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Which "me" is the real me?


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#73 MNgal1960

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Posted 02 August 2016 - 04:38 AM

From what I've read, any kind of severe or repetitive trauma experienced while our brains are still developing and don't have the full ability to process information, affects how we relate to others and the world for our whole lives. It alters our brains as they develop. Of course, as small children, we are the most vulnerable to our parents as they were to theirs. Trauma can get passed down from generation to generation. But we can change this. The most useful thing I have found is a therapy called ACT.

 

I could not find a therapist to help me with this new mindfulness-based therapy called ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), so I have just been doing it myself. A very easy read on mindfulness and applying it to your life is called The Happiness Trap. It's a good start for the beginner. Then I moved on to deeper stuff with guided meditations I do daily. Mine are for chronic pain, but are really for dealing with the anxiety produced by chronic pain. I have been doing this as much as I am able for many months. I feel little bit by little bit that my brain is settling down. I may soon be ready to do short meditations without the voice guiding me.

 

This is a gentle form of meditating that just observes and accepts thoughts as they come and go rather than trying to force yourself into being in some super-meditative state. There is an example of a gentle meditation on FranticWorld.com. It is under Resources and You Are Not Your Pain, the one called The Breathing Anchor. Actually, I expect all of their samples are the gentle, ACT-based meditations, but I particularly like that one.

 

MN


2005-2006 Rapid taper off of Zoloft. Horrible but survived. Adverse drug reaction to Prozac. Stopped after only 4 days and had disabling symptoms for 6 months.

Severe sleep disorder.

2010-2013 Night panics began and ended sleep. All typical sleep aids failed.

2013-present: Valium (5mg x 3) prescribed by pro-benzo doctor. Helped me sleep for awhile. Then sleep began to get worse again.

Nov. 2014 Switched doctors. New doctor was anti-benzo but thought a 3-month taper was a slow taper. Failed and reinstated. Added 25mg Seroquel for sleep.

March-Sept. 2015 Made occasional very small dry cuts to the Seroquel. Down to 20mg. Did not notice much change in symptoms.

March 2016 Reduced gabapentin by 20% by accident and backed up again. (Was trying to feel less sedated.) Reduced again more slowly to 200+200+300.

June 2016 Starting a taper of the Seroquel again to see if I can get lower and still sleep. Feeling less sedated during the day, though still very low energy.

Sept 2016 Down to 16.5mg of Seroquel. Disabling neuropathy and sleep poor. Backed up to 17mg. Improved.

October 2016 Liquefied one V tablet. Neuropathy back immediately and continuing. Possibly from Q suspension I am still taking??? 

November 2016 All 3 tablets now dissolved. I think the windows are getting a little more frequent but they don't last long. Sleep poor.


#74 Effeffexor

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Posted 22 September 2016 - 07:42 PM

Neither can I. I have no idea who I was before meds. I can't remember.


Totally understand.

9/22/16 150mg EffexorXR
side effects [memory probs, idiopathic hypersomnia, rage, irritability, confusion, numbness, nausea, nightsweats, panic attacks]
9/23/16 131.25mg Effexor
10/11/16 112.5 split up in 37.5 mg doses 3xs a day. Still experiencing memory probs, idiopathic hypersomnia, irritability, night sweats, nausea, sound sensitivity.
10/30/16 84.375 divided into three doses. Same side effects

11/20/16 75 mg Effexor XR  

 

stable and resting from tapering.. side effects are down to hypersomnia, memory probs, nausea.


#75 Aria

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Posted 23 September 2016 - 10:22 AM

I'm surprised I haven't seen this thread before but I thought I would comment. I was on massive psychiatric drugs for over 15 years and had no idea during this time who I was, how I acted, how other people perceived me and most of all I was told repeatedly by my psychiatrist that my so-called toxic side effects were just ME, nothing else. I tapered half hazardly off the drugs because I didn't know any better but was rewarded to finding part of the old me. It was a scary thought "who am I after all these years on these drugs?" How will I be emotionally? How will my thinking be? What kind of life will I have? I think it's summed up when one of my longtime friends realized I was drug free and as she looked me in the eye she said, "Welcome back".

On my Success Story thread I wrote "I am pretty much the old me but no one can go through this (psychiatry, psychiatric drugging, labeling) and not be changed by it."

I know we morph during our lifetime, changing how we may think, how we may act but I believe there is the core of us that is somewhat finite. Because psychiatric drugs change us it is scary wondering what is underneath after all this time? I for one I'm very grateful that I was able to taper off all my drugs, endure the withdrawals and come out through the tunnel into the sun light. I feel more relaxed being drug free and I like this.

Poly drugged for 15 years with every psychiatric drug in the PDR.

C/t off Seroquel, tapered trazodone, celexa, dalmane, ativan (among others) and have been drug free for years. I thank the heavens I survived.

Link to my Introduction thread:   http://survivinganti...-psych-journey/

Reading my psychiatric records: http://survivinganti...iatric-records/

My Success Story is listed under "Aria's Recovery".

 


#76 MNgal1960

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Posted 18 October 2016 - 12:17 PM

Aria, I'm so happy to hear you are pretty much the old you. It gives me hope that some day someone will say, "Welcome back'" to me.


2005-2006 Rapid taper off of Zoloft. Horrible but survived. Adverse drug reaction to Prozac. Stopped after only 4 days and had disabling symptoms for 6 months.

Severe sleep disorder.

2010-2013 Night panics began and ended sleep. All typical sleep aids failed.

2013-present: Valium (5mg x 3) prescribed by pro-benzo doctor. Helped me sleep for awhile. Then sleep began to get worse again.

Nov. 2014 Switched doctors. New doctor was anti-benzo but thought a 3-month taper was a slow taper. Failed and reinstated. Added 25mg Seroquel for sleep.

March-Sept. 2015 Made occasional very small dry cuts to the Seroquel. Down to 20mg. Did not notice much change in symptoms.

March 2016 Reduced gabapentin by 20% by accident and backed up again. (Was trying to feel less sedated.) Reduced again more slowly to 200+200+300.

June 2016 Starting a taper of the Seroquel again to see if I can get lower and still sleep. Feeling less sedated during the day, though still very low energy.

Sept 2016 Down to 16.5mg of Seroquel. Disabling neuropathy and sleep poor. Backed up to 17mg. Improved.

October 2016 Liquefied one V tablet. Neuropathy back immediately and continuing. Possibly from Q suspension I am still taking??? 

November 2016 All 3 tablets now dissolved. I think the windows are getting a little more frequent but they don't last long. Sleep poor.