success ☼ Coldturkmama: Paxil 14 years, cold turkey, protracted withdrawal

[NaturalBorn]

Well, I know that the symptoms have changed a lot from what they were. I hardly ever get the paxil flu stuff any more (stomach issues, chills, etc).

I thought the brain zaps were gone but they came back, but usually only 1 or 2 a day. I used to have horrible head pressure but now I only get that once in a while, but when I do it seems SO bad because I after not having it, it just is so cappy to have it back.

I still get insomnia once in a while but not like before. Before I'd wake up at 3 a.m. every morning for hours and it would last for weeks. Now I get a lot more sleep but will wake up wide awake at 4 or 5 some times but not often.

I get waves of pain, where I'll feel worse emotionally and great pain wise but when the pain goes away the emotional stuff is worse. So weird

 

I would say compared to so many people, especially cold turkey from 14 or 15 yrs of paxil , I'm doing good.

good to know, i wish i had the strengh to keep on going after my first cold turkey attempt, i think i would be a little better by now, instead i just waited 4 months of horrific withdrawal then reinstaed, i might just have screwed up things more by doing this... it's great to see that you had improvements, that brings me hope

wishing the best for you CTmama, hope someday we get the chance to write sucess stories

[coldturkmama]

I wish you the same!

[coldturkmama]

Today is my 3 year cold turkey Anniversary!

For those who don't know, I was on pail for 14-15 yrs @ 20mgs and it pooped out on me (altho I didn't know that's what was happening at the time) so the Dr recommended upping to 40mgs. I did okay on that for a few months but then it's like the bottom fell out and nothing was working.

I was a mess.

I ended up deciding to just quit, after all my Dr had never once mentioned NOT quitting or needing to taper, etc.

A month or so passed and I felt better than I had in a lonnnnggg time.

When December rolled around that's when the torture began.

The first 6 months were probably the worst time of my life. Between physical pain & mental anguish, horrendous head pressure, paxil flu, etc- it was bad. I remember 9-11 month very bad as well. It slowly began to break up in to Windows and waves. It was quite some time before I had found pail progress and realized what was happening to me.

Knowing what it was helped me a lot.

3 years later and I feel so much better than before. I'm not 100%, but I'm getting there.

If I could give 1 piece of advice it would be never to cold turkey, it's not worth it.

[brassmonkey]

Congratulations on making the three year mark. That's quite an accomplishment. It's so nice to hear that things have improved so much over the past year.  It should just keep getting better and better.

 

Here's to a much better year four.

 

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

[tntd]

Happy Anniversary!!!! I'm so glad things have been getting so much better for you. 

 

Here's to continued health and healing and wonderful upcoming year.

 

{{{{Hugs}}}}

[coldturkmama]

Thank you!!

Compared to so many people I've been able to do so much, I've presses through. Without my mom, husband and God I don't know what I'd have done.

[MNgal1960]

Just popped in to say hi and see you have hit the 3 years of freedom mark! Congratulations!

[coldturkmama]

Thanks!

[dowdaller]

Hi, great thread I am 14 months off effexor and I am really having a tough time, your thread is great.

[coldturkmama]

It's NOT fun at all, trust me- I've been through so much and continue to heal more every week/month that passes. You can get through this. Hang in there!

[MNgal1960]

I am so encouraged to hear you are healing. Some day that will be me, too!

 

MN

[NaturalBorn]

Hi, great thread I am 14 months off effexor and I am really having a tough time, your thread is great.

had you expirienced any healing at all in this 14 months?

[coldturkmama]

I am so encouraged to hear you are healing. Some day that will be me, too!

 

MN

It will! And on bad days/hours I try to remember how far I've come.

[MNgal1960]

 

I am so encouraged to hear you are healing. Some day that will be me, too!

 

MN

It will! And on bad days/hours I try to remember how far I've come.

 

 

(((HUGS)))

[Chicago77]

Coldturkmama, 

 

I'm 8 months off Lexapro and was actually feeling pretty good the last 2 weeks for the first time. As of yesterday, I feel like I got slammed by a truck with terrible fatigue and brain fog. I read your thread and you had similar symptoms to me like the pain, etc. My pain was SO BAD the first 6 months. My pain and burning skin has been a lot better these last 2 weeks, so I'm hoping that is slowly fading away and getting better. Anyway, your thread inspired me today, so I thought I would just let you know.  I'm praying this fatigue and brain fog go away soon because it makes it nearly impossible to work. I can't afford not to work! 

[coldturkmama]

Oh yes the pain was so bad at times that I'd be in tears. I couldn't exercise because of it. I was just thinking the other day how amazing it is to.not have constant pain anymore!

I can see major improvements here lately in my 3rd year of healing. So happy! You will get through this!

[MNgal1960]

I'm so happy to hear your pain has let up. There is hope!

 

MN

[Chicago77]

CTM, 

 

When did you start noticing that things were getting better? I know everyone is different, just curious, Did you have a window first where symptoms were less severe and then eventually a window where you had no symptoms? Did you have severe fatigue or brain fog at all?

[coldturkmama]

I've had it all.

For example I couldn't remember certain words

I could be looking at the broom and would say "pass me the sweep thing" I still do that a bit but nothing like it was

 

I know things were pretty bad for me for the first year and I remember having better days and hours before that but it all runs together and I can't remember. The first year was definitely the worst.

 

Now I find myself still having waves/windows but things are a lot better. Waves aren't as intense.

[coldturkmama]

Oh me too, the pain used to be soo bad!

[Chicago77]

Thanks CTM! Glad you are doing so much better! It seems like you are definitely close to being recovered. I hope that things start to get better after that year mark for me. This is truly been the hardest thing I've ever gone through and some days I seriously don't even know how I've made it this far. Every day is just a struggle to get through. The extreme fatigue, pain, brain fog, etc Like I said before, the last 2 weeks was the first time my symptoms were not as severe, but they were still present 24/7. Maybe that's a sign of healing...I don't know. It's so hard to see the light when you are in the middle of darkness. 

[Chicago77]

Oh and you mentioned not being able to exercise when you had pain. 9 months ago I was running races and going to spin classes everyday. Now I feel like a 100 yr old woman walking around. Stiff joints, burning skin, pain everywhere. 

[MNgal1960]

Me, too, Chicago. Feel like I'm 100 years old. Kept having to sit down while in line to vote. Old people with canes were doing better than I was! Embarrassing! And the burning skin is often unbearable. I hang onto hope when I hear of people like CT actually seeing improvement.

 

BTW, used to live and teach in the far northern burbs, Chicago. Lots of happy memories. Had my kids in the Highland Park hospital. Used to mall walk with my SIL in that mega mall in Gurnee. Wonder if it's still there. Only my eldest has any memory of living in IL. I tell they they are officially Illinoisans and they cringe.

 

CT, I do that all the time. "Pass me the sweep thing." Yup.

 

MN

[Chicago77]

Yes me too MN! Although, I feel like I CT Lexapro because I didn't know how to properly taper and was eyeballing it every time I broke my pill into pieces. lol BIG MISTAKE! I didn't find SA until I was in the depths of WD. Ugh burning skin is terrible isn't it? I' literally have ice packs all over my body when I'm home or even take cold baths. What are your current symptoms MN? 

 

Glad you had happy memories in Chicago! It's a great city and Go Cubs! Where do you live now? 

[MNgal1960]

I live in a small town, so don't say more on open forums. Too easy to recognize me.

 

Yeah, could not believe the Cubs won the World Series. I was trying to explain the significance of that to my kids and they didn't get it. There's this whole joke about the Cubs and now nobody can use it for another 100 years.

 

I have body-wide neuropathy and panic attacks as my most bothersome symptoms. For some reason, cold packs don't really work for me.

 

I did a too-fast taper and reinstatement and now trying to do it right, but I think I did some pretty bad damage from past stupid things I did. Actually, the word is ignorant. It's the doctors who are stupid, This is their job to know this stuff and yet they aren't keeping up with things. And we suffer.

[coldturkmama]

My symptoms list in the start was long....

Ahem...

Major anxiety, like the worst.

100% unmotivated to do anything.

Panic

Racing heart

Pains in my shins that made me cry

Major lower back pain

Racing thoughts

Brain zaps

Tight band across forehead

Couldn't sit still

Agitation

Paxil flu

Crying jags

Insomnia

Waking to heart racing

Overwhelmed feeling

 

 

I can't remember all of it but that was the very worst.

I now have waves of Insomnia, some anxiety, brain zap once in a while, waves of pain but mostly that's good. My cycle (period) stirs things up but otherwise it's pretty typical windows and waves.

[Chicago77]

Wow! It really sounds like you've come a long way! Thanks for sharing! 

[Chicago77]

MN, 

 

I completely agree that doctors are the stupid ones!! 

[MNgal1960]

It is amazing and encouraging to hear how far you've come, CT. Some day I hope to be on the healing side of this, too.

[coldturkmama]

I struggle the most with anxiety in waves & head pressure,everything else has mostly gone.

At one point I had such bad heart issues they sent me for an EKG and I had to wear a monitor to make sure all was well. It was and they couldn't explain it but I knew it was the pail cold turkey.

[MNgal1960]

Oh my, that heart issue must have been quite a scare! I'm glad you checked out OK.

 

MN

[tntd]

Hi CTmama,

 

I see you are still having anxietyin your waves. Do you have a way that you handle the anxiety and do you find it effective at reducing it or does the anxiety come right back? Anxiety is one of my biggest problems, along with agoraphobia. I use mindfullness, meditations, breathing. None of it seems to really work. I tried an ice pack on my face once, same thing. I'm feeling very frustrated at not being able to deal with the high levels of anxiety.

 

I hope you are getting more windows than waves these days,

 

Hugs

[coldturkmama]

The anxiety sucks, I try to distract myself as much as possible. I also pray and read my Bible. It can be hard when it's bad but just powering through and keeping busy has helped the most. I also try positive reaffirmation and talking myself out of it helps

[tntd]

That makes me feel better I've been feeling like I must be doing something wrong since the coping skills aren't working except in the moment and I have to distract to stay sane. Of course as soon as I stop distracting the anxiety comes back to so all of the coping skills have the same results. They work in the moment. I suppose that makes sense since the anxiety isn't emotion based.

 

I hope you are having nice long windows and your waves are getting lighter and less often.  

 

Hugs

[coldturkmama]

No, I don't think you are doing anything wrong.

Did you cold turkey, or a fast taper or still tapering?

[tntd]

I cold turkeyed from one drug and am now having to taper from a benzo as I am having tolerance withdrawal symptoms from it. I was hoping to wait until I was completely through the CT withdrawal but kindling from previous benzo use had other ideas for my brain.

 

I started a very slow daily liquid micro taper of clonazepam and realized, after I had already made the cut for the day, that I needed to hold. So I have been holding since Nov 11. The symptoms slowly got worse but there was a lot of emotional stuff going on in the middle so that didn't help I'm sure. The 10th and 11th I barely held it together. Distraction barely did the trick. So now I need to figure out how to continue the taper without landing in the hell hole again!! (Sorry for the language, I just don't know how else to describe it).

 

The purple parts of my sig have the details of my CT and taper.