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☼ freespirit: Mirtazapine withdrawal


freespirit

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Lilu,

 

I'm glad you found something helpful in my posts. And well, believe me, I am not always "Zen". A few weeks ago, I slipped in and out of a rage for days on end..because my neighbor cut down trees on his property that provided privacy for me. I had myself convinced I had to move immediately and then freaked when I realized for a number of reasons, it wasn't going to happen right now.

 

I've literally spent most of my life searching for something that would help me. It was over 25 years of Buddhist practice, therapy (a complete and total bust for me), breathwork, hypnosis, art therapy, bodywork of all different types...etc. Some things provided help, but nothing seemed to help change my thinking. And everything seemed to help only on a very temporary basis. For me, qi gong has changed things that nothing else has. I love the practice and look forward to it every day. I feel both immediate and long term benefits.

 

That being said, it has not been a quick fix nor a total panacea for WD symptoms. I've still dealt with insomnia, pain, histamine intolerance, digestive issues, mood swings, etc. But the thing I know is that once or twice a day, my body/mind comes back into balance and that makes a difference. It means that my nervous system gets a break, gets reminded what it is to be calm, and it's something I can then come back to throughout the day. It's made me much more aware of my body, what feels good, what brings on stress, and it's shifted my perspective in ways that I never thought possible.

 

I always felt there was something wrong with me, because what worked for other people didn't work for me. In fact, things that seemed to help others were more like poison to me (like therapy). I had more or less given up hope and had even abandoned my longtime Buddhist practice, because I no longer felt it was doing anything to reduce my suffering. I went through multiple losses over a few years and had been brought to my knees in a way I never had before. It was from there that I was fortunate enough to have a friend introduce me to Lee's qi gong dvd's. I can no longer imagine life without it.

 

After my wife died, I made a commitment to myself that I wanted to be transformed by what we'd gone through...and I vowed to be kinder to myself. I had no idea where those intentions would lead me..but they have led me to where I find myself now.

 

I have to work very hard to maintain a semblance of positive thinking. It's not my natural inclination. But I feel committed to having a different kind of life than the one I did..and that has helped carry me through some of the challenges. In many ways, I think the Zen moments are grace...but grace comes I believe, from doing things that foster it as a possibility.

 

I can't tell you what you need to do...but perhaps begin with one small thing, whatever that might be. Deciding you'll take 5 minutes a day to do some deep breathing, or spend it in nature, or whatever calls to you. Something in you had enough interest to buy a couple of Lee's dvds. What if you decided to just spend a few minutes even watching one of them? For one of my friends, gardening is a spiritual practice and for another, cooking.

 

I can unequivocally say that trashing myself for my perceived failures did zero to change anything..and in fact, only embedded whatever I was trying to change only deeper. What if a friend was going through what you are? I suspect you'd be able to muster a bit more compassion for them. What would you say to your friend in your circumstances? What does that deeper part of of you long for?

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Hey FreeSpirit. Stopping by to check in on you. Sounds like some of the peripheral issues are improving. I'd gladly take my baby steps as opposed to being slammed with a wave, eh?

 

Sleep is something I'm still working on. Sometimes its good, other times...not so good. But I like your comment about not getting upset about it. When I become agitated about not being able to fall back asleep, it just makes it worse. Kudos to you!

Hi Dane,

 

Thanks for checking in.

 

Sleep is still a bit hit and miss for me too. It's slowly been improving again, but am still exhausted during the day. Of course it's easier for me not to get so agitated because I don't have to get up to go to work.

 

I'm finding ways to make use of whatever it is that's happening. Like, when I get a bit OCD as I was last week...well, weeding and spring cleaning are good ways to give that energy something to do! Managed to tweak my back a little moving furniture and from pulling weeds. Grand...gives me an opportunity to do a bit more meditation over the past couple of days. All grist for the mill...wonder what comes next???

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Hi Freespirit,

 

Welcome to this community.

 

Thank you for taking time to respond to my thread. I really appreciate it.

 

I have read through your thread. Firstly, I am truly sorry to hear of the loss of your wife. I can't begin to understand how incredibly painful the loss of a life partner is. Healing from a loss of such significance requires time and support. I hope that you find the support that you deserve here.

 

You demonstrate strength, courage and insight in your posts which can only facilitate your healing and continued growth.

 

We share many values and interests including the importance of self nurturing and connection to nature and self.

 

I look forward to following your progress with interest and wish you every success and happiness on your journey.

 

Tilly x

Thanks for your welcome and affirmation...I appreciate it.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Just wanted to stop by and thank you for visiting my thread.  I really appreciated your points of view on the diabetes and WD.  It helped me quite a bit.  You have insight into some things other members don't think of because they do not struggle with blood sugar, and I was happy to read your perspectives on the correlation between the two.  Thanks again.

2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale.
.6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th)
.4mg(April 27th)
.2 (June 27th)

0mg.  done taper at beginning of August.

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Glad it helped. Given that diabetes is more common for people on AD, are we the only ones on here dealing with blood sugar issues???

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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The last few nights, I've gone back to staying up later. I'm doing what goes against all logic. Logic tells us to turn off the lights, not do anything too stimulating, and for sure, no exercise close to bedtime. But for me, the problem since wd is not in falling asleep..it's more in the timing of my sleep cycle. I drop off quickly, but have had trouble staying asleep. And I start getting sleepy by 5 PM.

 

On one hand, I could follow that and let myself sleep a strange cycle. But when that was happening a few months ago, I started feeling more and more isolated. Most of my best time was being lived entirely alone and I found I wasn't able to do anything social as a result.

 

I don't know if this is "right" or not. I look on all of it as an experiment. I've been playing video games before bed, doing qi gong, and watching tv. I'm staying awake until 11 or later. And I'm sleeping soundly until the cats wake me around 5:30 or 6. I don't know if I am less fatigued, but I feel better in some way. So for the moment, this is how things are.

 

I've been thinking a lot about what healing means to me and reflecting back to the many ways I've chased after it through my life. Last night, I was reading through some blogs on http://beyondmeds.com/and came across one on grief. There's a book posted called Healing Through the Dark Emotions by Miriam Greenspan. She says, "we increase our suffering through our attempts to avoid it." That struck through me like a bolt of lightening. I can see how much suffering I've made for myself by fighting against it, trying to get rid of it, and wanting it to be other than what it is.

 

In terms of wd, I wonder how much of increases in my symptoms has to do solely with how I'm approaching things. I know for sure that imposing "should" is a direct path to making everything worse. I do know that when I'm more accepting of how things are, the symptoms are the same, but my experience of them is markedly different. I know that anytime I'm trying to get rid of anything I'm experiencing, it seems to only increase.

 

None of this is new to me; the whole path of Buddhism is about causes of suffering and the end of suffering. But despite 25 years of practice, there was some parts that I never fully got. I think even there, I was looking to avoid suffering. That same avoidance led me to remeron, then onto taking medication for one thing after another. Now, I'm attempting to live a life that isn't about turning away from the difficult. Not easy, especially in a world that labels suffering as wrong and does anything and everything to medicate, deny, and escape from it.

 

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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wow-I find this very enlightening-I always feel like if I'm suffering I'm failing somehow-so much of my life has caused much suffering-I didn't want to face it-and medicated it away-maybe if I ad learned to accept it  I wouldn't be in this mess today-I don't know-why does life have to be so f ing complicated :(

went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs.

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Beautiful post, Freespirit.

 

I believe that there are no absolute 'right' things to do. What is right for you now may change next month, or year, or even within the space of a day. If something works for you right now, that is great! If you are sleeping soundly, this is a great sign that you are doing the right things for you, that work for you. This is what matters,

 

I also avoid the word 'should' and use 'could' as this adds choice to whatever decision or suggestion I'm making. 'Should' is a social construct that tells us how others want us to behave without any consideration to individual uniqueness, need or ability.

 

I think that being guided by what feels right to us will not only facilitate our withdrawal but build our life skills and coping beyond it. I personally started medication to remain 'functional' to work and serve others when I never had the time or space to care for my own needs, or like you, address my own pain. That then became my norm for some time. I will never choose to be 'functional' on this level again.

 

It sounds like you are making great progress. Your insight and gut instinct will serve you well on your journey. It sounds like a lot of growth is happening. I wish you continued progress and growth.

 

Tilly x

1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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I always feel like if I'm suffering I'm failing somehow :(

 

This is exactly how I felt most of my life. And while I thought that my efforts at healing were to relieve suffering, I think now it had more to do with avoiding it. I don't want to spout religion and hope this doesn't offend anyone...but the first noble truth in Buddhism is that suffering is a part of life. We seem to have forgotten that.

 

Direstraits, we can't solve by looking backwards...though the insights can sometimes prove helpful. The question is more of how one can live right now, in this moment.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

Link to comment

 I personally started medication to remain 'functional' to work and serve others when I never had the time or space to care for my own needs, or like you, address my own pain. That then became my norm for some time. I will never choose to be 'functional' on this level again.

 

This was true for me too. Had I not been in relationship, I'm not sure I'd have made the decision to take meds. I'm not in any way blaming my wife for my choice, but I felt pressure to be a certain way that I wasn't capable of at the time. Had I been on my own, I most likely would have ridden things out, as I had in the past. But I placed my wife's needs above my own.

 

I've also spent a lifetime of working with people, which amounted to taking care of their needs over my own. I wouldn't chose to go back to that either. Part of the healing for me through wd has been giving up on the kind of work I've done. I realized that first and foremost, I must take care of myself...and though I explored and found better ways of the work not affecting me as much, it still ultimately wasn't good for me. I can let that go and be okay with it.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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yeah,staying in the moment-so difficult right now-how do we do that?

 

I'm not religious but find Buddhism interesting-why was my daughter put here unable to have any kind of life-just basically a vegetable for 31 yrs.-I really need an answer but there is none

went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs.

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 I personally started medication to remain 'functional' to work and serve others when I never had the time or space to care for my own needs, or like you, address my own pain. That then became my norm for some time. I will never choose to be 'functional' on this level again.

 

This was true for me too. Had I not been in relationship, I'm not sure I'd have made the decision to take meds. I'm not in any way blaming my wife for my choice, but I felt pressure to be a certain way that I wasn't capable of at the time. Had I been on my own, I most likely would have ridden things out, as I had in the past. But I placed my wife's needs above my own.

 

I've also spent a lifetime of working with people, which amounted to taking care of their needs over my own. I wouldn't chose to go back to that either. Part of the healing for me through wd has been giving up on the kind of work I've done. I realized that first and foremost, I must take care of myself...and though I explored and found better ways of the work not affecting me as much, it still ultimately wasn't good for me. I can let that go and be okay with it.

 

I understand the points that you raise about your experiences and empathise.

 

I worked within caring professions for the majority of my working life and also let go of this work as a career path. I would never go back and I am happy with this choice. I also had to let go of my family once I started prioritising my own needs and caring for myself. They could not accommodate the change or the fact that I would not tolerate their mistreatment of me any longer. This is still pretty raw as I did this less than a year ago. I am grieving, for a family and relationships that I never really had, but made the right choice in the interests of my own well being and sanity.

 

I have so much to be grateful for in the present and yet to experience. Every ending creates a new beginning full of possibilities.

1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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yeah,staying in the moment-so difficult right now-how do we do that?

 

I'm not religious but find Buddhism interesting-why was my daughter put here unable to have any kind of life-just basically a vegetable for 31 yrs.-I really need an answer but there is none

Very challenging to stay present amidst deep pain. Sometimes, the kindest thing is distraction instead of being in it. Or a weaving back and forth between the 2.

 

I'm so sorry about your daughter. This must be so hard for you. And yes, the questions which do not have answers. Why are some people given so much suffering in this life?

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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 I also had to let go of my family once I started prioritising my own needs and caring for myself. They could not accommodate the change or the fact that I would not tolerate their mistreatment of me any longer. This is still pretty raw as I did this less than a year ago. I am grieving, for a family and relationships that I never really had, but made the right choice in the interests of my own well being and sanity.

 

I have so much to be grateful for in the present and yet to experience. Every ending creates a new beginning full of possibilities.

 

Tilly,

 

The path of self-care is also one of losses and much grieving. I'm sorry about the realities of your family and at the same time, happy for you that you chose yourself first. I understand how raw and difficult that can be.

 

I said goodbye to my family 7 years ago, as my Mom was dying. Things got very heightened during her illness and I spent more time with them than I had since I left home at 19. In a horrible interaction with one of my brothers, I realized that I could no longer place myself in such toxicity. I left a few months before my Mom died and never saw her again. I've not spoken to or seen my brothers since the service. It was hard, but every day the distance brought me more peace. It was an important piece in my finally feeling I could become the person I was meant to be.

 

I hope for you too, that the pain of the loss eases and you find something good buried beneath it.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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 I also had to let go of my family once I started prioritising my own needs and caring for myself. They could not accommodate the change or the fact that I would not tolerate their mistreatment of me any longer. This is still pretty raw as I did this less than a year ago. I am grieving, for a family and relationships that I never really had, but made the right choice in the interests of my own well being and sanity.

 

I have so much to be grateful for in the present and yet to experience. Every ending creates a new beginning full of possibilities.

 

Tilly,

 

The path of self-care is also one of losses and much grieving. I'm sorry about the realities of your family and at the same time, happy for you that you chose yourself first. I understand how raw and difficult that can be.

 

I said goodbye to my family 7 years ago, as my Mom was dying. Things got very heightened during her illness and I spent more time with them than I had since I left home at 19. In a horrible interaction with one of my brothers, I realized that I could no longer place myself in such toxicity. I left a few months before my Mom died and never saw her again. I've not spoken to or seen my brothers since the service. It was hard, but every day the distance brought me more peace. It was an important piece in my finally feeling I could become the person I was meant to be.

 

I hope for you too, that the pain of the loss eases and you find something good buried beneath it.

 

I agree, freespirit. I believe that a lot of processes of change involve loss of some kind. But I also believe that these losses are necessary to make room for positive change.

 

I'm so sorry to hear of the painful nature of your situation. However, I am glad that you are no longer a part of a toxic situation. You don't deserve that. No one does.

 

My family situation has been toxic and abusive in many ways for as long as I can remember. I had to cut my ties with them. It was the only way that I could ever be authentic and true to myself. As time passes, I also find increasing peace, alongside the pain. My life is now my own and I am free of the ties that bound me, to be all that I want to be. For me, that is the only way that I want to live. 

 

Thank you for your kind words. I wish you ongoing healing.

 

Tilly x

1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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thank you so much for posting that qi gong link. i am flat on my back right now but just watching it cheered me up and i bookmarked it for later. i am so sorry for your loss. i have multiple anniversaries going on right now too. jumped off mirtazapine also 2013 but having very tough time slower taper Lamictal.

2002: "Situational depression" 2002-2010:Prozac.Birth Control.2011 Short trials: Paxil, Celexa, Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan- Gee, Doc never mentioned protracted AD wd syndrome. Imagine that. 2011-2015. Lamictal. Seroquel. Remiron. 2012: "Complex post traumatic stress disorder." Fast taper of Remiron jumped off June 2013. Slow tapers ever since of Seroquel & Lamictal.  crippling muscle spasms. crying fits. panic attacks. akathisia. nerve twitches. the jitters. the heebie jeebies. de-personal/realization. numbness. tingling. fatigue. lethargy. nightmares.insomnia. weird images. eye pain.vertigo. dizziness. brain zaps. and on and on and on. withdrawal? side effects? which drug? impossible to know. Stopped Seroquel October 2015.  Stopped Lamictal  March 2016. Had more severe muscle/joint spasms that paralyzed me for 3 days at a time, last episode was March 2017.Going back to work as of February 2018 after 14 years off full-time work due to the crippling effects of psych meds. Check out Robert Whittaker "Anatomy of an Epidemic" for  his breakdown of the rates of mental disability  since the introduction of Prozac into the human population. Best solutions for me: Social support via AA meetings. Acupuncture. Meditation. Dance. Nature. Yoga. Social support online with psych med survivor community. Nutrition. Exercise. More outdoor time. Go sit in the sunshine for 5 minutes. Touch a tree. Breathe deeply.

 

 

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thank you so much for posting that qi gong link. i am flat on my back right now but just watching it cheered me up and i bookmarked it for later. i am so sorry for your loss. i have multiple anniversaries going on right now too. jumped off mirtazapine also 2013 but having very tough time slower taper Lamictal.

2002: "Situational depression" 2002-2010:Prozac.Birth Control.2011 Short trials: Paxil, Celexa, Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan- Gee, Doc never mentioned protracted AD wd syndrome. Imagine that. 2011-2015. Lamictal. Seroquel. Remiron. 2012: "Complex post traumatic stress disorder." Fast taper of Remiron jumped off June 2013. Slow tapers ever since of Seroquel & Lamictal.  crippling muscle spasms. crying fits. panic attacks. akathisia. nerve twitches. the jitters. the heebie jeebies. de-personal/realization. numbness. tingling. fatigue. lethargy. nightmares.insomnia. weird images. eye pain.vertigo. dizziness. brain zaps. and on and on and on. withdrawal? side effects? which drug? impossible to know. Stopped Seroquel October 2015.  Stopped Lamictal  March 2016. Had more severe muscle/joint spasms that paralyzed me for 3 days at a time, last episode was March 2017.Going back to work as of February 2018 after 14 years off full-time work due to the crippling effects of psych meds. Check out Robert Whittaker "Anatomy of an Epidemic" for  his breakdown of the rates of mental disability  since the introduction of Prozac into the human population. Best solutions for me: Social support via AA meetings. Acupuncture. Meditation. Dance. Nature. Yoga. Social support online with psych med survivor community. Nutrition. Exercise. More outdoor time. Go sit in the sunshine for 5 minutes. Touch a tree. Breathe deeply.

 

 

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thank you so much for posting that qi gong link. i am flat on my back right now but just watching it cheered me up and i bookmarked it for later. i am so sorry for your loss. i have multiple anniversaries going on right now too. jumped off mirtazapine also 2013 but having very tough time slower taper Lamictal.

You're welcome. I'm glad it lifted you up. I hope it's something you find helpful, when you are able to give it a try.

 

I'm a qi gong addict. Even through nausea, vertigo, and pain, I've found ways to keep doing it..sometimes sitting down, avoiding certain moves..and when too sick to do it, I do the meditation practices to move energy. If I feel I can't do that, I massage my hands, feet, and ears..as all the acupressure points are there. When I had the flu, I listened to the dvd...as I was too dizzy to watch all that moving about.

 

I realize though, that everyone could respond to the practices differently. It's wise I think, to be careful with anything when in wd.

 

Anniversaries are so challenging..I find I breathe a sigh of relief when they have passed, though the effects can sometimes linger for a few weeks afterwards. I hope you find some easing too as time goes on.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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THANKS for the suggestions. in fact I have been having nausea vertigo dizziness all day, on some days I do yoga and even ballet class, on other days I just lie flat and have to work just to lift my head up and type in my laptop. my WD has brought on a full blown case of arthritis I never had before, so I have been looking for cures for that, I found a bunch of others by that guy on youtube too and will do those as soon as I can

OMG! I just looked at your signature... I was on some kind of thyroid medication once upon a time, I completely forgot about that it was so long ago...

2002: "Situational depression" 2002-2010:Prozac.Birth Control.2011 Short trials: Paxil, Celexa, Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan- Gee, Doc never mentioned protracted AD wd syndrome. Imagine that. 2011-2015. Lamictal. Seroquel. Remiron. 2012: "Complex post traumatic stress disorder." Fast taper of Remiron jumped off June 2013. Slow tapers ever since of Seroquel & Lamictal.  crippling muscle spasms. crying fits. panic attacks. akathisia. nerve twitches. the jitters. the heebie jeebies. de-personal/realization. numbness. tingling. fatigue. lethargy. nightmares.insomnia. weird images. eye pain.vertigo. dizziness. brain zaps. and on and on and on. withdrawal? side effects? which drug? impossible to know. Stopped Seroquel October 2015.  Stopped Lamictal  March 2016. Had more severe muscle/joint spasms that paralyzed me for 3 days at a time, last episode was March 2017.Going back to work as of February 2018 after 14 years off full-time work due to the crippling effects of psych meds. Check out Robert Whittaker "Anatomy of an Epidemic" for  his breakdown of the rates of mental disability  since the introduction of Prozac into the human population. Best solutions for me: Social support via AA meetings. Acupuncture. Meditation. Dance. Nature. Yoga. Social support online with psych med survivor community. Nutrition. Exercise. More outdoor time. Go sit in the sunshine for 5 minutes. Touch a tree. Breathe deeply.

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

HI Freespirit,

 

I had a look at your qi gong video.   It looks very good.   I had a go at doing some Tai Chi classes.   I struggled with poor memory and couldnt remember the forms from one week to another.   I found this both frustrating and confronting in terms of my memory issues.   I also felt that it wasn't quite right for me.   Yoga isnt quite right either.  Nor is a sitting meditation.   I wanted something that stretches the body and provides some prospects for a moving meditative engagement.   It's possible that qi gong would tick all the boxes.

 

I went to the website and notices that this guy has a lot of different dvd's.   Do you have some of these and how have you experienced them?

 

Interested in any feedback you could give

 

cheers

 

Dalsaan

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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THANKS for the suggestions. in fact I have been having nausea vertigo dizziness all day, on some days I do yoga and even ballet class, on other days I just lie flat and have to work just to lift my head up and type in my laptop. my WD has brought on a full blown case of arthritis I never had before, so I have been looking for cures for that, I found a bunch of others by that guy on youtube too and will do those as soon as I can

OMG! I just looked at your signature... I was on some kind of thyroid medication once upon a time, I completely forgot about that it was so long ago...

 

What a miserable process getting off these drugs. Sorry you're suffering like this. I had arthritis before starting remeron, but it got much worse while on it. The few months I was doing qi gong before I started tapering, pain was almost non-existent. Fibromyalgia went away and I had more energy than I'd had in many years. I expect once wd has passed, to return to feeling that good. For me, it's been a complete miracle.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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HI Freespirit,

 

I had a look at your qi gong video.   It looks very good.   I had a go at doing some Tai Chi classes.   I struggled with poor memory and couldnt remember the forms from one week to another.   I found this both frustrating and confronting in terms of my memory issues.   I also felt that it wasn't quite right for me.   Yoga isnt quite right either.  Nor is a sitting meditation.   I wanted something that stretches the body and provides some prospects for a moving meditative engagement.   It's possible that qi gong would tick all the boxes.

 

I went to the website and notices that this guy has a lot of different dvd's.   Do you have some of these and how have you experienced them?

 

Interested in any feedback you could give

 

cheers

 

Dalsaan

Dalsaan,

 

I also tried Tai Chi some years ago and just could not remember. I have found qi gong to be so much easier to learn. Plus, having the dvd means you can do it whenever you want and watch it whenever to learn new moves.

 

I have quite a few of Lee's dvds. I started off with 7 minutes of magic. The youtube video is the "easy" routine on that one. It includes 2 other 7 minute ones (AM and PM routines), plus 2- 15 minute extended versions. That dvd has some stretching, some flowing movements, plus a couple of yoga poses--child and cobra I think.

 

The beginner's flow was the next one I got and I worked with that for a few months. It is all flowing movements and I found them  easy to learn.

 

I bought this set on Amazon next: http://www.amazon.com/Qi-Gong-Health-Healing-Life-Force/dp/1591799163/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1429199693&sr=8-3&keywords=Lee+Holden

It's a very complete program, that provides background about qi gong, some sitting meditations on audio, plus 5 dvd programs. I have worked extensively with the healing sounds and self-healing on that set. The self-healing one includes acupressure points and self massage, along with flowing. The sounds and self-healing made a huge difference dealing with the physical and emotional issues of wd. The others on that set are all very good too.

 

Others I have are "flow continues", "deeper flow", "qi gong for more energy", "deeper sleep". As I said, I'm a qi gong addict. I'm also easily bored and like variety. But having different ones has allowed me to have options for working with the stronger energies. Sometimes, I want to be calmed by the slower flowing movements..sometimes, I need to do something to bring my energy up...sometimes I want more stretching.

 

You might also check your library to see if they have any of his dvd's. It would allow you to try them out first, without buying. Or, you could practice the one I posted and see how that goes for you. That's what I did at first and once I felt the benefits, decided to go ahead and buy one.

 

Most of them (except for the health and healing set) are filmed in beautiful locations and have quiet music in the background. It can be calming sometimes just to watch them, even if you aren't into doing it in that moment. Now that I know a lot of the routines well, I also will just do my own practice. I rely on the dvds a lot though, because then I don't have to think about what I'm going to do.

 

Hope this helps. Happy to answer any other questions though.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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thanks for your reply yesterday

 

my daughter's been gone 10 yrs. but ever present with me-I remember feeling relief that she was out of that "wretched " body and free to go who knows where

 

thanks again for your kind words

went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs.

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thank you for your encouragement. since I have always been a dancer and there was a time when I had learned to do 90% of what the girls half my age in ballet class were doing, and the ONLY thing I wanted out of life was to learn to do the other 10%, it is particularly disheartening to have my joints seizing up at the slightest movements. Looking back, I see that the first time I signed up for a weight training class and had to drop because my shoulder went into spasm immediately, was actually just a couple of weeks after my first (self-directed)(fast) taper off of Prozac. and i still got back on another AD before I made the connection. I also had severe muscle spasms that kept me in bed for 3 days just after a yoga teacher training, and I had been jockeying my dose around then as well, if anyone had ever told me that this would occur upon withdrawal, I would NEVER have gotten on ANY of these drugs. EVER. i try to tell myself it is temporary, but it is very hard to believe that in the middle of it, so I need all the reminders I can get from you folks.

blessings

2002: "Situational depression" 2002-2010:Prozac.Birth Control.2011 Short trials: Paxil, Celexa, Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan- Gee, Doc never mentioned protracted AD wd syndrome. Imagine that. 2011-2015. Lamictal. Seroquel. Remiron. 2012: "Complex post traumatic stress disorder." Fast taper of Remiron jumped off June 2013. Slow tapers ever since of Seroquel & Lamictal.  crippling muscle spasms. crying fits. panic attacks. akathisia. nerve twitches. the jitters. the heebie jeebies. de-personal/realization. numbness. tingling. fatigue. lethargy. nightmares.insomnia. weird images. eye pain.vertigo. dizziness. brain zaps. and on and on and on. withdrawal? side effects? which drug? impossible to know. Stopped Seroquel October 2015.  Stopped Lamictal  March 2016. Had more severe muscle/joint spasms that paralyzed me for 3 days at a time, last episode was March 2017.Going back to work as of February 2018 after 14 years off full-time work due to the crippling effects of psych meds. Check out Robert Whittaker "Anatomy of an Epidemic" for  his breakdown of the rates of mental disability  since the introduction of Prozac into the human population. Best solutions for me: Social support via AA meetings. Acupuncture. Meditation. Dance. Nature. Yoga. Social support online with psych med survivor community. Nutrition. Exercise. More outdoor time. Go sit in the sunshine for 5 minutes. Touch a tree. Breathe deeply.

 

 

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It's so tough losing the ability to do physical things, in addition to the pain. I hope that qi gong and/or something else can be of help to your Rubytuesday. I think it's criminal that we did not make informed decisions about these drugs. Had I known that Remeron increases your chances of getting diabetes by 84%, plus all the other nasty things, I would never have taken it.

 

I played competitive sports into my 40's and had been extremely active my whole life. Once I got on the drugs, gained weight, plus everything that goes along with that, I turned into someone I did not recognize. I'm finding it a very long, very slow process regaining some strength and stamina...starting to see hints of the person I was physically before meds.

 

The Chinese believe you get healthier as you get older. I find that a more useful model than assuming everything is going to hell in a hand basket.

 

I tell myself all the time that this or that is temporary..it helps somewhat.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 

HI Freespirit,

 

I had a look at your qi gong video.   It looks very good.   I had a go at doing some Tai Chi classes.   I struggled with poor memory and couldnt remember the forms from one week to another.   I found this both frustrating and confronting in terms of my memory issues.   I also felt that it wasn't quite right for me.   Yoga isnt quite right either.  Nor is a sitting meditation.   I wanted something that stretches the body and provides some prospects for a moving meditative engagement.   It's possible that qi gong would tick all the boxes.

 

I went to the website and notices that this guy has a lot of different dvd's.   Do you have some of these and how have you experienced them?

 

Interested in any feedback you could give

 

cheers

 

Dalsaan

Dalsaan,

 

I also tried Tai Chi some years ago and just could not remember. I have found qi gong to be so much easier to learn. Plus, having the dvd means you can do it whenever you want and watch it whenever to learn new moves.

 

I have quite a few of Lee's dvds. I started off with 7 minutes of magic. The youtube video is the "easy" routine on that one. It includes 2 other 7 minute ones (AM and PM routines), plus 2- 15 minute extended versions. That dvd has some stretching, some flowing movements, plus a couple of yoga poses--child and cobra I think.

 

The beginner's flow was the next one I got and I worked with that for a few months. It is all flowing movements and I found them  easy to learn.

 

I bought this set on Amazon next: http://www.amazon.com/Qi-Gong-Health-Healing-Life-Force/dp/1591799163/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1429199693&sr=8-3&keywords=Lee+Holden

It's a very complete program, that provides background about qi gong, some sitting meditations on audio, plus 5 dvd programs. I have worked extensively with the healing sounds and self-healing on that set. The self-healing one includes acupressure points and self massage, along with flowing. The sounds and self-healing made a huge difference dealing with the physical and emotional issues of wd. The others on that set are all very good too.

 

Others I have are "flow continues", "deeper flow", "qi gong for more energy", "deeper sleep". As I said, I'm a qi gong addict. I'm also easily bored and like variety. But having different ones has allowed me to have options for working with the stronger energies. Sometimes, I want to be calmed by the slower flowing movements..sometimes, I need to do something to bring my energy up...sometimes I want more stretching.

 

You might also check your library to see if they have any of his dvd's. It would allow you to try them out first, without buying. Or, you could practice the one I posted and see how that goes for you. That's what I did at first and once I felt the benefits, decided to go ahead and buy one.

 

Most of them (except for the health and healing set) are filmed in beautiful locations and have quiet music in the background. It can be calming sometimes just to watch them, even if you aren't into doing it in that moment. Now that I know a lot of the routines well, I also will just do my own practice. I rely on the dvds a lot though, because then I don't have to think about what I'm going to do.

 

Hope this helps. Happy to answer any other questions though.

 

 

Hi,

 

That does help.   I am, naturally very attracted to the deep sleep dvd.  I'm wondering whether you have specifically tried this one in an effort to improve your sleep and if so how did you go.  I guess I'm wondering whether any of the more calming stuff will help or whether this one does actually bring something extra to the table.

 

I'm going to have a go with the one you posted.

 

Appreciate your input 

 

Dalsaan

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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Hi Dalsaan,

 

I haven't found anything particular about the sleep one in terms of improving rest. I really like a lot of it, but it has quite a few shoulder movements..which was a problem for me at one stage of wd. I've used it a number of times during the day when I was anxious and it did help..but I think any of them would. The one I've used the most over this 2 year period is the beginner's flow. 

 

I'm always in favor of people going with what they are most drawn to, rather than thinking about it too much. The sleep one is really beautiful and has some flowing movements I love.

 

There are 2 schools of thought within qi gong. One is that doing any practice helps, and you let the body find it's own balance. The other school is working in a more specific way with practices designed for the condition you have. I think there is value to both..but I try to stay away from "fix it" mode with my practice.

 

Even if I don't do any qi gong in the evenings, I massage my hands, feet, and ears. Good for the acupressure points.

 

I think considering it was mirt I came off of and that I did so fairly quickly, I'm doing very well in terms of sleep. When I was tapering, I'd have a few days or maybe a week of interrupted sleep, then go back to sleeping through the night. The histamine diet proved helpful with reducing a lot of the sleep troubles...Over the past few months, more sleep issues have been grief related I think. I attribute regular qi gong to helping with sleep.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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I forgot that this bonus routine from the sleep DVD is also posted on youtube. I've found it super helpful for reducing back pain.

 

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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oh my god thank you so much for that video. perfect. lot of overlap with yoga there, but hey, whatever works!

2002: "Situational depression" 2002-2010:Prozac.Birth Control.2011 Short trials: Paxil, Celexa, Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Ativan- Gee, Doc never mentioned protracted AD wd syndrome. Imagine that. 2011-2015. Lamictal. Seroquel. Remiron. 2012: "Complex post traumatic stress disorder." Fast taper of Remiron jumped off June 2013. Slow tapers ever since of Seroquel & Lamictal.  crippling muscle spasms. crying fits. panic attacks. akathisia. nerve twitches. the jitters. the heebie jeebies. de-personal/realization. numbness. tingling. fatigue. lethargy. nightmares.insomnia. weird images. eye pain.vertigo. dizziness. brain zaps. and on and on and on. withdrawal? side effects? which drug? impossible to know. Stopped Seroquel October 2015.  Stopped Lamictal  March 2016. Had more severe muscle/joint spasms that paralyzed me for 3 days at a time, last episode was March 2017.Going back to work as of February 2018 after 14 years off full-time work due to the crippling effects of psych meds. Check out Robert Whittaker "Anatomy of an Epidemic" for  his breakdown of the rates of mental disability  since the introduction of Prozac into the human population. Best solutions for me: Social support via AA meetings. Acupuncture. Meditation. Dance. Nature. Yoga. Social support online with psych med survivor community. Nutrition. Exercise. More outdoor time. Go sit in the sunshine for 5 minutes. Touch a tree. Breathe deeply.

 

 

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HI Freespirit,

 

I had a look at your qi gong video.   It looks very good.   I had a go at doing some Tai Chi classes.   I struggled with poor memory and couldnt remember the forms from one week to another.   I found this both frustrating and confronting in terms of my memory issues.   I also felt that it wasn't quite right for me.   Yoga isnt quite right either.  Nor is a sitting meditation.   I wanted something that stretches the body and provides some prospects for a moving meditative engagement.   It's possible that qi gong would tick all the boxes.

 

I went to the website and notices that this guy has a lot of different dvd's.   Do you have some of these and how have you experienced them?

 

Interested in any feedback you could give

 

cheers

 

Dalsaan

Hi Dalsaan,

I discovered Lee Holden's Qi Gong on Public Television. It really is amazing, as it is easy to do, and forces one to breathe really deeply. I have 3 or his dvds that I got on Ebay. I don't recommend getting them from ebay, since the one that I like the most is deffective and "sticks" when played. But the one that they showed on PBS is the one I would recommend. It's called The Flow Continues. It's an all standing routine and actually has two whole routines on it about 25-35 min each.  I don't like the 7 minutes of Magic dvd at all. The am routine is really quite advanced with advanced and difficult yoga poses, stomach exercises, and pushups. It only goes into relaxing Qi Gong halfway thru the routine. Very strange. The only good routine on that dvd is the easy one, and that's available for free on youtube.

I find it that to fully get the relaxation and anti-anxiety affect of Qi Gong you have to do at least 15-20 min of it. I also have the dvd Qi Gong for healthy joints and bones, and I'm not crazy about that one either.  I actually wound up aggravating my shoulder with that routine.

I like Qi Gong for it's slow flowing movements and deep breathing. I'm considering getting Lee's "Moving Meditation" dvd. I personally prefer all standing routines, and you can see the details of each dvd on this link:

http://www.exercisetoheal.com/Which+DVD+Is+Right+For+You%3F.html

2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin, Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Anxiety still triggers Myoclonus.)

10/7/2022 - 20 mg Lexapro (brand only) Plus occasional Klonopin for anxiety and Ambien for insomnia.

 

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I like "the flow continues" very much too. One nice feature about it is that once you learn the routine, you can choose the music only option. That means it plays without him describing each of the moves, but just prompts you as he goes to the next one. The beginner's flow is similar in terms of it being all flowing movements and deep breathing.

 

The flowing movements are still my favorite, but I've found a lot of benefit from the other parts of the practice.

 

I did the sleep one last night. It also contains a couple of the healing sounds, which are good for clearing the mind and emotions. It's about 40 minutes long, which is sometimes too much for me. But you can always choose to only do part of it. I also did the lying down sleep one and woke without a sore back, for the first time in months.

 

When I was trying to use the sleep one when I was having more insomnia, it didn't make a big difference. But I think that was mostly because of the histamine issue for me. While qi gong works to bring the body into balance, if you're eating things that don't work for your body, it's not going to be able to do that. That's why I do multiple kinds of practice..each can bring different things at different times and attending to diet of all kinds (including what I watch or don't on tv, who I spend time with, what I think about, how much time I spend on the computer, etc.) is part of the whole.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Update

 

For the most part, my sleep has been good this week. I'm managing 6-7 hours a night, with only the cats waking me. I've generally been able to go back to sleep after that, some days waking at 8..which is unheard of for me since I started tapering.

 

Yesterday, I had a cup of black tea for the first time in over 6 months. Not sure if it was the caffeine or the histamine, but I didn't rest as well last night. I woke at midnight feeling wide awake, and slept sort of fitfully after that. I've been trying to challenge myself a bit more on the histamine foods, but tea obviously isn't a good choice at the moment. Still, I'm starting to question the idea of cutting out so many things from my diet....I've read a couple of blogs where people felt like doing such drastic cuts actually caused their body to make more histamine. No easy answers on any of these things, just trial and error..and being open to changing in response to everything in the body and psyche changing.

 

Have been digging out and replacing fence posts this week with my neighbor. Pretty hard work, which has of course resulted in a sore back. So far, the pain has mostly been confined there..and something I've been dealing with for years. I've been tired at the end of the day, but still managing my evening walk..which I seem to enjoy more than at any other time of day.

 

My mood has mostly been good--sleep helps a lot in that regard. There are fear-based thoughts, mostly around feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work that need to be done in and outside the house this year. But I haven't become paralyzed by them and mostly seem able to manage as they arise.

 

I seem to be having more trouble with word-finding these days when talking to people...but at the same time, I'm noticing more capacity for insights, for seeing patterns of my life. As though I'm finally again seeing the forest, not only the trees. And there are greater hints of compassion, humor, patience, and moments of being happy for no reason at all. It's been sunny and warm for the whole week and I know this often affects my mood.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks for the feedback Lilu. That's helpful

 

Freespirit, I agree that one thing won't fix my sleep. I tend to think it take 100 little things. Im glad you are noticing the glimpses of change. These are easily overlooked and we think that nothing's happening.

 

My weather has turned the other way, cold and wet. I'm feeling it

 

Dalsaan

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Ps I'm going to get my partner to look at the one that helped with your back. She has back issues and is a chef so it's a physically demanding job

 

D

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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Update

 

For the most part, my sleep has been good this week. I'm managing 6-7 hours a night, with only the cats waking me. I've generally been able to go back to sleep after that, some days waking at 8..which is unheard of for me since I started tapering.

 

Yesterday, I had a cup of black tea for the first time in over 6 months. Not sure if it was the caffeine or the histamine, but I didn't rest as well last night. I woke at midnight feeling wide awake, and slept sort of fitfully after that. I've been trying to challenge myself a bit more on the histamine foods, but tea obviously isn't a good choice at the moment. Still, I'm starting to question the idea of cutting out so many things from my diet....I've read a couple of blogs where people felt like doing such drastic cuts actually caused their body to make more histamine. No easy answers on any of these things, just trial and error..and being open to changing in response to everything in the body and psyche changing.

 

Have been digging out and replacing fence posts this week with my neighbor. Pretty hard work, which has of course resulted in a sore back. So far, the pain has mostly been confined there..and something I've been dealing with for years. I've been tired at the end of the day, but still managing my evening walk..which I seem to enjoy more than at any other time of day.

 

My mood has mostly been good--sleep helps a lot in that regard. There are fear-based thoughts, mostly around feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work that need to be done in and outside the house this year. But I haven't become paralyzed by them and mostly seem able to manage as they arise.

 

I seem to be having more trouble with word-finding these days when talking to people...but at the same time, I'm noticing more capacity for insights, for seeing patterns of my life. As though I'm finally again seeing the forest, not only the trees. And there are greater hints of compassion, humor, patience, and moments of being happy for no reason at all. It's been sunny and warm for the whole week and I know this often affects my mood.

Hi Freespirit,

 

This is a really positive update. I'm so pleased for you. Real progress is being made.

 

I too often have the problem of locating words in conversation, but have also noticed increased insight, compassion, humour and moments of genuine happiness.

 

I wish you continued progress and a peaceful week full of opportunities.

 

Tilly x

1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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Freespirit, I agree that one thing won't fix my sleep. I tend to think it take 100 little things. Im glad you are noticing the glimpses of change. These are easily overlooked and we think that nothing's happening.

 

My weather has turned the other way, cold and wet. I'm feeling it

 

Dalsaan

Dalsaan,

 

I apologize if that sounded like a lecture...not what I meant to do. What I wanted to say was that the sleep qi gong may be very helpful for rest, if not compounded by other things. Also, I think sometimes people lump all kinds of insomnia into one category..as though sleep issues are only about not being able to shut your mind off. We know better of course.

 

Sorry about the weather....seems to make an even bigger difference in withdrawal for me.

 

Ps I'm going to get my partner to look at the one that helped with your back. She has back issues and is a chef so it's a physically demanding job

 

D

 

I'm crossing my fingers for both of you finding some good relief with qi gong. Let me know how it's going.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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