!!!

[brassmonkey]

Congratulations on being off for four years. It is quite a milestone. May you see great improvement in the physical symptoms in the coming year. Please come and talk to us about the good or the bad, we like hearing from you.

 

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

 

Brass

[Loopylou]

Ive actually found someone who has fake uti symptoms. Im in month 6 of CT from sertraline and the uti symtoms drive me insane. I even got the test strips just tonpt my mind at ease.

happy 4 years off to you and hope you continue to get better and better 

[direstraits]

congrats on 4 years off mama!

I'm not far behind you.

I understand about the being vulnerable thing...I've felt the same way at times.

we're all rooting for you so don't be afraid to seek support when you need it.

wishing you lots of healing in the next year!

hugs,ds

xx

[coldturkmama]

Thank you all!  

i have a good support system at home and a great friend I met here who I email and crank about symptoms lol

i hope to see even more improvements over the next year.  

[Jake64]

wow interesting story, I'm on my 17th year of paxil.. It was a heaven sent in the begging, but within the last couple years I get panic attacks occasionaly and feel out of sorts. I'm thinking its a poopout which comes and goes.. but has been happening more often. I'm not sure if its just more stress in life that has me like this. I pray one day to have this illness gone!

 

[coldturkmama]

On 2017-11-04 at 12:10 AM, Jake64 said:

wow interesting story, I'm on my 17th year of paxil.. It was a heaven sent in the begging, but within the last couple years I get panic attacks occasionaly and feel out of sorts. I'm thinking its a poopout which comes and goes.. but has been happening more often. I'm not sure if its just more stress in life that has me like this. I pray one day to have this illness gone!

 

 

 

I understand!

i hope it is gone for good too 

[coldturkmama]

I can’t remember if I documented how much better my sleep is!

i used to lay awake for hours each night- sometimes 3 or 4 hours just laying awake. Finally, I sleep better than I have in years!

 

im feeling really blah/tired/nothing today and I hate that. Hopefully getting out for a drive helps. 

[coldturkmama]

waves suck!

just saying...

[DaisyBell]

Hey how are you going now coldturkmama?  You're about a year ahead of me in the withdrawal process.  Just wondering what it is like for you now - the good, the bad and the ugly?  Know we all heal differently  but I do believe there is some patterns. 

[coldturkmama]

21 hours ago, DaisyBell said:

Hey how are you going now coldturkmama?  You're about a year ahead of me in the withdrawal process.  Just wondering what it is like for you now - the good, the bad and the ugly?  Know we all heal differently  but I do believe there is some patterns. 

 

Hi

good days are amazing!!

bad days suck!

currently stuck in a wave and it’s terribly frustrating.

I used to get longer windows but everything is more choppy now. 

I can have a mixed bag day with some great hours and some terrible ones.

 

How are you doing?

 

[DaisyBell]

6 hours ago, coldturkmama said:

 

Hi

good days are amazing!!

bad days suck!

currently stuck in a wave and it’s terribly frustrating.

I used to get longer windows but everything is more choppy now. 

I can have a mixed bag day with some great hours and some terrible ones.

 

How are you doing?

 

I'm doing well - it's just recovery seems to be so gradual for me.  I hate DP/DR,  morning dread, anxiety over random things and light sensitivity! Living in hope they'll disappear this year.  

[DMV64]

Yes! I am ready for morning dread to go 

[coldturkmama]

I had a really good day today

i hope you all are doing well.

yesterday sucked...crazy how up and down  all this is. 

[brassmonkey]

Good to hear it CTM.

 

((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

 

Brass

[coldturkmama]

Every day is not a good day, but the good ones are really awesome.  

[coldturkmama]

Still plugging along

wonder when this will all be a bad memory.

Just about at 4.5 years off and I am amazed that this is still an ongoing battle. 

I had hoped I’d be 100% by now

 

some things are SO much better though & for that I am grateful!

 

when I was first on paxil I weighed 125 lbs & over the years (about 14-15 on paxil) I gained a lot of weight.  I had kids as well so it was not all Paxil’s fault lol

 

I topped the scales at 242 when I quit paxil cold turkey and I didn’t recognize my face anymore.

i had terrible acne, saggy skin, my face looked puffy and swollen and my body ached with pain. My back would go out all the time as well.

 

i also felt like a sprayed bug that was trapped behind a piece of plexiglass.

 

my eyes looked dull.

 

So finally after being off the drugs for almost 4.5 years I have begun to be able to lose weight. Before no matter what I did, I couldn’t lose! I’m finally down to 215, and have hopes that eventually I’ll get to 175ish.

my back NEVER goes out!! 

Sciatica nerve never acts up anymore.

 

Up until 2 months ago I still had horrible insomnia, but I decided to try cbd oil (slowly and cautiously) and although it hasn’t helped the anxiety (much) I SLEEP!!!!

i sleeeeep!!

i literally can go to sleep at 10:30 p.m. and not wake up again until 6 or 7 and I don’t sleep fitfully anymore!! I used to wake up a dozen times a night and toss/turn. 

I used to have the most broken sleep ever and it sucked sooo bad.

im so thankful I can sleep! 

 

I’m still lurking around, trying to make myself feel better reading success stories etc

its not an easy battle...

[direstraits]

Hi Ctmama,

good to hear from you!

I also thought I'd be doing so much better at this point, almost 4 years off.

glad you are doing better than you were...we'll get there eventually!

 

sorry to read what paxil did to you...it's such an evil drug!

 

you give me hope when you say you're finally starting to lose weight after 4 1/2 years,maybe there's hope for me yet...I'm also getting my thyroid checked.

 

I've thought about trying the CBD oil also....glad it's helped you with sleep.

 

well, keep hanging in there and let's hope healing comes soon for all of us here.

take care,ds

xx

[bhasski]

@coldturkmama

Great to hear about you feeling better.

Could you tell me what CBD oil u r using ?

[dj2010]

17 hours ago, coldturkmama said:

Still plugging along

wonder when this will all be a bad memory.

Just about at 4.5 years off and I am amazed that this is still an ongoing battle. 

I had hoped I’d be 100% by now

 

some things are SO much better though & for that I am grateful!

 

when I was first on paxil I weighed 125 lbs & over the years (about 14-15 on paxil) I gained a lot of weight.  I had kids as well so it was not all Paxil’s fault lol

 

I topped the scales at 242 when I quit paxil cold turkey and I didn’t recognize my face anymore.

i had terrible acne, saggy skin, my face looked puffy and swollen and my body ached with pain. My back would go out all the time as well.

 

i also felt like a sprayed bug that was trapped behind a piece of plexiglass.

 

my eyes looked dull.

 

So finally after being off the drugs for almost 4.5 years I have begun to be able to lose weight. Before no matter what I did, I couldn’t lose! I’m finally down to 215, and have hopes that eventually I’ll get to 175ish.

my back NEVER goes out!! 

Sciatica nerve never acts up anymore.

 

Up until 2 months ago I still had horrible insomnia, but I decided to try cbd oil (slowly and cautiously) and although it hasn’t helped the anxiety (much) I SLEEP!!!!

i sleeeeep!!

i literally can go to sleep at 10:30 p.m. and not wake up again until 6 or 7 and I don’t sleep fitfully anymore!! I used to wake up a dozen times a night and toss/turn. 

I used to have the most broken sleep ever and it sucked sooo bad.

im so thankful I can sleep! 

 

I’m still lurking around, trying to make myself feel better reading success stories etc

its not an easy battle...

thats great that your sleep is no longer broken, thats my main struggle at the moment, I tried CBD oil in the early months of withdrawal when was still very sensitive and it caused a huge reaction that took me weeks to recover from, I think I might of used too much though, what CBD oil are you using? what strength and how much do you take and at what time do you take it?

 

keep up the healing, take care

[coldturkmama]

7 hours ago, bhasski said:

@coldturkmama

Great to hear about you feeling better.

Could you tell me what CBD oil u r using ?

 

I am in Canada so cbd is illegal until June (yay!) lol so it’s only legal if you use it from industrial hemp...so that means I have to use hempworx which is way more expensive.  I have heard way better things about blue bird and lazarus when it comes to CBD.

 

i take the 750 bottle and I started slow: 1-2 drops a day for a week and then 2-3 drops for a week until I worked up to 5 drops. With a sensitive nervous system I didn’t want to rev things up more.

 

if I take it too close to bed I dream weird and am wayyyy restless but if I take it in the morning I sleep awesome. 

[coldturkmama]

22 hours ago, direstraits said:

Hi Ctmama,

good to hear from you!

I also thought I'd be doing so much better at this point, almost 4 years off.

glad you are doing better than you were...we'll get there eventually!

 

sorry to read what paxil did to you...it's such an evil drug!

 

you give me hope when you say you're finally starting to lose weight after 4 1/2 years,maybe there's hope for me yet...I'm also getting my thyroid checked.

 

I've thought about trying the CBD oil also....glad it's helped you with sleep.

 

well, keep hanging in there and let's hope healing comes soon for all of us here.

take care,ds

xx

 

My thyroid is under active but the Dr won’t treat it because it’s not bad enough 🙄

meanwhile you can feel like death when it is even a little out of whack, but the Drs look at tsh too much and not at the overall functionality of the thyroid.

 

If you do try cbd oil, the secret is to start very very slowwww. 

[coldturkmama]

6 hours ago, dj2010 said:

thats great that your sleep is no longer broken, thats my main struggle at the moment, I tried CBD oil in the early months of withdrawal when was still very sensitive and it caused a huge reaction that took me weeks to recover from, I think I might of used too much though, what CBD oil are you using? what strength and how much do you take and at what time do you take it?

 

keep up the healing, take care

 

I answered your question back there a few replies ago  

but in case you can’t find it, I take hempworx 750 5 drops mid morning because if I take it tooo late in the evening it makes me very restless and I can’t always sleep, and never enter a deep sleep.