LucaDiProspero: Risperdal: my story (living in hell)

[LucaDiProspero]

hello guys, that's my story (coming from Italy, sorry for bad English): I was suggested in October 2014 to take Risperdal 1mg/day for my social anxiety and paranoia...took it for 23 days from November, that day I suddenly felt a great fear of death and a 'strange void' in my head.
From that moment (23 November 2014) to present day I have had no emotions, I have lost all my interests, my mind is empty now (very slow thinking), I speak few times only to answer a question, I have no energy or motivation so I'm lying down on my bed all the day. Before taking Risperdal I had some issues with social anxiety and paranoia, but I loved going to gym, walking, thinking freely, reading and gaming. Now I don't have any desire, I also experience discomfort when eating or taking a shower. I read many posts about this like-being dead existence after taking risperdal. Please help, also jim24 your story is similar to mine, please update me on your situation...I will do the same.

[JanCarol]

Hello Luca,

 

I'm so sorry you've been through those awful drugs.

 

I know it seems strange that you still are having affects such a short time later - but it will take more time.  You were on them just a short time, and you came off them, expecting to be free right away.  But they changed your brain, and it will take time for your brain to heal.

 

You will heal.  You will have interests again.  Please be patient with yourself.

 

There is a word for what you are experiencing:  it is anhedonia.  You can read other people's experiences here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2873-anhedonia-apathy-demotivation/

 

Neuroleptics are different animals.  I don't think what you are experiencing is craving for a reinstatement.  I think you are in a deep, demotivated wave.  

 

Mindfulness distractions - like playing computer games or making things - listening to music - will help you wait until you feel like more.

 

I'm glad you found us!

[Rhiannon]

I agree with JanCarol: you will eventually recover, but it can take much longer than you would expect. These are powerful drugs and they can really affect our brains.

 

I have met many people who have had experiences like yours: short use of a psychiatric drug followed by a long time of suffering from effects, much longer than anyone would expect. Usually they are younger folks. Very commonly they experience numbing and anhedonia.

 

Every one of them has eventually recovered.

 

I would also say that if any doctor ever suggests you try any psychiatric medication in the future (antidepressant, anti-anxiety, anything) that you tell them you had a bad reaction to one in the past and you do not want to take the approach of taking a pill. There are many options for therapy, lifestyle and diet changes, checking thyroid and other hormones, etc. that they can do first. If I were you I would plan to be very insistent in the future.

[Rhiannon]

Just out of curiosity, what is your age?

[LucaDiProspero]

thank you very much guys! I'm 31 and I have cried many times in the last days...the worst thing is continuosly watching time only waiting the day ends. now I'm taking zoloft, depakin and tavor. I don't know if stopping them now, maybe they are helping me a bit.

[JanCarol]

Oh!  That could explain your strong reaction to Risperdal.  ALL psych drugs alter the brain in some way, and you are getting pulled in many directions.  The depakin, tavor, and even the zoloft might be slowing your ability to heal from the risperdal.

 

Don't do anything yet, stay on them.  You might think about removing them later, when you are feeling better.  It is more important now for you to start feeling better.

 

But please, so that we can help, could you put your drug history in your signature?  Here is a link to help you do that.  Then, every post you make will tell us "who you are and where you have been."  

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

When I am clock watching every minute of time, I like to view stupid TV (like Ren & Stimpy and Xena Warrior Princess or the Simpsons), or videos on YouTube.  The time passes - and you may not feel it, but every day that passes, you are closer to finding your brain again.  Don't be too hard on yourself - be patient, as if you were a little child.

 

If an 8 year old came to you and said, "can I have ice cream NOW?" you would know that you cannot deliver ice cream now.  When a minute passes, the 8 year old asks again:  "Well, can I have it now?"

 

You need to distract the impatience.  You don't know how long it will take.  But not now.  Maybe next time.  Or the next.  

 

Please consider too, that alcohol and late night parties and binges in general (yes, even late night snack binges) will slow your healing time.  Working swinging shifts, or changing your sleep patterns can slow your healing.

 

Some things that might help:

 

Magnesium:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Fish Oil:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

The magnesium helps your neurotransmitters to fire better, and the fish oil "lubricates your brain" making things smoother and not so spiky.  There are other things, too, but without knowing more,, I cannot say.  SOME supplements (especially B vitamins) can be overstimulating to people in withdrawal.  But these two are pretty safe.  You can't really fix withdrawal with supplements, but you can make it just a little easier.

 

I believe that the crying is actually good, I think it means you are letting go of some of the emotions that got you into this situation.  Or that you are feeling less alone now that you are in SA. Being mindful of emotions is vitally important - not to dwell on them, just the opposite - but to say "this is an emotion", accept it, and let it go.  Like clouds across the sky - emotions come and go.  Crying can be exhausting, but it can be healing, and releasing, too.

 

Just one more link for you then I'll give you a break!!

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/

 

Here you will find a number of techniques, like Mindfulness, and some other tools, like meditation or CBT, to help you with your waiting.  You can change your brain, and if you didn't like it before you went on the drugs, you will want to change it as you come off of them!  Having some practices in place will help you heal, too.  Sometimes the simplest things can have profound effects.

 

Everybody's different.  For example, I'm not big on meditation (but I will do it), but I strive to be mindful as much as I can (that's a life's work).  I cannot ride a bicycle far enough to be fun, but I take a short, 10 minute walk every day, to see the outdoors, get some light in my eyes and skin (melatonin and Vitamin D), and it's a good mood stabilizer.   I hate to exercise, but I love yoga and karate.   

 

Walking in particular is good, something about the tick-tock of our steps helps to teach the brain to heal itself.  If I were you, and worried about the time passing too slowly - take a walk.  Start with short walks, be careful not to overdo it because exhaustion is not good for you.  As you walk, engage with your surroundings, the buildings, the trees and flowers in a park, maybe the history of your home, the people on the street (I love to watch people).  Many of us have pets for that reason - they make us take walks, and it helps.

 

Sorry, I'm long winded.  I'll let you go explore those links now!

[Jim24]

Hey Luca I still cant get pleasure from anything and I also have no motivation or energy, I to just lay around and wait for the day to end only waking up in the same nightmare situation, my sleep isnt good and I have vivid dreams every night I was never like that before the drugs my thinking is much slower then it was and I do feel like dumb or fried my personality is ruined and I cant really have conversations because my mind is blank and makeing decisions is also difficult. Im in like a fog that I cant escape. I was on a high dose for 3 months but you were on a low dose for a short time im sure you will recover faster then I will the fact that you can feel sad and cry is good. Risperidone totally messed up my emotions I cant feel happy,sad,excited nothing and I used to be very emotional music used to pump me up and now music does nothing for me nothing does, its very hard. I used to be the life of the party and could talk to people and make friends, all that good stuff but now Im just an empty shell and yes it is hell I never even thought a drug could do this to anyone its very inhumane to give out these drugs to people who are not mentally ill they really do ruin lives but there might be hope for me it might take a year or two for my brain to get back to the way it was. When I look at a picture of myself from before, I do feel a sad/bad feeling and say to myself "why, how could I be like this now, who would do this to me", in all my pictures from only a year ago I had a smile on my face and you can see the spark I had I cant look at my old pics of myself now because its just to hard for me to bare and it makes me think ill never be that person ever again. I want to be back to my normal self so bad its indescribable desperate isnt evin the word. The worst thing I ever did in my life was take Risperidone I used to be out all the time now I just stay in the house I take omega 3,6,9 and magnesium at night, and I pray alot for this to end no one deserves to live like this and there is no escape, nothing stimulates me but when I have my morning cigarette I can feel alittle tiny buzz from it and I couldnt before so maybe thats progress. A good way to describe how im feeling, its like being in a deep dark hole with no escape but can see the sun and all the happy people at the top and im screaming for help, can see the good old life but cant reach it. Anyway good luck to you and I hope we all recover someday.            

[Rhiannon]

thank you very much guys! I'm 31 and I have cried many times in the last days...the worst thing is continuosly watching time only waiting the day ends. now I'm taking zoloft, depakin and tavor. I don't know if stopping them now, maybe they are helping me a bit.

 

The examples I was referring to above are of people who took only one medication and were no longer taking any other meds, so that's a different situation. I didn't realize you were on other meds as well. That's a different picture.

 

It's very difficult to say how the other meds are affecting you, but I'm certain they are. If you want to consider reducing them, please read our materials in the Tapering section, starting with this:

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?  

 

I'm not saying that you should reduce them, only that if you do, you need to do it safely.

 

I also highly recommend you get a copy of the book Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker. There is an Italian translation, but I don't know the Italian title. This is an important book for anyone who is taking psychiatric meds or considering taking them.

 

Also, please fill in your signature line with your other meds and a brief med history, so other people will not make the mistake I made and give you incorrect information. Instructions on how to do that are here:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

[JanCarol]

Hi Luca,

 

Thanks for the signature line.  That tells us a lot.

 

I see that you have had a lot of drug changes since the risperdal.  So while the risperdal may have started your problem, it has been complicated by 2-3 changes in antidepressants, and the addition of depakin (an anti-seizure medicine). 

 

I'll look at this in 3 parts:  First the resperidol.  It's an ugly little drug.  There are lawsuits around this drug in the USA (though it should never have been given to children in the first place).  It's list of side effects is overwhelming, and I'm sure that's where you started to notice that the suffering from the drug was as bad or worse than the original emotional state.

 

Then, the antidepressant changes.  Since they came out, I have been saying that it's like "finger in the brain" - you put the finger (drug) in, and wiggle it around.  Switching drugs is like putting the finger in your brain, wiggling it, pulling it out, putting a different shaped finger in, wiggling, pulling it out, and putting yet another finger in and wiggling it.  This switching of drugs is causing damage, and is probably why you feel no better since going of the resperidal.

 

Third, the addition of depakin, which I found to be very foggy, numbing stuff.  If your problem is anhedonia, uncaring, unfeeling, then this is the wrong drug for you.

 

HOWEVER, do not go off any drug because of the second one.  I think that a drug change is dangerous right now.  It is important to get stable first.  Read the article Rhi posted about 10%, that is important.  Also you might consider these two ideas:

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?  

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-antidepressant-withdrawal-syndrome/

 

And multi-drug tapering, which drug should you taper first?

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2207-taking-multiple-psych-drugs-which-drug-to-taper-first/

 

and just so you understand why it is important to be very careful, you can find out how your drugs conflict with each other here:

 

Tavor is not available in the US, so I could not check it at:  http://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html

 

But here is the report from Zoloft and Depakin (known as Depakote in USA):

 

 

Interactions between your selected drugs

sertraline ↔ divalproex sodium

Applies to: Zoloft (sertraline), Depakote (divalproex sodium)

Using sertraline together with divalproex sodium may increase side effects such as dizziness, drowsiness, and difficulty concentrating. Some people may also experience some impairment in thinking and judgment. You should avoid or limit the use of alcohol while being treated with these medications. Avoid driving or operating hazardous machinery until you know how the medications affect you. It is important to tell your doctor about all other medications you use, including vitamins and herbs. Do not stop using any medications without first talking to your doctor.

Switch to professional interaction data

 

Tavor would only complicate it more.

 

Take care, let us know how you are going.

[Petunia]

Tavor is an international brand for lorazepam, a benzodiazepine

 

lorazepam ↔ sertraline

Applies to: lorazepam, Zoloft (sertraline)

Using LORazepam together with sertraline may increase side effects such as dizziness, drowsiness, and difficulty concentrating. Some people may also experience some impairment in thinking and judgment. You should avoid or limit the use of alcohol while being treated with these medications....

 

Welcome from me too Luca, you have been given some good advice, I don't really have anything to add, but I hope you feel better soon.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Luca.

 

(Is your screen name your real name? If so, you may wish to change it to protect your privacy. Please send me a personal message if you wish to do this.)

 

As Rhi, JanCarol, and Petunia posted, the drugs you're taking now could be responsible for your symptoms. If I were you, I would talk very seriously with my doctor about minimizing your drug burden. If your current doctor won't listen, I would find one who understood.

 

Dr. Giovanni Fava in Bologna might be able to suggest a doctor for you.

 

If you decide to reduce any of your drugs, you might refer to our Tapering forum http://tinyurl.com/42ewlrl, which contains topics about reducing Zoloft and Depakin (valproic acid). When you decide to taper Tavor (lorazepam), see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/29-members-only-benzo-tapering-discussion/
 

[Jim24]

How are you feeling now? im still the same sadly.

[LucaDiProspero]

As I said in the other thread nothing changed from 23/11/2014.

Anyway I'm writing this post to ask all of you an essential question for me: do you think a PET scan of the brain could reveal if some receptors are disabled or if your brain is modified compared to a normal one?

I'm asking this because I want to have a PET scan to check the status of my brain. Is it worth to do it (I'm reading it can cause cancer in the long termine)?

Thanks in advance!

[lapd]

Luca, I'm in the same boat as you, but in my case Haldol did his to me. No emotions, no feelings, nothing.I really hope I will get back to my normal self, people say it might take up to a year to start to feel the difference. In your case it might be the additional meds that you take, they also mess up the brain chemical balance and don't allow you to heal further or feel better, there are basically the same horror stories going about antidepressants as well as neuroleptics.

[mammaP]

Hi Luca, welcome from me too. I would not waste my money on a PET scan, they do not show changes due to withdrawal and drugs, tests and scans come back fine and just make us feel even worse and invalidated.  I am saddened to see that you have had so many drugs in such a short time and agree that all these changes will have affected you. It is difficult to know which are responsible, the withdrawal or side effects.  I'm sorry I don't have anything to add to what the other moderators have said but I would avoid the scan unless you need ti to put your mind at rest that there is no actual physical damage to your brain. I always wanted tests to show abnormalities so I would know what was causing the symptoms and feel relieved but it never happened because nothing ever showed! 

[Jim24]

Hey how you doing?

[LucaDiProspero]

Thank you for asking Jim.

From about a week I have extreme fatigue during all the day from morning until evening (have to stay in bed cause I can't stand on my feet for more than some minutes), feeling dizzy, slow and with my eyes closed even if I'm not sleepy. Very exausted without doing nothing, no will to speak,persistent headaches. it's horrible. From evening (6-7 PM) my tiredness is replaced by interior pain and sadness but I try to go out every day at this time for 20-30 minutes (sadness rises up seeing people who laugh and walk peacefully).

Then at 10-11 PM I'm finally able to watch TV, use my tablet and play videogames, so my pain-tiredness vanishes a bit (anyway I continue to not have any interest or desire, no spontaneous thoughts or feelings).

It's a complex day, every day...horrible till night, then a little relief. I don't even try to search an explanation for this.

[Jim24]

I feel your pain especially the seeing happy people makes you sad and it reminds me of how I used to be when I was at peace and makes me more sad that im like this now because of a stupid med I was also feeling dizzy today especially when I stand up.

[LucaDiProspero]

Please someone also moderators...It has been months I didn't feel anything, a single feeling, a desire, some enjoyment, a window as you call it (neither watching TV, reading or playing videogame)...I need to feel something again, only for some hours, only for one hour or less.

Yesterday I had a micro-crisis: I was on the point of taking 3 or 4 or maybe 5 or more cipralex (escitalopram) 20mg tablets (I was taking months ago) in order to FEEL. Luckyly my parents saw my 'run in a mad condition' to find the escitalopram tablets I still have at home and prevented me from taking them.

Then I was ready to go out to find someone who sell illegal drugs...after some minutes I calmed myself down.

I need to FEEL, is there anything that I can take safely at least for once? I've tried smoking, drinking, running...the emptiness didn't go away not even for a moment. I don't care about other symptoms I have, but this emptiness is death for me.

I'm worried after the crisis...Docs keep telling me to take ADs again, but noone accept to give me amphetamine or similar stuff...Altostrata please I've read about doctor Fava and your partnership with him: I've contacted him some weeks ago but no answers. Could you give me an active contact? Thank you in advance guys and altostrata!

[LucaDiProspero]

It's 4.40am here in italy. Not sleeping, Thinking about suicide...again...I hate this voidness, oh god what is my fault? Every day is the same...it's a week I don't go out, no will, no point, all is useless. Why doing anything? How can you guys go on? Is this life? It's like to be paralized in the mind. And I can't even cry...I would cry now

[clearday]

LucaDiprospero posted on Marta's thread 14 June 2015 - 07:57 AM

I can't understand you guys are on 5-10mg of cipralex. I was on 50mg of cipralex...so my damage is permanent, I can't believe it ... 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Just because you were on a high dose doesn't mean the damage is permanent.

 

People on much lower doses have just as bad symptoms as you do.

 

These drugs are powerful even on low doses, the brain receptors get saturated even on very low doses.

 

You have the potential to heal just like everyone else on here going through protracted SSRI withdrawal.

 

You are in early protracted withdrawal. It is not surprising that you feel so lousy. But like all of us, we have to be patient, since healing takes a long time. I know it's very hard. You are in there under your symptoms. 

 

Receptor saturation explained here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6036-why-taper-paper-demonstrates-importance-of-gradual-change-in-plasma-concentration/

[LucaDiProspero]

Thank you for your words clearday. I will read carefully the link you posted; so now I'm taking only 6mg of valium a day and going to taper it soon. But seeing no improvement I would ask my doc to give me Abilify or Wellbutrin or some amphetamine to feel emotions and motivation again...do you think it's a wrong move? Should I stay med-free even with this voidness inside me? I really have no clues...

[Martina23]

I would stay medfree.

[clearday]

Thank you for your words clearday. I will read carefully the link you posted; so now I'm taking only 6mg of valium a day and going to taper it soon. But seeing no improvement I would ask my doc to give me Abilify or Wellbutrin or some amphetamine to feel emotions and motivation again...do you think it's a wrong move? Should I stay med-free even with this voidness inside me? I really have no clues...

 

I know how bad the voidness can feel. It's very common during withdrawal. It does go away, but it can take awhile.

 

You're very early in withdrawal. So it's not unusual to feel this way.

 

While emotional numbness is difficult, it's not as bad as some other severe withdrawal problems 

 

For cases of very bad anxiety, akathisia, or paresthesia, people will try to reinstate on their original medication at a low dose to reduce those withdrawal symptoms, because they can be almost unbearable.

 

I just looked at your drug history again -

 

Sounds like you have been on so many different drugs, no wonder your nervous system has shut down, I think it is tired of how many drugs you've been throwing at it. 

 

Your nervous system has been very weakened by all these drugs, throwing an amphetamine at it doesn't sound like a good idea at all. I think your nervous system needs some long rest. 

 

Are you sure you want to throw more drugs at it, rather than give it a real chance to heal?

[LucaDiProspero]

Sure, a new drug would hit me hard in my body and in my mind. But I have to add I lost my emotions in november 2014, after 4 years of cipralex and 23 days of risperdal...after that day adding or tapering drugs didn't change anything.

So all drugs I took after november 2014 are meaningless.

Please read my new signature...it explains my story in a better way.

[clearday]

Ok. But in trying to figure out why you feel the way you do now, your recent use of other medications should be considered.

 

But I understand that you believe the Risperdal caused the acute apathy (loss of emotion), based on the timeline, and that is what you are trying to address right now.

 

I only have experience with SSRIs like Lexapro.

 

All your other symptoms are consistent with protracted withdrawal from Lexapro.

 

Don't forget, apathy is also very common with SSRI WD. I've had it for a long time due to SSRI WD, from both Prozac and Lexapro. It does go away, it can take awhile.

 

For you, we have to consider both the long-term effects of Risperdal and Lexapro.

 

The fact that all those other drugs you took afterward, that you removed from your signature (zoloft, depakin and tavor), didn't really help you, should tell you something.  Using them probably only prolonged your recovery from the effects of Risperdal and Lexapro. That's what happened to me after Prozac; I used Zoloft and Effexor for short stints, and it only prolonged my recovery. Once I got off all meds, I largely recovered. Until I went on Lexapro years later; it helped for awhlle, but in the long run it hurt me badly, once I decided to come off it.

 

And now, you want to add some other psych med so that you can feel things again. I understand.

 

I would still say that you need to let your body heal from the effects of Risperdal and Lexapro before you add other psych meds to try to help you.

 

We are all in this for the long haul of recovery from the damage these meds have caused, there usually is no easy way out.

 

What we do know, is that our bodies have a tremendous ability to heal from this damage, if only we can summon the patience and strength to ride out the year or so of time it takes to begin feeling the effects of healing.

 

Since you now know what Risperdal and Lexapro have done to you, do you want to add Wellbutrin and Abilify to that list? 

 

My main list of villains are Prozac and Lexapro, they have really hurt my life. I don't want to add anymore villains to that list, now that I finally know how dangerous these medications are. But that's just me. 

 

I think Martina's answer to you above is the best answer.

[bluebalu86]

I know it's horrible Luca, but I would trade my symptoms with emotional blunting because the feelings of horror and terror and dread and akathisia are unbearable. You will be OK, but you need more time.

[LucaDiProspero]

Thanks for your post!

Actually my original plan was: taper all meds (nearly done), wait for about six months, ask for some supplements (Omega3, Lycorice root, vitamin D), wait for other six months, ask for other meds (Abilify, Wellbutrin or other meds I found here

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/83323-answers-to-curing-anhedonianumbnessapathy-no-1/).

 

And you are probably correct in saying the drugs I took after risperdal should be considered cause they had delayed the recovery and the main problem here is the protracted WD from cipralex+risperdal.

 

But I also would quote a sentence you wrote in your main thread : 'From my experience, and after reading other posts on here, I see that Lexapro withdrawal is commonly known to cause paresthesias (tingling sensations around the body), akathisia (restlessness), increased anxiety, brain fog, depression, anhedonia, apathy, fatigue, insomnia, and tinnitus. These symptoms can come and go at any time during taper and for quite some time after full discontinuance.'

 

You see? I'm scared because symptoms like fatigue or anxiety comes and goes as you wrote, but emotional anhestesia has never lifted away. I ask for an hour of feelings, an hour! With a 'window' I could say 'okay,okay,emotions will come back. In fact they came back for an hour'. I'm losing faith, that's the truth. What if this is the new baseline of my brain? Then I've thought 'ok, let's go for abilify or wellbutrin...as soon as I feel something again I will taper the drugs immediately'.

 

It's really a mess, many options and questions. Waiting, trying a new med, a supplement, CBT, hypnosis...moreover, what happened on the 23 november 2014 inside me? why no windows from that day?

 

Well, I will wait for now!

[LucaDiProspero]

I know it's horrible Luca, but I would trade my symptoms with emotional blunting because the feelings of horror and terror and dread and akathisia are unbearable. You will be OK, but you need more time.

Thank you so much blue! I'm sorry for your feelings and akathisia, I'm following your thread...you are a lovely person, we all are here. I can't understand why we deserve this hell. We are stuck in time and space, it's like a coma. There is so much to enjoy out there...let's wait for that day blue, it will come!

[clearday]

I'm scared because symptoms like fatigue or anxiety comes and goes as you wrote, but emotional anhestesia has never lifted away. What if this is the new baseline of my brain? Then I've thought 'ok, let's go for abilify or wellbutrin...as soon as I feel something again I will taper the drugs immediately'.

 

Saying that you have a "new baseline" implies that these drugs have permanently changed you. The guidelines of this forum assert that these drugs cause temporary changes, and that finally getting off them will restore us to our natural baseline, or close to it. This takes a long time, often two to four years. Your baseline is how you felt before you ever went on these drugs. Read about PAWS, or "post acute withdrawal syndrome", this principle applies to many drugs, legal and illegal. It takes years.

 

Well-managed recoveries and their success stories support that.

 

It is WAY too early in your withdrawal to  assess what your emotional and mental baseline will be.

 

Emotional numbness is a very common and persistent withdrawal symptom/adverse reaction symptom. Just because other symptoms may have lifted, doesn't mean that others won't pop up, or other symptoms linger, months after discontinuance. It is known as "morphing of symptoms". 

 

Protracted AD WD is a very lengthy, dynamic, and changing process.

 

Understanding the nature of AD withdrawal is key to getting through this: 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1008-intro-to-antidepressant-withdrawal-syndrome/

[Altostrata]

Luca, please be aware that taking a lot of drugs, such as an overdose of escilatopram, will not enable you to feel anything good. You will be very, very sick, much sicker than you are now.

 

There is no known combination of drugs that will repair you to your pre-drug state.

 

If you look at the other Intro topics, you'll see many people are in a similar situation, having been suffering for months from adverse effects from psychiatric drugs and withdrawal. One thing this condition teaches us all is patience. You must allow your nervous system to heal.

 

You and all the rest of us have suffered unfortunate accidents that should never have happened to us. It can be difficult to accept, but now our lives are in a new phase of recovery. Please read

 

Withdrawal dialogues & encouragement

 

Fear, terror, panic and anxiety: coping, reframing, transforming...

 

Mindfulness and Acceptance

[ricardo7]

Luca, you are in  my thoughts... Feeling nothing is something unbeliavable, much worse than any other symptom. Ι don' t want to open here  a ...competition about symptoms( for everyone his symptom is the worse!)   but personally I can't compare the anhedonia/apathy with fear , panic, akathisia  etc. If you look at your children or your favourite things and feel nothing is beyond words/decription. It's so inhuman.  Someone who never experienced this thinks that we lost our emotions like it happens in natural depression. But ssri-induced apathy is something else, 1,000.000 more difficult.

Feeling fear  means I am alive!...In our case even the fear is so blunted -and especially the good emotions have disappeared. From my experience this symptom is the most serious among the victims οf psychiatric drugs.

 

I want to ask you how are you as regards your sexuality... I ask you because apathy and post ssri sexual dysfunction are very often related...if you don't  have this you are lucky in your misfortune. I cant give you good advices because I suffer from apathy and PSSD in severe degree.I understand your deep pain man.  I am on this 19 months.

Only I want to wish you  good luck and patience

[LucaDiProspero]

To clearday and altostrata: thanks for your helpful info, I will try and go on without meds for now, but you said 'years'; two-four-seven years who knows? I will be 40 and (maybe) fully recovered. It's so unfair...so many life experiences lost, I have not realized yet these drugs can steal our lives more than the original issue. And every day, how many? let's say 100000 new people (children included) start to take drugs in the world without knowing they are going to destroy a part of their lives. If it's ok for you guys...

 

To ricardo7: hey ricardo, thank you! Probably you are right...in a objective way it's ok, symptoms like akathisia or insomnia are the worst because the suffering is strong; but speaking as a human being anhedonia/apathy is the worst symptom no doubt, it's on the opposite side of the line of life: as I said before we are here to feel, the entire meaning of life is to feel what there is around us and inside us (see the majority of philosophy mindset).

Feeling nothing is like living the same day again and again, eating-doing anything (all is the same)-sleeping and repeat.

 

About sexuality...I'm not lucky mate! I don't feel anything also in this field. Zero libido and no interest in women anymore (so sad).

You said you are on month 19...how can you hold on? Are you taking vitamins, doing exercise, going out, working, doing CBT?

Anyway good luck to you too and please let me know your progress!

 

PS: Did you experience any 'window' of feelings from the beginning?

[Marta]

(Don't say it's too late...I've also "lost" many periods of my life and I have more to loose in the future....but sure you'll still have good things to live ...is our sick society that imposes that you have to be well and happy 100% of your life...it's a LIE)

[Altostrata]

Yes, this condition is unfair to all of us. However long it takes for your nervous system to recover is as long as it takes. This is true for everyone here, you have not been singled out for special suffering.

[Malf]

Hi,

 

Please see the comment I made on Redmanone's page regarding my recovery from antipsychotic withdrawal.