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Losing Faith


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#1 Wildflower0214

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Posted 07 March 2015 - 07:20 PM

I just don't feel like I can believe anymore. There are too many questions and no answers. I have fought so damn hard to keep my faith in God, I have fought with everything I have. And, I'm losing the battle. And, it breaks my heart.
2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....
5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

#2 Wildflower0214

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Posted 07 March 2015 - 08:43 PM

Either I'm not doing it right, or Christianity doesn't work for me. I'm not even sure what it would look like if it did work.

What I do know is I am tired, weary, of trying to figure it out.

This may be a bunch of crap that I am spewing and regret tomorrow. I hope it is. My fear is, it isn't. And, I am going to have to navigate this new path to.... I have no idea.

I haven't heard of many Zen Buddhists struggling with religious OCD. I find this interesting. I don't struggle with this normally, but I do now in WD. So, basically my version of God is making me sick.
2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....
5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

#3 btdt

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Posted 08 March 2015 - 09:17 AM

religious OCD.?  Is this where scripture goes thru you head all the time?  It could be worse things going thru you head ... oddly enough no matter what repeats in your head in OCD part of wd it is painful event the best songs in the world hurt when it is 24/7 wks on end.... it is the OCD and anything can be taken ... religion music anything...I am not sure about Buddists ? not into looking it up low ebb of energy now. 

 

What is that?  I lost my faith in wd too.. and while on Effexor you can't be naked in a bar and call yourself a christian... tho I was once pushed real hard on the topic at work and said I believe in God so kill me if that is a crime.  When it came right down to it even being a stripper and out of my head I could not deny it.  However in wd I lost it ...... I lost faith I was tortured by many things but this was one of them.  It was a battle to keep believing that God was watching all I was going thru ................... I would lose faith in utter despair find it again... fight back and forth.  Pray stop praying... quite a merry go round.  

 

For me it was just one more thing I had that could get messed with and it was messed with like my brain my body my family ect... add it to the list. 

Withdrawal so sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivinganti...ng-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)


#4 Wildflower0214

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Posted 08 March 2015 - 11:35 AM

No religious OCD is feeling like crap all the time because of the s word we all love so much...SIN.

I'm sure feeling like this is helping my recovery. Whatever version of God I have is not helping me. Not surprising, given I was brought up under Catholic guilt tripping. Very healthy.
2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....
5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

#5 SelmaLady

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Posted 08 March 2015 - 02:54 PM

(((WF))) 

You are a beacon for me and I know that God is with you and in you.  Your prayers and your encouragements are Spirit filled and you have brought me out of terror and despair by your prayers for me and by telling me that God is enough even for this. 

 

I have been where you are many, many times.  I have questioned prayer in particular.   I am so sorry that you're in so much pain and angst over just who God is after all.  

 

When I come to the end of my own resources in keeping up my belief, I have to first go back to the beginning of my faith in Christ, how it changed my whole reality, how I KNEW that there is a God and there IS a salvation and I am established in that reality.  I did not create that reality--it  is not something I would have ever conceived of.  Then I have to go back to the Bible and ask openly and honestly, just what DOES God say to us about who He is and what we can absolutely depend on.  And what He does say is that He will be WITH us always.  He will give us His strength to endure.  He will bring us through to the end   He will give His peace and His joy --- and His ways are not ours.   I have to stop flailing about and stop asking that my plans and my ideas of what life here should be and just hold onto His Spirit within me.  I have no other choice.----- I can't possibly get through one day of this without Him. I truly can't.   

 

Somewhere it seems that we have believed  we have to convince God that we are lovable, we are worthy to be loved.  And we never seem to find that to be true.  And even tho the Scripture tell us that, while we yet SINNERS Christ dies for us, I don't think we really comprehend that because there is nothing in us that would do that.  I have to let go of what I perceive love to be and go back to how much people in the Bible, people that I know (including you), and people that I have read about are allowed to go through deep suffering.  And these people are so obviously loved and honored by God.  So suffering is not exclusive of a deep relationship with God.  

 

But then I ask, why bother to pray for relief from suffering?  Why beg for it and plead for it and find what seems to be nothing but a closed door?   The only answer I find is that He told me to.  He told me to keep on knocking and seeking and asking.  I had a dear friend whose son died in Viet Nam and she said that she would beg God not to make it so, to change what had happened.  And she said that He showed her she was knocking on the wrong door.  And when she asked Him what door to knock on, He showed her-- one of comfort and love and peace that her son would see her again and that she had not lost him.  I don't know how to translate that to us, but I know that there is a way God has for us to get through this.  And that I have to let HIM take the responsibility for it.  

 

Love you and am walking with you in this unthinkable life we have right now. 


1971-81  Valium 5mg c/t PAWS     1988- through now Zoloft 25mg    2003-05 Valium 12mg Slow Taper Off

2013 Afrin Exposure to CNS    2013 O/D Val 230mg    2013 Doxepin 50mg Clonidine 2mg Zolft 25mg

3/15/16  Doxepin 49mg Mico Tapering  Zoloft 24.3mg Holding taper

3/15/16 Clonidine mg 0.1 1/2 -    Decreasing incrementally. 

10/9/16  Doxepin 48.9  Zoloft 24.3  Clonidine  01.10  Continuing micro taper on Doxepin.

11/16/16 Doxepin 48mg  Zoloft 24.3mg  Clonidine 01.10

 

 


#6 chicken

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Posted 08 March 2015 - 06:27 PM

Know WF, that if you have confessed and forsaken your sins, He has forgiven you. He has promised this in HIS word. You can believe it. I've had religious OCD and I know what it is like. I was so afraid some years back that I had committed the unpardonable sin but the Lord got me through that and it no longer troubles me. It didn't happen over night but when it did happen it was gone and I thank the Lord for that.

 

I 've also had other things that I got "hung" up on from the Bible but the Lord brought me through all of those. I know he will do the same for you. Keep trusting HIM.


Prozac 1999-2009 quit semi cold turkey.

 

2012 Placed on Seroquel 25 mg, Tranxene (Clorezepate) 3.75 mg 3x a day, Remeron 30 mg for anxiety/akathesia.

 

Weaned off Seroquel and Tranxene .to Remeron 15 Mg.

In May 2014 tried quitting Remeron at its lowest dose. Had severe withdrawals.Reinstated Remeron at 30 mg by doctor. August 5 2014 entered hospital. Doctor pulled the Remeron and bridged it to Pamelor (Nortriptyline) 40mg and Zyprexa 2.5mg.After removing the Remeron all my bad symptoms went away and I am stable.

 

9/11/14 - 7.5 mg tranxene, 40mg Pamelor, Zyprexa 2.5mg

12/29/14 -  20mg Pamelor, 1/6/15,  7/31/15 3.5mg, 8/10/15 3.2 mg, 9/15/15 2.2mg, 10/15/15 1.8mg

(Feb 2016 - 1.4mg Pamelor only -  OFF OF TRANXENE AND ZYPREXA SINCE DEC 2014 BENZO FREE Since 2014. Nortrityline (Pamelor) .8mg Aug 2016

My PH balance thread: http://survivinganti...wonders-for-me/


#7 btdt

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Posted 08 March 2015 - 10:57 PM

Selma said the reality was changed and sometimes in wd what reality we hold slips away and with it some of the things that hold us together.  I loved her words Thank You Selma! 

We are saved by GRACE not of ourselves it is a GIFT.... God is faithful.  I know you believe in him rest in that there is something bigger than all of us going on here be still and know that he is God. 

I wish you peace


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivinganti...ng-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)


#8 Wildflower0214

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Posted 09 March 2015 - 08:27 PM

Thank you all for the discussion. I'm too sick to respond fully. I'm sorry. I will when I am improved. Until then, I am hanging on to God. It's not Him that has hurt me, it's the version of Him I have believed was accurate, and now I am seeing it is skewed.

I pray He help me know the truth, and that in knowing it, I will be set free.
2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....
5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

#9 btdt

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Posted 09 March 2015 - 08:45 PM

peaceWF 


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivinganti...ng-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)


#10 Earthworm

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Posted 21 March 2015 - 01:43 AM

I think I've finally left Christianity. It didn't help me, all it did was give me more anxiety and worry. There are all kinds of theologies in Christendom though, some nicer than others, many are destructive though. I must have lost years off my lifespan worrying about getting into heaven.

 

I dunno how anyone can talk about love, when majority of the world is headed for eternal suffering in hell. The theologies are just appalling to me thinking about it now.

 

I realize now why I believed some sort of Christian worldview my whole life. I believed in God, and assumed it must be the God of the Bible. I'm still theist though, just believe in a better God, and happy afterlife for all.


-On SSRI since April 2006.
-December 2007: SSRI discontinuation and WD start.
-February 2008: SSRI reinstatement... improvement, yet debilitating destabilization remains to this day.
-Currently taking: 20mg Citalopram, 1mg Risperidone (for insomnia).
-Current symptoms: OCD, social anxiety disorder, insomnia, agitation in legs, weight gain, muscle fatigue, skin brusing.


#11 antidepressantsNoMore

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Posted 23 March 2015 - 12:37 PM

I think I've finally left Christianity. It didn't help me, all it did was give me more anxiety and worry. There are all kinds of theologies in Christendom though, some nicer than others, many are destructive though. I must have lost years off my lifespan worrying about getting into heaven.

 

I dunno how anyone can talk about love, when majority of the world is headed for eternal suffering in hell. The theologies are just appalling to me thinking about it now.

 

I realize now why I believed some sort of Christian worldview my whole life. I believed in God, and assumed it must be the God of the Bible. I'm still theist though, just believe in a better God, and happy afterlife for all.

 

I think you have the wrong view of Christianity as a religion in whole. "TRUE" Christians believe in forgiveness. Our God is a forgiving God. God understand everything about you, and has forgiven you. The problem is you need to forgive yourself for your past mistakes which is so hard.

 

I understand your struggle. It is only until now, that I realize what it means to believe in Jesus Christ. You need to have faith. By having faith, you do not have anxiety about getting into heaven. You put your fears, concerns and anxiety in God's hand and God will handle them by having faith in him. I know it is hard for many to do or believe, but this is way we must live.

 

Maybe you were brought up to fear God? Like I said, I'm no perfect Christian and I'm not here to insult you and I understand why you are feeling the way you are. Just let your worries go, no matter how hard it is. God is love not hate, judgement nor worry.


2013- stopped prestiq cold turkey

2015-  restarted Prozac 40 mg (feeling better)

2016 - Prozac 20 mg (feeling better than I have in years).

 


#12 Wildflower0214

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Posted 23 March 2015 - 05:37 PM


I think I've finally left Christianity. It didn't help me, all it did was give me more anxiety and worry. There are all kinds of theologies in Christendom though, some nicer than others, many are destructive though. I must have lost years off my lifespan worrying about getting into heaven.

I dunno how anyone can talk about love, when majority of the world is headed for eternal suffering in hell. The theologies are just appalling to me thinking about it now.

I realize now why I believed some sort of Christian worldview my whole life. I believed in God, and assumed it must be the God of the Bible. I'm still theist though, just believe in a better God, and happy afterlife for all.


I think you have the wrong view of Christianity as a religion in whole. "TRUE" Christians believe in forgiveness. Our God is a forgiving God. God understand everything about you, and has forgiven you. The problem is you need to forgive yourself for your past mistakes which is so hard.

I understand your struggle. It is only until now, that I realize what it means to believe in Jesus Christ. You need to have faith. By having faith, you do not have anxiety about getting into heaven. You put your fears, concerns and anxiety in God's hand and God will handle them by having faith in him. I know it is hard for many to do or believe, but this is way we must live.

Maybe you were brought up to fear God? Like I said, I'm no perfect Christian and I'm not here to insult you and I understand why you are feeling the way you are. Just let your worries go, no matter how hard it is. God is love not hate, judgement nor worry.


The more I go through this the more I realize, that the gospel of peace has been trampled by ritualistic, legalistic religion. And, many have left the faith. And, much much harm has been done in the name of Christ. I grew up in a Christian home, and what I thought all my life was Christianity, was certainly not. I nearly lost faith because of it. I am having to learn the basics all over again, and they are nothing like what I was taught for 30 years in church.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.
2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....
5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

#13 Earthworm

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Posted 24 March 2015 - 01:09 AM

I think you have the wrong view of Christianity as a religion in whole. "TRUE" Christians believe in forgiveness. Our God is a forgiving God. God understand everything about you, and has forgiven you. The problem is you need to forgive yourself for your past mistakes which is so hard.
 
I understand your struggle. It is only until now, that I realize what it means to believe in Jesus Christ. You need to have faith. By having faith, you do not have anxiety about getting into heaven. You put your fears, concerns and anxiety in God's hand and God will handle them by having faith in him. I know it is hard for many to do or believe, but this is way we must live.
 
Maybe you were brought up to fear God? Like I said, I'm no perfect Christian and I'm not here to insult you and I understand why you are feeling the way you are. Just let your worries go, no matter how hard it is. God is love not hate, judgement nor worry.

 

What bothers me about Christianity is the teachings on salvation. Most of Christianity teaches either eternal or temporary suffering in the afterlife for those who don't do things needed for salvation, which are either faith alone, faith+good works, or good works alone. To me, that seems like a really crappy situation for mankind to be born into... born into a realm where you gotta live under the threat of flames and try to save your skin.

 

The reason why a lot of Christianity has threatening and dark teachings, is because its source, the Bible, is that way, and theologians/churches include those in their theology.


-On SSRI since April 2006.
-December 2007: SSRI discontinuation and WD start.
-February 2008: SSRI reinstatement... improvement, yet debilitating destabilization remains to this day.
-Currently taking: 20mg Citalopram, 1mg Risperidone (for insomnia).
-Current symptoms: OCD, social anxiety disorder, insomnia, agitation in legs, weight gain, muscle fatigue, skin brusing.


#14 antidepressantsNoMore

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Posted 24 March 2015 - 07:57 AM

 

I think you have the wrong view of Christianity as a religion in whole. "TRUE" Christians believe in forgiveness. Our God is a forgiving God. God understand everything about you, and has forgiven you. The problem is you need to forgive yourself for your past mistakes which is so hard.
 
I understand your struggle. It is only until now, that I realize what it means to believe in Jesus Christ. You need to have faith. By having faith, you do not have anxiety about getting into heaven. You put your fears, concerns and anxiety in God's hand and God will handle them by having faith in him. I know it is hard for many to do or believe, but this is way we must live.
 
Maybe you were brought up to fear God? Like I said, I'm no perfect Christian and I'm not here to insult you and I understand why you are feeling the way you are. Just let your worries go, no matter how hard it is. God is love not hate, judgement nor worry.

 

What bothers me about Christianity is the teachings on salvation. Most of Christianity teaches either eternal or temporary suffering in the afterlife for those who don't do things needed for salvation, which are either faith alone, faith+good works, or good works alone. To me, that seems like a really crappy situation for mankind to be born into... born into a realm where you gotta live under the threat of flames and try to save your skin.

 

The reason why a lot of Christianity has threatening and dark teachings, is because its source, the Bible, is that way, and theologians/churches include those in their theology.

 

 

Different churches interpret the bible different ways. Some churches preach the word of God using the old testament while other churches use the new testament. Then there are churches which preach the word of God using both testaments. There are many different branches of Christianity. Not all believe the same thing.

 

Old testament is of God's wrath on mankind. New testament is of God's love and forgiveness of mankind for their sins.

Of course, these conclusions about each testament and are not completely accurate. It is more complex then this but I am trying to but it into contents as best as I can.

 

There has to be rules in life that God laid down for man to follow, if he didn't, there would be no consequences for bad behavior. The bible are the teachings of God. You may or may not believe them and that is fine, but I can tell you from experience, they have meaning which can be used in daily life.

 

If you are a good person, then God will see that, and will acknowledge it. This I am sure of.

 

I'm not trying to shove “Christianity” down your throat. Just letting you know that it is so much more than just the “fear of hell”. I think you are obsessing far too much about the fear of going to hell due to your OCD.

 

Is it possible you suffer from a form of OCD known as "Pure-OCD" based on intrusive religious thoughts and the fear of hell?? If so, you should learn how to put these thoughts/concerns into context, and manage them. Maybe seek the advice of a therapist.

 

I wish you the best of luck.


2013- stopped prestiq cold turkey

2015-  restarted Prozac 40 mg (feeling better)

2016 - Prozac 20 mg (feeling better than I have in years).

 


#15 Earthworm

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Posted 24 March 2015 - 10:57 PM

Yes there is more to Christianity, but some of our family members, friends, neighbors, are gonna suffer for eternity in hell. If that doesn't make one panic I dunno what else will.


-On SSRI since April 2006.
-December 2007: SSRI discontinuation and WD start.
-February 2008: SSRI reinstatement... improvement, yet debilitating destabilization remains to this day.
-Currently taking: 20mg Citalopram, 1mg Risperidone (for insomnia).
-Current symptoms: OCD, social anxiety disorder, insomnia, agitation in legs, weight gain, muscle fatigue, skin brusing.


#16 antidepressantsNoMore

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 04:13 AM

Yes there is more to Christianity, but some of our family members, friends, neighbors, are gonna suffer for eternity in hell. If that doesn't make one panic I dunno what else will.

 

And why are these people going to suffer for eternity in hell?


2013- stopped prestiq cold turkey

2015-  restarted Prozac 40 mg (feeling better)

2016 - Prozac 20 mg (feeling better than I have in years).

 


#17 lionofJuda

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 08:35 PM

I understand it happens to me i cant get back my life prior to psycotropic drugs i am mess and god didnt help out i am tired so tired of my helpless situation i guess the devil.won a soul.and god lost me

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.


#18 ladybug

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 11:44 PM

I feel I have lost my faith too. It's just so hard when you pray for something every day for years on end (to be healed of this) and it doesn't come. And I don't hear God speaking to me, and I don't feel comforted. I feel confused and alone. And when I see all of these modern "Christians" who are hateful, judgmental, bigoted people I don't want to be associated with them at all. And yes the Old Testament may be more about a vengeful God, and the New Testament about a forgiving God, but that doesn't change the fact that it says in BOTH the Old and New Testament that homosexuals will go to hell. I'm sorry but I do not agree with that at all, and it's hard for me to just overlook that. How can one be sent to hell for something they have no control over? I have so many questions and God can't answer them for me. Only people can answer these questions, and everyone has a different opinion and think THEY are the only ones that are right. I do believe my faith has gotten me through some very dark times, but now I question whether it was God getting me through those times or whether it would have happened anyway. I mean I have many atheist friends with amazing lives, so where are all their blessings coming from? I'm not sure if I'm making sense. I guess my point is is that it really sucks to feel you are losing your faith.


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#19 antidepressantsNoMore

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Posted 26 March 2015 - 02:25 PM

I feel I have lost my faith too. It's just so hard when you pray for something every day for years on end (to be healed of this) and it doesn't come. And I don't hear God speaking to me, and I don't feel comforted. I feel confused and alone. And when I see all of these modern "Christians" who are hateful, judgmental, bigoted people I don't want to be associated with them at all. And yes the Old Testament may be more about a vengeful God, and the New Testament about a forgiving God, but that doesn't change the fact that it says in BOTH the Old and New Testament that homosexuals will go to hell. I'm sorry but I do not agree with that at all, and it's hard for me to just overlook that. How can one be sent to hell for something they have no control over? I have so many questions and God can't answer them for me. Only people can answer these questions, and everyone has a different opinion and think THEY are the only ones that are right. I do believe my faith has gotten me through some very dark times, but now I question whether it was God getting me through those times or whether it would have happened anyway. I mean I have many atheist friends with amazing lives, so where are all their blessings coming from? I'm not sure if I'm making sense. I guess my point is is that it really sucks to feel you are losing your faith.

 

I know plenty of modern day atheists who are bigots as well.

 

I'm not going to discuss the other thing you brought up because it is irrelevant and doesn't describe Christianity as a religion at all.


2013- stopped prestiq cold turkey

2015-  restarted Prozac 40 mg (feeling better)

2016 - Prozac 20 mg (feeling better than I have in years).

 


#20 JanCarol

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Posted 23 June 2015 - 09:21 AM


"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.

 

Currently Lithium Orotate 1.67 mg only.  I will re-evaluate this supplement in 2017.

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!


#21 strongereachday

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Posted 04 July 2015 - 06:10 PM

i became a Christian during the worst part of withdrawal and the first year in withdrawal. was never raised religious or anything, I was just so desperate and really felt like I was losing my mind and god was the only one to turn to. Christianity made things worse for me, but I guess it got me through one of the hardest times of my life without suicide which I am so grateful for. everyone has the right to believe what they want, but I considered myself delusional for believing in what I did and attribute it to a side effect of the medication. being a Christian has never been an interest of mine tell that time. I prayed for brain healing over and over again and it didn't come.



#22 lionofJuda

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Posted 06 September 2015 - 08:24 AM

Posted 06 September 2015 - 11:21 AM

DELIVERANCE AND HEALING FROM PERSCRIPTION MEDICATIONS

 

 

I was suffering from a life resulting from a lot of bad choices I made as a messed up person.  I was addicted to work and pleasing others. 

A couple weeks after 9/11 happened I went to a doctor because my heart was racing and I thought I was having a heart attack. I had stopped treating my sleep problems (I had insomnia my whole life) with natural products like vitamins and herbal teas and was drinking lots of coffee at work -- doing stuff that made me worse, including working 6 days a week and long hours. What I needed was to just let go and let GOD and a vacation.

The doc probably thought it was stress due to all going on in the country at the time.  She put me on a medication (I knew better than to do this!). It was called Paxil.  In 2 weeks I called her and told her I was worse.  She increased the dose.  This led to a nightmare for me.  In the 6 weeks I was on this drug I went what you call "MANIC". In all my years I had never gotten to this place before, even back many years ago when I did illegal drugs.

I was an outstanding employee; right arm to the president - helping doing various responsiblities of cleaning up a company they purchased.

During this time I stole thousands of dollars from my employer and spent it all in 6 weeks! Yes, me, who never stole a pencil from work.  I also did some other crazy things.  None of the money could be accounted for because I was out of my mind.  Fortunately I or nobody else lost their life during those 6 weeks.

I stopped the drug and crashed. I told them what I did. I got arrested and ended up in a 3 day stay at a mental hospital because I was afraid I would kill myself over what I had done.

These psychiatric doctors said I was bipolar. Well who wouldn’t be after being on that drug.  Anyway, these doctors wanted me to sue the medical doc who put me on that drug because she should have taken me off it when I called at 2 weeks with worse symptoms.  Instead she had increased it. They kept telling me I had a great case. I didn’t want to sue anyone.

I had to go to court proceedings.  I should have been put in prison. BUT, THE LORD TOOK CARE OF ME THROUGH THIS.  Even though I did not plead insanity like the doctors told me to do (because I felt I should own up to the consequences of my actions), I pled guilty and did not present my medical issues. By the grace of God I got off with just probation and to make monthly payments for 10 years.

I was such a mess.  I let the doctors put me on drugs.  I believed the lie I was bipolar. After going through a lot of drugs, this is what I ended up on daily for a few years: (enough to put down an elephant): 900 mg Seroquel, 300 mg Topamax, 3 mg Ativan, 3 mg Klonopin and more that I forgot the names of.  Also, for my fibromyalgia: 3 different drugs daily.  I forgot what they were but they were muscle relaxers and pain meds.

So I was for sure not in my right mind.  I could not function. I went on disability and gained a ton of weight.  One of my daughters had to do my checkbook. I was a zombie.

It took some years of living like this before the Lord could break through the wall. But thanks to HIM I was delivered from all these very very addictive meds and HE HEALED me.

I had pain for 20 years.  I had insomnia my whole life, and was addicted to lots of medications. Now I am pain free and drug free and I sleep. Also, I am more “balanced” than ever before, due to looking to Jesus for my everything - not others, nor constant drugs.

Also - instead of this legal mess going on for 10 years, in just 4 years for no reason at all every legal issue was all dropped and my record was wiped clean and I no longer had to repay the monthly payments.  It was if it never happened.  Who could do this?? JESUS of course!!!!

I have walked many paths but that was a very dark, scary one.  Still - HE REMEMBERED ME!  The Lord just keeps restoring all that the enemy stole from me.  No matter what path you are currently on, Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Light!

Staff Note:  To appreciate even more what God has done in Mona's life, you can read another testimony she has written:  http://www.precious-testimonies.com/BornAgain/L-N/Mona.htm

Many people ask God to take away their pain, (addiction;etc.) and leave it at that.  When He doesn't, they come to believe God doesn't care.  But for multitudes who have testified of the delivering and healing power of Jesus Christ becoming actively involved in their painful situations ... they had to be willing to place their total trust in Him, and then be willing to do everything He asked them to do from that point on. 

Jesus declares:  "Have faith in God" - Mark 11:22 

When Jesus stated that, the context in which it was intended was addressing this issue:  When there seems to be no way, God will make a way if we wholeheartedly trust Him.  When we've run out of human answers, God has answers we can't fathom, but we must wholeheartedly trust Him.  God always has and always will be the God who can execute ANY miracle.  The question becomes:  "How desperate and determined are we to trust Him for one?"

When we are in pain, we just want it to go away.  We want a "zap" from God in a moment of time so it will go away.  God has and does do that at times, but usually He DOESN'T because He sees areas in our lives that need to be dealt with first - often spiritual matters of serious importance - before deliverance and healing (and blessing) comes of our problems.

When it comes to sicknesses and diseases, often time we must be willing to change what we are putting into our bodies, as well as engaging in proper excercise.  Lifestyles may need changing, because stress kills.  What we are feeding our minds can be killing us.  What we think about can kill us.  There can be many issues God wants us to deal with before He's willing to execute healing on our behalf.

God allows us to reach points of pain where it will drive us to Him for relief.  It's in our times of desperation when we call out to Him and refuse to let Him go, that He sees a willingness in us to deal with certain issues we've minimized in the past ... or outright buried because of the trauma it has caused us, and/or aren't even consciously aware of. 

Sometimes it goes even deeper than that.  Sometimes it becomes necessary to have pointed, accurate prayer executed on behalf of demonic strongholds in the spirit realm that hold us ensnared, and unless those demonic strongholds are broken, we can walk around never walking in total victory.  Other times, breaking demonic strongholds off our lives involves changing the way we believe about things -- changing the way we go about trusting God and trusting His Word.

The person with serious health issues who does not have a trusted individual to help them deal with spiritual sickness issues has no recourse but to get alone with God and let God do what He knows is always best in their particular situation.  (Though getting alone with God should never be a last resort.  It should always be our first course of action!)  In so doing, we need to be trustingly patient with God.  We need to trust in Him to do what needs to get done in all areas of our lives -- doing whatever He wants us to do to work in co-operation with His plan -- and show a willingness to be teachable.  This is the soil in which miracles happen in our lives.

There is no sickness nor disease that faith in Jesus Christ can't heal.  There is no addiction/s faith in Jesus Christ can't set a person free from.  There is no situation on earth a person might be dealing with that faith in Jesus Christ doesn't have an answer for and the power to execute His answer.  His answer might not always be what we want at the time, but His answer/s will pay eternal dividends.  Jesus Christ has ALL power, because He and the Father and the Holy Spirit are God.  But we must be teachable.  Often - We must come to a place where there is no other option to turn to for help but Jesus.

Wiser words have never been stated.  For most people ... do you know when you'll get free from your addiction/s?  When you get desperate enough.  Do you know when you'll get healed from your sickness and disease?  When you get desperate enough.  When there seems to be no other way; when it seems like all hope is gone ... no matter how frustrated you are with God from times past or at present ... He is eagerly waiting for you to trust Him again and again and again and ... 

Trusting God can seem to be the hardest thing in the world.  I've tasted that painful, frustrating place.  Yet it's the wisest thing we can do -- leaning on Him to deal with our pain.  If it wasn't, I wouldn't be alive this moment writing this, nor would a multitude of others who have testimonies to share of the mighty power of God to deliver and heal and bless.  

Yet I believe we need to be very careful about forming beliefs that refuse to believe that God can take someone to glory through their sickness and/or disease.  We view things soley from this side of eternity.  Ever person who has died from some sickness or disease and passed into heaven never started complaining they were in in heaven, I have no doubt.

I'm of the belief that God wants us doing everything we know to do to help either ourselves or someone else become free of sicknesses and diseases, if they want our help -- yet be willing to hear the Holy Spirit say that it's time to let that person go on to glory if that is what God determines is best for the person, or ourselves.  

Sometimes the accumulated pain of life and/or the pain of the sickness or disease is too great for a person suffering (and sometimes those close to them).  Sometimes God weighs that issue and determines it is best to let that person come HOME.  Who are we to hinder that option, or get all bent out of shape about that option God many times uses? 

Sure we would like everyone to be totally healthy at death.  One moment perfectly healthy; then the heart stopping quickly and translation to heaven.  I'm guessing God would like the same.  But we don't live in a world YET that deals in "perfect situations".  That world is coming; it just is not here YET.  We live in a broken, chaotic world where sin and evil rages, and God works with us more at that level at present than in "perfect situations." 

We'll close with that.

- Norm Rasmussen, Director, Precious Testimonies

JESUS DID IT!  - or -  JESUS DID IT!

(Please paste one of the above links onto your Facebook page - website - blog - video; etc.)

If this testimony has blessed you in some special way, would you please take a few moments and share with us HOW it has blessed you? Your feedback is very important.  Please mention the Title and the Author of this writing when you email your comments.  We promise that we will not put you on any email list, badger you for money, nor will we give away or sell your email address.  Thank you so very, very much!  Email:  ptoffice@precious-testimonies.com 

Dear Reader - are you at peace with God?  If not, you can be.  Do you know what awaits you when you die?  You can have the assurance from God that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain.  Either Jesus Christ died for your sins, or He didn't (He did!).  Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to have your sins forgiven and get in right-standing with God?  We plead with you...please don't make such a tragic mistake.

To get to know God, to be at peace with God, to have your sins forgiven, to make certain heaven will be your home for eternity, to make certain that you are in right-standing with God right now ... please click here to help you understand the importance of being reconciled to God.  What you do about being reconciled to God will determine where you will spend eternity, precious one.  Your decision to be reconciled to God is the most important decision you'll ever make in this life, because in Christ, it is impossible to put a value on the worth of your soul in light of eternity.

We truly thank each of you who forward these testimonials and ministry writings to others.  Especially to prisoners! The part the Holy Spirit has you play is vital in helping win lost souls and encouraging and helping believers grow in their relationship with the Lord, and we can never thank you enough for your help on behalf of our Lord Jesus Christ.

[solicitation removed by SA moderator]


Edited by JanCarol, 01 July 2016 - 05:39 PM.
Removal of Requests for Donation - no solicitations on SA please

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.


#23 KarenB

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Posted 17 September 2015 - 08:20 PM

Add me to the list of those who lose their faith during withdrawal.  I hate the fact that I've lost my faith - I desperately wish God was true, or at least the God I always pictured as being right with me, through all the crap of my childhood.  But now, I can't bear to pray anymore, and I can't see how he/she can be true.  And it makes me feel horribly alone.

 

And it's no point telling any Christian friends - all they'll want to do is pray for me :blink:.  And that makes me mad :angry:.  (Though on the up-side, I got to use that crazy face for once...)

 

So to those here who have also lost their faith - I hear you, and I want to simply accept what you are saying - and add nothing further.

 

Hugs,

Karen 


2010 May Fluoxetine 20mg. Raging mostly stops, become more functional.
2011 February Escitalopram 10mg (sudden switch). 2012 January Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Early June Feeling great, decide to taper. Doc advises alternate days 20mg/10mg for 4 weeks.  Late June Steady. Drop to 10mg daily. Early July Not coping, raging, flu symptoms, shaky, anxious, low, spaced-out, self-destructive.  Mid July Return to alternate days 20mg/10mg - minimal improvement. Early August Return to full dose 20mg. Lost.
2014 February Switch to Venlafaxine. (First reduced Esc. to 10mg/day for a week) Feb-April Lost, 'light' self-harm, exhausted.
April Increase Ven. to 150mg/day. Dizzy. July 75mg twice a day to improve dizziness. Deep depression remains.  2015 Feb Vigilant dose spacing partially eases dizziness. Mar Switch to Effexor 75mg 2x/day. May Cut 10% to 135mg - bad w/d 2 mths, held 1 mth.  Aug 1.3% cut - bad 1mth, held 1mth. Oct 4 wkly 0.4% cuts held 6 weeks. Jan 2016 2 wkly 0.4% cuts. 8 month hold. Sept Wkly cuts: 0.5%, 3 1% cuts.  Oct 4 wkly 1% cuts, hold 3-4 weeks.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamins E & C, magnesium, iron, MSM, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.  My story of healing: ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor or counselor; please do your own research and be prepared to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.


#24 bluebalu86

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Posted 18 September 2015 - 10:25 PM

I'm in the same situation. 

When I was little, I had religious OCD. Religion freaked me out. And I don't come from a religious family, so it was never shoved down my throat. But what I learned about it made me dread it.

Then I was spiritual for a long time. Then I thought I was atheist. Then spiritual again. Now - I don't know. 

I talk about God and some saints and things from Christianity, but I'm not really Christian I think. The ideas in Christianity are not how I perceive God, so it's not a religion that fits me.

I've always been interested in Buddhism. 

Now I don't know. I'm just losing what little faith I had because such bad things are happening to me and I can't understand why. 


I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.
Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.
Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.
Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.
Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.
December - things getting even worse.

January - unbearable suffering


#25 KarenB

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Posted 18 September 2015 - 10:51 PM

I did have religion shoved down my throat as a kid, but I never connected that stuff with the idea I had of a Jesus who was with me.  Now, the closest I can get to anything spiritual is my belief that there is goodness in this world.  I cling on to that.  At least it's hopeful, and it focusses on love. 

 

Over the last year, being able to think 'there is goodness' has often been the only thing that has kept me on this path.  

 

I was really grateful to discover this particular topic because I've had nowhere else to say these things.  

 

Hugs,

Karen 


2010 May Fluoxetine 20mg. Raging mostly stops, become more functional.
2011 February Escitalopram 10mg (sudden switch). 2012 January Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Early June Feeling great, decide to taper. Doc advises alternate days 20mg/10mg for 4 weeks.  Late June Steady. Drop to 10mg daily. Early July Not coping, raging, flu symptoms, shaky, anxious, low, spaced-out, self-destructive.  Mid July Return to alternate days 20mg/10mg - minimal improvement. Early August Return to full dose 20mg. Lost.
2014 February Switch to Venlafaxine. (First reduced Esc. to 10mg/day for a week) Feb-April Lost, 'light' self-harm, exhausted.
April Increase Ven. to 150mg/day. Dizzy. July 75mg twice a day to improve dizziness. Deep depression remains.  2015 Feb Vigilant dose spacing partially eases dizziness. Mar Switch to Effexor 75mg 2x/day. May Cut 10% to 135mg - bad w/d 2 mths, held 1 mth.  Aug 1.3% cut - bad 1mth, held 1mth. Oct 4 wkly 0.4% cuts held 6 weeks. Jan 2016 2 wkly 0.4% cuts. 8 month hold. Sept Wkly cuts: 0.5%, 3 1% cuts.  Oct 4 wkly 1% cuts, hold 3-4 weeks.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamins E & C, magnesium, iron, MSM, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.  My story of healing: ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor or counselor; please do your own research and be prepared to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.


#26 MRothbard

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Posted 19 September 2015 - 03:20 PM

The Gnostic Gospels might give some Christians with lapsing faith a refreshing perspective.  Check them out. The Christianity we know today was sort of engineered by the Romans to put the emphasis on an authoritarian church, and finding one's salvation therein. The Gnostic Gospels, as an account of what Jesus said, put the emphasis on one's personal relationship with Jesus and the divine.

 

I think when someone loses faith, maybe they've just outgrown their previous idea of what God is. 

 

But one of the constants we can depend on is the undeniable presence of love, and our instinct that life is sacred.


September 2014 to July 2015 - 20 mg Lexapro, 30mg Mirtazipine

 

August 2015 to present - 10mg Lexapro, 30 mg Mirtazipine


#27 KarenB

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Posted 19 September 2015 - 08:01 PM

So perhaps it could be a growth of faith rather than a loss. 

 

I think when someone loses faith, maybe they've just outgrown their previous idea of what God is. 

 

But one of the constants we can depend on is the undeniable presence of love, and our instinct that life is sacred.

 


2010 May Fluoxetine 20mg. Raging mostly stops, become more functional.
2011 February Escitalopram 10mg (sudden switch). 2012 January Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Early June Feeling great, decide to taper. Doc advises alternate days 20mg/10mg for 4 weeks.  Late June Steady. Drop to 10mg daily. Early July Not coping, raging, flu symptoms, shaky, anxious, low, spaced-out, self-destructive.  Mid July Return to alternate days 20mg/10mg - minimal improvement. Early August Return to full dose 20mg. Lost.
2014 February Switch to Venlafaxine. (First reduced Esc. to 10mg/day for a week) Feb-April Lost, 'light' self-harm, exhausted.
April Increase Ven. to 150mg/day. Dizzy. July 75mg twice a day to improve dizziness. Deep depression remains.  2015 Feb Vigilant dose spacing partially eases dizziness. Mar Switch to Effexor 75mg 2x/day. May Cut 10% to 135mg - bad w/d 2 mths, held 1 mth.  Aug 1.3% cut - bad 1mth, held 1mth. Oct 4 wkly 0.4% cuts held 6 weeks. Jan 2016 2 wkly 0.4% cuts. 8 month hold. Sept Wkly cuts: 0.5%, 3 1% cuts.  Oct 4 wkly 1% cuts, hold 3-4 weeks.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamins E & C, magnesium, iron, MSM, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.  My story of healing: ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor or counselor; please do your own research and be prepared to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.


#28 MRothbard

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Posted 21 September 2015 - 08:33 AM

 

So perhaps it could be a growth of faith rather than a loss. 

 

I think when someone loses faith, maybe they've just outgrown their previous idea of what God is. 

 

But one of the constants we can depend on is the undeniable presence of love, and our instinct that life is sacred.

 

 

yes, that's a good way to put it.


September 2014 to July 2015 - 20 mg Lexapro, 30mg Mirtazipine

 

August 2015 to present - 10mg Lexapro, 30 mg Mirtazipine


#29 freespirit

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Posted 21 September 2015 - 09:04 AM

For those of us whose spirituality is not centered around a God, this is also true. I've seen this process as a way to deepen a more authentic spiritual life...and to let go of beliefs or practices that were not serving me.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet. Currently having issues with certain foods, especially high histamine.

Current Medications: Synthroid 37.5 mg

Current Supplements:B complex, Vitamin C, D, K2, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion or epsom salts bath daily.

What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivinganti...it/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.”

~Jean Shinoda Bolen


 

 


#30 JanCarol

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Posted 01 July 2016 - 05:52 PM

The Gnostic Gospels might give some Christians with lapsing faith a refreshing perspective.  Check them out. The Christianity we know today was sort of engineered by the Romans to put the emphasis on an authoritarian church, and finding one's salvation therein. The Gnostic Gospels, as an account of what Jesus said, put the emphasis on one's personal relationship with Jesus and the divine.

 

I think when someone loses faith, maybe they've just outgrown their previous idea of what God is. 

 

But one of the constants we can depend on is the undeniable presence of love, and our instinct that life is sacred.

 

Yes, there are several of these; The Nag Hammadi Library, the Dead Sea Scrolls, Book of Enoch (I & II)  all give a different view of  the stories.  Reading these turned my beliefs on their head - the stuff that was pounded into me as a child - here was an alternate.

 

It was when the current canon was condensed into the Nicene Creed in 381 - it's that creed which I cannot buy, and which places humanity in sin and needs the intervention of Church and Priesthood that forges the initial corruption of the religion for me.  What is in the Nicene Creed - you can point to Bible verses which support it - but the Creed itself, upon which the Religion balances, is not in the Bible.

 

When I came to this, the scales fell from my eyes, and I could see other Truths were true, too.  And I could reconcile the various stories in the OT & NT that seemed to be in conflict.

 

Oh, and Paul?  Not a big fan of him, either.  He is just one author whose works were heavily relied upon to create the Current Canon.

 

I enjoyed The Jesus Seminar, a Study into The Historical Jesus, as well.  Because there have been many writers and editors of this book which many take to be a literal truth.  The Jesus Seminar helps to parse out some of these authors and their veracity.

 

Since then, I enjoy similar experience with the Hindu Canon, Buddhist texts, pre-Christian and Gnostic texts as well.  Because they all point to that light, that connection, that Gnosis, that God-Experience that we all seem to crave.  And, in fact, we have chemicals in our brain which are designed to motivate us in that way - why would there be a God Molecule, if there were no God?

 

My journey is arduous.  I expanded to the Other Bible (Apocrypha) in the 1980's, but then in the late 90's, my "faith" was restructured yet again by a narcissistic yoga man in the name of Advaita Vedanta which stripped me away of all hope of belief.  THEN I got drugged.

 

My sense of Gnosis is returning, but slowly, tentatively, because now I have greater discrimination than before.

 

The world is not black or white, we see all the colors of the rainbow.  I cannot believe that there is punishment waiting - isn't this life, and the mistakes we make in it - punishment enough?

 

My current favorite canon is Creation.  What can we learn from the way the animals relate to one another, the way nature is intertwined, interdependent?  What can we learn from the life cycle of an ant?  A tree?  A weather pattern?  This is my current canon, and one which I can observe and study for the rest of my life and not be disappointed in the workings of man.


"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.

 

Currently Lithium Orotate 1.67 mg only.  I will re-evaluate this supplement in 2017.

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!


#31 KarenB

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Posted 06 August 2016 - 12:54 AM

Let's remember that this thread is a space for people to talk about their loss of faith.  There are other threads where it would be more appropriate to share how faith may have helped.  Please respect this space for what it is. 


Edited by KarenB, 23 August 2016 - 02:51 PM.
moved some posts to 'Learning to rest in God' thread

2010 May Fluoxetine 20mg. Raging mostly stops, become more functional.
2011 February Escitalopram 10mg (sudden switch). 2012 January Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Early June Feeling great, decide to taper. Doc advises alternate days 20mg/10mg for 4 weeks.  Late June Steady. Drop to 10mg daily. Early July Not coping, raging, flu symptoms, shaky, anxious, low, spaced-out, self-destructive.  Mid July Return to alternate days 20mg/10mg - minimal improvement. Early August Return to full dose 20mg. Lost.
2014 February Switch to Venlafaxine. (First reduced Esc. to 10mg/day for a week) Feb-April Lost, 'light' self-harm, exhausted.
April Increase Ven. to 150mg/day. Dizzy. July 75mg twice a day to improve dizziness. Deep depression remains.  2015 Feb Vigilant dose spacing partially eases dizziness. Mar Switch to Effexor 75mg 2x/day. May Cut 10% to 135mg - bad w/d 2 mths, held 1 mth.  Aug 1.3% cut - bad 1mth, held 1mth. Oct 4 wkly 0.4% cuts held 6 weeks. Jan 2016 2 wkly 0.4% cuts. 8 month hold. Sept Wkly cuts: 0.5%, 3 1% cuts.  Oct 4 wkly 1% cuts, hold 3-4 weeks.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamins E & C, magnesium, iron, MSM, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.  My story of healing: ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor or counselor; please do your own research and be prepared to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.


#32 MNgal1960

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Posted 07 August 2016 - 10:53 AM

Thank you, Karen. I am out of prayers and out of hope. Being preached at by someone who doesn't know you, when you are in the depths of despair, is very unhelpful. Either there is no God or I am the useless servant who has been cast out now that I am too sick to serve in His church any more. His people have no use for me and will not walk with me through this pain. They are busy with friends and hobbies and going to sports and jobs and "ministries" (such as shaking someone's hand at the church door, saying welcome, and then walking away and leaving them in their pain and loneliness). I am alone. I have no job. My husband left me. My family moved away. My friends drifted away when I got sick. My pleas to the church for someone to walk with me through the darkness have fallen on deaf ears. If I ever do find my way back to God, it will be in spite of "God's people" not because of them.


2005-2006 Rapid taper off of Zoloft. Horrible but survived. Adverse drug reaction to Prozac. Stopped after only 4 days and had disabling symptoms for 6 months.

Severe sleep disorder.

2010-2013 Night panics began and ended sleep. All typical sleep aids failed.

2013-present: Valium (5mg x 3) prescribed by pro-benzo doctor. Helped me sleep for awhile. Then sleep began to get worse again.

Nov. 2014 Switched doctors. New doctor was anti-benzo but thought a 3-month taper was a slow taper. Failed and reinstated. Added 25mg Seroquel for sleep.

March-Sept. 2015 Made occasional very small dry cuts to the Seroquel. Down to 20mg. Did not notice much change in symptoms.

March 2016 Reduced gabapentin by 20% by accident and backed up again. (Was trying to feel less sedated.) Reduced again more slowly to 200+200+300.

June 2016 Starting a taper of the Seroquel again to see if I can get lower and still sleep. Feeling less sedated during the day, though still very low energy.

Sept 2016 Down to 16.5mg of Seroquel. Disabling neuropathy and sleep poor. Backed up to 17mg. Improved.

October 2016 Liquefied one V tablet. Neuropathy back immediately and continuing. Possibly from Q suspension I am still taking??? 

November 2016 All 3 tablets now dissolved. I think the windows are getting a little more frequent but they don't last long. Sleep poor.


#33 Nancy89

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Posted 15 November 2016 - 06:56 AM

Well, maybe Christianity is not the only way. Maybe just believe in reason. 



#34 MNgal1960

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Posted 15 November 2016 - 02:16 PM

For those of us who had a deep spirituality of some kind (whatever that was) before w/d, to lose it was very painful. This thread is about that experience, losing something precious you once had.

 

MNgal


2005-2006 Rapid taper off of Zoloft. Horrible but survived. Adverse drug reaction to Prozac. Stopped after only 4 days and had disabling symptoms for 6 months.

Severe sleep disorder.

2010-2013 Night panics began and ended sleep. All typical sleep aids failed.

2013-present: Valium (5mg x 3) prescribed by pro-benzo doctor. Helped me sleep for awhile. Then sleep began to get worse again.

Nov. 2014 Switched doctors. New doctor was anti-benzo but thought a 3-month taper was a slow taper. Failed and reinstated. Added 25mg Seroquel for sleep.

March-Sept. 2015 Made occasional very small dry cuts to the Seroquel. Down to 20mg. Did not notice much change in symptoms.

March 2016 Reduced gabapentin by 20% by accident and backed up again. (Was trying to feel less sedated.) Reduced again more slowly to 200+200+300.

June 2016 Starting a taper of the Seroquel again to see if I can get lower and still sleep. Feeling less sedated during the day, though still very low energy.

Sept 2016 Down to 16.5mg of Seroquel. Disabling neuropathy and sleep poor. Backed up to 17mg. Improved.

October 2016 Liquefied one V tablet. Neuropathy back immediately and continuing. Possibly from Q suspension I am still taking??? 

November 2016 All 3 tablets now dissolved. I think the windows are getting a little more frequent but they don't last long. Sleep poor.


#35 btdt

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Posted 18 November 2016 - 07:04 PM

Expect to lose faith expect it to come and go.... cause this is a challenge to faith.  

For me inspiration has come and gone... like windows and waves... faith however dim it was did not leave me completely it was so far down I could not find it but it was still there some place and when I am in the thick of things stuck in the weeds I can't seem to make myself try one more inch ... one more second... then I rest. Wait anguish and sooner or later it will come down to is it better to be tired and broken and anguished with a bit of faith... or without it. 

At my bleakest points I always reach back to prayer... that is just me. How it has been these past nine years I now try not to get too bleak cause it is too hard to get back from oddly enough just when I think I can handle what comes with all this wd crap something new will come up to challenge me... that is how it has been for nine years and that is how it is today still. 

Surely is a strange way to live... I will give you that. 
 
For me it comes back to choices... so far it always come back to it is better to do this with faith than without but I will admit there were many times I could not find it and thought it gone but it wasn't. 
 
wish you all peace

Edited by scallywag, 20 November 2016 - 01:51 PM.
extra line at paragraph breaks

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivinganti...ng-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)


#36 Lindux

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Posted 20 November 2016 - 10:44 AM

To what questions you can not find answers?