coldturkmama

Coldturkmama: paxil 14 years, cold turkey, protracted withdrawal.

315 posts in this topic

 

 

 

Yes, CTM, I relate.  10 months out CT Efffexor.

Sucks so bad. What are your waves and windows like? Hourly...daily. ...weekly...or do you get good windows at all?

Kinda 4 hour blocks.  Whenever I feel at my worst, I can be pretty sure that within 4 hours I will feel at the very least not as bad.  This morning, I had bit when I felt like dying; 4-6 hours later, I felt darn near normal.  So weird.

So weird. I have odd patterns like that by times. Cant wait for this to be behind me.

So I have been dealing with thyroid issues but because the dr says my numbers are normal (even though they are the very lowest normal) they wont do anything for me. Very annoying. You'll hand me over as much or many antidepressants as I want right...lol

Thought that was kinda funny!

In the first of ct withdrawal I had racing heart and had it happen when I was at the dr for a check up. She sent me for an ekg and everything came back that something was off so I had to go see the cardiology dr.

So anyways he asked me some medication questions and I had told him I was four or so months off a cold turkey from paxil and he says "well that woildnt do anything at all...no withdrawal. "

Hahahaha lol I told him, "than you take it for 15 yrs and suddenly stop cold turkey, then tell me there is no withdrawal. "

The other day I went to my new dr and she listened as I told her about the ssri withdrawal I have been going through and I could have cried when she believed me, understood and said how horrible those drugs are and whyyyy wasnt I advised to taper etc. It's nice to habe someone in the medical field acknowledge the struggle.

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Hi back, coldturmama.  So glad you actually found a doctor who listened and knew about these drugs.  I'm afraid to go see any doctor anymore...because I haven't been so lucky.  I think I could relax a lot more if I had one who was actually on my side.

 

Hang in there....we'll make it one day.

 

KittyQ

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Great that an MD believed you. My dad is a retired surgeon, and he has come around to our point of view. He saw his high-achieving girl turn into a psychotic at age 49. God bless those doctors who trust us as we trust(ed) them.

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Great that an MD believed you. My dad is a retired surgeon, and he has come around to our point of view. He saw his high-achieving girl turn into a psychotic at age 49. God bless those doctors who trust us as we trust(ed) them.

I am glad your dad believed you!!

KittyQ, it sucks but some how it will get better....slowly but surely! ! :)

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Am I able to get a title change? Who would I ask?

New title: paxil 14 years, cold turkey, protracted withdrawal.

Think it would better reflect what has been happening.

 

Day before yesterday and yesterday I had a bit of a wi dow....partial window?

Last night laying in bed watching TV I felt very anxious all of a sudden for no reason. I had that overwhelming feeling, like I was on the verge of a panic attack, but I talked myself out of it and then it was gone, and I just had that restless feeling.

Sleep eluded me for a while, but I finally slept after a while. I used to dream really vividly, now sometimes I dont dream at all, and if I do, I dont remember it.

 

I hate how lately I havent had any big major looonnngggg windows, its more good hours, then not as good.....etc....anyone else relate? Is that basically partial windows? Not sure of terminology.

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Title changed  :) . Windows are windows, any improvement is a 'window' . It starts as a few minutes for some people,

I've even seen it reported as a few seconds, and for them it was amazing and gave hope that it really does get better. 

You will most likely find that your windows will become longer/clearer/brighter (maybe not all at once) and the waves

will get shorter and less intense as time goes by. A lot of the time the changes are so subtle that we can see them

before the poster does! Writing becomes clearer and posts longer and less desperate, yet they feel as bad as ever.

It is looking back that makes people see that there are improvements and that is why it's a good thing to keep a journal

or diary. I am one of those who thought I wasn't getting better when in a long wave, but was looking back one day and 

suddenly realised that things had improved, very slightly but improved all the same. 

It does get better, just hang onto that surfboard and ride that wave! 

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Title changed  :) . Windows are windows, any improvement is a 'window' . It starts as a few minutes for some people,

I've even seen it reported as a few seconds, and for them it was amazing and gave hope that it really does get better. 

You will most likely find that your windows will become longer/clearer/brighter (maybe not all at once) and the waves

will get shorter and less intense as time goes by. A lot of the time the changes are so subtle that we can see them

before the poster does! Writing becomes clearer and posts longer and less desperate, yet they feel as bad as ever.

It is looking back that makes people see that there are improvements and that is why it's a good thing to keep a journal

or diary. I am one of those who thought I wasn't getting better when in a long wave, but was looking back one day and 

suddenly realised that things had improved, very slightly but improved all the same. 

It does get better, just hang onto that surfboard and ride that wave! 

 

 

Thank you for that!  :) All of it!

I definitely know that things have improved if I really take a good step back and look back to what I was dealing with and going through last year at this time.  I remember holing up in my bedroom for days at a time, could barely function and praying, crying, paxil-flu, etc. Just horrible...so yep, definitely improving.  I really wish that I'd get a good LONG window for a few weeks (a break!) it would be lovely!  :)

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I had quit coffee back around Christmas, figured I'd drop anything that could stimulate the nervous system, etc.

So a few weeks after quitting coffee I started having the odd French Vanilla cappachino, not really thinking about caffeine being in THAT! 

Tonight after having a decent day, I went for a drive with my mother and daughter and had a french vanilla and then WHAM- anxiety kicked in a little while later.

Sooo I'll be quitting those now too I guess! 

I had started magnesium the other day and took that around the same time....I took it yesterday with no ill effect....so I guess it's probably the caffeine...

Kind of hard to figure everything out.

 

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I hope the magnesium helps!

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I hope the magnesium helps!

 

Me too....I just have a drug store brand...not sure if it needs to be better?  

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I guess it would depend on what "fillers" they use? But Alto seems to be the wise one about magnesium so perhaps she will weigh in here.

 

I just bought some epsom salts (Magnesium sulfate) with eucalyptus oils. Cant wait to take a bath.

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Thought I'd update a little more.

Lately I've had some brain zaps here and there...nothing major like some people go through but one or two a day feels painful and I can't imagine those who go through it a bunch of times a day! 

I have changed my diet a lot in the past while. Since right after Christmas I went wheat free, cut out all caffeine and allllllllllllllll processed foods besides the occasional french vanilla (which I am now quitting after realizing they still contain a lot of caffeine)....and I've tried to eat mainly veggies, and some meat/egg and nuts for protein.

I have been taking fish oil and now added magnesium to the mix.  I just bought a Jaimeson store brand, but I'm wondering if that is good enough? Does anyone know if I need a higher or better qualify magnesium supplement?  I did get a really great high quality fish oil because the natural path I saw a year ago told me that if I took the kind at the drug store I'd need to take 10 capsules to equal ONE capsule from the health food place. 

I've noticed memories coming back to me!!  That's one thing that I have struggled with...I don't have a lot of memories from the years I was on paxil, or the years just before...it's like I sort of remember things, but nothing super specific. Today lying in bed this morning, I had a memory come to me from when I was 20 or 21 and had traveled to Ottawa on the train alone, etc. 

I've noticed for the most part my fumbling speech is getting better.  I used to look around saying, "Where is the....oh...you know...that thing, that thing that- ughhh sweeps>? Where is the sweepy thing!!>???" and my husband would say, "The broom?" 

SO that's getting a bit better... which is good. 

I still get some very unpleasant things too...but I'm more able to talk myself out of it, to recognize that this is withdrawal and it will pass.  This is by far the most difficult thing I've ever gone through and I just want to shake people and get them to never go the antidepressant route if they can help it. 

 

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I guess it would depend on what "fillers" they use? But Alto seems to be the wise one about magnesium so perhaps she will weigh in here.

 

I just bought some epsom salts (Magnesium sulfate) with eucalyptus oils. Cant wait to take a bath.

 

 

I hope Alto does weigh in :)  That would be very helpful. The kind I am taking is just Jaimeson brand...I would love to know a better one. 

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I shopped around on Amazon…am at my parents' house today and can't see what brand I took. It's basically just a mineral, so I hope the store brand can deliver the benefit for you.

 

I also found a magnesium topical spray that a health food friend had sent me. (She runs a store in Las Vegas that sells supplements and related things.) It says to spray it on, then wipe it off. Seems to be in an oil formula…will report back if I try it and notice anything. The part about showering after you wipe it off was overwhelming :(

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I shopped around on Amazon…am at my parents' house today and can't see what brand I took. It's basically just a mineral, so I hope the store brand can deliver the benefit for you.

 

I also found a magnesium topical spray that a health food friend had sent me. (She runs a store in Las Vegas that sells supplements and related things.) It says to spray it on, then wipe it off. Seems to be in an oil formula…will report back if I try it and notice anything. The part about showering after you wipe it off was overwhelming :(

 

Yeah, that would be! I will continue looking around though. 

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Update on stuff:

 

Had a few good days that felt like windows but not 100% but better than waves. Anyway, though I felt better in a lot of ways (less anxiety, more energy, etc) I had some of the worst hip pain ever and several small brain zaps. Ugh!

Today I didnt feel the best...lots of stress tho...and one new weird symptom that has been happening for a little while (brain overwhelmed) which basically feels like.....hmmmm how to explain.....

Its like, if someone is telling me something stressful or scary my brain feels like it is overwhelmed, like I can't even explain...anyone else experience that?

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Hi coldturkeymama,

 

Welcome to SA! Although you have and are experiencing many WD sxs, it sounds like you are doing well considering that there many here who have tapered slowly and still go through so many sxs and even protracted WD. Sometimes I wonder if CT is the way to go. Tapering feels like a slow death sometimes.

 

I take my hat off to you that you are dealing with this while caring for your three kids. May you continue to see more improvements each and every day!!! BTW, I loved your response to the Doc who said you shouldn't be experiencing WD's. Happy to hear you found a more supportive doc!

 

Sunflower

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I aways put a happy spin on things, its what I do but cold turkey has dealt me some very hard blows. The first 6-9 months were hell on earth. The only thing that has gotten me through is my relationship with God and my awesome family support. I can't imagine going through this without them. Finding this site also has helped so much. ...but protracted withdrawal is exhausting. ...I just want it over.

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Edit// Right after I posted this it showed up...lol

 

I could have sworn I added other stuff here last night, I even had a reply to it in my inbox but now it's not showing up. Odd! 

Anyway, I just wanted to UPDATE things....

 

15 months out now and Feb 16th will be 16 months out...time is flying by. Heal brain- heal! 

I had gone through a few weeks (back a few months ago) where I constantly felt like I was on the verge of a huge panic attack that never came.

These past few weeks I've been experiencing this weird sensation where my brain feels overloaded.  I wondered if anyone else ever experienced this?

It's like,  if my mom is telling me about something in the news that is upsetting or I happen to hear something upsetting it's like my brain feels overwhelmed and wants to be anywhere else....like I can't take in any of that information. It's a real weird feeling.  Coupled with the head pressure that I still have quite often, it's a lot for a person to deal with. 

 

I hate it!

And it seems when the head symptoms feel better (ie: less anxiety, less head pressure, etc)  the physical symptoms rev up.  I went through a horrible few days of the worst hip pain I have ever had.  Came and left from out of no where.

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I find it hard to get anyone to reply to my posts but figure I'll update anyway.

Having a very very stressful few days....financial stuff popped up, dad was rushed to hospital and we could have lost him but God is awesome and he's doing good. I handled all the stress pretty awesome, but some head pressure and mild anxiety came to hang out today.

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I find it hard to get anyone to reply to my posts but figure I'll update anyway.

Having a very very stressful few days....financial stuff popped up, dad was rushed to hospital and we could have lost him but God is awesome and he's doing good. I handled all the stress pretty awesome, but some head pressure and mild anxiety came to hang out today.

 

Hi coldturkeymama, I suppose my name could be coldturkeydadda,

 

I am happy to hear you handled the stress well. I have head pressure too lately as part of a wave, not in response to stress.

 

I don't get too many responses to my posts either. I guess since I'm not in dire need of urgent help and guidance. So I'll try to be happy that I'm being "triaged" over, I suppose.  Or maybe I'm just loathsome.... lol

 

I hope your Dad continues to do well, and that your finances stop giving you worry.

 

The SSRIs are long gone out of our systems, and we continue to heal. The waves keep coming, and can be confusing, alarming and disheartening.

 

I continue to improve in some areas, while the WD pops up and sends me for a loop here and there. 

 

Keep posting!

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Yeah I kinda figure thats it....I've been in the dire straights and don't wish that on anyone....so if that means no one wants to talk when Im dealing with a wave, I guess that's okay lol

Could still use the support though, its difficult when waves hit. How are you feeling?

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Hey, I always read your thread. You are one of my favorite peeps, Mama. I'm usually feeling so poppy that all I seem to be able to do is lurk and read for hundreds of hours. Please keep posting. I'm listening and hugging you.

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**poopy** I meant to say.

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It's funny because I follow Clearday too. So here we are! The three Cold Turkeyteers!

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Westcoast is another keeper. Hilarious.

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I'm feeling pretty good today, thanks for asking CTmamma. My head has some pressure and the ringing is there. The waves are getting shorter in duration and less intense overall. Two months of this ear ringing stuff now. I have reason to hope that it will slowly subside. These WD waves always amaze me. I just can't believe we're stuck in this wave and window world for so long. The whole thing is just so weird. Boy, our nervous systems are NOT happy about what we did to them with SSRIs! It's like we live in the dark ages with medieval medicine or something. But at least in medieval times, no one went through SSRI WD!  

 

So, fellow Cold Turkeyteers - Gobble gobble..........I just posted a corny joke on my thread. At least my funny bone isn't fried from WD. OR maybe it is, I'll let ya'll be the judge... :blink:  

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Your funny bone is definitely intact!

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ty!  :lol: ....Goodnight to you .....I now will drift off to sleep to the soothing sound of.....the inside of my head RINGING..... :wacko:  :lol: ....but it's ok, somehow I fall asleep and sleep well for three months now. How the brain ignores the ringing is a miracle of nature. Just amazing.... Hope you all feel better soon - I wish you some good days -

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Hey there. :)

 

I just wanted to drop by for support.

 

It took a long while when I first got to this forum for anyone to respond to me too. But, it will come along..I promise. Anyways, I'm here. :P

 

Will check up on you soon.

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Thanks guys :) appreciate the virtual hugs and support. So difficult going through this stuff alone without anyone to talk to who reallllllly gets it. My mom and husband rock, so that's awesome but it's good to have support from those who deal with it too.

 

Clearday: I'm glad you havent lost your sense of humor! I havent either! Lol realllllly glad someone is reading. ;)

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Hey Mama! How are you feeling today? Giving you ((hugs and prayers)).

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Thanks! Feeling realllly really tired today even though I slept pretty decent amd slept in too. My dad goes for surgery today so its a lil scary but overall I feel confident that he will be fine.

How are you today?

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just wanted to stop by and offer support to you :)

 

hope your dad's doing OK too

 

take care-ds

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Thank you so much :) actually had quite a good day. My dad is doing awesome!

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