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Coldturkmama: paxil 14 years, cold turkey, protracted withdrawal.

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#37 coldturkmama

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Posted 21 January 2015 - 04:43 AM

Yes, CTM, I relate.  10 months out CT Efffexor.


Sucks so bad. What are your waves and windows like? Hourly...daily. ...weekly...or do you get good windows at all?
Kinda 4 hour blocks.  Whenever I feel at my worst, I can be pretty sure that within 4 hours I will feel at the very least not as bad.  This morning, I had bit when I felt like dying; 4-6 hours later, I felt darn near normal.  So weird.

So weird. I have odd patterns like that by times. Cant wait for this to be behind me.

So I have been dealing with thyroid issues but because the dr says my numbers are normal (even though they are the very lowest normal) they wont do anything for me. Very annoying. You'll hand me over as much or many antidepressants as I want right...lol
Thought that was kinda funny!
In the first of ct withdrawal I had racing heart and had it happen when I was at the dr for a check up. She sent me for an ekg and everything came back that something was off so I had to go see the cardiology dr.
So anyways he asked me some medication questions and I had told him I was four or so months off a cold turkey from paxil and he says "well that woildnt do anything at all...no withdrawal. "
Hahahaha lol I told him, "than you take it for 15 yrs and suddenly stop cold turkey, then tell me there is no withdrawal. "
The other day I went to my new dr and she listened as I told her about the ssri withdrawal I have been going through and I could have cried when she believed me, understood and said how horrible those drugs are and whyyyy wasnt I advised to taper etc. It's nice to habe someone in the medical field acknowledge the struggle.

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#38 KittyQ

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Posted 21 January 2015 - 06:11 AM

Hi back, coldturmama.  So glad you actually found a doctor who listened and knew about these drugs.  I'm afraid to go see any doctor anymore...because I haven't been so lucky.  I think I could relax a lot more if I had one who was actually on my side.

 

Hang in there....we'll make it one day.

 

KittyQ


KittyQ

CT off paxil-April 2009


#39 westcoast

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Posted 21 January 2015 - 03:34 PM

Great that an MD believed you. My dad is a retired surgeon, and he has come around to our point of view. He saw his high-achieving girl turn into a psychotic at age 49. God bless those doctors who trust us as we trust(ed) them.


2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:


#40 coldturkmama

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Posted 21 January 2015 - 04:51 PM

Great that an MD believed you. My dad is a retired surgeon, and he has come around to our point of view. He saw his high-achieving girl turn into a psychotic at age 49. God bless those doctors who trust us as we trust(ed) them.


I am glad your dad believed you!!
KittyQ, it sucks but some how it will get better....slowly but surely! ! :)

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#41 coldturkmama

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Posted 22 January 2015 - 04:20 AM

Am I able to get a title change? Who would I ask?
New title: paxil 14 years, cold turkey, protracted withdrawal.
Think it would better reflect what has been happening.

Day before yesterday and yesterday I had a bit of a wi dow....partial window?
Last night laying in bed watching TV I felt very anxious all of a sudden for no reason. I had that overwhelming feeling, like I was on the verge of a panic attack, but I talked myself out of it and then it was gone, and I just had that restless feeling.
Sleep eluded me for a while, but I finally slept after a while. I used to dream really vividly, now sometimes I dont dream at all, and if I do, I dont remember it.

I hate how lately I havent had any big major looonnngggg windows, its more good hours, then not as good.....etc....anyone else relate? Is that basically partial windows? Not sure of terminology.

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#42 mammaP

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Posted 22 January 2015 - 04:21 PM

Title changed  :) . Windows are windows, any improvement is a 'window' . It starts as a few minutes for some people,

I've even seen it reported as a few seconds, and for them it was amazing and gave hope that it really does get better. 

You will most likely find that your windows will become longer/clearer/brighter (maybe not all at once) and the waves

will get shorter and less intense as time goes by. A lot of the time the changes are so subtle that we can see them

before the poster does! Writing becomes clearer and posts longer and less desperate, yet they feel as bad as ever.

It is looking back that makes people see that there are improvements and that is why it's a good thing to keep a journal

or diary. I am one of those who thought I wasn't getting better when in a long wave, but was looking back one day and 

suddenly realised that things had improved, very slightly but improved all the same. 

It does get better, just hang onto that surfboard and ride that wave! 


**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

See how to create a signature here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12364-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Many drugs for many years, prescribed diazepam first 1973, took occasionally. 3 or 4 tricyclics  for short periods.

1993 had a breakdown leading to 10 years of drug experiments with all classes of psych drugs.

2002  effexor. 

Tapered by counting beads from March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

 

Also tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg -hold- Feb2016 46mg  March 8 2016 45 April 44mg  May 11  43mg June 14 42mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, pro biotic.

 

My story http://survivinganti...king-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

Following every sunset is a brand new day


#43 coldturkmama

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Posted 22 January 2015 - 05:34 PM

Title changed  :) . Windows are windows, any improvement is a 'window' . It starts as a few minutes for some people,

I've even seen it reported as a few seconds, and for them it was amazing and gave hope that it really does get better. 

You will most likely find that your windows will become longer/clearer/brighter (maybe not all at once) and the waves

will get shorter and less intense as time goes by. A lot of the time the changes are so subtle that we can see them

before the poster does! Writing becomes clearer and posts longer and less desperate, yet they feel as bad as ever.

It is looking back that makes people see that there are improvements and that is why it's a good thing to keep a journal

or diary. I am one of those who thought I wasn't getting better when in a long wave, but was looking back one day and 

suddenly realised that things had improved, very slightly but improved all the same. 

It does get better, just hang onto that surfboard and ride that wave! 

 

 

Thank you for that!  :) All of it!

I definitely know that things have improved if I really take a good step back and look back to what I was dealing with and going through last year at this time.  I remember holing up in my bedroom for days at a time, could barely function and praying, crying, paxil-flu, etc. Just horrible...so yep, definitely improving.  I really wish that I'd get a good LONG window for a few weeks (a break!) it would be lovely!  :)


Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#44 coldturkmama

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Posted 25 January 2015 - 03:25 PM

I had quit coffee back around Christmas, figured I'd drop anything that could stimulate the nervous system, etc.

So a few weeks after quitting coffee I started having the odd French Vanilla cappachino, not really thinking about caffeine being in THAT! 

Tonight after having a decent day, I went for a drive with my mother and daughter and had a french vanilla and then WHAM- anxiety kicked in a little while later.

Sooo I'll be quitting those now too I guess! 

I had started magnesium the other day and took that around the same time....I took it yesterday with no ill effect....so I guess it's probably the caffeine...

Kind of hard to figure everything out.

 


Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#45 westcoast

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Posted 25 January 2015 - 03:27 PM

I hope the magnesium helps!


2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:


#46 coldturkmama

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Posted 25 January 2015 - 03:29 PM

I hope the magnesium helps!

 

Me too....I just have a drug store brand...not sure if it needs to be better?  


Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#47 westcoast

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Posted 25 January 2015 - 03:39 PM

I guess it would depend on what "fillers" they use? But Alto seems to be the wise one about magnesium so perhaps she will weigh in here.

 

I just bought some epsom salts (Magnesium sulfate) with eucalyptus oils. Cant wait to take a bath.


2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:


#48 coldturkmama

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Posted 25 January 2015 - 03:42 PM

Thought I'd update a little more.

Lately I've had some brain zaps here and there...nothing major like some people go through but one or two a day feels painful and I can't imagine those who go through it a bunch of times a day! 

I have changed my diet a lot in the past while. Since right after Christmas I went wheat free, cut out all caffeine and allllllllllllllll processed foods besides the occasional french vanilla (which I am now quitting after realizing they still contain a lot of caffeine)....and I've tried to eat mainly veggies, and some meat/egg and nuts for protein.

I have been taking fish oil and now added magnesium to the mix.  I just bought a Jaimeson store brand, but I'm wondering if that is good enough? Does anyone know if I need a higher or better qualify magnesium supplement?  I did get a really great high quality fish oil because the natural path I saw a year ago told me that if I took the kind at the drug store I'd need to take 10 capsules to equal ONE capsule from the health food place. 

I've noticed memories coming back to me!!  That's one thing that I have struggled with...I don't have a lot of memories from the years I was on paxil, or the years just before...it's like I sort of remember things, but nothing super specific. Today lying in bed this morning, I had a memory come to me from when I was 20 or 21 and had traveled to Ottawa on the train alone, etc. 

I've noticed for the most part my fumbling speech is getting better.  I used to look around saying, "Where is the....oh...you know...that thing, that thing that- ughhh sweeps>? Where is the sweepy thing!!>???" and my husband would say, "The broom?" 

SO that's getting a bit better... which is good. 

I still get some very unpleasant things too...but I'm more able to talk myself out of it, to recognize that this is withdrawal and it will pass.  This is by far the most difficult thing I've ever gone through and I just want to shake people and get them to never go the antidepressant route if they can help it. 

 


Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#49 coldturkmama

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Posted 25 January 2015 - 03:43 PM

I guess it would depend on what "fillers" they use? But Alto seems to be the wise one about magnesium so perhaps she will weigh in here.

 

I just bought some epsom salts (Magnesium sulfate) with eucalyptus oils. Cant wait to take a bath.

 

 

I hope Alto does weigh in :)  That would be very helpful. The kind I am taking is just Jaimeson brand...I would love to know a better one. 


Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#50 westcoast

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Posted 25 January 2015 - 04:28 PM

I shopped around on Amazon…am at my parents' house today and can't see what brand I took. It's basically just a mineral, so I hope the store brand can deliver the benefit for you.

 

I also found a magnesium topical spray that a health food friend had sent me. (She runs a store in Las Vegas that sells supplements and related things.) It says to spray it on, then wipe it off. Seems to be in an oil formula…will report back if I try it and notice anything. The part about showering after you wipe it off was overwhelming :(


2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:


#51 coldturkmama

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Posted 25 January 2015 - 04:59 PM

I shopped around on Amazon…am at my parents' house today and can't see what brand I took. It's basically just a mineral, so I hope the store brand can deliver the benefit for you.

 

I also found a magnesium topical spray that a health food friend had sent me. (She runs a store in Las Vegas that sells supplements and related things.) It says to spray it on, then wipe it off. Seems to be in an oil formula…will report back if I try it and notice anything. The part about showering after you wipe it off was overwhelming :(

 

Yeah, that would be! I will continue looking around though. 


Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#52 Petunia

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Posted 30 January 2015 - 07:45 PM

This is what you need to answer your question about what kind of magnesium to get:

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

 

My Introduction Thread

 

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

 

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety)

Xanax PRN

Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes animal25.gif

 

Supplements which seem to help:  High doses of Vitamin C, Magnesium, Garlic and Ginger.  Taurine, Vit D3, L-Theanine and Inositol. I'm one of the rare people who react badly to fish oil.

 

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

 

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 


#53 coldturkmama

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Posted 06 February 2015 - 03:44 PM

Update on stuff:

Had a few good days that felt like windows but not 100% but better than waves. Anyway, though I felt better in a lot of ways (less anxiety, more energy, etc) I had some of the worst hip pain ever and several small brain zaps. Ugh!
Today I didnt feel the best...lots of stress tho...and one new weird symptom that has been happening for a little while (brain overwhelmed) which basically feels like.....hmmmm how to explain.....
Its like, if someone is telling me something stressful or scary my brain feels like it is overwhelmed, like I can't even explain...anyone else experience that?

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#54 sunflower

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Posted 06 February 2015 - 04:22 PM

Hi coldturkeymama,

Welcome to SA! Although you have and are experiencing many WD sxs, it sounds like you are doing well considering that there many here who have tapered slowly and still go through so many sxs and even protracted WD. Sometimes I wonder if CT is the way to go. Tapering feels like a slow death sometimes.

I take my hat off to you that you are dealing with this while caring for your three kids. May you continue to see more improvements each and every day!!! BTW, I loved your response to the Doc who said you shouldn't be experiencing WD's. Happy to hear you found a more supportive doc!

Sunflower
1998-2010. Zoloft 100 mgs.
3/2010. Switched to generic Z and began not to feel well.
7/2010. Estrogen patch added which caused severe depression.
8/2010 to 10/2010. Zoloft increased from 100 mgs to 200 mgs., Klonopin .25 mgs in am; .50 mgs pm; Remeron
.25 mgs. added by new doc
1/2011. Began tapering K; last dose of K 7/2011.
11/2011 Began Remeron taper; last dose of R 1/2012 (Tapered K & R by dry cutting)
1/2013 Began tapering Z from 200 mgs to 100 mgs by dry cutting
3/2013. Experiencing wd sx...took break
9/2013. Down to 150 mgs.
2/2014 - Present. 100 mgs Z
1-21-15. Began dry cutting 100 mgs.

#55 coldturkmama

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Posted 06 February 2015 - 05:29 PM

I aways put a happy spin on things, its what I do but cold turkey has dealt me some very hard blows. The first 6-9 months were hell on earth. The only thing that has gotten me through is my relationship with God and my awesome family support. I can't imagine going through this without them. Finding this site also has helped so much. ...but protracted withdrawal is exhausting. ...I just want it over.

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#56 coldturkmama

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Posted 07 February 2015 - 05:54 AM

Edit// Right after I posted this it showed up...lol

 

I could have sworn I added other stuff here last night, I even had a reply to it in my inbox but now it's not showing up. Odd! 

Anyway, I just wanted to UPDATE things....

 

15 months out now and Feb 16th will be 16 months out...time is flying by. Heal brain- heal! 

I had gone through a few weeks (back a few months ago) where I constantly felt like I was on the verge of a huge panic attack that never came.

These past few weeks I've been experiencing this weird sensation where my brain feels overloaded.  I wondered if anyone else ever experienced this?

It's like,  if my mom is telling me about something in the news that is upsetting or I happen to hear something upsetting it's like my brain feels overwhelmed and wants to be anywhere else....like I can't take in any of that information. It's a real weird feeling.  Coupled with the head pressure that I still have quite often, it's a lot for a person to deal with. 

 

I hate it!

And it seems when the head symptoms feel better (ie: less anxiety, less head pressure, etc)  the physical symptoms rev up.  I went through a horrible few days of the worst hip pain I have ever had.  Came and left from out of no where.


Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#57 coldturkmama

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Posted 09 February 2015 - 11:40 AM

I find it hard to get anyone to reply to my posts but figure I'll update anyway.
Having a very very stressful few days....financial stuff popped up, dad was rushed to hospital and we could have lost him but God is awesome and he's doing good. I handled all the stress pretty awesome, but some head pressure and mild anxiety came to hang out today.

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#58 clearday

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Posted 09 February 2015 - 12:23 PM

I find it hard to get anyone to reply to my posts but figure I'll update anyway.
Having a very very stressful few days....financial stuff popped up, dad was rushed to hospital and we could have lost him but God is awesome and he's doing good. I handled all the stress pretty awesome, but some head pressure and mild anxiety came to hang out today.

 

Hi coldturkeymama, I suppose my name could be coldturkeydadda,

 

I am happy to hear you handled the stress well. I have head pressure too lately as part of a wave, not in response to stress.

 

I don't get too many responses to my posts either. I guess since I'm not in dire need of urgent help and guidance. So I'll try to be happy that I'm being "triaged" over, I suppose.  Or maybe I'm just loathsome.... lol

 

I hope your Dad continues to do well, and that your finances stop giving you worry.

 

The SSRIs are long gone out of our systems, and we continue to heal. The waves keep coming, and can be confusing, alarming and disheartening.

 

I continue to improve in some areas, while the WD pops up and sends me for a loop here and there. 

 

Keep posting!


Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned.....

 

Prozac:   20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs

Zoloft:    2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg

Effexor:  2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. 

Lexapro:  10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to:

Lexapro:    5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:
Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016

Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now.

 

24 months SSRI-free  


#59 coldturkmama

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Posted 09 February 2015 - 06:47 PM

Yeah I kinda figure thats it....I've been in the dire straights and don't wish that on anyone....so if that means no one wants to talk when Im dealing with a wave, I guess that's okay lol
Could still use the support though, its difficult when waves hit. How are you feeling?

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#60 Pugknows

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Posted 09 February 2015 - 06:54 PM

Hey, I always read your thread. You are one of my favorite peeps, Mama. I'm usually feeling so poppy that all I seem to be able to do is lurk and read for hundreds of hours. Please keep posting. I'm listening and hugging you.
January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.
September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.
January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.
July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.
August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.
September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.
October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.
November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.
December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.
March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

#61 Pugknows

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Posted 09 February 2015 - 06:54 PM

**poopy** I meant to say.
January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.
September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.
January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.
July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.
August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.
September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.
October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.
November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.
December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.
March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

#62 Pugknows

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Posted 09 February 2015 - 06:57 PM

It's funny because I follow Clearday too. So here we are! The three Cold Turkeyteers!
January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.
September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.
January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.
July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.
August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.
September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.
October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.
November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.
December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.
March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

#63 Pugknows

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Posted 09 February 2015 - 06:59 PM

Westcoast is another keeper. Hilarious.
January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.
September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.
January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.
July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.
August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.
September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.
October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.
November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.
December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.
March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

#64 clearday

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Posted 09 February 2015 - 07:08 PM

I'm feeling pretty good today, thanks for asking CTmamma. My head has some pressure and the ringing is there. The waves are getting shorter in duration and less intense overall. Two months of this ear ringing stuff now. I have reason to hope that it will slowly subside. These WD waves always amaze me. I just can't believe we're stuck in this wave and window world for so long. The whole thing is just so weird. Boy, our nervous systems are NOT happy about what we did to them with SSRIs! It's like we live in the dark ages with medieval medicine or something. But at least in medieval times, no one went through SSRI WD!  

 

So, fellow Cold Turkeyteers - Gobble gobble..........I just posted a corny joke on my thread. At least my funny bone isn't fried from WD. OR maybe it is, I'll let ya'll be the judge... :blink:  


Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned.....

 

Prozac:   20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs

Zoloft:    2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg

Effexor:  2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. 

Lexapro:  10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to:

Lexapro:    5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:
Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016

Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now.

 

24 months SSRI-free  


#65 Pugknows

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Posted 09 February 2015 - 07:13 PM

Your funny bone is definitely intact!
January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.
September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.
January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.
July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.
August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.
September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.
October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.
November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.
December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.
March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

#66 clearday

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Posted 09 February 2015 - 07:19 PM

ty!  :lol: ....Goodnight to you .....I now will drift off to sleep to the soothing sound of.....the inside of my head RINGING..... :wacko:  :lol: ....but it's ok, somehow I fall asleep and sleep well for three months now. How the brain ignores the ringing is a miracle of nature. Just amazing.... Hope you all feel better soon - I wish you some good days -


Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned.....

 

Prozac:   20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs

Zoloft:    2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg

Effexor:  2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. 

Lexapro:  10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to:

Lexapro:    5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:
Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016

Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now.

 

24 months SSRI-free  


#67 Wildflower0214

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Posted 09 February 2015 - 07:53 PM

Hey there. :)

I just wanted to drop by for support.

It took a long while when I first got to this forum for anyone to respond to me too. But, it will come along..I promise. Anyways, I'm here. :P

Will check up on you soon.
2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....
5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

#68 coldturkmama

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Posted 10 February 2015 - 06:10 AM

Thanks guys :) appreciate the virtual hugs and support. So difficult going through this stuff alone without anyone to talk to who reallllllly gets it. My mom and husband rock, so that's awesome but it's good to have support from those who deal with it too.

Clearday: I'm glad you havent lost your sense of humor! I havent either! Lol realllllly glad someone is reading. ;)

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#69 Pugknows

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Posted 10 February 2015 - 06:13 AM

Hey Mama! How are you feeling today? Giving you ((hugs and prayers)).
January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.
September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.
January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.
July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.
August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.
September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.
October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.
November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.
December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.
March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

#70 coldturkmama

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Posted 10 February 2015 - 10:37 AM

Thanks! Feeling realllly really tired today even though I slept pretty decent amd slept in too. My dad goes for surgery today so its a lil scary but overall I feel confident that he will be fine.
How are you today?

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 


#71 direstraits

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Posted 10 February 2015 - 03:12 PM

just wanted to stop by and offer support to you :)

 

hope your dad's doing OK too

 

take care-ds


went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.also levothyroxine for hypothyroid.


#72 coldturkmama

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Posted 10 February 2015 - 07:33 PM

Thank you so much :) actually had quite a good day. My dad is doing awesome!

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 






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