success ☼ freespirit: Mirtazapine withdrawal

[freespirit]

Leahy,

 

I'm sorry about your daughter. It is good news that you found out about histamine though--I think it's something that few doctors know anything about. And yes, unfortunately, I believe there is a lot of iartrogenic harm perpetuated. Most of that goes by without any of us knowing.

 

My situation was no doubt complicated by the fact that for the same 10 years I was on mirt, I was also on a PPI and Nasonex allergy medicine. I'm angry that no doc ever reviewed, questioned, or thought about the drugs they just kept on prescribing. I kept on taking them, because of course, trying to go off them produced a huge upsurge in symptoms. I'm not as angry at myself as I used to be..I guess that's progress.

 

Hibari,

 

Thanks for sharing that latest post. I used to signed up for the newsletter too, but found the same comments she mentioned here kind of offensive. She was shaming people about eating things they shouldn't be, or about not following exactly what she'd done. I'm glad she's come around a little bit.

 

I'm trying to look at this issue more from a spiritual perspective at the moment and see where that takes me. I just have a feeling that adding something else to try and stop what my body is doing isn't the right approach right now. I need to turn towards this and see what it has to teach me. What I keep coming back to are the ways in which I'm not living totally true to myself. Number 1 is that I'm living in a place which largely doesn't nourish me, and causes me a lot of stress and depletion. There's a lot of good ways I'm taking care of myself, but the very foundation isn't solid in the way it needs to be. My home is one of the most important things and I do not feel at home here. But, I'm here through this year, because of work...a job that I really like and is supportive. I need to follow that through. But I'm going to keep working at my long list of things that need to be done to make this house the best it can be for selling. Beyond that, I'm not sure.

 

Thanks to both of you for your thoughts on histamine...it's helped me to get clearer.

[SquirrellyGirl]

Hi Free, I was looking for Remeron success stories, and you seem to fit that category!  Have you thought about writing yours?

 

SG

[freespirit]

Hi SG,

 

Yes, I intend to write my story..at the moment, I am swamped between spring gardening, work, and doing my taxes!

[freespirit]

Thought I would stop in with an update. Decided I’m not quite ready to write a success story—maybe because of being a little superstitious. There’s a small worry that taking that step will result in the bottom dropping out.

 

Progress continues, though not in any linear way. And one thing will improve, while something else stays the same or gets a little worse. But overall, I can feel and see that things are changing for the better.

 

For a short period of time, my sleep deteriorated. I was waking around 3 sweating and feeling wide awake. No anxiety or heart palps though. I saw a new acupuncturist and by the 2^nd treatment, was back to sleeping my 7 hours without waking. That has mostly continued, except for some disruption by pain or because of the heat of the summer. I’ve even had a few nights of sleeping 9 hours straight. I still go through cycles of feeling more tired, where I’ll be napping some days in addition to the 7 hours.

 

I notice no cognitive impairment from Wd. Instead, I feel that my brain is functioning better than it has for years. Work has really helped with that, where I’ve had to learn a number of new things. It has also forced me to fine-tune memory more and that has come back online pretty well. I no longer find the interviews tiring and most times, can complete the data entry when I get home. Travel doesn’t seem to be a problem either, but I am doing less of it at the moment.

 

I joined a women’s group a couple of months ago, which was kind of a surprise. I am typically not a group person, but felt it was important to step out of my comfort zone. For most of my life, I have been very triggered in groups, to the point it made me miserable. Though a few things have happened that set me off, I have been able to work those through either internally or by bringing them up in the group. Have made a couple of new friends since last year and most of the insecurities that plagued me since my wife’s death and during WD have largely abated. Every once in awhile, I get some notion in my head about things, but that is usually short-lived.

 

A few months ago, I made the decision to go back to formal mindfulness practice. I meditate about 45 minutes a day, nearly every day. I felt a draw for more stillness than qi gong was giving me, though I am still doing that practice daily as well. About once a week, I turn off my electronics and spend half a day with practice and sometimes include chanting. That all helps keep me more balanced during the rest of the week. I have been considering meditation retreats, but still have my same concerns regarding support when trauma arises on retreat. And right now, unless I could take my own food to deal with those sensitivities, it wouldn’t be an option anyway.

 

About a month ago, I developed severe shoulder pain—the worst pain I have ever experienced. The doctor said it was a torn rotator cuff and the chiropractor thought I had dislocated it. I was able to get a script for a topical anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxant. Surprisingly, the doctor at the clinic had heard of histamine intolerance and came up with this. I had a couple of very small hits of pot for pain and took Tylenol 3 a few times. I had no adverse reactions to any of those things.I can have an occasional glass of wine without problem too. None of these are things I take lightly or frequently. But it is good to know that my nervous system is recovering enough not to react to them on a very once-in-awhile basis.

 

I ran out of tart cherry and had a hard time finding another source of them. In the meantime, I have noticed a greater increase in overall pain at times. So, it is clearly helping reduce inflammation and keep a lot of pain at bay. I have tried a number of other supplements and again, no problem with reaction to them. While I could not tolerate B vitamins singly, I am fine taking a B complex again. I tried bromelain for histamine issues and it has helped some. Not sure if I will continue with it though.

 

The main issue for me that remains is the food sensitivities. That’s mostly to higher histamine foods, but also to things like garlic, which are supposed to be fine. My reactions to things have changed over time though. First, I used to get terrible sneezing and sinus allergies, and then it was hives. Now, the foods are more likely to cause sweating or waking during the night. Maybe that’s progress, but it limits my life in a pretty big way. I am going away overnight a couple of times in Sept and hope I will manage okay regarding food.  

 

My emotions feel more like normal ones and rarely cross over into neuro-emotion. For the most part, I feel much more balanced on that count than I have been in decades. I believe that the practices I do help in healing more of a life-long sensitive nervous system. I am not so reactive, because a lot of things don’t feel like stresses to my nervous system. Noise is still a problem, as it has always been. That’s worse over the summer, because of having the windows open a lot, combined with increased heat. But even that doesn’t get as overwhelming as it once did. I am more able to bring my system back into balance, so the irritation only gets to a minimal level for the most part.

 

I hope that some of this will give hope to people who have tapered more rapidly. Though I am not without symptoms, it isn’t always clear if my symptoms are due to trauma, a previous brain injury, some life-long sensitivities, or to WD. Most likely some combination of those things. In spite of the way I tapered, healing is definitely happening. But I continue to believe that the commitment I have made to myself and the amount of time and energy I devote to self-care are the cornerstones of healing—and not just a matter of time passing. Acupuncture, massage, and chiropractic continue to be deeply supportive as well.

[Hibari]

The way you wrote this update is so comforting Free.  I appreciate the detail, self-awareness and encouragement for those of us still tapering. 

 

Thank you for taking the time to share what you have been through and where you are at right now. 

 

Hibari

[freespirit]

Thanks for your support Hibari. It's not where I'd hoped to be at 2 years off, but acceptance is what's called for at the moment.

[manymoretodays]

Yay.....frees back for a bit!  I have got to run now......not literally........well perhaps this evening I will.  Can't wait to read your update and progress.

 

Best,

 

mmt

[manymoretodays]

Yes, freespirit  it gave me a lot of hope.  Thank you.  Home selling is on hold here.  My dear son..........well..........I had a nice enough private talk with his Dad, my ex(longest marriage ever.......LOL........I jest here, I have to) today.  And yah, that was empowering.   Really it was more about our dear son........I was just hit with some concerns today and chanced the encounter.  It went well enough.  Oh, he did pay the alimony today as well, the reduced amount.........and well.........good for him.  Thank you was given as well as a very small compassion hug.

 

Seems I/we am/are doing lot's of empowering work lately, as well,......... as finally...........setting the stage for some real healthy non-ego self love and respect that I never quite realized was sooooo very lacking in myself.

 

Sheesh......I probably should cancel my therapy appointment this week..........nope, will go.........must go.

 

And I do have a tenative......well, pretty sure about that I will go.........trip(escape) planned.  Coming on up soon enough.  I do kind of like how time flies........goes faster anyway.........me thinks somewhere after the age of 45 years..........or it did/does for me.  No time to waste.  And then one in October(travel, Dr., and family visit) if I can take care of all the prep work that I feel I need to do on that.......possibly including a bye bye trip/appointment to my Shrink/psychiatrist..........a graceful exit I hope.  Maybe complete with a packet of copies that she may or may not read.  I think she might.........  In any case.......I am happy, healthy, and so very glad to be on this adventure.

 

Love,

 

mmt (weekend W/D and general peaceful warrior)

 

hey, do let me know what you find as far as meditative retreats within reason as far as cost and distance........I am doing better in that regard.......meditation........and I think that most of what has arisen for me as far as past trauma and such has arisen...........sure hope so..........one never knows, do they?  And no, I have not completely healed from trauma, nor am I totally psycho drug free yet either.........however, I have faith now that Life can only get better.......no going backwards for long.    Anyhow......if my Wilderness Withdrawal Experience/expedition ever gets off the ground I shall let you know as well.

[freespirit]

It's been awhile, so thought I would do another update. Wish I could say that I am totally healed and that's why I haven't been on here. Though healing is still happening, I don't feel I'm at the success story stage yet. 

 

This winter was more difficult than some. I had more fatigue than the previous one. Finally went to see the naturopath in December. With some bodywork and homeopathy for my adrenals, I slowly started to have more energy again. I managed to keep up with walking and riding the exercise bike, even if not as intensely as I'd like to be doing. My shoulder is still recovering, so some limitations in activities. 

 

I have a feeling that some of the physical stuff over the winter was due to thyroid. My TSH is normal, but that says nothing. I haven't gone for any further testing, because I don't know of anyone who will actually treat based on the other thyroid tests. My naturopath doesn't treat with drugs at all and isn't very interested in testing. Other naturopaths I know of here recommend large numbers of supplements, which I don't feel is an option. I've done a lot of reading on thyroid and autoimmune. The thyroid diet would narrow my food options even further. I'm doing some research on other acupuncturists in the area, to see if that might help things. 

 

I can't say enough about how much mindfulness practice has helped through this time. Feel so much more balanced emotionally and more resilient about dealing with difficult experiences Now meditating 45 minutes twice a day. Still doing my once a week afternoon or full day of practice. Twice, I've done a self-guided retreat at home for 5 days. These retreats have been very beneficial too--as much as going away and doing one I think. I quit the women's group and instead, have joined 2 Buddhist mindfulness communities. Those groups have really added a lot to meditation practice and have also helped relieve a lot of the isolation I've felt living here. 

 

Still very limited in terms of diet. The only thing that's changed about it is that I don't have such a strong reaction when I eat something I shouldn't. But it's very clear that foods high in histamine still set off a chain reaction. I almost never eat anything out, haven't had any alcohol since last summer. For the most part, eat a very clean diet and live a low-stress life. Feel I've become an expert at my own self-care. And I wish these things would translate into complete healing. I imagine they will at some point, but like most everyone on here, I'm about ready to move on to the next stage of my life--minus WD symptoms. I've learned a great deal through this process and will never go back to the person I once was--which is a very good thing. Now I'd like to be free to travel, to eat out sometimes, and to expand my horizons. 

 

I do feel more hopeful about the future than I did before. I've started looking at what comes next, when my job finishes this year. I'm looking into mindfulness teacher training, feeling the practices could be of benefit to others. Though I am nearing retirement age, I don't feel that's what I want or need yet. Maybe by the time I reach 65, I'll feel differently. But for now, I still feel I have something to contribute. Working this past year has been a big boost to confidence and am important factor in finding meaning in my life. 

[Hibari]

Hi Free,

 

I really appreciate this overview and your insights about your journey.

 

Your thoughts that you have changed and will not return to the former you.   I feel the same way and never would have thought this experience would change me for the better.

 

The fact that you have become an expert in self - care.   So true.   I will never give my power to any health professional ever again.  Open to suggestions but will have my voice.

 

I understand your desire to be fully healed and I know you will get there.

 

Love that your going to take your spiritual expertise and share it with others.  Sounds wonderful.

 

Thanks for updating.  It offers those of us still tapering hope that we will get there too. 

[freespirit]

Thanks for your words Hibari. You are coming along with your taper and will soon be free of Remeron. 

 

It's good to hear that you feel changed for the better as well. I'm not sure everyone I know would agree that the changes are an improvement, as I am not the complacent or easily-influenced person I once was. But like you, I won't let someone else have power over me anymore. I think we need to stand firm in what we know about ourselves. 

 

One thing I forgot to mention in my update is that my nervous systems is also feeling a lot more resilient. I don't feel tossed around by things in the ways I was in the past. And if something upsets me, it's easier to bring things back into balance. I am still careful, but I don't feel afraid to try supplements or treatments, because I have the confidence that meditation and qi gong can right things again. 

 

There are moments when I wonder whether I'll ever be able to eat normally again. But I just keep plugging away. Other things have healed, so whatever is underlying the histamine issue can change as well. 

 

You'll come through this too Hibari. 

[manymoretodays]

Hi freespirit,

 

So good to see your update.  I don't think recovery really has an endpoint either.......like I am there, somewhere.  I think I read somewhere that recovery is healing and at least I know, for me, I am a whole lot different and much more at peace with myself and where I am.  Even where I have been.  The rest.......I trust it will be okay.  So.....maybe I am recovered??

 

Yah, working for pay sounds good and great that it is not stressful for you but the opposite........stress reducing.  How great is that?

 

Me too on the thyroid ?'s.  My last labs.....July of 2016 weren't too far off the labcorp normal limits.......just a slight elevation of TSH.  T3 and T4 were normal limit but slightly off per "Amy Meyers" optimal levels........really just by a smidgen.  So.......I've got my fingers crossed that they are all improved next blood letting.  Hard to say what causes the fatigue........tough winter here too and my exercise is still a bit lacking.  So I'll go kind of slowly to start.......and try, try to stay consistent or build when fall/winter arrives next time.

 

I'm also staying put for a bit.........no home selling this year.........unless.........but maybe next year.  I lucked out with getting a fair amount of pension transferred to my IRA and can draw from that if need be.  I've learrned not to jump into too much too fast with every "window" but trust that I will earn again before.......or if ever fully retiring.  Feeling pretty secure........good enough........so much that I don't need materially and so much that I have..........I can't complain.

 

Cool on your at home retreats!  I guess I had a somewhat one of my own this winter in retrospect.  I am really needing a brief out of towner soon though.........and trust it is coming.  Probably just to visit my Mum........maybe a stop in Sedona........and maybe just a sweat lodge there and hopefully absorb some of the positive healing energy that they say exists there?

 

Anyway......doing well and glad you are too.

 

It was so good to see your post and update!

 

Love, peace, healing,

 

manymoretodays

[freespirit]

I appreciate you stopping by ManyMore. It sounds like you're doing reasonably well, all things considered. I know the winter can be difficult for many of us, both in energy and in mood. Perhaps it's good you're able to stay where you are for now. Everything in it's time. I hope you have an enjoyable trip away too. Sometimes, being away brings a different kind of perspective. Thanks for your good wishes--sending healing thoughts to you as well. When you're ready, I think maybe the work you want will find you. 

 

My retreats were very concentrated. About 14 hours/day of walking and sitting meditation,qi gong practice, as well as bringing mindfulness to cooking, eating, bathing, etc. No part left out. And no electronics, except for listening to a dharma talk every evening. It was a luxury being at home, taking a magnesium bath at the end of each day. Meditation retreats, at least the ones I've been on, only have showers. Having my cats to sit with me, in both the difficult moments and the lighter and easier ones was an incredible bonus. I'm considering doing another week at the end of this month. The retreats made a real difference around acceptance of things, as well as releasing some long-held emotions. Though I didn't have the physical rejuvenation I was hoping for, my mind got incredibly quiet. I became more clear on how to handle some situations in my life and each retreat brought an even deeper commitment to practice. 

[manymoretodays]

Yup......I think so too.......when ready, it will come.

 

I love the description of your home retreats as well as your commitment to practice.  An inspiration.  Great on the no electronics as well.......so good to get away from all the electrical and technological surges these days.  I swear sometimes I can hear the buzzing........not tinnitus, I am pretty sure, but just a low level hum.........not always good..... all the electrical/other energy on our bodies(at least mine)........this I know.

 

I start most days with a Epsom salt bath rather than end my days with them.  Works well for me and the days I go without, I do okay too, as long as I don't go too many days in a row without. 

 

It's a walk/run day today for sure........of the late afternoon/early evening variety.  And a last ski day on friday........I didn't get out there much this year but am lucky to be so close to a beautiful, uncrowded area.  I only go on weekdays and never holidays or weekends.  Nature at it's finest......and oh, the views.   Hopefully will get to the walk/run or hike, swim, and yoga days.......at least one of each per week.........not all day of course(except maybe the hikes) but as a way of life.  Gotta keep moving......that's for sure.

 

Well......here's to the physical rejuvenation then........within reason.....   I don't wanna be 20 or 30 or even 40 again.........no thanks!  May your shoulder and joints and all bones be strong and flexible!!!

 

Love, peace, healing and growth,

 

mmt

[AliG]

Free. You seem to be incredibly focused and patient : therefore - a good lesson to all in this journey. Well done - you !

[freespirit]

Manymore--hope you have a great day skiing. Sounds like a very good thing to do. And yes, being in nature is really so helpful.  I wish some healing for all of us. I don't expect to go back to what I had at 20, but know I can do better than I am...as I had more energy 2 years ago. 

 

Thanks for stopping by Ali. Mindfulness is helping to increase patience and a sense of focus. I was talking with a friend last weekend though about thinking I might need to try something else instead of chiropractic or massage. Feeling a bit frustrated with lack of progress physically. She said I sounded impatient. Of course, I tried to explain what 4 years of this has been like (since I began tapering) and it's impossible for someone else to get it. I think anyone would have moments of just wanting this to be in the rear-view mirror!

[freespirit]

Thought I would post an update. I passed the 3 year mark of being Mirtazapine-free a few weeks ago.

The WD symptoms have decreased to a point that I can no longer say that what I'm experiencing is due to the drug. I suspect that what remains is due more to the effects of childhood trauma, the serious MVA I had 9 years ago, and aging.

 

My nervous system is still somewhat sensitive, but that was the case long before I took AD. My life very purposely does not contain a lot of stress, so I don't know what would happen if I was exposed to high stress.

 

Most of the symptoms I had are gone:  tinnitus, vision problems, headaches, dizziness, nausea, crying spells, trouble concentrating, extreme anger, insomnia, cognitive difficulty, persistent low mood, poor coordination, poor memory.

 

I'm still careful about diet, but have been able to add some things back in like occasional dairy, tea, and a few other high histamine foods. Hives are very rare these days, as are eye or nasal allergy symptoms. There are still some things that cause digestive symptoms--like wheat. But I am doing much better overall with the histamine issue. It's the one remnant that I feel is primarily WD related.a

 

I still suffer sometimes from fatigue, muscle and joint pain, and chills. However, the fatigue and pain are things I've been dealing with for many years...long before I took drugs. I'm working with a naturopath on thyroid, which he suspects are part of the cause. I've seen some improvements in these symptoms in the past month. I plan to switch over to desiccated thyroid soon, so will be completely free of pharmaceuticals.

 

I recently started taking a very low dose of CBD oil. I'm taking 2 drops twice daily. So far, the results have been promising. There's been some reduction in pain, improved mood, and sleep. I was sleeping a solid 6 hours, but am now back to 7 1/2. My mood has been ok recently, but better with CBD. 

 

I went through 2 months of mood challenges following a difficult week-long meditation retreat. At the same time, there were some interpersonal issues at a group I was attending. I don't think the mood issues were WD related, or not majorly from that. I've come through the other side and feel stronger for it. It has not at all deterred me from further retreats. I'm planning to go away and do one at the end of the year. It will be my first extended travel since I started tapering over 4 years ago.

 

Overall, life is going quite well. I'm still enjoying my work, walking, bike riding, and spending time with friends. I continue to spend considerable time meditating and doing qi gong. I'm doing mindfulness practice, but have also been working a lot with loving kindness and forgiveness meditations. All part of wanting to be as free as I can be.

 

WD is a harsh teacher, but can be a powerful one too. I'm the person I am today, partly because of the drug and WD from it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, or care to repeat it. But I've learned so much about myself and what truly feeds me. I've learned about what matters and what doesn't. I've learned to be fierce about the things that matter. I'm learning to let the rest go. I spend more time being grateful and there are moments of feeling happy for no reason.  

 

I can't say this means I'll never suffer from WD again. Life is uncertain for all of us. But I have more confidence that I'll be able to deal with what arises. I think some of the peace I feel is also a matter of aging. I know the clock is ticking and time is running out. Why waste it in resentment and regret, when there's the possibility of happiness?

 

Sending healing thoughts to everyone suffering from the drugs.

[leahy]

Thank you for the beautiful update, Free. You truly are free. Best wishes to you. You are an inspiration.

 

Hugs,

Leahy

[Hopefull]

Congratulations,  wishing you all the best,  Hopefull.

[freespirit]

Thanks Leahy--I hope you're doing okay.

 

Appreciate you stopping by Hopeful. I see you're almost off the mirt. Best of luck with the last bit.

[direstraits]

hi,freespirit

happy to read you're doing so well....it's a long haul,isn't it but I guess we all eventually will get there.

I've been off 3 years also and think I'm slowly getting better.

 

I like what you said about the clock ticking and not having regret or resentment,how true...we must make the best of the time we have left.

wishing you well

love,ds   xxx

[Dan998]

Freespirit,

 

I'm so pleased that you have come back to let us all know how you are getting on. Maybe you'll be posting a success story soon?. 

 

You may not remember this, but when I was new to SA you gave me one of the most useful pieces of advice I have received. I was anxious and very frightened. Everyone was telling me to relax by doing nothing, but you had the courage to contradict them. You told me that some people can only relax by doing something and suggested that I occupy my time with as many activities as possible. I have heeded this advice every day during withdrawal. I am so glad that you have come back so that I could let you know that you were right and to thank you properly for your advice. 

 

It is encouraging that you mentioned that you no longer suffer from tinnitus. I have found very few people that have recovered from this and it is one of my few lingering symptoms. I would be interested to know; How long after getting off the drugs did it go away? Did it suddenly stop or was it more gradual?

 

Kindest regards,

 

Dan

[freespirit]

4 hours ago, direstraits said:

hi,freespirit

happy to read you're doing so well....it's a long haul,isn't it but I guess we all eventually will get there.

I've been off 3 years also and think I'm slowly getting better.

 

I like what you said about the clock ticking and not having regret or resentment,how true...we must make the best of the time we have left.

wishing you well

love,ds   xxx

Hi ds. It's good to hear you're seeing some improvements. It is a very long journey indeed, with many twists and turns. I read on your thread that the depression has lifted. I think that's important, even though other symptoms are still bothersome. We have to keep plodding along, as best we can. I hope you continue to see things changing for the better.

[freespirit]

Hi Dan, 

 

i definitely do do remember that conversation with you. I'm so glad that you trusted yourself and your particular needs. You already knew that what you were being told didn't quite fit for you. Each of us finds our own way I think.

 

The tinnitus went away in a waves and windows pattern. The periods got longer and longer between episodes of it. Then 1 day I realized it wasn't there. I had a bit of residual tinnitus after my car accident and brain injury. It would flare up occasionally when I was really stressed or exhausted. That same thing still happens very rarely, but is never like it was during much of WD. When it does happen, it no longer bothers me. I trust it's temporary and will leave again quite quickly. I consider what's left at these times is more a factor of the concussion than from WD. It took until this year before it more completely receded. I think im so grateful for feeling better than I did, including the intense grief process I went through.....well, a bit of tinnitus now and then seems like not a very big deal. I hope you soon experience some improvement with it. I know it can be a wearing symptom.

 

i will write a success story. I've been dreading the inevitable questions that will come with it. Where people will ask me if I'm able to live a "normal" life, complete with partying and such. Most people would not want the life I have, but it's fulfilling for me. I know most people would be disappointed to hear how much time and energy I spend on self-care. It's not all a factor of a sensitive nervous system anymore. I like being present and compassionate in what I do...the practices give me that. But for many folks, this wouldn't indicate any kind of success...or be anything they could relate to. I need a bit of time to prepare myself for those questions or 😊  a total lack of response. 

 

 Congratulations on becoming a mod Dan.

[Dan998]

Thanks for providing more information about the tinnitus. It makes sense that it would slowly recede rather than with a sudden change. Everything to do with withdrawal is just so interminably slow. 

 

Totally understandable about being cautious with the success story. There are so few of them out there and whenever a new one pops up it always gathers a lot of attention. You certainly will get bombarded with questions from the multitude of well meaning members.Many of whom will have just started tapering and are desperately seeking reassurance. Still, I look forward to reading it one day.

 

On 8/23/2017 at 2:12 AM, freespirit said:

Most people would not want the life I have, but it's fulfilling for me.

 

I suppose that is all any of us can ask for. A life worth living. Whatever shape that may take.

[manymoretodays]

On 8/22/2017 at 7:12 PM, freespirit said:

i will write a success story. I've been dreading the inevitable questions that will come with it. Where people will ask me if I'm able to live a "normal" life, complete with partying and such. Most people would not want the life I have, but it's fulfilling for me. I know most people would be disappointed to hear how much time and energy I spend on self-care. It's not all a factor of a sensitive nervous system anymore. I like being present and compassionate in what I do...the practices give me that. But for many folks, this wouldn't indicate any kind of success...or be anything they could relate to. I need a bit of time to prepare myself for those questions or 😊  a total lack of response. 

 

Hi freespirit!  Good to see your post and update.  I think you are a success story........yet I totally get what you are saying here.   No race to write it.........you will know.  Hugs and wellness sent. 

 

manymoretodays

[Hibari]

Free thank you for writing about where you are at this time.  I think your words will offer a lot of hope to others.

 

I also appreciate you sharing your thoughts about your continued focus on self-care.  I respect the kind attention you give yourself on many levels. 

 

I also agree with you that wd journey has been a life changer and not all of it for the worse. 

 

Hibari

[Survivor1]

Hi Freespirit,

 

Thanks for updating especially with the tinnitus.  I too have developed that misery and am finding it challenging and have not heard much about recovery from it. Your story gives me a lot of hope.

 

I am very glad that you are at a point where you have a livable life, perhaps more.  I wish you continued healing.

[freespirit]

On August 25, 2017 at 3:29 PM, Dan998 said:

Thanks for providing more information about the tinnitus. It makes sense that it would slowly recede rather than with a sudden change. Everything to do with withdrawal is just so interminably slow. 

 

Totally understandable about being cautious with the success story. There are so few of them out there and whenever a new one pops up it always gathers a lot of attention. You certainly will get bombarded with questions from the multitude of well meaning members.Many of whom will have just started tapering and are desperately seeking reassurance. Still, I look forward to reading it one day.

 

 

I suppose that is all any of us can ask for. A life worth living. Whatever shape that may take.

Thanks for your understanding Dan. I came back to post, to give people some hope. I won't forget how difficult WD can be. I'm also not going to pretend that my life is now a walk in the park. Without the drugs, I've been forced to face everything that they were covering up. Not an easy path, but a very fruitful one.

 

The grief of losing my spouse and the journey through WD pared my life down to its bare essentials. It shouldn't surprise me to be happy with leading a very simple life, but it has. I anticipated wanting to add so much back in, but I've been very careful about who and what I invite in. Things that used to be meaningful no longer are, and I rarely succumb to outside pressure to be more "normal". I like what you said about "whatever shape it takes". 

[freespirit]

On August 25, 2017 at 4:30 PM, manymoretodays said:

 

Hi freespirit!  Good to see your post and update.  I think you are a success story........yet I totally get what you are saying here.   No race to write it.........you will know.  Hugs and wellness sent. 

 

manymoretodays

Thanks for your good wishes many more. Hugs and healing back to you!

[freespirit]

On August 25, 2017 at 5:13 PM, Hibari said:

Free thank you for writing about where you are at this time.  I think your words will offer a lot of hope to others.

 

I also appreciate you sharing your thoughts about your continued focus on self-care.  I respect the kind attention you give yourself on many levels. 

 

I also agree with you that wd journey has been a life changer and not all of it for the worse. 

 

Hibari

Hi Hibari. What started out as partly a way to manage symptoms turned into something else..a deep compassion for myself and a spiritual fire that had been lacking in my practice for a long time. This is what some teachers would call "fierce compassion"--which is also something I've witnessed in you. It was something that took WD to bring about..I feel very grateful for that. So yes, not all of WD has been bad or for naught. Though it's taken time and distance to see that more clearly. The prayer I say often these days is, "may this suffering awaken compassion". Something seriously undervalued in our culture, but which I find brings meaning, relief, and a great lessening of suffering.

[freespirit]

On August 25, 2017 at 7:08 PM, Survivor1 said:

Hi Freespirit,

 

Thanks for updating especially with the tinnitus.  I too have developed that misery and am finding it challenging and have not heard much about recovery from it. Your story gives me a lot of hope.

 

I am very glad that you are at a point where you have a livable life, perhaps more.  I wish you continued healing.

Hi Survivor1. It's good to hear that what I said brought you hope. I read all the negative stories about people who didn't recover from brain injuries when I had the MVA. My recovery took longer than the specialist suggested, but it did happen. I think that helped me in WD, knowing I could recover from something quite serious.

 

i have more than a livable life. I have a life that brings me meaning, connections, and activities that I really enjoy. It's just that it wouldn't be the kind of life that most people would aspire to. But it's a life that suits me, for the most part. I think it's human nature to always want more than we have. There's loneliness sometimes, in being on my own as much as I am. But I am learning to accept that as part of the whole of my life.

 

We tend to believe that relief of symptoms will make life somehow perfect, but there's always something to deal with. Without symptoms, we still have to face into rebuilding or making an entirely new life. We still have relationships to cope with, work to do, bills to pay, dealing with an aging body, or long-term decisions to make. Life goes on and difficulties still arise. What we can learn through WD ca be a training ground for the rest of life..I'll step off my soapbox now. I wish you well on your path to recovery, whatever that means for you.

[kara100]

Hi freespirit,  I think you are very right on this. Life is not easy, people will always have challenges, when one task is finished, we start to get a new one. But we do learn a lot from our withdrawal to live a life that's not possible for others. We started seeing things from spiritual perspective after going through  withdrawal .  For an example,  I would get angry on something before like anybody else but now in withdrawal I still get angry but I know how to react. And thank you so much by the way for suggesting lower histamine diet on the other forum.I followed your advice and started sleeping better within a month. I still have withdrawal insomnia problem but I am much better than the last year.

[freespirit]

Hi Kara. Hey, it's good to see you over here. I'm glad the low histamine made some difference with the insomnia. Hope you're continuing to see improvements with other symptoms as well. It's nice to hear about your learnings through this process too. Having some meaning gives some context for the challenges.

[bubble]

Hello Freespirit,

 

I was so happy to read of your healing and very impressed with all the coping practice and self-care that you do. I became more diligent in my practice

 

I read on Kara's thread about your good experience with acupuncture. I haven't tried it yet because I'm afraid it would made things worse. And the problem is how to explain our 'problem' to an acupancturist so that they do the right thing and not try to 'increase my energy level' or something. ... If you have any tips I would be most grateful.

[kara100]

Hi freespirit,                                                     Thank you for a beautiful wish. My sleep has definitely improved with your suggestion and one thing I really  like about you is that after you found a success yourself with lower histamine diet, you went to withdrawal forums again and again to let other people know what worked for you . I think one needs a beautiful heart to do that.                 

          And I have no doubt that you have that. Also how are your cats? Are they still with you? My daughter asked me to either get her a dog or a cat and I believe that I will get her a cat because they don't bark like dogs and there will not be able to ruin my little bit sleep that I get most of the time.  I hope you take care of yourself just the way you was doing in the early withdrawal because we are always healing in even 5th, 6th or 7th year. Take care .