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HalfPerson: 16 months off SSRIs (CT) with the twin 'joys' of PSSD and anhedonia


HalfPerson

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Hi everyone, first post on here so will try not to jabber too much.

 

I'm a 40 year old guy and have been on ADs twice in my life. I first took SSRIs when I was prescribed 20mg Fluoxetine for work-related depression around 15 years back. For about a year they seemed to work (in some way I relied on them after I got through the depressive phase) but gradually I felt more and more 'robotic', agitated and detached. And my sex drive went down the pan...lost all interest. In fact, lost all interest in everything. All felt grey. So, after two years on them, stupid me went cold turkey, expecting to return to normality fairly quickly. But it was not so. The disinterest got much worse. I stayed with the CT and it took a good 2yrs for 'me' to come back...though the libido never really did but in 2010 seemed to be showing signs of life again... 

 

...UNTIL I had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic and was put on 10mg Citalopram back in October 2011. I was told I'd need to stay on the meds as I'd been on them before. I wasn't depressed at the time but blindly went along with the doc as the allergic reaction had shaken me up pretty bad. Initially, I felt mildly euphoric and life felt easy, I felt coolly un-anxious. But I couldn't ejaculate during sex, no matter what. And it got worse, to the point where I felt totally sexless, my desire just vanished in the worst way possible. And I started having crazy moodswings. So the doc switched me to Fluoxetine 20mg, after about a year on the Cit. No change. Dead libido, moodswings got even worse, pacing and inexplicable bursts of anger...so guess what?

 

Cold turkeyed them again.

 

Late 2013, about 4 weeks of big WDs, constant brain zaps and 'delayed vision', followed by huge bouts of anhedonia/apathy that still persist. And THE worst PSSD. No arousal, thrill, just this deadness in the pleasure centres of the brain. I can still love and see attractiveness but that 'engine' is...gone? It's horrendous, feel like half a man, like I'm out in the cold looking in all the time.

 

Had tests, all showed fine but in a really good relationship right now that I fear is gonna suffer down the line. It'd kill me because we're so close and loving but I'm...inconsequential. 8 months and we just don't do it. Don't wanna lose her, we're truly soulmates. Want that connection back. That 'spark' in the brain...not there. For anyone or anything. Hurts so bad. I...just feel unsexual and I can't get my head around it.  Nightmare.

 

Am I totally messed up now, any hope, anything I can do? Tried ED drugs, various herbs, "He's dead, Jim". What a pickle.

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Hey there

Sounds like that totally sucks- i get it. I am weaning off 15 mg and am so tired and am hoping to get the sex drive back too. I have continued to have sex but hardly ejaculate too. Ill keep you posted and let you know if it gets better...have you found any medical advice?  How long have you been off it 12 months?

Amanda  :D

 

Pondering next med if any....

 

Celexa 15 mg Nov 2014-March 2015...weaned off 1 mg at a time (was too hard otherwise) and finished June 2015

Took effexor 2004 for 1 year -weaned off after 12 mos

wellbutrin 3 months 2012

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi  HP , welcome to the site.   Thankyou for sharing your story.

 

There are many members who have had similar issues.  

You might try looking in the Symptoms and Self Care section on topics related to PSSD.

 

Good to have you on board ,  Fresh

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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Thanks for the replies, Fresh and abassin. :)

 

Hey there

Sounds like that totally sucks- i get it. I am weaning off 15 mg and am so tired and am hoping to get the sex drive back too. I have continued to have sex but hardly ejaculate too. Ill keep you posted and let you know if it gets better...have you found any medical advice?  How long have you been off it 12 months?

 

I've been off them since December 2013. My sex drive is nonexistent but I can ejaculate easier now although the orgasm feels 'subdued' and there's a distinct lack of sensations down there. I don't wanna go the whole 'too much information' route but it just doesn't rise anymore when I need it to, hasn't since 2011 when I went on Citalopram. Just either have no sex or oral but I feel disappointing. Used to get really aroused but the polar opposite now. A 'blank' is there.

 

Also just feel a disinterest in everything, an apathy, but synthetic-feeling. Feel like my monicker, a half-person in limbo all the time. No joy or thrill, no real care for anything. No drive, yet everything in my life is going OK. Healthy, beautiful, loving girlfriend, job, no debts. Just nothing seems to appeal to me at all. No 'fun energy' anymore, if that makes sense.

 

Feel like I used to be full-sugar Coke before the meds, now I'm like Diet...but want that sugar back.

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Wow, you describe me too but the sex drive comes and goes for me but never like it used to be.

Paxil start September 2003 due to Fluoroquinolone adverse reaction that I wish doc. knew what it was. 10mg. most of the time with a few short runs of 20mg. FAST tapered 3 times and finally hit poop out or a reaction to nsaid's in Nov.2013. Started a 10% taper Jan. 2014 and have been ok until Sept 14 and went through a short hell. Now plodding through and looking for the light with unrelenting insomnia and pain, fog, loss of interests....<p>12/20/14 - .8mg.

1/01/15 - .75 mg.

1/15/15 - .42 mg. better sleep now, hope it continues...

2/11-15 - .25 mg. doing really good!! 2 weeks feel 85% of old me!

3/17/15 .14 mg. Knee pain bad!

4/07/15 .05 mg. this is so small now that I am estimating and just licking it off palm small as a "." 

4/13/15 NOTHING !!!! Took my last little micro dose on 4/12/15. 

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I was on FQs too, which is what re-led to the SSRIs! Horrible things, fluoroquinolones, never again!!!

 

Do you keep gradually improving in that regard or are you stuck in a groove with it?

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Hello Halfperson,

 

I went through protracted Prozac withdrawal and had the anhedonia, fatigue and brain fog. It lasted for a couple years, but cleared up eventually.

 

Like you, I probably delayed my recovery by trying other versions of these poisons during withdrawal.

 

If you are interested I tell the Prozac story on Feb. 7 here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8148-clearday-off-prozac-12-yrs-off-lexapro-1-yr/

Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned.....

 

Prozac:   20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs

Zoloft:    2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg

Effexor:  2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. 

Lexapro:  10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to:

Lexapro:    5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:
Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016

Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now.

 

24 months SSRI-free  

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Sorry for what you're going through, HP. Also sorry you have had the misfortune to be affected by FQ antibiotics. My daughter was given Cipro 5 years ago, at the age of 16, and has not been the same since. Got better after 2 1/2 years, and then worse again. After being on the FQ Facebook pages for almost 5 years, I can tell you the symptoms of that and WD are very similar. I would have never guessed until I found myself in my own WD nightmare 8 months ago! Best wishes in your recovery!!

Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day).

Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired)

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Thanks clearday. I read through your thread with great interest and it reminded me of lots of stuff that I've encountered, both on and WDing from the drug, the sweats in particular, I'm not quite as bad now (I'd wake up at least twice a night drenched in cold, gel-like sweat) but I still sweat real weird. That and craving addictive substances. Booze, weed, anything psychoactive. Urges to self-harm, too, which thankfully don't occur off SSRIs.

 

The brain fog is still there, just robs me of clarity and focus and is terribly annoying. But the anhedonia and sexlessness are the biggest kickers. I just hope (PRAY, even, and I aren't religious!) that it doesn't stay like this. I know it's only 16 months so far but it's crippling my soul and making the future seem very bleak indeed and I always feel I'm readying myself for a fall.

 

But in the end I can only stay off the SSRIs, try and live healthily, and glean encouragement from great posters such as yourself.

 

Just don't wanna lose another big love in my life because this wrecked me before, the first time I was on them. Heartbreaking but much older now and wanna keep this one cos she's pure gold.

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Sorry for what you're going through, HP. Also sorry you have had the misfortune to be affected by FQ antibiotics. My daughter was given Cipro 5 years ago, at the age of 16, and has not been the same since. Got better after 2 1/2 years, and then worse again. After being on the FQ Facebook pages for almost 5 years, I can tell you the symptoms of that and WD are very similar. I would have never guessed until I found myself in my own WD nightmare 8 months ago! Best wishes in your recovery!!

Thanks luv2knit, I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's experience, Cipro nearly killed me after 5.5 days on it and it was easily the most horrific time of my life, pure chemical death and the darkest, evillest nightmare in pill form. I still have flashbacks to that time and it is unbelievable they are still being doled out to people at all, let alone one so young...shocking!!!

 

I hope she continues to recover, it is nearly four years for me and I'd say most of the instant tremors/akathisia it inflicted seem to be gone, along with the constant terror and intense urge to die at all times, the hallucinations and inability to balance or swallow. And the ever-worsening intracranial pressure. I was lucky not to have the tendon problems but I know with quinolones it's not always that simple. You both have my deepest sympathy, that stuff is hell.

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A friend of mine's daughter had a hand surgery and came out of it with a diagnosis of bipolar. Now I wonder if it was due to antibiotics. Could have been post-op opiate painkillers, too.

2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:

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Sorry for what you're going through, HP. Also sorry you have had the misfortune to be affected by FQ antibiotics. My daughter was given Cipro 5 years ago, at the age of 16, and has not been the same since. Got better after 2 1/2 years, and then worse again. After being on the FQ Facebook pages for almost 5 years, I can tell you the symptoms of that and WD are very similar. I would have never guessed until I found myself in my own WD nightmare 8 months ago! Best wishes in your recovery!!

Thanks luv2knit, I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's experience, Cipro nearly killed me after 5.5 days on it and it was easily the most horrific time of my life, pure chemical death and the darkest, evillest nightmare in pill form. I still have flashbacks to that time and it is unbelievable they are still being doled out to people at all, let alone one so young...shocking!!!

 

I hope she continues to recover, it is nearly four years for me and I'd say most of the instant tremors/akathisia it inflicted seem to be gone, along with the constant terror and intense urge to die at all times, the hallucinations and inability to balance or swallow. And the ever-worsening intracranial pressure. I was lucky not to have the tendon problems but I know with quinolones it's not always that simple. You both have my deepest sympathy, that stuff is hell.

Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day).

Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired)

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Thanks, HP. Yes, actually my daughter was given Cipro twice within a 3-month time period. The first time was enough to kill a grown man twice her size. Her reaction occurred suddenly after the first pill of the second round. She didn't have the tendon problems either until her relapse a year ago. The gift that keeps on giving :(

Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day).

Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired)

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Yep its what got me on this crap too half person. Quinolones may just be worse than ssri because nobody expects psychological symptoms from a antibiotic.

Paxil start September 2003 due to Fluoroquinolone adverse reaction that I wish doc. knew what it was. 10mg. most of the time with a few short runs of 20mg. FAST tapered 3 times and finally hit poop out or a reaction to nsaid's in Nov.2013. Started a 10% taper Jan. 2014 and have been ok until Sept 14 and went through a short hell. Now plodding through and looking for the light with unrelenting insomnia and pain, fog, loss of interests....<p>12/20/14 - .8mg.

1/01/15 - .75 mg.

1/15/15 - .42 mg. better sleep now, hope it continues...

2/11-15 - .25 mg. doing really good!! 2 weeks feel 85% of old me!

3/17/15 .14 mg. Knee pain bad!

4/07/15 .05 mg. this is so small now that I am estimating and just licking it off palm small as a "." 

4/13/15 NOTHING !!!! Took my last little micro dose on 4/12/15. 

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  • Administrator

Welcome, HalfPerson.

 

That screen name is a little harsh, don't you think? You are going through withdrawal syndrome with post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD). These conditions tend to gradually disappear; in fact, it sounds like you've seen a little improvement with the PSSD.

 

Please read What is withdrawal syndrome? and Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD)

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I didn't either.It wrecked me within 24hrs. I just had a constant burning pain in my widgy that was driving me nuts, doc diagnosed it as 'prostatitis' and put me on them but everything in there just got worse in every regard and the toxic psychosis nearly did me in.

 

There is a kinda funny side. I'd been sitting on a hard wooden chair at my PC. I stopped using the chair and all those widgy problems ended within a week. The Cipro nightmare had been completely unnecessary. D'oh.

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Welcome, HalfPerson.

 

That screen name is a little harsh, don't you think? You are going through withdrawal syndrome with post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD). These conditions tend to gradually disappear; in fact, it sounds like you've seen a little improvement with the PSSD.

 

Please read What is withdrawal syndrome? and Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD)

Maybe a little harsh but was not intended to be. Was gonna be 'HalfMan' initially. I downplay things a bit but the PSSD is killing me inside and has been for a long time. I really find life hell without having any sense of sexual persona...life is a grind, it just makes me wanna be alone but a life like that is no life for me. It's not just about sex...it's that complete connection. I feel sterile and lacking. I feel not a full man. I want me and my wife-to-be whole as a partnership. It's tough to describe but that one natural form of excitement feels gone...and to be without it just kills me inside daily. it just vanished and that 'blank' just remains. Hate it. So so much.

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  • Administrator

Yes, many people have joined us with similar feelings.

 

It might help if you thought of this as a temporary phase that will very slowly get better. Please read the discussions about PSSD on this site.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Yes, many people have joined us with similar feelings.

 

It might help if you thought of this as a temporary phase that will very slowly get better. Please read the discussions about PSSD on this site.

I will do Altostrata, and thanks for the kind words.:)

 

I've actually been lurking here months and reading the accounts. I know this is a long-haul situation as my first bout of PSSD lasted about six years and ultimately broke down a very loving longterm relationship. I'm so scared. I don't know if this second CT has wrecked my brain for good. I guess I'm after reassurance. I know it's not so easy and I often despair. I apologise.

 

16 months now and hoping the only way is up.;)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi HP ,   it's a good sign if you had this in the past and recovered.    Funny about the chair   :blink: .   

 

Your brain is continuously healing itself and it takes time.  You're getting there.

 

Fresh

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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Yes, many people have joined us with similar feelings.

 

It might help if you thought of this as a temporary phase that will very slowly get better. Please read the discussions about PSSD on this site.

I will do Altostrata, and thanks for the kind words. :)

 

I've actually been lurking here months and reading the accounts. I know this is a long-haul situation as my first bout of PSSD lasted about six years and ultimately broke down a very loving longterm relationship. I'm so scared. I don't know if this second CT has wrecked my brain for good. I guess I'm after reassurance. I know it's not so easy and I often despair. I apologise.

 

16 months now and hoping the only way is up. ;)

 

 

Hey Half,

 

I'm here with you struggling too. My journey/path that lead me to here may be different than yours but the result is probably similar. I've been off my pills for 28 months now.

I pray and hope everyday that I recover from PSSD. Every morning I wake up, it's the first thing that's on my mind. I always check to see if I get the morning wood and if I do get one I check how strong it is. This is the last thing I think about at night. I am currently not in any relationship and haven't been for a long time because of this, or because of my fears from this. 

 

I have issues with getting a strong enough erection for sex, premature ejaculation, no sex drive, lack of orgasm and this might sound weird but my genitals feel cold, especially the tip. I've also had issues with PGAD, which I guess the best way to describe it as I read here somewhere, it's like having blueballs non stop all day long.

 

Some days I am more hopeful than others. But this has been going on for over two years now. I have had a few days here and there where things have actually improved temporarily. Which gives me a little bit of hope. I'm 32 years old. I feel like this is just a really long nightmare that I'm waiting to wake up from soon.

 

Good luck and HANG in there.

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Halfman, what you describe is me to a T. I too was on Celexa

Like you, my PSSD/annhedonia struck late 2013-January 2014.  It's weird, we can still appreciate beauty but the spark is there.

Mid 2006-Early 2013  Celexa 40 MG, Xanax .50, Trazadone 50 MG - No problems with side effects

Very fast-few weeks taper in Early 2013 off all medication.

Crashed summer 2013 Went back on all meds same dosage (different brand of Celexa) Sept 2013. 

 

Sexual Side Effects (which I never had before) begun December 2013.  Off Celexa February 2014.  Xanax remained while Trazadone done in August 2014.

Continue to experience complete PSSD to this day with sadly no signs of improvement yet.

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@Fresh, thanks for the motivating words...and the chair thing could've saved me from a world of hurt had I realised! Gotta laugh...!

 

 

@Johnson, I hear ya. ;) I feel weird going on about sex because it might sound shallow but when it's gone...your entire world changes. That fun is gone...excitement gone...it makes being alive constantly feel ironic...because being truly alive feels impossible and relationships feel so scary to have. I was scared. I hid myself away...yet my soul needed to be with someone. I couldn't have what I truly wanted, a natural relationship, or so it felt. I tried online dating for a very brief period as a way to test myself. I failed with two women. Wanted to die. Set myself back, 18 more months in solitary, wishing life away. And then I met her, pure coincidence, at a party. And we clicked. BIG clicked. But after maybe a month of tentative 'getting to know each other' I got scared and I rejected her because I didn't wanna fail her. I ran. And she chased and chased. And thank god she did. I would've still been alone...and it just would not have been right to keep myself in that solitary state...hiding is worse than failing.

 

And I get that cold genitals thing too. I'm toasty now but the penis feels clammy and mildly refrigerated.;)

 

@BlueLeader, Celexa surprised me. I thought it to be more 'innocent' than other SSRIs but it was THE worst in terms of sexual dysfunction and irritability for me. And I cried on it so bad, so many tears! Crazy stuff. I shall follow your progress, let us know how it's going.;)

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Sooooooo....totally flat mood been getting the better of me. Been feeling boring and joyless and any little dip in my life seems to set off unnaturally long-lasting downers, half-empty thoughts and that spooky feeling of 'empty life'.

 

Bought some St John's Wort at the weekend, just wanted to see if anything helped. Tried it yesterday, felt fatigued and slightly odd, today feel less despair and...that nagging feeling of pointlessness lessened today. Mood is...OK...maybe slightly more than...vivider...

 

Could I be messing with the PSSD with this? Don't wanna cause any more problems with that so will stop if need be. Never tried this stuff before but heard it recommended for anhedonia. Been pretty out of it with that.

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  • Administrator

If your "anhedonia" is caused by withdrawal symptom, usually it's best to avoid throwing more chemicals into the mix.

 

See Anhedonia, apathy, demotivation

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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my understanding is that St Johns Wort is alot like a SSRI.  might not want to use it

 

i sympathise 1/2person.  i also suffer anhedonia and struggle with pssd.  miserable thing to go through.  no idea what the prognosis is going to be

March 5, 6  2015 1 10mg Paxil each day - only 2 pills total - experienced huge tingle in my head on first pill

 

numbness in my hands and feet, skin less sensitive over all... not ticklish anymore

**anhedonia, blank emotions

PSSD, anorgasmia

heartbeat rhythm problems

"To err is human.  To really foul things up requires a psychiatrist."

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8554-akakoom-lost-in-no-mans-land/

 

"When you are going through hell, keep going" - Winston Churchill (the only way out is through)

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Myself and others speak from experience when we say throwing other chemicals into our body is really not a good idea.  This is because our systems have become so darn sensitive/out of wack from withdrawal and changes made to the brain.

 

I too am tempted to try various possible cures of PSSD that float around the Internet but have refrained.  The idea of a quick fix is quite attractive but we must all remember that a desire for a quick medical fix is what got us into this mess in the first place.

 

For now I believe the only true real healer is practicing wellness and TIME.

 

I understand time is a scary concept.  We are like POWs in a horrible camp, not knowing how long this terrible situation will last.

Mid 2006-Early 2013  Celexa 40 MG, Xanax .50, Trazadone 50 MG - No problems with side effects

Very fast-few weeks taper in Early 2013 off all medication.

Crashed summer 2013 Went back on all meds same dosage (different brand of Celexa) Sept 2013. 

 

Sexual Side Effects (which I never had before) begun December 2013.  Off Celexa February 2014.  Xanax remained while Trazadone done in August 2014.

Continue to experience complete PSSD to this day with sadly no signs of improvement yet.

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Thanks for the replies. I was probably foolish but only took it for 4 days. In its benefit, it definitely lifted the brain fog a bit, made reality almost feel like it once did pre-SSRI, definitely not placebo, quite noticeable in fact. It really works. Worst thing was the insomnia. I normally manage 6-8hrs of sleep but on each night on this I consecutively managed 2.5, 4, 6, 2.5 hours and it's left me lethargic at work, dropped straight off to sleep but once awake, no matter what I did could not drop back off. Hellish. Had no libido for eons so couldn't comment on that, really, but arousal feels as dead as ever. Definitely not enhanced.

 

Stopped them yesterday. Full dose (3 caps) first day, two caps 2nd and 3rd, one yesterday. Feel a sap for trying them because I shouldn't really be messing with those neurotransmitters but that grinding greyness got me weak. Today, life faded back to grey again but I want my brain and body to heal and just hope I haven't set myself back too much with this.

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Slept OK today and managed to get back to sleep multiple times when I awoke to snooze the alarm. Phew. Figured out I'd only had 14 hours of sleep since 7am Monday morning prior to today. Brain fog and demotivation kinda back but don't feel depressed or any WDs. Back to the zone of no thrill now...;)

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  • 3 weeks later...

hey 1/2person... you still here?

March 5, 6  2015 1 10mg Paxil each day - only 2 pills total - experienced huge tingle in my head on first pill

 

numbness in my hands and feet, skin less sensitive over all... not ticklish anymore

**anhedonia, blank emotions

PSSD, anorgasmia

heartbeat rhythm problems

"To err is human.  To really foul things up requires a psychiatrist."

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8554-akakoom-lost-in-no-mans-land/

 

"When you are going through hell, keep going" - Winston Churchill (the only way out is through)

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Yes, and sorry for my absence. Last time I posted on here was via a games console (!) but now I have a cheap eBook thing and it's nice to type again. Been very nervy recently, full of social anxiety and weird unworthiness in the presence of others. I read my words on here and feel like a cringeworthy knob, feelings like that, puts me off posting because I get that 'lack of value' feeling. Lots of sunshine outside but I'm not feeling it and it's worrying. Somehow though, at the same time, I feel like some of that OTT akathisic anxiety seems to have settled down a bit. The crazy racing thoughts. Bad...but not as bad. I was told ginkgo was good for PSSD. I stopped taking that and in all honesty I feel like my brain is coping better, just pure brain now and the aftermath of the meds. Enjoyment is still not back but my brain is now free of anything else that could possibly influence it, bar the food/drink I put inside me. I still feel untogether but more together, if that makes sense, like I'm defragging myself now or something.

 

I will post something more meaty soon, just got to go to bed, have work in 8hrs.;)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Myself and others speak from experience when we say throwing other chemicals into our body is really not a good idea.  This is because our systems have become so darn sensitive/out of wack from withdrawal and changes made to the brain.

 

I too am tempted to try various possible cures of PSSD that float around the Internet but have refrained.  The idea of a quick fix is quite attractive but we must all remember that a desire for a quick medical fix is what got us into this mess in the first place.

 

For now I believe the only true real healer is practicing wellness and TIME.

 

I understand time is a scary concept.  We are like POWs in a horrible camp, not knowing how long this terrible situation will last.

This is so true, BlueLeader. Time and wellness is the only way. I also have considered quick fixes along the way but in hindsight I'm so glad I managed to keep the perspective. I have issues with premature ejaculation mainly, and loss of pleasure, weak erections sometimes, but it is slowly improving. Learning to relax and controlling obsession is a starter.

Accepting that it will take a long time is quite a psychological exercise when your nervous system is in such a state. But it's also part of the process of rebuilding it. That's the paradox. Like Altostrata has explained in different ways, it is the paradoxical nature of the withdrawal that makes this thing so bloody difficult to deal with.

I'm so glad that this forum exists so people with similar sufferings can see they're not alone.

Sometimes coming to the forum is scary because reading about others' sufferings can revive that suffering inside, but on the other hand there are so many good pieces of advice and experiences of endurance and perseverance. Try to look at both sides with equanimity.

Hang in there, Halfperson, time and wellness.

1999-2004 citalopram 10 to 20mg with 2-3 withdrawal attempts.
2004 fluvoxamine for 4-5 months aprox. Changed to venlafaxine because of the headaches and dizziness.
2005-March 2014 venlafaxine usually starting on 150mg and coming down to 75 or 37.5. Several withdrawal attempts.
In March 2014 I stopped taking 37.5mg of venlafaxine without tapering.

Went through 5 months of confusion, anxiety, insomnia and desperation. From then I am very slowly recovering, on windows and waves.

Symptoms: muscle stiffness and aches, shortness of breath, abdominal pain, memory loss, inability to concentrate or think straight, difficulty to speak, difficulty to read (improving).

Taking omega3, magnesium, calcium, vitamin E and probiotics.

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Thankyou Jose.:)

 

I still have the anhedonia. I know it's not gonna be an easy fix but the pleasure centres feel frazzled. I have been managing to have sex with the aid of erectile dysfunction meds but the pleasure is perhaps 10% of what it should be and the bits that should tingle nicely just feel weird or hurt and orgasms are usually just a wisp of what they once were. Bits that used to give me a buzz either feel anaesthetized or oversensitized like a drill. And my desire is still minimal and frustrates me. But it is helping my relationship tremendously, even though my own pleasure is nowhere near full capacity (sometimes just 'dead orgasms'). Just...my brain is not feeling the pleasure signals that much. But I am satisfying my girlfriend and that makes me immeasurably happy, as does the capacity to 'perform'. It has made us closer even though I feel a chemically assisted beast.

 

I just have...no interest. In anything. It's weird. I'm not even depressed. 'Sensationally lessened' seems more apt. I just get up on a morning, go to work, come home, eat, sleep, repeat. Nothing is calling to me like it used to. It's like my lights are switched off inside. I have no desire to win, to do anything, no real anger, no real joy, no desire to succeed, just the capacity to function. I feel like it is a dopamine issue. There is no fun. I barely laugh (I used to be a massive fan of comedy). Movies are just fake things full of people faking stuff for money. Music is well-arranged noise. Books are...words. It's...odd living life through this grey impasse of minimal passion or arousal. I don't want to throw any more chemicals into my system (which is 'pure' at present) but dopamine agonists like Deprenyl seem to be screaming out to me right now. I am sick of this bubble yet too apathetic to do anything about it.

 

I want to have some fun again, feel some mirth or true joy. I have love and a strong love but I want to be a person more capable of enjoying and nurturing it. I don't want to keep waiting and waiting and waiting. This feels like it has gone on far too long. Sorry for whining, by the way. It is an apathetic whine. I am so sorry guys!

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Hey 1/2Person

 

its so upsetting to hear you are suffering still, but i admire your courage.  I am also suffering anhedonia, pssd, and anorgasmia, but I don't have the courage to enter the dating arena at this time.  I'm hoping my recovery will be quick, but none of us really know do we...

 

I feel exactly like you do. unemotional, uninterested... just running out the clock.  nothing is interesting... good or bad

 

we all deserve our lives back!

March 5, 6  2015 1 10mg Paxil each day - only 2 pills total - experienced huge tingle in my head on first pill

 

numbness in my hands and feet, skin less sensitive over all... not ticklish anymore

**anhedonia, blank emotions

PSSD, anorgasmia

heartbeat rhythm problems

"To err is human.  To really foul things up requires a psychiatrist."

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8554-akakoom-lost-in-no-mans-land/

 

"When you are going through hell, keep going" - Winston Churchill (the only way out is through)

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akakoom, get yourself back out there. ;)

 

You deserve to be loved, have some activity in this anhedonic sucky life! You deserve that love. :)

 

Message me if you want about it, just go for it, it helps, love helps, it really really helps.

 

Never give up all hope.

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HP, your words are inspiring and appreciated, thank you and I will continue to cheer you on as you (and all of us) continue to recover.

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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