jthebrave: Protracted WD after 13 years on SSRI's HELP!

[jthebrave]

Hello all! It's been roughly a year since I was forced to stop taking SSRI's (after 13 years on them). I say "forced off" merely because my body could not tolerate them any longer. I was never on more than one drug at a time, but I tried just about every SSRI on the market with very little success (along with Wellbrutrin and others from different classes). The outrageously ironic thing of it all is that, for 13 years, I tolerated these drugs as if they were candy...barely feeling anything while on them at moderate to high doses. All of the sudden, around a year ago and out of the blue, I just couldn't take the meds any longer. I believe I was on a low dose of Effexor XR when I began to experience very strange, almost disabling symptoms. My symptoms included really bad head pressure, visual disturbances such as shadows/silhoutees, lightheadedness, dizziness/wooziness, and worse depression, anxiety, and paranoia than I've ever experienced in my life prior to or while taking the drugs. I tried reinstating a few times with no luck...with each time resulting in worsening of the present symptoms.

 

A year later and drug free, I still feel as if the drug(s) are stuck in my brain, gut, and nervous system...with my body slowly trying to correct and balance itself (every now and then I have bad brain and body zaps). While a few symptoms have "slightly" improved, I feel as if I am only 20-30% healed of the damage this has caused me!! I cannot afford ECT or TMS and have become so traumatized by these drugs (not wanting to go back on them) that I don't know what to do anymore. If there was a supplement or drug to take for this condition, I would be on it tomorrow!

 

-Mike

[Pugknows]

(((((Mike))))) I feel for you. I'm only 4 months off CT gabapentin and am pretty much bedridden. One day bleeds into the next with no relief whatsoever. So sorry you haven't seen much improvement in a year's time, but you are probably going to turn a corner very soon. (((Hugs)))) I'll check in on you.

[Pugknows]

Have you felt horrible the whole year, or recently?

[jthebrave]

Thank you Pug! Yes it's been pretty horrible for the entire year. It's been so bad at times that I once felt as if I had a brain tumor (although I went to a doctor and he quickly shot that idea down, thankfully!) Only for the last 2-3 months have I begun to feel some "slight" relief from this hell. Yet, the head pressure/difficulty breathing are still pretty constant and I still feel drugged up along with visual disturbances. The short windows of relief are amazing, however. These are the only things that give me hope for a full recovery some day. Unfortunately, they only last for maybe a half hour at the most. I felt as though I was the only one aware of this and suffering from it until I found this site. How about you? Is your WD really so bad that you're bedridden? I feel for you...I really do!! What are some of your primary WD symptoms??

[Pugknows]

I have all your symptoms. I wake up every morning at 3am with head whooshing cortisol surges that last all day. Breathlessness, exhaustion, dizziness, heart palps, akathisia, anxiety through the roof, then depression, can't eat enough to stop losing weight, helmet head, plugged ears. All fun fun fun. Same, and sometimes worse, every day. I walk around like a zombie with wine spinouts. Always feel drugged. Keep waiting for a window. Wouldn't even mind one with pigeon poop.

[clearday]

Hi jthebrave -

 

The main thing is that you found this website, so that you know all the symptoms you are having are likely from protracted SSRI WD.

 

You can tell from my signature below that I've been through this before with SSRIs. It can take a long time to recover, so hang in there. Your body is doing its best to heal, and will do so at its own pace. 

 

I am like you, when I was on these SSRI drugs I really didn't feel any different than normal, the drugs seemed so harmless. But when I went off them, all hell broke loose. 

 

When your meds stopped working for you, that's known as "poop-out" unless you had lowered your dose and triggered withdrawal.

 

Although you aren't going to do any tapering - since you cold turkeyed a year ago - this link is a good thread to read that explains a lot about withdrawal in general:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/

 

If you'd like to fill out your signature,click on your name at the top of this page, then click on "My Profile", click on "edit my profile", and on the left hand side click on "Signature", and write down a psych drug history so others can get a quick look of your history to help you better.

 

And here is info on the windows and waves pattern of recovery: 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-recovery/

[Petunia]

Welcome Mike,

I'm glad you found us and no longer think you are going through this alone, there are many of us here in the exact same situation, caused by these drugs.

 

First I want to reassure you that you will get better, recovery from antidepressant withdrawal, and other drugs happens, mostly through the passing of time and allowing the brain and nervous system to repair itself naturally. But there are some things you can do to support recovery and help manage symptoms.

 

Here is the link to our symptoms and self care section, you may find some useful ideas to help manage symptoms as you recover.  Especially read the topics pinned at the top.

 

If we could have a few more details of your drug history, that would be helpful.  Dates, drugs, dosages and how you stopped taking them. 

 

Please would you put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature.  Putting a short version of your drug and tapering history in your signature helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts.  Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

There's one thing I'm a little confused about.

 

All of the sudden, around a year ago and out of the blue, I just couldn't take the meds any longer. I believe I was on a low dose of Effexor XR when I began to experience very strange, almost disabling symptoms. My symptoms included really bad head pressure, visual disturbances such as shadows/silhoutees, lightheadedness, dizziness/wooziness, and worse depression, anxiety, and paranoia than I've ever experienced in my life prior to or while taking the drugs. I tried reinstating a few times with no luck...with each time resulting in worsening of the present symptoms.

 

Did you start experiencing symptoms while you were still taking Effexor?  Had you recently made any changes or cut your dose?  When you write that you tried reinstating, it sounds like you had already stopped taking the Effexor, so I'm wondering if you had been taking it irregularly before the symptoms started.

 

Have you been completely drug free for the last year?

 

If we can get a clear understanding of your history, it may help to explain was has happened.

 

You can use this thread as your ongoing journal to track progress, write about symptoms, ask questions and communicate with the community, add to it whenever you want.

 

Petunia.

[JanCarol]

Hey J - 

 

I'm sorry that you have been suffering for so long.

 

I agree with Petunia, there is a chance your symptoms may have started in response to drug changes, not necessarily a reaction to the drug itself.  Going on and off of drugs sets up a brain reaction, even while you are still on the drugs.  Both are equally likely, and there may be elements of both in your current suffering.

 

It is very important to recognize the special needs of your brain in withdrawal.  This includes no drinking, no recreational drugs, and you may even have to be aware and careful of caffeine, sugar (beware the energy drink!), or even gluten or dairy.  

 

So if you've been having the occasional party with a few beers during this time, it could reset the healing time of your brain.  If you have done this frequently - well, that would explain why this has been a difficult year for you.

 

There are a few supplements which can help.  Please read about them here, as you will learn about types and dosages, and individual reactions to them:

Magnesium

Omega-3 fish oil

Most people get some good response from these.  They will not eliminate your symptoms, they are not magic pills to make the pain go away, but they may take the edge off of your suffering so that you can move forward.

 

Welcome to SA - there are several people here who have experienced this and come out the other side.  

[jthebrave]

Welcome Mike,

I'm glad you found us and no longer think you are going through this alone, there are many of us here in the exact same situation, caused by these drugs.

 

First I want to reassure you that you will get better, recovery from antidepressant withdrawal, and other drugs happens, mostly through the passing of time and allowing the brain and nervous system to repair itself naturally. But there are some things you can do to support recovery and help manage symptoms.

 

Here is the link to our symptoms and self care section, you may find some useful ideas to help manage symptoms as you recover.  Especially read the topics pinned at the top.

 

If we could have a few more details of your drug history, that would be helpful.  Dates, drugs, dosages and how you stopped taking them. 

 

Please would you put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature.  Putting a short version of your drug and tapering history in your signature helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts.  Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

There's one thing I'm a little confused about.

 

All of the sudden, around a year ago and out of the blue, I just couldn't take the meds any longer. I believe I was on a low dose of Effexor XR when I began to experience very strange, almost disabling symptoms. My symptoms included really bad head pressure, visual disturbances such as shadows/silhoutees, lightheadedness, dizziness/wooziness, and worse depression, anxiety, and paranoia than I've ever experienced in my life prior to or while taking the drugs. I tried reinstating a few times with no luck...with each time resulting in worsening of the present symptoms.

 

Did you start experiencing symptoms while you were still taking Effexor?  Had you recently made any changes or cut your dose?  When you write that you tried reinstating, it sounds like you had already stopped taking the Effexor, so I'm wondering if you had been taking it irregularly before the symptoms started.

 

Have you been completely drug free for the last year?

 

If we can get a clear understanding of your history, it may help to explain was has happened.

 

You can use this thread as your ongoing journal to track progress, write about symptoms, ask questions and communicate with the community, add to it whenever you want.

 

Petunia.

 

Petunia-

 

Yes, I started experiencing the beginning of my symptoms while taking Effexor XR at a fairly low dose (75mg I think). I have been SSRI and antidepressant free for over a year (except taking a micro dose "1.5 mg") of Trazadone a few times a week for sleep. That's all I can tolerate right now. The thing is....typically WD symptoms would start after one cuts back or goes cold turkey, right? This confuses me to this day as to why they would begin while I was ON the meds. That was the primary reason I had to stop. Every time I took the SSRI (after years of feeling nothing while taking these things), it was as if my body would become "overloaded" with serotonin and/or cortisol, dopamine, and norenephrine. And this just came out of the blue one day.

 

 It's as if my these chemicals were building up inside of me without myself being physically aware of it. Something went haywire in my system really, really fast! I liken the feelings to having mild serotonin syndrome at the time...even though I wasn't on more than one drug or at a high dose. Heart pounding, bad head pressure, difficulty breathing; among other symptoms. Every time I tried to reinstate, my symptoms intensified. Clearly these symptoms are drug related or else they wouldn't get worse while trying to reinstate. I think??? The only thing I can tolerate is a micro dose (once in a while) of Trazadone. That's how screwed up these drugs have made me. In my early twenties, I was on brand Celexa for a few years with some success (the only drug that ever worked for me), but when I stopped the drug I was in WD for maybe a month at the most!! God how I wish that had been the case a year ago!!!

 

Over most of the 13 years, however, I jumped around a lot in the attempt to find something that worked at an affordable (non brand name) cost. No luck. I'm sure this did not help. I tried just about every drug on the market. My longest therapy besides Celexa was over 2 years on Effexor XR. I believe the crappy generics, or at least one of them, is at fault here. Most of them simply don't work...if they're even the actually drug to begin with (Teva and most Indian generic antidepressants). If I could do it over, I would have taken ONLY brand name if possible, and I would have also taken LONG breaks from these drugs!! But I can't. I have to stick it out now. I do have small windows of relief from time to time, and the body and brain zaps also give me some hope for a full recovery down the road.

[jthebrave]

And thanks for all of the kind welcomes from everyone!

[jthebrave]

*this post and one response moved from the symptoms section

 

After 13 years of tolerating meds VERY WELL, I can barely take anything without feeling as though I have serotonin syndrome or something similar! Heart pounding/racing, head pressure, difficulty breathing, a general feeling of heaviness, visual problems, and a few other symptoms that are not in my head...otherwise I wouldn't have been able to take the meds for all those years! A year later and mostly drug free (except for a micro dose of Trazadone twice a week), I'm quite sure the same thing would happen if I tried to reinstate. I am beginning to think either the drugs have damaged my brain and/or nervous system, or that I have developed some type of nervous system disorder. Lastly, if a high serotonin/dopamine/norenephrine problem is occurring, what can I possibly due to drastically LOWER these chemicals in me??

Edited March 14, 2015 by Petunia
added note

[Altostrata]

Please read What is withdrawal syndrome? and the other topics pinned to the top of this forum's content list.

[jthebrave]

For the past few days, I have felt miraculously better. I can only describe it as this kind of light, normal feeling. I don't recall feeling this way for a long, LONG TIME! The overwhelming and persistent heaviness (in my head and body) which I have felt for so long is beginning to lift. I can only hope it continues to get better and that I don't experience any major setbacks. But I'm not banking on it because I know that I still have a long road ahead. It's almost impossible to describe, but it's TRULY as if a very weight has been lifted off of me; not altogether, but still an improvement! Perhaps some of it is due to spring being around the corner. Has anyone else experienced this during their recovery process?

[Fresh]

Hi jt ,  could you move this or repost it on your other thread . . . folks following that will want to share in the good news.

 

Best wishes ,  Fresh

[dalsaan]

I merged your topics, only one topic per person in the introductions forum

 

Sounds like you are having a window. That's great. Many people experience a window and wave pattern to their recovery Here is a thread on that - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-recovery/

 

Dalsaan

[Petunia]

I'm glad you're experiencing some relief Mike, I hope it lasts, if not, check out the link Dalsaan posted, most of us go through this non-linear pattern of recovery we call windows and waves.

 

Could I ask you to put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature.  Putting a short version of your drug and tapering history in your signature helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts.  Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

Please stay in touch and let us know how you're doing.

[nz11]

jthebrave any update.

No doubt you are aware there is a wdl survey asking for peoples experiences.

Are you able to participate it would be great if you could.

Your voice would be valuable.

 

[nz11]

jthebrave how are you doing these days?