Lightatendoftunnel1: Me again

[lightatendoftunnel1]

I feel obligated to post my success story for those who might be in the same situation i found myself in.  I think its more common than many people might think for ppl to recover and resume their lives and not talk about their recovery.

 

My story stars my sophomore year in college as i began to experience some anxiety.  Prior to this i was extremely happy and never had any depression or any other issues.  My doctor put me on lexapro and initially i tolerated it well as it took away my anxiety.  After a month or two on lexapro i started to realize it was taking away parts of me that i really liked as well.  The drug made me feel so numb inside that I couldnt feel anything at all.  Having always been a passionate person towards my family and girlfriend this was something that was very troubling to me.  I remember looking my longtime girlfriend( fiance now) in the eye and not being able to feel any love at all.  All of my hobbies and interests no longer interested me and i felt completely dead inside.  I had became extrememly depressed and felt like a zombie living in my own body.  

 

After 6 months i cut my dose from 10 mg to 5 mg and felt better.  Despite this i wasnt fully myself and after another 6 months on the 5mg i decided that i wanted off of it completely.  After this i found out that i tapered way too fast.  My first week of the drug i felt normal and back to the old me.  I came to realize that this was fools gold as I started to experience extreme restlessness.  This restlessness which i came to know as akathisia is the most horrific experience I can imagine.  I didnt know it was possible for a human to feel the way I did inside.  I cant explain it other than extreme internal torment and restlessness.  This akathisia made me not want to be alive. Other than the akathisia I had no energy or desire to do anything i was more depressed than I had every been.  I had weird physical symptoms as well , i felt like every nerve in my body was over active and i had constant muscle twitches, jerks and weird tremor sensations, not to mention the pssd.  Not to mention I was still completely numb i had no passion and couldn't "feel" love at all.  These symptoms lasted a lot longer then i hoped they would .  The suffering was intense for 6 to 8 months and it gradually began to lessen.  Now at 14 months off I feel 80 percent recovered.  Everything is starting to get back to normal and my happiness is returning.  I am truly thankful for others peoples stories when i was in the middle of my suffering which made me realize that somehow, someway this torment would come to and end.  I am very happy I pushed through I can feel love for my fiance and family again and you dont know how good that feels after its gone for a few years.

 

Some things that helped me were my faith in God and faith in my brains ability to heal itself.  Another thing that i found to help me out a lot when the akathisia was severe was benadryl , surprisingly this got me through some of the hardest times.  To everyone out there know that things will get better and that no matter how bad you feel now you will heal and will recover.

[WiggleIt]

Thank you for this, so much.

 

I also have many tremors, twitches, and jerks and I did such rapid tapers that they may as well have been cold turkey. I am older than you and was on more meds for longer than you, but there could be hope for me too. I was on nortriptyline for 1.5 years, then doc had me rapid taper down and switch to desipramine for ten months. Plus I was on occasional benzo throughout that time, too.

 

Three drugs, three years. I am 35.

 

You are SO young, so it's no surprise you healed. But, ya know, maybe God's got his chips on me, too.

[julianfrancois]

your story might as well be identical to mine. except the lexapro was the most effective drug ive ever taken. i had a history of anxiety and ocd and it completely evened me out. I started experiencing the symptoms when i tapered down to 10mg and slowly i got diffuse muscle and nerve pain and then full on muscle twitches, cramps and jerks, weakness, brain fog, and now acute akathisia and depersonalization ( which i think was induced by iv compazine i was given in the ER). its been 3 months off of the lexapro which i was on for about 2 and a half years. Im with you with the akathisia, its pretty acute but damn its enough to make me want to die; absolute torture and inescapable. you really take for granted your ability to sit still and chill out when you dont have it. when its at its worst, my sleep becomes more like staring at my eyelids, no rest and constant interruption. ive even contemplated going on something more mild like zoloft to see if it helps with it but ive done so much harm already ive got to ride this out. 

[WinningThrough]

As an akathisia sufferer, it is wonderful to see this success story. I'm so glad you're getting your life back. Thank you.

[Moonlitelotus]

How long were you on Lexapro?

[greentrain]

Thanks for posting. I was on Lexapro for 7 years and have been off for 8 months now, after a 4 month taper.

 

The suffering has been tremendous.

 

I've hit a most glorious window that I've been riding for the past 3 days and I truly understand now why people don't write recovery stories.

 

I have been talking about our future, planning vacations, and taking care of all kinds of things I've let slip...I think most people will agree that life is too awesome and precious when you recover to ever want to re-visit a terribly dark withdrawal. So, thank you for writing this and inspiring us on toward wholeness and healing. I know this window will end and I will need stories like yours to keep me focused on the end goal. Blessings. 

[Moonlitelotus]

I am so very happy for you I can't wait until I have the same experience! Congrats to you!

[Coopergirl1]

Thank you for sharing your stories, this gives me so much hope to recover from Lexapro! You made my day

[Offeverything27]

So your pssd went away?? What was it like?? I have no desire and limited function. Emotional numbness. I just read this and felt a little hope. I'm 5 months off Effexor.

 

Was your pssd just minor or complete loss of desire? Please respond!!

[lightatendoftunnel1]

Yes it did.  The physical part for me was present and obviously tough but the part that was the worst was the complete emotional flatness.  I felt absolutely nothing at all. I am an extremely passionate person and having no desire or love for anything was devastating.  I remember feeling like my soul was ripped right out of my chest and I was just a zombie walking around.  Luckily I allowed logic to prevail and wait it out and I started to get better in bits and pieces.  Parts of me would flash back and I would remember "Wow , that's how I used to feel".  I'm still not 100 percent but life is about 1000times better then it was 2 years ago and certainly better than last year as well.  My recovery has been slow and steady but I am confident I will get there.

[Theon]

so did you recover also the romantic feelings? and the enthusiasm and the excitement about things?

[Altostrata]

Thank you for joining us to tell us your success story, light.

 

I believe you are correct, the vast majority, who recover from withdrawal syndrome (if they know what it is), don't look back.

 

Yours sounds like a fairly classic withdrawal syndrome pattern.

 

What are your remaining symptoms?

[ChessieCat]

Hi there,

 

The staff at SA are wondering how you are.  We'd love to hear how you are doing now.   Would you mind dropping by and giving an update?

 

Thanks.

CC