Pugknows Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 (((((Just))))) Please hang on for today. Today only. This will be over someday and we will barely remember the agony. It's awful while we're in the never ending midst of the journey, but we will heal. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Sending you a big hug!!! This is all going to be better. You'll look back and say "wow, that was so awful".. and you'll enjoy life again! Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
Frustrated Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 It is very hard to distinguish the windows and waves sometimes. I have had a small reprieve from my leg pain but the intrusive thoughts are back and I haven't had them in months. So scared right now because I always get thoughts of losing myself and hurting my kids. Probably because this my worse fear. I think I would rather be in pain than deal with the mental torture. I guess I am in a leg window and a mental wave at the same time. I did reinstate four months ago. Only 1 mg. it took the intrusive thoughts away for a few months but now that I am at .6 mg they are back so I feel I reinstated for nothing. Now I will be tapering until September and still suffering. I think reinstating is risky and doesn't always work. I really hope your symptoms calm down because I understand the pure torture of it all. Good luck! 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Dane22 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Just. Just stopping by to check on you. So comforting to see some windows in your life. I see these rays of light coming into yours days...some small, some brief, some bright. I don't always post, but I do keep up with your journey. Sending you good vibes and hugs. Dane. September 2013. Diagnosed depression/anxiety. Start Prozac 10mg and slowly increase to 40mg. October 2013. Lorazepam 0.5mg prescribed for anxiety after complaining about nervous energy November 2013. prescribed a sleeping pill (name?) for insomnia. took once. ineffective. January to June 2014. psychiatrist agrees to lower dose to 15 mg due to side effects. August 2014 first attempt to quit cold turkey Lasted August 1, 2014 until October 1, 2014 November 2014 second attempt to quit cold turkey lasted Novemember 4, 2014 until Jan 13, 2015 January 2015 3rd attempt to quit cold turkey lasted feb 3, 2015 until feb 23, 2015 March 5, 2015 4th attempt to quit cold turkey. Link to comment
AliG Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I think "Frustrated" is so right, when she says, "it's hard to distinguish windows and waves", It is very hard to distinguish the windows and waves sometimes. I have had a small reprieve from my leg pain but the intrusive thoughts are back and I haven't had them in months. So scared right now because I always get thoughts of losing myself and hurting my kids. Probably because this my worse fear. I think I would rather be in pain than deal with the mental torture. I guess I am in a leg window and a mental wave at the same time. I did reinstate four months ago. Only 1 mg. it took the intrusive thoughts away for a few months but now that I am at .6 mg they are back so I feel I reinstated for nothing. Now I will be tapering until September and still suffering. I think reinstating is risky and doesn't always work. I really hope your symptoms calm down because I understand the pure torture of it all. Good luck! Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
AliG Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I'm thinking of you, and wishing you well. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 ((((Just)))) I think windows and waves are a pattern of feeling a little less worse occasionally, which is a welcome reprieve from the daily grind of WD symptoms. I wish I had more reprieves, but My journey has been consistent in its sh*ttiness so far. I'm praying all day these days. I see you improving every day. Love to you. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 Pug, AliG, Dane22, Laura, & Frusterated - You guys got me through that last bad day. I love all of you and you are beautiful souls for stopping by my thread to pick me up when I was down. I have some amazing news. I am halfway through my 7th month of CT 10mg Prozac and the days April 13th, 14th, and 15th have been WAY better for me!!!!!!! I have been feeling about 80%!!!!!!!!!! Negatives: Still having random intrusive thoughts (had this before meds so I am pretty good at dealing with it) high level of irritibility (getting period in a week so could be that) headaches (in the temples, starting in afternoon and getting progressively worse as the day goes on) but don't have one today Positives: The feelings of dread and doom when I wake up are 95% gone. The depression has lifted although I am not elated with joy, I feel that I am in a more natural decent mood. I have noticed I can feel small emotions for my husband again (he left to go camping today and I genuinely missed him when he left). Overall it is night and day from the depths of hell I was in. Praying I have turned a corner. Thank you to God is all I have to say & to you people as well for carrying me through this. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Yayyy! Keep moving forward, Just. You are on your way!!!!! January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Oh Just, I am so happy for you!! It's so good to hear you're getting better!!! I had some tears of joy running down my face when I saw your message! Sending you a big hug!!!! Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
Dane22 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Oh Just! Keep that window open and let that good clean air blow in!! Wow! You needed that affirmation to prove there is life after Prozac! Sending you positive vibes! Keep moving forward. September 2013. Diagnosed depression/anxiety. Start Prozac 10mg and slowly increase to 40mg. October 2013. Lorazepam 0.5mg prescribed for anxiety after complaining about nervous energy November 2013. prescribed a sleeping pill (name?) for insomnia. took once. ineffective. January to June 2014. psychiatrist agrees to lower dose to 15 mg due to side effects. August 2014 first attempt to quit cold turkey Lasted August 1, 2014 until October 1, 2014 November 2014 second attempt to quit cold turkey lasted Novemember 4, 2014 until Jan 13, 2015 January 2015 3rd attempt to quit cold turkey lasted feb 3, 2015 until feb 23, 2015 March 5, 2015 4th attempt to quit cold turkey. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Brilliant! 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
indigo Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Great news. Onward! On 20 mg of Prozac for about ten years. Sept 2012 started reducing 10% a drop using gram scale, with average of one month holds. When I'd reached the half way mark, taking 10 mg powder out of the 20 mg capsules, I switched over to 10 mg capsules and cutting down from those. Withdrawals got harder the lower I dropped. May 2013 changed to 5% drops, holding until all withdrawal symptoms gone. January 2015 changed to liquid prozac (concentration of 20MG per 5 mL) using a 1mL oral syringe. Current dose of fluoxetine solution equivalent 3.4 mg. Any effort to drop below this has been disastrous so for the time being I'm staying at this level. Adding 200 mg Tryptophan and 200 GABA a day has helped with anxiety. Also take 1,300mg Omega- 3, 875mg Magnesium, 1800mg Curcumin, 1000mg Vit C, 5000 Vit D. Link to comment
direstraits Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 so happy for you! keep it up went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
btdt Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 So much wonderful news... and if you have feeling for your husband again that takes away one great worry for good. I am so happy for you breath in that fresh window air! peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
shelby Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Awesome jwbf! I hope we all can reach that point. Enjoy every minute of it! 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
AliG Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 This is the best !! I'm so happy for you. This shows you can recover . You are healing. Yayyy !! Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
shelby Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 jwbf... how are you doing today? 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 18, 2015 Author Share Posted April 18, 2015 Ahh the positive support is overwhelming, thank you guys so much!! ❤️ I'm still doing pretty good considering it will be that time of the month in a few days so this is when I'm at my absolute worst each month. My intrusive thoughts are constant but I don't react to them even though they make me uncomfortable. It's hard to act normal when I have a running movie in my mind about harming others, the devil voice coming out of me, losing control, getting possessed, etc. However my diagnosis before meds was pure OCD so this isn't my first rodeo, I know they don't mean anything and are just thoughts so f*<k em! Derealization, irritibility and fatigue are high but that's due to the hormones and I'm coping well. Still having next to no depression/anxiety and still able to feel love for my husband!!!!! Which is literally the most important part of this journey for me. I am such a passionate person that being emotionally numb and empty was devastating for me. I truly would not have lasted if I didn't get atleast partial feeling back. So utterly disturbing. I'm sorry I'm not posting much but I do read and follow your guy's stories, I'm just trying to limit my time on SA. It's true that when you feel a bit better you just want to run and never come back here as its a constant reminder of the suffering and a possible trigger to my mental symptoms again. Just trying to keep my head above water right now. I love each and every one of you and truly believe with all my heart we are all recovering. The healing just goes at its on pace for each of us. Xo Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 As all of you have been reading on my thread, I have been seeing significant improvements and healing. Today I have had a large setback due to a link that a member posted on their thread where Dr SHITko says some people never heal. It was extremely disturbing and scared the daylights out of me. I believe the moderators have a job and a responsibility to protect us and I am pissed that that garbage wasn't deleted. That is not beneficial to a single person on this site to read. I'm sick of this crap, I'm already traumatized from what I've been through and have to fight fear every day of falling back into the horrors of hell. There are some people who are obsessed with doom stories and posting it and I think it would be beneficial to us as a community to think about everyone else for once. Self sabotage all you want but spare the other people clinging to hope and moderators please keep this a safe place for us. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
shelby Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 That maybe true, but I guess there are many stories to prove it wrong. There are some who choose to never get off these poisons so sure, they won't heal. I've never read a success story that was 100% recovery. 75, 80, 90 but not 100. That's true I guess because even if you cut your skin it heals but leaves a scar. But hey... I'll take 80 over 20 any day at this point. We have to keep believing. We have no choice once we are in for the long haul! If I'm gonna go down... I'm going down "swinging". But we won't right? Ignore that carp you read. I was recently told by a good friend... "faith and fear cannot abide in the same place" 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Many people heal 100%, I'm going to be among them with God's help. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Shelby when I was in the depths of withdrawal I had no faith. I had nothing. It stripped me of every single thing I've ever known about myself and left me a shattered terrified empty shell. To this day I cannot tell you where the strength came from that I pulled on to keep myself from killing myself or commiting myself. I would never subject myself to reading stories about people not healing, but when I'm in a forum like this that is supposed to be safe and I find people saying it and quoting links, you can imagine my frustration. I'm not a masochist and I don't enjoy torturing myself filling my head with stories of failed hope and suffering. Not a single person on SA needs to think that there is anything other than healing in store for them as the mind is a powerful tool in all of this. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
shelby Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Sorry Pug, I guess what I meant was the scars will be there but we can deal with scars 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
shelby Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I understand justwanna there is no place for it here. Just saying to ignore it. Don't let it get you down. I almost went searching for it, but no. We got this right? Positive positive positive even if we don't believe it in the moment. Thanks for uplifting me on my post earlier. I feel a little better now. That's what these forums are for. 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 I can't believe I thought I had turned a corner. What a joke. I have been in indescribable mental anguish for the last 4 days. The feelings of doom and terror are beyond my comprehension. How I'm still sitting here I don't even know. The first day of my period was the worst day of my life and it's been a tiny bit better since but not much. Can't connect to my family or husband. This is hell on earth. Literally hell. No human being can withstand this torture. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
luv2knit Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Hang in there Just. "That time of the month" throws a monkey wrench into things for everyone, and you may still be experiencing that. It may just be me, but it seems to me like the windows (even partial ones like I have had) just make it that much harder when the waves hit. We have to hold on and believe that eventually everything will level out. Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Hi justwanttobefree I can relate to what you're saying about the feelings of doom and terror. I get the same, it's really difficult to endure them. I'm glad you had a window, and I'm sure you'll have many more in the future. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
shelby Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I wish i could provide comfort except reading your old posts this time last month you felt the same... and then had a window for what 7-10 days? You felt well enough to provide me encouragement during your window and it will return. 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
shelby Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Hey, doing any better today? 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 Doing about 25% better. The suffocating doom has lifted a bit but having horrible brain fog, confusion, neuro irritability, harm thoughts, and complete disconnection from my husband again. This is following the exact some pattern as last month and I'm terrified this will be my normal. Feel good for a week and then have my period toss me into a mind boggling 3 week wave. Maybe I have PMDD and the med was just covering it up? I hate this. I hate it I hate it oh god please. How could he do this to me? Give me a beautiful window and then crush me again. There is no hope. I want to end it all. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
shelby Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 But you had one. This means you are healing! You will have another and more and more frequently. It is the pattern of all those who have healed. Keep going... I know it's hard but soon this last window will become your new level in a future wave and future windows will be better and better. You can do this! 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
shelby Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Also remember that self diagnosis while going through this is going to be skewed. If we did not have these symptoms before then it's more likely than not just withdrawal. I get caught in this trap also and it just creates more anxiety. I asked my wife to tell me to stop looking up conditions if I start searching. Ask your husband and see if he will do the same for you. I know I'm not thinking rationally right now but those who love us on the outside are. Trust them and know it's just withdrawal. 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
Martina23 Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Just, I also had already a feeling that I turned the corner. A lot of things seemed to get better. But today I had again harm thoughts in the morning. It is like an idea which you can not put away from your head, still hunting and torturing you. But I believe that the body will stop these thoughts one day. It seems only that it still will take a lot of time. I hope you are ok. Most of your bad thoughts I had, the only thing which I did not experience is the devil voice coming out of me. But maybe it comes later .... 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 Thank you shelby and Martina for the comments. I have such a strong metallic taste in my mouth and am filled with dread and despair. Suicidal thoughts are ramped right up as well. What the hell is going on in my body? There HAS to be something wrong like a hormonal imbalance or heavy metal toxicity!!! I'm not going to make it!! Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Frustrated Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 I get that metallic taste in my mouth too> What is that about? I am suffering from the mental ninjas as well. Sorry you are suffering too. I have the mental and the physical symptoms and by far the mental is worse. Hope it lifts for you soon. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
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